Halcyon

The more you are motivated by love, the more fearless and free your action will be.

Yes it bothers me. But one day it won’t.

I know she won’t be perfect every day, but she will try her hardest to smile even if she just cried for a few hours. She’s an ocean of worry and the only lifeboat that might appear is you. She will smile when it matters, when it counts. Please, don’t take her for granted. She is no longer a flower, I made sure of that. I ripped through every petal searching for soil that we once stepped on, I tried to search for the seed of love at first sight and I’m sorry, I scratched the veins and she will probably wither in your palms. She no longer acts crazy, I made sure of that. I judged her for who she was and who she wasn’t. She won’t show her true colors yet, she’s testing you, you’re on trial. She’s watching you, and you’ll feel like there’s gasoline in her saliva and her kiss might be the spark to set you on fire. She won’t spam your text messages, she won’t write you cute letters, she won’t write short stories, and she won’t blow up your phone. I made sure of that. I know you won’t love her on some days, I know she won’t always be kind when you whisper a slick remark, I know she won’t enjoy long walks because she’s always exhausted, she’s always too tired and she won’t always be fun, but you have to bear with her, be gentle with her, be loving to her, be the net for her stomach butterflies, be the cloud to hold her tears, she knows how to come around. Some days she might be emotionally destroyed because of something I said to her a few years ago, I’m sorry about that too. Some days she might be smiling from out of the blue and it might be spring and you’ll ask, but she won’t tell you. I’m sorry about that too. Some days she’ll be clingy, wait, she might be like that all of the time, shit, I’m sorry about that too. You see, emotional and physical trauma comes in many forms and the people we tend to love can hurt us in the most messed up ways. I was that person, don’t be that guy. Don’t pick up poetry, you’ll make her cry. Don’t have sex with her just to have sex with her, don’t. Notice her smile, notice the way she undresses her blossoms, take notes of the way her lotus tattoo breathes into your skin, pay attention to how her slow breaths can spell out your name, don’t be caught up in the euphoria of the sin, be caught up with her body language and how she wants you to feel and it’s not that simple to move her heart, you must pay close attention to that one detail, do not let her stray, watch her eyes, grip her hands and speak lightness into her ears. Anyone can have sex, not everyone can make love. That is a truth I had to learn after five years with this person. And some days she’ll cry, and she’ll cry, and she’ll cry, and she’ll cry, and she’ll cry, and she’ll cry, and she’ll cry. Dude, it’s that time of the month again. Fucking hug her. Send her cute text messages. Give her belly-rubs. Bring her food. Give her fruits. Watch a show with her. Kiss her cheeks. Kiss her forehead. Kiss her fingers. Kiss her hands. Kiss her palms. Kiss her stomach. Kiss her arms. Kiss her lips. Kiss her heart. Kiss her soul. Kiss her. And if that doesn’t work? Hold her. Hold her body like you were the big spoon made for her. Hold her like the stars grip the night sky. Hold her hands like her fingers could feel safe when they trace their owner’s name into your back. Brush the tears from her cheeks and make sure they don’t get away, make sure she feels that you care. Grab her heart and let her know that you love her even if all she did was cry today about how random she’s being, how emotional this shit got and how real it got. Make sure you let her know, let her know that she is loved. You don’t have to be like me. You don’t have to write a thing. You just have to love her. Love her like how I couldn’t. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to treat her perfectly. You don’t have to be amazing. She just has to feel amazed. And I know, you’re probably thinking, what do you know? You’re just an ex-boyfriend, there’s a reason why she left you. Hey, wake up. Don’t be selfish. This isn’t about me or you. This is about her. You listen real good here, some people aren’t meant to be together for all of eternity. It doesn’t happen. It doesn’t. We change. This is how you love her right. Treat her with respect, love her ways even if it doesn’t make much sense, and I know she might set you on fire and I know she might make you passionate about everything, but that’s how she is. A sapphire among rubies. A cloud in the volcano’s steam. A sunset swimming in the ocean. A rose in a garden of forget-me-nots. A blood drop in a glass of water. A tear drying on lit cigarettes. A fox howling with wolves. A heart found near the river bank. A girl who just wants to be loved. And I know she isn’t perfect, I know she won’t always be yours, I know she won’t be the best, I know she cries a lot, I know she isn’t from magazine covers, I know she can be a handful, but I promise, I promise, if I know one thing. One thing at all. It is that she is worth it. Please, make her smile because she didn’t smile enough when I held her, because she didn’t feel loved when I kissed her, because she felt used and I’m to blame, because she deserves happiness and well, so do you. This is how you love her and what’s that famous quote? Oh yeah! This is how you keep her.

The best project you’ll ever work on is you.