Proof of Cosmic Beasts

You seem CURIOUS, that’s probably why you’re here, reading my Primer to COSMIC BEASTS On & Off Earth. I’m SpaceDawg_Gary, I grew up on the Keplers in Cygnus and my favorite food is pixie sticks with Broccoli— two of Earth’s finest foods. I swear to Xellidon I would give my right plecticlex gland for another plate of Broccoli Rob and Strawberry Pixie Sticks.

If you know other spinners, they should be able to help you.

Have you DM’d Glorp Glorp? Do you know his password?

It might be best to email me at [email protected] the ETTCD have been intercepting my messages but if you write it in 5-7-5, they won’t understand it.

Yes, it’s at the bottom of the blog.

Listen up, kiddos cause I don't have much time!

As you probably know by now, it's all going down. The ETTCD is on the lurk. STAY AWAY FROM E.T. HUNTER. LIE TO THEM. That creep is trying to round up Cosmic Beasts headed to Earth for MythiCon and prevent them from partying. Do not help them.

If you're an Earthling reading this, best of luck to you! If you're going to be at MythiCon, be on the lookout for Cosmic Beasts. Shoot, maybe I outta get down there.

That's all I got for now, ya space rascals! Keep on being your mythical best.

I've been using ultra-advanced alien photo enhancement to show the HATERS that Glorp Glorp IS ALIVE, living in SoCal, and hidding himself in Mythical content. Take a look at these screen shots from Good Mythical Morning episode 2095 which was broadcast (on Earth) on January 18th of 2022...

WANT MORE PROOF?! SEE FOR YOURSELF!

Join my newsletter to keep up with Cosmic Beasts! Or email me at the link below if you've spotted Glorp Glorp or have evidence of CBs on Earth.

Few Cosmic Beasts, or any alien, has become as Earth famous as Glorp Glorp. If you’re an Earthling, you’re probably thinking of aliens from movies and comic stories, but I mean aliens IN REAL LIFE. At one point, Glorp Glorp was just your average time traveling alien from the future bopping around the Milky Way. I met them years ago and we stayed in touch until they had to go into hiding to avoid the trackers. Keep in mind, this IS all speculation, but my sources are vast from years on Earth and ties from my time as a government expert. I can tell you I for one am sure Glorp Glorp is down on Earth So, today, in honor of Glorp Glorp, I wanted to share some recent rumblings from Earth about the green-wunderkind-in-sequins, the them, the myth, the GLORP GLORP…

Glorp Glorp Is rumored to be living on Earth to this day. Stricken from the cosmos by the ETTCD, Glorps been laying low in America, California. This is the region of America where Mythical Studios, home to Good Mythical Morning, Mythical Kitchen, Sporked, Rhett & Link’s homes, and the Mythical crew. Needless to say, Glorps got a network of friendlies in the region to keep him well hidden. If you look at the EVIDENCE, it seems pretty clear to this outer space expert that Glorp Glorp is on Earth, and working with the rebellion out here in outer space to secretly bring Cosmic Beasts to Earth for…something.

I know somethings going on down there (here if you’re a human on Earth) and I’ve studied the footage. Glorp Glorp is on Earth, that much I KNOW. Just watch Mythical content and you’ll see what I’m talking about. Nearly every bit of video content Mythical puts out, Glorp makes a SINGLE FRAME APPEARANCE. This is called a subliminal message (a quick flash of video) and Earthlings don’t seem to notice it. If they do, none of them have submitted EVIDENCE (in the form of photos).

Glorp Glorp will often sneak into one frame of videos as a way to communicate with his fellow Mythical Beasts on Earth and everywhere in the Milky’s where they’re watching. If you watch episodes of Good Mythical Morning for example, you’ll see him behind the desk sometimes. Sometimes Glorp Glorp is way in the background and without space-aged video enhancement, it’s almost impossible to see. That’s why I’ve broken down some of the recent evidence on my PROOF post—so EVERYONE can see and decide for themselves.

Why Aliens Can't Go To Earth; The History of the Extra Terrestrial Track & Capture Department (ETTCD)

BEFORE YOU READ ANY FURTHER!…

This is a sensitive topic, and I could get my gnarnbloggles cut off for saying the wrong thing here, so, if you want to know the uncensored truth, you’ll have to get in touch with the rebellion. LOL! As if it’s that easy! This ‘History’ lesson is meant for my Earthling readers so they know WTF cosmic beasts aren’t bopping down to Earth anymore; because they could be vaporized, basically. Since I don’t want to be vaporized, I’m going to stick to the script here and just give you the Galactic Government’s OFFICIAL stance on Earth, and the forming of the Extra Terrestrial Track & Capture Department (ETTCD)

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During Earth’s autumn season in 2017, Phredyixxty ‘Fred’ Flergenx was returning to Kepler-62F with a spaceship full of fidget spinners. Fred LOVED Earth, and all their quickly-obsolete gadgets. When he was on Earth in the fall of that year fidget spinners were the most important and coveted object that could be possessed. Flergenx was a real business-alien, and he saw how the stress relieving toy would be a massive hit all over the galaxy; where many aliens can't get their phalanges on many Earth toys. He purchased as many Fidget Spinners as could fit in his cargo-cruiser, which was A LOT.

On his trip BACK to Kepler-62F (his home planet) he “veered off course and became a security risk to the greater galactic population due to the ridiculous nature of his cargo.” That’s the official statement from the ETTCD, back then known only as the Extra Terrestrial Tracking Department (ETTD). Because Earth travel was legal, this department was only responsible for TRACKING aliens' Earth travel, like an Earth Passport office. As Earth goods became big business, the department expanded, and their influence became…

I shouldn’t go any further. Like I said, this is a sensitive topic. And the ETTCD monitors pretty much everything so…gotta be careful.

So, Phredyixxty 'Fred' Flergenx was vaporized by the department and they quickly moved to make ALL Travel to Earth strictly forbidden. Their argument was Earth was riddled with unfriendlies, who had a negative impact on the bigger cosmos. For this reason, they claimed all things Earth should stay on Earth. No Earth influence was their goal. Even though there’s so much the planet and its humans have to offer, The ETTCD was only concerned with preventing Earth culture from tainting the Milkys and beyond. Earth’s popularity was growing during that time, and a crap load of fidget spinners was the perfect excuse to make an example of Fred. They waged a propaganda war to persuade aliens everywhere that humans were no good, and Earth was a poisonous place.

It was pretty successful and combined with huge penalties (vaporization) and the ugly rhetoric around Earth, being a Cosmic Beast was no longer in fashion.

So, in the years since, that day has become known as Flergenx Day and the SPINNER has become a symbol for those supporting the rebellion. The rebellion works secretly to re-establish travel to Earth. They’re the CB’s on the front lines of making Earth popular and accessible again. They’re constantly HUNTED by the ETTCD’s goon squad whose only job is to spy on potential Earth Friendlies (humans who are supportive of aliens) and capture cosmic beasts before they can get to Earth…and vaporize them. The rebellion uses secret symbols, passwords, puzzles, all sorts of stuff to communicate with each other. If someone asked me if I was in the rebellion, I would say NO, but get a couple of glasses of Saurian brandy in me and I might say differently!

Listen here. Plenty of CBs have bopped down to Earth. Here's a list of some notables...

December 31st, 1982 Flergllaan Xexoe-9 is the first CB to visit Earth. This is considered the birth of the Cosmic Beasts. They went to a NYE party disguised as a NERD (smart Earthling dressed unfashionably). Flergllaan was obsessed with Earth and started a trend of CBs traveling to the planet disguised as Earthlings.

January, 2012 Zootle Braxxxoid sits in LIVE on the FIRST recording of Good Mythical Morning. They were quoted as laughing their “Xaccellcranx off” when Rhett impersonated Link.

April, 2013 ‘SpaceDawg Gary’, yours truly, became a Cosmic Beast. And now here we are. (My ‘real’ name is Ver Cheailm-Yalsep) The first episode of the mythical show inspired me and ever since I’ve been trying to “be my mythical best” as they say.

December 11th, 2013  Link says “Let’s talk about that AND TASTE IT.” as a call to Beasts. This call to action was an important moment for all of us Cosmic Beasts. Before that we’d only been asked to talk about it, which we could do from any planet. Now the idea of tasting the fine foods of Earth was offered to us. This inspired Cosmic Beasts from many parts of the galaxy to travel to Earth for the chance. It was risky if you were caught on Earth, but intergalactically there were no restrictions then.

2014-2016 During this time, A LOT of CBs were checking out Earth. It became a hot tourist spot for the Earth curious. It was the place to be. Everyone wanted to say they were a Cosmic Beast. They’d go down to Earth, snap some pics, slurp up some sugar, and hob-nob with celebrities. Of course everyone knows the famous photo of Brad Pitt in a hot tub with Klergiff Ghononix’s ex-lover, Rouxxeæ-9 drinking champagne on a mountain top. That photo made EVERYONE in the galaxy want champagne and Brad Pitts for years.

Flergenx Day, 2017 Phredyixxty ‘Fred’ Flergenx is vaporized after returning to Kepler-62F with a spaceship full of contraband fidget spinners. Earth became synonymous with not only danger, but virulence for many in the cosmos. He was the last known Cosmic Beast to visit Earth and his desire to spin a simple toy when restless became a symbol for TRUE CBs all over the galaxy. Even on Earth.

2017-2019 Restrictions on Earth travel grow increasingly strict throughout the galaxy as opinions turn on the merits of humans. CBs become less vocal and many reject the title all together as the species is seen as a bad influence. Only TRUE Cosmic Beasts remained pro-human and the popularity of Earth travel fell off as fast as it had started.

July 13, 2019 Glorp Glorp appears in an episode of Future Fast Food with Earth strongman Mythical Chef Josh. It sets off a chain reaction in Outer Space leading to the passing of Intergalactic Laws prohibiting Earth Travel completely. Anti-Earth hardliners were outraged by Glorp Glorp’s flagrant disregard for the codes already in place at the time. Glorp Glorp remained on Earth for months and appeared in several episodes of the Mythical Kitchen show. Eventually he goes into hiding and is essentially stranded on Earth and considered a cosmic fugitive.

My Top 27 Favorite Things ‘bout Earth…

Pure Sugar. There’s nothing like it.

FREAKING BROCCOLI. I can’t get it out of my klweeple once I start thinking about it. Especially covered in colored sugar.

Game Shows. Any era pretty much. Except when they were cheating for a while. Earthlings got it together for the most part after that and in the 1970’s game shows became weird even by space standards.

Cats. Dogs are pretty cool too, but cats won the internet and are widely considered better content creators.

Walrus music. Their sounds are magical. Everyone knows it.

Heavy Metal Music. Also magical.

Sailboats. These are ships that move on water.

Warm Salad Dressing. Super refreshing when it goes down your glumplorn hole!

“Hello”. It’s an Earth greeting. It’s so nice to say to Earthlings.

Graham Crackers. YUM CITY!

Trampolines. Enough said, duh!

Deserts. They’re big sandy areas on Earth where it’s easy to land your spacecraft and the night sky is clear.

Crayons. They’re THE choice of artists on Earth, where children are trained with them from an early age.

Hula Hoops. This one is hard to explain if you’ve never used one, but imagine swinging your quaggmaarn in circles as fast as you can with your flayncians extended to the side and a circle orbits you.

Dancing. Look, I know aliens everywhere dance, but the way they dance on Earth is something special. They don’t have as many formal moves and it’s all about moving around how you feel no matter what it looks like.

Angry Birds. It’s so awesome, dang.

The smell of freshly cut grass. Grass is a plant humans grow in their outdoor spaces and it smells great when they cut it flat.

Rhett & Link. They’re human hosts of Good Mythical Morning, which is the most important show for Cosmic Beasts. They promote being your best all the time, to yourself and to others. Pretty awesome.

Board Games. They’re non-physical competitive events for friends. Humans play them A LOT to settle who is the coolest friend in a group.

Wizards. Wizards can cast spells and live longer than normal humans. There’s an informative video series from America, Earth about a famous wizard named Randolph who befriended children for 100’s of years until his magic ring got lost and everyone forgot about him or something like this. It was LOOOOONG. “You shall passsssssssss!” was his famous line because he was a teacher and loved passing everyone.

Clothes. On earth, everyone wears clothes and it’s a way of expressing yourself instead of just wearing a hat on your verxluum. Humans cover a lot of their bodies and it’s seen as normal there (good to know if you’re going there, trust me!)

Ice Cream. It’s a cold sugary treat that makes your brain hurt if you eat it fast enough. Humans do it a lot as a way of showing off. It’s called a ‘brainfreeze’ and you let everyone know as soon as you get one.

Mythical Kitchen. This is a series of videos under the direction of ‘Mythical Chef Josh’ who is a clever human food-maker who doesn’t like to wear a shirt. Other humans in the kitchen prevent his demise. It’s entertaining and educational.

Time Zones. It’s a way of Earthlings keeping track of time locally on Earth and it’s hilarious.

Chocolate. Another tasty Earth treat!

Parades. It’s when humans walk in a big line and people watch.

What Are Cosmic Beasts & Are They Dangerous?

What a bunch of dang bologna! Heck NO they aren’t dangerous. They’re the nicest bunch around. Their motto is ‘BE YOUR MYTHICAL BEST’ which basically means striving to be awesome and kind to everyone, all the time, always. IF YOU’RE NEW TO COSMIC BEASTS, read on to learn a bit about what they are, and what it’s all about…

Cosmic Beasts are just like  ‘Mythical Beasts’ on Earth, with one tiny difference; Cosmic Beasts aren’t from Earth. The Universe is big, my humans, and your entertaining internet cats and #hashtaggery have penetrated the Milky Way for decades! Cosmic Beasts are out here, watching the YouTube and becoming obsessed with Earthling culture. For years! So, just like you (BYMB?) we’re BIG fans of Rhett & Link, Mythical, the whole shabang. Cosmic Beasts are usually pretty obsessed with Good Mythical Morning, and the Mythical Kitchen. Glorp Glorp devoted his life to MK, and is one of the biggest CBs of all time. Of ALL TIME! 

So, before the restrictions of Earth travel, Cosmic Beasts blasted off towards Earth regularly. Now, they’re forbidden from Earth travel due to UNFAIR Galactic codes. Nothing would make CBs happier than meeting on Earth for a big Mythical event, where the vibes are immaculate and everyone is truly being their mythical best, like a ‘MythiCon’ festival. Maybe someday in the future...

Here’s the ESSENTIALS on being a Cosmic Beast—

THEY DON’T BREAK EARTH RULES & LAWS. If there’s a rule, Cosmic Beasts follow it. If anything, Earth is a GOOD influence on aliens.

Cosmic Beasts LOVE riddles, codes, puzzles, anything that requires CURIOSITY. If you’re always curious, you’re gonna love being a Cosmic Beast!

Cosmic Beasts who believe in Aliens traveling to Earth have to be secretive! They’re part of the ‘rebellion’ (sometimes called SPINNERS) and they’re constantly working to help each other out.