fairy of procrastination

・　you were a demon from hell long before you had died and woken up down there.

・　the last days of your mortal life were spent the same as the ones that came before. you would wake up and open your bakery at six forty-five on the dot, and spend eight hours serving customers from your selection of baked goods.

・　after you closed up shop for the day, you would venture out onto the town. sometimes you would promote the bakery, other times you would hang out with your friends.

・　you were well known in your town, and even out of it, for being an incredible baker. every pastry you made or new recipe you created turned out to be delectable. your bubbly and charismatic nature made it easy for people to like you too.

・　it was your cheerful nature that made it easy to drive in customers — and convince individuals to join you for a baking session.

・　it was mostly always random. sometimes you would get overzealous and bring someone in whose number didn’t come up, but special opportunities called for special circumstances.

・　the process was simple. lure your target into the bakery, have them digest the laced cupcake sedative, drag them to the basement and restrain them, and then make sure you have all your tools!

・　what happened after they woke up was circumstantial, which was the best part! you love love LOVE surprises! it would always end the same way though, with them bloodied, tortured, disemboweled then dead. you didn’t like when they faded too soon, so after the first couple times of them passing out on you, the adrenaline shots made it into your arsenal.

・　it was extra work, but people were so inconsiderate sometimes. so, you’ll carry the burden just to make sure you get more time with them.

・　your last day alive started similarly. you ran out of ingredients for your special cupcakes a couple days ago, and the individual chosen — one of your friends actually — had to cancel on the day you wanted to harvest your ingredients, so here you were, on a sunday, waiting patiently for them to arrive.

・　you had just managed feed them the cupcake and drag them into your basement when they woke up. you accidentally gave them the child dosage instead of the adult.

・　everything would’ve been just fine if your tool table hadn’t been on the opposite side of the room. your friend was bigger and stronger than you, and one look at the blood-stained room and trophies of people’s skulls that adorned the walls was enough to get them to shoot upwards and shove you away.

・　you tried to get them to calm down, you really did, but the reassurance in your tone didn’t work. they were heaving and crying simultaneously at the smell and sight. fortunately, you had an empty syringe with you, a small few stab wounds should buy you enough time to grab them and strap them to the table. you didn’t want them dead just yet.

・　if you had any knowledge on human emotions, you would have noticed that the fear and betrayal in their eyes has shifted to anger, and the moment you had taken a step towards them, they tackled you down to the floor.

・　in hindsight, there was nothing you could’ve said or done to stop them from taking a fistful of your hair and using it to slam your head repeatedly onto the floor. if you were to assume, the sight of the mixture of the blood and brain matter circling your head would have closely resembled an egg.

・　you faded away only a little while after they started sobbing and heaving over you again. really, it was so rude to subject you to that pathetic display in your last few moments. what a baby.

・　and so, you died. with just a blink your surroundings had changed. it was still mostly red, but you were looking up at the sky instead of old splatters of blood on the grey concrete walls of your basement.

・　the first couple of years of your afterlife were spent with the fellow cannibal and overlord, rosie. she had been the one to get you situated in hell, and even offered you the position of baker in her tearoom after tasting some of your treats.

・　actually, your baked goods were loved by everyone in cannibal town! people would often bring victims to you instead of devouring them on the sidewalk, you made them taste so much better.

・　you didn’t need to hide your true intentions in cannibal town, and especially not around rosie. everyone was perfectly accepting of your murderous nature, and your natural charisma and affinity for torturing your next meals was welcome. the fear made them taste sweeter.

・　not much changed when rosie brought the radio demon back into the fold. you caught a quick glimpse of him on the day he reappeared, but resumed to focus your attentions on the new icing recipe you were experimenting with; the juices from the blended thyroid gland were proving to be promisingly sweet so far, but you wanted to experiment with a mixture of vital organs too, perhaps right after you had taken them from the body. the fresher they were, the better they taste.

・　you were so lost in thought whilst stirring, you didn’t even notice alastor’s attention slipping from rosie to you, several times.

・　the months passed and the stable routine you had perfected for yourself continued. by now, everyone had heard rumours that princess morningstar was trying to promote her redemption hotel to little avail.

・　redemption was a funny concept to you. your life in hell was arguably even more fulfilling than it had been when you were alive, you didn’t even need to use the lottery numerical system to choose your victims anymore! nobody cared or even noticed if a denizen of hell went missing.

・　your first proper introduction to alastor was when he brought charlie down to cannibal town to gain support for the battle against the exorcists.

・　you skip over and offer some refreshments — buttered crackers and human liver pâté, and an array of finger foods (literally) that makes the princess cringe and shake her head. oh well, her loss.

・　rosie ushers charlie outside, but alastor stays behind to compliment you on your culinary skills. he informs you that he often has items from your bakery reserved and then delivered to him at the hotel. what a charmer! you don’t blame him for loving your treats, you’ve had years of practice by now.

・　alastor is intrigued by you; you don’t have the common look that cannibal town residents do. you’re an eyesore of bright pinks, blues, and yellows, and your hair is a bounty of untamed curls. for having such a bright appearance, you sure do know how to handle human flesh.

・　you help the hotel with the battle against heaven too. angel flesh proves to be delectable, and much sweeter than human or hell-born. you experiment with a few savoury dishes for alastor too, since they seem to be his preference. he’s around rosie’s a lot more frequently recently.

・　which also means that he’s spending more time around you.

・　you’ve built up a bit of a name for yourself in hell, so people aren’t all that surprised to see you and the radio demon strolling the streets of hell together. mostly they’re terrified that they would be your next victim, or meal. in the majority of situations, both.

・　achieving overlord status would be easy for you, but your affinity for a violent and traumatic death brings you more joy than owning someone’s soul ever could. power means virtually nothing to you.

・　this mindset is actually great when considering a romantic relationship with alastor. he needs to be with someone who is equal to him in terms of power and ability, but he would still need to be above you in some sense. having a partner completely uninterested in the material value of souls and public hierarchy, but still having the means to obtain them if they wished — or even gain them for him — would be a perfect arrangement.

・　i think in this case opposites attract. you’re not that different if you think about it though. visually, the two of you couldn’t be further apart, but personality and lore-wise, you’re quite similar.

・　your presences in hell were shaped by similar sins, you’re both cannibals who share a passion for gore, outwardly you’re both perfectly polite and sociable, despite being incredibly cruel and manipulative, and you have a common connection via rosie.

・　alastor thought you were a delight to be around even before he was entertaining the thought of you two as partners, but after, you’re on a different level.

・　he would be lying if he said he didn’t feel a thrill when he watched you lure an unsuspecting sinner back to your home, and he’d be an even bigger liar if he said that watching you peel their skin away like you would a hangnail didn’t enthral him.

・　even then, you wouldn’t be any less bubbly, unless your victim dared to pass out from the pain or just gave up and died. in those situations alastor would watch you visibly deflate, and your bright colours would become less saturated. almost as if the tearful whimpers and screams of pain charged your battery, and the second they stopped before you were ready, it would zap straight down to 0%.

・　you’re so wrong in all the right ways. there’s no shame in being yourselves around each other. that’s something that the both of you had lacked in your mortal lives, and even lacked down in hell.

・　from the start, you had let alastor sit in on your ‘sessions’.

・　don’t get it twisted, alastor has done his own fair share of torturing, and it’s something he enjoys. a hobby, if you will. that doesn’t mean he’s any less taken aback by your methods and the glee when you taunt your victim — but that’s only because you look so… childish. he just didn’t expect anything like that from you, he hadn’t anticipated you being on his level, or even surpassing it.

・　he’d make time in his day to watch you toy with your chosen meat puppet, make japes at their expense, prolong their suffering, try to elicit some reactions. you liked playing with your food, that was something you both had in common.

・　sometimes you’d be in the mood for a little audience participation. alastor would play along and make his own jests, or assist you with the extraction of organs as the patient made weak noises of protest at the forced surgery.

・　naturally, you’re a compulsive being, so alastor has to put some strict boundaries in place to not harm the current inhabitants of the hazbin hotel. you didn’t have any desire to in the first place, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

・　you’re a polite person! little princess morningstar made it possible to make your angel-infused recipes. you wouldn’t dare to repay such a gift with violence! even if you thought she and her angel girlfriend would taste delicious. you know how to restrain yourself.

・　best of all, rosie approves! (even though nobody else in hell does). alastor is still yanking at his leash but when he’s around you, it’s little more than a brief tug.

・　the cutest part of the two of you being together, in my opinion, is the fact that the both of you know exactly what the other is, what they do, why they do it, and neither of you care. any normal person would try to ‘fix’ your impurities, not indulge them. the two of you understand that the things you do could be seen as evil, even by hell’s standards. but you’ve found and stayed with each other regardless.