Soob Jun

he just can't help it. not when you’re so helpless it physically hurts him. you came home, definitely too drunk to function. you told him that you’d be going out and probably wouldn't be home till late. yet he stayed up, waiting for you to get back to your shared apartment. he was just sweet like that, always lending a helping hand whenever you needed it. tonight was no different. fumbling with the lock on the door and stumbling into the apartment, you discarded your heels, which had been taken off your feet in the uber, alongside the other shoes at the front door. instantly your eyes lit up when you saw hanbin sitting on the couch, just watching as you almost tripped over air. quickly making your way to the open space beside him on the couch. your too-short dress riding up your thighs impossibly so, to the point where hanbin could very well see your bright pink panties that you decided to wear that night.

he was trying so hard to be a gentleman. but god were you making it impossible. the way you pressed your chest against his arm and looked up at him with blown out pupils. he knew it wasn't right. knew all the thoughts running through his head were despicable. but he couldn't help it. not when you looked at him like that.

“binnnn~~~ whadcha do while i wasnt here?” pretty eyes batting at him as you inquired about his night. god the way you said his name,, he swore that you’d kill him. before he could even get one word out you let out a yawn. obviously tired from your long night. smooshing your cheek into hanbins bicep as you got comfortable, wrapping your arms around his as you hummed. “how bout i clean you up and put you to bed?”

such an innocent offer you had to accept. nodding your head quickly before hanbin helped you to your room. so innocent at first. all he wanted to do was help you to bed comfortably. so that requires helping you out of that tiny dress that was barely covering your ass at that point. unzipping the back so slowly before the thin straps fell off your shoulders.

“mm,, bin…” turning around, you pressed your bare chest against him. he knew you didn't know what you were doing, that you were wasted, that he shouldn't take advantage.. but lord this is what he’d been wanting for so long, waiting for the moment you realized he’d take care of you better then any other man would. that it should be him and not whatever meaningless fuck you’d brought home.

now that he had it he wasn't letting it go. you looked up with him with those puppy eyes again. god you had to know what you were doing to him right? his hands finally landing in your waist, softly grazing up and down your sides. soft whimpers fell from you as he palmed your tits. biting your lip, trying to muffle whatever sounds came out of you. the alcohol making you more sensitive than usual. one of hanbin's hands coming up to your cheek, tipping your head up, locking his lips onto yours in a passionate kiss. he swallowed all of the sounds that made their way out of you as his hand traveled lower. fingers pushing past the waistband of your panties, dipping lower against your heat.

“god you’re so wet,, you were waiting for this huh? waiting for me to take you?” you just shook your head, a pout and whimpers leaving you when his fingers flicked over your clit. practically buckling over when they pressed deep into you. hanbin held you up as he worked you open. he needed to stretch you before he fucked you, but god you were making it almost impossible for him not to just push you face down into the mattress and fuck you.

“puh.. please,,, bin,,,, mmph need you.” god what were you saying? did you even know how you made him feel? he was trying so hard to be nice and prep you before he shoved his cock into you but now you were begging like a bitch in heat. grabbing onto hanbin's arm as you looked up at him with those eyes again. he couldn't help himself anymore. pushing you face down into the comforter on your bed before basically tearing your panties off. discarding his own sweats and boxers before bringing the tip of his cock to your –probably not prepped enough– hole.

the feeling of hanbin pushing his thick length into you made you cry out. your walls clenching around him as he pushed himself in, inch by inch. god he was so fucking big, you felt like you were being stuffed to the brim. if you weren't absolutely wasted then it would probably hurt ten times more. gripping onto your sheets as hanbin’s tip pressed against your cervix. his hands all over your body, gripping your ass, trailing your sides, grabbing your waist. he wasn't wasting this opportunity, he wanted to memorize every dip and curve of your body like he has been while staring at you from across the apartment. “nngh… too,, too much,, hanbin, please.” you whined out. hanbin on the other hand wasn't listening to a single word you said. too much in his own world, feeling the way you squeezed around him was like heaven. it was everything he’d dreamed about and more.

“shh,, its okay i know… you can take it for me, you gonna be a good girl and take it?” he didn't really give you much of a choice before pulling out almost all the way and slamming his hips into yours, setting an absolutely brutal pace. tears already welling up in your eyes from how he was hitting your cervix with every thrust. moans that were basically sobs coming from you as you dug your fingers into the comforter deeper. already feeling your orgasm building at a rapid pace. it was all way too much at once. hanbin absolutely manhandling you, pulling your hips back onto his, leaving harsh slaps on your ass. he was close too, your walls still squeezing him impossibly tight making it hard for him to hold on.

“cum for me hun, needa feel you cum on my cock.” those words were plenty to send you over the edge. just a few more thrusts of his tip hitting so deep in you and you released. milking his cock as your orgasm washed over you. hanbin didnt last much longer, feeling the way you squeezed him even harder as you came made him come undone. pushing his cock deep inside of you as he released, feeling the warm fluid fill you up made you whimper out. hanbins lips trailed down your spine before he pulled out. watching the way your mixed fluids dripped out of your hole that he’d just been abusing. he collected the liquid on his fingers and pushed it back inside you, making sure you didnt waste a single drop.

he knew you probably wouldnt remember this in the morning, but to be honest, that was the fun of it!

Hanbin adjusted his glasses nervously, standing at the threshold of your dorm room with a textbook hugged tightly to his chest. His oversized sweater clung to him like armor, but you could still see the lean muscles underneath.

"You sure I’m not bothering you?" he asked, eyes flicking up to meet yours.

You smirked, stepping aside. "Hanbin, you texted me 'Can I come over?' at midnight. I figured it wasn’t just about chemistry."

He flushed, ears turning pink as he walked in. "I, uh… I really did mean the chemistry exam, but… maybe I was hoping for something else too."

You locked the door behind him, your voice dropping as you stepped closer. "Yeah? What kind of 'something else'?"

His breath hitched when you pressed your chest against his, backing him toward your bed. His textbook dropped with a soft thud, forgotten.

"I—m/n..." His voice trembled, but his hands found your waist, gripping you like he’d been holding back for weeks. "You’re distracting. All the time. You wear those shorts when you know I’m looking..."

"And you always look," you whispered, tugging at his sweater, revealing a sliver of pale skin. "I see the way your glasses fog up when I stretch in front of you."

A low groan slipped from him, his nerdy façade starting to crack. He kissed you, clumsy at first—eager, hungry. Your lips crashed, and soon he was on top of you, the mattress dipping beneath your bodies.

He shed his sweater and glasses with surprising confidence now, his mouth trailing down your neck. “I’ve wanted this… I’ve wanted you, for so long.”

“Then take me, Hanbin.”

You didn’t have to ask twice.

Hanbin’s lips devoured yours like he’d been starving for them, hands gripping your hips with a need he never showed in public. You moaned into his mouth, pulling at his sweater until he yanked it over his head, revealing a toned chest you'd only caught glimpses of when he changed for gym.

“You always looked so sweet in your glasses,” you murmured, thumbing at his flushed cheek. “Didn’t know the nerd wanted to fuck me this bad.”

He let out a shaky breath, pupils blown wide. “You have no idea how many times I’ve jerked off thinking about you—on your knees, spread open, begging…”

That confession made your cock twitch, and Hanbin felt it through your thin shorts. A low groan escaped his throat as he palmed you, his touch rougher now, possessive.

“Fuck—Hanbin,” you gasped, arching into his hand.

He tugged your shorts down, exposing your hard length. His eyes drank you in, mouth slightly open, as if this moment was some dream he’d written in the margins of his notes.

“Lie back,” he said, voice low and firm. You obeyed.

You watched him fumble for your lube in the drawer you’d definitely left open on purpose, and when he found it, his hands were steadier than you expected. He slid two slick fingers between your thighs, teasing you slowly—circling, pressing, but not entering yet.

“You ever done this before?” he asked softly, but there was heat behind it.

“With someone like you? No. Nerds don’t usually make me this desperate.”

He smiled—mischievous and dark—before pushing a finger inside you. “Then let me ruin you properly.”

You moaned at the intrusion, hips lifting slightly as he worked you open with care and growing confidence. His free hand stroked your cock slowly, his thumb brushing over the tip in lazy circles.

“Shit—you’re so tight already,” he whispered, adding a second finger. “Can’t wait to feel you around me.”

“Then stop teasing and fuck me,” you groaned.

Hanbin didn’t need more convincing. He rolled a condom on and lined himself up, pressing his thick cock against your hole, letting you feel the stretch inch by inch as he slid in. You both moaned in unison—his low and shaky, yours choked and desperate.

“Holy—fuck, you’re big,” you gasped, clinging to his arms.

He leaned down, lips brushing your ear. “I’ll go slow… at first.”

He started to move, hips rolling in deep, controlled thrusts that hit all the right spots. Each one made your back arch off the bed, moans spilling freely from your mouth as he built a rhythm—slow, then faster, harder, rougher.

Your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him deeper as he rutted into you, his nerdy, shy exterior now replaced by someone completely in control.

“Look at you,” he groaned, thrusting hard. “So cockdrunk already… thought you’d be the one corrupting me.”

“I am,” you gasped. “Corrupting the cute nerd was always the goal.”

Hanbin smirked and slammed into you harder, forcing a cry from your throat. “Then you succeeded, baby.”

He kissed you again—hungry, messy—his thrusts never losing rhythm as you writhed under him. His hand wrapped around your cock, jerking you in time with his strokes.

You were close. So fucking close.

“H-Hanbin—I’m gonna…”

“Do it. Let me see you fall apart.”

That was all it took. You came hard, spilling over his fist with a cry, body trembling under him. A few more thrusts and he followed with a groan, burying himself deep as he came with you.

Silence fell between your panting bodies.

Then Hanbin leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to your chest, still inside you.

“Guess we didn’t really study much, huh?”

but you're already leaning into him, your hand finding his knee through the soft gray fabric of his sweatpants.

"i'm serious! think about it, babe."

your voice is that special kind of excited, the one soobin usually hears when you're explaining a new game you're completely obsessed with or suggesting a takeout place you've been dying to try.

"we've never done it like that. it's always, you know... we're both already hard, and it's kind of rushed and intense. but this..." you squeeze his knee, your thumb tracing a small circle. "this would be different. slower. we could just... be together. and feel everything."

soobin's heart is doing something erratic in his chest.

he's still holding his pen, still surrounded by highlighters and flashcards, and his ridiculously attractive boyfriend is sitting on his bed, talking about his dick like it's the most natural thing in the world. which, okay, it is, they've been together for eight months, they're past the awkward stage. but this is... new.

"you want to..." soobin swallows, his throat suddenly dry. he glances down at his own lap, then back at you, his cheeks impossibly pinker. "you want to sit on it? while it's... you know?"

"soft, yeah."

you nod enthusiastically, scooting closer, and your thigh presses against his.

"i just keep thinking about what it would feel like. the sensation of it... waking up inside me. getting harder because of me, because of us," your voice drops a little, losing some of its excited energy and gaining something warmer, something more intimate. "i think it would feel really good, babe. really close."

and that's the thing.

soobin has never been able to deny you anything when you look at him like that, when your voice goes soft and you say his name like it means something more than just letters strung together. he's completely, utterly gone for you, and you know it. you use that power sometimes, but never cruelly. always like this — to pull him closer, to bring him into a moment with you.

he sets his pen down carefully, marking his place in the textbook with a sticky note; a small, practical gesture that's so distinctly him that it makes your heart clench.

"you really want to?" soobin asks softly, his voice quieter now, a little shy.

"yeah, more than anything right now," you admit, and it's the truth.

the textbook, the phone, the outside world — it's all completely faded away. there is just soobin, in his ridiculously soft-looking oversized white t-shirt and those grey sweatpants that you've told him a hundred times should be illegal, his dark hair falling over his forehead, his glasses framing those warm, curious eyes that are currently fixed entirely on you.

soobin bites his lower lip, a telltale sign that he's thinking, he's considering. then, slowly, he shifts on the bed, putting his textbook on the nightstand. he leans back against the headboard, the wood creaking softly, and his long legs stretch out, then bend slightly, creating a space for you, an invitation.

"okay," he breathes out, the word carrying a mix of nervousness and genuine curiosity. "let's... let's try."

and oh, you don't need to be told twice.

you're moving immediately, crawling over the messy comforter to settle between your boyfriend’s legs. soobin watches you, his hands coming up to softly rest on your hips as you straddle him, your knees sinking into the mattress on either side of his thighs.

you're face to face now, close enough to see the tiny mole under his eye, the way his eyelashes flutter.

"hi," you whisper, a stupid, giddy smile spreading across your face.

a matching smile tugs at soobin's lips, despite his obvious embarrassment.

"hi," he whispers back. his hands are warm through the thin fabric of your pajama pants. "this is so weird."

"good weird or bad weird?"

"just... weird. different."

soobin ducks his head slightly, looking at where your bodies meet, at the tentatively interested bulge in his own pants that's nowhere near full attention.

"are you sure you're gonna be comfortable? what if—"

you cut him off with a kiss; it's soft, just a brush of lips, simply meant to soothe.

"we'll go slow. if it's weird or uncomfortable, we can just stop. okay?"

soobin nods against your mouth. "okay."

you kiss him again, deeper this time, and you feel his huge hands tighten on your hips. you rock forward experimentally, just a small shift of weight, and soobin makes a tiny sound against your lips.

you break the kiss to sit back slightly, your hands finding the hem of his oversized t-shirt. "can i?"

soobin lifts his arms without a word, and you pull the shirt over his head, tossing it somewhere behind you, and your breath catches, like it always does.

you've already seen him naked countless times, but the sight of his pretty bare chest, the smooth expanse of pale skin, the subtle definition of muscle from carrying heavy books and the occasional gym session with his friends — it never gets old. he's beautiful in a way that feels accidental, unassuming.

soobin doesn't seem to fully realize how hot he is, and that, somehow, makes him even hotter.

your fingers find the waistband of his sweatpants, and you look at him for permission. once again, soobin gives a small, shy nod. you tug them down, along with his boxers, just enough. his cock lies soft against his thigh, and you feel a fresh wave of heat pool in your stomach. it's still him, still soobin, still the part of him that makes you feel so incredibly full and complete.

it's just... resting.

you shimmy out of your own pajama pants and boxers quickly, not wanting to break the moment. when you settle back on his lap, it's skin-to-skin, his soft length pressed against the curve of your ass. soobin hisses in a breath, his fingers digging into your hips.

you position yourself carefully, one hand on soobin’s shoulder for balance, the other reaching down to guide him. your eyes meet his.

"ready?"

he looks terrified and thrilled in equal measure.

"ready."

you shift your weight, lowering yourself slowly. the head of soobin’s soft cock presses against your entrance, and for a moment, it just... sits there. it's an odd sensation, really — the familiar pressure, but without the familiar hardness. it feels almost impossibly soft, pliable.

you take a breath and push down gently.

the slide is different; way slower. there is no resistance in the same way, because he's soft, but your body still has to accommodate his size. even soft, soobin is... well, considerable. you feel yourself stretching around him, taking him in inch by inch, and the sensation is so unique, so new, that a shaky moan escapes your lips.

soobin's eyes are wide.

"oh," he breathes. "oh, wow."

"you okay?" you manage to ask, pausing when you're about halfway seated.

soobin nods frantically, his hands softly stroking up and down your sides.

"y-yeah. it's just... it feels so warm, and so tight. but it's also different. it's like... i can feel everything. i can feel every part of you."

you lower yourself the rest of the way, and then you're fully seated, his soft cock buried completely inside you. you sit there for a moment, just breathing, just feeling; the weight of him, the fullness, the strange, intimate knowledge that he's inside you but not hard inside you.

it's like a secret, a moment stolen from time.

you're both still for a long, breathless moment. soobin's hands are splayed across your lower back, warm and grounding, and you can feel his heartbeat, or maybe it's yours — it's hard to tell anymore when you're this close.

"how does it feel?" you whisper, your forehead resting against his.

"warm," he repeats, his voice soft with wonder. "and... tight. but it's like..." he struggles for words, his brow furrowing adorably. "it's like i can feel you holding me. not like... fucking. just holding."

you smile, pressing a gentle kiss to soobin’s lips.

"yeah. that's what i wanted."

you start to move, but not in any real rhythm.

just small, subtle shifts of your hips. you were rocking, more than anything, simply testing the sensation. with each tiny movement, you feel him, soft and pliant, moving inside you, and it's incredibly intimate in a way you hadn't tully anticipated.

soobin's hands roam your back, your sides, his touch full of reverence. your boyfriend is looking at you like you're something so precious, something he can't quite believe is real. his cheeks are still flushed that pretty pink you love so much, his lips slightly parted.

"you're so beautiful," he murmurs, almost to himself.

you feel a flutter of warmth in your chest that has nothing to do with where you're connected.

"so are you."

you kiss him again, deeper this time. your tongue slides against his, slow and exploratory, and soobin’s hands come up to cup your face, holding you close. the kiss deepens, becomes more urgent, more hungry. you feel his hips twitch beneath you, a small, unconscious thrust.

and then, finally, you feel it — the slightest change; a thickening, a growing weight inside you. you gasp against his mouth at the very new sensation, pulling back just enough to look at him.

soobin’s eyes are hazy, his pupils blown wide.

"soobin," you breathe. "i can feel you."

he looks down, as if he could see through both your bodies to where they're joined.

"it's you," soobin whispers, his voice wrecked. "it's because of you. you feel so good."

another small, unconscious thrust. another surge of growth. soobin’s cock is filling out inside you, pressing against your walls in a way it couldn't when it was soft. the sensation is really overwhelming — the gradual stretch, the increasing fullness… you can feel every ridge, every vein as they become more pronounced.

you can feel soobin getting harder because of you, because of the way your body is wrapped around him, because of the kisses, because of the closeness.

"oh—my god," soobin pathetically whimpers, his head falling back against the headboard. his hands grip your hips tighter, his knuckles white. "oh my god, that feels... that feels so..."

"i know," you groan, and you start to move with more purpose now, rolling your hips in a slow circle. each movement seems to encourage him, to draw more blood, more hardness. "i can feel every second of it. you're getting so hard inside me, babe."

soobin makes a sound that's somewhere between a moan and a whine, high-pitched and desperate.

"d-don't stop. please don't stop."

you don't. you keep moving, keep kissing him, keep whispering praise against his lips.

"feel how good you feel. feel how perfectly you fit."

"i can't—" soobin cuts himself off with another whine, his hips starting to thrust up in small, jerky movements that meet your rolls. "it's too much. it feels too good."

"it's not too much," you assure him, your hand coming up to card through his soft hair, pushing it back from his forehead. "you're doing so well. just feel it. feel me."

soobin is fully hard now, thick and heavy inside you, and the transition from soft to hard has left you both breathless and shaking. you've never experienced anything like it — the gradual, inexorable filling, the knowledge that his arousal is a direct response to you, to this moment. it's really intoxicating.

"i wanna move," soobin begs, his voice cracking. "please, baby, please can i move? i need—i need to—"

you simply nod, unable to form words properly. you lift yourself slightly, and soobin thrusts up, a real thrust this time, deep and sure. you both moan, the sound mingling in the small space between you.

"y-yeah," you gasp. "like that. just like that—"

soobin sets a rhythm, slow at first, still overwhelmed by the newness of it all. his thrusts are deep, deliberate, each one punching a soft sound from your lips, and his hands are everywhere — your hips, your back, your face.

he can't stop touching you, can't stop looking at you.

"you're so perfect," soobin babbles, his words tumbling out between kisses and pretty moans. "so perfect for me. i love you so much. i love being inside you. i love—ah!—i love feeling you."

you capture his mouth with yours, swallowing his words, his every sounds. you simply love him like this — open, vulnerable, completely undone by you. the pretty nerd who annotates his textbooks and makes color-coded study guides, reduced to a whining, desperate mess because of how you feel around him.

you start to meet his thrusts, matching his rhythm, making it deeper and harder. the bed creaks beneath you, the sound joining the wet, obscene noises of your bodies coming together.

"i'm close," soobin warns, his voice tight.

he's gripping you so hard you know there will be bruises tomorrow, and you can't bring yourself to care.

"i'm so close, baby, where do you want—"

"inside," you moans. "stay inside—wanna feel you come inside me."

soobin’s eyes roll back slightly at your words, and his thrusts become erratic, losing their rhythm. he's chasing his release, but he's also watching you, making sure you're with him. your boyfriend’s hand snakes down between your bodies, finding your cock, stroking you in time with his thrusts.

it only takes a few more strokes; you come with a broken cry of his name, your body clenching around him, and that's all it takes to push soobin over the edge. he follows with a desperate, high-pitched moan, his hips stuttering as he spills inside you, hot and deep.

for a long moment, neither of you moves.

you're both breathing hard, foreheads pressed together, sharing the same humid air. soobin's hands are still on you, but they've gone soft, just resting.

right now, you can feel him softening inside you, the reverse of the sensation from before, and it's just as incredible in its own way.

finally, you shift, wincing slightly at the oversensitivity, and soobin's hands immediately try to hold you still.

"wait," he murmurs. "just... wait a second. i'm not ready to not be inside you yet."

you smile, pressing a kiss to his nose.

"okay."

you simply stay like that for a long time, connected, breathing together. soobin’s thumbs trace absent patterns on your skin, and your fingers play with the hair at the nape of his neck.

the room slowly cools around you, but you're both warm, wrapped up in each other.

"that was..." he trails off, searching for the right word.

"incredible?" you offer.

"yeah," soobin laughs softly, a little puff of air against your lips. "incredible. you always have the best ideas."

"i know," you tease, but you're smiling too.

eventually, you have to move.

the practicalities of cleanup, of bodily functions, of reality intruding on the perfect bubble you've created. but even as you disentangle yourselves, even as soobin disappears into his attached bathroom and returns with a warm, damp washcloth to clean you both with gentle, careful hands, the intimacy doesn't break.

when you finally settle back into bed, both of you having pulled on fresh boxers, soobin immediately pulls you against his chest. he's warm and solid, and you can feel his heartbeat, still slightly elevated, against your cheek.

"so," you mumble against his skin. "worth interrupting your study session?"

soobin laughs, the sound rumbling through his chest.

"my biology textbook can wait. this was..." he pauses, and you feel him press a kiss to the top of your head. "this was the best kind of practical application."

you snort, elbowing him gently. "such a nerd."

the room falls into a comfortable silence, the kind that only comes after moments of profound intimacy.

outside, the city continues its endless hum.

inside, in soobin's small, cluttered bedroom, there's just the two of you, wrapped up in each other, sated and sleepy and utterly, completely in love.

“soobin?” you poked your head through the door, watching as he looked up from his game, a smile growing on his face the second he recognized you.

“hey.”

“hi,” you stepped inside, shutting the door behind you.

“how was school?” he paused his game, his full attention on you for the time being.

“so tiring. i need to relax,” you sighed, the pounding in your head finally becoming noticeable.

soobin stared at you for a second before chuckling lightly.

“you can take a nap in my bed,” soobin spoke, “i’m gaming with beomgyu, but i’ll try and be quiet.”

the exhaustion in your eyes was evident, and you took him up on his offer happily, practically ready to just sleep on the ground at that point.

“oh, wait,” he stood up quickly, heading over to his tv to turn it on, “is jujutsu kaisen okay with you?”

you laughed quietly, getting situated under his covers, “i’m gonna be sleeping through it. put whatever on, soob.”

“whatever you say,” he smiled, walking back to his pc, “sleep well.”

you hummed in response, turning over to your side as you snuggled up, letting your eyes flutter shut as sleep began to envelop you.

you were grateful for this tradition. getting to hang out with your best friends after a long day of school. it didn’t matter if everyone was busy, just being able to be around them and enjoy each other’s company was enough for you.

you had to admit, ever since you started working along with going to college it got much harder to hang out, but you would always find ways to hang out with them multiple times a week, sometimes crashing on the couch overnight before leaving early for class the next day.

while you slowly lost consciousness, you listened to jujutsu kaisen playing quietly in the back, and the sounds of soobin tapping his keyboard as he talked with beomgyu quietly.

-

you woke up a good hour and a half later, feeling a bit more well rested.

you slowly sat up in bed, stretching your arms above your head as your eyes focused on soobin across from you.

all you could see from where you sat was the back of his head, and sometimes a glimpse of his side profile if he turned his head a bit.

you were pretty bored at this point, not knowing what else to do and deciding you wanted to spend time with your best friend.

soobin wouldn’t mind if you asked him to hang out, right?

you slowly crawled to the edge of the bed, calling out his name quietly.

“soobin.”

he didn’t hear, too engrossed with his game as he continued talking to beomgyu and hitting keys on his keyboard.

you reached your hand out to tap his shoulder lightly, “soobin.”

he jumped slightly at the action, pausing his game to turn around and look at you, slowly removing his headphones as he gave you an expectant look.

“what’s up?” he asked, fluffing his hair with one hand.

you cleared your throat, your eyes flickering across soobin’s face, suddenly aware of how attractive he really was. you blushed slightly, trying to not let it show how much of an effect he had on you. something about his hair in the dim light was getting to you.

“i was just, uhm.. bored,” you spoke quietly, now feeling embarrassed for pulling him out of his game to cater to your needs.

his face softened a bit, looking at his game before looking back at you, “you wanna hang out?”

“only if you want,” you sat back on your heels, trying not to look too desperate, but you were really bored and fiending for some attention at this point. and your eyes might have kept wandering to soobin’s lips a bit too much, or maybe it was you following his hand with your eyes as he brushed back his hair.

what you didn’t know was that he noticed everything, every little glimpse and action. he knew you were into him. but he wasn’t going to point that out.

“i would, but me and beomgyu still have a few hours of gaming left,” he responded with an apologetic look, trying to ignore the way your face visibly dropped at his sentence.

“how many?”

“like, uh, three,” he said, an embarrassed look on his face. you glanced at the clock to see it was already 10pm.

“oh, okay,” you responded, slowly beginning to scoot yourself back on the bed, “i’ll just go back to sleep.”

“you sure?” he turned around more, reaching for the tv remote, presumably ready to give it to you.

“yeah, i’m sure. don’t worry about it, i’m still tired anyway,” you yawned, lying back down and turning on your side, “i’ll talk to you later. night, soob.”

he hummed out a goodnight in response, before putting his headphones back on and turning around.

you were disappointed, you weren’t even going to lie. were you less important than the game to him? soobin would usually drop whatever he was doing to hang out with you when you came over, so of course you felt a bit discouraged right now.

but a part of you felt guilty for wanting his attention all to yourself. he was just trying to talk to beomgyu, and they deserve that without you whining. you decided to not ponder on it too much, and honestly soobin’s sheets were too comfortable for you to stay awake any longer. your thoughts became muddled as you once again let your eyes shut and went to sleep.

-

you woke up to the smell of ramen invading your nostrils. you really thought you were imagining things at first until you realized the smell was in fact right next to you.

you opened your eyes to see a large bowl of ramen, and a plate of kimchi sitting next to it. you smiled brightly as you took in the smell more, letting the comforting smell warm you up.

your mouth was watering as you took the first bite, letting out an audible hum and savoring the taste.

you figured soobin had to have made it at some point while you were asleep, looking up to see him taking a sip from his drink, head thrown back as he was close to finishing the bottle.

your eyes flickered to his adam’s apple, maybe staring for a bit longer than you needed to.

you silently thanked him in your head, not wanting to disrupt his gaming anymore, before taking another bite of the yummy dinner.

you didn’t even know if it could be called dinner anymore considering it was 11pm, but you were hungry.

you got lost in thought, eyes focusing in on soobin’s hands moving quickly across the keys, letting your gaze move to his head, watching his side profile become illuminated by his pc when he turned his head slightly.

it was eerily quiet in the room. soobin had turned the tv off at some point, the only light source in his room being his pc.

once again, your eyes dropped to his hands. long, skinny fingers hitting the keys quickly, sliding all over the keyboard as he typed a message out. a part of you felt bad for staring, but what could you say? soobin was attractive. anyone could see it.

you were lucky enough to call him your best friend, but there were certain points you wished you could be able to call him more.

small taps broke you out of your daydreaming, looking out the window to your left to see rain hitting the glass.

well, that’s amazing.

you didn’t remember seeing that it was gonna rain at all, and it was picking up pretty quickly, the soft taps on the window turning into fat droplets pelting the glass.

you grabbed your phone off the bedside table, opening the weather app only to see that it was going to be raining for the next few days.

and not just raining. storming. there was supposed to be thunder, lighting, and flash floods. you quickly accepted the fact you weren’t going home tonight, and if it was going to be storming like they were predicting you probably weren’t going to be leaving the apartment until it was over.

you slowly put your phone back down, going back to slowly eating your food, this time deciding to take a small bite out of the kimchi lying next to your ramen.

your attention was taken away from the food when you heard soobin shuffling in his seat.

he had turned around to look at you, seeming surprised you were awake.

“you’re up?”

“yeah, uhm, i just woke up like five minutes ago,” you responded, taking another bite of kimchi, “thanks for the food.”

he smiled, “it’s no problem, i felt bad for not being able to hang out. beomgyu just really wants to play games tonight since he’s not free any other day.”

“no, don’t worry about it, it’s fine,” you were still slightly disappointed, but you weren’t going to let that show.

“also, it’s supposed to be raining for the rest of the night, i guess it’s gonna storm pretty bad,” you added.

soobin turned to look out the window, nodding at the sight, “well, you can sleep in here then, it’s gonna be too cold on the couch.”

you shook your head softly. the couch was already pretty cold on normal nights, so you didn’t even want to imagine how cold it was going to be if you slept on it tonight. you were glad soobin was offering up his bed, but that meant he was going to be cold.

“i don’t want you sleeping on the couch either,” you spoke quietly.

he tilted his head at you, lips pouting a bit, “who said i was sleeping on the couch?”

oh.

oh.

your lips parted into a small ‘o’ as you processed his words, just nodding at him. you were totally fine. you could do this! sharing a bed with soobin? your best friend? no big deal. you looked down at your hands, playing with your fingers as you bit your lip, trying to ignore the feeling of soobin’s eyes on you.

soobin watched you for a bit, waiting for your reply which never came. he slowly turned around and went back to his game, unpausing it to join beomgyu again.

you picked up your phone once again, confirming to yourself that it was going to be storming. you put your phone down, deciding the best thing to do at this point was sleep, you hated storms, you didn’t wanna have to deal with them and considering you left your headphones at your house you had nothing to help you.

slowly climbing out of bed, you trudged over to soobin, watching the small smile on his face as he chuckled at something beomgyu said. you tapped him on his shoulder lightly and he turned to look at you quickly, telling beomgyu to hold on a second.

“yes?” he asked, taking in the tired look in your eyes.

“i’m gonna go to sleep, just wanted to let you know,” you answered, giving him a small smile before heading back to the bed.

“goodnight, sleep well,” was all he said in response before turning back to his game.

as you climbed under the covers you couldn’t help but feel even more disappointed at the fact soobin was once again choosing his game over you.

what you didn’t know was that soobin felt terrible and he wanted more than anything to spend time with you. if you had come on any other day, it would’ve been perfectly fine. but him and beomgyu haven’t been able to hang out like this in weeks and he wanted to be able to spend time with his other best friend too. with the screen going black on his pc in between levels, he saw your pouty frame sitting in bed and holding onto his bunny plushie, before sighing and finally lying down.

he slowly lifted one of his headphones off of one of his ears, just barely enough so he could hear the outside noise well. just in case you needed anything, he would be able to hear clearly.

you were getting more comfortable in soobin’s sheets, nearly on the edge of passing out. sleep was starting to reach out for you, ready to envelope you in it’s soft embrace, lulling you off into dreamland. you snuggled your face further into soobin’s pillow, consciousness slipping further away from you- then a strike of thunder.

a loud gasp tore itself from your throat as you shot upright, gripping onto the sheets beside you as you tried to catch your breath. almost as fast as you shot up, soobin was spinning around in his chair to see your shaking frame.

“y/n? are you okay? what happened?” he questioned, staring at you with wide eyes.

“nothing, nothing,” your voice shook as you answered, “just a bad dream.”

you weren’t entirely sure if he believed you, he didn’t say anything for a couple seconds and just stared at you, and all you could do was hope another boom of thunder didn’t reverberate through the sky.

“are you sure?” he pressed further.

“i’m fine, soobin. don’t worry about me,” you smiled, a tight-lipped smile that didn’t reach your eyes, but it was enough for soobin to nod at you and turn back around towards his game, still being sure to keep one headphone off of his ear.

letting out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, you slowly situated yourself back under the covers, trying to calm your breathing while snuggling further into soobin’s covers.

another boom or thunder shook the sky, your eyes scrunching shut as you held on tighter to soobin’s blanket, trying to ignore the loud noises. every time you were calming down more, another loud boom would follow, the sound filling your eardrums and causing panic to rise within you.

your knuckles were turning white from the hold you had on the sheets, feeling tears well up in your eyes as your breathing quickened. you just wanted the noise to stop. you hatred thunder.

ever since you were a little kid, you had memories of hiding under tables to get away from the thunder, letting out loud, wailing sobs as you clung onto your mom after she dragged you out, crying that you were scared of the loud noises in the sky. it was a fear that never truly went away, always sure to carry headphones with you if you knew it was going to rain so you could pop them in if thunder started and block the noises out of your mind. that however, wasn’t working today.

a small tear escaped your eye, followed by many more. you were trying to remain quiet, trying to calm your breathing which wasn’t really doing much, trying to push the fear out of your mind. small sniffles could be heard from you, burying your head further into soobin’s sheets, doing anything to drown out the noise.

you jumped at the feeling of a hand gently placing itself over yours, their thumb caressing your knuckles lightly. opening your eyes softly, soobin was kneeling next to the bed, concerned eyes looking into your teary eyes.

“are you scared of the thunder?” he spoke, glancing out the window before turning back to you.

you shook your head, staring at him, “no.”

“you’re scared of the thunder,” he replied.

“no, i’m not-” you tried to refute, but a crash of thunder sounded, your body tensing at the sound.

soobin stared at you for a bit with a solemn look on his face, his hand coming up to your face to wipe away your falling tears. you tried to ignore the way your breath hitched, and how your eyes widened slightly.

he stood up abruptly, startling you slightly, “come with me,” he spoke, holding out his hand for you to take.

your eyebrows furrowed slightly, but you knew you could trust him. you raised your hand slowly and grabbed onto his as you flung your legs over the edge of the bed, pushing yourself off to stand up.

you let him guide you over to his computer, his hands dropping to your waist to maneuver you to sit in his chair, giving you a small smile before he grabbed his headset.

“hey, beomgyu, y/n is gonna play with us for a bit. she’s taking my spot,” he explained into the microphone, and you heard a muffled response from the other side, not being able to make out what beomgyu was saying.

he pulled the headset off of his head, placing it over your ears and motioning for you to speak.

“hi,” you stammered, your hands resting on the edge of soobin’s desk, not wanting to mess up anything.

“hey y/n! i was getting sick of playing with that loser, i’m glad you’re here,” beomgyu responded, and you couldn’t help the abrupt laugh that slipped past your lips, lifting your head to look at soobin with a smile.

“what?” soobin asked with a confused look on his face, “is he talking shit about me?”

you shook your head, looking back down towards the screen, “well, i’m really bad at gaming. i wouldn’t get too happy. what even is this game?”

“we’re basically connected by a rope, and we have to work together to get the key that leads you to the next level. it’s mostly teamwork,” he explained while you nodded along to his words, forgetting he couldn’t see you.

“okay, i can do this. that sounds easy enough,” you smiled, your voice more determined as you placed your hands on the keyboard, looking up to soobin to make sure you were using the correct keys. he nodded, and you looked back down, ready to start.

you started walking forward, beomgyu’s character moving with yours, beomgyu going to jump while you fell, dragging both of your characters down.

you sucked in some air, your face scrunching up, “sorry! i didn’t mean to do that.”

you heard beomgyu’s muffled laugh on the other side, “you’re fine. not everyone can be an amazing gamer like i am.”

a soft giggle escaped your lips, shaking your head as you played along with an exaggerated tone to your voice, “oh, right, i’m so sorry. i’ll get it right next time.”

you lied. you had tried six more times, and the same exact thing happened every time. you were starting to feel more embarrassed and you could tell beomgyu was getting slightly restless.

you weren’t on time with beomgyu, you would jump too early and he would fall, or you would jump too late and he would fall. you looked down with an embarrassed look as a sigh left your lips.

“i’m sorry, beomgyu. i told you i wasn’t good at this,” you muttered, your hands coming up to cover your face.

“it’s okay, we’ve got this,” he reassured you, sensing how nervous you were starting to get.

“here,” soobin chimed in from behind you, his hands reaching around you to grab your wrists lightly, “put your hands on the keys.”

you nodded, lowering your hands to place them on the keyboard again, situating yourself in a more upright position.

you felt soobin place his fingers on top of yours, his warm touch sending a shiver up your arms. you sucked in a breath, one you were sure both beomgyu and soobin heard. you clenched your eyes shut for a second in embarrassment and wished soobin didn’t have this much of an effect on you.

“i’ll help you,” he whispered, leaning down so his head was next to yours. if you weren’t wearing the headset he would’ve been whispering directly into your ear. you pushed away the lustful thoughts that filled your brain, clearing your throat and nodding at his words.

“okay..” you squeaked, your voice small. this was humiliating.

“soobin’s gonna help me, beomgyu,” you informed him, soobin guiding your hand to click the restart button on the level, the screen flashing as you two were once again at the starting point.

“i heard him, don’t worry,” he spoke, and you smiled slightly. soobin’s hands pressed down on your fingers, guiding your character to move, quickly getting through the part you were struggling with before.

“not so hard, was it?” he asked so quietly, it was almost a whisper. you turned your head to the side slightly, your breath coming out shaky when you realized how close your faces were.

you nodded slowly, his eyes meeting yours with a small smile, “yeah..”

getting through the levels after that was easy, and you had gotten accustomed to the feeling of soobin being so close to you. you were bickering with beomgyu, the two of you talking about everything while you went through the levels, with the occasional jab towards soobin beomgyu would make.

you would laugh every time, soobin simply shaking his head. he was close enough to your ear to hear what beomgyu was saying, responding to the insults and listening to the way beomgyu would get quiet before bursting out with a laugh, not knowing soobin had heard him.

you had completely forgotten about the storm at this point, too caught up in the game as the levels got harder and harder. to be fair, you were barely doing any work. but it was still fun to at least be playing a part in it.

“okay, we have to lock in. this level is gonna be hard,” beomgyu said, and you heard him take a deep breath as you looked at the screen in front of you.

it definitely didn’t look easy.

“soobin, better work hard-“ beomgyu began to tease, his voice cutting out as soobin’s computer shut off, leaving the room pitch black. your eyebrows furrowed as you stared at the screen, turning to face soobin with a concerned look.

he mirrored your expression, turning to look at the screen, “uh.. let me..”

he bent down, checking the plugs and clicking the keyboard a couple times, a slight hum leaving him.

“i don’t know what happened, everything is still connected,” he mumbled, standing back up to look down at you.

a loud knock on the door caused you to jump slightly, soobin turning around to look.

“yeah?,” he called, waiting for a reply.

“the power went out!” hueningkai called from the other side, and soobin turned to look back at you, the computer turning off suddenly making a lot more sense.

“oh, makes sense,” he responded, reaching down to pull the headphones off of your ears and place them on the table next to you. the two of you shared an embarrassed look, both wondering why you didn’t think of that at first.

“hey, where’s y/n? i haven’t seen her,” hueningkai continued. you looked up at soobin with a small smile, a soft giggle leaving you.

“she’s in here. she’s staying with me tonight,” he responded, smiling back at you.

“oh,” he mumbled, a pause before his next words, “okay. goodnight.”

“goodnight,” the two of you called back, listening as hueningkai’s footsteps descended from the door. silence surrounding the two of you once again.

it was hard to see soobin at all. the room was pitch black, and he looked like a silhouette in front of you, nothing more.

“i’m gonna go get some candles,” he blurted, breaking the silence and beginning to make a move for the door.

your hand moved before you could think too much about it, grabbing onto his wrist and stopping him from going any further. well, let’s be honest, you weren’t stopping him at all. he could’ve kept walking if he wanted to. but he stopped for you.

“don’t go,” you whispered, your grip on his wrist loosening as you lowered your hand back down into your lap, beats of silence passing as you waited for his response.

he hummed quietly, turning back towards you, “okay.”

he was standing so close to you, looking down at you, and from the proximity you could make out his eyes, a sly smile playing on his lips as he spoke, “you’re really dependent on me, aren’t you?”

you rolled your eyes playfully, a laugh leaving you, “shut up.”

he did, surprisingly. he tilted his head to the side, almost observing you. a loud crash of thunder filled the room with noise, your eyes clenching shut as your body went rigid.

“soobin,” you squeaked out, not even realizing his name had left your lips as you looked up at him, panic flashing across your face.

you felt your eyes grow watery, a pout forming on your lips as you met his eyes. he looked like he was once again trying to figure out what to do. he couldn’t distract you with technology this time, he couldn’t block out the noise for you. a small tear slipped down your face, a broken whimper leaving your lips as more thunder sounded throughout the quiet room. you couldn’t even be embarrassed about crying over thunder at this point. you were so overwhelmed.

soobin’s hands reached under your legs, pulling them towards him, before reaching his arms behind your chest and lifting you up, holding you bridal style.

a small part of your mind flickered to how strong he was, how easily he was able to pick you up and how easily he was able to carry you.

he shuffled over to the bed, lighting tossing your body down as you landed with a quiet “oomph”. your eyes flickered down towards him, trying to make out where he was in the darkness.

you saw him lift one leg up onto the bed, leaning his upper body over you as he held eye contact with you, not saying anything, just watching how you reacted to him.

he slowly began to crawl up your body, the only noise being your shaky breaths and the rain hitting the window. shivers erupted across your body as you felt him get higher.

what the fuck is he doing? you thought to yourself, your eyebrows scrunching up in confusion as you watched him.

he was so close now, leaning right over your face. a lightning strike lit up the room, your eyes meeting soobin’s more clearly. there was desire evident in his eyes, your mind going haywire. you had to have been imagining that, right? there’s no way.

he leaned down very slightly, his voice quiet and breathy as he spoke, “do you want me to help you?”

a small gasp slipped past your lips, your eyes wide. you couldn’t say anything. the words wouldn’t leave your mouth. this was not happening. this was not reality.

he leaned down, his face so, so close to yours, before he moved his head towards your ear, his breath tickling your skin as he continued, “use your words. yes or no.”

a shiver ran down your spine, a shaky breath leaving your lips as your body finally forced the words out, “yes. please.”

you felt him smile against your ear, lifting his head once again so he was hovering over you. he reached one hand out to wipe the still-wet tears on your face, his thumb then trailing down to your lips and pulling your bottom lip down before letting it slap back into place.

god, he was so hot. you sucked in a breath of air at the action, your eyes locked on his as began to lean down.

it was soft. his lips were so soft, slowly moving against your own as he titled your head up slightly to access your mouth better. a soft whine slipped past your lips, your hands coming up to wrap around his shoulders.

he pulled away, looking into your eyes. this was your best friend. you were kissing your best friend. your hands slid up to his hair, tangling themselves in his roots and tugging slightly, hearing him suck in a breath of air before his lips were back against yours.

his tongue prodded lightly at your bottom lip, and you obliged easily, opening your mouth to let him in. he was so gentle with his kisses, but they were all-consuming at the same time. his hand that was on your jaw moved down your body, fingers playing with the hem of your shirt before he pushed his hand under slowly.

a gasp left your lips at the feeling of his cold hand on your warm stomach, his large hand splayed out on your abdomen. he wasn’t moving it, just holding it there, like he was waiting for you to tell him to stop. like he wanted you to tell him this was a bad idea.

you didn’t. you would never. fuck, you’ve wanted him for so long, you weren’t going to cut things off now.

his mouth was pushing harder against yours, his kisses getting slightly more rough. your thighs rubbed together while your fingers found themselves tugging at his hair once again. you felt him smirk against your lips, his hand finally beginning to inch up your abdomen.

another crash of thunder. your lips stuttered against his, the grip you had on his hair loosening at the sound. you were so enthralled, you had forgotten why you two started making out in the first place.

he pulled away from you slightly, just enough so he could speak, your lips still brushing each other so very lightly.

“focus on me. not the thunder. i’m right here,” he mumbled, placing a soft kiss to your lips before moving down to your neck.

you only nodded at his words. you felt like you were in a dream at this point. his lips softly kissed at your neck, nipping slightly in certain spots before he made sure to run his tongue over the spot, pressing a small kiss before moving on to another spot.

you rolled your head back against the sheets, giving him all the access he needed as a quiet moan slipped past your lips. a fleeting thought of how you would explain this to hueningkai in the morning popped into your mind but you decided that was a problem for tomorrow.

you felt his fingers reach the bottom of your bra before stopping and tapping your skin lightly. you guessed he was asking if it was okay to keep going further.

“yes,” you spoke, your voice breathy and sounding foreign to yourself. he hadn’t even done anything to you yet. his hand moved up higher, cupping your bra-covered breast in his hand and giving it a light squeeze.

a moan slipped past your lips before you shut your mouth quickly. you had forgotten you weren’t alone for a second. you felt him laugh against your neck, his breath tickling you and the sound so soft. he sat up, the hand that was holding himself up moving to the bottom of your shirt.

“can i take this off?,” his voice was quiet, but it wasn’t nervous. no, he sounded confident. it only turned you on more, a whine slipping past your lips as you nodded your head, arching your back slightly to make it easier for him.

he pulled your shirt over your head quickly, tossing it to a random corner in the room before he was leaving down, his lips latching on to your chest. you sucked in a breath at the action.

“soobin,” you whispered quietly, your voice shaky and ridden with need. you didn’t know where to put your hands, they were going from his shoulder, to his hair, to his biceps.

his hand snaked under your back and you lifted yourself off the bed as best you could as he undid your bra. you tried not to let the fact that he did it effortlessly with one hand linger for too long in your mind. he slid your bra off your body slowly, before leaning back down to press a kiss on your now exposed breast, his other hand coming up to play with the other one. his lips latched onto your nipple, lolling his tongue over the pebbled skin and you swore you were going to go insane.

gasps and whines were leaving your lips as he continued to pleasure both of ur breasts, humming against your exposed flesh. he pulled away just slightly, his hand continuing to squeeze and caress your other breast as he mumbled, “you’re so pretty, fuck.”

“more,” you whimpered out, any proper responses long gone from your mind at this point. your hands clawed at his shirt as best you could, trying to pull it over his head. he got the memo, sitting up and tugging the offensive piece of clothing off of him, your eyes taking in his now exposed chest.

it wasn’t something you hadn’t seen before- no, you had seen him shirtless hundreds of times. this felt different. so, so different.

he leaned back down, trailing kisses down your torso while his hands roamed before finally setting on the hem of your sweats, “lift for me.”

you pushed your hips off the bed slightly, giving him access to pull your sweats and panties down slowly. you heard a small gasp escape his lips, your legs pushing together out of instinct, “you’re soaking, y/n, fuck.”

he hummed, shaking his head before pulling your legs apart, “don’t hide from me.” you whined softly as your head lolled to the side, embarrassment flooding through you. you shouldn’t be embarrassed, really. but nerves were still coursing through your body, your eyes clenching shut.

“hey.” his hands rubbed your thighs lightly, pulling your attention back to him, “why are you so nervous?”

you didn’t say anything for a bit, pursing your lips as you thought of a response. “you make me nervous,” you finally mumbled out, looking down at him slowly.

he chuckled softly, his fingers moving further up your thighs, closer to where you needed him. a soft gasp left your lips, your eyes widening slightly. he hummed, his eyes flickering down and back up, “i do?”

you nodded, a small- and borderline embarrassing- whimper slipping past your lips. your hips wiggled slightly despite your nerves, trying to get him closer to where you needed him. “soobin, please,” you gasped out, your eyes staring into his.

he finally obliged, one of his fingers sliding through your folds, a sharp gasp leaving you. “keep your eyes on the mirror, baby,” he mumbled, giving you a smirk as your head fell back, your eyes barely being able to make out the sight that was being reflected on the mirror.

“want you to watch as i ruin you,” he continued, your body tensing at his words. god, you were not making it out of this. his fingers slid up to your clit, slowly massaging the bundle of nerves. your breathing sped up, a soft moan slipping past your lips as your hands grabbed onto the sheets beside you.

“soob, please. need you so bad,” you whined, grinding your hips up into his hand. his other hand moved to your abdomen, pushing down to keep your hips in place. a moan left you, your hands moving from the sheets to his hair.

“patience,” he replied, a teasing lilt to his voice. his fingers moved from your clit, two of his fingers prodding at your entrance before pushing in slowly. you moaned softly, your head rolling back. “eyes on the mirror,” he mumbled a reply, pulling his fingers out almost all the way before pushing them back in.

you didn’t really hear him, focusing too heavily on the feeling of his fingers. until you felt him latch onto your clit, his lips sucking lightly and drawing a mix of a moan and a gasp from your lips, “fuck!”

you pulled your vision back to the mirror, the sight barely illuminated, the only thing visible being your silhouettes- which were still incredibly hard to see. your fingers tugged at soobin’s hair, trying your best to contain your sounds as you bit your lip so hard you were sure you could draw blood soon.

he was licking and sucking at your clit, his fingers speeding up inside of you, the wet sounds that were leaving your pussy were something you would have normally been embarrassed by, but you were too far gone by this point.

whispers of his name and profanities were leaving your lips, your hands gripping his hair harder as he hummed against you, sending a chill throughout your body. you felt the first tingling’s of your orgasm creeping up on you, your legs threatening to close around his head.

“soobin- soobin ‘m close..” you struggled out between whines, unable to do anything besides take what he was giving you, throwing your head back against the pillow.

soobin removed his fingers, moving his hands to hold either of your thighs down as he moved his tongue, licking a long stripe up your heat. one of your hands flew from his hair to your mouth, struggling to hold in the noises leaving your lips at this point.

“you’re so fucking wet. tastes so good,” he mumbled against your lips, licking and sucking harder as he pushed your legs further apart, practically making out with your cunt, “you gonna cum for me? gonna cum all over my tongue?”

you nodded dumbly, too close to your orgasm to process his words or anything that was happening around you besides the feeling creeping up on you. your eyes were trained on the ceiling, your orgasm growing tighter, so close to falling over the edge.

a lightning strike lit up the room, giving you a perfect view of soobin’s head in between your thighs, your hand gripping his hair, and your fucked out face. you stared back at your reflection, the familiar feeling creeping up on you all too quickly.

“fuck, i’m gonna-“ you started, your orgasm cutting you off as your back arched into the air, your hand tugging harder at soobin’s hair. your body shook, his hands pushing your thighs down harder as he groaned into your cunt, the feeling heightening your orgasm. muffled whines pushed their way past your lips, although your hand was trying its best to muffle the noises.

soobin wasn’t slowing down. even as you started to come down from your orgasm, tinges of overstimulation mixing pain with pleasure, he kept going. “soobin.. too much,” you whimpered, your hand falling from your mouth to grab onto his hair, attempting to push his head away.

“you taste so good,” he responded, his voice muffled and sending vibrations up your core, your legs twitching at the feeling.

“soobin,” you mewled, tears welling up in your eyes as you attempted to push your thighs together, your head falling to the side.

he lifted his head, looking up at your shaking form with a small smirk adorning his lips, “you can give me one more, can’t you?”

he went back to eating you out almost immediately, except this time he removed one of his hands from your thigh, pushing two of his fingers inside your dripping hole, beginning to thrust them in and out.

you threw your head back, a gasp falling from your lips as your hands tugged at his hair. “i can’t.. soobin,” you whimpered, tears falling down your face at the feeling.

he moved his free hand, once again pressing his hand down on your stomach as he sped up his fingers, the feeling pushing you close to the edge once again. you but your lip hard, holding in the noises threatening to leave your lips as he continued his ministrations.

you couldn’t even give soobin a warning this time, your second orgasm crashing over you as your eyes rolled back, your pussy gushing all over his fingers and face.

he helped you ride out your orgasm, slowly pulling his fingers out of you once it started becoming too much again. he pressed a soft kiss to your sensitive clit, your legs jumping slightly at the feeling.

he pushed himself back up your body, enveloping your lips in a soft kiss. you tasted yourself on his lips, humming quietly into the kiss. he ground himself against your core, his bulge applying the perfect amount of friction against your clit. you gasped against his lips as your head tilted back slightly.

he looked down at you, a teasing expression on his face, “what’s wrong?”

you couldn’t care less that he was teasing you at this point, grinding your core up against him. “need you,” you mumbled.

“yeah?” he teased, continuing to grind his hard cock against you. he wanted to be inside you so bad, his sweats were painful at this point and your pussy was providing the perfect amount of friction for him. he wanted to keep teasing you, to see how far he could push you, but his self control was shattering more every second.

he pulled away, a whine falling from your lips at the feeling disappearing. you looked up at him with a pout, “why’d you stop?”

“i’d rather you come on my cock,” he replied simply, his words rendering you speechless. he tugged his sweats and underwear down in one go, his hard cock slapping against his stomach. the tip was red and leaking, your mouth dropping open at the sight. he stroked himself a few times with his hand, a cocky smile on his lips when he noticed your reaction.

“holy shit,” you mumbled, a new wave of arousal washing over you. he leaned his body over yours once more, pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

“are you ready?” he asked softly, lining himself up with your entrance. you nodded quickly, letting out a desperate hum as your hands tangled in his hair, pulling him back down to your lips. he reciprocated the kiss immediately, pushing his hips forward slowly and enveloping himself in your tight heat.

you gasped, your lips separating from his as your face scrunched up and a moan spilled past your lips, closing your mouth quickly. soobin’s eyes were closed, his eyebrows furrowed as he continued to move forward slowly, “fuck, you’re so tight.”

you couldn’t get any words out, noises stuck in your throat as he practically split you open on his cock. he finally bottomed out, his thighs flush against the back of yours. you could feel every ridge and vein, a deep breath leaving him as he spoke, his voice shaky, “i’m gonna start moving.”

“okay,” you whispered, a whine slipping past your lips as he pulled out, pushing himself back in quicker than before. you couldn’t think straight, your mind muddled and completely focused on how good you felt right now, how soobin was fucking you just right, setting a perfect rhythm.

“soobin, fuck,” you mumbled, your hands moving to his neck, his arms, his back, anywhere that you could get a hold of to ground yourself. the sound of skin slapping skin reverberated quietly throughout the room, the both of you trying your best to be quiet, but, fuck, it was hard.

“gonna make you cum on my cock. make you forget about everything else,” he sighed, his hand coming down to push on your stomach, your eyes rolling back at the pressure, “fuck, you’re taking me so well, baby.”

he stopped his movement, a frustrated sigh leaving your lips as you looked up at him, “no- no, don’t stop.”

he didn’t answer, grabbing your legs and pressing them to your chest, holding them there by the back of your knees as he started to move again, the new angle making him feel even deeper. “fuck, oh my god,” you whimpered, throwing your head back against the pillow. he had you practically locked under his hold, unable to do anything besides take all of him.

a certain thrust had him pushing up right against your g-spot, a broken gasp leaving your lips as your hand shot out to the sides, gripping the sheets as your eyes rolled back. soobin caught on quickly, rolling his hips up against the same spot, “right there?”

“yes, yes, please, oh my god,” you babbled, trying your best to hold the sounds threatening to push past your lips in. he picked up his pace more, hitting the perfect spot repeatedly. you felt your high growing quickly, the band getting ready to snap.

“soobin, i’m close,” you whined, his hand immediately coming down to rub circles on your clit. the added stimulation pushed you even closer to the edge, your eyes clenching shut.

“me too, baby. gonna stuff you full of my cum,” he groaned out, his thrusts becoming sloppy as he neared the edge, “you would like that, wouldn’t you?”

“pleeease, i need it. need your cum,” you whine, your hands pulling at the sheets harder as you feel the band in your stomach growing tighter, “i’m gonna cum- soob!”

he sped up his thrusts, rubbing harder at your clit, “cum for me.”

his words pushed you over the edge, your toes clenching and eyes rolling back as your orgasm exploded, your release gushing all over his cock. your pussy clenched tightly around him, making it harder for soobin to move as he groaned, watching how your face contorted as you succumbed to the overwhelming pleasure.

“fuck, baby. squeezing me so tight. i’m gonna cum, gonna fill you up,” his voice was strangled and shaky, his hips slamming against yours as he shot his cum inside you, throwing his head back and clenching his eyes shut. he rocked his hips slowly against yours, helping the two of you ride out your highs.

your breathing slowed down as your body relaxed into the sheets, trying to process what had just happened. his forehead dropped against yours softly as he pressed a soft kiss to your lips before releasing your legs, them instantly falling down by your sides.

“hey,” he whispered against your lips, a soft smile playing on his lips as his hands came up to your face, pressing another kiss to your lips before he continued, “want you to ride me.”

your eyes snapped open, staring into his eyes with an exasperated look, “soobin, i’ve come three times already. i can’t do another one.”

“oh, but i think you can,” he smiled, looking out the window before turning back to you, “besides, it’s still thundering outside.”

you couldn’t even get an answer out before he was flipping the two of you over, a gasp leaving your mouth as your hands shot out to his chest to steady yourself. the new position had him hitting different spots inside you, your pussy clenching around his hardening cock.

a corner of his lip lifted, his hand slapping your ass lightly, “turn around for me, baby.”

you obliged, pulling off of him with shaky legs as you both winced at the feeling as you moved your body, positioning yourself over him once again. you were trying to ignore the soreness in your legs, grabbing his now hard dick and aligning him with your entrance before slowly sinking down.

you bit your lip hard, holding back the moan of pleasure, a small whimper slipping out instead. “fuck, soobin,” you whined, your head dropping to your chest as you continued to lower yourself, finally feeling him bottom out.

“just like that, doing so good for me, hm?” he mumbled, his hands coming to rest on your hips as he helped guide your movements, your mouth falling open at the new feeling. you picked up the pace, bouncing up and down on his cock, your hands steadying themselves on his thighs, helping you move quicker as you bit back moans and cries.

your legs were stinging, threatening to give out on you as you tried to keep going and push yourself through the pain. it didn’t work, your legs dropping down as you took a deep breath. you tried to lift yourself up again, but soobin’s hands held you in place.

“relax,” he murmured quietly, bending his knees and pushing his feet into the mattress, his hips thrusting up into yours and immediately setting a brutal pace. you couldn’t fight the loud cry that left your lips, one of your hands slapping up to your mouth as you tried your best to muffle the desperate sounds leaving you.

he was so deep, hitting you in places that had tears welling up in your eyes, your hand gripping onto his thigh like a lifeline. “too much!” you cried, the hand on your mouth dropping down to his other thigh to hold yourself in place.

one of his hands moved from your hip, slowly sliding up the rest of your body before he reached your neck, grabbing your chin and angling your head up towards the ceiling. “look at yourself, baby. how good you’re taking me,” he spoke gruffly, voice consumed by lust.

your fucked-our face was staring back at you, teary eyes and mouth hung open, soobin’s hand holding your chin and his hips pistoning up into yours. his eyebrows were furrowed, his lips pulled between his teeth as he watched the way you sucked him in. you couldn’t help the loud moan that left you at the lewd sight.

it was like a dam broke. all the moans and whimpers you had been holding in were slipping past your lips as the tears that had been welling up in your eyes spilled over. he angled his hips just right, thrusting up against your g-spot again as a loud cry left you. you didn’t even have to tell him at this point, he knew. he kept the angle, repeatedly hitting the same spot that made you feel like you were on cloud nine.

he chuckled quietly behind you, his voice strangled as he spoke, “you want hueningkai to know how good i’m fucking you?” you clenched tightly around him at his words, a whimper leaving your lips. you could practically hear the smirk in his voice as he spoke again, “you liked that, didn’t you? dirty girl.”

“yes, w-want everyone to know- need you,” you stammered out, your voice shaky and cut off with moans. you were nearing the edge for the fourth time that night, loud, unabashed moans leaving your lips as your hands pushed harder against his thighs, trying to ground yourself somehow.

you were so far gone at this point, only caring about the pleasure coursing through you. you felt like you were in a different dimension. you were so close to tipping over the edge, your cunt beginning to clench around soobin as you cried out.

“you close, baby?” he asked, though he already knew the answer. he doubled down on his efforts, thrusting into you faster, if that was even possible at this point.

“please- please.. need to cum, fuck, please, let me cum, soobin, please, want you to fill me up!” you pleaded, tears falling down your cheeks as your eyes clenched shut. you were so close to falling over the edge, the knot in your stomach tightening more and more, so close to snapping, so close to-

your vision went white, your mouth falling open as a cry left you as your cunt spasmed wildly around him. it was euphoric, your body twitching and spasming as he held you in place, beginning to chase his own high. you could do nothing besides take it, whimpers and cries leaving your lips as the pleasure morphed into pain.

“i’m almost there baby, fuck, just-“ he started, his thrusts sloppy and quick as he neared the edge, “i’m gonna cum, fuck, fuck, fuuuuck”

you watched his face with bleary eyes when he came, the reflection dark and hard to make out. his eyebrows were squinted closed and his eyebrows furrowed, his mouth hung open as he filled you up, pulling you down as hard as he could, hot white seed filing you to the brim and spilling out from being so stuffed.

his grip on you loosened, pulling you back against his chest. the position was uncomfortable, your legs and back bent at a weird angle, but you were too far gone to think about that right now. he smiled at your pliantness, adjusting your legs for you the best he could, pulling himself out of you slowly.

you whined at the sting, his hand stroking your arm as he whispered, “it’s okay, just relax, alright?” you nodded, soobin sliding himself out from underneath you so he was next to you, turning on his side and facing you.

“hey,” he mumbled with a smile, watching as you turned your head to meet his eyes with a shy smile.

“hi,” you giggled, your voice hoarse and sleepy.

“i’ve been wanting to do that for so long,” he admitted quietly, biting his lip as he averted his vision.

your eyes widened slightly, turning your body fully to face him as you responded, “you have?”

“yeah,” he said, a small laugh leaving his lips as he looked back at you, “i’ve wanted you since we became friends. i just didn’t wanna make things awkward. but you would always give me these looks and i couldn’t tell if you liked me or not. tonight i just.. i couldn't help myself, i guess.”

your mouth fell open slightly, a smile forming on your lips as you leaned in to press a soft kiss to his lips, “i’ve always been yours, soobin.”

his eyes lit up, a big smile taking over his features as his hand reached up to cup your jaw, pulling your lips back against his. this kiss was different from the others. it was sweet, full of emotion and untold feelings that had finally come to surface.

he pulled away slowly, resting his forehead against yours as he spoke, “let’s get you cleaned up, alright?” as you nodded along to his words, the rain pouring outside the window as the storm raged on, one thought circulated through your mind.

maybe thunder wasn’t so bad after all.

oh, and how you were going to explain this to hueningkai in the morning.

From a light and easy sleep, your eyes flicker open to a tap at your window. Shifting against your warmed blankets, you push up off the bed. With your knuckles, you rub sleep from your eyes. 

Outside, there’s nothing but night sky. Moonlight beams in, all still. It washes your room in a slight, silvery haze. All is how it should be. 

Except for the window. Your curtains dance and billow in a breeze that should not be there. You frown, blinking at it with heavy eyes and a sleep-addled mind. 

You’re sure that’d been closed when you fell asleep. Sleeping with windows open during the summer? Sure. But in deep winter, where even the branches have frozen over and snap off under its weight? No; you hadn’t left the windows open. You hadn’t even opened them at all. Dragging heavy limbs up from where the mattress had formed to their shape, you slip from bed. 

At the window, pulled open to one side, you poke your head outside. Nothing but snow blankets and soft flurries greets you. An ice-cold breeze howls and comes through the open window, bitterly cold against your toasty skin. You run your hands up and down the bare expanse of your skin, hoping for friction to keep the chill at bay. 

You close the window with a firm hand. The lock twists under your fingers with a sure click. Tugging on the window, you make sure that it’s closed once more. And then twice more. 

The bed, still warmed, greets you lovingly. It’s not long before the fog of sleep falls back over you. You tug your blanket closer, and give in to it. 

Tap. Fog receding, you push up from the mattress and strain your ear. 

Tap. Tap.  

Blood running cold, you freeze. It sounds something like a stray tree branch, scraping claws for branches down the glass. Something in it sounds intentional, though.  

The tapping continues for a few more long moments. You can hear your blood roaring through your veins. Maybe a bird’s perched on the ledge? Or perhaps the tree beside your window’s gone awry. 

Behind you, there’s a scrape, or maybe a rustle. You whip your head around. In the center of your chest, your heart stops cold. 

There, a shadowy figure in your doorway, stands a man. He’s tall, only a few inches from brushing up against the door frame, with a broad set of shoulders and long, long legs that seem to continue down from him infinitely. Silken fabric dangles down from his hand, and on his face— 

A mask. Toothy and wood carved and shining in the moonlight with some glazes, it’s terrifying. Especially over the face of an intruder in your home. 

Your chest is tight. He stands there—an imposing presence—in the doorway. Watching. Observing. 

No matter how you will it, you can pull no words up from your throat. They’re all jammed in there tight—constricted by a clawed hand of terror. Your lips tremble around your open-mouthed drags for breath.  

The man steps into your room. Every last drop of blood and rationality you’ve got in you screams. It tells you to run; to dart. Toward or away from him, either would be better than this. 

You can’t. Right where you are, lifted from the bed and weight leaned back into your palms, you are utterly frozen. You swallow dry and blink fast, scared to succumb to the darkness of a blink for even a moment. 

“Who are you?” Your voice comes out hoarse. It takes everything in you. Every trembling ounce of energy, every last reserve of bravery you have stashed away for moments like these. But you said it, and that’s better than shaking here as if it’ll do anything for you. 

“Naughty fox,” he says, littered with taunt and bad intent. His voice muffles against the wood mask, but it comes out younger than you might have thought. “Don’t you recognize me? Or do I not look how you expected?” 

Recognize him? No, of course you don’t. Certainly not with that mask on, but you don’t recognize that build or voice, either. You stare at him bug-eyed. 

Beneath the veneered wood, he lets out a puffed laugh. “Hmm,” he says. He reaches up and pulls the mask from his face. “Perhaps you don’t. It doesn’t matter. What are you going to do when my friend gets here? Tremble like a leaf, like you are now? I think he will like your fear much more than I do.” 

His voice is syrupy and sing-songy, and he’s got the face to match. Dullness hangs heavy and dark beneath his sharp eyes. His skin is sullen beneath the pale moonlight, but you think it might look that way even under the sun’s gaze. And, on his mouth, he wears a smile like cracks in a porcelain vase. It gets under your skin, walking a shiver up your spine. 

Your stomach does flips and rolls. What does he mean, his friend? Finding your fear enjoyable? You open and close your mouth a few times. You are so, utterly screwed. From his head, brownish horns stand proud. You don’t even know how to begin to rationalize that. Quite frankly, the look he pins you with is equally terrifying and hard to swallow. 

“Look at you. You can’t even move,” he hums, voice like knives. “I might believe the scared little lamb act, if I didn’t know exactly how you acted this year; if it wasn’t exactly why I am here.” 

Fingers and toes gone numb, you look him over once more. Down to the hollow eyes and angles of his face, he is beautiful. Hauntingly beautiful; the kind of presence that might enchant you for all its unease, and stick with you for much longer than you suffered it. “Why are you here?” you say. You hate how your voice comes out: mousey. Pitiful. You sound every last bit the terrified thing he accuses you of being. “I don’t know who you are, or why you’re in my house.” Around the words, your jaw trembles. Just like the rest of you. 

In the darkness of his eyes, something akin to wicked interest twinkles. Or, perhaps moonlight. His long legs eat up the distance between the door and your bed with only a few languid steps. The only sound in your room is the thuds of his heavy boots against the wood paneling. 

Looking down at you with eyes that eat and eat, he scoffs. “Well, you don’t know me because good people don’t know me. But you weren’t good this year, were you? So, you will know me,” he says. “We all have to atone for our actions.” 

Utterly still. He’s so still that he absolutely cannot be human. Not if he has to breathe or... anything. But he doesn’t. He just looks down at you with that bone-chilling taunt. Those horns look beyond real up close, too. And, that smile... that isn’t human, either.  

“But, isn’t it so fun that you can answer for it like this?” he says. “In the same way you treated those poor men. You can take what you give, can’t you?” 

You blink up at him. He breaks into your home, into your room, talking about something you’ve done? “I don’t...” you begin, the words both unsure and twisted with fright for his closeness. “I don’t know what you mean. Who are you?” 

“Maybe you think putting up a ridiculous act like this might save you, but it will not.” He runs his tongue over the razor edge of a pointed incisor. “I think I’ll humor you. I am Yeonjun, and my friend is Beomgyu. We are Krampus’ creatures. We come to exact his will onto any stupid little human that’s forgotten themselves this year,” he says. “And you; you haven’t been so good this year, have you? Leaving men like victims, playing with their hearts like toys. From a sweet thing like you, I am quite amused. Really.” 

All the way from the back of your jaw to your chin, he drags his knuckles. As he takes your chin, you allow the chill to seize your body. It’s no use fighting the shudder; you think you might even enjoy the thrill of it. It’s a strange thought. You try and snuff it out, but to rational thought’s dismay, it only fans the flames of the fire set in your core. Your cheeks radiate with that heat, painted a flushed pink that you don’t know how to swallow, either. 

Though that awful, corrosive grin has dropped from off his mouth, a different smile tugs the corns of his lips. It’s loose, much less intense than the consuming of his eyes. “Look at you. I see it. I see that look in your eyes,” he hums. “How would you like to repent, sweet thing? Like this?” 

Slowly, you nod. Looking into those deep, voracious eyes, you should feel scared. And you are. But, in this way—like this, you are not. Maybe it’s the hungry gnashing between your thighs, or maybe you’ve gone and lost your mind.  

He tilts his head up in a quick gesture. “Lay back.” 

The breath in your throat catches. Looking up at him all dumbfounded, you open your mouth to speak. 

Raising his brows in a patronizing lift, he challenges you with dark eyes. “This is not a good foot to start your punishment off on, now, is it? Can’t listen... You’d better get listening, before Beomgyu arrives. He won’t be so kind,” he says, tilting his head to one side something like an animal watching a meal squirm just before they sink their teeth into it. “Lay down on the bed.” 

You kick your legs out from the tangle of the bed and settle down onto your back. Tingling, you press your knees together until there is hardly a seam. In their place, your bones buzz with a self-destructive sort of excitement. Between your mind and body, there’s a lag. Where your body stays here, idling a thousand miles per minute, your mind has floated off somewhere out of touch. Clear thought has gone with it. 

Whoever this friend he continues to mention is, you’re not sure you want to meet him. Maybe that’s exactly what Yeonjun wants: a strange fear like anticipation, placing obedience over you like a collar.  

All breathy-like, you say, “When is he coming? Your friend?” 

He runs his thumb over the inner side of your knee, narrowing his eyes down on you. “Are you excited to see him?” he asks. “You don’t get to think about that. Rotten whores don’t get to be excited about their punishments.” Unravelling that silken fabric from his hand, he circles the bed until he’s at your side. 

The name puffs smoke into your mind like a beekeeper might do to a rowdy hive—it renders you affable. “I’m not a whore,” you say, conviction weak. 

“Aren’t you?” he sneers through a curled lip. Taking your wrists, he raises them up to the headboard above you. The silk is soft enough against your skin as he secures you to it. Maybe a little tight. 

Tight, and restrictive. You try and wiggle yourself free to no avail. Here, with your hands up and bound so that you couldn’t undo them no matter how you try, there’s a twinge in your stomach. 

Yeonjun likes that. He reaches down and places his hand flat over your torso and says, “You get it now, don’t you?” 

Licking your dry lips, you look up at him round-eyed. “I don’t know what I did,” you say. The sheets beneath you rustle against your shifting. “Why are you... punishing me? I’m not a bad person.” 

“I don’t think it’s up to you to decide what kind of person you are,” he says, slow and accompanied by a false smile. “Do you want to know what kind of person I think you are?” Fingers dancing along the waist of your flimsy pajama bottoms, he flirts with the promise of undressing you. But he does not tug. Breaths fall shakily past your parted lips. 

You shake your head. No, you do not. You know you won’t like whatever he has to say about you, if the look in his eyes and the fact that he’s even here has anything to say of it. 

His fingers brush against the soft skin of your belly as he hooks them under the waistband. “That’s why we’ve come. Don’t worry; I’ll show you exactly what I think of you,” he tells you. Your bottoms loosen around your skin as he drags them down. “Lift your hips.” 

Digging your feet into the mattress, you oblige him. The slipping of your bottoms down your thighs, and then past your feet, brings a wave of reality crashing down over you. Your breaths quicken. 

You’d dampened your panties; a little wet patch over grey cotton announces your arousal to whoever might catch a glimpse. His eyes latch onto the sight. 

He brings his gaze back up to you, black eyes amused. “Look at that,” he coos. “What a sweet slut you are. So dirty that she can’t help but soak her panties at the thought of being punished. That’s fucking pathetic.” The words slither out like venom, burning through your delicate skin. 

The entirety of your body jumps at a slap in the shape of his hand against your outer thigh. A chesty yelp crashes out from your throat. The skin there raises in a welt and prickles like tiny, little fires as he runs a hand over it. You might think that it’s meant to soothe, if the smoothing touch didn’t exalt the dazzling bite. He doesn’t mean to soothe.  

Blinking away twinkling tears, you say, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I did...” 

Brushes of his fingers over that damp smear send electricity bolting up your lower back. “You’re not sorry yet. Sorry would look a lot different from this. I think there’s still a great deal of straightening up to do, and you’re going to take every last bit of it. And you’ll enjoy it, won’t you?” he says. “I mean, you’ve soaked your panties. You’re excited to be used, like you use men in your bed. Used like a whore. The heavens are looking, darling.” 

You shift your wrists against their binds, hot under his words like red-hot knives along your skin. Anticipation shoots up your spin as he tugs your panties down now, too. “I’m not a whore,” you shudder out. 

The slickness of the sounds from between your thighs as he parts you with two fingers has your ears burning. His middle finger prods at your hole, and it flutters against it. Collecting some of your slick arousal right from its source, he dips his finger just in and brings it up to display the sticky mess over his fingers. It glistens in the night’s lowlight, catching light in a lewd, humiliating display. He furrows his brows. “Are you sure?” 

You’re not sure how to answer that. Even you know that you’re beyond wet. So, you just watch open-mouthed as he slips his to middle fingers into you. You rustle against the bed with the intrusion, and then again as he begins pumping them in and out of you, pressing against your walls during some and spreading your walls during others. Capturing your lip, you sigh. 

The slight sparks in your belly, and the slick sounds of his fingers working you open—it’s maybe absurd, but nothing you can’t handle. Why he thinks that fingering you might be a punishment, you’re not sure. You just bask in the ebbing rays of twitching muscles, letting soft sounds fall out when he brushes up against a delicate spot. 

His eyes drink you in, working his giving arm diligently. Looking down at you from his nose, he says, “You like that? Of course you do. You’re a filthy slut that’ll take anything she can get. You’re making a mess of my fingers. You’ll clean that up, won’t you?” 

Face burning, you let your eyes flutter shut. Your lashes dust against your shame-reddened cheeks. You know you’re not who he’s painting you to be—you don’t go around like that. It’s not fair. Especially not when this is what he does; coming to exact some sort of flimsy justice in the price of flesh. “D—you do this to everybody you punish?” you say through gritted teeth. “Have sex with them? I don’t think you can... judge me.” 

It’s as if he can feel the sputtering in your belly himself. His fingers, glistening in a thick smearing of you, turn from tantalizing pumps to punctual curls. Your moth falls open into a silent gasp, brows knitted and furrowed. You can hear yourself. So can he—if the twitching of his narrowed eyes says anything. He plays with one of his pointed teeth, something almost vampiric, again. “Not everybody,” he coos. “Just pretty toys like you. Pretty things we can use, and then throw away when they break, without feeling too bad.” 

The silk digs into your wrists, holding you without remorse. You try and rebel against it, hands itching furiously with the need to dig your fingers into his arm, or curl into the sheets, or just grab. Push. You don’t know—all you know is that he beckons a razor-sharp orgasm toward you, and all the hair on your body prickles at its rushing presence. Hoarse groans, filtered through your tense throat and tight jaw, mingle with the wetness of his fingers in your cunt. “W—hah—I don’t—” 

“Stupid,” he mocks. God, his fingers. He knows just where to play; how to turn you even more the fool he claims you are. “You can’t even fucking talk. Your brain’s gone all dumb, huh? On what, just my fingers? I wonder how you’ll handle me. The both of us.” he says. His voice is utterly even despite his fingering. “Open your eyes. Look at me.” 

Eyes and nose and throat burning, it’s like lifting the weight of the sky to open them. But you do. The image of him is bleary, smudged by the nearness of release like heat waves. Like a mirage. And, if you weren’t able to confirm him by the fluttering of your hole around his fingers, or the thickness of them inside you, you might be able to convince yourself that he was just that: a mirage. But, he is real.  

And you’re made to feel how real he is as he tugs his fingers from you, ripping everything away in an excruciating blink of an eye. Just like that, he’d stolen your orgasm. A long, complaining sound comes from your chest. Your blood jumps to the surface, whip-lashed. Between your thighs, all that excitement and pure electricity, it all pulls back like ocean tide.  

You know why he’d done it, and you know why he wanted you to watch as he did. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” he says. “You don’t get to cum. Not until we break down that mind of yours, and built it back up. Into something better. Worse.” 

Heavy boots thud against the floor in front of your window. Whipping your head toward the sound, you find a second man, or... whatever they are, broken in to your room. Your heart thuds in your chest, maybe with the sharp claws of fear around it, or maybe with the loss of ecstasy. You tug against the restraints again as he stands there. A mask, no different from Yeonjun’s, obscures his face. This time, you know that the horns curving from his head are real. He’s not so tall as Yeonjun, but he’s broader. And, something about the way he’s stood there, taking you in... it’s also different. It brushes up against something deep and primal inside you, preserved inside you as instinct to protect against moments like this. 

And, it tells you that tied up is a terrible thing to be, when a creature is looking at you like that. You press your thighs together. 

“Oh, look who’s come,” Yeonjun purrs. 

The air is tense for a moment. The new figure, Beomgyu, reaches up for his mask. It clatters against the ground. 

Seeing his face revealed is the same as it was with Yeonjun. Your eyes dart over each feature. Beautiful and put together in such a perfect way, but tainted by a guttural eeriness. His eyes are heavy and mousey brown, just like his mess of hair. 

And, if Yeonjun’s snark and smiles had been offsetting, then Beomgyu’s serenity is beyond that. Hair-rising. Rotten.  

Yeonjun, beside you now, runs his fingers through the hair on the top of your hair. He curls them into it and tugs as he says, “Aren’t you excited now, dove?” 

Whimpering at the sting, you breathe out, “Yes.” 

Rough fingers joining Yeonjun on your body, Beomgyu brushes his fingers over your outer calf almost captivated. Almost. His touch is different from Yeonjun’s, and that’s all it takes to show you why Yeonjun had spoken of him how he had. He is different.

The both of them roam their hands over you, here and there—featherlight touches everywhere. 

The bed dips and accepts Beomgyu’s weight as he climbs up onto his knees. Hard fingers biting into the plush of your thighs, he takes them into his hands and pries you open. Those deep, odd eyes inspect your cunt. His tongue darts out to wet his snow-chapped lips. “Such a pretty pussy,” he says. The tenor of his voice is both the type of cold that could freeze right through you, and the type of blistering hot that will eat you down to ash. “Keep them open for me.” 

“She does have a pretty pussy,” Yeonjun hums from beside you. His gaze lights up your face. 

It’s hard to breath around the thick knot in the center of your chest. Though your thighs go to snap closed as he splays his hand over your lower belly, lightning twisting your insides, you don’t allow them to. You’re not quite sure you want to see what disobeying this pair would mean. 

God, you’re wet. It dribbles down into the sheets beneath you. You know he sees it, too. His eyes are hungry at it. 

Beomgyu tugs you further down the bed toward him; as far as your restraints will let him before going taut. They tighten around your skin. “Are you scared?” he says. It’s clinical, in a strange sort of sinister way. “You’re shaking.” 

You go to answer him, but can’t speak around the thumb Yeonjun dips into your mouth. He speaks instead. “She’s excited. So excited; you should’ve seen her earlier. Crying over my fingers, just ‘cause she couldn’t cum.” Spikes of his raven hair hang over his eyes as he looks down at you. His eyes narrow. 

The two share a look. It’s enough to get you nervous. Breaking into a scoff, Beomgyu works on his bottoms. 

“You’re gonna be good and take it, right, baby?” Yeonjun says, talking at you more than to you. “It’s only what you deserve.” 

Taking one of your thighs up and lifting it over a broad shoulder, Beomgyu cuts in, “Keep her straight for me, won’t you?” He runs his length up and down your slit, collecting your arousal. Each bump at your clit has you sighing and jumping. 

“You already get her first.” Yeonjun glares daggers.  

Beomgyu’s answering grin tells plenty of what the two think of each other. You’re not really certain they’re true friends. Maybe that’s just the nature of whatever they are, though.

Letting his cockhead tap against your throbbing clit a few times, he feeds off your struggling sounds. Pleased, he pushes into you without ceremony. Your walls are eager to accept every solid inch of him. More than length, though, it’s the thickness of his cock that you have to stretch around. You puff out a whiny sigh and tug on your bottom lip with your teeth. 

Once he’s into you down to the hilt, he pushes off his heels and climbs over you. Coming face-to-face with him, shaggy locks brushing over his eyes, you realize how pretty he is. Is that a ridiculous thing to consider in this circumstance? With him balls-deep in you? Maybe. 

“It’s a shame Yeonjun likes them tied up,” he muses, bracing one hand in the bed at your side and the other pressing your one thigh now to your front. “I’d like to feel your nails on me as you try and handle your punishment.” 

You swallow hard. He’s still nestled and dormant inside of you. The thought alone has your muscles fluttering around him. 

A knowing light passes over his eyes. He pulls his length from you, all the way to where his thick tip pops free from you, and then he fucks himself back into you. “You’re so fucking shameless,” he spits. 

Yeonjun’s fingers through your hair is the only thing you can register as Beomgyu sets a thundering pace. You squirm and arch your back from the mattress to try and catch up, to breathe. None of it makes the slide of his cock or the nudging of him against your sweet spot any less wholly overwhelming. Whining and mewling through gritted teeth, you say, “Oh—fuck, yes! Beomgyu, right there, feels so good right there...” The words twist and slur, your voice breaking under his thrusts.  

“It does? Should I keep fucking you like this?” he says. His hips slow, and he says, “Or should I slow down? Just because I can?” 

Your chest burns. The need to cling to him has the bindings tightening around your wrists impossibly more. All your tugging does is make things worse for yourself. Speaking, the words come out in a fumbling plead. “No—Please, please don’t stop. I wanna cum. Do anything, but please, don’t stop.” 

Piping up from beside you, Yeonjun sneers, “Ask him correctly. No whining.” 

Fighting the desire to wiggle your hips enticingly just for an inch of friction against his cock still nestled inside your cunt, you say, “Please, fuck me.” It’s hard not to mumble the words for shame, but you know that’s not what they want. They want you ashamed; to peel down the layers of societal decorum and turn you into some animal. 

“That’s more like it,” Beomgyu says. He rewards you with those same mouth-watering, tear-inducing strokes once more. “You don’t get to keep your modesty. We know what you’ve done; you can’t pretend to us.” 

So fast, right in your center, that knot begins tightening once more. You writhe and whimper. Where his cock digs into you, the muscles turn each time. 

Yeonjun watches every last bit of your struggling. His eyes dance over your screwed up face, and he listens with intent to your crackling cries. Stroking his fingers over your neck and face and through your hair, you’re not sure if he means to soothe or wind you up. “You’re doing fine,” he coos. “Still breathing?” 

You’re hot and clammy all over. “Mhm!” you mewl. Beomgyu reaches down and pinches hard on your clit. It draws a broken cry out from you, arching off the bed so that your front melds into his. The headboard groans and crackles against your violent tugging. You curl and splay your fingers frantically to try and itch the overflowing urge to grab or claw.  

Beomgyu’s wild eyes get a wry look, and his hips take a new angle. It’s like blinding white on your brain. The drags of his cock, fucking you into the bed, Yeonjun’s dusted touches and Beomgyu’s touches like claws, the delirious spasming of your inner muscles, and the weight of their combined looking, it’s all compiled and too much. You cum blisteringly with a cry. And, with your hands tied up, you’ve got no choice but to suffer its wrath.

It’s a suffering that makes you feel infinitely more alive. 

Floating down, your chest heaves for scarce breath. Ecstasy drips through your veins slow like honey. Past it, you can hear nothing more than a shuffling. That doesn’t matter right now, though. The sweetness of it clogs your senses and has you content. All you can really taste is the sugary goodness of pleasure pulsing through you. 

In the midst of the blur, you think you hear a sly, foxy voice right in your ear. He whispers something along the lines of, “Now that the brute’s done.” 

The weight of Beomgyu hovering over your chest and a puff of cool air over your sloppy cunt are enough to drag your mind toward clarity. Enough to realize that they are by no means done with you yet. 

Clearing thick syrup from your thoughts, you say, “What are you doing?”

You can’t see past him, but you know Yeonjun’s settled between your legs. He holds your thighs wide open like a silver platter. And your cunt, the delicacy. He doesn’t even bother pinning you—Beomgyu does the job for him. Without fanfare, plump lips press an open-mouthed kiss right over your begging clit. The little wet pressure is electrically charged, sending bolts of jagged lightning spiraling up your spine. Your hips jump against it. It’s no use, though. Between the two of them, you’ve got nowhere to go. You are right where they want you. A breath of a laugh falls onto your cunt.  

Beomgyu lifts himself enough to drag your shirt up your torso and bunch it over the swell of your chest. “Don’t ask questions,” he says, pinching your rosy nipple. You choke a gasp. At the attention, both of them tighten into stiff little peaks, prickling hard. “Just fucking take it. You’ll take what you get.” He spits the words out like venom that’s burning his tongue. 

Yeonjun peppers little kisses over the entirety of your cunt, lingering over your hole and right over your clit. You gasp and quake as it reawakens the aftershocks of your all-too-recent orgasm. Beomgyu, not one for dainty touch, palms your tits like dough. He leaves red in the wake of his touch, pinching here and there. Their touches blend; Yeonjun’s intentionally placed brushes, and Beomgyu’s unapologetic play. The tang of blood is heavy on your tongue—you’d bitten your lip raw trying to filter your sounds.  

When Yeonjun flattens his tongue and flicks it up the underside of your clit, though, none of your efforts stifle the guttural cry that it beckons from you. Each of his touches after that, the suckling of it in his puckered lips, the grazing of teeth, and the occasional dips to collect your arousal like sticky sweetener straight from the source, have your body wracked with tingles and flesh-deep shudders. He’s tying that knot right back up in your gut as though somebody might tie the stem of a cherry with their tongue. Each pitiful, pitchy sound you make, he answers with a sound muffled into your pussy.  

Hair dangling down in his eyes and obscuring the rotten look in his eyes, Beomgyu runs a splayed hand up the plane of your chest. The smoothing over skin is a much more innocuous sound in the air than the sloppy sounds of Yeonjun drinking you up. When he reaches the fragile column of your throat, your heart skips a few beats, laying down like a frightened animal in your chest. It comes back to life when he doesn’t stop there. He reaches your mouth and drags your bottom lip down with the rough pad of his thumb, tilting his head back to get a good look at you. 

“Open your mouth.” Beomgyu reaches up for the headboard, where your wrists are secured. He fumbles with it for a moment before the silk flutters down. The release from the strain—from the cutting of the fabric into your skin—is enough to send a chill down you. Your nipples tighten impossibly further with it. Soothing over the indented skin, you bask in the freedom to move. If only you could reach past Beomgyu to dig your fingers through Yeonjun’s hair. 

Hips twitching both into and away from Yeonjun’s suckling mouth, it takes you a moment to get to it. He splays you open further, licks up the sensitive underbelly of your nub harder. Competing to hold your attention. 

 Open your mouth? Whatever his intention is, you both itch for it and dread it. You let him slip his two middle fingers past your lips and over your tongue. The sensation of him pressing down on it is foreign. You furrow your brows up at him with your mouth split over his digits, saliva pooling at the floor of your mouth. Your limbs and stomach tighten, frame going rigid. If he were to just slide them a little further, you know you’ll be fighting for breath. 

And, of course he does. Eyes narrowing and twitching with wicked delight, he pushes them right for your gag reflex. “Let’s see deep you can take it,” he coos. 

Your belly jumps. He’d found your limit. For a moment, he holds it there, even as you squirm. Even as you dig your crescents into his wrist. When he finally pulls them free from your throat, you sputter and swim for breath. Your nose burns, and tears cling like dew in your lashes as you look up at him with round eyes. He scoffs a laugh, his fingers a glistening mess of your mouth. 

Holy shit.  

“Since Yeonjun’s got a soft heart,” he says, pressing his fingers back over the path he’d made the first time. He pushes and pulls them in and out of your mouth the same as he might your cunt, making sure to push down on your tongue with each drag out. “He’s going to let you cum. So, I’ll have to keep you quiet somehow. Don’t want the neighborhood to know what a filthy, rotten girl you are, do you?” Capricious him—a moment ago, he’d wanted you screaming. He just wanted to see you gag on his fingers. 

 You claw for your life, dizzied just enough to feel like it’s heaven’s gates you see behind your closed eyes, rather than the fiery iron gates you fear you’ll be seeing instead. Especially after this; especially as you feel them eroding down your virtue with their poisonous touch. 

Like his words had summoned it, the bumps of Yeonjun’s strong and tall nose against your waiting clit as he laps at your hole pushes you right over the ledge. You’d been dangling there for so long, the fall is almost rapturous. And, when you hit the ground, stars dapple your vision like you’ve really been hit. You go tight like a calm before a crashing, thunderous storm. Releasing, you explode in lightning and shaking limbs. Through it, you dig your heels into the mattress and buck into Yeonjun’s mouth, you rake lines down Beomgyu’s skin and wail around his fingers. You seethe like a storm. 

Rumbled breath goes right into your throbbing, aching core. Yeonjun doesn’t stop on your cunt. If anything, the fluttering of your hole and the twitching of your clit eggs him on. He feasts and feasts like your pussy is the first meal he’s had since arriving here through the snow-fallen woods. Your insides protest the overstimulation, wringing you out almost painfully. Tears fall molten down your temples, wetting the hair that frames your face. Beomgyu, and his weight above you, might act as a grounding presence, if not for the way he watches in cruel delight as you choke and drool over him. 

Beomgyu sneers down at you, “Look at you: slobbering all over my hand. You don’t disappoint, do you? Is this where you thought you’d end up when you screwed others over?” 

It’s not like you can answer him. You just squeeze your eyes shut to brave the roiling in your stomach as they work in tandem to force you right from one orgasm into another without respite. You’re wound up so tight—so, so tight. Sobbing and thrashing; you’re not sure you can handle another. Where the first had been smooth like syrup, and the next even sweeter, this third one feels destructive. This one feels like destruction. 

Freeing his fingers, he wipes them down your cheek. You choke and sputter, lungs burning. He must’ve seen something in your eyes. 

“Too—to much! I can’t... take it,” you mewl. It’s hoarse, but you don’t care. Right now, all that exists is Yeonjun’s hot tongue and the terrifying climax he intends to bring you with it. He indulges in a cocky grin against your pussy for just a moment before brushing his teeth over your clit. 

Speaking for the first time since he’d gotten his mouth on you, Yeonjun’s voice is husky. “Hmm? Even if I...” He flicks his tongue up your clit. Your voice catches in your throat, along with your breath. He’d been torturing the poor bud all night—it throbs hard and twitches at just the slightest attention. “Do that?” 

“Yeonjun,” you cry, warbled around a knot in your throat. It’s half plead for mercy, half plead for more. He continues, keeping his touch cruelly light. Not enough to give you that mercy, but enough to keep you needing it. “Go—d, please!” You don’t know if you’re asking for him to let up, or for more. Either would be better than this. Your eyes burn with unshed tears. 

“Ask for something if you want it,” Beomgyu spits. “If you wanna fucking cum, ask properly. How many times do you have to be told this?” 

You have no shame. Not like this. Shame was something you let them crush up to dust the moment they put their hands on you. Poor voice shot and whiny, you rush out, “Yeonjun, please. I want to cum so bad, I’ll do anything. Just please—ah!—let me.” 

“That’s it,” he says. The corners of his lips twitch. “That’s all I want to hear from your mouth. Words befitting of a slut. But you’ll take what we give you, and that’s that. You don’t get to pick—you just take it.” 

You don’t even hear any of it. Yeonjun pinches your clit one final time. It’s such a slight touch; it’s absurd how your body crumbles at it. Thighs snapping shut around Yeonjun’s ears, you shake violently. It’s nothing to deter him—he works you through it anyway. You don’t even have anything more than slurred, nonsensical whines. 

When Beomgyu pushes off your chest, you blink slowly at the sight of Yeonjun there. His mouth comes off you an utter, obscene mess. Your essence glistens in the moonlight, smeared down his chin and his cheeks and over his swollen lips. He looks absolutely drunk.  

Finally, you for the first time since they’d come, you slump. Your bones and muscles creak. Dragging in quick, panted breaths, the only thing you worry about is feeding your starved brain oxygen and letting the liquid sun still hung heavy in your veins dissipate. 

Beomgyu doesn’t even leave you with any parting words. Tugging his clothes on, he’s slipping out the window, just as he’d arrived here. He’d gotten his fill. 

They’d drained everything from you. You can’t even press yourself from the bed to catch your breath. Yeonjun swipes his tongue over his mouth and cleans the rest of his face off with the back of his hand. 

 Bent over and his mouth so near your ear that you feel each word, he tells you, “Next year, I think I’d like to have you all to myself. Do you think you can do that for me? Allow me that?” 

The fanned words over your cheek—it makes you think that those words he’d whispered in your earlier were not just a figment of your post-orgasmic imagination.

Shuddering, you hope as he follows Beomgyu out the window that he saw in your eyes that you have no intentions of playing saint this next year. 

Not now, anyway.  

﹙⋞ ﹚... back to the 𝓂asterlist

ash: so now that we’re all furiously turned on,, how was it? omg i’m nervous for real.

You arrived just before dusk, when the mountains swallowed the last lines of daylight and the village’s lanterns blinked awake one by one. Around you, all you could hear was the low hymn of travelers gathering in the courtyard. Pairs stood everywhere — solo visitors matched with steady-faced locals, some already speaking as though they’d known each other for years, others exchanging gestures of formalities and politeness. There were visitors who came in duo (mostly couples, you assumed); a guide had been assigned to them as well, making theirs a group of three.

The festival, at least from what you’d read, was steeped in a lover’s myth, meant to honor a story of devotion that shaped the land itself. Watching strangers pair off under lantern light felt strangely intimate for an event that hadn’t yet begun.

You came alone, which meant you would be assigned a guide as per the tradition. You tried to imagine how yours would look.

The man overseeing the assignments, a local elder wrapped in a deep blue robe and with cheeks reddened by years of mountain wind, scanned his clipboard with a faint frown of concentration before glancing up at you. “Your guide should be here any moment,” he said, voice warm but brisk. “Seven nights together, no substitutions. He’ll walk you through the customs and boundaries—nothing you need to worry about.”

You nodded, though your stomach fluttered a little anyway. You had come for the once-a-decade festival, for the myth of interwoven spirits promising renewal, for the stories of fortune granted to those who completed all seven nights without faltering. You wanted your trip to mean something, and the timing had been too perfect to ignore. A rare festival during a vacation you had promised yourself would not be wasted.

Light crunches of footsteps on gravel caught your attention. You turned, expecting another visitor cutting through the courtyard, and instead you halted altogether.

A man was approaching, tall enough that he stood distinctly above the shifting crowd. Your eyes traced the broadness of his shoulders beneath a dark yukata robe, his hazel brown hair looking almost caramel-like with the last hints of daylight. Though his expression gave little away, there was certainly no unfriendliness to it; reserved in a way that pulled your eyes to him instead of pushing you away.

So this was your guide.

The elder straightened with a satisfied noise. “There he is.” He raised his hand, calling the man closer with a wave. “Soobin—your visitor has arrived.”

Soobin stopped at a respectful distance, bowing first to the elder and then to you. When he looked up, he gave a small nod of greeting. “Apologies for the delay,” he said, resting one hand over his chest, right above his heart. “I was helping escort another pair to their lodgings and the path down from the ridge was more crowded than expected.” His gaze shifted briefly to your luggage, then back to your face. "I’m Choi Soobin. I’ll be guiding you throughout the festival week.”

There was something disarming about how simply he said it. You almost forgot to reply. You opened your mouth, closed it, then managed to give your name without tripping over the syllables. 

Soobin repeated it under his breath, his gaze dipping momentarily to the ground as he tried it on his tongue before offering a small nod. "A beautiful name," he said, meeting your eyes once again with a smile. “I assume you’ve already glanced at the roadmap in the leaflet you were given? The festival schedule can feel overwhelming on paper, but I’ll walk you through every part of it."

“Yes,” you replied, adjusting your grip on your bag. Then you quickly corrected, “Yes—as in, yes, I’ve read the roadmap and no, I didn’t find it overwhelming!” You didn’t want him to have any misunderstanding. 

“Good,” Soobin said, exhaling softly as if relieved by your enthusiasm. He stepped slightly to the side, allowing a couple and their guide to pass behind him, lowering his voice in a way that drew you a little closer. “Many visitors treat the first night lightly, but it shapes the rest of the week. The lantern keepers say that the mountain watches how you begin.” He raised a brow, half-implying he wasn’t sure how much of that you believed.

The elder waved his clipboard dismissively. “Take your time, Soobin. She’s your responsibility now.” He turned away to greet another pair, already calling out instructions as he moved.

Both of you bowed as you watched him leave. Then you put your focus back on your guide. He seemed to be deep in thoughts for a brief moment.

"For now," he began, stepping half a pace to the side so you could follow the direction of his gesture toward a row of cobbled steps, "you must be tired from the journey. If you prefer, I can take you to your lodging first—let you unpack, have tea, settle in. Or…" His eyes lifted to yours again, and a gentle pull touched the corners of his mouth. "If you have a little energy to spare, the village becomes a different world once the sun slips behind the ridge. We can take a short walk. Nothing too long."

You hesitated for form’s sake, though your decision had already been sealed the moment he asked. "If it isn’t inconvenient," you said, brushing a stray hair away from your cheek when the breeze toyed with it, "I’d like to look around. A little walk sounds nicer than sitting alone in a room."

Soobin’s smile deepened by a fraction, not showy in the slightest but enough to let you see a glimpse of his dimples. "If it were inconvenient, I wouldn’t have offered," he replied. “Guiding you begins tonight. Leaving you to fend for yourself until morning would make me a poor guide. I intend to look after you properly.”

A faint spark rushed up your throat before you forced your expression to remain neutral. He tilted his head slightly, eyes catching on your wrist. The small ceremonial lantern tied there — paper-thin but beautifully painted — had slipped halfway down your hand, the knot having loosened during your earlier shuffle through the courtyard.

“May I?” he asked, pointing at it.

You blinked in surprise, glancing down, then murmured a soft, startled "oh" before nodding and extending your hand toward him. Soobin stepped closer, the distance between you shrinking until you could see the tiny flecks of darker brown in his irises. He reached for your wrist with careful fingers, thumb brushing the inside of it as he turned your hand, the lantern swaying gently with the movement.

The touch was brief, barely anything at all and yet your body reacted like he had run a line of heat straight through you. Goosebumps rose instantly. You forced yourself to breathe evenly, cursing your own nerves.

He stepped back once the knot was secured. "There. Now you won’t lose it before we even begin the first night. They only give one per visitor, so I’d rather not be responsible for you having to explain what happened to yours." There was a faint lift in his voice that told you he was attempting a friendly conversation. It made you smile.

"Thank you," you earnestly said, bowing a little.

You had expected the festival to move slowly the way mountain traditions tend to.

Most mornings began at the shrine steps, where visitors made their way toward the willow branches swaying above the offering rail. The paper slips rustled in the breeze — pale blues for gratitude, faded reds for courage, soft greens for mended bonds. He had explained each color the first night while walking ahead of you, glancing back every so often to make sure you were keeping up. You asked questions and he responded only with what was needed, but always in a way that felt attentive. When you struggled with a knot, he showed you how to loop the ribbon properly, his hands brushing yours only in demonstration.

Evenings were for the lantern path. Groups gathered at the trailhead, where volunteers handed out small spirit-lanterns in wooden frames, the paper sides painted in strokes of crimson, lilac, and gold. Once lit, the lanterns cast a soft bloom through the forest, and it looked as if a river of flickering gold weaving through the heart of the forest trail.

You walked beside him, your arm sometimes brushing against his as the ground narrowed. He never tried to fill the silence. He walked with the lantern held low, occasionally lifting it to check the trail. And because he didn’t push conversation, you found yourself noticing more about him. Soobin seemed to have a habit of tilting his head, something that you noticed whenever you commented on carvings embedded in the trees. What stood out to you was the almost imperceptible warmth in his eyes when you caught him glancing at you.

On the second night, during the river procession, you learned he wasn’t actually from the village.

“You’re not a local?” you repeated, glancing up at him.

The banks glowed with floating lanterns drifting across mirrored water, their reflections trembling with the slightest ripple. You had knelt to release one; it wobbled, tilting, and before it could capsize entirely, Soobin caught the frame, guiding it gently forward.

“No. My cousin used to guide visitors. I came with him ten years ago. Watching the festival from the outside felt…” he paused as he steadied your hand when you held another lantern, its flame flickering against the ripples. “Less satisfying than being part of it. So I promised myself I’d volunteer in the next one.”

His explanation slipped into you with a sensation you weren’t prepared for, pooling low and warm in your chest. Relief? Maybe. Anticipation, definitely. You wouldn’t have to leave him behind in this tucked away place when your trip ended. You didn’t want that thought to matter, but it made itself home into your heart regardless.

“So,” you said, nudging him lightly with your shoulder as you stepped back from the riverbank, “if you’re not a local, what guarantee do I have that you won’t lead us straight into a ravine on one of these trails?” You caught the corner of his sleeve between your fingers just to keep the moment light, letting it slip free again as you walked.

He glanced at you sideways. The warm light caught the faint curl at his lips. “If I didn’t know these paths,” he said, brushing a stray reed from his cuff, “the elders wouldn’t have entrusted you to me.” He tilted his head slightly. “And I wouldn’t have accepted if I thought I’d disappoint you.”

Your breath stuttered. “I didn’t mean to suggest you would. I was just—” You lifted both hands in a small gesture, searching for the right explanation. “Teasing. Badly.”

“You don’t owe me an apology.” You sensed the warmth rising from his skin despite the cool night air when he stepped closer. It felt as if his voice had fallen an octave lower when he spoke — with a depth that ran under your skin. “But I want you to feel secure walking with me. If I say I’ll keep you safe on these roads, I mean it.”

He said it with such calmness and certainty that he’d already decided he wouldn’t let anything touch you. It sounded like a promise from him to you, not reassurance.

You nodded, heat curling low in your spine. “Okay,” you murmured.

You had spent three days tracing the serpentine trails of the mountains with Soobin at your side, and by now the essence of his presence had become something like a harmony that you found yourself quietly attuned to. He never crowded, never imposed himself, yet each subtle step and adjustment beside you laced itself into your awareness, embedding itself as an almost imperceptible thrill that you hadn’t anticipated but now recognized in the uneven pattern of your heartbeat. 

Sometimes you drifted ahead without realizing it, distracted by the beauty of the misted valley or the pull of a distant peak; yet without fail, the moment his footsteps returned to your side, that subtle rejoining would send a rush of heat through you. You couldn’t help but wonder how it was possible that something so small could make your stomach flutter with a mixture of embarrassment and longing that you tried, and failed, to ignore.

Some men fill space; he simply shared it, and the knowledge made a part of you ache with a heavy yearning.

On a particularly crisp morning, when the wind tugged playfully at your hair and the scent of the surrounding cedars was mingled with the faint perfume of smoke from distant hearths, he reached out wordlessly and draped his scarf around your neck. The wool still held the warmth of his skin, the faint mix of sandalwood with something that was distinctly him, and it was intoxicating. You inhaled too deeply, instantly aware of how close he had come without words.

Out of politeness, you tried handing it back, mumbling that you would be fine, but he stepped past you, answering your gesture with nothing more than a brief look over his shoulder that made refusal feel pointless. And when the ascent became taxing, you noticed the subtle slackening of his stride to let you set the pace, a quiet consideration that had your pulse spiking more than any overt gesture could have managed. 

It didn’t end there. 

When you paused at a vendor stall shaded by cedar branches, drawn to the coils of red-bean pastries steaming on a wooden tray, Soobin purchased one right away and nudged it into your palm. He brushed off your startled look with a low, “before you walk past it again and regret it all afternoon.”

If this was part of the festival customs, no one had mentioned it. If it wasn’t, the gesture tangled heat in places you’d been trying to ignore.

But the noticing — the treacherous noticing — didn’t stop at kindness.

Later, at a shrine halfway up the mountain, he reached above you to tie a cedar charm to an already crowded branch. The simple festival robe worn by the guides was meant to flatten shape and silhouette, yet somehow it failed entirely on him. The fabric pulled across his shoulders when he raised his arm, revealing the hint of lean muscle beneath. The sash wrapped around his waist seemed to exaggerate rather than obscure the taper of his torso and the sleeves, pushed up whenever the climb demanded it, revealed forearms traced by veins that disappeared under dark cloth in a way that set your imagination loose with alarming speed.

His hands moved in a delicate manner as he tied the charm, the long fingers brushing against yours in a casual demonstration that always left a spark of heat crawling up your arm.

"Here," he said, tilting his head toward you, the motion unremarkable yet intimate. "Just hold it like this. Make sure the knot is snug, but not too tight. We don’t want the branch to snap."

You mimicked his movements, aware of the proximity, of the contrast between your soft hands and his larger ones, and couldn’t resist a teasing quip. "You make it look so easy. Is this a personal talent?"

"You can say that," he mused, lifting the branch to check the alignment. "Years of watching, and a touch of stubbornness to get it just right." He straightened, glancing at your hands to see the knot you had tied, and smiled. "There, see? You’re learning faster than I expected. I should have you helping other visitors too."

You laughed softly, cheeks warming. The subtle grace in the way he moved and the patient attentiveness in his words sent a thrill through you that you found difficult to control, making it clear that what had begun as simple observation had quietly escalated into a tangible, dizzying awareness of him that lingered long after the brief physical contact ended.

One evening, you stopped to rest on the side of the lantern path after the long climb, choosing a place on a low stone wall still holding the last traces of the day’s warmth. Soobin settled across from you on a broad boulder.

He sat with a relaxed sprawl; knees parted with forearms resting loosely atop them. His stance was wide enough that the stray thought drifted through your mind — imagining yourself kneeling between them, his breath above you, his hand guiding your chin upward. More startling than the thought itself was how naturally it came, how much you wanted to be there, looking up at him the way one might look at a man who had earned not only attention but a kind of devotion.

You cleared your throat, the sound too slight to mask the heat in your voice. “I want to know the real story behind this festival.”

"You want to hear it now?" he asked, tilting his head slightly, the loose knot of his hair shifting with the motion.

"Unless you’re too tired," you replied, tracing a slow circle along the lantern’s rim, pretending the action was idle yet fully aware of the suggestive cadence soaking into your words. "I don’t want to keep you out here longer than you’d like." The innocence you tried to layer into your tone faltered halfway through.

He exhaled through his nose, the sound appreciative as though he’d heard everything you didn’t say. His hand dragged briefly along his knee before he leaned back, shoulders relaxing, the faintest smile forming at the corner of his lips. "No. I’ll tell you."

He turned toward the lantern path first, as though orienting himself inside the tale, before his attention shifted fully back to you. The moment his gaze settled, you felt it like a hand between your shoulder blades guiding you to sit a little straighter.

“The story begins with two lovers, Hana and Rangi,” he began. "She was the daughter of a healer who lived near the valley. He was a traveling calligrapher who only passed through once a year, staying just long enough to finish his commissions before moving on." He drew a small curve on his knee with his thumb, as though tracing the route the calligrapher might have walked. "They weren’t meant to cross paths at all, but fate… made it difficult for them to stay apart.”

“Of course it did,” you remarked, leaning onto your palms behind you. “Stories like this never start with easy love.”

He let out a breath of a laugh and dipped his gaze to the ground momentarily, brushing a pebble aside with the edge of his sandal. When he looked up again, lantern light pooled in his eyes.

“They met at these very mountains,” he continued, lifting one hand to indicate the ascending trail. The veins along his wrist caught the light when he did. “Back then, the path was rough and unmarked. They used to carry small bowls of oil with wicks, holding them out in front of them while they walked, searching for each other in the dark. Every year, she followed that faint glow up the mountain, and every year he waited where the trail narrowed before the last climb. No matter the weather, no matter how late he arrived in the valley, they found each other.”

Something about the image of two people who loved each other so dearly, climbing a mountain just to meet in the dark for a moment of fulfilling their longing, felt so achingly tender that your heart fluttered at it. Probably that was why your voice softened when you asked, “What happened after that?”

His attention zeroed onto you with a focus that tightened your pulse. “They promised to return to one another every year. And one season,” he said, the words slowing as he watched your reaction, “when they realized the valley elders would never allow them to marry… they met one last time beneath the old shrine tree.” He wet his lips briefly before finishing, “That’s where they consummated their vow.”

The statement hung between you, suspended in the mild night air. Heat spread freely through your stomach, until it reached lower. You let the silence breathe, let it drag through you, before you answered with a slow nod.

“That sounds romantic.”

Your gaze dipped to his mouth for a heartbeat, then rose again without apology.

Soobin’s fingers flexed once against his knee.

“It’s part of the legend,” he said, tilting his head again, eyes tracking the line of your face. His expression wore innocence; his voice did not.

A small insect landed on the back of Soobin’s hand. You reached out and brushed it away with a flick, letting your touch linger; accidental on the surface, intentional underneath. “I'm guessing their consecration—their vow—meant that even death couldn't separate them. That sort of makes sense with the whole theme of the festival.” You sat back, letting the previous space between you reform but your eyes didn't entirely leave him.

Soobin’s gaze drifted first to the faint point of contact where your fingers had grazed him, tracing the path from there to your hand, and then, with the gentlest hesitation, they drifted up to meet yours. “Yeah,” he agreed quietly. “It is said that their spirits would always find each other. Even if everything else conspires against them.”

Your pulse was beating too quickly. “Do you actually believe that? Spirits finding each other, I mean?”

His eyes didn't leave you. “I believe some connections don’t stop just because they’re inconvenient.”

You hummed, letting a small, thoughtful smile appear. “I like the way you put that.” You nudged a pebble with your heel, letting it roll down the path as if your body needed a task to ground the sudden rush in your chest.

He blinked, a hint of surprise catching in his features before he cleared his throat, looking down at his hands for a brief moment. “I have been told. Thank you,” he admitted, almost too quickly, then composed himself. “On the final night pairs light lanterns to guide the lovers’ spirits back to each other. As the whole festival centers on a myth about devotion, you can see that it naturally draws couples more than solo visitors.” 

You nodded, thinking back to the first day when you noticed the majority of the pairs being couples. 

“Thse who come alone, like you, are given guides…” he avoided your eyes when he spoke the next part, “to ensure the ritual can conclude without disruption.”

“And the sharing‑a‑room tradition?” you pressed, the question laced with curiosity and a hint of provocation. After all, you were going to share a room with him — this man, whom you were already infatuated with — so there was no harm in asking, right? “Couples probably don’t think twice about it. But what about solo visitors and their guides? Do they get swept into the tradition too?”

His gaze visibly traced your lips before he dragged it back up, and you saw the subtle flex of his jaw as if the motion cost him. “That part,” he murmured, tilting his head just enough to acknowledge the tension threading between you, “is simply what the name suggests. Guides stay at their guest’s side for the night, yes—but only in the way the guest is comfortable with. No rule requires anything more.”

Neither of you made any effort to disrupt the silence that had fallen. In that narrowing space you felt his attention gather around you with a heat that was threatening to swallow you whole. Wanting control of the moment before it drowned you, you let a faint smile appear that bordered on daring. 

"Ahh, so the legend only works when both people admit they’re equally taken with each other."

His stare altered in a way that felt like a temperature change; still composed on the surface but carrying something unmistakably dangerous beneath. You felt a rush climb through you like how fire licks up oxygen through a room. 

"Is that your way of telling me something?" His voice dipped slightly on the last word, probing with a boldness that made you sit a bit straighter.

You drew one shoulder up in an unbothered shrug, though internally your thoughts were spinning faster. "You’re the guide," you answered, tone deceptively mild as you leaned back on your palms. "Aren’t you the one trained to interpret signs? I thought that was part of the service."

For a heartbeat, nothing happened. Then he rose to his full height in a measured motion that made your stomach drop in a way that was neither fear nor anticipation but some volatile blend of both, compelling you to remain seated as you were. He let the space between you close with just a few steps — closer than he had ever allowed himself to be, and that made every nerve in your body feel newly aware of its own shape.

His gaze roamed your face, down the angle of your throat, back up again, and for a sliver of suspended time his hand lifted as though he meant to touch your arm. You felt your pulse leap toward that imagined contact, braced for the warmth of his palm against your skin.

But he didn’t reach for your arm.

Instead, his fingers drifted above your shoulder and found the crown of your head, not with the intention of ruffling nor the intimate stroke through your hair that your mind shamefully supplied. He just rested his hand there at first, letting the warmth of it spread across your scalp. Until he curled those fingers inward, clutching a small portion of your hair and subtly tugged back.

It was so unpredictable that the sensation sent a shock through your body so swift you couldn’t swallow the breathy gasp that escaped you. Your head tipped back by a fraction, offering instinctively without thought.

His gaze was heavy on your mouth, studying the parted shape of it as though cataloguing the sound you had just given him.

“I interpret what’s clear,” he said, and his thumb twitched as if he almost tightened his hold before stopping himself. "And right now… you’re anything but clear to me."

Just when your lungs struggled to remember how to function under the suffocating nearness, he released you. His hand fell away as quickly as he turned from you without another word, leaving you seated on the stone with lantern light flickering across your flushed skin and your heartbeat hammering so fiercely against your ribs it felt as though it might bruise its way outward.

Morning arrived slipping through the shutters in pale ribbons of light that stretched across the floorboards and nudged you awake with a softness far too gentle for the knot lodged low in your chest. For a few disoriented breaths you lay still, your mind resting in the suspended space between sleep and memory, where last night’s heat still clung to you as vividly as the scent of incense on your fingertips. You had imagined that the memory would feel distant or dreamlike by morning — to fade into one of those hazy, ill-defined recollections one can almost convince themselves they imagined. Yet it remained lucid, with a pulse of a raging animal that felt too alive.

Which was why, when you stepped outside and found him standing at a respectful distance with his hands tucked neatly behind his back and posture as composed as the very first day, the drop in your stomach was so sudden and humiliating you nearly missed the way he bowed his head.

“Good morning,” he said, voice wrapped with professional neutrality, tone identical to the script the guides used for every visitor. “I hope you rested well. We have a few locations to visit today before the courtyard opens for the rice wine blessing.”

Just like that — no trace of last night. The Soobin who had all but pulled breath from your lungs on the mountain had been replaced by a version of him built entirely out of distance and dutiful restraint.

You managed a polite nod, mirroring his composure even though the inside of your chest felt scraped raw. “Of course,” you said, matching his tone because anything else felt too revealing. “I’m ready when you are. Lead on.”

He glanced at you briefly — too briefly, and then began walking. Perhaps you had misread the moment, that last night’s intensity had been a fragile by-product of festival myth and mountain atmosphere, not a mutual pull but a passing illusion he had already tucked away and moved on from. You felt guilty, guilty for wanting more from someone who was merely doing his job, guilty and ashamed for letting last night convince you, even for a breath, that he too had felt the burn you had been feeling for him. 

You followed, keeping a few steps behind, pretending you didn’t care that the space between you felt colder than the morning air.

The courtyard was already filled with small clusters of visitors by the time you arrived. The wind had been restless since morning, tearing through the area with sharp, wandering currents that snapped at the edges of banners and sent prayer tags fluttering on their strings like frightened birds. You stood beside Soobin, though the gap he maintained between you felt like an entire ocean.

He explained the ritual to you in the same distant, guide-approved cadence as always, eyes fixed on the shrine ahead rather than on you. You answered with equal restraint even though the pit in your stomach deepened with every clipped exchange.

"The officiant will begin with the incense reading," he said, pointing where the table of incense was, "and when the first column of smoke rises, the attendants will begin distributing the wine. It's considered good fortune to accept it with both hands. Most people stay to watch the blessing itself, but you're free to step aside if the crowd grows too dense for your comfort." He paused only long enough to check if you had questions, "Some travelers prefer to wait near the side gate. The view from there isn't ideal, but it provides a quicker exit if you need one."

"I don't mind the crowd," you said, pushing a strand of hair away from your cheek as another restless gust swept the courtyard. "And I'd rather stay where I can actually see what’s happening. If people are willing to travel all this way for the blessing, then I should at least try to appreciate it properly." You forced a breath through your nose, adding, "Besides, do I look that fragile to you? I promise I can handle a crowd."

He didn’t take the bait. "It isn’t about fragility. Crowds behave unpredictably when they’re excited—"

A sudden blast of wind barreled across the courtyard before he could finish, harsher than the last, rattling bamboo poles and sending a few baskets rolling across the stones. Several visitors ducked as a row of prayer tags whipped overhead, the paper snapping sharply in the gust. You caught movement in your periphery — a cart wobbling as its wheels scraped against the uneven ground. You opened your mouth to call attention to it, but the wooden frame skidded across the tiles faster than your warning could form.

It slammed into a lantern pole with a crack that split the air cleanly enough to freeze every voice in the square. The pole rocked once, creaked under the strain of its cracked base, and tipped forward. You never even drew breath; your thoughts didn’t have time to process the alarming danger.

One moment, the pole was falling over and in the next jarring instant, Soobin was grabbing you by the waist, pulling you into him with a force that stole the ground from under your feet. The world jolted into blur as he twisted his body, placing himself between you and the falling pole, his arm tightening around your back as the lantern box smashed onto the stones a hair's breadth from your previous position, splintering into a scatter of flickering shards.

Shouts exploded around you — guides calling for calm, visitors stumbling backward in scattered panic, shrine keepers rushing toward the fallen pole but none of it penetrated the small, enclosed space where you remained buried in him.

All you could register was the press of him against you. A world made up of his arms braced around your body and the rapid thud of his heartbeat beneath your cheek. It wasn’t just fast; it pounded with an urgency that betrayed every ounce of discipline he tried to cloak himself in. The uneven waves of his breathing and his scent flooded your senses until your pulse tangled with his so thoroughly you could no longer tell which tremor belonged to whom.

Even when the chaos had faded into unsettled murmurs and the crowd stepped back in cautious half-circles, even when the danger was over, he didn’t release you. His hands slid down your arms before catching your hand in his. He turned your palm upward, scanning for splinters with a focus so consuming it made your heart squeeze painfully.

“Are you hurt?” His panicked gaze roamed over your face, then to every exposed skin as he steadied your wrists with a care that contradicted every cold moment he had given you since sunrise. “That— that could have been worse. I should’ve seen it sooner. I should’ve moved before it even fell.” His grip tightened unconsciously. "If I had reacted even a few seconds earlier, you wouldn’t have had to—" He cut himself off, breath unsteady, the words dissolving into frustration.

His worry should’ve ended your doubts. It should have soothed the guilt that you had misread him, that you were the foolish one for expecting warmth beyond the boundaries of his role. Yet the ache of his distance earlier, the dismissal of last night, the coldness that replaced the warmth — it all flooded up at once.

The resentment you’d swallowed all morning cracked open. “Does it matter?” the words left you slipped out thinly but were flat enough to make him freeze. “You don’t even know me.”

His grip didn’t loosen, but it went still enough to show you’d caught him off guard. You refused to back down from the eye contact as his initial shock dissolved from his eyes. His eyelids lowered a fraction in recalibration.

“You’re in my care,” he said, voice deepening just enough to stir your pulse. "That means I look after you, no matter how well I know you, no matter what you think I feel or don’t feel. That’s enough.”

The last sentence sent a shiver down your spine. It wasn’t just the authoritative grip intercalated between every word, but also the conspicuous trace of something so damn heady that it left you knees unsteady.

It seemed wiser to move through the rest of the day keeping yourself unobtrusive as there were only a few hours left for the seventh day’s midnight. Things were already an awkward and confusing mess between the two of you. You wanted no further complications with what was going to be the inevitable part of the tradition later tonight.

When evening arrived, two local girls slipped into your room carrying lacquered boxes in their arms, bowing as they announced that all women participating in the seventh-night rite were to be dressed according to tradition. They were bright with excitement, exchanging knowing glances as they set their things down.

They moved around you with brisk, nimble hands, combing your hair as they gathered it into an elegant shape before weaving through feathers dyed in gradual shades of sky and dusk, fastening polished river stone pins that caught the lamplight with gentle glimmers. Fabric in pale cerulean and softened white was used to drape around you that flowed like river water when you shifted. By the time they led you in front of the mirror, you barely recognized the reflection staring back. You looked luminous, softened, dressed in a beauty you rarely claimed for yourself.

The girls exchanged thrilled whispers as they ushered you toward the door, and their hushed giggles swelled in pitch when they caught sight of Soobin waiting in the hallway.

He bowed deeply to them, holding the angle of his posture until their footsteps faded down the corridor. Only then did he straighten at the sound of your padded footstep against the floorboard, and went utterly still when he saw you. So still it seemed even the wind outside paused with him.

His gaze moved over you in a slow sweep, tracing from the ornaments threaded through your hair to the embroidered sash cinching your waist, then lower to where the layered fabric cascaded around your legs. Heat rose up your neck beneath the sheer intensity of his attention, and you found yourself unable to meet his eyes.

“I… don’t know how I feel about this,” you said with an awkward laugh, lifting a hand toward your hair. “I’m not really the type to glamour up like this. It feels strange.”

He stared wordlessly for a while, as though the meaning behind your self‑conscious words had to fight its way through whatever spell seeing you had cast over him. Then he shook his head once, almost sharply.

“You don’t see what I see,” he said, the sentence forming with more conviction the longer he spoke, and he stepped closer without seeming to realize he’d done so. “You look—” his voice caught briefly in a way you had never once heard from him, “—you look breathtaking tonight.”

You felt warmth rush to your cheeks, too sudden to hide. To bury the bashfulness, you settled on his attire instead of his face. Only then did you notice what he was wearing and the sight nearly punched the air from your lungs. He wore a dark blue robe, the fabric embroidered subtly with silver at the edges, matching your own colors more closely than coincidence should allow. The garment fit him beautifully, accentuating the lines of his shoulders and the length of his frame. It made him look radiant at night. 

He extended his hand — formal, yes, but his eyes held more warmth than before.

“Tonight marks the final night I’ll be guiding you,” he said, smiling lightly. “I hope your time here has brought you what you sought.”

You, Choi Soobin. You, and nothing else.

You didn't say it out loud. Instead, you let a tired laugh slip out as you placed your hand in his. It was better this way, wasn't it? But his fingers closed around yours with a gentle squeeze, grounding you with a warmth that contradicted every boundary he had drawn between you since sunrise. 

The once-in-a-decade lantern festival unfolded with such sprawling splendour that your senses strained to keep pace with it for each breath revealed an entirely new landscape reshaped by light. Lanterns ascended in slow, drifting tides like fragments of constellations released from the earth-bound world, caught in the draft that painted the valley in sweeping currents of molten gold. Bells chimed from distant terraces, their tones weaving through the rising wind, which carried soft streaks of illumination across the rooftops.

In the main courtyard, dancers moved in wide, sweeping arcs, their garments flaring with every turn; their feet skimmed the stone with an entrancing grace that held the attention of everyone who passed.

Soobin guided you through the crowd. He let you explore while he remained just a few steps behind. Each time you lifted your gaze toward the sky, marveling at the way the lanterns drifted higher and dimmed into distant sparks, you sensed his gaze on you. It brushed along your awareness more than any light, that he watched you more than he wafched the sky.

A child tugged your sleeve, asking if you wished to colour a lantern with her, and you knelt briefly to admire her drawing — a constellation of crooked stars, each one rendered with an enthusiasm that had you cooing with fondness. Soobin waited patiently, hands folded behind his back, watching the exchange with a faint tension around his shoulders as he resisted the urge to crouch beside you.

As midnight crept nearer, when the lanterns thinned into drifting embers across the valley, when the crowd’s energy softened as people gravitated toward the open square where the final tradition would soon begin — you knew he felt it too. Soobin walked beside you, not behind you anymore and matched your pace even when you slowed to watch a passing procession; he paused when you did, despite the festival officials signaling for participants to gather. 

The approach of the last tradition. The rite both of you had avoided mentioning ever since your hands parted on the mountain. 

The rite of shared rest.

The growing nervousness capsized your senses as you were led up the ascending path that wound behind the visitor lodges. You walked behind an elderly local who reminded you that your belongings would remain safe in your original room and gently inquired whether you carried only what you required for the night. You answered as politely as your tightening throat allowed, careful to keep your gaze trained on the stone pathway rather than risk even the smallest glance over your shoulder — mortifyingly aware of Soobin’s presence following just a few paces behind.

As the path levelled out, you looked around and saw that the houses were built in the same wooden style as the visitor cottages below, though spaced farther apart. Several pairs stood outside their designated houses, speaking softly as they prepared to enter for the shared-rest tradition.

The elderly guide came to a stop before one such house and turned to the two of you with a mild smile before placing the small lacquered key into Soobin’s palm. Soobin received it with a bow that dipped deeply at the waist, his hair falling forward before he straightened. The guide wished you both a prosperous final night of the festival and departed down the path, lantern swaying until it disappeared between the branches.

Neither of you spoke as Soobin stepped ahead and slid the key into the lock. The door opened with a muted scrape, and he stepped aside, one hand lifting slightly to gesture that you should go in first. You crossed the threshold and the interior greeted you in soft lamplight. 

It was moderately big yet almost bare in its simplicity; polished wooden floors, a small cabinet against the wall, a side alcove partitioned by a sliding panel that revealed the small bathing area, and at the center of the room the futon. A wide one, laid meticulously with thick blankets folded at the foot and two pillows placed side by side. The jitters in your stomach returned, and goosebumps rose when Soobin spoke from behind you.

“You can go wash up first.”

He sounded… a little weary. You avoided looking at him as you hummed, making your way quickly toward the bathroom and locking the door behind you. Your back pressed against the panels as you closed your eyes and let out a long exhale. You had no idea what was going to follow from here on out.  

The bathwater steamed gently as you stepped into it, and the warmth seeped into your skin in gradual waves, easing the ache in your muscles though it did nothing to quiet the chaos thrashing in your head. You replayed every glance, every wayward brush of proximity, every moment from the lantern courtyard to the instant he’d told you that you were in his care. You tried to push the thoughts away, to remind yourself that tonight didn’t mean what your racing mind wanted it to mean.

When you were done, you noticed the clothing prepared for you lay neatly folded on the counter. You reached for the fabric and felt heat flare along your cheeks instantly. It was just a… sleeping yukata style robe. 

You stared at it blankly for a long moment. There was no retreat from this night, not without dishonoring tradition and certainly not from the proximity waiting for you outside that door. It wasn’t as though anything was destined to happen between you and him; the festival tradition had rules, boundaries, limits. In fact, all you felt other than the feeling hyper aware of his presence was the overwhelming tide of guilt of letting your heart sprint ahead. 

You had to apologize before the night ended. You had to fix what you had broken. Before morning came and you left this place, you needed to make things right with him.

When you stepped back into the room, you frowned seeing Soobin sitting on the edge of the futon in a posture so rigid it looked almost punishing — back straightened and steel faced — and you wondered if he had breathed at all since you left. He didn't even seem aware of your appearance. 

“Soobin?” you internally winced at how tentative your voice sounded.

The sound of your voice snapped him out of his reverie and he visibly flinched looking at you. The abruptness of it made your chest cinch, and for a brief second you wished you could pull the syllables back into your mouth.

You shifted your weight from one foot to the other. “I, um… tried to make sure everything’s set for you,” you said, rubbing your palms together once as if searching for warmth. You stepped a little farther inside, gesturing vaguely toward the bath behind you. “The water’s still warm, and I cleaned up what I used. You should be comfortable. I didn’t… take too long, I hope.”

“No,” he replied quickly as he rose to his feet so quickly you took a half-step back out of instinct. He smoothed a hand down the front of his robe, an attempt at collectedness that didn’t match his demeanor. “No, you didn’t. That—that’s fine. Thank you. I appreciate it.”

You stepped aside to give him space, expecting him to continue forward without pause. Yet the moment he passed you, he slowed — then stopped — just two steps behind you. A faint rustle of fabric marked the rise of his chest as he drew in a deep, almost startled inhale. You had already taken a few small steps forward but halted when you noticed his shadow stretched beside yours on the floor, unmoving.

Frowning, you turned back to see him standing still with his back facing you. “Is everything alright?” You weren’t truly expecting a response — you spoke only because the silence felt strange in a moment that should’ve been routine.

Soobin, once again, drew in a slow inhale and that was when the clogs in your mind finally started to work. There was no way, but still seemed as the only plausible reason, that the scent of your soap had possibly caught him off guard. His shoulders rose and fell once, and then he turned his head slightly, looking back at you. 

You faltered, unsure whether to retreat or keep facing him. You felt more exposed than if you had walked out wearing nothing at all. 

He didn’t lock eyes with you but rather let his gaze travel across you with an intent so palpable it felt almost physical in the narrow hush of the corridor. It traced the droplets clinging to the ends of your damp hair, then moved to the subtle bath‑warm color still resting on your cheeks, before drifting lower to the rise and fall of your breath beneath the robe’s folds. When he finally met your gaze, the dimness of the hallway pulled a shadow across his eyes, rendering them deeper and more difficult to decipher. 

Your fingers tightened around your sleeves instinctively, nails pressing lightly into your own skin. Why isn’t he moving? The question pulsed in your mind before you could stop it. Did I miss a cue? Or… is he looking at me like—no. No, that’s not—he can’t be making me believe anything. That’s ridiculous. I’m doing it again. He isn’t… he can’t be giving me hope. 

But he didn’t look away. He kept watching you, and the longer he held you in place with nothing but his eyes, the more your breath struggled and your self-control fought to remain steady. 

Then why is he looking at me like that? Why does it feel like he’s giving me permission to hope?

You had the absurd, fleeting impression that he might reach for you — perhaps call you back to him, or maybe confess whatever lived beneath that tightly guarded composure. Instead, in a jarring departure, Soobin tore his gaze from yours and stepped past you at last, disappearing into the bathroom without a single word or backward glance.

You were already ;ying on your side, the lamp on your end of the room turned off long before Soobin emerged from the bath. You wanted to create an illusion that you were fast asleep for the way you laid rigidly, not even daring to breathe loudly. It was a war in your head, of wanting to quietly yet completely disappear but also to gather the courage to speak with him.

Behind you came the faint shuffle of his movements and by that you could tell he was trying not to disturb you before he dimmed the light. A moment later, he slipped beneath the blanket. The cold stretch of the futon behind you slowly disappeared, replaced by the gradual spread of his warmth.

You fought the foolish urge to inch backward, to let your bare feet nudge his beneath the blankets and steal even a sliver of his warmth. Soobin’s scent, fresh from the bath, invaded your senses and for one suspended heartbeat you wondered whether this is what he had felt earlier in the hallway what you felt now — a hunger overwhelming your rational thoughts. 

But no, this wasn’t your plan — you reminded yourself — pressing your nails into the pillowcase. You were supposed to let the night pass without complication, to spare yourself the humiliation that might follow you at dawn. Didn’t you promise yourself you’ll set things right tonight?

Still facing the wall, you drew a shallow breath, the guilt gnawing at you until it pushed its way out in a whisper you almost swallowed back. "Soobin… I’m sorry."

It was so faint you weren’t even sure the sound escaped properly. But Soobin’s body tensed behind you. The rustling stopped and you felt, without needing to see, that he had turned his head against the pillow toward you. You swallowed, eyes still shut, and forced the words out before cowardice could clamp your throat shut.

“I should’ve respected the boundaries I was given,” you went on, your voice wavering despite the control you tried to force on it. “You were only doing what was expected of you—being my guide, making sure I didn’t get lost or do anything reckless. And I…” when your voice croaked at the end, you had to sigh and pause to gather yourself. “I misinterpreted. I shouldn’t have let myself assume anything.”

You hated every syllable the moment it left your mouth. It took everything in you not to clamp your hand over your own lips, not to swallow the apology whole before it reached him. You wanted to stop. You wanted to turn around, grab his face in both hands, press your forehead to his and tell him that you liked him — that you had liked him from the first moment he looked at you with those gentle eyes, that every hour spent beside him had carved itself painfully into your memory. You wanted to pour your heart out into the space between you and ask him to hold even a fraction of it. But you couldn't do any of that.

“Besides, in the morning, this will all be over. You can forget about me, go back to your life, pretend none of… whatever this is… ever happened.” You let out a dry laugh. It barely sounded like you. 

Even if Soobin didn’t feel the same way, at least you could’ve left without this knot strangling your heart. At least you would have known you didn’t hide from your own truth. But you were leaving in the morning — with or without his feelings — and you already knew the regret waiting for you tomorrow would swallow you for the rest of your life far more thoroughly than the guilt of misreading him ever could. You were doomed with these feelings for him either way. So you said what you had to say. You were protecting him from discomfort when, in reality, you were also trying to protect yourself from the ache of wanting him.

“And you don’t have to think about me anymore,” you whispered now, not being able to speak anymore. “And… I won't think about you either.”

You didn’t know what else could possibly follow after that — what sentence could carry itself out of your mouth without breaking apart halfway, what tone you were supposed to use when your entire chest felt like it was collapsing inward from its own pressure. You didn’t know if you could even look at his face or bear to hear his voice. You wished the ground would open up and swallow you whole at that moment. You didn’t even realize you were gripping the blanket so tightly until the strain of it left your hand aching. Why did you have to go and fall in love with a man so unreachable in such a far away place? 

You didn’t get to go any further with your thoughts. At first it felt like a dream, like you were still reeling in your own self-pity to be imagining things. Because just moments later you finished talking, you felt his arm sliding over your waist slowly and it was enough to steal every coherent thought from your mind. Your entire body locked, breath trapped in your throat as Soobin pulled you toward him in one long, careful draw. His chest pressed to your back with a heat that rippled through you in waves, and before you could even think to react, he buried his face into the curve of your neck, his hair brushing along your jaw.

Your heartbeat ricocheted so violently you wondered if he could feel it. Every muscle in your body locked, and still you were terrified of so much as shifting an inch in case he let go.

Soobin’s breathing stuttered, then steadied with visible effort. His arm around you stayed where it was, not loosening in the slightest — and if anything, you felt him draw you in even closer, the subtle pull of his hand at your waist sending another rush of heat spiraling through your stomach. It didn’t make any sense — he didn’t make any sense to you, after you had compelled yourself into saying those self-preserving words out loud… he couldn’t be doing this to you now.

You lost grasp on reality and forgot how long you two had been in that position. At last, you forced your voice past the constriction in your chest.

“Soobin…” You shivered. “Please, say something.”

Soobin remained silent with his forehead still nudged against the curve of your neck, exhaling a heavy breath. It warmed your skin yet made the hair at the back of your neck stand up. You swallowed against the sudden ache of anticipation, hand moving slowly, trembling slightly, until it rested atop his. A silent question and answer entwined, your fingers curling around his and meeting the responsive squeeze he offered almost instinctively.

"I need you to understand this." His words came out in halting bursts, punctuated by soft breaths. "Yes, I’m your guide for the festival. And yes, I respect the rituals the village keeps. But don’t…” His grip tightened minutely. “I don’t want you thinking any of this—the things I’ve done for you—is some performance I’m expected to put on." His breath grazed your neck again, but this time his voice was right beside your ear. "Every single gesture, every step I took toward you… it has been me, only me, wanting to be close to you, in ways I can’t explain unless you let me.”

“I… I—you don’t have to—” you barely managed, turning your head just enough that your cheek brushed his temple. The motion was small but carried every ounce of the panic building in you.

But he didn’t let you finish. His hand, which had been resting low around your waist moments ago, travelled upward before curving around the base of your jaw. He held you there, gently preventing you from turning or catching even the faintest glimpse of his expression. He didn’t apply the barest minimum of strength in his touch but the way it screamed dominance made you shiver and rendered you speechless. You complied because the moment itself allowed no other response.

“I have to,” he went on, the gravity of his tone making you blink. “Because I made this harder for both of us.”

You went still, stunned into silence by his admission. You had so many thoughts tumbling through your mind in disorganized bursts, so many things you wanted to say but you held yourself back. You wanted to hear what wanted to say, because the way he was still holding you proved he wasn't done yet.

“I wasn’t trying to confuse you.” His thumb brushed the hinge of your jaw in a slow arc, the motion absent but successfully soothed another tremor that rippled through you. “Every night, I kept worrying… worrying you’d think I was one of them. That you’d look at me and assume all I’ve done for you was just me following a script instead of my own heart. I badly wanted you to know that I was real. That my wanting you wasn’t staged.”

You couldn’t deny it. Of course you had questioned him; how could you not? There were moments when his gentleness had felt like the courtesy owed to tradition rather than the warmth extended toward you personally, moments when you weren’t sure if the attention he gave was part of the role he’d been entrusted with. 

“So you pulled back.” you whispered.

The room was barely illuminated by the corner dimly lit lamp that he left on, casting a pale circle of light that reached only as far as the rumpled sheets and the faint outline of his shoulders. Other than that, it was fairly dark. And in that darkness, the silence only tenfold. 

“I thought if I kept my distance, I could stop myself from slipping.” A humorless huff escaped him, muffled against the fabric of your clothes. “But all I did was make you doubt yourself.”

Thankfully, you were facing the wall so you didn’t have to worry about him seeing you when your eyes slipped shut at the feeling of his lips grazing the side of your neck. A soft breath of pleasure left you announcing the goosebumps that trailed your skin.

“I liked you from the moment I saw you,” he confessed, branding every word against your torrid skin. “Long before any of this could touch me. Long before I realized how impossible it would be to stay away.”

His hand slid from your jaw, fingers dragging lightly along your throat before falling onto the pillow beside your head with a muted thud. That allowed you a moment to gather yourself and relearn how to breathe normally. 

“And I keep trying to make sense of it, to slow myself down, to be patient. But every time I tried to step back, I only ended up wanting you more. Wanting you in ways I don’t have the discipline to hide from you anymore,” he went on, voice so low it shivered through you. “If you let me… I’ll learn to love you the way I’ve been wanting to. Without pretending I’m anything other than someone who has completely, helplessly fallen for you.”

Not once did he lift his head up as his confession wrapped around you like gentle phantom arms. If he hadn’t already been holding onto you, you were certain you would have felt his words embracing you anyway. It felt as though if he so much as whispered your name again, your body would answer before your mind could catch up.

The palpitation of your heart, which had been stumbling in its panic moments ago eased into a soothing cadence and no longer ached. So all the shadows you’d been worrying over, all the times you’d read his care as performance — you hadn’t been inventing things, had you?

You tried to turn your head again, only a fraction at first, then fully when he loosened his hold for you to move. Close, he was impossibly close and that closeness was its own illumination. The darkness hid the details of his expression, but for once that didn’t send you spiraling. Whatever you couldn’t see was already laid bare in every word he had given you, saturating the space between you like a lantern lit behind a curtain. It was the light you needed to guide you home. It was the light to guide you to Soobin.

“I wasn’t any better,” you whispered. You rolled onto your side until you were fully facing him, the space between you narrowing to barely a breath. You brushed your hand over the high line of his cheekbone before tracing down to his jaw, following the warmth of his skin until you reached the place where his pulse raced beneath your touch. He leaned into your palm instantly, a shiver running through him as his eyes slid shut for a moment. “I wasn’t trying to be evasive, Soobin. I just… didn’t know how to say any of it without ruining everything.”

You had imagined this in a dozen ways behind your mind, and none of them felt as honest as the version spilling out now; to finally be transparent with yourself and him. You could feel the moment tilt on your confession, and you refused to let it fall the wrong way. 

“I was terrified of misreading you,” you continued. “Terrified of wanting too much. Of wanting you.”

His eyes opened, and in the muted dark they seemed impossibly wide. You could feel the anxiousness and swirling in those dark pupils. You lifted the hand resting at his jaw and slipped it behind his neck, your fingers combing through the soft hair there.

"Some days you were so gentle it felt like you were already mine," you confessed, words catching and softening as the memory of the mountain night slid into place. "When you told me I wasn't clear to you, but you held me like you could read every thought I was too scared to say.” 

Your thumb brushed the spot beneath his ear, feeling the heat rise there. You traced his features in quiet awe. The slope of his nose seemed crafted way too carefully by god. His lips looked impossibly soft. 

“But this morning you wouldn’t even look at me.” you added quietly. “You went back to being untouchable, unreachable, like none of it had happened. I didn’t know what to make of it. I didn’t know if you regretted.It scared me. It made me think I’d imagined all of it.”

His hand slid from your waist to your back, drawing you closer with a hesitance that contradicted the boldness he had shown moments before. “I know,” he whispered. “I know I made it worse. And gods—if I could take back every moment I pretended you didn’t touch every part of my mind, I would. I kept trying to act like you didn’t matter because I didn’t trust myself around you. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you. I’ve never had to hold myself back from wanting someone too much.” His voice trembled. “And I didn’t know how to let you see that without making you run.”

Your heart broke a little at that — beautifully and gently.

“Soobin,” you breathed, brushing your nose against his in a gesture that wasn’t planned, just instinct. “I would’ve run toward you.” The admission left you with a soft smile.

A single, shaky laugh escaped him and it was more relief than amusement as he pressed his forehead fully to yours, his lashes brushing your skin with each uneven blink. The sound that left you matched his, two breaths spilling into one space, two people finally realizing they had been circling the same truth from opposite ends.

Then you breathed, letting your truth settle. “But I do want you. I, too, want you in ways I don’t even have the language for yet. And if you’ll have me—not as part of a festival, not as some visitor passing by—I’ll choose you. Every day.”

Your thumb grazed his lower lip, tracing over the tremor that ran through him at your confession. A long exhale shuddered from him, his chest pressing closer into yours as the warmth from his body mingled with yours in a closeness that made the world outside vanish. 

“You have me,” he whispered into your hair, inhaling the same scent that had scattered his thoughts only hours earlier. “You had me from the moment I saw you at the gates.”

You buried your face in the crook of his neck, hiding your smile against his skin. “We should’ve been a bit braver than this.” you laughed softly, lips brushing against the tender skin of his neck.

Soobin exhaled, eyes fluttering shut at the feeling of your lips. “Then let me make up for it,” he said. “I want to love you in ways that make every wrong step we took feel distant. I want us to forget we ever began in hesitation.”

You looked up at him, finding his gaze waiting for you; open and earnest and no longer guarded. “Then start tonight,” you whispered, brushing a knuckle down the line of his jaw. “Start tonight. Can you?”

The moment the question left you, you felt unnaturally shy under his gaze. For all the bold declarations you had made only minutes ago, this felt different. This was different. His eyes did not hold judgment but rather a depth of affection and longing that you felt your tamed heart broke into a wild sprint again. 

“I-I mean— it’s still the night of the seventh day,” you stammered, your voice cracking around the edges as you tried to backpedal. “So I thought… maybe we should— you know… properly honour Hana and Rangi, since it’s tradition, and we’ve been following tradition this whole time, and—” The words tangled themselves into a knot of mortification. “Oh no,” you groaned, pressing both hands to your burning face before hiding against his chest. “I sound ridiculous. Please let me disappear.”

Soobin’s chest shook beneath your cheek as a low chuckle broke from him, the sound richer, warmer than any laugh he had given you before. His hand slid up your back, his palm spreading over your spine and tracing every dip. “Right,” he murmured into your hair. “I suppose I’m still your guide until dawn, aren’t I?”

Then you felt his hand slide to the back of your neck, his fingertips brushing along your nape before sinking into your hair — slowly at first, reacquainting himself with the texture of you, then with a sudden gentle grip that stole the air from your lungs. It echoed that evening on the mountain so vividly that a soft breathless moan escaped you, the memory folding into the present as he tugged your head back, guiding you into a slow, dizzying arc. Then he drew you in just enough to feel the promise of his mouth brushing yours without quite committing to it. The edges of your lips met in a barely-there ghost of contact that didn’t satisfy so much as ignite.

You inhaled sharply. He shuddered.

You stared at his mouth because you couldn’t not; he stared at yours because he had no restraint left. Your hand slid up the length of his arm, tracing along the tension of it until your fingers curled around the collar of his robes. His breath fanned against your cheek, warm and uneven; yours brushed back against him, the exchange growing more rapid every time he rocked infinitesimally closer.

You didn’t know how long the two of you hovered there, suspended in that endless point between wanting and waiting. The anticipation pushed you to make a soft, helpless sound which was embarrassingly close to a plea. It was small, but it moved through the space between you like a strike.

You thought he was finally going to indulge you when he exhaled deeply through his nose. Instead, he said —

“I won’t cross a line unless you choose otherwise.” His fingers tightened once where they held your hair, a brief press of possession, before he let the grasp loosen and fall away.

Your head spun, desire sliding dizzy and liquid through you. Whatever restraint you had left snapped and you closed the useless, irrelevant distance at once.

His lips were soft against yours, despite the intensity with which he kissed you back. You melted into him, the kiss deep and warm and slow in ways that robbed you of every coherent thought. All the anticipation you’d carried for days poured into that single meeting of mouths.

Your teeth caught his lower lip with a soft insistence and he answered with a low, breathless sound. His hand slid along your jaw, guiding your mouth open under his. He explored you slowly, tracing the shape of your lower lip, then tilted your head with a subtle pressure of his thumb so he could graze the corner of your mouth, tasting the small hitch of breath that escaped you.

His hand drifted from your cheek to the warm expanse of your throat, thumb sweeping along the delicate line beneath your jaw before he guided you backward, easing you onto your back with a care that contrasted the heat of his mouth — gentle where his kiss was hungry, measured where his breathing had begun to break apart. He didn’t cover you with his full weight; instead, he held himself up on one arm beside your head while his body curved toward yours.

You were slipping in and out of consciousness, falling straight into sensation — dizzy with the warmth spreading through you, with his touch, by the way his lips sought yours again and again. It felt so, so good. You wanted to touch him, to feel him under the tips of your fingers. Your hand drifted beneath the edge of his collar, fingertips glancing over the bare stretch of his shoulder. The moment your skin met his, he nearly groaned into your mouth, the sound muffled as his lips faltered and he rested his forehead to your neck. His breath hit the side of your throat, scorching.

Your hands left his skin only long enough to grasp the fabric at his waist, fingers fumbling with the belt of his robe. “Take this off,” you breathed, your back arching when his teeth grazed the tender place just above your collarbone. “Please.”

He exhaled a rough, barely-there sound — agreement and desire all tangled together as he helped you work the knot free. The robe loosened immediately, the front slipping open for your greedy eyes to drink in. Your gaze unabashedly roamed the lines of his torso, the breadth of his chest, the sculpted definition of his abs, every rise and fall of his breathing marked in the subtle motion of muscle under skin.

Your heart thudded so loudly you felt it in your throat when he pushed himself upright, settling fully above you. The robe shrugged off from his shoulders in a single, fluid motion, leaving nothing between your eyes and the slow, controlled flex of his body as he steadied himself.

You reached out before he could lower himself again, your hand finding the heat of his chest. Your palm glided over skin and muscle, tracing the line of him until your fingers reached his nape. You drew him down, capturing his mouth again, your kiss almost feverish with how much you had wanted this. 

Your other hand moved along his back, following the ridges of muscle carved there. The moment your nails pressed into him, his entire body seized with a raw, involuntary shudder. His forehead dropping to your jaw as if the contact burned.

"You’re…"—he kissed the spot beneath your ear—"driving me out of my mind." His lips pressed lower, grazing the line of your neck before fastening there with a slow, claiming pull of his mouth. He breathed you in, chest rising against yours as though you’d taken something vital from him simply by existing beneath his hands. "I’ve imagined this—your hands on me—more times than I should admit."

Every time you exhaled against his mouth, he chased the breath deepening the kiss with a hunger that curled heat low in your stomach, your body arching instinctively to meet him as the tremor running through him found its echo in you. His hands were everywhere — skimmed down your sides, curling around the base of your throat, then splaying across your midriff, as if he couldn’t decide where he needed you most.

“Do you have any idea how many times I almost grabbed you before this?” He pulled away from your lips to speak, letting the both of you catch your breaths. It didn’t last long enough though, for he was back to devouring you in seconds. He moved lower, peppering open mouthed kisses along your skin until he reached the place just beneath the hollow of your throat. “How many times I had to put distance between us just so I wouldn’t pull you behind a wall and do exactly what I’m doing now?”

Your answer never found shape in words because his teeth sank into the supple flesh of the upper side of your breast with consuming devotion that made you break apart in sound instead of words. His mouth left fleeting marks of heat, tracing patterns across you with soft bites and drawn-out kisses that had your fingers sliding into his hair, holding him there, urging him lower when he paused to look at you through half-lidded eyes blown wider with want.

"I don’t want you to stop," you whispered, brushing your lips along the angle of his jaw, guiding him back to your mouth with a soft pull of his hair. Your breath mingled with his as you caught his lower lip between yours. "Don’t walk ahead of me anymore, Soobin.”

His mouth parted yours with slow, intoxicating sweeps of his tongue that made your spine weaken. You moaned into him, fingers curling at the nape of his neck as you let yourself get carried away by the heat of your shared desires. You cursed out breathlessly when his hand slid down your side, following the curve of your waist before gliding over your hip and down your thigh. His fingers wrapped around the flesh there, squeezing. 

“Soobin—more—” your voice broke as your hips lifted in instinctive answer to his touch. You didn’t know what you meant by more but all you knew was that you wanted him in an awful sense. You wanted to sink your fingers into him and imprint yourself on all that he was. You wanted to claim him. 

Soobin’s hand drifted under the hem of your robe where it had ridden high along your thigh, fingertips brushing bare skin — then stopping altogether. Not just his hand but he too completely went still above you. His chest hovered over yours, rising and falling in one halted breath as he stared down at the exposed line of your hip, at the barely concealed expanse beneath the fabric.

Heat crawled up your neck. Right. You hadn’t put anything on underneath.

You snagged your bottom lip between your teeth as you had the urge to rub your thighs together under his gaze. You didn’t know whether to focus on the dark gleam taking over his eyes or the way his hand—those long, veiny fingers that had lived in your fantasies all week—rested so heavily against your thigh. They dwarfed you, framed you. You felt your throat dry up, the swallow you forced sounding loud in your ears.

Soobin’s lips parted slightly, tongue darting out to wet them, flushed from the fever of your kisses. But it was the curl at the corner of his mouth, that slow-dawning, downright filthy smirk, that punched the breath out of your lungs as he flitted his eyes to hold you in place. Neither of you voiced out the fact that you were wearing nothing underneath, but it was evident in the air and in his eyes. 

“What do you want?” he asked you.

Your attention flicked to his hand again that was caressing your skin — how warm it was, how easily it covered your thigh. He followed your gaze, and when his eyes met yours again, you lifted his hand, guiding it toward your lips. He let out a heavy groan, shoulders tensing as you parted your mouth and drew his fingers in.

Heat sparked in his eyes as your tongue curled around the pads of his fingers. “Ah—fuck,” he hissed, hips shifting.

He pressed his fingers deeper, shallowly at first, then until they brushed the back of your tongue, making your lashes flutter. Your grip tightened around his wrist as you breathed through it, the wet heat making his pupils flare. But he didn’t let you indulge further, pulling them from your mouth; a thin line of saliva clung between his fingertips and your lips before breaking. His breath was ragged now, chest rising in quick pulls as he pushed himself upright and settled between your legs.

His fingers — still glossy with your spit — rested against your knee, sliding higher with a slow path as he looked down at you.

“Open up for me,” he said, voice low enough to shiver through your entire body. "Show me what you want.”

You peered up at him, a faint furrow forming between your brows, because for a moment you couldn’t make sense of what he meant. Before confusion could settle, he took your hand in his; his fingers wrapped around yours with a careful slowness, bringing your knuckles to his mouth. The kiss he pressed there was soft but searing. The gesture warmed you in every way possible.

“I’ve been a good guide, haven’t I?” he whispered, voice rasping with need. “I took you everywhere you wanted to go. Now…” his free hand rose to graze over your sternum, feeling the wild push of your heartbeat beneath your robe, “show me where you want me. Let me see exactly how you want to be loved, sweetheart.”

A shudder passed through him as he put your hand against his chest, inviting you to take command while he surrendered willingly. 

Realization crashed over you in a dizzying wave; heat coiled low in your abdomen, spreading outward until your skin prickled with it and made you throb. “Soobin…” his name left you in a breath that barely qualified as sound. 

You wanted to beg him to save you from this torture, wanted to reason with him to take the lead and help yuo but he didn’t so much as nudge you. He just watched. Patient but burning. His gaze traveled from your lips to the nervous rise of your chest, then lower, as if waiting for the moment you acted on the need coursing through you. His restraint only wound you tighter.

Your fingers drifted down, brushing the edges of the robe tied loosely around your waist. Emboldened by the way his focus sharpened, you slipped your hand beneath the overlapping fabric. The belt loosened easily beneath your touch. You drew it from your waist, letting the sash fall to the floor beside the forgotten trail of clothes and discarded inhibitions. Cool air swept over your exposed stomach and hips, brushing your heated skin and sending another rush of goosebumps across your body.

Soobin’s eyes followed every inch revealed to him, but he still didn’t touch. His jaw flexed, though.

You curled your fingers around the parted edges of your robe, hesitating for a heartbeat before drawing them farther apart. The fabric slipped down your sides, baring more of you to the room’s faint lamplight, to him. A faint shiver raced through you as your nipples tightened under the sudden chill, and you let out a trembling sound.

You weren't shy of your nudity. Rather it was the acute awareness that you were so pliant and open before him. It was the state of consciousness that he was only able to watch your ministrations with a singular focus, and it emboldened you further. If you weren't so heady with lust, you would’ve laughed at yourself. Because right now, this — this sense of intimacy, this sense of awareness and adoration made you feel like you had never been touched before and as if this was your first time.

You eased your legs open slowly and his gaze dropped immediately, drawn to the slick sheen between your thighs. You were trembling already with anticipation and that feeling only tenfold when you caught the movement of his bulge strained against the confines of his trousers. The fabric did nothing to hide how hard he was, how close he was to losing the composure he was barely holding on to.

You went so far as to put your hand to your mouth, your tongue darting out to wet the tips of two fingers. It did not have any particular sensation but that wasn’t the point; the thrill came from the fact that he was watching.

You brought your hand down in between your thighs. You already knew what you’d find but the slick heat that greeted your fingers still knocked a soft, broken sound from your lips. You gathered what coated you, dragging it upward in a long sweep over your slit, circling the swollen point of nerve with a pressure that sent electricity shooting up your spine. Your hips twitched toward your hand, your breaths thinning into shallow bursts as you chased the sensation.

But it wasn’t enough. You wanted to feel Soobin inside you.

With his name coming in the form of a broken melody past your lips, you pushed two fingers into your throbbing heat. Your back arched sharply off the futon, your free hand grasping at the sheets as you fingered yourself in a steady rhythm. The squelching wet sounds filled the small space between you, each push of your fingers making your thighs quake, your voice catching in ragged gasps.

Through the haze clouding your vision, you caught sight of him again — knees pressed into the mattress, hands braced at his sides as if otherwise he might break apart. His eyes, dark and blown wide, stayed locked on your face rather than the place your fingers worked into. That look alone made your body tighten around your own touch, more slick gushing out.

“So beautiful,” he breathed, the words barely audible. His hand raked through his hair, pushing it back before falling uselessly to his thigh. His growing bulge was evident, painfully rock hard but he made no effort to move. You saw the strain to keep his breathing even as his chest quivered. 

His eyes were so intense, his energy so overwhelmingly dominant that it was hypnotizing, but at the same time he looked like he was begging and wanting to be able to touch you. You loved the feeling of his eyes on you. You hadn’t felt wanted like this in years. It made the heat turn molten.

The feeling of heat coiling in your abdomen was slowly approaching, and you fastened your pace, chasing the peak that flickered just out of reach. Your cries of gasps rocked your entire body as the swell of your breasts sinfully moved with them. You threw your head back, covering your eyes with your free hand, welcoming the darkness behind your palm because — for a moment — you could pretend it was him touching you, him guiding you up toward the high you were hurtling toward, him whispering your name as you reached it. So close, almost there—

“No. Don’t do that.”

Your undignified cry resonated through the room when Soobin pulled your hand away. You were dazed and disoriented as you peered up at him when he pinned your arm above your head, his body suddenly hovering over yours and heat rolling off him. You barely had a second to breathe before in one quick motion, he replaced the gaping absence in your pussy with his long fingers that elicited a strangled gasp from you.

“Don’t hide from me tonight,” he murmured, his breath warm against your cheek as his fingers curled deliriously against your sweet spot that had you seeing stars. “Whatever you want—let me see it. Let me learn you,” he breathed, brushing his lips along your jaw as his fingers pumped faster, “the way you’ve been learning me.”

It felt so good. Your teeth sank into your lower lip as a shudder tore through you, your head buzzed with unfathomable ecstasy at the feeling of his long, thick fingers massaging your walls. He repeatedly stroked that spot inside of you, rubbing it and fucking his finger into you as if imagining it was his cock encased in you instead. You twisted beneath him, gasping, helpless to stop the way your body responded to him, clenching around him like you were trying to pull him deeper.

“Soobin—” The sound of his name slid out of you in a broken whisper, your breath stuttering as your hips jerked to meet his hand. “I’m— I’m almost—”

He dropped his head, hot mouth brushing the top of your aroused breast, and then he closed his lips around your nipple sucking harshly. The wet heat of his tongue swept over your skin, circling the sensitive bud before he drew it deeper into his mouth, his teeth grazing lightly as though he wanted to mark you there too. His fingers never slowed — not for a second — plunging into you in deep thrusts while his thumb pressed against your clit in firm, dizzying strokes.

It was too much — his mouth, his hand, the weight of him above you, the need in his voice, the heat curling mercilessly inside you. Your spine bowed off the bed as you choked on a gasp, eyes falling shut as the feeling surged, rising fast, flooding your limbs with sparks that made your toes curl. You clamped your thighs around his hand as the orgasm finally hit, crashing over you in a sharp, consuming wave that stole your breath and left you moaning his name as though you were offering it to him. 

Finally, when your legs stopped shaking and the last tremor eased from your thighs, you dragged in a breath that felt thick enough to taste, your chest rising as you forced your eyes open, heavy-lidded and hazy from the force of the climax he had wrung out of you. The sinful sight of him wrapping his lips around his fingers, licking and sucking off your arousal from them hit you with a fresh surge of heat that made you clench around nothing. You watched, unable to summon even the will to blink.

You shuddered with one last aftershock of your orgasm as you pushed up onto an elbow and reached for him. Your palm cupped his jaw, warm and slightly damp from sweat, eager to kiss him again. This time, he allowed it to be soft. You tasted yourself on his tongue and a quiet sigh escaped you into his mouth as your fingers threaded upward into his hair, urging him closer.

Cupping his hard length over his underwear had his breath hitching. He pulled away from you, whimpering, as his hips jerked minutely into your touch. And that had you looking at him in awe. How could you not let your hand wander when he sounded like that?

You rubbed your thumb over the damp patch spreading through the fabric, circling over the swollen shape of his cockhead beneath the barrier, teasing him until the faint twitch beneath your palm turned into an unmistakable throb. You couldn’t wait any longer, tugging on the waistband to help him discard of that stupid fucking barrier. His cock sprang free, slapping lightly against his abdomen, flushed and slick at the tip where precum had already gathered.

For a beat, you didn't move, eyes going slightly wide at his size. He was big — far bigger than the vague guesses you had pieced together in your imagination and for a moment the sight alone overwhelmed your senses with lust. Your fingers hovered above him, then curled inward slightly as you whispered, "Can I… touch you like this?" The question unexpectedly shy despite everything he'd already seen, already done.

But Soobin did not respond, eyes looked almost glazed, pupils blown wide as if he’d stepped into a haze. He captured your lips again in a searing kiss, his hand curling around the back of your neck as he pressed you down onto the futon again. You let out a soft moan into his mouth, your legs instinctively parting for him as he shifted above you.

Before he could pin you fully, you twisted your hips, hooked your thighs around his waist, and with a sharp push, toppled him onto his back. The surprised sound that tore from his throat shot straight through you, and you climbed over him, straddling his hips as you planted a hand on his chest to keep him in place. His fingers flexed on your thighs, he looked up at you with a gaze that shimmered with want, lips parted as if he couldn’t decide whether to breathe or beg.

You wanted to tip the scales, you wanted to find some semblance of control in the situation. You stared down at him with a heated expression, basking in the grunts and groans he spilled for you as you slowly rubbed your soaked folds over the rigid length of his cock, coating him in your slick. The more he reacted, the bolder you became, replacing the slow, teasing roll of your hips with your hand as you wrapped your fingers around his heated shaft, stroking him languidly.

Soobin gave you sweet noises of pleasure as you stroked him slowly. When his hands settled on your hips, fingers digging into them as his scrunched brow stared at you pleadingly, you granted him the permission he wordlessly sought. You lifted yourself onto your knees as you guided him by the base of his cock, rubbing the tip against your sopping slit, his arousal mixing with your own.

Soobin panted at the mere entrance of his swollen tip through your slick entrance. He watched you through heavy lashes as you sank slowly onto him; his throat worked around a swallow when the first inch disappeared inside you, then another, your body yielding to him with intoxicating ease. The sound he made when you took him deeper was ragged, his head falling back into the futon as he fought for air. The sight of his broad chest rising and falling beneath you, the veins along his neck standing out as he strained against the overwhelming pulse of pleasure, made you clench around him, drawing another broken exhale from him.

You pushed down until you felt the faint resistance of your bodies meeting, his cock filling you to the hilt and coaxing a fervent moan out of you. The enclosed space echoed with the slick, obscene sounds of your bodies fitting together — every slow grind, every subtle shift, every breath-trembling descent punctuated by a wet, intoxicating sound that made your head swim. You bit your lip as you grinded on him, feeling his length throb deep inside you. This position let you take soobin as deeply as humanly possible.

“Are you alright?” His hands slid from your hips to your waist, then higher, thumbs stroking faint circles against your skin as he forced himself to breathe through the intensity.

“Feels incredible,” you whispered, your voice catching on a tremor as your walls fluttered around him. “You—God, Soobin, you feel so deep… I can barely think.”

It took you a moment to adjust, but the second you did, your palm slid back against the dense muscle of his thigh while the other pressed to the warm plane of his abdomen, using the taut rise and fall of his breath as your anchor to rise and fall on him with growing urgency. His cock dragged along your insides in a way that felt almost illicit, grazing every tender place with a fullness that bordered on unbearable, the faintest edge of a sting dissolving instantly beneath the volcanic rush of pleasure that rolled through your limbs until your bones felt molten.

Your breath came out in hot puffs as you moved over him. One side of your robe slipped down your shoulder entirely, each bounce sent your breasts swaying in a way that made Soobin’s gaze snap upward, his pupils blown wide as he watched how the dim lamplight fell directly on the sheen of sweat glistening across your chest and collarbones. He thought that was the most gorgeous scene he had ever seen. 

You tried to keep yourself upright but after every rise and fall your climax crept closer. It's almost too good how his cock pressed into your deepest parts, the drag of his tip making you want to slump over and succumb to the blinding pleasure. You fought it until your head finally dropped forward, hair falling around your face as a broken sound spilled from your lips. When you lifted your gaze through your haze of panting need, you found him staring right back.

“Please.”

The word tumbled out of you, small and ruined, your hand sliding helplessly up his abdomen.

That was all he needed from you to swiftly change the position. You were now underneath him, his entire frame pressed close to you and caging you. Naked chest to chest, his arms around your head and you cupped his jaw with trembling fingers, pulling him into a kiss so deep and wet it made you gasp against his tongue as he began to thrust into you with a force that drew a sound from your throat you’d never made before.

His cock slid wetly, messily in and out of your soft and needy pussy. He sounded as if he hadn’t been touched in ages, it was as if he was in awe of what he felt. You wrapped your hands around the sides of his neck, your thumbs brushing up the column of his throat, letting him move your body exactly how he wanted, trusting he will give you what you need. And gods, he gave you everything you needed — stretching your soft walls around him, finding every weakened place inside you that throbbed for more, urging your body to yield to him again and again.

Then suddenly he was deeper — so devastatingly deep that your eyes fluttered shut. “Soobin—” Your voice cracked beautifully around it.

He tried to kiss you, but he couldn't, his mouth simply looming over yours in its parted position as he echoed his moans into you and let his saliva-coated lips graze over you. 

“The thought of some other man guiding you,” he rasped, breaking the words against your lips, “the possibility of someone else touching you… watching you fall apart like this under them—” His voice cracked, his next thrust punctuating his frustration. “The idea of anyone taking my place here—” his forehead pressed to yours with a shaky exhale, “—I can’t stand it.”

You moans were wanton and feverish as you stared up at him with wide eyes and scrunched eyebrows. Your hands fumbling to hold onto his back, nails dragging angry red lines down his skin. You clung to him as that dizzying rush began to crest inside you, your vision blurring as your second orgasm slammed into you with blinding intensity. Your body seized around him, trembling, your walls fluttering helplessly as pleasure washed you out.

“So—fuck—” His voice broke entirely as your body gripped him. It made his rhythm turn sloppy and his groans splitting into little whimpers that escaped his lips.

You barely registered he was speaking until he repeated himself, breath hot against your cheek. “Where do you want it?”

You blinked slowly, vision soft and hazy, taking in the flushed swell of his cheeks, the dazed part of his mouth, the absolute wreckage in his eyes. You wanted to remember him like this forever. Instead of answering, you let your tongue slip out over your lower lip, opening your mouth in silent invitation.

A choked sound tore from him as he muttered a curse right against your jaw. “You’re—god—” He swallowed hard, eyes squeezing shut for a beat as he pulled out in one quick, shaky motion. He rose onto his knees above you, hand wrapping around the base of his cock as he stroked himself with frantic need. “Fucking perfect,” he breathed, gaze locked onto your open mouth.

You held his stare as he came, hot and shuddering, thick ropes spilling onto your tongue and lips. You made sure to get every last drop, licking your lips slowly and swallowing with your eyes pinned directly to his. The action made your spent body tighten around nothing as you dripped down on the sheets.

The room hummed with lingering warmth as both of you fought for breath. Soobin hovered above you for a moment, eyes wide as though replaying the sensation of your shared closeness in his mind with an intensity that made his lips twitch into a small, almost bashful smile. Your chest heaved as you stared up at him with the same smile from where you laid. He lowered himself beside you with a quiet exhale before running a hand down the path of your spine when you turned to face him on your side. You let yourself be pulled into his warm embrace as he draped the blankets over your bodies.

For many minutes, you two basked in the blissful silence. You listened to his breathing while he traced absentminded patterns across your back. Soobin shifted only enough to cup the back of your head, his fingers sliding through your hair in slow strokes that made your muscles relax one by one. He dipped forward to press a kiss to your forehead and you felt your shoulders melt as you released a faint sigh against his collarbone.

“Are you alright?” His hand traveled down your spine in a loose trail before settling at your waist, keeping you tucked against him.

You tipped your head back just enough to catch his eyes, a drowsy smile curving your lips as you brushed your fingertips along the faint marks you’d left on his neck. “I’m more than alright,” you murmured, the words curling out on a breath that sounded like laughter. “What about you?”

He chuckled then leaned in, brushing a kiss along the corner of your mouth and letting it travel lazily across your lips. “If this is what nearly falling apart feels like, I’m not complaining.” Another kiss, his hold eased your hand up until your palm rested against the steady thrum of his heart. "Feel that? Feel how hard it’s still racing for you. I want you to know, even now, how much of me is yours."

Oh dear, how were you going to survive this man? He’s already making you fall even harder for him. You knew it wouldn’t take you much longer to love him. You closed your eyes, nuzzling into the space between his shoulder and throat as your voice warmed. "This is not fair," you muttered before pressing a tiny kiss to his collarbone. “How did you expect me not to like you when you’re this cute?”

He laughed, the sound a mixture of exasperation and fondness, and tipped his head to press a kiss along your hairline. "I don’t expect anything," he said. "Except maybe that you’ll keep letting me get lost in you like this. I promised you that I’ll love you so much, didn't i?”

You lifted your gaze to meet his, your fingers brushing across the smooth line of his jaw. "Then I guess we’re even," you murmured, eyes softening.

His hand was warm over yours as you felt his heartbeat. "Everything we just shared, all of this," he began, "doesn’t vanish with the dawn. Tomorrow, we’ll talk about us, about what comes next, about everything we’re going to do together. You don’t have to wonder."

“Tomorrow,” you echoed against his lips. “We’ll figure it all out tomorrow.” You curled into his chest again, your arm loosening around his waist as he adjusted the blankets more snugly around you both. “Right now I just want to stay exactly where I am.”

“This,” he continued as sleep slowly pulled you in, letting the word stretch between you like a promise, “this is yours to lead as much as it is mine to follow.”

At that moment, it dawned on you that coming here had been worth everything. You would leave not only with the memory of a once-in-a-decade lantern festival, you would leave carrying so much more.

When you leave, Choi Soobin will not be a fleeting memory of this place.

He would be the one stepping into the days ahead with you.

THE END.

reaching your front door, you skidded to a stop to steal a glance in the mirror in the entryway to check your appearance. ripping the front door open you came face to face with soobin. he was clad in loose fitting sweats that you've seen him in a dozen times, but you couldn't help the way your eyes raked over his appearance hastily. your brief trance was broken when soobin cleared his throat and shook the bags of takeout he was holding, "hellooo, i thought you were starving? let me in."

"shut up, i am starving," you scoffed and grabbed the bags from his hand, leaving him with the pack of beer he also brought. soobin kicked off his shoes and followed closely behind you to pile your takeout onto your coffee table. after situating everything on the table, you spun around to take the drinks from soobin, but was surprised at how closely he already stood behind you. he seemed to tower over you, his closeness making your cheeks instantly heat up. the calm look on his face told you he had no idea what he was doing to you. he just held onto the pack of beer between the two of you, but when you didn't take it from him he reached around your to set them down.

you had developed feelings for soobin sometime after you both became friends working at the same part-time job. you two worked so well as friends, you couldn't bear the thought of telling him how you felt and having it ruin your friendship. so you just dated other people and pushed your feelings for him deep down. you didn't know what was overcoming you tonight, but you had to chalk it up to just the excitement of the new year.

"so, i was thinking: a movie to start with while we eat, then i kick your ass in super smash bros," soobin rolled his eyes from where he had made himself comfortable on your couch, "then, watch the countdown."

"maybe we should skip super smash bros, i would hate for you to ring in the new year crying from how badly you lose," soobin smirked and began to unpack the takeout.

you laughed loudly and shook your head in response. you sunk down onto the couch next to him and playfully nudged his shoulder with yours. "yeah, we'll see about that."

the next two hours were spent watching a movie that soobin picked out and gorging yourselves on fried chicken and beer. the ending credits of the movie began and you took in your current position on the couch. you and soobin at one point had scooted closer together for you were now pressed up against his side, feet tucked under yourself. your head was almost resting against his chest and his arm had settled on the back of the couch behind you. every now and then throughout the movie you could feel his fingertips lightly brush up against the top of your head almost playing with you hair. this was not completely out of the ordinary for the two of you. after all, you were just friends right?

you finally gave up your position and sat up to turn off the movie and turn on your switch so you guys could play a game. turning around to hand him a controller, you caught soobin resting his head back against the couch, eyes closed. you immediately jumped back on the couch, and leaned over him, putting your hands on either side of his shoulders. "hey, don't tell me two beers is going to put you to sleep before midnight!" you jostled him slightly, laughing.

his eyes remained closed, but a wide smile splayed across his face. "god forbid a guy takes a moment to rest his eyes," he joked.

you remained with your hands on his shoulders and whispered, "well resting time is over."

soobin slowly opened his eyes and blinked, gazing up at you. there was a moment you both just stared at each other. you hadn't noticed how close your faces were. you could have sworn his eyes drifted down to your lips before snapping them back up to your eyes. realizing you were practically pinning him against the couch, you sat up as smoothly as you could manage. for a few minutes nothing was said as you started up the game and began your first match.

things soon heated up as you played multiple matches against each other. there was playful pushing, teasing and the occasional shit talking. soobin's cheeks has turned a light shade of pink from the beers, and you knew yours probably looked the same. you felt nice and warm, but you weren't sure if that was because of the alcohol or the way soobin had thrown his top half into your lap when he had just barely lost a round. he was hiding his face in your leg, large hand splayed against the top of your knee. he was fake crying about his loss and whining about how ruthless you could be, but all you could focus on was how large and warm his hand felt through your sweatpants. with his face still against you, he squeezed your leg slightly and you couldn't help the way your thighs pressed together. you didn't mean to, but you doubted soobin could have noticed.

"you play dirty, y/n," soobin mumbled, eventually rising from your lap.

you laughed, "yeah, well i had to get good if i didn't want to keep losing to you."

"i've created a monster," he teased and lightly tossed his controller onto the coffee table. he checked his phone briefly and gestured to the tv, "it's only a few minutes til midnight, let's turn on the countdown."

you grabbed the remote and switch the tv to the correct channel. you couldn't believe that much time had already passed since soobin got here. you suddenly felt a flutter in your stomach; the nerves from knowing a new year was about to begin. what would this next year bring you? you knew what you really wanted sneaking a glance at soobin, but you dismissed the thought from your mind before it could spiral.

before you knew it, you heard the chants of the tv counting down, "10... 9... 8...!" soobin grasped your hand tightly, bringing it up and down with each number. you smiled widely with him and joined in on the countdown. this is exactly where you wanted to be for the new year, a party with someone else couldn't possibly compare to this right here. your best friend turned towards you now, the biggest smile on his face. "4... 3... 2... 1... HAPPY NEW YEAR!" you both yelled out. you both leaned in for a tight embrace. fireworks could be heard outside. you both stayed in each other's grasp for a moment, savoring it.

"happy new year, y/n," soobin whispered against your hair.

you both pulled away slowly, but still holding each other. he had a soft smile on his face, as he took in yours. he again glanced down your mouth, you weren't imagining it this time. to keep yourself from doing something stupid, you whispered back, "happy new year, soo-" you didn't get to finish because suddenly soobin was surging forward to press his lips to yours. for a fracture of a second, your mind didn't register was what happening. but his lips firmly pressed against yours as if begging you to kiss him back, so you did. soobins hands cupped either side of your face as you moved your lips against his. your hands moved to his chest, feeling the fabric of his shirt.

his lips molded perfectly with yours, moving against them with fervor. you let out a small sigh when you felt his tongue brush up against your open lips. you instantly parted them more, allowing his tongue to slip into your mouth. soobin moaned lightly into your mouth as the feeling of your tongue now caressing his. you were starting to become breathless, but you couldn't be bothered to care.

soobin's hands slid to your sides, finding purchase on your hips. he squeezed lightly and pulled you closer to him, trying to guide you into his lap. you got the hint and moved to straddle him. he parted from his assault on your mouth just enough to gaze up at you. his lips were already a little puffy from kissing you and the sight made your stomach do flips. "is this okay?" he murmured, giving you a hopeful look.

you nodded your head and hummed in response, that being all you could manage at the moment. you let one of your hands that was previously resting on his chest wander to the back of his neck, tangling with his soft hair. at the same time, soobin's grip on your hips tightened and he pulled you back to him. your lips met once more, kissing each other like you were starved. you knew you had wanted this for a long time, and it felt like he had as well.

you felt soobin's hands slip under your shirt at your sides, coming into contact with your warm skin. his touch was light, as if testing the waters. your hips started to rock slowly against his, and you could feel his growing hard on beneath you. he let out a shaky breath against your lips, "keep doing that, please." you pressed yourself further into his lap to grind against him harder. your mouth parted slightly, a soft moan escaping your lips. soobin lifted your shirt in silent request and you nodded furiously in between kisses. he tugged your shirt over your head with ease and threw it somewhere on the couch. he parted from you to look down at your shirtless form.

just as you were going to tease him for staring, he moved forward to pepper kisses along your jaw and down your neck. you angled your head to the side, giving him more access. right as he reached your pulse, his large hands came up to cup your tits over your bra, squeezing slightly. "ah.. soobin," you whined, your eyes fluttering closed in bliss.

you tugged on his hair slightly, feeling the silky strands between your fingers. he was placing open mouthed kisses and sucking on your skin every now and then. you hadn't stopped grinding against him, his dick now pressing prominently against your clothed clit. the friction was addicting, you would have been happy with this alone, but you could feel the outline of his dick and you ached badly for more.

soobin reach around your back to where your bra clasp was and deftly undid it. you helped him slide the straps from your shoulders, discarding it to join your shirt. his mouth made his way down your chest and to your nipple, circling his tongue around it. his free hand kneaded the other. "you're so perfect, y/n," he mumbled against you. you whimpered and felt his hips grind up back into you.

you slid your hands under his hoodie, feeling his toned stomach beneath your fingers. "take this off," you said around a gasp when you felt a particularly sharp jolt of pleasure from his dick rubbing against your clit. soobin detached himself from your chest and grabbed either side of his hoodie, slipping it off with ease. of course he wasn't wearing anything else underneath. you immediately pressed yourself against him, kissing him hungerly. the feeling of his skin against yours made you both moan into the kiss.

"i wanna taste you so badly," soobin groaned, pushing his hips up against you.

you sighed in pleasure, throwing your head back, "then take me to my room." soobin's arms slid around your waist, gripping you tightly as he suddenly stood up with you in his arms. he picked you up so easily and carried you to your bedroom. once he made it to your bed, he set you down softly, and you scooted up towards your pillows. soobin crawled after you, slotting himself between your legs. he kissed your lips sweetly, once, twice, and made his way down your body, kissing each inch of skin he could. finally, his fingers hooked around your waistband and peeled your pants down your legs. you knew your panties were soaked through, and a part of you was slightly embarrassed when soobin noticed.

"you've made such a mess already," he smirked boldly and kissed your inner thigh, "i'm gonna take good care of you baby, i promise." his big hands wrapped around your thighs holding them open as he leaned forward and licked you right through your panties.

"oh my god," you whimpered, your head falling back against the pillows. soobin flattened his tongue against your clothed pussy and moved his head slightly side to side. he hadn't even touched you properly, and you were slowly being reduced to a moaning mess. "soobin, please," you moaned when he repeated the motion, paying more attention on your clit this time.

obeying your plea, he pulled your panties down slowly. the cool air hitting your bare pussy sent shivers throughout your body. "like i said... perfect," soobin licked his lips once before starting to eat you out like it was his last meal. his tongue circled your entrance teasingly, dipping in and out once and awhile. you arched your back at the pleasure that began to build in your lower belly. you reached your hands down to grip his hair, anything to anchor you. soobin groaned against your pussy when you tugged at his roots, and the vibrations made you clamp your legs around him. his hands pushed your legs apart in response, spreading you open before him. "mhm, keep still for me, baby."

once he pushed your legs wide enough he brought one hand to your pussy and used his fingers to spread the wetness around your entrance. he greedily pushed two fingers into you, his tongue licking at your clit. you couldn't stop the high pitched moan that escaped your lips at the feeling of his fingers stretching you. they filled you perfectly, and then he started sliding them in and out of you, curling them up when they reached deep inside you. "oh god, soobin... i'm so close," you whined out, your fingers still buried in his hair. at that, he latched his lips around your clit and sucked harshly. you hadn't noticed, but he had begun to grind his hips against the mattress to satiate the ache in his cock. his fingers picked up the pace at the same time, effectively sending you careening into your first orgasm. soobin held you in place as you rode out your orgasm and began slowing his motions.

your eyes had been screwed shut, but once you felt the waves of your pleasure dissipating, you opened them to see soobin still between your legs. he was watching you with intent and brought up his fingers that were coated with your cum to his mouth and sucked on them. your mouth slightly parted at the sight. only in your wettest dreams did you ever imagine your best friend's face inches from your soaking pussy, licking your juices from his fingers like this.

once you got your wits about you, you nudged his head with your knee lightly and whispered, "come up here." soobin crawled his way up your body, caging you in his arms. gazing down at you, you took in his appearance: messy hair, pupils blown wide, and lips still shiny with your cum. he was the perfect one here. your hands slid around his neck and pulled him down to meet you in a sloppy kiss. you reached your other hand down between your bodies to rub his hardened dick through his sweats that were for some reason still on. "let me return the favor," you purred into his ear.

he just kissed your cheek tenderly and replied, "next time, i promise you can turn return the favor. i'm afraid i wouldn't last long with your mouth around me." your cheeks heated at his confession and at the fact that he was already thinking about a next time. but, did this mean the same thing to him as it did to you? or was sex just going to become another component to your friendship? all of these thoughts suddenly flooded your mind uncontrollably. as if soobin could feel the shift in your thoughts, he leaned down to kiss the soft spot beneath your ear and whispered, "i've been wanting this for so long. i've been wanting you for so long."

you pulled his head back so that you could see his face properly. he was looking at you so gently, the softness in his expression made you want to melt into the mattress. the thought that your best friend had also been harboring feelings for you and you had no idea made you want to laugh, but instead you kissed him in response. you tried to pour every emotion you wanted to convey into your kiss. you mumbled against his lips, "me too, you have no idea."

your fingers hooked into his waistband and pulled them down. soobin helped tug them the rest of the way off. before he could do anything else, you sat up and pushed him down against the mattress. you climbed on top of him, your legs settled on either side of him. you looked down at him where your pussy hovered over him. his hard dick rested against his lower stomach, the tip red and leaking. he was big, you knew he was going to be big from when you were grinding against him on the couch. soobins hands smoothed over the tops of your thighs, squeezing the flesh there. you still hadn't made a further move, so he brought his hips up to meet your touch. his cock slid through your slick folds, both of you moaning out loud. you started to move your hips back and forth coating his length in your wetness. soobin's grip on your thighs was bruising as he stared down where your two bodies were moving against each other.

suddenly he stiffened, wide eyes snapping up to yours. "i-i don't think i have a condom," he blurted out.

you smirked in response, "that's okay. i'm protected." his lips formed an "o" in understanding. you leaned your body towards him pressing your chests together as you began leaving sweet kisses down his jaw and neck. you bit down on the skin of his collarbone lightly as you continued to slide your pussy over his dick teasingly.

soobin's hips bucked up instinctively and he moaned out, "oh baby, i'm seriously not going to last if you keep doing that." you sat back up and lifted your hips, grabbing hold of his dick with your hand. you lined him up to your entrance and slowly sank down onto him. the head of his cock pushed into you and you inhaled sharply. soobin's hands steadied your hips as you sank the rest of the way down. you finally seated yourself fully on his dick, the fullness making it hard to breath right. he groaned deeply shifting slightly underneath you, "fuck, you feel so good, y/n."

his praise sent a stroke of confidence through you, and you leaned yourself back to place your hands on his thighs. your hips started to move back and forth, up and down on him. soobin didn't know where to look: down at your pussy sucking his cock in repeatedly or the way your tits bounced up and down from your movements. your head was thrown back, the prettiest moans he had ever heard leaving your lips. you were bouncing on his dick so well, but he was holding back. his muscles strained trying to keep himself under control, but he couldn't help it when his hips snapped up to thrust into you.

you cried out, your mouth parted open. "mmh, soobin!" you were at his mercy now with his hips snapping up into you roughly. your arms were already on fire in the position you had them in so you tried your hardest to sit upright again. you place your hands on his chest to support yourself, nails digging harshly into his skin. you arched your back to provide friction to your clit, your eyes screwing shut at the pleasure that shot through you. his cock pumped up into you so deeply in this position, you felt like he would split you in half. soobin's hands slid down to grab the flesh of your ass, bringing you up and down his cock in perfect rhythm with his hips. you were sure there would be bruises where his fingers dug into your skin there in the morning.

"ah, baby, fuck i can feel you tightening around me," soobin's voice came out in a whine.

"you're fucking me so good, i-i'm going to c-cum," you could barely form words, his thrusts up into you were jostling you so much. the familiar coil in your tummy was wound tight, so close to snapping.

just as your legs began to shake, soobin sat up abruptly and flipped you both over. you back was pushed into the mattress, his forearms caging in either side of your head. your legs fell open as he continued to fuck into you at a ruthless pace. you felt so small underneath him. he pulled you against him and you wrapped your arms around him. it was like the two of you couldn't get close enough. his face was right next the side of your head when he said breathlessly, "can i fill you up, please baby? i'm so close."

all you could manage out was a soft, "please". soobin reached down to where your bodies met and rubbed harshly at your clit with his thumb.

you cried out, your back arching up into his touch, "oh god, just like that! please don't stop!"

soobin's hips stuttered slightly and he whimpered out, "kiss me, baby." you smashed your lips together, and you felt the coil in your lower stomach snap suddenly. you saw stars as your pussy tightened around his cock, your orgasm crashing through your body. soobin buried his face into the crook of your neck, still fucking into you roughly and groaned loudly, "that's it baby, cum for me."

"soobin-" you cried, about to tell him you couldn't handle the overstimulation when you felt his hips stutter once again. warmth spread within you, his cum painting your inner walls. you were clutching each other so tightly, your limbs cried from the strain. eventually, he slowed his motions, just savoring the feeling of you still wrapped around him.

he lifted his face from your neck, hair sticking to his forehead from sweat. he placed a sweet, tender kiss to your lips and brushed the hair from your face. "you look so beautiful right now," he said honestly.

you smiled shyly and looked away, "i highly doubt that."

soobin just cupped your cheek, thumb stroking your flushed skin, "i'm serious."

you smiled fully now and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. you two spent a moment catching your breath before he gently pulled out of you. you immediately felt empty, but soobin's arms quickly engulfed you. your face was smushed into his chest and you savored the feeling of his skin against yours. he moved his fingertips back and forth lazily across your shoulder blades. you broke the silence by saying, "i hope you know that we can't be friends after this."

You don’t exactly know how it started. The cheating, the lying, the sleepless nights, the crying, the heartbreak, Choi Yeonjun. One day he was just…there. You had never met anyone like Yeonjun before yet you knew hundreds of people like him. He was everything, he was the cause of your pain, your tears, your self loathe. — But mostly importantly, Yeonjun was your first love. You would always remember him as that. You suppose it might have started on your first day at that college, back when you were only known as the junior transfer. 

He was a senior. Perhaps it was a bit cliché, you don’t know, you didn’t think so. But you remember it clearly, the first time you saw him. — The air was hot, suffocatingly so, despite it being early October. Your palms were sweaty, and you squeezed them together as your hands remained neatly clasped in front of you. The eyes of the other students weighed a ton and you felt your knees buckle under the pressure. 

Your professor clears his throat as he steps up beside you, gazing out across the classroom. “We have a new student today”, he announces what was already painfully obvious and you felt your cheeks redden further. Apart from a few sniggers here and there, silence follows. “Why don’t you introduce yourself?” His direct question made you flinch as you quickly glanced up from the floor, your gaze flitting between your professor and the large ocean of heads turned in your direction. 

Your introduction was meek, the words getting caught in your throat as you stammered out your name. You could almost hear the smirks plastered on their faces as they drank in your fidgety frame. You jump when you feel your teacher's hand on your shoulder, “your new classmate is a year younger than you guys, but due to her impressive work ethic she has finished the majority of her classes already. She will therefore be joining us for the time being.” — His words of praise felt more like a set up for humiliation and you watched as students leaned over to whisper in each other’s ears, grinning at the words being passed around. You could hear the rumors already. 

“Why don’t you take the seat over there?” Your new professor points to an empty desk by the very back and you breathe out a small sigh of relief, glad to be shielded from the peering eyes of your new classmates. But just as you’re about to step down and make your way toward the safe haven, you lock eyes with him. — Part of his face was shielded by his dark hair but you could clearly make out his brown eyes, staring right back at your own. He’s quick to catch on to your stare and you watch as his lips stretch into a menacing smirk. 

Forcing yourself to look away, you grab onto your bag as you quietly make your way past the many rows of desks. An outstretched foot makes you stumble forward and you barely manage to catch yourself. “Careful”, one of the girls turns in her seat as she eyes you with a not so friendly smile, “wouldn’t want you to fall.” You give her a small nod as you hurriedly continue toward your own desk.

Thankful to have stepped away from the spotlight, you lean back as you let out a small breath. But it wasn’t enough. As class went on you continued to catch the multiple glances thrown your way, the small chuckles, the papers being passed around. It all felt too familiar, and your heart slowly sank. — You pushed the feeling away, focusing on what you did best, studying. Class was a nice distraction, but after an hour and a half it came to an end. And as soon as your professor had shut the door behind him, chaos erupted. 

The scraping of chairs against the stone floor filled the classroom as students turned to get a glimpse of you. It didn’t take long for a small half circle to form around you, and you swallowed the lump in your throat. 

“How did you do it?” 

The first one to speak up was a lanky guy, he leans closer as he studies your uncertain face. Before you could even process the meaning of his question, a girl interrupted him, the same one who had tried to trip you over at the beginning of class. “I bet she slept with them, I mean, she must have.” — Her statement is followed by laughter as people nod in agreement. “But how did you get them in bed?” Another girl asks as she looks you up and down with distaste, “surely it wasn’t whilst looking like that?” More laughter. 

Your face might as well have been on fire as you glanced down toward your notes. “What if she drugged them?” Another guy chimes in as he points an accusing finger toward you. Hurriedly you shake your head as your lips part in a reply, a reply that immediately gets stuck in your throat as you’re interrupted. 

“You guys are being too harsh.” Another voice speaks up, everyone falls silent and soon the crowd parts as the guy you had made eye contact with earlier steps through. He’s followed by two of his friends and the small group stops by your desk. “It’s obvious you guys”, he exclaims as he leans down to come eyelevel with you. When this close, his sharp eyes somehow felt like daggers, boring into your soul as his lips curled into a smirk. 

“She’s a nerd.” He draws out each syllable like it was his last, his lips stretching wider as he sees your face fall. Small gasps and hums of agreement fill the silent room, as if everyone just instantly agreed with whatever he said. “Don’t think of her as anything else”, he drawls, straightening his back once more as he stares you down. 

You soon found out that his name was Choi Yeonjun. 

⸝⸝

Your first day had only proven to be a small trial of the school year ahead. Word had quickly spread of the transfer student who took classes with the seniors, and wherever you went, you had eyes on you. — You tried your best to keep to yourself, to focus on your studies. That was how you had made it through your previous schools. But it seemed futile here, because no matter how low of a profile you kept, they always found a reason to pick and pull at you. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing nerd?” She yells as she shoves you against the red lockers and you groan in pain. You couldn’t remember her name, but you knew that she was a senior too, she sat two rows ahead of you and to the left. — Confused, you look up only to be met with a harsh slap to your face. “Don’t play stupid, I know that’s the last thing you are.” She sneers and your lips part in objection, though no words come out. 

The girl signals for her friends to block either side of you, shutting off any escape routes as she rolls up her sleeves. “You think you can just go through my shit like that? That I wouldn’t know?” Her statement baffles you and your eyes widen, “what?” Another slap to your cheek, “right, come on now. Give it back.” 

You frown, “give what back?” Her friends on either side of you grip onto your arms and you wince as they twist your limbs. She scoffs, “my lipstick you idiot, I know it was you. Who else would take it? Besides, I’ve seen the way you eye it whenever I put it on.” — While her words were partly true, you did think that her lipstick was really pretty and often found your gaze lingering whenever she picked it up from her bag, you would never stoop to such a level as stealing. 

“I didn't steal your lipstick”, you croak out and she lets out a huff of disbelief. She goes off on yet another rant but you’re suddenly distracted as your eyes land on the small group of students walking by. 

After your first day, Yeonjun hadn’t addressed you once. He never picked on you, never engaged in gossip about you, he barely even acknowledged your existence. But you knew that he was behind most of what happened to you, because everyone listened to Choi Yeonjun. If he didn’t like what was going on, he would put an end to it, but he never did. 

You often saw him in the halls, he was always followed by his two friends. On your second day you had learned that the three of them were practically inseparable. — To his left was a tall guy, his frame could easily tower over just about anyone, yet he trailed behind his friends quietly with his head hung low. If it wasn’t for the scowl on his face whenever someone dared to glance in his direction, you would have assumed that he was just any other student. His name was Choi Soobin, that much you knew. 

To his right, was perhaps Soobin’s opposite. He was shorter than his friends, not by much, but it made him stick out. His hair fell in uneven sections across his face and he often brushed it away with his pinky whilst he spoke. Unlike Soobin, Choi Beomgyu talked almost all the time, with the occasional input from Yeonjun. Though few of his words were kindhearted. He often picked on you, his comments were snarky and mean, you only ever caught a break when Yeonjun got fed up. 

Then there was Choi Yeonjun, walking in the middle, he gazed ahead as Beomgyu blabbered nonsense into his ear, Soobin following slightly behind them. The Choi’s, that was what people called them. Something to do with their names all being Choi, you thought it was kind of corny. Yet you couldn’t deny the way your eyes lingered on Yeonjun, just a little longer than the rest. 

It wasn’t like you thought that he was handsome or anything, but he was nice to look at…you supposed. And even though you knew better than to pay him any mind, it was hard to tear your gaze away from him. Only when he passed you, did you feel your heart stutter. For the first time since your first day here, he looked at you, if only for a brief moment. His gaze flickered over your practically torn limbs and a small smirk etched its way to his lips. — You felt your knees go weak under his eyes and swallowed hard. 

Though his attention soon returned to the girl draped under his arm, the same girl that had tried to trip you over on your first day. You had found out that she was his girlfriend, her name was Mimi. She twirled a strand of her hair as she whispered something in his ear and Yeonjun chuckled. — Their small party continued past you as if nothing was wrong before disappearing down the hallway, leaving you to face the fate before you. 

⸝⸝

You convinced yourself that it wasn’t a crush, that you simply found him appealing. The topic of crushes stopped being a thing after middle school, right? You, a twenty year old, have a crush? The thought was ridiculous. But no matter what lies you forced into your brain, your heart still beat a little faster whenever he was present, your eyes drifted in his direction and there was nothing you could do to stop them. — So what if you did have a small crush on Choi Yeonjun? It wasn’t going to harm anyone, it wasn’t like you were going to act on it. He had a girlfriend. Whenever you reminded yourself of said fact, a pang of guilt shot through your chest. You know you shouldn’t feel guilty, but it was hard not to. Most of all you felt guilty toward yourself — guilty for letting yourself sink to such a level. 

As October went by, you did your best to stay out of the firing line of your classmates, you kept your head down and did your work. And when there was no work left to do, you spent your time looking at Yeonjun. He really was pretty to look at. — You noted the way he would lean back in his chair, stretching his arms above his head before yawning, his eyes momentarily fluttering closed. Usually, he wasted his classes on his phone, or chatting with Beomgyu, it was unusual for him to be doing any of his coursework. Perhaps he didn’t need to, or he simply didn’t care to. 

Occasionally, you would catch your name slipping past Beomgyu’s lips, your gaze immediately snapping down to your book as your heart practically beat out of your chest. But no matter how many times he mentioned you, pointed at you, sneered at you, Yeonjun never even as much as turned his head in your direction, simply shrugging along to whatever his friend was saying.

The only time Yeonjun looked at you was when everyone else did. That one time someone poured milk over you in the cafeteria, or when you got a basketball in your face during gym. Only when the whole school pointed and laughed, only then did he spare you a fragment of his attention. And maybe you did like it, maybe you did want him to look at you. 

It was kind of pathetic. 

What was perhaps even more pathetic was that one offer you hadn’t been able to pass up. It wasn’t like you could say no to your professor either, right? — “I think there are a few students who would benefit from studying together with you.” You blink up at him as you watch your teacher lean back in his chair. This was why he had called you? To be frank you don’t know what you had expected when he asked you to stay behind after class, but this was far from it. 

“Studying with me?” You repeat as you point a confused finger toward yourself. Sure you worked hard, but that was because you had your mind set on doing so. You doubted that your classmates would want to spend even a second wasted in your presence. 

Your professor sighs as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “You are a clever girl”, he nods toward your latest test result on his desk and your gaze follows his movement as you swallow. “Not to mention the fact that you are a whole year ahead of your peers.” He then adds with a small smile and you silently thank him, even though you were certain that he could smell the hesitation radiating off of you. “Look, it is not something you have to decide on today”, he begins as he gathers the papers on his desk, “but students like Mr. Choi could definitely use a hand in their studies.” 

Your ears perked up at the brief mention of his name, and it was almost embarrassing how quickly your head jerked in the direction of your teacher. Though you did not dare get too ahead of yourself. Shifting on the spot, you softly clear your throat, “Choi…Choi Yeonjun?” Your professor stops to look at you, “why, yes, but you do not have to decide today take the weekend to-” 

“I’ll do it.” 

⸝⸝

You’ll do it? What a joke. 

Your whole weekend was spent pacing back and forth across your room. Teeth gnawing away at your fingernails, your mind wrecked with different scenarios of how that following Monday would play out. What were you honestly thinking, saying yes like that? — With an exasperated groan, you flop down on your bed. Staring at the ceiling, you envision Yeonjun, a furious Yeonjun, or maybe a jeering one, you didn’t know which approach he would take. But surely he wouldn’t be happy once the news reached him, unless they already had?

Briefly you considered calling in sick that Monday. You had never called in sick before, at least you couldn’t remember doing so; recalling the multiple times you had ignored the fever in your body as you marched on to class. Not to mention that time you had the flu and still sat through your three hour long exam. — Were you really considering calling in sick over a mere guy. But it wasn’t just a guy, it was Choi Yeonjun. 

Regardless of the situation, you still went to school on Monday. But as soon as you stepped inside the classroom, you could tell that something was different. It was like the air had shifted. And as you made your way to the back of the room, carefully taking your seat, not a single one of your classmates bothered to pick on you. Instead they all occupied themselves with whatever they had in front of them. It was odd to say the least. 

In regular fashion, the classroom door swings open during the very last minute as Beomgyu saunters inside. Behind him follows Soobin and Yeonjun, both in the midst of a hushed conversation. You find your gaze instinctively lingering by Yeonjun’s tall frame, fingers twirling your pen mindlessly in your hand. It isn’t until you glance up and find his eyes already boring holes into your own, that you’re suddenly ripped from your trance. 

Yeonjun was looking at you. He was actually looking at you, no, he was glaring at you. The realization was enough to send your heart into a frenzy as you swallowed a gulp. His gaze is unwavering as he approaches his desk, still conversing with his friend, but his eyes remain entirely on you.  — Sweat builds on your forehead and you grip your pencil tightly. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t find yourself to break his gaze. You knew that you were giving him exactly what he wanted by letting his eyes practically tear you apart, so why couldn’t you pull away? 

It isn’t until the classroom door opens yet again that he puts out the fire he had momentarily created between the two of you, his eyes shifting toward board as your professor clears his throat, ready to begin today’s lecture. As his monotone voice fills the room, you breathe out a sigh of relief, glad to be out of his sight. 

He had to have known by now, the nasty looks he shot you throughout the day were more than telling. For someone who never even paid you as much as a second thought, it was most unusual for Yeonjun’s full attention to be directed toward you. Even during lunch, you could feel his eyes on you as he sat by his usual table. With Mimi on his lap and Beomgyu talking in his ear, his gaze still remained on your slumped figure as you focused on your plate of food. 

⸝⸝

Your professor had helped set up today’s session, but after that you would have to schedule them on your own. You were supposed to meet by the library, at 5:15pm that Monday. — You were there by 4:55. It took you about five minutes to pick a suitable table, not too close to the door, not in a corner somewhere, but also not in the center of the room, perhaps you were overthinking it. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Desperately you tried to calm your nerves as your trembling hands brought out your notebook and pencil case. 

By 5:15 you were ready, actually you had been ready for the past ten minutes. The small library had been vacant even when you arrived, you didn’t know if you felt relieved at the fact or not. — By 5:25 you started to think that he might not show up. Out of all possible scenarios fabricated in your way too creative brain, the one of him not even bothering to come hadn’t crossed your mind at all. What would you do then? Accept defeat? Tell your professor? Talk to him in class? Neither option seemed too appealing. 

It’s 5:32 when the doors creak open. Hesitantly, you lift your gaze as you watch Yeonjun’s eyes wander across the room, finally landing on you. His face morphed into a scowl and you felt your stomach drop. You notice that he hasn’t brought any study materials along with him and you bite the inside of your cheek. The short breath he lets go of echoes out into the silent library and then he marches toward you. — You don’t have time to think before he’s by your table, the palm of his hand slamming against the wood with such force that your pencils rattle, and you flinch. 

“Do you think this is some kind of sick joke?” He sounds agitated, his hot breath searing through his gritted teeth as his nostrils flared. Your once tense jaw falls open as your brows draw together in a confused frown. — “I mean, I knew you had a thing for me. But don’t you think this is going too far?” He sounds almost hysterical as a grin spreads across his lips. 

You felt color rushing to your cheeks at his words. Did he know? Could he tell by your small glances? But you thought you were being subtle. Yeonjun seems to be reading your mind as he runs a lazy hand through his hair, “oh come on now nerd, for someone so clever you really are quite oblivious.”

“Did you honestly think I wouldn’t notice the way you eye-fucked me every single opportunity you got?” He sneers, tilting his head to the side as he watches you with a cruel look of distaste. Your lips part but no words come out. So you shake your head, you didn’t know who you were trying to convince, him or yourself. “It wasn’t like that…” 

He scoffs, “no?” Suddenly his face is only inches from yours, and you had to force your gaze not to stray down to his lips as he spoke. “Then what is it?” He murmurs, so close that you could almost taste his words on your tongue. You swallow, hard. What was it? You didn’t know, you didn’t want to answer, he couldn’t make you answer, could he? 

His grin widens as a low chuckle rumbles in his chest. “No way”, he shakes his head as one of his hands grip the backrest of your chair, easily twisting you to face him fully. His previously cocky expression was replaced with a look of sympathy, his voice now laced with pity. 

“Don’t tell me you’ve got a little crush, nerd.” He spits the words out and you’re quick to shake your head, denying his blunt accusations. “I don’t”, you stammer, leaning back as far as your chair would allow you to. — “You’re telling me you’re doing this out of goodwill?” He asks as he tilts his head to the side. He hardly seems moved by your denial, but when you quietly nod his smug face turns into a snarl. “Do you think I’m stupid?” 

“What? No, no, no that’s not what I-” You stop yourself before getting another word out, it felt like no matter what you said, you only worsened the already sour situation. Yeonjun exhales, his warm breath slamming against your already hot face. He leans back, taking a seat on the edge of the table as his hands dig into the pockets of his uniform. Confused, you watch him as he silently gets comfortable. 

“What do you want then?” He finally asks and you blink up at him. “My number? Is that it?” He wonders as he fishes up his phone, unlocking it as he pulls up his contacts. You shake your head and he frowns, “then what?” — Your lips part and you motion toward the books in front of you, “just…”

“Don’t tell me you want me to fuck you, because that would be pathetic, even for you nerd.” 

His statement catches you so off guard that you almost hit your leg on the chair opposite your own. “What?” You whisper, unsure of the fact that you had even heard him correct. You knew that there was no such universe in which someone like Choi Yeonjun would ever view you in that way, so it felt almost bizarre to hear those words leave his lips so casually. 

He sighs as he gets up from the table, leaning down to become eye level with you once more. “I mean, I get that you’re desperate, believe me”, he lets his gaze drop to your chest for a brief second. “Looking like that, I’m sure it’s hard to get by”, he hums, and in that moment, you wished for the ground to swallow you whole. 

It had been a foolish idea to even consider doing this, even more to say yes. If you had only turned your professor’s offer down, none of this would have happened. Because in all honesty, if this was how Yeonjun looked at you, with such menace and fabricated pity, you think you preferred it when he paid your existence no mind. 

“But you’re lucky”, he murmurs before leaning even closer, his breath mingling with your own. Lucky? What a joke, you thought. — You flinch when you feel the light caress of his fingers on your shoulder as they slowly entangle themselves in your hair. “I’m feeling particularly nice today”, he smirks and your eyes involuntarily dart down to his perfectly plump and pink lips. “Besides”, he drawls, his hand moving to cup your cheek. 

“I’ve never fucked a nerd before.” 

You barely get the chance to second guess his words when Yeonjun presses his lips against yours. Immediately you freeze as your shoulders jerk up and your back curls against the chair. The hand on your cheek moves to your chin as he grabs ahold of your face, forcing his tongue inside your mouth and you let out a small shriek. — He hums against you, his eyes fluttering closed, lips moving on top of your unresponsive ones. 

A moment later he pulls back. “You kiss like a virgin”, he states as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. As soon as the words left his lips, he grins, “but I bet you are.” — Still too stunned to even speak after his sudden course of action, you merely shake your head as you glance between him and the floor. You weren’t a complete virgin, you did have a boyfriend back in high school. Not that the two of you ever went further than kissing though, and even then, his kisses were nothing like Yeonjun’s. 

Hesitantly you meet his gaze, swallowing down the nerves bubbling in your throat. “Come on now nerd”, he murmurs as his hands grip onto the armrests of your chair, large arms entrapping you against the old wood. “You’ve done it now haven’t you?” — “You got me here all to yourself, why don’t you use it to your advantage hm?” His eyes gleamed with mischief and you knew better than to trust his persuasive ways. Still you found it hard to do anything besides gawk at him, in utter disbelief of what was currently happening. 

Biting your lip, you let your eyes flit down to his parted lips, focusing a little too long on the sheer layer of saliva that coated them. Yeonjun is quick to pick up on the subtle shift in your focus and he chuckles. You clearly see the way he moves closer, but it still doesn’t register that he’s kissing you again until his tongue molds against your own. Despite your initial shock, you try your best to kiss him back this time. You knew that you were probably horrible, but even then, he didn’t say anything.

Your breath catches in your throat when his hand envelops one of your breasts, groping it softly. “Don’t tell me you’ve never had your tits touched?” He drawls, easily noting your uncertain approach. Your silence is almost deafening and the way you squirm when he pinches one of your nipples tells him everything he needs to know. With a small frown he pulls back, just enough for you to see his face. He looks conflicted, tongue prodding against the inside of his cheek as he runs a hand through his hair. “Fuck, you really are a virgin aren’t you?” He sounds almost…serious and you find yourself slowly nodding as you grip the hem of your skirt tightly. 

Yeonjun sighs and you hear him mutter something under his breath. His gaze snaps back to you and you can see the shift in his eyes once he settles on a decision. “Alright”, he states before quickly dropping to his knees. Baffled you follow his direct movement, shrieking as his hands on your knees part your legs. “We’ll start slow”, he hums as his fingers dance across the exposed skin of your thighs, your weak arms easily giving up when he pushes your skirt up. 

“No need to be nervous”, he reassures you as his fingers hook around the hem of your panties, “I’ve done this plenty of times.” With that, he tugs your underwear down, past your knees, letting them pool around your ankles before his attention shifts to your exposed core. Your legs close in an attempt to shield yourself from his invasive stare but Yeonjun only gruffs out a short breath as he breaks your knees apart once more. — When he doesn’t say anything you grow worried, clearing your throat awkwardly as you shift on the chair. You had never done anything like this before so you had no idea if his silence was a good or a bad thing. 

You don’t have to ponder for long as his fingers suddenly graze your folds. The touch was unexpected and you jolted forward as you tried to suppress the surprised noise threatening to escape. The smirk stretching across his lips only grows as Yeonjun basks in the way you react to his simple touch, you were far easier than any of the girls he’d been with. — “Ever had anyone touch you like this?” He asks, his voice a low murmur as his attention remains on his fingers sliding against your cunt, gathering the slick that formed as he smeared it all over you. 

Meekly you shake your head, breathing out a small “no.” He seems satisfied with your answer, his ego inflating by the minute as he watches you writher under his small touches. Everything still felt so surreal, there was no way that this was actually happening, was it? You’re reminded of all the times you had watched him from afar, sneaking shy glances at him during class, before and after school, in the cafeteria, where he sat with his friends and…and his girlfriend. The reminder is enough to pull you from whatever euphoric state that transpired within your body as you jerked away from his touch. 

Yeonjun’s eyes snap to you with a hint of curiosity and you bite the inside of your cheek, drawing in a small breath before daring to speak. “M-Mimi… w-what about her?” — He groans, a frustrated groan, and you wonder if you overstepped. “Nerd, someone like you, doesn’t count as cheating, got it?” He holds your gaze, speaking clearly, as if giving instructions to a toddler. He grins, a menacing grin, “besides, shouldn’t you be happy? I’m giving you what your perverted little mind has craved since you first stepped foot here.” Sheepishly you nod, heat rushing to your cheeks at the blunt statements he made. 

Choi Yeonjun was bold, his words were harsh, and a lot of times they hurt. For some reason that made you like him even more. 

“Now stop asking obvious questions”, he grunts as his hands trail along your thighs, pulling you forward on the chair, ignoring the way you squeal when he nuzzles his face between your legs. — It felt far from what it looked like in the movies, or even in porn. Yeonjun's hot breath against your core, his tongue dragging across your folds, it made the hairs on the back of your neck stand and you gasped as he flicked your clit. 

It was almost impossible to control the way your thighs twitched, squishing either side of his head as you fought to remain composed. A small whine left your lips as he latched on to your sensitive flesh, licking and sucking on it as if it was the only thing he was capable of doing. You barely register the way one of his hands grab onto your trembling ones, guiding them to his hair as he hums against your cunt. “Don’t be so awkward”, he mutters, his tongue dwelling deep inside of you, eliciting a moan from you as your fingers immediately twist in his dark locks. 

Never in a million years had you thought that the study session that you had been far too eager to agree to would turn into something like this. And that Choi Yeonjun of all people would be the first one to see such a part of you. — You didn’t know if it was such a good thing. But it was impossible to form a single coherent thought with him between your legs, mouth falling open in surprise as his nose bumps up against your clit. He doesn’t seem to mind when you push yourself further onto his face, practically grinding your hips on his mouth as small noises of pleasure ripped from deep within your throat. You were thankful that the library had been vacant for hours. 

“Y-Yeonjun!” His name falls from your lips without registering in your brain beforehand and you almost slap a hand over your mouth as realization washes over you. Yeonjun on the other hand, only chuckles, the sound sending vibrations against your sensitive cunt and you whimper as he withdraws his tongue from within you. — A somewhat familiar sensation bubbled in the depths of your stomach. It wasn’t like you hadn’t had an orgasm before, but the occurrence was rare, you didn’t exactly spend much time with yourself like that. 

His name is pulled from your chest once more and his grip on your thighs tighten. “You got something to say, nerd?” He wonders without leaning away from you, hot mouth working against your throbbing core as he draws moans and whines from you. “C-close..” you mumble, feeling your cheeks redden at the small statement, and you were suddenly glad that he was unable to see your flustered face. 

“Cum on my face then, bet you’ve never done that before.” 

The comment was mean, possibly even degrading, but it still made you clench incoherently around nothing as you released against his waiting lips. To your surprise, he doesn’t immediately pull away, his face remaining between your legs as he laps up the aftermath of your orgasm, drinking in the taste of you with a small satisfied groan. — And when he does finally tear himself from your sore cunt, you can barely look him in the eyes, ashamed at what had just transpired between the two of you. Yeonjun doesn’t seem affected in the slightest, his thumb wiping away the sticky fluids on his chin before popping them in his mouth. The sight should not have made you throb but it did and you bit your lip. 

Without warning, he suddenly gets up as he dusts off his pants. “W-where are you going?” You’re unable to stop yourself from asking. He shoots you a glance that says ‘well isn’t it obvious?’ He sighs, frustrated by your blunt obliviousness, “our session is over, isn’t it?” 

You blink at him, still recovering from your climax as you pull your panties back on. “But the study-” — “You’ve got what you wanted, haven’t you?” He states as he stares down at you, much like he had on your first day, and your words suddenly fall short as you meet his gaze. Shaking his head, a small chuckle escaped his lips, “I’ll see you tomorrow, nerd.” 

The last thing you hear are the library doors slamming shut before the room is enveloped in a deafening silence once more.   

⸝⸝

Everything had returned to normal the following Tuesday. You could barely wrap your head around it. The snarky comments were back, the pestering stares, whatever had roamed the air yesterday seemed to have completely vanished and you were left dumbfounded. — There was only one exceptionally different thing. Choi Yeonjun.

Part of you had hoped that he wouldn’t come to class, but that was a foolish thought. You hear him before you see him, or rather, you hear Beomgyu’s obnoxiously loud voice echoing off the hallways as The Choi’s approach. The classroom falls into a hushed murmur as the door swings open and the three of them enter. — You had told yourself that you would avoid him at all costs. That meant not speaking to him, not looking at him, not even glancing in the same direction as him. 

You found it to be very hard. But the shame over what had happened not even 24 hours prior kept your gaze trained to the pages of your notebook. Not even as he pulled out his chair, making an agonizingly scraping noise that cut through the otherwise quiet room, did your eyes stray from the words in front of you, rereading them over and over as you tried to get your brain to register them. — You lasted approximately two minutes. 

One small peek his way confirmed your every fear. Leaning back in his chair, Yeonjun paid you no mind as he scrolled through his phone, one of his hands rubbing the back of his neck as he did. He acted…just like he usually did, as if nothing had happened between the two of you. For a moment you had worried that he would tell everyone, that was a shame you wouldn’t be able to bear. But perhaps he was trying to spare his own reputation, you could only hope he would keep quiet. Did he regret it? Probably. Why wouldn’t he? 

What was perhaps even worse than his indifferent mannerism toward you was when Mimi greeted him with a kiss. Flinging her arms around his neck, she pulls him close as she practically shoves her tongue down his throat. Beomgyu makes a vile comment before turning to Soobin but besides that, no one else paid them much mind. Except you. The guilt was eating you alive, and you weren’t even the one who had cheated. What would happen if she found out, would she break up with him? Surely she would find a way to put the entire blame on you. You did not dare think of how miserably you would be treated if she found out. It couldn’t happen. You would have to talk to Yeonjun about it, one way or another. 

But how? 

You tried approaching him at lunch, but you only managed one step in his direction before you chickened out. Then you tried again before English, this time you made it halfway before Soobin swooped in right in front of you, his tall frame covering Yeonjun completely from view and you sighed. Your last shot was after gym. As everyone ventured toward the locker rooms you trailed behind, Yeonjun had, too, stayed to talk with your professor but just as you were about to approach, a tap on your shoulder freezes you in place. 

“The hell are you staring at, nerd?” Beomgyu’s voice is filled with distaste as he eyes your sweaty figure, his nose turning up in disgust. Stunned, you fumble for words as your eyes dart between him and Yeonjun, just a few paces away. “N-nothing I was just…” — “Just leaving, right?” He cocks an eyebrow at you and you quickly nod. “Y-Yeah”, you squeak out before rushing off. Why did his friends never stray from his side? It made things so difficult. 

You were always the last one to leave the changing rooms. Hiding away in the bathroom, you waited for the other girls to finish before you dared to venture out and get changed yourself. It had become somewhat of a routine, not that it was particularly comfortable, but as it was your last lesson of the day, you weren't in any rush. — Whilst you get dressed, your mind concludes with a ton of ideas to approach Yeonjun. It would have to be when there was no one else around, before or after school seemed like your best bet. The only remaining problem was his friends, who seemed to be glued to his side. 

Grabbing your bag, you walk over to the exit as you think of a way to get him alone. But as the door to the locker room closes behind you, it seems your problems have solved themselves for you. 

“What took you so long?” 

Yeonjun’s sharp voice startles you and you almost drop the bag in your hands as your head snaps in his direction. Leaning against the wall, his own gym bag swung over his shoulder, Yeonjun studies you with an indifferent expression plastered across his face. Your mouth falls open as you peer down the empty hallway, completely at loss for words. “Y-you waited for me?” You splutter as your attention shifts back to him. 

He purses his lips as he clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth, “yes, but I’m starting to regret it.” — “Do you always take this long?” His voice is laced with annoyance and you swallow as you shake your head. “I- I mean I…I didn’t know you were waiting I..” 

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter.” He waves your meek explanation off as he shifts against the wall. Still confused on why he was even here in the first place, you bite your tongue as you wait for him to speak first. But out of everything he could’ve said to you, you had not expected the next words that were to come out of his mouth. 

“When’s our next study session?”

What? He wanted to have another study session? You had been prepared to confront him about yesterday, to tell him, no beg him, to keep quiet. Yet he was asking for another session? You were sure he could read the bewilderment on your face as his lips drew into a grin. “N-next session?” You gawk out as your mouth repeatedly opens and closes. He rolls his eyes before huffing out a short breath of air, “yes our next session, we never settled on a date.” — Well you didn’t think he wanted to, you had planned on telling your professor that the whole ordeal had been unsuccessful but here he was, asking for a redo? 

Was it a good idea to say yes? Considering how last time had played out, the answer was probably not. — “I- I’m free whenever.” But you obviously were very bad at listening to your gut instincts. However the smile that spread across his face made it all worth it, you felt your heart speeding up at the endearing sight. “Perfect”, he chimes, “then we’ll do tomorrow 5:30.” You nod but before you can get another word out he adds, “third floor, room 291.” 

Would you guys not be studying in the library? Despite your slight uneasiness, you nod, “alright.” — “Make sure no one sees you on the way there, and don’t be late.” He warns before turning on his heel and walking off. You were left stunned as you leaned against the wall, still gripping your bag tightly in your hands as you tried to process what had just happened. 

⸝⸝

Wednesday rolls around, the day progresses just like any other would. But something feels different, you feel different. It’s a different kind of excitement, bubbling in the pits of your stomach. You had barely gotten any sleep last night, which was a warning sign on its own because you always made sure to get 8 hours. But you don’t feel tired, not in the slightest. And as the last bell of the day rings, you hurry to the bathroom. 

You never fussed over your appearance, far too busy with having a book stuck under your nose. But today felt different, sure the two of you were just studying, it didn’t mean that you couldn’t make an effort if you wanted to look nice, right? 

The sound of bathroom stalls slamming behind you shifts your attention to a group of girls passing by. They all stop as they watch you apply a clear gloss to your lips, their noses scrunching up in disgust. “What’s gotten into that freak?” One of them mutters as she makes a move toward you, only to be stopped by one of her friends. “Don’t, you might get contaminated”, she sneers and the small group burst out into a fit of giggles. — Holding back a small sigh, you ignore them as you wait for them to leave before daring to do the same. 

Your shoes echo off the now almost empty hallways, it was late enough to where few students lingered behind. Still unfamiliar with the building, you made your way to the third floor. You took no classes here and you had to rely on the numbered doors in order to find 291. It takes a while but soon you’re standing in front of it. 

Your hands tremble as you hurriedly glance down the hallway, making sure no one saw you. When your gaze returns to the door you realize that it was a lot smaller than the others, its red paint standing out amongst the otherwise beige ones. That was odd. Yet you push any concerns aside as you reach out to twist the handle. 

Upon stepping inside you quickly realize that this was not a classroom. The room was small, crowded shelves pushed up against all walls, displaying a large range of items, from old books to tools such as screwdrivers and wrenches. Your eyes scan across the multitude of contents as your mind tries to piece together the scene before you. 

“You’re awfully punctual”, Yeonjun drawls as he emerges from a shadowed corner. You jump as you turn to him with a confused frown, “what’s this?” — He grins, his hands digging deep into his pockets as he leans against one of the shelves, “this is where our study sessions will be taking place from now on”, he explains as he motions for you to have a look around. From now on? But there was hardly room to study here, was there? 

Quickly noting your perplexed expression, Yeonjun’s grin widens. “Well come on now, nerd. You didn’t actually think I was planning on sitting down and doing algebra with you?” Your frown deepens, lips parting as your eyes dart between him and the cramped space. “But what…then why are we here?” You ask as you readjust the rather heavy bag on your shoulder. —  He chuckles, shaking his head as he takes a step forward, that single step is enough to get him right in front of you, his chest dangerously close to yours. His hand slides up your arm, reaching your shoulder as he hooks two fingers under the strap holding your bag. “Use that clever little brain of yours for something other than your studies, and maybe you will start to see the bigger picture.” 

Your bag hits the floor with a thud as Yeonjun’s hand returns to your shoulder, fingers twiddling the collar of your blouse as he waits for the wheels in your head to finally turn. And when they do, you glance up at him, your eyes wide with realization. “Yeonjun I… I don’t know…” Your eyes flit toward the door, mind altering between your options, stay or go, stay or go, stay or– 

“Tell me now.” 

His voice is calm and his posture remains stoic as he peers down at you. “I’m not about to waste my time on a loser like you if you’re not even into it.” He sneers as his hand lets go of your collar, pushing you back, only slightly, but enough for you to hit the shelf behind you. Was he seriously asking for your opinion right now, for your consent? Choi Yeonjun was willing to spend time on you, with you. The news were hard to melt and you found yourself awkwardly gazing up at him as your mind fumbled for an answer. 

“What’s it going to be, nerd?” He tsk’s before leaning forward, one of his hands resting on the shelf next to your face as he cages you against it. Briefly you considered turning back, walking away, to return to your otherwise dull life as you watched him from afar. You remembered Mimi, his girlfriend, the guilt and shame, suddenly it came crashing down all over again. But you also remembered his words: “someone like you, doesn’t count as cheating”. Had he really meant that? If not, why else would he be here right now? 

In the end, you nod. “O-Okay”, your voice comes out as a small peep and you curse yourself for not controlling it better. The smug smirk that immediately crawled onto his face should have been a waving warning flag, yet you ignore it, too caught up in the way his eyes darted to your lips, eyeing the clear coat of gloss you’d previously applied. His thumb swipes across the sticky substance. “I was about to tell you not to disappoint me”, he murmurs before pulling your lip down, “but I can already tell that you won’t.” 

Your heart swelled at the small praise, and you leaned into his touch. You hear him scoff at your blunt advances, his lips twitching as he eyes your eager figure. “You virgins really are gullible.” — He presses his mouth against yours, making you gasp in surprise as your pupils blow wide. In what you guessed to be an attempt at loosening you up, his hands roam up and down your sides, settling on your waist as he pushes himself closer, grinding his hips against yours. 

You had no clue of what to focus on, his tongue in your mouth, his hands on your waist, or the way his thigh pushed between your legs, rubbing against your panties in a way that had you practically squealing. — You knew that he was enjoying the reactions he pulled from you, ever so sensitive to his smallest of touches. It’s not long before his hand is on your thigh, gradually moving along your skin before reaching the hem of your underwear. He pushes the fabric to the side, fingers sliding across your already pathetically wet folds before finding your clit, as if they had done this a hundred times.

The moans you emit are all swallowed by his hungry lips on yours as he lets you grind yourself onto his hand. None of the previous hesitation you had felt during your session in the library was present in your mind, all you could think about was how good he felt, how you didn't want him to stop, and how you wanted more, a lot more. 

“More.” 

You can feel him smirk against you, your desperate whine ringing out into the hot air. — “Yeah?” He muses before pulling back, his lips are coated in your clear gloss, the sight was strangely enticing and you find yourself nibbling on your own lip as you sheepishly nod. He chuckles, pressing his lips against yours whilst he hikes your leg around his waist, the small adjustment bringing you even closer to him, and as you feel the hard bulge through his pants, reality slowly sets in. 

But you can’t stop now, you don’t want to. The sound of him undoing his zipper becomes a muffled noise somewhere in the background as your arms wrap around his neck, clinging to him in every way possible. — He breaks the kiss, confused, your eyes flutter open as you try and peer at him in the dim light of the storage room. You briefly catch him tearing a small package open with his teeth and for a moment you’re left completely dumbfounded before realizing that it must’ve been a condom. 

People wore condoms for one of two reasons, either they were avoiding knocking someone up, or they were afraid of catching diseases. But what disease could you possibly be carrying? So that would mean… You don’t have time to ponder on the matter further as you feel the tip of his cock against your folds. Immediately your eyes shoot open as your hands grip onto his shoulders. Suddenly everything seemed very real, perhaps a little too real. 

“Tell me if it hurts”, he murmurs, his forehead leaning against your own and you meekly nod. Was it supposed to hurt? You draw in a sharp breath as you feel him slowly push inside, the stretch of his fingers had been nothing compared to this and you felt completely unprepared. His movements come to an abrupt halt as he leans back to gauge your reaction with a wary expression. Quickly nodding, you loosen your grip on his shoulders, breathing out a small “‘m fine.” 

“Yeah?” He wonders and you nod once more. Only when he’s fully inside, do you dare let out the breath you had been holding in; feeling your body relax against his. “You feelin’ okay?” His genuine question catches you off guard and you give a small nod of assurance. “Y-Yeah I am..” — He smirks, then he captures your lips in a small kiss, the gesture distracts you from the moment he begins to move, gently rocking his hips into you and you gasp against his mouth. 

“Fuck”, he grunts. With one hand around your waist and the other maintaining a steady grip on the shelf behind you, he slowly thrusts inside of you. “Are all virgins this tight?” He murmurs, the question was rhetorical and he doesn’t give you the chance to answer, “or is it just you nerd?” — “I bet it is.” He sounds menacing but his ragged breathing makes it hard for you to tell if he’d really meant it or not. 

The items on the shelf rattle as his pace grows quicker, harsher, drawing moans and whimpers from you with every move his hips, cock stretching you wide as you claw against his shoulders. He leans back, enough to where he can watch the way your lips part, your now smudged gloss spread across your cheeks and chin as you whine. His gaze drops to your chest, fingers quickly beginning to work on the buttons that concealed you from him. Flicking them open one by one, Yeonjun’s hand quickly tears your blouse apart, eyes darting to your plump breasts as they bounced in rhythm with his movement. 

“You’ve got some nice tits for a nerd”, he muses, his hand groping your chest as his thumb flicks along your covered nipple. Feeling your cheeks redden, you only moan as he draws deeper inside of you, the tip of his cock brushing against parts of you that made you squirm. — Yeonjun made you think of yourself, see yourself, in ways you never had before, and it was exciting. 

“Has anyone ever told you that, hm?” He sneers, his hand pushing your breasts together as he watches the flesh squish against one another, groaning at the sight. Unable to form a single coherent thought, much less a full sentence, you merely shake your head. “Well you do. You got some of the nicest tits I’ve ever seen.” He grunts, hips snapping against you. The compliment makes you throb around him, your orgasm approaching at a rapid pace and your fairly short nails dig into his shoulders. 

“P-Please”, you wail and Yeonjun rolls his eyes, letting out a gruff sigh. “Thought you would last longer than this, nerd.” — “But don’t worry”, he murmurs, leaning in close as his lips trail the shell of your ear, “it comes with practice.” He moves down your neck, prepping your skin in soft kisses before he pulls it between his teeth. 

You whimper when his thumb rubs at your clit, legs trembling around his waist as your hands move to his hair, fingers threading through his dark locks before securely latching on. It doesn’t take much for your high to hit, your cunt clenching down around his cock as it pulls him in further. — Yeonjun curses under his breath as his hips jerk forward before stuttering. In the pure ecstasy of the moment, you roughly pull his face from your neck as you crash your lips against his. You knew that it was messy, sloppy and uncalculated, but you didn’t care as long as you got to feel him this close to you. 

You hear him sigh, you can’t tell if he’s content or not. But a moment later he breaks the kiss, gazing at you with a clouded expression as a small grin tugs at his mouth. He bites his lip, eyes dropping to your chest one final time before he pulls out, making you wince at the sudden feel of emptiness. — “Not too bad for a first timer”, he comments as he rids himself off the condom. You open your mouth to say something but he beats you to it. 

“Same time Friday, got it?”   

⸝⸝

Your study sessions with Yeonjun became a regular thing, and every instance was just like the former. They would take place after school, in room 291, shielded away from prying eyes as he had his way with you. You were there, at his every beck and call, never once showing up late nor canceling. — It was both thrilling and excruciating. You knew that whatever transpired between the two of you was nothing personal and only temporary. Yet you couldn’t help but long for something more; you longed for Yeonjun to like you back. 

It was probably a selfish thought, a selfish fantasy. But the images of Mimi flashing before your eyes, which had previously filled you with both dread and guilt, were suddenly replaced with a feeling of superiority. Because even if she didn’t know it, her boyfriend fucked someone else on the side, her boyfriend was cheating on her, with you. And it felt good. Often you had to hold yourself back from letting said fact slip past your lips. The scenarios would sometimes look something like this… 

“Watch where you’re going, nerd.” Mimi spits after purposefully crashing into you in an almost empty hallway that provided more than enough room for two parties to pass. Her friends turn to you with a scowl as they fold their arms across their chests. Your eyes dart between them and their vengeful leader before flitting down the long corridor, down to where The Choi’s were hanging out. 

Making the mistake of letting your gaze linger, garners her attention as Mimi snaps her fingers in front of your face. “What the fuck are you looking at nerd?” She barks as her eyes follow yours. She scoffs, her lips curling into a smirk, “do you think my boyfriend looks good or something?” Her question rips your attention back as you feverishly shake your head. — Mimi only laughs, her friends quickly joining in as she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

“It’s okay, I don’t blame you, really.” She tries to appear nice, perhaps even pitiful, but the malicious intent behind her words linger. You shake your head once more, “no I wasn’t I..” She holds up a finger to silence you, “come on now, it’s obvious. Everyone knows you have a thing for him.” She practically giggles as she covers her painted lips with a hand. Your cheeks feel as if they were on fire, your gaze dropping to your shoes as you bite the inside of your cheek. 

“But don’t worry”, she leans closer, her breath, which reeked of the strawberry bubblegum she always chewed, fans across your face. “You’re not exactly his type.” 

The statement almost made you scoff. Not his type? Was that what it was? You briefly considered telling her, telling her what her boyfriend was doing behind her back, and with the school nerd at that. The one girl she thought she didn’t have to worry about. It was almost a bit comedic. But you held your tongue. No matter how bad you wanted to crush whatever illusion she had going on, you couldn’t. Besides, Yeonjun would probably just deny it, and who would believe you?

Speaking of Choi Yeonjun. — He had become almost insufferable outside of your sessions. From barely looking at you in class to bringing attention to you at almost every possible second, Yeonjun was now the sole epitome of the bullying you endured. Whether it was the nasty and mean comments he shared with Beomgyu, his words echoing out through the classroom as he brought the whole class to laughter. Or the multiple times in which he’d trip you over in the hallways, undoubtedly peeking up your skirt as he did, but of course, no one noticed that, and if they did, they didn’t fault him. 

Choi Yeonjun did nothing wrong. He never did. So when he invites you to a party, your very first one, you don't know what to say. 

“Think about it”, he huffs as he zips his pants back up. The air in the small storage unit felt hot and stuffy, your clothes sticking to your sweaty body as you pulled your panties on. “I don’t know..” you quietly murmur, glancing down toward the dark floor as you twist your hands behind your back. — Yeonjun sighs, running a hand through his hair before he tries again. “Why not? Don’t tell me you’re scared.” 

You shake your head. “I’m not. But…I don’t know anyone, I don’t… I can’t just show up there.” You argue before swallowing the lump in your throat. It had been an outright baffling proposal on his side. What would people think if you just turned up? — “Tell them I invited you, they’ll let you in.” You blink up at him, was he being for real right now? 

“Y-You?” He nods, as if it was a given. “Make sure to wear something half decent at least.” He says, giving your shoulder a pat before he pushes past you and out of the small room, leaving you in the dark once more. 

⸝⸝

Something half decent? What was something, half decent? You didn’t know, and it took you about an hour to pick out a dress you thought would be suitable. It wasn’t particularly short, stopping at your knees, the dark purple complimented your skin nice, you thought. But it felt uncomfortable to walk in, and with one hand wrapped around the fabric, you pull it down as you near the driveway of a large villa. 

Your eyes flit across the scenery, it was dark out, but the house remained lit despite the late hour. Music was playing, loud enough to where the beat echoed out across the empty street. Swallowing a gulp, you run a hand through your styled hair one final time before daring to step inside.

Immediately you’re greeted by a large number of perplexed eyes, everyone slowly turning to you as you venture further into the villa, reaching the filled kitchen space. “What’s she doing here?” “Did someone invite her?” “I can’t believe she would actually show up.” — You cringe at their remarks, trying your best to ignore them as your eyes scan for Yeonjun. What if he wasn’t here? What if this had all been a ploy to draw you out and humiliate you further. You shouldn’t have come here, you really should– 

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

Mimi’s harsh voice snaps you from your small trance as she immediately corners you. Freezing on the spot, your hands curl into fists as you turn to her. Desperate for a way to defend yourself, to explain the situation, or to just escape all together, your mind spirals with excuses. Your lips part but you can’t seem to get a single syllable out. “Come on nerd, I asked you a question.” She huffs, growing impatient as she takes a step forward, her chest almost touching yours. 

“I’m…I..” Could you really tell her that her boyfriend invited you? Would she believe you? No, of course not, no one would. You bite the inside of your cheek, eyes flitting across the crowded kitchen. — “Did you come here to make a scene or something? I mean come on, you’re not even a senior.” Her comment makes everyone hum in agreement as they nod, some even sharing a couple of laughs. 

She was right, and even if she wasn’t, it wouldn’t matter. You stood no chance against anyone in this room. Tears prickle in the corner of your eyes and for the first time since you came here, you actually felt like crying. Taking in a small breath, you slowly exhale again. “Well I…” 

“I invited her.” 

Your heart practically froze over as Yeonjun’s voice cut through the tense air. Quiet murmurs carry out through the room as everyone redirects their attention. Somewhere in front of you, you can hear Mimi scoff as she takes a small step back. “What?” She questions and you finally dare to lift your gaze, your eyes immediately locking with Yeonjun’s as he leans against the kitchen island, seemingly unbothered by the small uproar taking place. 

Mimi on the other hand seemed to be fuming as she glanced between her boyfriend and you. “What do you mean you invited her?” She seethes, her voice laced with hatred and spite. Yeonjun shrugs as he digs his hands into his pockets, an indifferent look on his face. “Come on now, loosen up a little. It’s our responsibility as her seniors to take good care of her, don’t you agree?” He lets his gaze wander across the multiple eyes directed at him, everyone seeming to break under his stare as they quietly nod. 

He cocks an eyebrow in the direction of his girlfriend, “then there’s no problem, hm?” Mimi’s mouth had fallen open as she watched him win everyone over within a matter of seconds. Though quickly regaining her composure as she nods, muttering out a quiet, “whatever”, before she pushes past you with such force that you almost lose your balance.

Yeonjun sighs as he moves off the countertop, placing a hand on Beomgyu’s shoulder, “get her something to drink won’t you?” His friend frowns, “why me?” But Yeonjun doesn’t pay him any further mind as he, too, takes his leave, most likely in search of his raging girlfriend. 

As soon as he leaves, the previous tension seems to lift as everyone returns to whatever conversation they had been preoccupied with earlier. You breathe out a small sigh as you wrap your arms around you, leaning against the kitchen island as you keep your gaze down. — A drink is shoved in front of you, it’s reddish hue making you frown as you gingerly take it from Beomgyu’s outstretched hand. “T-Thanks”, you mumble as you grip the plastic cup tightly. 

You’re surprised when he doesn’t leave, instead he groans as he takes place beside you, resting his hands on the countertop behind him. “Y’know I really don’t understand why he invited you of all people.” He begins and you can feel his eyes roam your body with distaste. Swallowing, you quietly nod as you sip on the drink, it wasn’t at all as bitter as you had expected it to be, rather it tasted kind of sweet. 

“I…I don’t know either”, you shyly mumble, keeping the cup to your lips as you occupy yourself with gazing down at the liquid swirling around. Beomgyu scoffs as he shakes his head, “Of course you don’t. No one knows what’s going on in that thick skull of his.” — His words came out…almost insulting, and you wondered why he chose to speak in such a way about his friend. 

“You’ve got some guts though, I’ll give you that.” He states, running a hand through his messy hair as his eyes fixate on something in front of him. Surprised at the sudden almost compliment-like statement, you glance up at him in sheer bewilderment. “Not many people in your shoes would’ve come here”, he adds as he gives you a quick one-over. “No offense y’know, but you kinda look…” His nose scrunches up in what you could only guess to be disgust and you bite the inside of your cheek as your gaze drops to your dress. 

“O-Oh yeah…I guess.” 

Beomgyu chuckles, “My, are you gullible.” You internally wince at his words, a small grimace flickering across your face as you take another sip of your drink. You can feel his eyes on you as Beomgyu studies you closely, a little too close. “Y’know, maybe I do understand why he invited you”, he sniggers, pushing himself off the kitchen island, he leaves without saying another word. 

Left confused and yet again, alone, you chew on the plastic of your cup as you wonder how long you would have to stay before it would become appropriate to leave. 

⸝⸝

You think an hour had passed, it felt like three. Back pressed against the wall of the open-spaced living room, your eyes roam the makeshift dance floor as you watch the way your classmates enjoy their evening together. Your presence had soon become old news and after your first encounter, Mimi had left you alone, and so did everyone else. You were thankful, you supposed. But you still didn’t know why Yeonjun had invited you, much less why you had even decided to show up. Because right now, he was nowhere to be seen. 

You think that you might be able to just sneak out, leave, go home and forget that this evening ever took place. This wasn’t for you, that much you could tell. You would face the embarrassment come Monday, but today, now, all you wanted to do was evaporate. 

Standing up a bit straighter, you tug your dress down once more, preparing to leave. It’s only then he makes an appearance. It’s quick, so much so that if it weren’t for the subtle tap to your forearm, you would’ve probably missed him as he passed you by. Your eyes follow Yeonjun’s retreating frame as he aims for the staircase, leading to the second floor. Before climbing the first step, he throws a quick glance over his shoulder, eyes finding yours as he flashes you a small smirk. 

You gulp as you watch him disappear again. Nervously chewing on your bottom lip, your gaze flits across the room, no one was looking at you. Still you wait another five minutes before aiming for the stairs as well. Each step forward made your legs feel like jelly and you steadied yourself against the railing. 

The second floor consists of a long hallway, with doors either side of it, reaching down to at least four of them. Your heartbeat picks up at the thought of having to push all of them open as you carefully peeked inside. But your attention is drawn to the third one on the right, slightly ajar as a yellow light seeps through its cracks. Hesitantly you venture forward, coming to a halt in front of it as you debate your next move. Did you knock? Call out for him? Was he even there? Maybe you were seeing things. There was only one way to find out was there? 

Mustering up whatever courage you have left, you gently push the door open. The room is… a bedroom. A small onesize bed, pushed up against the window alongside the empty bedside table, tells you that it’s most likely a guest room. Your eyes flit to the armchair in the corner, widening as they land on Yeonjun’s figure, sprawled out against the cushion, a hand down his pants as he lazily strokes himself. He watches you with a faint smirk, his head leaning back against the backrest, eyes half lidded as they peer over at you. 

What was going on? You glance back and out into the hallway, afraid that someone, anyone, might walk by. What if Mimi came looking for him? But you were almost certain he’d meant for you to follow him. Quickly you shut the door behind you, locking it for good measure. Yeonjun watches your hurried movements with an amused expression, the hand on his cock unwavering.

“W-What’s all this?” You quietly wonder, willing your eyes to look anywhere but him, anywhere but the hand down his trousers. He doesn’t say anything, lifting his free hand, his index finger beckons you over and you hesitantly comply. Stopping by the chair, you awkwardly clasp your hands together in front of you as you wait for him to break the stale silence. 

“You look nice tonight.” He finally says, his voice seemingly indifferent as he shamelessly lets his gaze roam your body, stopping at the slight cleavage your dress provided. In the dim light casted by only a small lamp on the drawer next to him, you were unsure if he could make out the blush coating your cheeks or not. “Thank you..” 

He hums, readjusting himself on the soft cushions as his legs spread further apart. It takes everything in you not to let your gaze drop. For a moment everything is quiet, and you wonder why he had even bothered to get you up here in the first place. But then he sighs, the small exhale easily garnering your attention as you shift on the spot. 

“Have you ever blown someone before?” 

He asks the question as if it were any other and you feel the color on your cheeks intensifying. He can’t just ask someone something like that…But then again, there was little Choi Yeonjun couldn’t do. Part of you doesn’t understand why he even bothered to ask, wasn’t it obvious? Another part of you suspects that he wants to hear you admit it, wants to see you get flustered as you shake your head, squeaking out a meek “no, never.” 

That’s exactly what you do. — He smirks, a wide smirk, exposing his sharp teeth as his free hand grabs onto one of your own. You let him pull you to your knees, the soft carpet beneath your bare skin felt nice but it was hard to focus on anything but the bulge in front of your face, the movement of his hand visible through the material of his pants. 

“I’ll teach you”, he mumbles, letting go of your hand as he pushes your hair back, gaze wandering across the light makeup you had applied, lingering by the cherry red lipstick on your lips. You slowly nod, hands gripping onto the hem of your dress with such force that you’re surprised it doesn’t tear. 

Without further warning he leans back, swiftly pulling his cock free from his jeans as he continues to stroke it, now only inches from your face. Sure you and Yeonjun had hooked up before, in the darkness of the small storage unit, in places where you never paid his dick much attention apart from when it was inside of you. This was the first time you actually saw it, you think, and this close too. 

Your jaw goes slack as your eyes trail across the large veins climbing up his shaft, coated in a sheer layer of arousal, seeping through his fingers as they wrapped around the length of it. Gulping, you eye the tip, a bright red hue as droplets of precum spilled from the slit. You would be lying if you said that the sight didn’t make your thighs clench together. — Obviously enjoying your stunned response, Yeonjun groans as he gives himself a particularly harsh tug, making your eyes widen further as they flicker from his cock to his face and back again. 

“Come here”, he directs you to scoot forward and you do, offering your hand for him to take as he guides it to wrap around his shaft. He felt hard and heavy in your palm, and you bite your lip as you try to gauge his reaction. Letting his hand drop to his sides, Yeonjun sinks back against the cushion as he peers down at you. “Start slow, don’t use too much pressure but don’t be afraid to touch me. I’ll tell you when you can speed up.” He instructs as he lets his head fall back, getting comfortable as he pays you little mind. 

Your attention returns to his cock in your hand, doing as he said, you slowly let your palm glide up and down, fingers quickly becoming coated in the shiny layer of his arousal. You can’t tell if he likes it or not, he gives little reaction as he stares up at the ceiling. You want to ask him, you want him to reassure you, but it feels stupid to ask, and you hate feeling stupid. 

His hand joins in on top of your own, guiding your fingers to his tip, which you had purposefully avoided as you didn’t know how to approach it. “Flick your wrist like this”, he murmurs, letting your palm glide over the head before returning to stroke him. He only shows you once before his hand moves back to his side. But you can tell that he’s watching you now, eyes tailing your every movement as you repeat what he had just showed you, rolling your hand over his tip, drawing a small huff of air from him. 

“Use your thumb”, he breathes, and your gaze flickers to his face in slight confusion before catching on. The next time you twist your wrist over his head, you press the surface of your thumb against the slit. He shudders under you, a small groan passing his lips and your heart speeds up at the small confirmation you just received. It managed to boost your confidence enough to where you gripped him more firmly, experimentally squeezing his cock, just like he had done moments prior, relishing in the way his breath hitched. 

“You can go -f-fuck- faster.” He grunts, his hands sliding against the armrests of the chair, fingers digging into the plush cushion. Quickly nodding, you’re happy to oblige, repeating your previous movements but with an increased pace as your eyes dart between his leaking dick and his slightly contorted face. 

When he first twitches in your hand, you’re taken back. Surprised by the sudden movement yet you felt yourself throb as you tugged at him even harsher, wanting to pull that very same reaction from him once more. — He’s stopped guiding you, biting down on the inside of his cheek as he tries to muffle whatever noises threaten to escape. You don’t mind, in fact it only spurred you on further as you flicked your wrist over his flushed tip once more. 

His hips buck up against your hand as he lets out a strangled noise. His hand quickly finds its way to your hair, brushing it back as he breathes out through his nose. “Fuck, slow down”, he mutters, tugging at your hair as he forces your face up to meet his, “I’ll cum before you’ve even blown me at this rate.” The statement made your chest swell with pride, still, your hand slows down as you settle back into a more languid pace. 

He takes a moment to open his eyes, drawing in a few ragged breaths before he does. The hand in your hair moves to your face, cupping your cheeks as he pulls you closer, the tip of his cock merely inches from your lips and you swallow. “Relax”, he says, fingers pulling your mouth open and you let him. “Breathe through your nose, and don’t use your teeth.” — You slowly nod, your hands bracing themselves on his thighs as he taps his cock against your parted lips, smearing his arousal all over your cherry lipstick. 

He pushes inside slowly, you wince at the stretch, your mouth widening as much as it allows. The first thing you note is the salty taste, it isn’t particularly strong and you’re relieved. But no matter how hard you tried to relax your jaw, when his cock hit the back of your throat you instinctively pulled back with a small gag. — Yeonjun tsk’s above you, the hand on your cheeks gripping you firmer as he pulls you back onto his dick. “Thought I told you to relax, no?” He murmurs, letting out a breathy moan as you let him slide himself back into your hot mouth.   

Your eyes screw shut as you focus on evening out your breathing, taking steady breaths in and out through your nose as you allow your tense frame to relax under him. “Think of it as the same as what you did with your hand.” His fingers relax against your cheek, thumb grazing your skin as he feels the way his cock slides in and out of your pliant lips. — It feels weird at first, uncomfortable too, but after a while you slowly get used to the feeling of him in your mouth. 

Hesitantly wrapping your lips around him, you press your tongue flat against him as you carefully bob your head up and down. He groans somewhere above you and your eyes flutter open as you peer up at him through your mascara coated lashes. Yeonjun always looked good, but there was something about him like this, from this view. A sheer layer of sweat that made his dark hair stick to his forehead, his parted lips and furrowed brows, you clenched at the sight, taking him deeper and with much more urgency. 

Something about tonight felt…special, perhaps even more intimate than all your past encounters. Maybe it had to do with the change of scenery. The dimly lit bedroom, the plush armchair, the fine carpet, you can’t place it, but something is different. And for the first time, you can only think about Yeonjun, not his girlfriend, his friends or even your classmates. It was only him. 

Remembering how you had pressed your thumb against his slit earlier, you pull back to refocus your attention to only his tip, your hand joining in to stroke the rest of him. You press your tongue flat against his head before swirling it to the best of your abilities, watching intently as Yeonjun’s brows drew further together, a breathy moan ripping from deep within his chest. 

“F-Fucking hell”, he groans, his head falling back against the cushion. “Fuck ‘m gonna-” His hips jerk forward, the tip of his cock hitting the back of your throat and you pull back with a small wince, unprepared for when his hot cum spurted into your mouth. Not really knowing which approach to take, you continue to suck him off, cum dribbling down your chin as you fought to swallow the rest without losing your breath once more. Yeonjun slumps back against the armchair, his hand releasing its hold on your cheeks as he lets it fall to his side. 

Carefully pulling off of him, you sit back as you begin wiping your chin with the back of your hand. You steal a glance at him, his chest heaving as he catches his breath. Yeonjun runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head as a small grin etches its way to his lips. — “Was…was it okay?” Your words are barely above a whisper, and he cocks an eyebrow at you, his grin widening. 

“Sure it was, nerd.” 

You blink up at him, “really?” — He chuckles, tucking himself back into his pants with a small grimace. “Would I have asked you to do it if I had doubts?” He retorts and you bite your lip, no perhaps not you supposed. “You’ll get even better with a bit of practice”, he reassures you, giving your head a light pat before getting up. 

He’s reached the door before he turns back to you, “wait another fifteen minutes or so before leaving, yeah?” Without waiting to hear your answer, he unlocks the door and steps out, slamming it shut behind him. 

⸝⸝

You spent another thirty minutes aimlessly wandering around the large villa, astonished by how someone could afford a place this big. You still had no clue whose house this even was, and no one seemed to care for the sake either. — Halfway down a long corridor, filled with what you could only assume to be modern art, you suddenly freeze in your tracks as the voices of someone else joins your quiet footsteps. 

After spending a rough minute trying to locate the source of the sound, you finally realize that it’s coming from behind one of the larger pillars a few paces ahead. Debating your choices for a solid ten seconds, you opt to try and eavesdrop, if only for a moment. And as you quietly creep forward, their conversation suddenly becomes a lot more clear. — Shuffling to squeeze yourself behind another pillar, you lean against the cool marble as you try and pick up on what’s being said. 

You knew the voices belonged to two of the girls from your class, but you were unable to pair them with any faces. — “Did he really?” One of them asks, her voice is slightly high-pitched, almost a bit squeaky. Her friend’s voice is fairly deeper as she replies, “Yes! And it was a week before her birthday too!” A small gasp. “You don’t mean… But with whom?” The first girl asks. 

There’s a brief pause, and you, too, find yourself holding your breath as you await the second girl's answer. “With Hera..” You frown, unable to recognize the name but the other girl seemed more than aware as she let out a small shriek, earning a sharp “hush!” from her friend. — “But that’s…” the first girl begins only to be interrupted by her friend, “her best friend.” 

Their conversation made little sense in your ears, and with a small sigh you turned to walk the other way when suddenly, a familiar name surfaced. — “But it was kind of obvious was it not”, the girl with the deeper voice begins, “Yeonjun has cheated on Mimi with practically all of her friends. She’s bound to find out some day, it’s only a matter of time.” 

You felt your face fall as your heart plummeted through your stomach. Had you heard them right? You hoped you hadn’t but the first girl quickly butts in as she confirms what you dreaded. “I told her from the start that Yeonjun was promiscuous, but she didn’t listen of course”, the girl huffs as her friend hums in agreement. “Better her than me”, she adds. 

You had heard enough. That was it, you were going home. Turning on your heel, you quietly dart down the long corridor. — You knew that you didn't have a reason to be upset, hell he had even cheated on his girlfriend with you. It still didn’t stop the tears that pricked in your eyes as you pushed past the crowd in the kitchen. A small part of you had thought, perhaps even hoped that maybe, maybe what he saw in you was different from what he saw in Mimi. God you’re so stupid. You quietly mutter, reaching the open living room just in time to see who you had hoped you wouldn’t. 

Near the front door, leaning against the wall, was Yeonjun, arms wrapped around his girlfriend’s frame as she pressed sloppy kisses to his neck. Your mind flashes with the images of what had taken place between the two of you not even an hour ago. Yet here he was, shamelessly buttering his so-called girlfriend up as if he hadn’t had you on his cock moments prior. And to think that you had allowed yourself to become part of his crowd, it was disgusting. 

You finally saw Choi Yeonjun for what he really was. A fucking asshole. And with that clarification in mind, you forcefully push past the pair as you march out of the front door, leaving the still lively party behind as you begin your journey home. 

⸝⸝

Monday came all too fast. The aftermath of the party is still fresh in your mind as you rummage through your locker. You had spent the whole weekend reanalyzing your every interaction with Yeonjun; from the day you first met to the thirty minutes spent in the guest bedroom just two days ago. You questioned his true intentions, more than twice. But no matter how many hours you tossed and turned in bed, you got no closer to solving the mystery that was Choi Yeonjun. 

Slamming the red steel door shut, you almost drop the books in your arm as you come face to face with the person you least wanted to see. — Yeonjun leans against the locker next to yours as he studies your face intently. Quickly you turn around to see if anyone was watching the two of you before shifting your attention back to him. “What are you doing?” You whisper as you watch him with a wary expression. 

He only shrugs, a small grin playing on his lips. “See me after class”, he nods in the direction of the stairs, leading to the third floor and you internally sigh. Still, you should talk to him, you really should, so you nod. “Okay.” — His grin widens as Yeonjun pushes himself off the locker, continuing down the hallway without another word. 

You find yourself counting down the hours, lesson after lesson, your eyes remain glued to the clock on the wall. In fact, you’re so focused on the afternoon ahead that the insults thrown your way merely passes over your head. — Then finally, after what feels like an eternity, you find yourself walking up the steps and past the doors as you neared room 291.

He was already there, waiting for you. And as soon as the red door closes behind you, he’s got you pressed up against it, hungry lips on yours within a matter of seconds as his hands roam your body. It was easy to get caught up in his world, his kisses and his touches, you have to remind yourself of why you came here. His name falls from your lips, but it’s not the usual desperate whine, it’s serious, you know that he can tell, humming against your lips yet his hands don’t stray away from wandering beneath your shirt. 

"Yeonjun, wait." 

He stills, if only for a moment, leaning back slightly as his lips brush against yours. Taking in a deep breath, you prepare yourself for the conversation to come. You had rehearsed it many times in your head, but as you glance up at him in the dim light of the storage unit, you find it hard to even look him in the eyes. “I…I’ve been thinking”, you slowly begin, watching the faint smirk that surfaces on his face. “Don’t you always, nerd.” He mutters, his hands resuming their journey up your chest, flicking the buttons to your shirt open as his mouth leaves hot kisses against your neck. 

You try to ignore the burning sensation sparking through your body, forcing yourself to go through with what you wanted to say. “Yes but, I’ve been thinking about…about us.” — Your words make his hands around your breasts stutter and he goes quiet against you. Biting your lip, you hold your breath as you wait for him to say something, but he doesn’t, only humming against your skin as he continues to litter you in red marks. 

“What makes you think there is an ‘us’?” 

His question makes your composure fall as you let out a shaky exhale. “There isn't?" You hesitantly ask, already anticipating the answer you were bound to receive. — He pulls away from you with a perplexed expression. Then he laughs, it’s short, cruel, he shakes his head. “Don’t be funny”, he mutters as he runs a hand through his dark hair. “You know that I have a girlfriend, nerd.” He spits the words out like the venomous bite of a snake. His gaze drops to your unbuttoned blazer, briefly passing the harsh bruises he’d previously left on your chest.

“Don’t think you’re anything else besides a quick fuck.” 

Oh. There it was. He finally said it, he finally confirmed what you had been dreading all along. You weren’t stupid, you knew that whatever the two of you had was nothing romantic. But hearing those words come out of his mouth, it hurt more than you ever thought it would’ve. Still, it was just what you needed. With your palms pressed against his chest, you push him back, as far away from you as the small room allowed. 

“I don’t think I want to be that.” 

Your voice is trembling as you speak and you have to force your gaze not to drop down to your shoes. Letting your hands fall back against your sides, you draw in a small breath, holding it as you watch Yeonjun’s face form into a confused frown. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” He huffs, sounding almost angry as his hands clenched into fists before relaxing again. 

You bite the inside of your cheek, giving a meek shrug of your shoulders. “I don’t want to be just a… a quick fuck.” You murmur, unable to maintain his intense gaze, you let your eyes drop to the floor. He scoffs, leaning back against the shelves with such force that the items behind him rattled. “Do you honestly believe that anyone else is even going to consider fucking you, nerd?” He was pissed, that much you could tell. 

Shaking your head, you blink away the tears that had managed to form in your eyes. “I don’t care, I just…”, you exhale, praying that your voice wouldn’t break as you continued, “I just don’t think this is for me.” — Yeonjun laughs, the same laugh that echoed off the classroom walls as he made fun of you. You realize then just how fucked up your situation had become. How could you have allowed yourself to stoop to such a level? 

“I gave you so much, and you… you don’t think that it’s for you?” He jeers, taking a step forward as he comes face to face with you once more. But now none of the previous lust and desire remained, only fury. All you can do is continuously shake your head, not daring to meet his gaze. “No. It’s not.” You state as you tear your eyes from the floor, it takes everything in you to not have your resolve crumbling as you peer up at him. 

“So let’s stop.” 

You motion toward the small unit you were currently standing in. “Whatever this is, was, let’s end it now.” You swallow, hard, the sound ringing in your ears. Yeonjun runs a hand through his hair once more, tongue prodding against the inside of his cheek as his eyes flit between you and the door. “You want to end things? Fine.” His voice lacks all the anger it previously held, now sounding almost monotone. 

“But don’t come crying when you realize just how much you’re about to lose.” He drawls, eyes boring into yours one final time before he pushes past you, knocking you back against the wall as he rips the door open. Darkness envelops you as soon as it's slammed shut behind him, and you finally let out the sob you had been holding in. 

⸝⸝

You didn’t go to school that following Tuesday, nor Wednesday. It was the first time you had missed a whole day since your junior year in highschool. Was it pathetic? Probably. Curled up on your bed, you spent the two days in front of your laptop, binging whatever show seemed appealing as you sniffled into a tissue. — You wanted to go back in time, back to when you only knew Yeonjun as the obnoxious leader of bullies from your class, back to when things were simple. 

You wondered what he might’ve said about you in your absence. What kind of lies he might’ve conducted, surely he wouldn’t just sit still. You dreaded returning, but you knew that it was inevitable, and as Thursday rolled around, you pulled yourself from bed. 

The classroom was empty when you arrived, there was another thirty minutes left but you had chosen to get there earlier to save yourself perhaps at least a few stares as you walked toward your desk. You had missed a lot, you were sure, two days was a long time to be away from school and you worried that you would have a lot of reading to do when you came back home. Though you supposed the distraction of studying would be nice. 

It’s about ten minutes left until class when the first few students emerged from the doors, swinging their bags down on their desks as they chatted loudly with one another. “Watch it nerd!” A girl sneers as she gives the leg of your chair a harsh kick, you grip onto the edge of your table as you hang your head low. But beside that, nothing happens, and you frown. You were sure it was going to be worse than this, but it wasn’t. For the first time ever you felt relieved that your classmates were treating you indifferent. Well, all except one. 

Yeonjun doesn’t show up to first period. And just as you think he’s about to be absent for the second one as well, the door is pushed open as he walks inside. Yeonjun seldom did what he was supposed to in class, but he always brought his bag, not today though. You tried to not let your eyes linger, inevitably failing as you watched him pull out his chair and sit down, his hands remaining in his pockets as he leaned back to gaze across the board with a lazy expression. In regular fashion, Beomgyu goes off about a random topic next to him as Soobin twirls a pen between his fingers, seemingly bored out of his mind. 

Class begins, and ends, and nothing happens. Not even as much as a glare in your direction. It was just like before, before the two of you were ever intimate, Yeonjun acted as if you didn’t exist, and you watched him. But this time, you didn’t feel a sense of longing, honestly, you didn’t know what you felt. Relief, a sense of mourning, regret? You didn’t like the way your stomach felt when you looked at him, so you stopped. 

⸝⸝

Weeks went by, the bullying never stopped, why would it? You kept quiet, your gaze downcast as you moved through the hallways. It worked, because you rarely saw him anymore. You didn’t know if he was avoiding you or not, you didn’t care. It felt nice to not care. The only thing tugging away at you now… was the loneliness. It wasn’t like Yeonjun acted friendly with you, especially not during school hours, but he had made you feel less alone. In the most fucked up way possible, he was the only one you had ever had some kind of relationship with since your first day here. And a small part of you missed it. 

But even the loneliness would one day stop. 

You blink up as a plate is placed opposite yours in the crowded cafeteria. Confused, your eyes darted between the boy before of you and the plenty of empty tables. He doesn’t seem to care as he slides down on the chair in front of yours. “You’re the junior girl who takes classes with the seniors right?” He asks as he tilts his head to the side, studying you with wide and curious eyes. — Still wary of the intentions behind his move to sit with you, you slowly nod, “I am.” 

He smiles, it was perhaps one of the first genuine smiles you had received since you started here. Shuffling a bit closer, he offers his hand for you to shake, which you hesitantly do. “I’m Hueningkai, but you can just call me Kai.” He says as you let go of his hand once more. — “I’m a junior too, but I’m stuck with everyone else our age”, he explains with a coy smile. 

You nod, taking a small sip of your water. His eyes shift to the book placed next to your tray. “Lord Of The Rings?” He asks and you hum as you turn it around for him to see. “I love those books!” He exclaims as he brings it to his face, studying the back intently. “I’m re-reading them..” You quietly mumble as your gaze flickers between him and the glass in your hand. Kai sets the book down as he turns to you, “you mean you’ve read all this more than once? Sick!” 

That was how you met Kai. You don’t know why he approached you, you didn’t care to ask. All you knew was that you had finally found a friend. And though the two of you still took separate classes, you always stayed behind to study together, ate lunch just the two of you, and walked each other to class. It felt nice to have someone to talk to, even though you didn’t tell him about you and Yeonjun, he still listened to you as you explained all of the bullying. 

You were amongst the last to return to class after lunch one lousy Tuesday. Kai and you had spent the entire break discussing quantum physics, and you had only realized the time once you went to search something up on your phone, making you rush to class. Not thinking much of the rare occurrence, you make your way over to your desk by the very back of the room, only freezing when one of your classmates addresses you. 

“What’s got you coming in so late, nerd?” He sneers as he leans back in his chair to see you better. With the intention of not replying, you take your seat as you begin rummaging through your stuffed bag. But when another girl butts in, you feel yourself go stiff. “Don’t you know?” She drawls, easily garnering the first guy’s attention as well as everyone around her. Even the Choi’s seemed to be listening as Beomgyu put down his phone. You held your breath, anticipating the worst yet it somehow ended up being so far from anything you could’ve ever imagined. 

“Nerd’s got a boyfriend.” She exclaims, watching triumphantly as everyone began whispering amongst each other, hushed murmurs carrying around the room. You felt your face burn as you glanced toward Yeonjun’s table. — He was still scrolling absentmindedly on his phone, but the way his jaw clenched, accompanied with the small frown of his brows, made your stomach sink just slightly. 

“That’s such bullshit!” Mimi exclaims as she throws you a harsh glare. But the girl who’d announced the news merely shakes her head. “I’ve seen them myself!” She retorts as she folds her arms across her chest. “That junior boy, y’know the blonde one.” — “I’ve seen them too!” Someone else chirps in and the girl is quick to nod. 

“They always eat lunch together too”, the girl turns to you with a wide smirk, “isn’t that right nerd?” — Your fingers curled around the pencil in your hand, gripping it with such force that it might break. You don’t look at her, gaze dropping to your table as you merely shook your head, earning a scoff from the girl as she turned back to the rest of the class. 

“Shit, are you serious?” Beomgyu wonders as he leans forward in his chair. But before the girl has a chance to reply, Yeonjun cuts her off. “Don’t be stupid”, he mutters as he pulls Beomgyu back by the collar of his shirt. — “What the fuck man, it’s just a question”, he whines as he rubs his now sore neck. Yeonjun huffs as his gaze remains glued to his phone screen, “of course she isn’t serious. Stop believing her bullshit.” 

Beomgyu falls silent at his words and so does everyone else. The next few minutes are awkward as everyone scrambles to occupy themselves with whatever they could find, desperately wishing for your professor to walk through the doors. 

⸝⸝

The sound of the old library doors being pushed open shifts your focus from the book in your lap as you glance up just in time to see Kai approaching your desk. He smiles, waving his hand enthusiastically and you find yourself reciprocating the small move. — “Sorry I’m late”, he apologizes as he takes the seat next to yours, pulling a few books from his bag. “It’s fine, really”, you assure him as you place your own book down. 

It had become routine for the two of you to meet up and study together, well, you often just talked the hours away, but neither of you seemed to mind the lack of work getting done. “Which chapter are you on?” He wonders, and you slide the book over for the two of you to share, “fifteen.” He nods as he scoots closer, your shoulders practically touching as you take turns reading and scribbling down notes. 

Usually you didn’t mind the close proximity, but when thinking back of what had transpired after lunch earlier that day, you felt different. Ever since your break up with Yeonjun, if break up was even what you could call it, you had little desire to enter into a new relationship. But the more you mulled over your classmate’s words, the more sense it all seemed to make. — Eating lunch together, walking each other to class, even now, you both sat so close that you could hear the pattern of his breathing. 

Kai was cute. He was the type of cute that made you look back twice when you passed him on the street, the type of cute that made you want to revisit the small café because of the waiter that had served you, the type of cute that you wanted to bring home to your parents. — Not only was he cute, he was nice too, you felt happy, comforted, in his presence. Unlike Yeonjun, Kai only made you feel giddy inside as you longed to see him. He never made you second guess his intentions or yourself. 

But there was still something missing, something that you couldn’t quite place. Something that Yeonjun had made you feel by just stepping into the same room as you. You hated yourself for comparing your new friend to someone like him, but it felt almost impossible not to. You didn’t care about Choi Yeonjun anymore, so why did he continue to haunt the subconscious parts of your mind? 

As if on cue, Kai turns around in his seat, his nose almost grazing your own due to how close you sat. “Hey are you following along?” He wonders, seemingly concerned as a small frown tugs at his brows. Blinking, you shake your head, “sorry no..” — You swallow, willing yourself to be honest with him, you need to be.

“Can I…can I tell you something?” You hesitantly ask, gnawing on your bottom lip as you twirl your pencil anxiously between your fingers. He nods, a small smile painting his lips, “of course!”  — Awkwardly clearing your throat, you think of a way to begin the whole thing. “W-Well basically…Everyone in my class they-” 

Your words get stuck in your throat, not because you were afraid of uttering them, not because Kai made you in any way feel uneasy. But because the oak doors to the library opened once more, the sound almost deafening to your ears, eyes becoming glued to Yeonjun’s frame as he enters. It doesn’t take him long to spot you, his already spiteful expression seemingly worsening as his gaze locks with yours. 

He grasps a book tightly in one hand, walking over to the front desk as he practically slams it on the table, making everyone inside the room jump as their heads turn in his direction. Yeonjun however, pays them little mind, his eyes never straying from yours as the old librarian goes to check out his book. — Even Kai’s attention had shifted toward your classmate, watching as Yeonjun leaned against the desk with a scowl on his face. 

“Isn’t he in your class?” He wonders as the frown on his face deepens. You nod, “ignore him”, you mumble as you shift uncomfortably under his intense gaze. “But he’s looking at you..” Kai states and you shake your head again, “please let’s just ignore him.” — Finally, Kai tears his gaze from him as he gives you a small nod, “of course. So what’d you want to tell me?” 

Oh right. “Well I… It’s a bit weird, promise you won’t be freaked out.” You begin as you bite your lip, feeling an evident blush rise on your cheeks. Kai nods as he takes your hand, the small action somehow making the whole thing even worse but you couldn’t find it in you to push him off. From the corner of your eye, you can make out Yeonjun’s figure as he watches the two of you, his mere presence made the hairs on the back of your neck stand. 

“My classmates they…they sort of think we’re…well they think we’re dating..” You quietly mumble, the last part becoming nothing more but a faint whisper. You can easily read his surprise as Kai’s eyes widen, his gaze flitting down to his hand on top of yours as he swallows. “Oh.” Is all he says. — “I hope it doesn’t make things weird between us”, you quickly add, your voice near pleading as you search his gaze. 

Biting the inside of his cheek, Kai slowly nods as he keeps his eyes on your hands. “No I suppose it doesn’t… I mean, it’s not like it’s true..” He says, offering you a small smile as his gaze returns to your face. You nod, “y-yeah, exactly..” — Daring to steal a glance in the direction of Yeonjun, you barely manage to catch his retreating figure as he exits the library, oak doors slamming shut behind him. 

Kai follows your gaze, his hand on top of yours moving back to rest on his lap as his eyes flicker between the spot where Yeonjun just vanished and your almost longing expression. He sighs. 

⸝⸝

It’s nearing 6pm when you finally part ways outside the library. And after waving Kai off, you turn to walk up the flight of stairs leading to your locker. The hallways are vacant, your low heel shoes clacking against its floors as you readjust your heavy bag on your shoulder. — Your footsteps come to an abrupt halt about halfway down the long corridor, your eyes spotting a tall figure, leaning against the red lockers by the end of the hall. You swallow, easily recognizing his lean frame. It’s too late to turn back, you know that he’s heard you already. 

“Have you been waiting here all along?” You wonder, stopping a few paces from him, maintaining a good distance as you shift your weight over to one leg. Yeonjun’s head, previously leaning against the red steel behind him, lazily turns in your direction as he studies you with a tired expression. “No.” — You knew it was a lie. 

“Then why are you here?” For once, it’s your gaze boring into his, and not the other way around. Yeonjun remains silent, his hands digging deep into the pockets of his pants, his eyes roaming your body just like they had so many times before. He doesn’t say anything. You wait for him to speak, you wait for two whole minutes. Nothing. 

With a small huff, you give up as you approach your locker. Now only inches from him, you type your code in as the red door clicks open. Pulling your books from your bag, he watches you as you place them neatly inside the small space. You bite your tongue, refraining from saying the many things on your mind. It would only complicate the situation further. — It’s not until you close the locker again, turning around as you get ready to leave, that he finally breaks the silence. 

“Is it true?” 

You freeze, slowly turning back to face him with a small frown. Still leaning against the lockers, he tilts his head to the side, his expression holds no amusement, not even anger, just…emptiness. You had never seen him like that before. — “What?” The surprise is evident in your voice, and you watch as he pushes himself off the lockers, moving to face you completely. “You and him, is it true?” He repeats his question and your breath gets stuck in your throat at the mention of Kai. 

You didn’t want him to become the next affection of Yeonjun’s harsh bullying. More than anything, you wanted to maintain the only friendship you had, you could not have your past mistakes getting in the way of it. — “Does it matter?” Your stance remains guarded as you fold your arms across your chest. He cocks an eyebrow in your direction, his lip twitching, “of course not.” 

Confused, you frown, you had forgotten how near impossible he was to read. “Well then there you have your answer.” You firmly state. He shakes his head, and you could’ve sworn you caught the small grin on his face before it vanished again. “So then it is true..” — “Yes.” The small word of confirmation slips from your lips without you even realizing it. But it was too late to take it back now. Yeonjun frowns, he seems almost surprised at your immediate response.   

“It’s true that we hang out everyday. It’s true that he makes me smile, and laugh. It’s true that he cares for me and I for him. All of it is true, is that what you wanted to hear?” You’re almost out of breath by the end of your small rant. — Yeonjun’s jaw clenches, hands curling into fists inside his pockets as he draws in a sharp breath through his nose. 

“So does it really matter if it’s true or not when he treats me in a way that makes me feel loved and appreciated?” You’re unable to hinder yourself from letting out all the emotions that you had kept pent up during the past weeks. And by the end, your voice sounds as if it’s about to break at any moment. — But he doesn’t say anything. His expression remained as indifferent as possible, watching the way your chest heaved as you caught your breath again. 

His silence felt heavier than a thousand words. Part of you wants to swallow your statement again, another part is relieved to finally have gotten it out. You quickly realized that you probably wouldn’t get another response from him, and thus you made your second move to leave. Except this time, he acts faster. 

Fingers wrapping around your wrist, Yeonjun prevents you from taking another step away from him. His grip is tight, but not enough to hurt, you can feel the slight tremble to his hand and your gaze dart between his hold on you to his now determined expression. 

“I could too.” 

His voice is low, yet the sentence echoes off the empty hallway walls. Your heart thumps loudly in your chest, blood rushing beneath your skin as your wide eyes meet his. — “I could make you feel like that too.” His voice is clearer now, steadier, and he takes a step forward. You find yourself shaking your head, making him frown. “Why, don’t you believe me?” 

The question made you scoff. “Of course I don’t.” You exclaim as you withdraw your arm from his grip, he lets you, briefly glancing down to his now empty hand before letting it fall to his side. “You’ve said it yourself. I’m nothing besides a quick fuck, right?” — He bites the inside of his cheek, your words undoubtedly true. 

Maybe three weeks ago, his small statement would’ve been able to sway you, to make your heart beat a little faster. Now it only felt like he was rubbing salt onto your barely healed wounds. Just as you had gotten over him, just as you had finally made a real friend, he had to go and ruin it all again by saying exactly what you both dreaded and longed to hear from him. And you hated him for it. You hated Choi Yeonjun. 

Tears stung in your eyes, threatening to spill down your cheeks. You couldn’t let him see you cry. — He grabs onto you a second time as you turn to leave, pulling you flush against his chest with such haste that you barely have time to register what’s happening before his lips are on yours. “Don’t go”, he breathes into your mouth, kissing you with such urgency that you thought he might just be on the verge of dying. 

Your hands are on his chest within seconds as you pry him off. “Stop. Just stop.” Your pleading voice cuts like knives through the air and he pulls back with a stunned expression. Shaking your head, you tear yourself from him as you take a step back. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you. But it better stop.” He opens his mouth to say something but you beat him to it. “Don’t let me get my hopes up only to crush them again.” 

Refusing to hear him out any longer, you quickly turn on your heel as you hurriedly walk down the hallway, leaving him behind as he runs a hand through his dark hair. 

⸝⸝

The next day, Yeonjun doesn’t show up to school. You’re just as confused as everyone else, your eyes darting toward the door every other second, thinking that it might be him, but it never is. — “Is he sick?” Someone asks but Beomgyu only shakes his head, leaning back in his chair with a small huff, “beats me.” Ah, so he didn’t know either. Gnawing on your bottom lip, you’re suddenly filled with worry, was it because of what happened yesterday? Was he actually hurt by it? No, surely not, it was Choi Yeonjun after all. 

It’s not until the doors bursts open once more, revealing a disheveled Mimi, that realization slowly starts to set in. Her usually put together face is in ruins as makeup has been smeared across her cheeks. Heads turn in her direction as one of her friends guides her over to her desk. — “What happened?” A guy asks only to be hushed by her friend, quietly mouthing out the words: “he broke up with her.” 

Everyone seems to fall silent after that, allowing Mimi’s quiet sobs to fill the room as you wait for class to start. — He broke up with her… You blink, glancing down to the empty page in your notebook as you swallow. Did that also have anything to do with what happened yesterday? Once again you’re left feeling guilty, Yeonjun always seemed to make you feel that way. 

When your professor finally arrives, the lecture moves slowly, agonizingly so. And for once, you didn’t find any joy in your studies. Sure it might also have something to do with the persistent feeling of being watched. — Turning your head ever so slightly to the right, you find Soobin’s eyes locked on your unnerved frame. Not even when he knows that you’ve caught him does he turn away.

He continues to watch you throughout the day. Wherever you went, he seemed to be there too. Eyes boring into you at all times, an indifferent expression on his face. He knew something, that much you were sure of. 

⸝⸝

Finally, as your last lesson comes to an end, you manage to slip past Soobin’s prying gaze as you hurried down the stairs to meet Kai. The two of you had begun accompanying each other on the way home as you both took the bus from the same station. — You find him waiting by the entrance, a large smile plastered across his face and as soon as your eyes fell on him, all worries were washed away. 

“How was class?” He asks as you walk down the courtyard. You shrug, swinging your bag in front of you cheerily, “nothing out of the ordinary.” — “No mean comments, no nothing?” He wonders and you bite the inside of your cheek, “no…actually not.” After the news of Mimi’s breakup, everyone had fallen into this sort of trance where no one seemed to want to bring attention to themselves. Thus you had been left alone all day, which felt both nice and incredibly weird. 

Kai hums, the two of you were walking so close that your arms brushed together, but you didn’t mind. Once you reach the large gates leading out onto the streets however, you freeze. Stopping a pace in front of you, Kai turns to you with a small frown, “something wrong?” — You shake your head, “no…I just.. think I left a book behind, you go ahead.” 

He opens his mouth, as if to object but you quickly interrupt him, “it’s fine! I wouldn’t want you to miss your bus”, you reassure him as you offer a small smile. “Then what about you?” He wonders but you just wave it off in a disregarding manner, “I’ll take the next one, don’t worry about me.” He doesn’t seem entirely convinced but the small hug you give him makes him nod. “Alright, text me when you get home”, he says and you quickly agree as you send him off. 

You watch him disappear down the pavement with a small sigh. Not until he’s completely out of sight do you turn to cross the street. You walk with long and determined strides, not stopping until you reach the large tree by the sidewalk. — Yeonjun isn’t wearing his usual school uniform, instead he’s dressed in a dark pair of jeans, a black jacket wrapped around his torso to prevent the chilly December air from getting to him. He leans against the naked tree trunk, his gaze flickering from the concrete beneath him and over to you as you approach. 

Feet planting in front of his, you cross your arms as you peer up at him with an expectant look on your face. He doesn’t say anything, tongue prodding against the inside of his cheek. Unable to bear the silence, you break it. “You didn’t come to school today.” You don’t know why you stated the obvious, perhaps you wanted him to explain himself, but he doesn’t, only nodding silently. 

Frustrated, you run a hand through your hair. He wanted to talk to you, right? That’s why he was waiting across the street from your college, openly risking being spotted by your classmates. So why wasn’t he saying anything? — Huffing out a short breath, you part your lips to say something, but he’s quicker than you. 

“I broke up with her”, he calmly states. His posture remains relaxed as he speaks but his eyes search yours with something akin to desperation. — “I know.” You mumble, biting the inside of your lip before continuing, “she was crying all day, did you know that?” He scoffs, “so?” His nonchalant approach made you frown, “so? Don’t you care?” Your question is met by the mere shake of his head as he shrugs, “no, do you?” 

“I do.” 

He hadn’t expected your answer, you could tell by the way his face dropped, if only for a moment. “Why? It’s not exactly like she’s a good person.” He jeers, shoving his hands deeper into the denim pockets of his jeans. “And you are?” Even though your voice remains steady, there’s a linger of hurt between your quiet words. — He goes silent in front of you as his gaze flits between yours and the entrance behind him. 

“Why are you even here, Yeonjun?” Your tone is near accusing and he looks almost guilty as his attention shifts back to you. He swallows, rubbing a hand along his neck, as if stalling for time. You bite your tongue, waiting patiently for him to speak. — “Why do you like him?”, he finally asks. It hardly took a genius to guess who he was referring to. 

You sigh, observing the way the naked branches of the tree moved against the mild breeze. “I told you, didn’t I?” You drawl, readjusting the bag swung over your shoulder. The corner of his mouth twitches as Yeonjun shakes his head, “that’s not what I wanted to hear.” — “And you think you’re in a position to make demands like that?” You snort, watching as he pushes himself off the tree before taking a step in your direction. 

Leaning back to glance up at him, you try your best to hold your ground as he tilts his head to the side, cocking a questioning eyebrow at you. “Then tell me what I need to do.” — Your mouth falls open as you gawk at him, what was he implying? Taking a step back only ends up with him taking yet another forward, his hands coming up from his pockets to rest on your shoulders. 

“Tell me how to be like him.” 

Slowly you realize just what he was asking of you. Immediately shaking your head, you take yet another step back. “It doesn’t work like that.” You quietly murmur, averting your gaze to avoid looking him in the eyes. He frowns, a confused frown, “sure it does”, he says, sounding almost hopeful as he grips your shoulders tighter. “Just tell me what I need to do and I’ll do it.” 

Did he honestly think that everything could be undone just like that? The pain, the tears, the bullying, that he could take it all back just because he wanted to? Just because he had a change of heart? The thought was almost as ridiculous as his proposal. — This was Choi Yeonjun, he wasn’t about to change his ways just because of you, you should know that. Whatever this was, this moment of confusion, it wouldn’t last, and you had to pull out before you got hurt, again. 

“I don’t know what you want from me…” You bite back the harsh insults waiting on your tongue, shaking your head once more. “I don’t know what it is, and I don’t care. Please just stop confusing me”, you almost beg as you try to pry his hands off of you. — Yeonjun looks perplexed as he lets you push him off. “Confusing you? I don’t–” 

“Do you think I’m stupid?” You retort, your voice growing in intensity as you failed to hold back the anger and resentment you held for him. “I let you screw me over, I let you use me, humiliate me, I put up with all of it, because…” You exhale, taking a step forward as you point an accusing finger to his chest. “Because at one point I thought that I liked you, but I don’t. I know exactly what you are and I know that you won’t change.” 

He frowns, his fingers wrapping around your wrist on his chest. “You don’t know the first thing about m-” — “I do.” You cut him off, aware of the way his jaw clenches as his grip on your wrist tightens. “I know that you cheat, you lie, you use people as you please, and worst of all, you don’t even feel guilty about it.” 

You tear yourself from his grasp, stumbling backward as you cradle your sore wrist. “I know far from everything about you”, you state, watching him bite the inside of his cheek as he fights off the remark he so desperately wished to fire. — “But I know that I hate you. And that’s enough reason for me to stay as far away from you as possible.” 

“So please, leave me the fuck alone.” 

As soon as you turn around to dart down the street, the tears spill from your eyes as you sob into your open palm. More than anything, you regret ever becoming infatuated with him. 

⸝⸝

Yeonjun didn’t come to school the following day either, nor the day after that. People stopped asking about him, only becoming disregarded by both Beomgyu and Soobin as the two kept to themselves. Yet the taller’s persistent stares remained as Soobin watched your every move, like a hawk stalking its prey. Even now, as you sat by your usual table, listening to Kai as he rambled on about a random topic, did you feel his gaze on you. 

“D-Did you hear me?” 

Kai’s hesitant voice snaps you from your trance as your eyes shift to his fidgety frame. Nervously twisting the hem of his uniform, he gives you a sheepish smile. You blink, “I…s–sorry what did you say?” You wonder, feeling a bit embarrassed by your lack of engagement as he spoke. But Kai only shakes his head, the tips of his ears turning pink as he clears his throat. “I was wondering if… if you would maybe want to study this weekend a-at my place?” 

You could tell that it had taken almost all his courage to ask the simple question. But somehow you find yourself comparing it to how easy such demands had fallen from Yeonjun’s lips as he shamelessly took whatever he wanted. Internally you curse yourself for letting your mind so comfortably shift to the subject of Yeonjun when you had tried so hard to forget about him. 

“Sure I would love to!” You smile, heart swelling at the endearing sight before you as Kai’s face practically explodes in an ocean of red. “R-Really?” He asks and you nod, “of course!” — You’re about to ask him what time would be suitable when suddenly a large shadow  is casted over your table. Squinting up your eyes lock with none other than Choi Soobin as he peers down at you with a vacant expression. 

“I need to talk to you.” He states in a monotone voice, jutting his chin toward the large entryway of the cafeteria. Your gaze flits between him and Kai as your friend shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “O-Okay”, you quietly mumble, giving Kai an apologetic look as you get up to trail after Soobin’s tall frame. 

He walks fast, and you almost have to jog in order to keep up. Pushing past the crowded hallways, Soobin doesn’t seem to mind the multiple glances shot his way. The two of you walk for a good five minutes without stopping, and just as you’re about to ask where you’re going, he comes to an abrupt halt, making you almost facepalm against his back.

With the light kick of his foot, the door to a vacant classroom swings open and he steps inside, seemingly waiting for you to do the same. — Once the door is shut behind you, he turns to lean against the wall, folding his arms across his chest. Nervously, you tug at the collar of your blazer as you glance around the dark room. 

You don’t think you had been alone with Soobin, ever. Nor did you think that you had ever heard him utter more than two words out loud. And he had never directed a single one to you. So to say that your current situation was surprising, would be a grave understatement. — You think a whole minute must have passed when he finally speaks. But the words coming out of his mouth made you wish for everything to be silent again. 

“What’s your deal with Yeonjun?” 

His voice is low, barely above a murmur, and deep too. Not at all like his snarky friends whose laughs would echo off the hallways. You swallow, hard, the sound is audible in the otherwise quiet room. Unlike Beomgyu, Soobin never once picked on you, nor did he join in when the others were laughing, at best or worst, he would give a small grin. — If it were Beomgyu you would at least expect him to be mad in a situation like this, but Soobin remains eerily calm as he watches you from a distance, just like he had these past three days. 

“I don’t think that’s any of your business”, you stand your ground, despite the fact that it felt as if the floor was literally shaking beneath you. He chuckles, it’s breathy, almost inaudible. “You don’t need to act so prideful, he’s told me everything about you.” — It feels as if all air has been knocked out of your lungs. So he did know something. 

“Everything?” You exhale, your breath near trembling. He gives a curt nod, “everything, except for why he isn’t here today”, he mutters, seemingly displeased with the fact. — A small frown etches its way to your face, lips parting in confusion. “I know you’ve got something to do with it.” He states, tilting his head back as he gazes up toward the ceiling. “But he won’t tell me what.” 

Biting the inside of your cheek, you glance down to the floor, the uneven wood planks suddenly seeming very intriguing. “I couldn’t possibly know why he–” — “Don’t bullshit me.” He snaps, his eyes flickering back to you within milliseconds. Your breath gets caught in your throat as you flinch, taking a small step back before your thighs hit the table behind you. Soobin ignores your skittish reactions as he continues. “I don’t know what he’s getting at, going for someone like you.” He says it with such distaste that it makes your skin crawl. 

Before you know it, he takes a step forward, then another one, and another one, until he’s got you caged against the desk. He doesn't say anything, one of his hands reaching into his pocket as he rummages through it. Pulling up a folded piece of paper, he shoves it into your open palm. “He asked me to give you this.” — He brushes his hand against his jeans as he takes a step back. 

“Fix whatever you caused.” Is all he says before turning on his heel to leave again. Upon yanking the door open, he’s met with Kai’s alarmed frame as he jumps to the side. Sparing him a mere side glance, Soobin shoves past him as he takes off down the hallway. — You shove the small paper in the pocket of your blazer as you walk over to your friend with a sheepish smile. “Hey how long have you been standing-”

“You and Yeonjun?” He asks, almost baffled as he eyes you, full of distrust. The smile immediately vanishes from your face and your throat suddenly goes dry. “W-What?” You ask, still not registering his question fully, hoping that maybe you had heard him wrong. Kai shakes his head, his jaw momentarily clenching. “Just how much exactly did you hear?” You quietly whisper. 

He gives you a small shrug, “enough.” — He sighs, looking almost defeated as he runs a hand through his blond hair. “I thought you…I mean the two of you, I never thought…” Frowning, he gives up with a small huff and you bite your lip, reaching out a hesitant hand to place on his shoulder, but he only jerks away from your touch. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He sounds hurt, you can tell he is. The guilt was slowly seeping back into your veins, Yeonjun always made you feel guilty, but this time…this time it was your own doing. “I’m sorry.” The apology is genuine, you hope he can tell. Because you really are sorry, sorry for not being honest with your only friend. 

Kai looks at you, his eyes hold so much pain that you wondered just how deep your lie had stung. “Do you like him?” He asks, his voice sounds strained, as if he was holding back tears. The question catches you off guard and you blink. Did you like him? No, of course not. You hated him. You hated Choi Yeonjun. 

“No, nevermind, don’t answer.” He shakes his head, “I don’t care.” — You fumble for words, wanting to say anything that would comfort him. It felt almost impossible. “I- I’m sorry I should’ve told you I–” — “Yeah you should’ve.” He bites back, his unusually harsh tone making you wince. “You should’ve told me a long time ago. Before I..” He cuts himself off, biting his cheek as his gaze drops to the floor. 

“Before what?” You quietly wonder, noting the way his shoulders slumped as he exhaled a shaky breath. “Before I liked you.” His voice is merely above a whisper, his attention strained to the floor as he refused to look you in the eyes. Your mouth falls open, it wasn’t like you were completely unaware. Kai’s lingering touches and stares didn’t go unnoticed but you had never imagined that his feelings ran this deep. 

“You like me?” 

He scoffs, dragging his feet leisurely in front of him. “I thought that was obvious.” He pauses, his gaze briefly meeting yours before fleeting down again, but it was just enough for you to catch the shiny layer of tears coating his lashes. You swallow, it felt almost as if you were about to throw up, the guilt slowly eating away at you. 

All you could do was stare at him with a stunned expression, not knowing what you could possibly say to mend the situation. Kai draws in a sharp breath before he wipes his face with the back of his hand. “It’s alright”, he mumbles, “it’s not your fault.” — Your heart might as well just have been ripped out and stepped on at this point. Why was he being so kind to you, when you so obviously didn’t deserve it. 

“We’re friends still…aren’t we?” He wonders, looking up from the floor with bloodshot eyes. “T-This doesn’t change anything, right?” — You wanted to tell him that this changed everything, that things might never be the same again. But you couldn’t, you couldn’t hurt him like that. So you shake your head, wrapping your arms around him as you hug him tight. “Of course not, Kai.” 

You wondered if things had turned out differently between the two of you, had you never gotten involved with Yeonjun. 

⸝⸝

It’s early, earlier than you’d like to admit as you leave your apartment that Sunday morning. The sun has yet to rise and the city is still asleep, but you haven't been able to shut your eyes and relax for the past three days. No, you had waited, dreaded, for this day to come. — The bus is almost empty, save for another young woman, but she looks far more comfortable than you as she rests her head against the window. 

The air is cold as you step off, and you hug your coat tighter around your body. You walk for about ten minutes before a large building comes into view. Pulling the small note from your pocket, you glance between the address scribbled down and the number on the building in front of you, they perfectly align. — The note, the one Soobin had so hastily shoved in your hand three days ago, the note you had reread at least a hundred times throughout the weekend. An address, a day, but not a time. — Perhaps you were a bit early, but as you trudged up the stairs, you no longer cared. You had waited for three whole days, you’d had enough. 

You take the stairs instead of the elevator. To get some exercise in, you tell yourself. But there was no mistaking the fact that you wanted to prolong the moment for as long as possible, despite your urgency to get here. — Finally, you reach the fifth floor, out of breath, you lean against the wall as you take a moment to gather yourself. 

The first time you read the note you had considered not showing up at all. It was a cowardly move to send his friend in his place. But at the same time, your mind longed for answers, answers that you would hopefully get today. — You bring the paper to your face, rereading it one final time. The address, the day, and the small sentence, at the very bottom. 

“Let’s talk, please.” 

Fine, if he wanted to talk, then you would talk. Your fingers curl into a fist, lightly tapping the dark wood. Had it been anyone else, you would’ve been mindful of the still early hour. But right now your mind was set on one thing alone. — Your heart beats obnoxiously loud in your chest, the wait seemingly eternal. 

Then the door creaks open. And as soon as your eyes fall on him, you can tell that he’s had trouble sleeping too. The bags under his eyes were a most unusual look, his hair too, laid messily sprawled on top of his head. He’s still dressed, almost as if he hadn’t gone to bed at all. — “Hi”, his voice is low, raspy, like he hadn’t spoken in days. You give him a small nod of acknowledgement and he steps aside as he lets you in. 

Yeonjun’s apartment is clean, minimalistically furnished. It wasn’t like you had ever tried to imagine what his home would look like, but this somehow felt just like him. Your gaze trails across the few paintings on the walls, you can tell that he hadn’t picked them himself, most likely they came with the flat. The white couch, situated by the large windows, catches your eye. 

Upon walking over and taking a seat, you find that Yeonjun does the same, maintaining a respectable distance as he glances down towards his hands. For a moment, everything is quiet. Part of you wished to stay like this forever. But that was of course impossible. — He clears his throat, shifting awkwardly on the sofa. “Do you want something to drink?” You bite your lip before nodding, “water’s fine.” 

He gets up, walking over to the joint kitchen as he turns on the faucet. You can hear him grabbing glasses, filling them to the brim before returning to place one in front of you on the marbled coffee table. Quietly thanking him, you take the glass, bringing it to your lips as you take a sip. You wait for him to speak first, he was after all, the one who had reached out. 

Yeonjun looked very different like this. In the comforts of his own home he resembled little of the person you had grown accustomed to in school. You wondered if he often brought people over, judging by how awkward he was acting, you supposed not. — He draws in a sharp breath, his gaze remaining downcast as he speaks. 

“You got my note..” He mumbles as you set your glass down. “I did”, you state, leaning back against the soft cushion as you turn your head in his direction. “Why didn’t you give it to me yourself?” You frown, feeling rather hurt by his choice of using his friend, his friend who definitely didn’t seem to like you. Yeonjun is silent, he’s silent for a good while, fingers intertwined with one another as he bites the inside of his cheek. 

“I was scared.” He quietly admits and your eyes widen at the confession. “Y-You were?” You can’t shield the surprise in your voice, Choi Yeonjun, scared? He scoffs, and for a moment, his usual self emerges as his face turns into a small scowl, but the way his eyes flicker as he speaks gives him away. “Of course I fucking was, I still am.” 

“Why?” 

He doesn’t answer straight away, as if considering his next words with great care. Running a hand through his disheveled hair, he lets out a small almost inaudible exhale. “Because I’m scared that I’ve fucked things up so bad this time… That there’s no going back.” — You uncomfortably shift on the couch as you distract yourself by taking another sip of your water. Yeonjun’s body is taut as his jaw clenches, refusing to even glance in your direction he keeps his gaze steadily fixed on the window in front of him as the darkness outside slowly shifts into a deep blue.  

“I want…” He slowly begins, his sentence falling short as he takes another couple of breaths. “I want to apologize.” You blink, your eyes shifting from the water in your glass and over to him, you don’t think you had ever heard him speak with such sincerity. — And for the first time since your arrival, he looks at you. He swallows, adam's apple bobbing as he does. 

“I’m sorry.” 

When you don’t say anything he hastily continues. “I know that it doesn’t fix shit, but I…I still need to say it. And if I could I would go back and undo all the pain I caused you, I really would. I don’t expect you to forgive me, quite frankly I don’t even expect you to ever talk to me again, I suppose that’s fair. But if I don’t tell you how sorry I am now, I’m afraid that I never will.” He takes a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before letting it go again, his shoulders slumping, almost like a deflating balloon. 

“So, I’m sorry…for everything.” 

He holds his tongue after that, gaze dropping down to his fingers once more. You don’t know how to feel, much less what to say. It was all so surreal. Hearing those words come out of his mouth felt almost like a fever dream and you wondered if you had perhaps managed to fall asleep after all and that this was just a fragment of your imagination, the universe pulling a sick prank on you. 

But then you turn to look at him. He’s nothing like the Yeonjun who had hurt you for so many weeks. Right now he looks small as he sits on the couch, biting the inside of his lip as he nervously rolls his thumbs together. In the end you realize that no matter how you feel, there’s only one thing you can say to him. 

“I forgive you.” 

He freezes, teeth letting go of his lip as he slowly lifts his head to peer over at you. An almost puzzled look paints his otherwise tired face, “you do?” He sounds almost disbelieving as he studies you with a wary expression. — You slowly nod, watching as his eyes widen with recognition, he swallows. Then everything becomes silent once more. This time it’s a different kind of silence, it’s not comfortable but the air somehow feels lighter, if only a little. 

You find yourself staring out the large windows. The sky had turned a deep orange now, shades of pink seeping through the cracks formed by the clouds. The darkness slowly makes way for the light as a new day rises before you. — You want to say something, now feels like a good moment to get things off your chest. But you can’t seem to find the words, your throat feels thick and it becomes hard to swallow.  

“Please like me instead.” 

At first you thought that you had imagined it. The faint whisper of his lips. But when he shuffles next to you on the couch, turning to face you fully, there’s no doubt about it. You tear your gaze from the warm sky as you glance over at him. In the morning light, Yeonjun looked like he was glowing. Despite the dark circles under his eyes, his dry lips, or even his unkempt hair; he looked truly beautiful. 

“What?” 

Your voice is soft, a low murmur, unsure and hesitant. He scoots closer, your knees touching as he places his hands on the cushion either side of him. “Like me instead. Instead of him.” Instead of Kai. He searches your gaze desperately as he bites his lip, leaning closer. — You don’t say anything, if you do, his statement would become real. You’re scared, you think. 

But he doesn’t give up. “I know that you hate me, but please, I can’t stand it when-”  

“I don’t hate you, Yeonjun.” 

His mouth shuts, and he blinks at you, confused, brows knitting together. “What?” — “But you said..” You shake your head, turning away as you feel tears prick in the corner of your eyes. You hated how easily he made you cry, even when he didn’t intend to. “I lied.” You confess, shame and guilt overflowing your senses. “Why?”

“Because I was scared.” 

As the words left your lips, you think that the two of you might not be so different after all. Maybe, just maybe. — Yeonjun doesn’t say anything, his attention dropping to your knees, barely grazing one another. His hand on the sofa twitches, as if he held himself back from reaching out, from touching you. 

“I was scared of liking you.” Your quiet whisper felt like a weight being lifted off your shoulders. A small murmur was all it had taken, so why had it seemed so hard? — His gaze shifts back to your face, his eyes wide as his lips part in surprise. “You were right all along”, you give him a half hearted smile, watching as his frown deepened. “I’ve always liked you”, you swallow, “even when I didn't want to.”   

A pang of guilt takes over his expression for a moment as he internally cringes at your words, more so his own actions. “I thought it would go away if I told myself that I hated you.” You shake your head, glossy eyes dropping to your hands, the first tears threatening to escape at any moment. “It never did.” Your vision slowly becomes blurred as you blink away the salty droplets that fell down your cheeks. 

You can barely see it, but you can feel it, the warm caress of his hand on your cheek. It feels nice, comforting, you don’t push him off, you don’t want to. He wipes your tears, the very same that he had caused. The faint whisper of yet another apology lingering on his lips. — Then he hesitates, you never saw Yeonjun hesitating, he always took what he wanted, did as he pleased. But you can tell that he’s uncertain of his next move. His eyes flickering between your teary eyes and parted lips. 

In the end he decides to be brave. Slowly initiating what had been on both of your minds for weeks now. But when his lips meet yours, it feels different, this kiss is nothing like your previous ones. It holds no guilt, no shame, no secrets, it doesn’t feel forced nor desperate. It feels like an apology, remorseful of the past, and like a promise, a vow to the future. You can tell that he expects you to pull back, to tell him off, just like you had days prior. 

Instead you cling to him, part of you thinks that this might be just what you need, another part says it’s stupid and reckless. But in the end, you want to be brave too. Even if that meant being stupid and reckless. — The stupid and reckless part of you lets him push you back against the soft cushion, lets him kiss you deeper, lets his hands trail across your body. 

“I’m sorry.” He chants it like a prayer, littering your body in the light caress of his lips. You know he means it, every kiss, every touch, every apology. — His hair feels soft between your fingers, you twist the strands lightly, feeling him sigh against your skin. Yeonjun was usually one to talk in moments like these, but today there are no sarcastic remarks on his tongue. He’s quiet, attentively listening to the hitch of your breath, the small moan passing your lips, he doesn’t want to miss a single thing. 

He tugs your tights off, his hands immediately soothing the goosebumps erupting on your naked skin. You think he looks pretty like this, basked in the first rays of sunshine, half lidded eyes rapidly moving as he trails them across every inch of your body. — His lips return to yours, fingers sliding between your legs just like they had so many times before, but this time it’s different, everything is. 

He touches you slowly, he pays attention, he wants to know exactly how he makes you feel. Treating you as if you were made out of glass, worshiping you as if you were made out of gold. You become hyper aware of the way his body moves against yours, the soft pattern of his fingers sending sparks through your stomach. 

You had been intimate with Yeonjun more times than you could remember. Yet as he lines himself up alongside you, it suddenly feels like the first. It feels new, nervous, perhaps even a little scary. But that was okay, you knew that he was scared too. — He goes slow, savoring the moment as his face rests in the crook of your neck. “I’m sorry.” He can’t stop saying it, it’s never enough, it never makes up for the damage he’s created, he knows it. But you forgive him, you would continue to forgive him for eternity if he apologized for as long. 

He groans against you, his voice is near trembling. Your hands are on his back, feeling the smooth surface of his skin, then they’re tangled in his hair, pulling him to look at you. For the first time it feels as if you’re seeing him clearly. Behind the lying, the cheating, the bullying, it was just him. Just Yeonjun. 

As soon as the first tear rolls down his cheek, you kiss him. Tasting the saltiness on your lips, he sobs into your mouth. His chest heaves against yours, his once slow and deliberate thrusts becoming jagged and uneven as he fights to stay composed. You want to say something, but you don’t know what. Instead you pull him closer, so close that you can’t feel anything but his body against yours. 

You stay like that, melted against one another. Hours pass, neither of you seem to mind. His breath is warm against your chest, your fingers are soft in his hair. The silence is light, comforting, reassuring. Your mind is filled with him, he’s all you can think about, all you want to think about. You know he feels the same, it’s comforting to know. It’s also scary, you’re not sure if you’re ready. But even then, you’ll at least be scared together, just the two of you. 

It’s nice to not be alone. 

⸝⸝

Monday morning also feels different. Maybe because you’re walking down the hallway side by side, you and Yeonjun. People stare, he tells you to ignore them, you try, and it works. You glance over at him, he looks happy, his step is light, his arm securely wrapped around your waist. You find yourself smiling, biting the inside of your cheek as you gaze ahead. 

It’s not until you reach the all too familiar door, leading into your classroom, that you halt. Confused, Yeonjun stops a pace in front of you. “Is something wrong?” He asks as he studies your nervous posture, your eyes flickering between the now almost empty hallway and the door in front of you. The corridors were one thing, but the classroom held so many memories. Memories that wouldn’t just vanish over a day.

He notices your hesitation, a small smile tugging at his lips as he shakes his head. He reaches out, his warm hand enveloping yours as he grips it firmly. You glance between your interlocked fingers, and the small grin splayed across his face. — “I’ve got you, nerd.” 

The small reassurance makes you smile, and you nod, letting him tug you closer as Yeonjun pushes the classroom door open.

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He’s known you long enough to have struck up this arrangement confidently; knowing there would be no strings attached, not able to form any feelings for someone he’s been content being just friends with for— well, forever. 

So this— his pounding heart, his brows that furrow together with frustration, his hands that grip his microphone a little tighter— is definitely new. 

There is no logical reason as to why he should be feeling like this; there’s no logical explanation as to why it’s been such an eyesore to watch Yeonjun interact with you the whole night, watching the way the man not so subtly sends winks and coy smiles in your direction, Soobin’s lips being bitten at as he watches the way you merely smile cutely in response. 

You don’t even act this way with him; every time you’ve come to their shows, you’ve always made it a point to act normal whenever Soobin comes around— just enough excitement to make you seem like a fan, but not enough to make it seem like you know him— you’ve learned this the hard way.

“Tone it down a bit next time, yeah?” Soobin told you once, as you laid in his hotel bed and surfed through the tv channels with droopy eyes, “If we’re gonna keep doing this, we should be professional about it.”

His words garnered a massive roll of your eyes— what the fuck did he even mean by that? It’s a concert, of course you had to seem excited— but it seems as though you took his comment to heart, watching the way your excitement dies down the moment Soobin approaches your side. 

No one’s watching you— no one cares about what faces you make or what you say when Soobin stands before you, but the thought of him telling you to keep it professional pisses you off so much that you decide to show him just how good of an actress you are; the difference of reactions is almost incredible, and you take in the way Soobin’s eyes narrow at the sight of you. 

There’s no reason he should get mad— after all, there’s nothing between you. 

Agreeing to this was a stupid idea. What kind of a self-destructive freak agrees to be friends with benefits with someone they had feelings for? A self-destructive freak like you apparently, because as you watch Soobin leave with one last glance at you, you can’t help but wish that he was just a bit mad. 

The two of you distract yourselves in your own ways; Soobin tries not to visit your section for the rest of the night, and you try to get the attention of the rest of the members in response— and the boys, surprised to see your excited attitude when they come around, are more than happy to oblige— and if the fans noticed that Soobin seemed to be in a bad mood for part of the show, well, that’s on him.

You feel a bit more tired than usual by the time the concert ends— you’re not sure why, but you find yourself trudging backstage because of that; maybe you should just go to the hotel instead of congratulating the boys for their show like you usually do. 

“Oh, hey ___!” Yeonjun spots you before you can turn on your heels and exit; you’re immediately putting on a bright smile as the said man throws an arm around you, still in his encore outfit as he drags you along the halls and undoubtedly to where the rest of the members are, “What’d you think of the concert? It was good huh?”

“As always,” you smile, nudging Yeonjun softly as he clearly waits for you to continue, “You were great out there, your energy was insane.”

“Why thank you,” he purrs, leaning in and watching as you scoff at him playfully, “Watching you enjoy yourself practically gave me all the energy I needed.”

You don’t find yourself surprised by his comment; Yeonjun is always like this, his flirty and suggestive behavior nothing out of the ordinary as you simply scold him to get out of your face— you’re so caught up in bickering with the man that you don’t notice the heated stare of another, brows twitching at the way you laugh and play along with Yeonjun.

After a moment though, you feel it— your head is turning before you can really process it, and you’re meeting eyes with Soobin, who looks… well, pissed off.

Before you can get a good look at his face, he’s standing abruptly; taking long strides to where you are, your heart beginning to pound at the sight of him slowing to a stop next to you. 

“Meet me outside.” His voice is gruff and on edge as he whispers the words lowly to you, walking off without another word as you simply turn to watch— because of course he wouldn’t try to get Yeonjun off you or outwardly ask for your attention, choosing instead to relay you a quiet message before he’s off, regardless of the way everyone sends him a confused look as they watch him leave. 

“He looks mad,” Yeonjun hums, watching as you shrug his arm off gently, “Gonna try to talk to him?”

You sigh, hoping he doesn’t see the way your hands grab at the hem of your shirt anxiously. 

“Yeah,” you say, then you’re off, barely able to turn the corner once you’ve exited before you’re harshly pulled by none other than Soobin.

“Ow— what the fuck—!” Soobin’s hold on your wrist is bruising as he pushes you into the room next door, a changing room that’s not meant to hold multiple people as he simply locks the door behind him and pushes you against the wall; he doesn’t bother to turn on the lights as he approaches you— the light that comes through the frosted window on the door becomes the only thing that allows you to see Soobin’s frustrated expression. 

“Had fun flirting with the others?” He asks, his lips so close that you’re able to feel the puff of his breath as he huffs in frustration— the room is so small as you press yourself against the wall, feeling as though Soobin is filling your senses and making you dizzy, “Was that your little way to try and get my attention? Because it fucking worked, you poor little thing.”

“The fuck are you talking about?” you hiss, pressing a hand against Soobin’s chest as you feel him try to swoop in to kiss you, his hands already sliding under the hem of your shirt to trace shapes along your skin, “I’m friends with the others too, you know.”

“Have you always been this friendly with them? Hmm?” he asks, slotting a knee between your legs as you’re left to look up at him speechlessly, “What, gonna try to fuck them next?” 

“Dude, what’s your fucking problem!” you hiss, punctuating your words with a punch to his chest as you glare at him, not lost upon the fact that his thigh is pressed firmly against your cunt, your skirt fanning along his leg and hiding the way he’s flexing and pushing it against you.

“And if I wanted to, then what?” you ask, pretending as though you haven’t given in to the way Soobin’s hands are guiding your hips, making you grind against him as he feels the way you become wet by his actions, “What’ll you do, get jealous? Try to stop me? That wouldn’t be very professional of you— I might as well ask Yeonjun if he’s free after this.”

“Don’t get fucking smart with me,” He says, a hand coming up to grab your cheeks and tilt your head toward him, “I’m not letting any other bitch get with you, touching what’s mine.”

It’s just his arrogance and possessiveness talking again— at least that’s what you tell yourself, failing to hold back your weak whimper as you roll your hips against him, feeling him press against your hip and rut his hard cock against you slowly. 

“I’m not fucking yours,” you grit out, your words muffled as you try to speak through the hold that Soobin still has on you, “The only reason why we’re still friends is so you can get a good fuck, don’t lie—”

Soobin is kissing you before you can finish your sentence— if he wasn’t angry before, he definitely was now, his teeth clashing against yours as he kisses you roughly and without control, a mess of spit as he bites down on your lip, drinking in your pained moan before he’s slipping his tongue in to get a taste.

He’s noticed the way your hips have begun to move erratically; your hands are gripping tightly at his shirt, probably stretching it out as you continue to moan into his mouth, a hand guiding your movements as he flexes and presses his thigh firmer against you, his free hand letting go of your face to slip under your shirt and get access to your breasts as he begins to roll and pinch your nipples between his fingers. 

“Do you like it when I treat you like this?” he asks breathlessly, finally pulling away to watch the way a string of saliva continues to connect you— the sight is filthy and has your brows furrowing as you bite your swollen lips in hopes to muffle your sounds, “Like you’re nothing more than a fucktoy for me to use after my shows? A good little thing to take my stress out on?”

The pleasure is beginning to build up— there’s a tight knot in your stomach, making your brain go foggy as you feel the way your clit rubs against Soobin’s thigh every time you angle your hips a certain way, feeling as you soak your panties and his sweats the longer you rut against him.

Soobin simply watches you with a small smile; his eyes are lidded as he leans back, eyes glued to the way you roll your hips against him, weak whines becoming louder and more frantic as you begin to pull at his shirt with wide, teary eyes. 

But before you can finally cum, he pulls away. You’re whining softly at the loss, hitting his chest petulantly as you curse at him under your breath— before you can land another hit, he grabs your wrists, freezing you entirely as he sends you a sly look, leaning in so he can whisper in your ear.

“You’ll let me fuck you, right? You can always go to someone else if you need to cum,” he says, waiting for your response as he begins to kiss and suck at the spot just under your ear, knowing how sensitive you are as he feels the way you attempt to curl into yourself.

“Fuck you,” you whine out, attempting to shake his hold off you, only to fail— he simply laughs softly, sinking his teeth into the marked flesh as he listens to the yelp you let out. 

“I’m trying,” he huffs out, finally pulling away as he sends you a childish grin, “Now be good and turn around for me, okay sweet thing?”

The nickname catches you so off guard that you don’t protest the way Soobin turns you around without another word, your cheek pressed against the wall and your hands held behind your back as you continue to curse at him quietly— and judging by the way Soobin simply laughs softly, he’s definitely enjoying himself, shameless as ever as you listen to the sounds of shifting behind you.

You hope he doesn’t notice the way your breath hitches as you feel him push your panties aside, his tip brushing against your entrance— swiping at your leaking slit to gather your wetness, clearly teasing you as he takes in the way you try to push back against him, letting out a soft please as you feel his tip sink into you slightly, feeling the way you stretch around him before he’s pulling back out.

“Please? Why are you begging for me, baby?” he asks, slowly beginning to push in as he watches you rest your forehead against the wall, letting out a shaky sigh at the stretch, “I’m not here for you— you can go to another one of your toys if you’re looking for someone to worship you.”

You can’t bring yourself to say anything as you feel him bottom out inside you— no matter how many times you find yourself in this situation, you can never get used to it, the size of him enough to have your eyes rolling back as you feel his tip prod at your cervix, hips flush against your ass as he begins to grind softly into you. 

It’s not enough— not for you, and certainly not for him, though he refuses to give you the pleasure of fucking you stupid so soon as he watches instead the way you begin to squirm, wanting more as you hang your head and try to fuck yourself against him— all attempts are quickly stopped as Soobin uses a hand to still your movement, firm on your waist and forcing you back against the wall as the other continues to bind your hands, pressing your fists against the small of your back and watching with a sly smile as you begin to arch in response. 

“Why are you so quiet?” he asks softly, leaning in to trail kisses along your neck, continuing his slow and agonizing pace, “Usually you’re so loud I have to keep a hand on your mouth.”

You refuse to give into him— refuse to let him hear what he wants, ignoring the ache between your legs and the fire in your stomach that just begs to be put out— but the way you’re leaking around Soobin’s length and clenching around him is giving you away, and it’s enough to have you turning away from him in hopes that he won’t be able to read your expression. 

This proves to be harder than you expected; Soobin’s hand has let go of your waist in favor to play with your clit, nimble fingers circling and pinching the bud as he begins to thrust shallowly, listening to the way you try to swallow your sounds and keep your eyes shut at the feeling— it isn’t long before he’s building you up again, taking in the way your legs shake and you begin to push back against him subconsciously, giving away just how needy you are as your fists tighten. 

You’re close, so fucking close, maybe if you stay quiet Soobin won’t notice— but, for a man who insists you two aren’t anything, he’s eerily aware of the way your body gets when you’re about to cum— meaning, all his movement immediately stops the moment you’re about to tumble over the edge, bottoming out inside you and laughing mockingly as he listens to the broken sound you let out. 

“Fuck, I’m so tired from today’s show,” Soobin groans, resting his forehead on your shoulder, beginning his slow, shallow thrusts again after a moment, “You don’t mind if I take it slow tonight, do you?”

You say nothing— you have yet to say anything that would irritate or please Soobin, and that in itself is enough to egg him on— because even if you refuse to talk, the way your body trembles from his touch and you bite your lips to suppress sounds is enough to tell him all he needs to know. 

The way you clench around Soobin when he begins to play with your clit almost has him cumming— he has to concentrate on not doing so as he takes in the weak whine you let out, your previous orgasms being built up once more as you let out a shaky sigh, listening to the wet sounds that come from the way Soobin fucks you. 

You’re trying so hard to remain neutral as he winds you up— but god, he knows you like the back of his hand, his hips rutting and rolling into you as he does everything to make you go insane, already feeling your high creep up on your from how up-tight your body is. 

“Feels good?” He asks, using your hands as leverage as he pulls you back into him for a particularly harsh thrust— the suddenness of it has you moaning loudly, your lips immediately pressing together as you feel your face grow hot— Soobin’s cocky laugh is both annoying and hot and you hate yourself for feeling that way. 

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to say anything,” he grins, picking up his pace as he watches the way you begin to break, weak moans and whines leaving you from how harshly he thrusts his cock into you, “I’ll do all the work, just stand there and look pretty, okay?”

You can feel your high approaching— it’s intense and fast, and you’re barely able to process the way your mouth falls open as you begin to chase the feeling, ready to fall over the edge and cream all over Soobin’s cock when—-

Like an absolute jerk, he pulls out. 

“You know what?” he says, talking more to himself than anything as he turns you back around and tucks himself back in, your back colliding with the wall behind you as your breath hitches, watching as he falls to his knees and sends you an innocent look, “I haven’t tasted you in so long, baby— fuck, I can’t help myself, I’ll be quick.”

Soobin is never like this— you’ve only ever experienced quickies backstage, so to say that you’re surprised to see the man dragging things out here is an understatement, letting out a shaky sigh as he throws your leg over his shoulder and scoots closer to you, burying himself under your skirt without hesitation. 

You’re practically dripping on the floor— it’s even worse when his fingers begin to prod at your entrance, feeling the way your walls clench wildly at the feeling and your hips thrust toward the sensation; Soobin’s tongue licks at your clit teasingly, taking his time to trace circles around it as he finally sinks his fingers inside you, curling them and pressing against all your sensitive spots as he takes in the way you squirm above him. 

Soobin’s face is practically suffocated by your cunt— you’re not sure how long he does this for, but he proceeds to bring you close to orgasm only to pull away a few more times, listening to the way you begin to cry and plead a bit more with each one. 

At some point— your fifth ruined orgasm, you think you’ve lost count— you find yourself pulling at his hair and begging, the words stuttered out through hiccups as you feel hot tears stream down your cheeks, pleading Soobin to let you cum as you grind your pussy along his face, feeling his tongue dip to your entrance before he’s back to teasing your clit, laughing softly at the sound before he finally emerges from under your skirt— his face is shiny and flushed as he looks up at you, sending you a grin that only has you pouting even more. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks, feigning concern as he begins to run his hands along your thighs, waiting patiently for you to respond as he begins trailing kisses up your legs, hearing your soft sniffles as he reaches your inner thighs, “Aren’t you enjoying yourself?”

“Soobin,” you whine, shutting your eyes as you feel his swollen lips leave opened-mouthed kisses on your inner thighs, already soaked with your arousal as he licks it up, only to begin biting and sucking at the area leisurely, “Soobin please—please let me cum, wanna cum so bad, please.”

The sound of your begging is welcomed to his ears— he looks up at you through his lashes, sparkling eyes a stark contrast to the filthy way he continues to mark your thighs, ignoring your soft whines that others will see them, please binnie…

“Others will see them?” he repeats, clenching his jaw at the way you nod frantically, a clear concern in your eyes— slowly, he stands, hooking your leg over his waist as he presses himself against you, hissing softly at the way you immediately soak through his sweats, “So what? Let them see. That way they know what happens when we’re alone.”

“But… we shouldn’t— you said we need to keep this hidden…” His words are nothing but confusing— you’re sure it reads on your face, because Soobin is aligning his cock with your entrance once more, chuckling softly at your expression before he shakes his head in exasperation.

“Did I? Well, I don’t wanna hide it anymore,” he says, eyes lidded and filled with need as he sinks himself slowly into you; your eyes are threatening to flutter shut at the sensation, only to be stopped at the feeling of Soobin cupping your chin, telling you softly look at me. before he finally bottoms out.

“Want everyone to know you’re mine,” he says, and you’re more than ready to respond with another mean comment before he continues, “And that I’m all yours. Don’t want anyone else to touch you.”

“W…what—?” your words are being cut short by the feeling of him fucking into you again, a hand coming up to grab his shoulder and your leg pulling him in closer in fear of having your orgasm ruined again— Soobin simply huffs, his hands going to hold onto your hips to fuck into you better, indulging in your fucked out face and dazed eyes as he smiles softly; slowly, he’s leaning in, lips brushing against yours as he speaks. 

“‘m so fucking stupid for starting all this,” he laughs softly, holding back a moan at the way you clench around him, your nails digging into your shoulder slightly, “Told myself I’d never catch any feelings like this— fuck, look at me now…”

“Just wanna keep you for myself— maybe I’m being selfish but… fuck,” you think you’re getting the gist of what he means— your free hand comes up to tangle itself in his hair as you close the gap between the two of you, hoping that you’re not misinterpreting his words as you feel him fuck you faster, setting a rhythm that has your eyes rolling back and your mouth falling open, so wound up from tonight that you think your legs might give out any moment now. 

“Soobin,” you whine out, pulling at his hair and shirt as you begin bucking your hips at him, trying to fuck yourself on his cock as you whine, “Please let me cum— please please please, need it so bad, just wanna cum, please?”

The way you’re whining and begging is more than enough to Soobin; he’s gripping your hips and fucking you harder, eyes widening slightly at the way your sounds increase in volume, too fucked dumb to even realize.

“Shit,” Soobin grits out, planting his hand on your mouth and telling you to quiet down, “You were really holding back, huh? There’s my girl, all loud and pretty for me.”

He’s cooing softly at the way tears well up in your eyes and spill promptly after; running over his skin, biting at his lip to suppress sounds of his own as he feels the way you become impossibly tight around him.

“You gonna cum? Pretty doll just wants to cream my cock, finally had enough of me using you, right?” The way you’re nodding mindlessly only spurs Soobin on, insanely turned on by the way you’ve become fucked stupid, “Come on baby, show me how good you feel, been waiting patiently to cum, such a perfect doll.”

He’s cooing softly and talking you through your orgasm— you don’t even realize that your legs have given out, and Soobin’s hands are flying to support you as he holds you up, pressing himself fully against you and grinding his hips into you as your head falls on his shoulder; your sounds are muffled by the fabric of his hoodie as you bury your head further into him, pressed entirely against the wall and left to Soobin’s mercy as you allow him to continue rutting into you slowly.

“Binnie,” you whine out, right next to his ears as you begin to speak quietly to him, “Want you to cum inside, fill me up please? Never wanted any other guys but you, just wanna feel you cum inside, please…”

Your soft pleas set Soobin off immediately— his hips are bucking into you so roughly that your body is jolting with every thrust, his head burying itself in your neck as he lets out a soft groan— you then feel the way he fills you up, warm cum staying inside from the way he continues to fuck you well after he’s calmed down, his shuddering breaths on your skin enough to know that how sensitive he is.

For a moment, you just stay there; pressed against the wall as Soobin slowly pulls his cock out of you, feeling the way his release begins to drip out from how much he filled you— your chest is heaving against his as you attempt to catch your breath, legs still weak as you take advantage of Soobin’s strength to help hold you up. 

Soobin’s arms wrap around your waist; he’s pulling you in even closer, your bodies melting together as he nuzzles his head into your neck, inhaling slowly as your own hesitant hands come up to embrace Soobin.

“Sorry I was so horrible to you,” he says, littering kisses on the exposed skin of your neck before he continues, “But I did mean that whole thing about catching feelings— the timing’s horrible, I know— but….”

You hum softly, as though lost in thought, “How long have you felt like this?”

“I… this whole time,” he admits, his face growing hotter at the confession, “I was just in denial half the time we did this whole thing— god, why do you think I suggested it in the first place…?”

You hold back a laugh— Soobin however, is nervous at your lack of reaction, pulling away from his hiding place to analyze your expression.

“I’m sorry. Is this weird? I understand if you don’t feel the same way, I’m really sorry if you felt uncomfortable with anything I did today, I seriously don’t know what I was thinking—“

You’re cutting him off with a kiss— but it’s gentle this time, and you really take a moment to feel his soft lips as you feel him smile against you, his cheeks warm under your touch as you finally pull away. 

“Soobin,” you say softly, smiling fondly at the way he lets out a soft hmm? in response, “I feel the same. But yeah, you were a fucking jerk with me.”

“I’m sorry,” he says immediately, cupping your face as he sports the look of a kicked puppy, eyes filled with nothing but guilt, “I’m sorry, I seriously never meant to go that far, I should’ve just asked you out like a normal person instead of being so mean.”

“I don’t know,” you say, pouting softly as his eyes widen softly, seemingly afraid of what you might say; you simply peck at his lips chastely, unable to hold back your laugh at his expression, “I kinda liked it.”

Your words are horribly confusing to Soobin— but hey, at least he knows how you feel.