Practice being in your body, and practice naming your emotions as they arise. You don’t need to create a narrative; getting attached to your feelings will stop you from working through them; just feel them, accept them, and let them go.

Learn how to cope with painful emotions. Research strategies for emotional-regulation and coping, practice these strategies before you need them, and use them consistently. The more you use them, the more automatic they will become; you will have developed a habit of coping effectively rather than resorting to maladaptive methods.

Notice how your thoughts and beliefs affect your emotions, and how your emotions affect your thoughts and beliefs. Do your thoughts send you into a shame spiral? When you’re upset, are you pessimistic about the future? When you’re criticized, do you feel angry or sad, or both, and do you resort to aggression or manipulation to communicate your feelings?

Create space between stimulus and response. Take a few breaths, or take a break to process before continuing a discussion. If we “fly by the seat of our pants,” we may say things we’ll later regret. When we stop to think, we allow ourselves the opportunity to act in a way that is in alignment with our goals, rather than repeat a conditioned response.

Be mindful of the emotions and boundaries of others, as well as your own. Learn to consider all people involved, not only yourself. The goal is to cooperate so we can come to solution and improve our relationship, not to compete or try to prove who is right.