Soup Drinkin' Lincoln

Black Menswear modelled by Black Men

Sometimes on leave they hit up local bars and it's one big beefy dude surrounded by a crowd of the hottest people in the room. He's like a damn sheepdog to this gaggle of pilots half of whom are fully dissociated at any one time, fake dating everyone and real dating no one in the squad because he's so painfully normal about sex he thinks you can't do that sort of thing. Once in a blue moon a bar patron or rando may get a little handsy, too familiar and he like sidles up and says, friendo for your own good I think you want to take about four steps away, because she's about to tear your face off.

Me? I just got Dark Mage. Honestly, it's pretty rare, but the job opportunities are also limited. You either get into covert assassination or dungeon raiding.

God, just because we're the only two kids in The Village, Emmerich Holyblade automatically assumes this makes us friends. He doesn't even realize I hate him and his stupid smug swordsman ass.

The tank Ferron Shieldson gives me bro fists hard enough to bruise. Sister Savantha Healier has tripped over her habit ten times in the past hour.

Outside of combat, I've done a lot of very invisible low-tier work nobody really needs, such as managing all of our finances and inventory, yet they keep fucking including me and praising my efforts when they're having a drink at the tavern.

Our reputation really soared when we stopped one of the Four Demonic Kings of the East North South and West from destroying Capital City of the Holy Church Kingdom Nation.

Emmerich Holyblade insists my 70% Paralysis Debuff clutched the entire encounter despite dealing the Super Cool Omega Finisher, so everyone's asking me for autographs.

Shouldn't he know I hate social interaction if he claims to be my "childhood friend"?? LEAVE ME ALONE.

He said I'm invaluable to this party both as part of our battle plans, our day-to-day tasks, and as his "dearest companion". GROSS!!!

Doesn't he realize this was the PERFECT chance for me to disappear to another country???

Except Elfsdame Woodsworth might be the Holy Nature Origin Princess, or something. I wasn't really paying attention to her dramatic backstory.

After we killed the Holy Nature Origin King (who was really one of the Four Demonic Kings of the East North South and West in disguise), Elfsdame Woodsworth the beautiful elf archer huntress just kinda gave us the sword.

It's sunset right now, and I climbed a tree to just overlook the forest in peace, ALONE, except Emmerich Holyblade "knew I'd do something like this", so now he's HERE. HE ALWAYS DOES THIS!!!!

Blergh. Now we're watching the sun set over the whole Holy Kingdom Church Nation. It's pretty, but that dumbass Emmerich Holyblade isn't even looking at it. Idiot.

We've reached the Demon Lord of Darkness's Dark Demonic Castle Keep now, and we're striking tomorrow.

It's my last chance to quit if I don't want to beef it tomorrow (I do not trust Ferron Shieldson to shield me), but Emmerich Holyblade said he can't do it without me. HE, singular?? So everybody else can do it without me??

And to make matters worse, he said he'd tell me something after we beat the Demon Lord of Darkness. Why the hell tell me you're gonna tell me something??? Just tell me in the first place so I can ditch.

And besides, as if anyone could actually kill the goddamn Chosen Hero Sword Saint. At the very least, he's gonna survive tomorrow. Doesn't he realize how stupidly contrived his powerset is?? Dude, as IF.

I told him that, and he ran off. I'm never going to understand him.

But mainly I was just standing in the back. Debuffing is a crazy magic drain, so I did get super tired, but the most exciting thing I was involved with was when Sister Savantha Healier's Evil Twin threw her weapon at me in a last ditch attempt to take at least one of us down, but Emmerich Holyblade intercepted it. With his body.

Sister Savantha Healier just healed him after, though, so it's fine. I might've been mincemeat had that hit my squishy self. I'm a proud backliner, okay. But it was still pretty stupid and unnecessary, considering we have Phoenix Blessing Revival Potion Stones.

Everybody weakened the Demon Lord of Darkness with their own strikes, so Emmerich Holyblade could finish him off properly with the holy sword Swordexcaliburn.

Before he did, he looked at me with these fucking... star-filled eyes and bright smile, which made everybody else also look at me, which made the Demon Lord of Darkness laugh, so I just nodded at Emmerich Holyblade to go kill the fucking Demon Lord of Darkness already.

God, that took so long. I'm taking a vacation. I'm disappearing into a forest without any elves in it and never talking to another person ever again.

E-Emmerich Holyblade, well, he.

Hi, Yog-Sothoth. I still have a pic of you from college.

My personal take on Yog-Sothoth's offspring is parasitic but in a very different direction, more like a gall wasp than a mosquito.

See, Yog-Sothoth is a sort of vestibule, a somewhat selectively permeable membrane of reality, looking at everything at once from the outside. It's existence and knowledge is order in a chaotic existence. And yet, literally infinite membrane, by its very nature, can never be perfectly clean. Yog-Sothoth is smudged by the fingerprints of infinity. In the fall a vestibule may have many leaves blown in from the outside and mud from the boots of travelers. It seems and knows all, and yet the knowledge is tangled. An impossibly complex wind chime in a wind tunnel. And the wind in the tunnel is the equivalent to the vapors inhaled by the Oracles of Delphi for divine inspiration. Yog-Sototh is necessary to the anatomy of the universe, yet its existence inside the "body" of any material plane is fundamentally problematic: a mix between a teratoma, a rejected graft, and seasonal allergies. To bring Yog-Sothoth fully into any reality would be like turning your skin inside out.