homous on syntikkapoppia

another idea for how reviews should work: you're strapped to a chair with two IVs, and every bad review sends a little pump of that blue euthanasia juice for dogs into your left arm, and every good review sends a little pump of jones cream soda into your right arm

sometimes i have strong opinions but they're also so inane that halfway through writing a post i'll be like "yeah, this is Absolutely not worth the energy it's taking" and delete everything. but then the opinion is still in my head. and i still want to share it. so within five minutes i go "you know, i bet i can phrase it more succinctly this time" and anyway. you all see where this is going. sometimes i do this four times in a row before i give up on the specific inane opinion and instead write a vague post about the concept of opinions as if that'll satisfy the urge to post the entirety of my inner monologue online. may or may not be relevant to what you're reading right now. and now all our lives have been enriched. you're welcome

SMOKED SALMON IS THE ONLY THING THAT NUMBS THE PAIN