a jumble of nautical puzzle pieces

For YEARS I missed being closer with him and searched for that bond and wanted to reach out more and I was Always fucking reigned in by other parts and now he’s fucking gone and I Never got to have that bond back. Literally fuck everyone.

I am sick of having to accept unspeakable things.

I feel like I am letting the other parts down. I was made to protect us but the way I was created makes me more adept at putting us in harms way than protecting us… when it comes to this specific situation. I hate it and I hate that I’m failing but I also hate being held back.

I’m upset that we didn’t get to see him once more before everything went down.

It’s so funny and a little odd to me that other parts think of Will as the system dad when like… that is a literal child. Like he is 17 at most. That is not your father that is a baby with trauma.

I’m here and it’s been a second and like. the whole system is now being run by parts I don’t have a ton of contact with. And I don’t know what to do with that but it makes me feel a little weird about being here.

I’m more than just the one who stayed.

I was so close to hanging up my role. To unburdening. To living without that being my purpose.

Me and Will are absolutely hopeless lmao but at least we have each other