My Last Chance to Feel Human

Fiction and gaming pairings that work really well

A movie that transported me to my childhood of church and relentless sobbing.

사람이다

Just watched Phoenix, dir Christian Petzold, starring Nina Hoss. Nina Hoss's search for a man in a bombed out Berlin reminded me of a clumsy detective getting into deep waters. The bandaged head and plastic surgery reminded me of a person forced to become someone else while processing a past stolen from her.

again, this line, the delivery. this woman is a comic genius.

this joke made me die laughing

Joins in my mind that wonderful scene in Kurosawa’s High and Low where they try to get a photo/footage of the kidnappers from the train. It's not very similar visually, but in terms of tension around capturing footage, these two were strangely linked for me.

“It’s really easy to settle for something that you don’t like. Because if you never admit you’re unhappy with something, then you never have to change anything. Most of us don’t speak up when we’re dissatisfied, and then things just begin to  accumulate until you can’t really imagine an alternative. You could end a relationship that offers you nothing, or you could just stay in it indefinitely because it’s too hard to move on.”

I read Suzanna Clarke’s 2020 novel Piranesi recently and was reminded of other stories of isolation. Andy Weir’s sci fi stories of being lost in space, where the hero uses their wits to survive alone. Also the story of isolation and revenge, as in Park Chan-Wook’s Old Boy, where the hero focuses on their hatred to survive. Piranesi is a book whose hero uses their wit, yes. The hero even contemplates revenge. But in the end, the hero sees beauty in the world, beauty that is immeasurable. That is enough. 

some stuff i’ve been watching, reading. listening to the bob odenkirk book made me aware i’d never seen the fourth season of mr show! so started watching that. the sandman tv show has so much heart. the terminal list was an action tv show--and the action was really good. the first episode of the rehearsal was amazing. sapiens was really good! i didn’t think it would have so much personality, but the author Harari is as concerned with an accurate portrait of human beings as he is demystifying and debunking a lot of common thinking about humanity, evolution, agriculture, history, gender, capitalism... odenkirk’s book sort of stresses me out, his stories of navigating show business painting a picture of bob as someone who is relentless. always meant to finish up this three body problem trilogy. not sure i’m vibing with the translation of dark forest. a swim in the pond in the rain is finally in my hands, dog eared, underlined, loved. having started with tolstoy’s war and peace, it’s super fun to read these russian authors in the setting of a classroom--the fiction writing class. the book is also so personal, and as much as george saunders says that in writing, in good writing, we achieve a voice that must surely surpass in moral clarity and human dignity our daily, judgey, drivel of inner thoughts and sloppy hot takes, but damnit mr saunders, your writing has given me on many occasion some really helpful perspectives. 

Have you ever had half an avocado with a splash of soy sauce in the pit hollow of the fruit? Reminds me of eating a salty egg yolk.