It does not feel like a last meal.
That final meal, meant to symbolize the death that comes after, is not what Olivia feels while Hanzo joins her at the large dinner table.
It's hope that the woman feels.
Hope that this is a dinner, a large variety of different cuisines, of small and grand pleasures of who they are both, that is meant to fuel a battle that will end in victory. The optimism that the sun goddess has always carried, now carries on onto the jazz singer.
It is why Olivia does not look at the commander right away, grabbing her plate, then a bowl, to serve herself the earthy stew. There is that excitement, that enthusiastic devotion the singer carries when it comes to food, and sharing it, creating it with, the one she holds dear.
Abruptly, because the bond between them is powerful and tight knit, does her sapphire eyes glance up to Hanzo. At the way he holds his cup of tea. Catching how the candles that she has set, lit with matches as any ordinary person would, flicker and illuminate against the features of the man. Cheekbones and jaw caressed by the light of the heat. Those small strands of silver that have grown against his midnight colored hair showing visible in the candlelight.
He is thinking. Looming silently on what is to come after this meal. Hanzo's mind still focused on what is in that cavern, that monster of rube scales and a slithering body, lurking in the back of her thoughts the way a nightmare is after awakening and forgetting about it when sunlight hits her thoughts.
Olivia serves herself, carefully now, slowly, as she allows these thoughts and emotions to dance with her delight and hunger. It does not make her uncomfortable, not truly, because she does not feel worry or anxiety from the commander. A scoop of the stir-fry. A ladle full of lamb stew. A hefty serving of the creamy pasta. They all are portioned and set in front of her, the jazz singer still allowing herself to read and feel Hanzo.
She does not mean to. As a sun goddess, Olivia would be able to push away these thoughts and the emotions but as a mortal woman, who is incapable of mastering what she is at her core, is not as majestic and trained. All Olivia can do is take what Hanzo is feeling in stride. Inhaling slowly, half smiling at the aromas of the meal they've created, and sentience of patience collides with her because of Hanzo.
Guarding. Waiting. Protecting a location that was not it's place to protect to begin with. The birth, of being created by someone who aims to corrupt the sanctuary that the sun goddess once resided in, reaches her. The creature, that beast that Olivia had seen in the darkness of her cavern, created for the sole reason to be a trap for others or her. Someone who knew her. Someone who held a knowledge, a map, of who she was a as sun goddess. Someone who did their homework and became elite in it. That fact alone is enough to make her already trouble stomach churn and Olivia stops where she holds the spoon to her mouth, ready to taste the stew, and closes her eyes as she inhales sharply.
It is an unfamiliar experience. To be one with someone like this. To feel what Hanzo feels, beyond the facial expressions, different than the actions that have been conducted when words are not enough, and certainty in the history they share as goddess and grandmaster.
This is vastly different. Heavy and light at the same time. Bright and yet carrying a darkness that Olivia cannot describe in the english language.
It distracts her but there is no annoyance in this. There were only a few times, in this life and the last, where Hanzo Hasashi has spurred frustration within her person and this is not one of them. This is Hanzo solidifying his promise to her. How in these thoughts, as he holds his tea cup, the green tea and jasmine prepared perfectly within it, carries hellfire.
The sun goddess has always felt the grandmaster's hellfire. That flame the Shirai Ryu leader carried with him for as long as she can remember. Without the insignia, it has always remained, and her divinity could only sit next to it with a loving smile to give.
Now⦠now Olivia feels it. It does not hum the way her light does. It burns, sears, and thrives the way it's hellish home does. It does not whisper, the way her fire does, but groans, growls, and exists in a sphere of constant determination and discord.
This is what Hanzo carries and will remain so until who knows how long. The spoonful of stew goes into her mouth, tasting, chewing, swallowing, as this truth sits with her. An epiphany hits the woman at this knowledge of the commander. The control, the exhaustion, it must take to keep this hellfire settled without combusting. Even as they share this meal, this peace of domesticity the way couples would do, the hellfire does not cease it's existence.
Sapphire eyes gaze at Hanzo, softening, without saying a word to him as her spoon settles back into the bowl of stew. There is worry. Concern for what he feels. There is not an ounce of feeling of failure from the man but Olivia can sense something off regardless of that drive to go into that dark place underneath the earth's crust.
"Heh." Olivia chuckles, hearing what he says finally, speaking of the stir-fry, of how her stove does not reach the required heat to properly cook the vegetables the way he is used to.
Olivia hears, feels, the humor from Hanzo and appreciates it. That quiet and somehow humble sense of humor that always gets a grin and giggle from her. A grin that curls up on her lips now, as Hanzo serves her the onigiri, a faint blush blossoming on her cheeks.
Could Hanzo feel this? The softness that she feels when he gives her such a loving gesture? It blooms within her, defenseless and open, no longer hidden, not anymore, ever since they have created this bond together through the mark on his chest.
He must know. He has to know. Words could not describe it anyway. A bond, this tattoo created from her divinity, meant to remain with the commander even when his body has become ash.
Olivia takes the onigiri, careful than she was before, and brings it up for a bite. The chewy texture, the sticky grain of rice that's molded by the calloused hands of the commander, and the faint taste of salt with it. This instance is what provides the singer a chance to induldge in their dinner. Reaching for the plate of stir-fry she served for herself, grabbing chopsticks, picking up a hefty amount between the utensil and eats.
Her stomach is in control now. The exhaustion from the last twenty-fours must be sated, regardless of what Hanzo is thinking, of what she might be feeling about him, and what will come after the meal.
The stew is perfect. The grilled fish, the way Olivia had not told Hanzo how to prepare, is cooked the way she likes it. She turns to the stir-fry again, then the pasta, and feels no shame in this gluttony. The fuel needed for her body to recover, after sleep can do nothing for her now, is one Olivia cannot afford to feel embarrassed about. Soon two of her plates are clean, the onigiri but a few specks of rice against the edge of her plate, and Olivia reaches for the iced water, gulping and exhaling loudly afterwards, but her appetite is still not filled. The sun goddess, daughter of a the star that brings life, carries a molten energy within her that cannot be filled after two plates.
Hanzo can feel this. The hunger that is compelling and ruling over the sun goddess who has never needed nutrition such as this. Olivia's own memories come to her, not of the long lost past, but of recent memories. Of their meeting in the commander's work cafeteria, where she had lost her temper, where Hanzo had spoke to her of proper consumption and carbohydrates. Of orange slices and roasted chicken. She had not forgotten these words, these tidbits of knowledge, knowing the commander must of spoken of them for her own regard, the two sharing that voracious appetite to keep their bodies from crumbling by the weight of hellfire and sun.
Olivia's gaze goes to Hanzo, who holds his tea, who merely is gazing at her as she yields to this sin, curious to what he is thinking of her right now. That loving gaze, tenderhearted and sweet, as she sets down her glass of water and leans forward to lean against her hands, resting her chin there.
She allows her hunger to linger, to allow Hanzo to feel the gentleness she feels for him, not just the commander, not just Scorpion or grandmaster Hasashi, but for him. Just Hanzo. The man who continues to amaze her with each encounter they share, the good and the bad. Hears those three words, the careful compliment that speaks truth in it, and the bond between them glows.
The insignia glows. Olivia can see it underneath his shirt. How it warms and heals and thrives.
Then the orange slice is given. The sun goddess who guides the sun, the woman who sings the the blues at night, can feel a titter of enjoyment escape her, almost silent in how it comes. Shoulders shaking, nose wrinkling, and her hand that was underneath her chin goes for the orange slice that was placed on her plate for her.
Olivia takes it, brings it to her lips, and bites down on the fleshy fruit. Tangy and sweet. The citrus a kind taste compared to the savory meal they are having. Hanzo drinks his tea and with it, she can feel his thoughts, of how he promises himself that he will return to this, to her, and the concern the woman felt for her beloved subsides.
The hellfire burns between them now and the Olivia serves herself another plate, knowing Hanzo will join her in this feast just as soon, and after it he will triumph in conquering the evil that is within her cavern.
The meal is finished. Empty platters, stained with pasta sauce, tea cups that carry that darken circle within it's porcelain, and chopsticks and settled down properly against their holders. The candles sticks melted, barely half of what they were when Olivia had lit them, and they still remain vibrant with what life they still hold.
The jazz singer gives one last bite to her dessert. A warm, mess of sweet potatoes, smothered in butter and cinnamon, and allowing the taste to rest with her before swallowing. It is a dish Hanzo prepared and one that she knows settles with him due to his discomfort with sweets. A treat, one last savory dish, before they two stand up from the dining table and begin to clean the mess of their meal.
Olivia was stern about not worrying about dishes, reminding Hanzo not out of thinking he would forget but because it was something she needed to push. Opting to place most of their plates, platters, and glasses into a dishwasher. It would provide her a small comfort in what is about to be done after this. Hanzo doesn't argue, because he knows better than to do so, and she can feel the prevision that begins to grow from him.
Already the commander is thinking about his uniform. The armor. The colors of the Shirai Ryu. What weapons to take, what artillery could be useful within the caverns if it was possible, and Olivia already has an answer for those thoughts.
"Don't take a gun, darlin'. Those caverns⦠you could cause an accident to happen with the force. They are pure rock, sturdy, but the power of a bullet is not one I have ever tested down there." How could she? A sun goddess had no use for guns or bombs or machines all those eons ago. "I would not want you crushed because of something mankind has created to kill."
The sun goddess slips out of her in those words, icy and annoyed and the insignia against Hanzo's chest burns from what she feels.
"Come. I have to make you a map. I have to remember how to make a portal for you." To remember how she felt the day she went in that cavern alone, where she found the once chipped kunai, and the room to which Hanzo would need to venture into. The commander gives Olivia a look, almost inquisitive and jaw tense, and she pouts at him.
"Yer portals won't get ya there, Hanzo. Not without me. Yer resilient but a portal to my cavern is⦠not an easy technique to do. I'm not doubtin' yer hellfire. I feel it better than I ever have in knowin' you but even the strongest of sorcerer's could never get in there without my permission or magic."
Unless that sorcerer was half god.
The kitchen is cleared. Pots and pans temporarily discarded to the sink to soak and the two returning to the jazz singer's bedroom.
Map, a map⦠Olivia wonders to herself, trying to think of how she can write this out, and what paper was long enough. Rummaging through her collection of notebooks and lyrical notes, of those lines filled with songs that have not been written, until she finally settles upon a long box, opening it, the scent of something familiar hitting her and she smiles as she pulls the box out from her drawer.
"My father gave these to me when I got my first shot at writin' a single to release. I never used 'em because they were made for orchestras. I thought maybe one day I would but⦠my band is too small to ever perform with such a range." She opens the box, the fresh clean sheet music coming out the way paper does when moved, a soft rustling as Olivia holds the paper. "It's fragile but big enough for you to use. Luckily the path within the cavern isn't to complex for me to draw out."
A blue pen is taken and Olivia settles on her bed, the one they had shared hours before, before patting down next to her to Hanzo to join. The commander joins her, this tenderness radiating with him, and the jazz singer can't help but feel bashful at it when they sit side by side. She clears her throat, pen in hand, before she begins to give an outline to the best of her abilities.
"When you arrive you will be greeted with darkness. There is no light within the cavern in most areas, as I held no need for it given my ability to glow. Be careful, darlin'. There are slopes, uneven surfaces an' debris. I did not make the cavern for anyone to venture easily an' I⦠made sure there was no handrails or concrete pathways. It is pure rock an' sand."
"But-" Olivia draws out the trail on paper, knowing it by heart, to the direction of where left and right that Hanzo must take in the darkness. "-the closer you get to the door I need you to find, you will be greeted by light. Candles. Maybe incense. It will sense my magic on you an' activate. There will be wooden structures an' timber supports. Sand paintings. Created by myself. Depicting the sun, my sun, our sun. Follow my art, darlin'. Follow it until you find that door made of pine an' my symbol on it." The same symbol on Hanzo's chest. "It is the only door within my cavern. Any other door⦠is not mine. There should be no other doors."
Her voice murmurs now, sounding unsure, frightened that whoever who has tampered with her sanctuary, might have created traps or distractions away from the center of her home. Olivia's fingers tremble, shaking against the sheet music, and it stops when Hanzo takes her wrist, grounding her, his thumb pressing against the pulse that has quickened at the anxiety that spikes.
The fear, one rare within a sun goddess, trickles out of her. Her breathing quickens slightly and Olivia can't help but lean against Hanzo now, trying to keep herself from overthinking, from not worrying about what could have tainted her home and touched her refuge when her days as an immortal felt too much. The sheet music in her paper, along with the pen, loosen in her grip and she allows it to rest against her lap, as Olivia can feel Hanzo pull her against him.
"I'm okay, I promise, I'mβ¦" sorry. Sapphire eyes glance into Hanzo's amber ones, sighing, relaxing as he holds her face, thumbs brushing against her cheeks, and their foreheads touch. It's a moment of weakness, overanalyzing what has happened to her almost-home while she was shattered, trying to remember how it happened to begin with.
Yet those thoughts dwindle, Hanzo sustaining Olivia with his touch, his gaze, his voice, of directing her how to breath and how to remain calm. That yes, someone has tampered with her sanctuary, but she is safe because he is here and nothing will touch her while he is.
Hanzo already knowing she is going to apologize. The how her voice cracks against his as he holds her and Olivia can't help but give him that small defeated smile knowing he's succeeding in calming her down.
"Give me a second. I can do this, we can do this, I know we can." The commander nods against her and she leans back, parting from him, her slender fingers returning to grab the pen and paper, spreading it out on her lap evenly, and gives another sigh to calm the tension in her shoulders.
"Inside my room, you'll see a bed, an' a couple dressers." Armoires. Tall and wide, inside them holding dresses and shoes and possibly weapons. Yet these trinkets are not what she wants the grandmaster to bring. "What I want you to find is a large strongbox. A chest. Whatever you wanna call it. Wooden an' heavy with a coat of emerald paint an' lined with gold. You can't truly miss the thing once you see it." And this is the demand Olivia is not sure Hanzo can do but must ask of him. "I need the entire box. Everythin' inside of it? Is precious to me. My.. memories. Some of my weapons. Documents an' jewelry an' gifts. Tokens of love an' friendship. These items can help me, darlin'. They can help me remember what I was. What I cannot figure out on my own."
The pen gives it's last line of directions, an awful doodle of the strongbox that Olivia describes, before drawing a blue circle around it.
"I don't know if you can lift it but when you do, when you find it, summon me. Call for me an' I will open my portal. You will return here an' you will be safe too."
As for the creature with the ruby scalesβ¦
The insignia burns between them again. Vibrant and golden. The worry Olivia holds for Hanzo growing as she thinks about the reptile that might be hiding within her cavern, ready to strike, ready to kill, at anyone who might venture down there.
"As a goddess, I meant what I said when I asked you to kill that thing in my home, but as a woman, as a mortal, I am⦠scared, Hanzo. I know you will return, I know you will kill an' return to me as you always do, my hope has not dwindled about this, but I am scared."