#cady post

I just can’t help it; it fits in so clearly with my image of myself. But I don’t know why. I’m from a single night, when we were 13. I exist in the confines of that night.

I feel much older than 13, and identify more with our current age, but my entire self is based off that night. We weren’t drinking then.

There was an instance a few weeks after the event that spawned me where we drank to cope with a hard situation. I think there were a few times in the month prior. But I feel more connected to our modern relationship with drinking.

I think it’s to do with the feelings. The emotional numbness. The darkness. That there was so much water that night, and it almost looked like liquor beneath the moon. The fact that it happened on a holiday associated with drinking…

I wish it was easier to untangle all of this.

I remember being under the moonlight. I don’t remember the fireworks themself, but I remember the feelings.

I am a whisp. An idea. The consuming want to drink myself silly.

It hurts in here. But I withstand it.

THIS IS HAPPENING. A VISIT TO CADY IS HAPPENING SADGDGLSDFHASDFGAHSKLDFGASKDGLJASLHDFASDGASDFLASDFLASFDHASGKJSDGASDFASGFSDFSDFA.

happy birthday to one of my favorite people (okay maybe my actual favorite) to ever walk the earth, cady!!!

*you get chandler for your birthday only

p.s. never forget