Retired Blog!

Just chill out right where you are for now. Don’t worry, I won’t leave you out.

That just sounds dastardly.

There was a while there when I thought we were going to be friends.. we seemed pretty similar and all. But then you started condescending toward a lot of the subs that I care about, and that's not the kind of thing I really know to take lying down. I pulled the rank card, and you didn't care much for that, and that was the end of our brief fling with friendship.

Babe.. don't you think I'd like to be having sex right now too?

PM: “Sex Week” as you’re interpreting it: the only week in which we have sex.

“Sex Week” as I mean it: a special week out of the year when we cram in (heh, get it?) as much sex into our every waking hour as possible, as much as our bodies can physically stand, until one of us taps out. Last year I got a blister on my cock from the chafing, which helped us come to the realization that we needed to upgrade to porn industry grade lube.

.. Okay, shut up.

[PM]: No, no, I’m well aware that you guys fuck incessantly. Thank you for the mental image of a blister on your chaffed dick, though - that’s my new “baseball.”

That's not an inaccurate statement at all.

PM: Not to mention the fact that it’s our anniversary week! Which is ALWAYS sex week! And neither of us are getting any and I know I’ve been putting on a brave face and all, but I think I may be going to die soon, so I’m just putting that out there. And go ahead and sent me his dick, I can crop you out.

I’m going to die, Lexi. Carter is trying to kill me. I’m going. to literally. die.

[PM]: I hope Cesar and I never get to the point that we need a “sex week” - and, uh, not with what I’d be doing to it, you can’t.

"Sex Week" as I mean it: a special week out of the year when we cram in (heh, get it?) as much sex into our every waking hour as possible, as much as our bodies can physically stand, until one of us taps out. Last year I got a blister on my cock from the chafing, which helped us come to the realization that we needed to upgrade to porn industry grade lube.

.. Okay, shut up.

Deep breaths, babe. We can make next week - or the week after - or next week AND the week after - our make-up anniversary week. It'll be fine. Tell your dick to chill. And that I miss it, but mostly to chill.

PM: Done and done. What kind of creepy weirdo would talk to his little sister about how hot it is that all his bedridden boyfriend can talk about 23 out of 24 hours every single day is how much he wants to get down on his injured knees and blow him? What asshole would want you to know that when he goes home at night after visiting hours end, he spends five of the eight hours he’s supposed to be sleeping vigorously masturbating to an album of archived dick pics so that he’ll be able to power through the next day’s barrage of seduction attempts from someone who would definitely re-break something if they tried to get freaky in the hospital sheets?

Not me.

[PM]: Unless you want me to add a picture of my boyfriend’s fucking perfect cock to said archive, complete with your little sister’s tongue doing things to it that would make you want to reconsider the status of our relationship, I suggest you knock it off.

I'm going to die, Lexi. Carter is trying to kill me. I'm going. to literally. die.

PM: … wait..

Really? You- remember me now??

FUCK YES.

I’m coming over!

[PM]: Unfortunately.

Not me.

Nice.

I bet in all its long history, you're the horniest person who's ever been treated in this hospital.

We’re all here, and pretty much okay, as far as I know. I mean, nobody’s dead, how about that?

Like I said, all fine. Carter’s healing, Lexi just told me she recognizes me again. It’s a damn red letter day in my world.

Nice. In my head you look like Hunger-Games-era Natalie Dormer now. Very hot. Yeah, I heard about the amnesia. You’re not the only one, but I’m really glad things have come back to you now - or are at least starting to? You knew my name, at least! Four for you, Jaime Coco.

I think that’s an amazing thing after something like this, honestly.

… Lexi? I think the other woman I was talking to - Erica? - mentioned her, but… either way! That’s wonderful!

Whoa. Well, that's really specific. I didn't realize that kind of thing could happen.

Babe.

Nice.

Hey, babe! I didn’t realize you were back already! Wait- are you back? Or are you still down in Boston?

No, I’m fine. I chipped a tooth, but I’ve already had it repaired. Otherwise I’m good! How are you?

Aw I wish I could say I was but I’m still in Boston! I’m trying to convince Janessa to at least bring me up for a visit this week, though! I want to check up on everyone.

Like I said, all fine. Carter's healing, Lexi just told me she recognizes me again. It's a damn red letter day in my world.

.. if you’re ~not~ hospitalized right now. It’s important. I need this information for science, alright?

Don't worry. It's going to be completely fine. There's hydrogen-bomb science, and then there's what I'm doing. Very different. Nothing to worry about, nothing to see here. You just go back to working on that fruit cup.

PM: … wait..

Really? You- remember me now??

FUCK YES.

I’m coming over!

[PM]: Unfortunately.