Soogie

I was going to do all these wonderful things this weekend to get me started off right.  Did I?  NOPE.  So instead of running and doing my budget what did I do?  I decided to try some new keto recipes and I was very interested in the chaffle thing. I tried the chaffles that mimic actual waffles.  It was okay.  I might need to add some more stevia but the Chaco syrup had the texture of syrup but no taste.  It was weird but it worked if you were craving waffles.  

This got me thinking, I needed to buy candles so while I was at the store I got the mini waffle maker, a toaster oven and headed home.  I came down to my workout room that has a little kitchenette in it and made my husband and I Pizza Chaffles - from this site

 https://www.instrupix.com/easy-keto-pizza-chaffles/

I didn’t post yesterday but I ran 3.5 miles yesterday.  Avg pace 14′33″  not bad since I missed all week due to work. I am going to do better in 2021. I keep saying that.  I have been staying strictly keto for  three days. I have not been able to find affordable exogenous ketones that taste decent. I don’t know if it is worth the money honestly.  My word for the year is REDUCE.  So maybe I do it without the exogenous ketones.... 

I did change up what I listen to while I run. My husband has been a huge Joe Rogan fan and goes on and on about Joe says this Joe says that- which immediately means - I  ain’t listening to that.  But on a car trip home I put on his podcast because I don’t like listening to my husband’s music and he doesn’t like mine (somehow in 24 yrs together we have turned into opposites).  I ended up really enjoying the podcast.  So I listened to the health edition #904 Gary Taubes- he talked about sugar in diets and how we have been led astray by the public health diet recommendations.  So I drank the “koolaid”  and now I am more aware of sugar. Not white granulated sugar but every form that is snuck in to every food. I am in a hard spot because guidelines say I need to practice medicine a certain way and here this guy is making alot of sense. Then I am reading Eat Bacon, Don’t Jog  by Grant Peterson - so I am all in Keto Good - government recommendations bad kick.  Someone stop me before I start wearing tin foil hats.  So in my 50+ minutes of jog/walk- I decided that I am going to give myself one year- keto, sugar free, stick to it in the name of research - check my blood levels and see how I am in one year.  If after one year I have improved greatly I will feel better about sharing with my patients - BTW it is EXTREMELY difficult for me to tell patients how to lose weight when I am overweight.  I feel like a fraud.  I talk honestly to them about the struggles cause I am right there with them.  So I am slightly excited about my self absorbed research.  

My daughter has started live streaming on Twitch so I am finding myself watching her to encourage her and that is alot of downtime and watching her has me interested in lots of video games I would like to try - but wouldn’t that be adding and not reducing stuff in my life?  So I guess I will just watch her and support her.  Today I am charting and going to purchase candles for the year (REDUCE, right?)  then tomorrow I am setting up our 2021 budget to help us reduce debt and hopefully stress.  I hope everyone has a Happy New Year and 2021 is kinder than 2020.

SELF CARE IS NOT SELFISH

Here I am -the day after the gluttony .... I ate ... the most.... everything... fudge - my oldest daughter and her boyfriend made fudge... my kryptonite... then when I thought ok - I can take one bite and resist- they tell me how they worked together in their little studio apartment and I have a hallmark movie reel going in my head about these sweet kids making my favorite of all time gluttonous treat and how they became closer..... and that made that tin of fudge irresistible.  So I put a big dent in it.  That is okay because it is Christmas.  But it is the day after. No excuse.

I have signed up for a half marathon on April 4.  I had a training plan and I was working it well until I let life get in front of my self care and put others needs before my own.  So last night,  I looked at my calendar as I finished setting up my 2021 bullet journal ( one of my obsessions ) to plan on how I was going to get ready and today was a 4 mile run.  Now I did 1.5 last Saturday and that is going to be a big jump.  Especially after eating the fudge.  But because I ate the fudge I need to do the run even more right?  So this morning I got up. Put on my new running shoes, running socks and running gloves that my amazing hubby got me for Christmas.  Honestly, I can not brag enough about my Brooks Adrenaline shoes - When I put them on and stand- it is near orgasmic the way my ankles, knees, hips, and lower back line up and I feel centered and whole.  I habitually make the mistake of wearing a pair for way too long and then when I get a new pair I have to remind myself that I need to replace them more often.  So my old running shoes become my “wear with my scrubs” pair.  

Toady - I got up this morning put on all my gear then sat to look at my computer because I am the QUEEN of procrastination.  I read an article, https://www.runnersworld.com/training/a20797305/make-every-run-easier/  and here are the tips that worked for me today

1) it said the hardest part of the run was getting out the door.  So I told myself that I was going to go out the door and if I could make it 4 miles great.  If I had to walk - great.  If I froze in the 15 degree weather - not so great but I got out the door. 

2)  start slow and it was ok to walk at first - GREAT- cause  I am going to have to do that with my fudge belly - 

3) make running your oasis - up to that moment I had in my  mind that I had to run to be able to finish the half marathon - it was a chore - so today I was going to enjoy the time to myself - it worked I enjoyed my music and the quiet

It had a lot of other great tips but this got me out of the door. 

So here are some shoutouts from my run:

Fall Out Boy - I caught myself during the walk interval doing an Elaine from Seinfeld dance during one of their songs. Another reason I like to run in the dark with a head lamp

Stevie Nicks - I caught myself running up an incline and was so tense that I favored one of those wind up chatty teeth toys but Stevie is in my rotation and my stride smoothed out and I relaxed and started enjoying myself

Mr. Squirrel  - that was surprised when I ran by and had a complete fit in a pile of leaves.  This suddenly triggered some deep buried ninja like skills that I didn't know I possessed but if it was a person I am sure I could have inflicted some damage to at least their shins ( can’t really kick high) and their ear drums for sure.  Another reason I run in the early morning. 

So I made it- 4 miles of my “running” 2min jog/ 2 min walk/dance intervals 

Here are my stats at 5:51am - I did this:

4.01 miles @ an avg pace of 14′41″ ( way better than I thought I would) 

my average fudge eating heart rate was 142 bpm 

Weather - 15 degrees _ WTH was I thinking? I felt great though! I could not tell you if my ears are actually still on my head but my fingers are wonderful.  

Looking at my splits that first mile is rough but I got better each mile as I relaxed and thought about this being my time to take care of me and just focus on my self care and how this is therapy and not a chore or torture.  Now I have to just decide if I am going to do P90x or try something different until I get done with this race.

So just to remind myself what it feels like when I stop taking care of myself because of (in no particular order)

work gets busy and I need to skip my self care to get caught up on charts/paperwork

kids move back and need me

holiday eating throws me off

ball games and providing the pregame meal

thinking I will restart tomorrow then don’t

husband gets sick 

kids go onto quarantine

contract negotiations

feel the need to make Christmas presents instead of buying them

endless list of to dos that I never actually get around “to doing”

give in to the endless bad for you goodies on the break room table- why doesn’t anyone do fruit baskets anymore

eat take out because of stress and busy

This is what happens when I put everything before myself

I gain weight

I lose all the strength and endurance I worked up to

I feel like a failure

Even though I got back down to my weight before I fell off I am disgusted when I look in the mirror

stop spending time in prayer and devotion

I stop doing things with friends 

I focus on my kids (smothering them) and drive them insane

I am unhappy with myself so I don’t feel loving towards my husband

I make the mistake of taking my vitamins and drinking too much water before I run and then want to throw up during my run ** I did remember to chew gum so I wasn’t thirst**

I breathe like I am dying and need a vent with just an easy run

I fall behind on my half marathon training and now I am stressed about catching up

I feel like I need to start over on P90x or maybe I will start something else instead. 

So the lesson for today is SELF CARE IS NOT SELFISH 

I need to not give up on me...... 

I am off this week and will do my self care first then and only then will I set to completing unfinished TO DOs.

Thank you to those that reached out to me to see how I was doing and where I was at.  You got me back on track.

TODAY-

Distance: 1.5 miles 

Jog/walk interval:  1:45/1:45 I questioned this at the beginning but ended up doing fine. 

 Avg pace: 14′01 

Weather - has been raining and slick as all get out-  42 degrees- humidity 96%- that could be why I felt like I was gasping for air ( really it is more of eating poorly and loss of endurance but we will blame the humidity since it is my first day back)

I had to get back on track.  I missed my 1.5mile run on Wednesday and today was my long run of 2 miles for my half marathon training.  So I got up early.  My brain said wait till daylight. So I did, then I didn’t want to run on our road and I needed to pick up stuff for supper so I talked the hubby to go with me.  I don’t like running with someone because I feel like I hold them back.  I have run with the hubby before and he likes to run faster and then come back to me or he says something about the way I breath when I run and I just don’t like it at all. So I told him, to just run his run, I am not going to worry about how fast or slow I am going.  So I got my gear on and when I was adjusting  my running belt that holds my phone I keep tightening it.  I bought this one because it has the extender option.  Today... I took off the extender.  I don’t know why I am to do it this time and last time I ran a half marathon I needed it.  Maybe the material stretched or my body is just changing differently.  Don’t know but I had a little more pep in my step going to the car. 

We drove to a paved path in town that runs through the woods through parts of town.  I started my interval app - Walk 1:45 run 0:45 and my music app and off we went.  I didn’t get upset I just did my thing.  I had to go slower than I wanted to start because there are ALOT of tree roots and I don’t want to hurt myself.  Then I got in my groove when we got through that part.  The pavement got smoother and I got into my stride.  I felt comfortable running. The only thing I didn’t like about todays run is I forgot my DANG GUM.  Mouth was dry after the first jog.  I need to put that in  my run bag.  

So I got to the last 0.5 mile. We are heading back to our start point and my dry mouth is about to get me down and Work Bitch by Brittany Spears  

comes on and gave me the push I needed. I need to have that as my soundtrack of my daily life just playing behind me wherever I go on a loop.  I didn’t even notice that I had reached the end of my interval app.  So I guess it is time to change it to run a full minute now and keep upping it each week.  

Monday - rocked it..... The rest of the week was being up at 3am charting and seeing patients until 5 come home and fall into bed.  Thursday I had to leave at lunch to pick up the pregame meal for my daughters high school team then a hour car ride one way. Watch my daughter play then drive home fall into bed. Today I had hell day cause nothing went my way, my nurse (the person who keeps me on track and from walking in small circles) was sick so I was off kilter all morning we close half a day today but I am on call so my phone is ringing constantly and i had a nail appointment. My nails look fab.  

I didn’t want to cook so we ordered thin crust pizza.  Not keto but i didn’t care at this point. I was getting Hangry and then I realized I have only had a few pistachios all day. Well no wonder I was so cranky.  So no blueberry pancake cheat meal tomorrow. I had pizza tonight for my cheat meal. Tomorrow I will do my long day and I guess I will repeat this week on P90x.  It’s a marathon not a sprint.  

Last week - 249.2

This week 247.8  for a weight loss of 1.4

My morning workout in there words.  

Did P90x Chest, Shoulders, triceps - all good, getting better. Still not a huge fan of pushups- still on my knees and pull out some of my favorite cuss words during those but I am progressing.  

ABs - I have progressed to AB ripper B - So I am pretty good on most of those exercises- I can do the ones that are crunch like and I am decent on ones that you are just leaned back. But if you ask me to cross over and go from flat on my back to sitting up I can’t cross the plane drives me nuts.  However, I modify most of the new ones.  So when we did BUDHA - I realized I didn't modify.   I didn't have my feet on the ground and didn't realize I was not modifying until I was almost done - YEA!  I did have to lie to myself and say how much I loved those roller bicycle things. Still not a fan

RUN- First thing I noticed on my first lap was that i forgot GUM and I had cotton mouth for most of the run. I did get my run in.  So my half marathon training has officially begun.  I did 1.5 miles my pace is always slower in the dark, makes sense right?  pace 14′53″. I am not 100% sure if I don’t walk faster than I run.  I know that I have an issue with overthinking while I run.  Like doing math calculations on how many laps, how many steps in that lap,  so today I concentrated on just running with the music and  getting into the groove.

I got in and registered.

Sounded like a great idea until I hit the submit button. Praying for a easy winter so I can train out side because I don’t like training inside. My hubby and friend from Washington are running it with me and that should be fun. I ran this once before but at 10.33 I was taken off the course because my ankle was so swollen I couldn’t set my foot down without pain. I was out of work for three weeks.  It isn’t happening again. 

So it is O Dark thirty here but I got up and did the “long” run (1.5miles) I was supposed to have my lazy but do yesterday.  Sweet hubby blew the leaves off the driveway so I can see but when I got up and went out this morning it was covered with leaves again. So instead of making the driveway part of my loop I just ran on the road.  Dodging leave covered areas because in my minds eye those are covering ankle breaking pot holes. I felt good. No pain anywhere, wasn’t struggling for breath.  I did  try having gum this time again.  It keeps my mouth moist but this time I didn’t bite my lip repeatedly.  

So let me sum up.  I am on a mission to be healthy. That isn’t  enough to say so I made a list of things I wanted to accomplish before my daughter’s high school graduation in May. I have bought equipment to help me work up to a pull up cause you know that is a goal.  So to attain that I need to decrease the weight I am pulling up and build my biceps and back.  My left bicep is being a snarky witch and not wanting to participate so I am limited to the weights I am lifting because can walk around with one popeye arm and one Olive Oyl one now can I? Work is being stressful.  I let it be.  I could blow some of it off but that is not the person I am.  P90X starting week 7 tomorrow - Keto - signed up for Healthy Wage so I put money where my mouth is.... and basketball season is starting and I will be running to games (which I love) after work.  So in the spirit of wanting to make all of these life changing healthy modifications.  I decided for the next 6 months - I am going to be stress free. Totally in my zen.  musssah.  ohhmmmm.  all of that .... when I want to lose it and throat punch someone.... not gonna do it cause the only person I need to feel at peace with is myself and God.  That is it.  Remind me that when I get on her venting in a few days.  

So this weeks goals. - 

- lose 2 lbs

- drink 128 oz of water every day.  

- take my meds ( blood pressure med and vitamins)

- do my workouts

- get my charts done at work

-stay on play - I do this quite well but this time I made menus so I am not getting keto options at fast food

-be at peace

So I did great all the way to Thursday because I went back to work and never fails that after I take a day off I pay for it the next day. So yoga was a no go which compounded it then same for Friday.  Saturday, hubby took me out for breakfast and since I was so amazing all week I had a blueberry pancake. I have paid for it all day.  I have sat in the recliner.  That’s okay.  I need rest, I have been under mental and emotional stress lately.  We are in a tight spot in our budget and I am waiting for a new contract and hoping it will be a help to us.  Then the diva daughter is moving back next week.  Sporty spice (youngest daughter) had a “meet and great” for her basketball team and it was the first time anyone in our small town really has seen her play.  She transferred to the small school due to her having increasing depression and some emotional struggles and needed to get out of the school she was in and in a new more supportive environment.  It was so nice to see her play and do well.  I also got to meet the girl she is “talking” to.... She seems nice and her mother seems nice.  Dating is so different then when I was in the game...

So here is where I added more to my life. I had a patient last year tell me about Healthy Wage... She made money losing weight.  So I ran across it on pinterest and next thing you know I am discussing with my husband over pancakes how much I think I can lose and how much I should bet.  So today started a challenge of 41 lbs in 6months. Then I joined a smaller challenge that ends Dec 23, 10lbs.  So now I have more motivation. I hate to tie my progress to a number on a machine but if I meet my goals I will have $600 + to buy new clothes.  So if I am going to do it anyway, I might as well get paid too.  

So I took today, caught up on my Christmas Hallmark movies and grocery shopping. I have a plan for every meal this week.  I ordered it to be picked up tomorrow after church. One thing I absolutely know for a fact about myself is that if I don’t get my workout done in the morning, it doesn’t happen.  I can't get myself motivated if I get side tracked with my daily life. I do my daily Bible devotion then workout.  It is what works for me.  

How did I miss posting?  So lets catch up - Work is crazy and I want so badly to  skip the workout to catch up on work but guess what?  Work would replace me for someone that spent half the time and not think twice about me so I put myself first.  Look who is figuring stuff out in her later years....yep this girl

Monday - did the chest shoulder triceps workout then AB ripper B- then 1 mile run - I increased my 30sec jog to 45 sec and increased my walk to 1:45.  In my mind it would make my pace better.  NOPE worse. So I had to remind myself that pace is nice to know but we are worried about distance not time right now. Ate on plan - people keep bringing in food and I am doing my best thanks to Chick Fil A - had an egg white grill no English muffin and grilled club no bread. for supper.  

Tuesday - Plyometrics day - living my best life.  Butt is a little sore but getting better

Wednesday - took today off because I needed a mental health day to do nothing that I don’t want to do.  I did my Back biceps - I actually found I couldn’t do as much today as I did last week.  I am also having some intermittent dizzy spells.  Nothing too serious but I am keeping my eye on it.  AB Ripper B - ok I had a breakthrough today - some exercises I like some I despise.  If it requires me to go from lying on my back to breaking that plane and sitting up .... I don’t like it.  I also don’t like the rock n roll to a bicycle thing. I feel like Barney trying to get up from the floor. So on number one I caught myself saying outloud that “I hate these things”  I immediately thought to myself “ you will never like them when you speak negativity over them” so from then on each one came with my attempt of saying something postive aka lying about how I feel.  This is probably the only time I should allow myself to do this.  So here are some of them 

I love these 

yes feels good

I can feel these washboard abs already

these are amazing

genius person that invented these I thank you

my favorite of all ab workouts