Broadswords, Virginity, And Capes

Genji- laughs aloud at your response but leaves you on read if he has nothing to add. Doesn’t see an issue with this.

McCree- “I’m ur huckleberry 😘🤠 lol. Sent from my iPhone”

Pharah- Promptly and with perfect grammar. When she is sarcastic, people worry she is being serious and that they’ve angered her.

Reaper- if you had plans at 6:00 and you’re one minute late, instead of waiting a few minutes or texting you “ETA?” he just sends an angry selfie with the place you’re supposed to meet in the background and the Snapchat overlay reading “6:01” over it

Soldier: 76- still somehow has a phone plan where texts cost 15 cents apiece. Left you a voicemail that you definitely didn’t listen to. Gets mad when nobody listens to his voicemails. When someone suggests he get a phone plan with unlimited texting, he goes on a rant about how he doesn’t need it and people should just check their voicemails more often

Sombra: screenshots every conversation just in case. Half of her messages are screenshots of other messages. Nobody can reach her unless she wants to be reached because all of her messages always come from a different number.

Tracer- often sends one-word texts that require the recipient to call her for clarification. For example: “Beatles?? 😰”

Bastion- texts exclusively in emoji

Hanzo- similar to Genji but he just sends back “lol” as an acknowledgement that he has received and read the text, regardless of the appropriate tone.

Junkrat- phone is broken, has no one to text. If someone needs to contact him they do it through Roadhog.

Widowmaker- lurks in the Talon group text. Responds only when she has something to say. If she’s got a problem with you she’ll send you a vague but menacing “we need to talk” message and then switch off her phone for 14 hours so that by the time she follows up you’ve had several panic attacks and are willing to do whatever she says to avoid being in trouble. Do not be friends with Widowmaker.

Mei- double texts but is anxious about double texting. If you send her something that made you think of her she’ll respond along the lines of “awh!! cute!! 😊 thank you so much for sharing this!!”

Torbjörn- his last 30 texts are a back and forth with his wife. “On my way home. Do we need anything from the store?” “Nope.”

D.Va- sometimes gets distracted and forgets to text people back, but when she is texting, she hits “send” about 14 times before she finishes a complete thought. A series of texts from D.Va might start out “Okay” “So” “I’ve got to tell you” “did I mention what my dad said today?”

Orisa- you know that one person in the group chat who’s younger than everyone else? That’s Orisa

Reinhardt- all caps all the time. He will send you a meme followed by “HAHAHAHAHA” and then sign it “REINHARDT WILHELM”

Roadhog- sends menacing and unclear texts like “meet me in front of target in 30 minutes. we will leave without you.” which doesn’t really tell you whether he’s threatening to leave without you if you’re late or informing you that he will not be giving you a ride home from target and you should arrange your own transportation.

Winston- sends you links to 9-minute videos on YouTube

Zarya- sends context-free nonsense like “hey everyone settle a debate which finger would you choose to lose if you had to choose one finger?” and if people ask her “what the hell” she responds “))))”

Ana- sends Fareeha a cartoon where the little cartoon lady is rolling her eyes and saying “don’t even LOOK at me until I’ve had my morning coffee!!” and captions it “made me think of you!! xxx your mother Ana Amari”

Lucio- this is who D.Va was texting with earlier, and he’s very responsive to everyone’s stories. He also owns that Jackbox party game and regularly invites everyone to play. It’s always fun. A group chat with Lucio is always very active.

Mercy- incredibly passive aggressive. Refuses to engage in a text conversation unless the other person initiated it and therefore never really texts.

Symmetra- prefers texting to talking. Never makes a typo. Will respond to a text with “K.” and doesn’t always realize this comes across as “I am upset with you,” which was not her intent.