Solace || 21|| he/him

sirius: "reg i'm warning you now, you might fall in love with him. if you do keep it to yourself, ok? it's going to be really difficult but try and contain yourself"

enter remus: freakishly tall, horrible posture, curly hair that he obviously has no clue how to tame, crooked teeth, wardrobe of a 70 year old, scarred head to toe, possibly the most awkward man to ever live

they were her best friends and now they're destroying lives. she would've died for them once but now they're trying to kill her.

news spreads about regulus black's death and while the order rejoices in the loss of the death eater, dorcas is thinking about the literature nerd who stocked up on her favourite candy and laughed a bit too quietly at jokes cause he was never allowed to be loud, the boy who set aside books about feminism and revolution cause he knew she loved them, the usually quiet person who shocked everyone by hexing all the misogynistic quidditch players who made fun of her when she got captain and defended her even when he was fighting for himself.

mad eye moody loses an eye, but reveals that evan rosier is dead and dorcas loses a part of her heart because that's silent but snarky and sarcastic person who had the entire friend group losing their compsure and laughing like maniacs in seconds, the first person she came out to, the first person to hug her after she did it, the first person who said he might be a bit like her in that regard, the first person who made her feel safe and the person she could always talk to and trust.

the order whispers in hushed tones about barty crouch jr, the heartless criminal who tortured the longbottoms for hours on end and dorcas can't breathe cause that was once the boy who made the craziest jokes whenever he had the slightest inkling dorcas might be feeling sad and dyed his hair so slytherin kids who didn't wanted to be something other than perfect and uptight could feel comfortable coming to him for help even if he put on a show of being cruel and crazy, because he knew how it felt to be forced into perfection.

she visits pandora and she thinks that she at least has one person with her. but pandora's lost herself to this grief, smiles too tight and a maniac glint in her eye which makes it obvious she's experimenting something to get them all out of this, to somehow go back to who they were. but dorcas can only mourn the girl she lived with for 7 years, the girl who saw the joy and happiness in everything around her and made dorcas see it too, the girl who rolled her eyes with dorcas when the boys did something stupid and the girl who's laughter sounded like freedom and sunlight.

after marlene's death, dorcas doesn't really care for anyone or anything that was once part of her life. she kills and kills and kills till she can find death himself. but every time a death eater she's hurting has regulus' black hair or evan's electric blue eyes or barty's maniac grin, part of her wants to stop and beg them to become the people they once were.

they meet by complete accident on the streets of london while sirius is there on a school trip. sirius spots remus smoking outside a corner shop and, without knowing a single word of english, decides he’s going to bum a cigarette off him anyway. it takes an embarrassing amount of pointing, miming, fake smoking motions and increasingly dramatic hand gestures before remus finally figures out what this very animated french boy wants. he starts off trying not to laugh, but sirius looks so painfully determined to get his point across that remus caves and hands him a cigarette.

they end up standing there together for the next twenty minutes.

sirius talks the entire time in rapid-fire french, complaining about his teacher who only gave them thirty minutes of free time around carnaby street, about how impossible it is to keep up with his class, about london, about anything that comes to mind. he knows remus doesn’t understand a single sentence, but remus keeps nodding anyway, smiling whenever sirius gets especially dramatic with his hands, replying with the occasional “yeah?” like he’s somehow following along

neither of them understands the other, but somehow they’re still having a conversation.

eventually sirius’s classmates start calling for him from down the street. remus pats his pockets, finds a pen, gently takes sirius’s hand and writes his address across the back of it. then he taps the ink with his finger, mimes writing on paper, and points in the vague direction of france.

“send me a letter.”

sirius doesn’t understand the words but he understands everything else.

"Yes," Remus gasped, slapping his hands on the hospital reception desk. "I'm his husband. Remus Lupin."

Behind him, James and Peter slammed to a halt.

"His what?" James choked out.

Remus didn't even look back, already taking the visitor pass from the nurse. "Thank you. Room four?"

"Down the hall to the left," she smiled.

Remus started walking fast. James jogged to catch up, grabbing his elbow. "Remus… husband? What the fuck? Did I miss something?"

"They only let spouses in before noon," Remus said, not breaking his stride. "We updated each other's emergency files last year."

"You… you committed medical fraud?"

"It's not fraud, it's…. Look, it just makes things easier."

"Right. Of course," Peter muttered to James. "Of fucking course.”

They found Sirius sitting on the edge of a hospital bed, his arm strapped into a sling. He lit up the second he saw them.

"Moony!" Sirius whined, reaching his good hand out. "They took my jacket. You have to track it down before they ruin it."

Remus immediately stepped right between Sirius's knees, automatically reaching out to adjust the strap of the sling so it stopped rubbing against Sirius's neck. "I'll find it. Are you in pain?"

"Just my pride," Sirius mumbled. He leaned his chin against Remus’s stomach and closed his eyes with a content sigh.

James stared at them. He looked at Remus, whose hands were currently busy gently checking the back of Sirius's head for bumps, and then at Sirius, who was nuzzling into Remus's jumper like a touch-starved kitten.

"So," James said loudly, clearing his throat. "Sirius. Remus just informed me that you two are legally wed."

"It’s easy, Prongs," Sirius answered without opening his eyes. "Spouses get a lot of privileges. It's a purely administrative marriage."

"Administrative," James repeated flatly.

"It’s a simple matter of logistics," Remus corrected simply, right as he leaned down and pressed a kiss into Sirius's hair.

Peter buried his face in his hands, looking disgusted by the sight. "They're going to adopt a child next week and claim it was just easier than getting a dog."

Remus: “ I am a monster! I am a danger. In my mind there are different worlds creeping in I- The Light and the Dark collide, I do not- I do not know where I am.”

Sirius: “Do you love me?”

Remus: “You do not wish a life with me for yourself. No one wishes tha-“

Sirius: “Remus! I will stand with you between the Light and the Dark, I will tell you where you are. DO YOU LOVE ME?”

Remus: “I LOVE YOU! From to mo- From the moment I saw you strut into the train car all pretentious and posh frst year. I have loved you desperately, I cannot breathe when you are not near, I love you Sirius. My heart calls your name.”

it hurts to be something