Sometimes Alive

Date someone who will

Sometimes I look, But I don’t know who I see. This reflection in the mirror Is not who I used to be.

Your words hit me so hard, I’ve been bleeding ever since you spoke.

You told me you would love me despite my demons and help me defeat them. But in the end, you couldn’t even bring yourself to look them in the eye. Maybe now you understand why I tried to drown them.

You are fragile. You are capable of being broken. We all are. Stop acting as if everything’s fine. Cry. Scream. Let it all out. But don’t hurt yourself. Hurting yourself because you’re broken will make the situation worse. Speak out to someone. Seek for help. That doesn’t make you look weak. Having someone who listens to you will actually make you feel lighter. It’s as if they’re your umbrella amidst the storm; your pillar of strength. If it seems like no one’s on your side, you are definitely wrong. You are not alone. So go and start picking up the fragments and fix yourself.

You felt like the end of the world and I stood still in the face of your fury. I was burned up and turned to ash in your maddness. I was lost in your rage.

From the moment you are born you will have an impact on this world. Seven pounds of pure innocence wrapped up in a blanket, and you will have them wrapped around your fingers. They will feed you, nourish you, help you grow. They will teach you how to chew, swallow, and even help you rid the waste from your body. And every time they make you eat that mushy green stuff you don’t like, it’s for your own good. When you turn 8 they will take you to the doctor for your annual check up. They will place you on the scale and write numbers down in their folders. When you get home, you will have a whole new meal plan. There will be a schedule of when you can eat, you will be told what to eat, and you will be told how much of it you can eat. And every time they make you put back that extra cookie you wanted for dessert, it’s for your own good. When you turn 16 you will decide that you want to lose weight. You will skip meals, count calories, and drown yourself in water. You will drink energy drinks to make it through the day, and walk laps around the halls of your bully-ridden school during lunch period as a sad excuse for exercise and motivation. And every time they make you feel like shit, it’s for your own good. When you turn 24 you will decide you want to look the best you can. You will eat better while still eating what you want, you will do yoga, and you will drink the recommended amount of water. You will sleep better because of that and the wonderful people in your life, but not because you’ve beaten yours demons. And every time they make you hate yourself, it’s for your own good. From the moment you are born you will have an impact on this world. Unfortunately, it will most likely have a bigger impact on you. And every time you celebrate another year, it’s at your own demise.

Don’t live the same year 75 times and call it a life.

When your lover asks you why you’re so closed tell them about the book that you keep in your chest and how so many people ripped chapters out of you that you are now afraid that your spine might shatter if you move to the next page

I don`t want you to love the impression of me. I want you to love all of me. My good sides, and, indeed, the dark ones too. I want you to give me space for my dark day, and to love me even more because I am ordinary in many aspects. Are you strong enough to do that?

Happiness comes in waves. So I hope and I wonder, will it ever drown me?