H

"Papà! Papà!"

Angus was just cleaning in the kitchen, vacuuming under the table as per his lovely wife's request while she was at work, when their mini foccacia strolled in, waving a handdrawn flyer around and a self-affirmed ':3' on her face (just like her dad).

Amused, he turned the vacuum off for a moment and dusted his little apron before standing up straighter. "Oh? What is it, little Rosie?"

Sharp as a rosemary leaf, she perked up and cleared her throat before placing her hand on her puffed chest. "I, Rosemary Mikaleys-Ciprianni, do solemnly swear that I will become the best student council president [Elementary School] has ever seen! I will have the cafeteria make better (Italian) food, longer recess, and the teachers only give us one assignment per week! So vote for 02 on the ballot! Vote for Rosie!" She let out a quick, sharp exhale and panted a little as she looked her dad in the eyes. "What do you think?!"

Angus looked stunned for a moment before his daughter's voice pulled him out of his faux stupor and he started clapping. "Bravo, bravo!" He chuckled and reached out a hand to ruffle Rosemary's hair. Rosie pouted, having expected many types of reactions to her glorious speech, but not her dad messing up her hair like she was a child (she was).

"Pà, I need constructive criticism! And stop doing that, I'm already 7 years old!"

At that, Angus let out a small snort. "Constructive criticism, hm? Is my little Rosemary sure of this request? I've given thousands of constructive criticism before, you know."

"Then you're the most job fit person ever!"

"Haha, bene, bene," Angus was just kidding, but he thought he'd get his kid's enthusiastic streak going with that. "Well then, let's see here…" He pretended to think on it deeply by stroking his chin, and it seemed to work, with Rosie looking a lot more giddy for his response. "Ahh, it's too perfect, I can't possibly criticize it!"

"Pà!"

Angus chuckled and leaned against a chair for balance as he hummed 'thoughtfully'. He shut his eyes tight for maximum thinkability and Rosie's brows furrowed. "Hey! Don't go to sleep yet! You have to give me my constructive criticism!" Angus blinked his eyes open in shock as he feigned incredulousness. "My word, Rosie, your poor dad was just maximizing his thinking prowess! I wasn't planning to sleep on it."

"Hmph, you better!"

"Hmmmmm…"

"Hmm?"

"Hmmmmmm…"

"HMMMMMMMM?"

"Hm." Angus hummed a final time and opened his mouth just to close it back up.

"Hey!"

"Slow down, cannoli. I'm still thinking on it."

"You're dragging it!"

Angus chuckled and decided to finally let up. "The premise is good, dearie, but you might want to change that last one."

"The one about getting teachers to only give us one homework per week?" Angus nodded. "But why? That's literally the best promise I can make to my fellow students! They'll vote me for sure once they hear of that part!"

"Yes, but you're promising too much, hon'." Angus crossed his arms over his chest. "And you can't make the teachers do anything as student council president. They might still do it and then your fellow students will lose trust in you."

"What?! I don't want that to happen!"

"You should change it soon, mi amor," Angus smiled. "Other than that-"

"Wait wait!" Rosemary interrupted him before he could say anything more. "I need to write this down!" And with that, she put down her handdrawn flyer on the coffee table and rushed upstairs, probably to get her pen and paper.

Her excitement tugged on Angus's heartstrings and he remembered how he also used to be so eager and excitable. Nacha would be home soon, and she'd witness their herby little gremlin be so passionate about her campaign for becoming a student council president like always. And after all of the hardships and the skin that he peeled just to get here…

Angus couldn't ask for more.

"WHO THE FUCK JAMES BOND BURGERED MARIA?!"

All four heads turned in Matteo's direction, staring at what he was holding up in front of him. Rivera snorted their drink, Reggie blinked rapidly, Angus was just making a ':3' face like always, and the Jamie was sipping his coffee with one corner of his mouth.

It was a really good drawing of James Bond also known as Agent 007 from the James Bond movies and a half-assed drawing of a burger that a stickman may as well be superior to sandwiched in the middle of a sliced-off sentence that read:

Last night I

your sister

"Is that how you read it, Matt?" Reggie was the first to speak up out of the silent squad (with the exception of Rivera trying to hold back their laughter). "I thought it meant 'Last night I bonded with and gave burger to your sister'."

Rivera couldn't hold it in anymore and was practically howling as soon as they opened their mouth.

"That's a real tame interpretation, Reg," Jamie mentioned and started sipping on his coffee once more with his pupils slowly turning to the side.

"YOU." Matteo got up in Rivera's face with a scowl and pressed his finger to the paper insistently. "WAS IT YOU?!"

"BWAHAHAHAH- MERCI, MERCI-!"

"AND WHAT ABOUT YOU, CIP?!"

":3." Angus remained perfectly still with his hands clasped on the table, face permanently settled on that ':3' expression of his. There was no telling what was going on through his head when he gets like that and looking at it filled Matteo with unbridled determination even though it was pretty obvious it wasn't him. After all, he wasn't really the type to sleep with his folks' sisters, was he? His gay ass didn't look the part if he was.

"Calm down, Matt. Maria's an amazing girl, but I don't think she'd…" Reggie swallowed the laugh caught in his larynx (yeah, we're doing anatomy now) and cleared his throat. "ahem Get James Bond burgered by any of us."

"Well, I've only introduced her to you four! It can't be anyone else-" Heads turned towards Rivera as they were having a coughing fit and started shaking on the spot, but Matteo nonchalantly ignored his dying friend and continued on, "-that isn't from this group and I'm going to find out who the fucker is!"

"Do we hold a vote?" Reggie asked the table.

After a moment of silence, a floating interface with their faces in cute chibi form on it next to their names popped up on the table horizontally.

Rivera's entire name and the chibi was crossed out, leaving Reggie, Angus, Jamie, and, of course, Matteo, on there.

"Voting session? Didn't know you had magic powers, Reggie." Jamie snorted, having finally settled his cup of infinite coffee down on the table.

Just then, the realization hit Matteo like a Dewoitine D.520 that the bastard with the face prosthetic's actually the most suspicious one here. He hadn't been making any proper commentary at all, had been averting his eyes from meeting Matteo's gaze, and above all --- was the most recent of the four idiots to have met Maria. And not only that, he remembered being suspicious because both of them were getting so familiar with each other in such a short time with blushing faces like they were a bunch of lovesick teenagers.

Matteo made a face at Jamie and silently pressed to vote for Jamie. Angus, being the silly man that he is, followed suit. Reggie didn't even hesitate before pressing to vote for Jamie as well.

The vote ended with a three-to-one: Jamie (3) and Matteo (1).

"What the hell," Matteo's eye twitched at that single vote on his profile that came from Jamie. "Why the fuck would I James Bond burger my sister?!"

Jamie smirked and shrugged. "Mh, I've been had."

"So you admit it, you puny asshat-"

"That I James Bond burgered your sister? I wouldn't say that. More like I bonded with her, gave her a burger, and then I James Bond burgered her."

"So I was right," Reggie said, amused.

Matteo's face turned red as a tomato from anger and he was huffing like one (?). "You damn bastard, look me in the socket properly while you tell me that crap!"

At that, he lifted his closed socket with his finger.

"They usually tell ya' to look 'em in the eye, but socket-to-socket works too." At that, Jamie took off his prosthetic and they both stared into each other's sockets (ayo, romantic shit).

…

":3"

…

When it was clear no one was losing the socket staring contest, Matteo groaned and finally let his socket close up once again. Jamie grinned, having won the totally important challenge that just decided whatever the fuck they were deciding on.

"…So."

Matteo looked up at Jamie, who was looking as composed as ever. "What."

"Was my drawing good?"

"…The burger was shit, but the James Bond looked fine."

"Mh, I got lazy with the burger."

"Did Matt finally figure it out?" Rivera asked all of a sudden, having come back to life after deducting another one from their nine lives.

"Mhm."

"Go suck a bullet hole, you two."

"Ew, I'm into girls," Rivera replied.

Jamie sipped on his never-ending coffee once more. "Gladly."

":3." Said the :3'ing Angus.

Reggie shook his head with a small grin on his face.

Matteo groaned, "I hate you all."

"Love you too, soon-to-be brother-in-law."

"And who the fuck decided that?!"

The rest of the afternoon was filled with fun, more of their socket staring contest, and someone getting held up by the collar before someone else made a joke about burgers and gave Matteo a near-heart attack.