quick hello to my mutuals, old and new!
i havenât been active on this account for, well, maybe a year or so, and just wanted to say, for the people just finding this account: it does get better. iâm not active on this account because i donât think about this all the same way; the fear the was built into me from a young age doesnât grip me the same way anymore. iâve left my harmful religious community, found a new family, and iâm healing.
it might be hard to see when youâre just starting to see the cult that surrounds you, but it will get better. bit by bit. youâll have queer sex for the first time and have panic attacks for a week because all you can think about is godâs disappointment, then youâll have queer sex for the fifteenth, hundredth, countless times and youâll forget about all that bullshit because you love your partner and your partner loves you. people will try to paint things in binaries and youâll say, fuck that, i can smell bullshit a mile away now.
my healing has taken and will take a long, long time, and iâll still listen to julien baker and ache for that old relationship with a god i thought cared for me. iâm learning to care for myself in the way i was taught god did, and honestly? doing a much better job of it.
be patient with yourself. you donât need to figure it all out (thatâs another lie from christianity). i know itâs rough, but itâs okay to not know. no one really does.
christianity has done a lot of harm; you are not alone. if you havenât already, you will find your people. and when you do find that wild love that isnât dependent on what you believe, god. god, there is nothing like it.
i wish you all the best <3
