tcw destroyed my life

“Are you all right?” Misurno called out from a distance.

“I’m fine,” Bodhi replied, staring at the golden bird-shaped emblem in front of him. “Just remembered I left something in the mess hall. I’ll come find you in a bit.”

“All right then.” His partner said. His footsteps dragged as he moved away, gradually fading into the distance. He was drunk, staggering from side to side as he walked, and so he didn’t grow the slightest bit suspicious, or bother to come closer to see why Bodhi’s voice was trembling. I knew that drinking problem of his is going to get me killed one day, Bodhi thought, though relief outweighed the anger.

At least Misurno, his only friend since enlisting, would live through the night.

When the sound of footsteps had completely vanished from his ears, the owner of the emblem bent one arm and spoke into her comm: “Alarm cleared.”

For a brief instant, because of the movement, one of the woman’s blasters shifted away from Bodhi’s face and pointed up toward the sky. The thought of striking back flashed through his mind, only to be shoved aside immediately. Bodhi had spent most of his academy hand-to-hand classes kissing the mat; he could practically still recall the shape of every classmate’s knee. And he recognized that set of Mandalorian armor. If even half the stories about Mandalorians on the holonet were true, she could put five holes in him before he took his first step.

<Reassess the situation. Switch to Plan B if necessary.> A faint male voice replied.

The opportunity vanished in an instant. The barrel swung back to aim at Bodhi again, and he realized he couldn’t tear his eyes away from that dazzling emblem.

X-wings painted with the same golden bird still chased Bodhi through his nightmares. Sweat slicked his palms, making the control stick slip. The stench of burning crept into his nostrils, choking the breath from his lungs. His heart thundered so hard he could no longer tell whether it was because of the memory or the present moment.

“Why are you doing this?” he blurted out. In the bacta tank, before Qwien’s gravestone, the question returned to him over and over.

The helmet seemed amused, cocking its head in a way that was almost inhuman. “Listen to that, Fulcrum, we’ve got one who asks questions.”

<Don’t do anything unnecessary, Spectre Five.> The voice warned over the comm.

The call was cut off abruptly. Blasters remained trained on him.

“Why are you doing this?” she shot back. “Why are you an accomplice?”

“You killed people—”

“And you’re not even allowed to know who you helped kill.”

Her voice trembled at the last word. Bodhi vaguely realized she wasn’t really speaking to him, but a sharp stab of pain left him no room to think further. Bodhi Rook liked to believe he cared about peace. That was why he had chosen to be part of a project that supposedly would bring peace to the entire galaxy. Yet with every passing day, he found himself doubting the sincerity of those words.

The secrecy agreement required him to look away. Very well, then.

Spectre Five didn’t seem inclined to wait for an answer. She turned back to resume the work she’d left unfinished, installing something beneath Bodhi’s ship that he could only guess was a tracking device. He didn’t understand why she hadn’t stunned or killed him yet, but perhaps he should be grateful for that.

Her fingers danced through the wiring, every movement exposed to Bodhi’s eyes, clear as a demonstration in a classroom. Specks of paint dotted her black gloves, scattered across her palms like a galaxy, echoing the golden bird on her chest. Her comm lit up, only to be cut off again.

He snapped back to himself and reached for the alarm—but she straightened up, and he froze once more, even though this time, not a single blaster was aimed at him.

“Why aren’t you doing it?” she asked. Bodhi opened his mouth to ask what she meant, only to realize he understood perfectly.

“I—” was all he could manage.

“Every day,” Spectre Five removed her helmet, and Bodhi gawked. Short purple hair peeked out from beneath it, like the first streak of light on the horizon before sunrise over Jedha. “Every single day, I’m grateful I left.”

Bodhi Rook continued his shipping runs. He went to Scarif. He returned to Jedha.

He did not remove the tracker the rebel had installed on his ship.