Take a good look,you're no big deal

this is from spy kids

your abuser could have gone thru life without abusing you. this was an option all along. they didn’t have to hurt you, they didn’t have to be cruel, they didn’t have to declare themselves an authority for what is and isn’t good for you and decide that abuse is what you deserve, they didn’t have to manipulate you, they didn’t have to lie to you, they didn’t have to insult, criticize or humiliate you, they didn’t have to control you, they didn’t have to crush your self confidence, they didn’t have to scare or hit or push or torture or gaslight you, they didn’t have to do any of it. they could have gone thru their life without doing it. nobody forced them to do it. it was their own decision to do those things. they are the sole person responsible for doing all of it. they would have lost nothing if they didn’t do those things. it wouldn’t take anything away from their life not to destroy yours. hold. them. responsible.

maybe

im so wary of the idea of “reclaiming” borderline and other mental illnesses and i think that discourse really had a terrible effect on me? after i was diagnosed i used to get so upset reading all the things written about people with bpd and it was important to be told that i wasn’t evil and broken – but ultimately there was some truth in those articles? like my behaviour when i was very ill was completely unacceptable and it shouldn’t have been validated. i got it into my head that because my behaviour was “beyond my control” then it had to be tolerated – so wrong!!! and i understand that bpd brains work in black and white ways and when you’re only beginning to understand your illness you’re probably going to end up in the “i’m a monster” camp or the “im beyond reproach because my illness is my identity” camp, but we shouldn’t be encouraging this. illness is not identity. you can’t talk about it in the same way that you talk about gender or race or sexuality or even neurodivergence. it’s a negative state; it’s something that should always be worked away from. which isn’t to say that we shouldn’t be kind and gentle and patient with ourselves and others but sitting in illness, reclaiming it – that’s so dangerous. even if your illness can’t be cured, there are so many ways that a more liveable life can be worked towards n stewing in ur dysfunction so often gets in the way of that. like that DBT skills post where someone has commented “this is the most neurotypical thing i’ve ever seen.” that’s so worrying. im so worried about kids who get exposed to this stuff on this site

i agree with this so so much. recovery is seen as a “neurotypical”, “fake” annoyance on this site and people would rather promote and glorify unhealthy behaviour attached to illness than promote getting better and learning new skills instead !

The only reason I maintain that my mental illness is a core part of “identity” is because schizophrenia is a genetic, cognitive disability that aligns itself more with neurodivergence than mental illness in terms of how society treats us and how we experience the world itself - but that being said, it isn’t an “identity,” I have no pride or desire to reclaim my psychosis, my violence, my lack of empathy, my trauma, my inability to function. Loving yourself and advocating for yourself is much different than loving your illness, becoming obsessed with it to the point where you view it as a person who needs defending - when you find yourself upset that others are seeking recovery, coping, and stable mental health because you take it is a personal offense to you and your illness, then it shows that you are more wrapped up in identity politics than you are mental health activism. “Getting better” is subjective, but I can’t help but feel uncomfortable and almost unsafe around the growing number of mental illness bloggers, usually self diagnosed, who advocate a “no recovery” and “I can do no wrong” platform. It creates a toxic environment where you have to present yourself as the epitome of suffering and disclose personal information just to be taken seriously instead of being written off as a “neurotypical.”

Rodin, Embracing Figures, Damned Group