i hate genshin impact

the morning it happened, you tried to stop aether from doing anything. you begged him to just sleep in for once -- to allow himself a moment to just breathe, even if it was for a second. when he refused, you became desperate.

"aether, i don't want you to hurt yourself out there!" you cried, frustrated tears forming on your lashes. "please just listen to me for once, i just--"

the traveler yanked his hand out of yours. he was fully glaring at you now, not a single ounce of mirth or kindness swimming in his golden eyes. it terrified you. "if you try to stop me from making progress one more time," he hissed, "then we're going to have to end this."

and that was the end of that. you gaped at his back as he left and couldn't muster up the courage to find him in fear of losing what little happiness you had left. you stewed in your indignation for the rest of the day until the sky began to crackle.

it was as if the air itself was laced with pure electricity. in the land of electro, that should have been a good omen, but to you, it only made your stomach drop lower than you have ever felt it. perhaps it was because you hadn't seen aether all day, but whenever supernatural things occurred, he was usually at the center of it all. you dropped what you were doing and let your feet carry you as fast as they could.

only the archons would know why you ended up at tenshukaku. when you saw the backs of the resistance as they waited on the steps, you sprinted over to general gorou, who grabbed your shoulders with thinly veiled panic in his eyes. "what are you doing here?" he asked, gently pushing you backwards. "if aether finds out that you're here--"

"he won't do a thing," you said, holding your ground. "something felt off, and now i'm here. you know i can fight, so at least let me help."

you were half-lying. while you possessed a hydro vision and could most definitely fight -- kazuha could attest to your skills -- that's not what you were there to do; you were there to collect aether and get him to safety. gorou eyed you warily. you could tell he was trying to figure out whether or not he should let you stay.

it was no secret that you were the legendary traveler's most important person; unfortunately that title preceeded you. you hated that people thought aether was your knight in shining armor. you were just as good a fighter as he was, and the only reason he'd made it this far was because you had his back. you didn't flinch as gorou scanned you closely before he sighed.

"fine," he let go of you and pointed to the entrance to tenshukaku. "we're on standby. stand at the front by kazuha and be ready. clear?"

"crystal."

after taking your position beside kazuha, you didn't have to wait much longer. you were right to be on edge; the sky became impossibly dark over the shogun's residence, and the thunder threatened to deafen you. you saw kazuha flinch and cover one of his ears with a hand beside you. before you could check on him, gorou suddenly gave the order to advance. you're confused, but you obey.

you see him at the top of the stairs. he's staggering as he makes his way out, but he looks relatively unharmed. you release a breath you didn't know you were holding and open your mouth to call his name, but as soon as you do, the hairs at the back of your neck stand at attention.

you will never be able to explain what you saw that day.

you'd heard of the musou no hitotachi in stories, but never in your life had you ever thought you would see it before you like this. reality itself seemed to tear apart before your very eyes, revealing nothing but an ominous violet eye. it's quickly replaced by the raiden shogun, who lunges out of it at breakneck speed. the soldiers around you are stunned into silence as they watch who the shogun is aiming for.

no. no, no, no, no.

she's aiming for aether.

she's going to kill aether.

things go blank after that. maybe your body moved purely on instinct and mind-numbing adrenaline, because really, everything is a blur.

you hear kazuha's choked gasping until suddenly it's not there anymore. you're not there anymore. you don't exactly know when and how you got here, but you've shoved yourself between aether and the shogun's blade, taking the full force of her attack.

there's so much to feel in this moment. part of you recognizes the feeling of raw power and determination; the very same sensation you felt the day you received your vision. you dimly, very, very dimly feel aether's mortified stare burning holes through your skin. if you had the chance, you'd laugh at how stupid he must look.

but the most obvious thing you feel is pure agony.

you were quick to activate your vision to somehow soften the blow of the shogun's blade, but as everyone with common sense knows, hydro and electro don't mix. and as expected of the electro archon, her strikes are powerful -- your arms rightfully feel as though they're going to fall off.

they can't. you know that that's no longer your decision to make, but if you fall here -- if you lose this stand-off -- who will protect aether? who will love him in your stead? with a sharp cry, you pour all your strength into pushing the shogun's blade up and away from your body, ignoring the way you can feel blood starting to soak your hands. perhaps the hydro archon took pity on you, because you successfully parry the raiden shogun's blade.

there's no time to celebrate. immediately, the shogun's shocked expression smooths itself out and she lunges again -- for you, this time. she'd clearly done it with intent to kill, because you barely managed to block the strike, and the strength of it sent you flying back down the stairs, where the resistance soldiers barely managed to catch you.

after that... well, you don't know what happened after that. when you come to, you're laying in an unfamiliar futon bed. you blink rapidly, groaning when the sunlight nearly blinds you. to say that you're in pain would be a vicious understatement. your arms are stiff and numb, your ears are ringing, and every breath you take feels like someone is cutting at your insides with each inhale.

you cough, wincing at the metallic taste in your mouth. the events in front of tenshukaku plays out once more in your head, and you groan again, louder this time. intervening and basically stopping the musou no hitotachi would be a fun story to tell people once you've recovered, but as of right now, you feel nothing but regret.

the regret is quickly replaced by relief, though. because at the end of the day, you managed to save aether's life. surely, you tell yourself, he retreated with the resistance after that incident. you smile bitterly as you remember the argument you had before. maybe he hates you for getting in his way like that, but you could make peace with that; so long as he's alive then--

"you're awake! traveler, they're awake!" a high-pitched voice cuts through the persistent ringing. you can't move your neck too much, but you manage to turn enough to see who yelled. it's paimon. she's frantically looking between you and the sliding door. "paimon's so glad you finally woke up!"

"finally?" you croak. "what are you--?"

a pair of footsteps stops near paimon before there's a soft thud and a sudden weight on your torso. you crane your neck up a little to get a better look at your visitor. as soon as you spot golden hair, your lungs close, forcing you to cough.

"oh, paimon will go get water! paimon'll be right back!" the little fairy disappears into her cloud of stars. she returns quickly and helps you sit upright to drink the water, but makes the sudden decision to leave you alone with aether.

the silence is so loud.

you have no idea what to say to him. the last time you'd spoken, he was threatening to break up with you. you were already prepping yourself for the post-break up healing process, so why..?

"it's been three weeks." aether finally speaks. he looks up at you, his eyes red-rimmed and watery. was he... crying just now? "you were asleep for three weeks."

wow. there's a lot to unpack. you say the first thing that comes to mind.

"why are you," you pause for a second to cough, "here? i figured you'd break up with me."

aether grimaces. you wonder what's going through his head. you continue: "if you still want to break up, then..." you suddenly feel a new pain blossoming in your chest. it brings you to tears faster than any cut ever could. "i won't stop you, i--"

"you wake up from a three week long coma after saving my life and you think i'm just going to dump you?" aether looks horrified by your words. stray tears drip from his eyes. "i visited every single day after--" he chokes up. "after what happened. i'm sorry; i shouldn't have been so mad at you, i know you were just looking out for me, and i-- archons, this is all my fault--"

you cut him off then. "aether, i saved your life because i wanted to." you rasp. breaking up or not, the fact remains that you are wholeheartedly in love with the traveler from beyond the stars. you would do it again in a heartbeat -- suffer the same wounds over and over and over if it meant that he got to live another day. "i did what i did because i love you; no other reason."

aether sniffs and avoids eye contact. you can tell him it's not his fault all you want, but that probably won't change a thing for him. you can't convince him otherwise either -- not in this state. you're bruised, battered, and numb; you're not in any position to tell him to stop worrying. but that won't stop you from trying. "c'mere." you beckon him over.

he does as you say.

"a little closer."

he's a few feet away now.

"just a liiiiittle closer, c'mon."

aether hesitantly obeys. he's close enough that you can feel his shaky breathing. you rest your forehead on his, suppressing a hiss of pain from the movement.

"i love you." you whisper. you can sort of see him flinch. "i'm glad you're okay."

there's a long pause before aether chuckles shakily. "that's my line," he whispers back. "i'm sorry. i'm so, so sorry. i don't know what i can do to make it up to you, i--"

"don't do anything," you interrupt. "i don't want anything from you. just stay alive; that's all."

aether sighs. "...that's all?"

"that's all."

✧ — 𝐤𝐚𝐳𝐮𝐡𝐚 — ✧

despite being one of the most level-headed people you have ever met, kazuha somehow also manages to be one of the most reckless.

granted, he almost always had a reason, but that didn't change the fact that you developed a fear that his recklessness would get him killed someday.

it didn't help that kazuha used his anemo vision to his advantage each time, channeling the element to boost his speed whenever he needed it. you sometimes wished you could hide it from him, but it was obvious why that was a terrible idea.

as a compromise, you decided to aid him in his ventures. you figured that so long as you were present, you could, at the very least, pull him out of danger at the last second; your own electro vision granted you enough speed to match him at times. you relied on your own battle prowess to keep up with your boyfriend -- something he greatly appreciated.

because the last thing you would ever do is clip the wings of someone like kazuha. you may as well be the updraft that keeps him in the air.

the fact remains, however, that you will lag behind him at times. kazuha is trained to be quick -- to avoid the eyes of others. his quick thinking is what usually leads him to victory most of the time, even in a pinch. so sometimes, you don't even get the chance to help before he's finished the job.

"you're too fast, kazuha," you panted one day after training with him. "what if you get hurt?"

kazuha hummed, tapping the hilt of his katana. "what guides me through battle is not the possibility that i may fail, but that i will succeed without a scratch."

you frowned at him. "and what if i can't be there to help you when you need it the most?"

bandaged fingers hooked themselves under your chin gently, tilting your head up. kazuha leaned in and kissed you with all the gentleness of a passing breeze. "you are always with me," he said. "and if i may be completely honest, i would much rather be hurt than watch you injure yourself on my behalf."

you couldn't say anything to that.

all you could do was hone your skills.

if you were faster, stronger, more agile, maybe you could keep up with him -- surpass him, even. kazuha thought your desire to be better than him was endearing, but he accepted the challenge. he trained alongside you as often as he could, and you found that you started to make progress.

you were quicker during hilichurl ambushes and fatui run-ins, but if neither of you broke a sweat, you felt it didn't count. you somewhat longed for the day you could completely protect kazuha with your new skills and brag about how much better you were.

when you got your chance, however, your self-imposed competition was the last thing on your mind.

to bear witness to the musou no hitotachi was an honor, especially as a citizen of inazuma. especially as an electro vision holder, you felt as though you could someday produce something of your own -- something as legendary as the raiden shogun's musou no hitotachi.

it was a childish dream, but vision holders are, after all, known for their ambition.

your heart all but stops as you watch the raiden shogun target the blonde traveler. you'd grown close to him during his time here, and whenever you weren't training or helping the resistance on the front lines, you were asking him how you could help him find his lost sister. he opened up to you and you to him, and you thought it safe to say that you'd found a truly close friend in him. but as he -- and the rest of the resistance -- looked death straight in the face, you found yourself paralyzed.

this wasn't what you trained for. this wasn't what you dedicated all your time to. you were supposed to be like the very lightning that you commanded and yet here you were, as stagnant as the air you breathed.

move. move!

a sudden gust of wind from your left nearly knocks you to your feet. you finally get your body to move, hoping to see what just happened. you don't see what produced that wind, but you immediately know who.

you whirl around to see kazuha resisting the shogun, his own blade suddenly looking flimsy as he tries his hardest to push it back. your stomach threatens to rid itself of it's contents when you notice the electro vision glowing beneath his own. somehow, kazuha managed to reactivate tomo's vision and is using both to save the traveler.

it's enough to startle everyone, even the shogun, but it's not enough.

while he does successfully manage to push the shogun back, he also succeeded in making himself a target. again, the shogun strikes, this time he sword aimed right for kazuha's chest.

you're actually not sure how you managed to get there in time. kazuha did it with the help of two visions, but you? you only had the one. perhaps it was all the electricity in the air that came to your aid when you needed it the most. you felt as though you became a stray bolt of lightning for a split second, rushing in front of kazuha in the nick of time.

as for the plan? there was no plan. you just knew you needed to keep kazuha safe. that's been your main goal for months: to keep kazuha alive. you force yourself between kazuha and the raiden shogun's blade just in time, but you don't bring your blade up in time to send it away. you barely hear kazuha's shattered cry of your name before your world begins to warp itself. after that... you don't remember what happened very well.

you're suddenly forced back down the stairs with kazuha, but you don't exactly know how you got there. there's screams and battle cries coming from every which direction and you can just barely make out the figures of the resistance soldiers advancing on tenshukaku, but only one voice stands out.

"...no, no, not again, not again!"

it's kazuha, you realize. even as your consciousness fades, you hear him yelling your name.

when you come to, the first person you see is gorou.

he's leaning on the wall with his arms crossed and eyes closed, his ears flicking every so often as he listens for any signs of trouble. the haze of your mind doesn't clear itself completely, but you squint at him, wondering why he's keeping watch over you. gorou's ears suddenly go completely still and his eyes fly open, fixing themselves on you. "you--"

"uh, good morning?" you wince at the sound of your voice.

gorou blinks a few times. you can't see it from here -- there's too many painkillers in your system for you to make sense of anything -- but his tail begins to wag upon seeing your face. "don't strain yourself," he calls as he exits, "let me go get the healers."

after an extensive check-up and another strong dose of painkillers (since apparently, hydro healing wasn't enough), you think yourself ready enough to ask questions -- ones that gorou hesitates to answer.

he reluctantly informs you that the raiden shogun's blade went straight through you. she was visibly shaken by your sudden presence -- apparently, it must have been because she had intended to kill someone, but it certainly wasn't you. the traveler took advantage of her distraction and rushed her as soon as you went down while kazuha sought medical attention for you as quickly as he could. the doctors said you were lucky that the shogun's blade was fashioned out of pure electro energy. the wound seemed to cauterize itself after being formed; at the time you were impaled, you mostly fainted out of shock. you were severely -- almost fatally-- injured, but you survived.

gorou had a strained smile when he told you everything, his eyes dropping to your bandaged torso.

"in all the time that i've known kazuha," he said, "i've never seen him so shaken before."

you don't ask what that means. instead, you find out firsthand.

after teasing gorou for a few minutes about his constantly wagging tail, he leaves again, presumably to go back to work. he and kokomi must have their hands full after the incident. you lean your head back on the wall and shut your eyes to pass the time, but your peace doesn't last long. your nose suddenly twitches and you open your eyes.

it's kazuha. he's okay.

rather than focus on how he looks, you're preoccupied with the fact that he's standing before you at all. tears of relief spill over almost immediately. "hey," you greet him breathlessly. "how are--"

"are you an idiot?"

what?

"i-i'm sorry?" you barely manage to get the words out. kazuha's voice doesn't sound like it belongs to him. it's rough and abrasive; it's everything he's not. you try to convince yourself that maybe he just needed water or something. that has to be it, right? "what did you say?"

kazuha finally looks you in the eyes but you feel like you're looking at a stranger. his crimson stare is frigid and unforgiving. it's a look that's reserved for people who cross his path -- not you. you jaw shuts with a soft click as he speaks again. "i asked if you were an idiot." his fists tremble at his sides. "you must be, if you were willing to throw yourself in harm's way like that."

is he... is kazuha upset with you? this wasn't the first time you've taken the brunt of his frustration, but your stomsch drops as you suddenly wonder if this would be the last. "i put myself in danger every day, kazuha; what made yesterday any different?"

"yesterday?" kazuha treats the word as though it's offended him personally. "you think that that happened yesterday?"

"yes..? kazuha, where are you going with this--?"

"it's been two weeks." his voice wavers. you see vulnerability creep up on him, nearly bringing him to knees. the knowledge that you've been unconscious for two weeks doesn't shock you (no pun intended) as much as you thought it would considering the severity of your injuries, but it seems that saying it out loud was enough to crack kazuha's entire being. he's lost his usual manner of speech, switching it out for something more straightforward.

"well," you gingerly slide your hand over your abdomen, wincing when you touch the bandaged area, "i'm fine now, so--"

kazuha's beside you in an instant, his fingers locking around your wrist. he's still as swift as the wind he commands. you don't have the strength to pull your hand back, but you whimper quietly when his grip tightens. he lets go immediately. "fine? you call this," he gestures at your body, "fine? you almost died, and you--" kazuha fixes his eyes on your lap. "you think everything is fine?"

clearly, you've misspoken. you don't get to apologize.

kazuha continues, pushing a hand through his hair. "do you have any idea what it's like watching the one you love die before your eyes?"

you don't answer. guilt wires your jaw shut. kazuha's fingers twitch in place. by now, he would've grabbed your hand as means of grounding himself, but he looks almost repulsed by the ides of touching you. almost as though he's afraid of you.

"if you came to my aid because of that foolish challenge, then you're the biggest idiot i have ever known." he grumbles. "if you saw me handle the shogun once, you should have trusted that i would have made it out of there unharmed."

"it's not you i didn't trust, kazuha." you finally find your voice. you don't feel as combative as you sound, but admittedly, you're frustrated by the way kazuha seems to have twisted your motive for doing what you did. "if you were in my position, would you honestly believe that the shogun wouldn't have killed me on the first strike? do you think i help you because i want to be better than you?"

your hackles rise as soon as you finish your sentence. does he really think that little of you? were you alone in your feelings this entire time?

"why else have you been so eager to improve?"

"because i love you, kazuha." your confession is heartfelt, but it lacks the feeling behind it. your body heats up as indignation begins to boil over. "you're not just some rival, you're my lover." you lower your voice. "or at least i thought you were. perhaps i was mkstaken."

that gets kazuha's attention. his eyes are on you in an instant, his expression crumbling. "no, that's not what i--"

"to my knowledge," you hold up a hand, cutting him off, "lovers do what they can to protect each other, even if it meant puttting themselves in grave danger in the way i had. so forgive me for using my new strength to keep you safe -- i didn't realize it would upset you so much."

kazuha grabs your hand and reaches out, cupping your face gently with his free hand, his thumb stroking your cheek. "dove, please, that-- i was just-- i thought i was going to lose you."

you lean into his touch despite yourself. you've never been able to resist him, even when you're furious with him like this. "i thought the same, kazuha," you whisper.

there's a tense silence. the two of you were well-aware that your biggest issue was your overwhelming concern for one another. you knew how deep your love ran for him, but perhaps kazuha underestimated just how far you would go because of it. it's reassuring, knowing that he's not genuinely mad at you, but you can't deny how much he's hurt you just now.

as if he can read your thoughts, kazuha sighs, breaking the silence. "forgive me, my star." he leans forward, pressing his lips to your forehead. he sounds like the kazuha you fell in love with all over again, his words coated with the sweetest honey. "i was out of line. i was just--"

"worried?" you finish his sentence. kazuha nods when he pulls back, his eyes downcast. you think he looks a little like a scolded child. the corners of your lips twitch. "i know all too well how that feels, kazu'. i understand."

"i thought... that you weren't going to wake up."

"i know."

"i thought i was going to be alone again."

there it is. the root of the problem. you hold your other hand out and kazuha takes it, pressing your knuckles to his forehead with a shaky breath. you give a moment to himself. it seems like he's committing your skin to his memory; solidifying the fact that you're really here -- that you didn't leave him behind. the very thought of doing so scared you almost as much as it did him.

"i'm not going anywhere, kazuha." you say. you feel him squeeze your hands tightly. "i'm right here. i always will be."

kazuha doesn't respond for a second. he doesn't move, but you notice his shoulders are shaking. "kazuha--"

"you know," he chuckles, his voice shaking, "i actually can't think of any poetic ways to express my love for you. can you believe that?"

you blink a few times before snorting. "it's a welcome change."

"you wound me, angel." kazuha looks up at you then. his eyes are teary, but none fall. "i love you. thank you for staying alive."

it's spoken like a prayer, soft and reverent. you smile. "i love you too, kazuha. more than you'll ever know." you pat his cheek and he holds your hand in place, pressing fleeting kisses to your palm. "'till death do us part, kazu'."

kazuha hums in agreement. "'till death do us part."