Solregn

i trust the life inside me. in the depth of me there is a place that knows i will be wildly successful. i have felt it since the day i was born. doubt and struggle pulled me back and forth, like tides. but deep inside i have always known, who i came here to be. 1 year exactly since i saw you last, i see you again. what is this, i see you once a year, and its on my birthday? as i walk into the cafe the memories from a year ago flash before me: the spinning sensation of seeing you, i stayed in a room at binging called 'love', i went back to the building this year, it was literally torn down. the dengue. the loss. the waves. the shifts. the girlfriend. the lonely girl. what never changed is how i feel about you, that has always stayed the same. and it will always. we talk for hours. again. each time i see you its like ive never not seen you (i think of you every second of every day. like a love, like an obsession, like a disease). i know you are like that with everyone. a pull and magnestism that is felt by everybody. one of the reasons its so impossible to let you go. you are once in a lifetime, but its an experience i share with every woman. how to trust, when you are open with everyone all the time everywhere. how to let go, when the door is always open. the back and forth, what do i want? what do you want? the tension is a reality, but theres no resolution. after a few hours you say: "you are insecure. you are not confident. you are insecure deep inside you". it stops me in my tracks because it is true. it is what stops me from going to the next level. ive felt it, ive journalled it, ive searched for it. since i was a little girl. i know i have to let go of it to become who i really am. and you see it. even with all the shit you say (you hate women, you hate social media, you hate how ashtanga yoga is getting dilluted. blablabla). there is that core of truth that pierces through all the bullshit. the reason, why we circle and return again&again. get stronger.