花より団子 ;

Hi everyone, i can't believe that it's almost 2 years since i stopped sharing my thoughts online. A LOT of things happened! I am currently here in Dubai. Although the government is doing it's best to protect us here, I am still scared of what may happen tonight or tomorrow. With that being said, I am back here to share an update.

my boyfriend's dad passed away, we actually decided to have a break (not breakup just space) few hours before his dad passed away. Now, almost a month has passed, he already transferred to Manila. We still talk but not the usual talk when we're okay.

Question to those who had/have the same situation as mine, what are your suggestions, what should I do for him? How do I still make this relationship work cause i still believe that we can still make it work.

I told him that i'm here for him no matter what happen. I don't wanna pressure him to talk to me or care about me. I told him to prioritize his emotions first.

(stayed the whole time with him, from the first call that his dad is unconscious up to the time that he was cremated and they already transferred to another house).

never tayo magiging enough. never nila makikita yung value mo kasi yung sa kanila lang nagmamatter.

akala ko nasa phase na kami ng life na pwede nang idaan sa maayos na "COMMUNICATION" lahat pero hindi pala. Mas lalong naging mahirap ngayon kasi ngayon lumabas yung issues noon na alam kong wala naman akong control at hindi na maaayos ng simpleng sorry.

forever grateful to have this human, grabe yung plot twist di ko alam kung deserve ko ba to pero iingatan po, always. 🤍

Around this time last year, our father, Papa Eddie Boy, passed away at the most unexpected time.

It's been a year, yet I still can't believe you're gone. The days have felt incomplete since you left. Though you are no longer with us, your memories will live on within our hearts and minds. You are a fighter, we are all proud to tell the world that we are your children.

pinipilit kong i-convince sarili ko na kayanin lahat kahit sobrang bigat kasi wala na, nangyari na. May reason kung bakit kinuha agad ang papa, may reason kung bakit mas piniling umalis ni g. ang hirap kasi akala ko nung una kakayanin ko pero everytime na kikilos ako, aalis ako, mag isa ako, hindi ko maiwasang maisip lahat. kung bakit sila nawala, kung bakit kami iniwan, kung bakit ako iniwan. masakit pero wala, hindi ko na maibabalik si papa, hindi ko narin maibabalik si g kasi sinabi ko sa sarili ko na hindi na ako maghahabol.

di maiwasan, tuloy tuloy parin sa pag inom,literal na escape kapag nalalasing, pakiramdam ko ang lakas ko pero hangover sa umaga. sabi ko bigyan ko muna ng time yung sarili ko mag grieve. hayaan niyo muna ako maging malungkot, hayaan niyo ko umiyak kasi kapag hindi, pakiramdam ko sasabog yung puso ko. sobrang hirap, sobrang bigat.

gusto kong mayakap ang papa, kaso hindi ko na magagawa kasi wala na siya, physically. even g, gustong gusto ko, gusto kong manumbat, umiyak. andyan pa siya pero pakiramdam ko sobrang layo niya na. hanggang sa nasanay yung isip kong isipin na wala na sya sakin.

bigat, sobrang bigat. sana hayaan niyo muna akong maramdaman lahat nang to. kahit hanggang sa matapos lang 'tong taon. hayaan niyo kong mangulila kasi dalawa sa pinakamahal kong tao yung nawala.