An unused life is an early death

“Oh, very clever. S-sardines because of the net. I get it.” Kaito tried to sound sarcastic but probably failed miserably. His slight hysteric laugh at the end didn’t help either he guessed. He tried to clear his throat but it was rather hard in the position they were in. So he closed his eyes from the blurry image of a pair of blue ones belonging to one decidedly unimpressed Kudo Shinichi to get his Poker face back on track and took small, even breaths through his nose, focusing on just himself for a short moment. He needed to calm down if he wanted to turn their situation into his favor.

“It’s an experience you called upon yourself my dear Meitantei-san,” he tried again, hoping that his critic would forgive his earlier slip under these circumstances. He was, after all, basically caught, something that would never have happened to either of his parents. He could already hear his mother's merciless teasing.

What was he thinking? He was not caught. This just happened to be a minor setback. Nothing he couldn't handle, really.

He hoped that the detective would chalk up his little, tiny, not really worth to mention not quite loss of character up to exactly those thoughts, though.

“Smooth.” Of course he wouldn’t simply ignore it, considering he always was unforgiving towards his slips no matter how small and insignificant they have been to his overall scheme. “And it’s your trap.”

“You activated it.”

“You dodged.”

“Have you ever been hit by one of your cursed soccer balls?” Aggravating the detective probably wasn't a good move to reach his goal but he just somehow failed to take hold of the serenity that was, without a doubt, essential for someone like him.

Forget teasing, his mother would be scolding him in her uncanny way of not actually scolding him, talking in riddles and not just using double but triple meanings, so that no one that could possibly overhear could make a connection, especially a loudmouthed inspector and his violent but cute daughter.

Kaito was ripped from his short musing when he felt a silent, long drawn exhale against his lips, sending an unpleasant shiver down his spine. “Why would you even put that net there?”

“Why do you always appear on my roofs?” This time he had his voice completely under control and gave it a dash of mocking for good measure. Kaito flinched immediately, not being able to suppress the reflex caused by getting suddenly pinched in his thigh. “Someone is forward.”

“Someone went straight to bondage.” The detective answered in the same mocking tone.

“At least I didn’t plan on starting with chains.”

Silence followed the slight outburst. The swinging motion was slowly coming to an end but they started to spin a bit more around their axis, the movement not strong enough to cause them vertigo - at least for him, he wasn't quite sure about the detective, he hoped though, otherwise this would become a lot more unpleasant - and disgusting.

Kaito got aware that he digressed from his main problem and so breathed in deeply. He tried to clear his mind of unnecessary thoughts and focus on an escape plan while he strained his ears to pick up on any noises not their own. His traps could entertain his task force for only so long and he was pretty sure that he has seen Hakuba lurking around.

He exhaled slowly. If only his hands were free. A bit room for movement would also be nice, he hadn’t thought this through if he even had been thinking at all at the time. Why did he dodge this way? He needed to train on his reactions and reflexes a bit more, Aoko was due for a good teasing anyway and maybe he would even present her with some kind of long range missiles (the mop was getting boring, he could dodge that in his sleep by now, not that he wanted to test that theory).

The detective made a small wiggling motion, tilting his head a fraction, presumably to get a bit more comfortable. It simply reminded Kaito of just how close they were, made him aware of the warmth seeping into him, of a calm beating heart not his own.

A detective never should have been able to get this close to him and now here he was, stuck in a net with the smartest of them all.

Who actually owed him quite a lot. (Letting him go now and then could hardly count as a fair trade-off.)

And had his hands free. (Somewhat. More than him at any rate.)

And usually was quite reasonable. (Not like that prick Hakuba.)

And honestly was his biggest fan. (No matter how much the detective denied it.)

"Chocolate.” The simple word, ringing loud after their silence, sliced through his thought process, thankfully, he knew that he had started to go off track again.

“What?” The detective should be able to reach is back pocket that luckily contained the small stripe of metal which he had needed for his earlier trick. It should be sharp and sturdy enough to cut the net just behind his back, freeing them.

Or maybe he could even reach his card gun if he managed to get a bit more room between them. Way more effective-

“You smell like you took a chocolate bath.”

“Nothing wrong with chocolate,” answered Kaito absentmindedly. After a moment the conversation caught up with him and he mentally shook himself, his instincts screaming at him to not give anything about himself away. Why was it so hard to concentrate today? He normally had no trouble to think up a plan while holding a casual conversation full of deflections and misdirection.

“So you took a chocolate bath?” The detective sounded disbelieving, almost disgusted.

“No.” Kaito pronounced the word carefully a part of him still confused about his lack of concentration while the other part desperately tried to hide just that. “That would be too much of a waste and I don’t want to imagine the cleanup. Come to think of it-“ A slight jab to his thigh cut his grand vision and rambling off before he could talk himself into an embarrassment. He really had to get a hold on himself, and fast. The blood rushing to his head, due to gravity's merciless pull, would soon hinder his thinking even more. At least the spinning came to an overall halt as well.

“Do you live on anything else?”

Kaito raised a brow, getting slightly annoyed by the constant distraction (at himself for needing it to stop his mind from wandering to countless places, which, actually, was his norm but he usually had a perfect handle on his multitude of thoughts, not like now), nevertheless his voice sounded cheerful as he answered. “The chase.”

Another jab to his thigh. This was getting old fast. “I wonder what will do you in first.”

“Aww, is my dear Meitantei-san worried about me? How touching~”

“Idiot.” And another pinch followed. Of course. “I’m just making observations you stupid thief.”

“Why do you always have to be so violent?”

“Must be your charm. I know around fifty people that want to punch you at least once – and those are only the pacifist ones.”

Rude. Everyone loved him. Then again, he had read somewhere, that people tend to turn violent towards beings that are way too cute for their own good, for whatever reason he found incomprehensible (sometimes evolution just sucked), and he was cute, specifically if he dressed up as women, who were always cute no matter what, even if they were homicidal witches with an ego problem.

Where was he?

“Or you just don’t know how to express your feelings.” For a moment everything was still and then Kaito gritted his teeth. “Would you stop doing that?”

"You're a moron. Not everyone is as repressed as you are.” He pronounced the words almost biting, emphasizing every odd word with yet another stab in his thigh. He would end with a big bruise for sure.

“You are the one who can’t stop touching me.” What was he doing? He had no time for this. Was the detective trying to delay him deliberately? He had to be, there was no other reason for him to act this way when they were trapped in a net like, like those f-finny things. In that moment, after all he had been through for this detective, Kaito felt betrayed. He knew that they weren’t friends, they couldn’t ever be, but he had thought that they shared a mutual understanding and enjoyed each other’s presence. He loved having his favorite critic crashing his heists. What if said detective has gotten bored of his shows and antics? The thought felt like a slap to the face, a slap his brain proved unwilling to process.

"Only because you're wasting time arguing instead of freeing us!"

Wait.

"It's been what? Five minutes?"

What? "As good as I am at impersonating him, I don't have Tantei-san's supernatural time-knowing-skill." His voice sounded dead in his ears. He felt numb, barley registering the long-drawn pain from his thigh or his own words.

"Whatever!" The detective sounded aggravated, and maybe a bit... worried? "Get us out of your stupid trap or do you want to get caught like this? Which, by the way, would greatly lower my opinion of you. Caught by your own stupid trap. That's not how I want to catch you, you stupid thief. Now do something!"

Oh. OH.

The numb feeling wasn't completely gone but Kaito could feel relief and a tad embarrassment wash over him. His body, stiff and taut until now, slowly relaxed and it was then that he noticed just how on edge he really has been, how much he has slipped. Why was he always such a mess around this detective, unable to fully keep a hold on his Kaito Kid persona? One way or another Kuroba Kaito always peeked through. And yet-

"I was trying to get up with an escape plan, but someone kept interrupting me." He injected every ounce of gratitude he felt into his words, strangely not feeling like a total sap.

"Could have fooled me. I was starting to think you like having me close and couldn't bear to separate." The detective smirked tauntingly. At least Kaito thought he did.

"Which self-respecting criminal would want to have you close?" A beat of silence. "No. Don't answer that. I don't want to know."

"Moron." The word was merely a sigh. "Can we get to the part of your great escape now? Or do you actually want to get caught because you couldn't stop flirting with a detective in time?"

Kaito's thoughts came to a screeching halt.

"My dear Meitantei-san, I'm sure it's not me doing the flirting but be assured that I am quite flattered." The detective turned red, he could feel the rise in temperature. A grin slowly stretched across his face. "No reason to be shy all of a sudden, in fact I seem to be in need of your boldness." To prove his point he curled his fingers slightly. His grin widened. The detective shivered against him, either he just found a sensitive spot or he was reacting to the change in mood. Both scenarios were kind of interesting, always good to know the weaknesses of his enemies no matter how small. The heart under his other palm quickened its beating.

"Don't." There was some form of hurt in the single utterance but Kid didn't care to interpret it, there were more pressing matters to attend to, so he simply hummed in response and curled his fingers a bit more. "Maybe I just should let them find us like this."

"Oh? But that would ruin our gentleman's game, wouldn't it not? And I clearly remember you saying that that simply wouldn't do. Not to mention, it just proofs that you little detectives can't outsmart me. What a shame that must be." His grin turned sharp. "Time is ticking, Meitantei-san, what shall it be?"

The muscles of the detective's stomach clenched under his hand and a low growl came from the direction of his throat. "Fine. Tell me what to do - Kid."

He dearly wanted to taunt him for giving in so easily, sadly he had no such time. "There is a stripe of metal in my right back pocket. Can you reach it?"

The detective hesitated for a split second before he moved his left hand carefully slow from his thigh to his pocket. "I knew that piece of metal looked out of place."

"Hm, too late for that now." Kid felt the detective turn even warmer while he traced his hand up his body.

"Wouldn't your card gun be more effective?" The hand reached his hip, mirroring his right counterpart.

Kid hummed thoughtfully. "I had the same thought, but I doubt we can move far enough apart so that you can reach my front, not to mention the risk of triggering a few of my probs."

"Or the possibility of me slicing your leg and gaining hard evidence against you." The detective mused moving his hand agonizingly slow towards his back pocket. "Why is the net so restricting?"

"True, and yet such an action would be beneath you." He let his voice drop into a sultry timbre. "After all, you want to have the pleasure of catching me in the act." The hand reached its goal but remained still. Kid waited a few heartbeats. "To hinder movement of course, which reduces the danger of the captive getting hurt or using dishonorable gadgets against unsuspecting, innocent thieves."

The detective snorted. "Of course." Finally, he shoved his hand down his pocket. "It also makes it impossible to see your face."

A bang could be heard in the distance. "My, my, you make it sound like I planned this." More banging. Kid supposed they had two to three minutes before the cavalry arrived. The grip on his hip tightened as the detective pulled out the metal. "Cut the net. You can't widen it by pulling but cutting it is really easy."

The detective did as he was told. "Everything you do is planned."

"What if I did?" Just a few more cuts and he could let himself fall out. "It happens to be an honest mistake, though."

"Not from you." The words were so silent, Kid almost missed them, he couldn't dwell on them since the detective continued louder. "Am I supposed to believe that? You could have dodged every other way instead of barreling into me. Doesn't seem very smart to run along the exact same line as the thing you're running away from."

"I only hear you complain about my actions in general, not about our situation, in fact, you are obviously enjoying it." He splayed his hands against the detective's torso. "My deepest apology for having to end it."

Kid let himself fall out the hole, pushing against the detective, losing his hat in the process, reflexively he activated one of his flash bombs, landing awkwardly on his lower back with enough momentum to roll to his feet. Behind him the detective had started to curse. He ignored it and simply acknowledged the arrival of his beloved task force by throwing a smoke bomb to hinder their vision and mask his escape, only after jumping down the roof and activating his hang glider did he finally open his eyes.

Lavi's expression turned serious, more calculating and he moved with a grace that Allen wasn't quite expecting. He couldn't hear his feet connecting with the ground or the smallest rustle of his clothing. It stood in stark contrast to his normally loud and flashy personality. Lavi was so quiet that he was almost sure that he wasn't even breathing.

Allen watched on in fascination as Lavi shortened the distance between him and the dangerous 'beast' further and further, expecting him to slip up at any given moment.

Lavi didn't waver for a second.

When the redhead finally reached his goal, Allen couldn't believe his own eyes; he felt his heart stopping and his breath getting stuck. Suddenly he was afraid that he would be the reason for their discovery.

With deft hands Lavi loosened the ribbon holding the long hair in a ponytail, carefully taking hold of the loose hair and letting it settle carefully against its owners back.

Allen found himself in utter disbelieve as Lavi scooted back cautiously. He clearly has underestimated him or maybe Kanda had a really off day or those two were actually conspiring against him.

He shook his head at his own thought. Kanda was too stiff to go along with any prank at all - not even to show him up.

While he was musing over this Lavi had moved back next to him and was now dangling his price in front of his nose, the stupid smile was etched back on his face. Allen found himself relaxing and together they left the room and its occupant far behind.

"I can't believe this worked out." And he still really couldn't.

Lavi shrugged and folded his arms behind his head, the satisfied grin never leaving his face. "Yuu is surprisingly unaware of his surroundings while meditating."

Somehow, Allen doubted that. The more he thought over and reflected on the last half hour the more he could feel his respect for Lavi grow.

He started to wonder what else he was hiding under his mask of a jester.

Allen faltered in his steps, Lavi's words catching up with him. "Wait." He glared at the other. "You did this before."

Lavi's smile widened. "Not exactly. Normally I braid his hair or draw things on his face."

He didn't know what shocked him more that Lavi had played him or that Kanda could be so oblivious.

On the other hand... he also never has noticed Lavi drawing things on him or putting hair clips into his hair until he is confronted with a mirror.

Not to mention all the times Lavi was just... there, out of nowhere.

"I'm stupid."

"What?"

Allen just sighed and continued his way. "Come on, I owe you a massage, don't I?" He winked at him, trying to dispel the tense atmosphere that he had unknowingly created and resolved himself to stop underestimating his own boyfriend.

Lavi's eye sparkled and he cheered in joy.

It was then that they heard the telltale noise of Kanda being on the hunt for certain prey.

Lavi didn't miss a beat. He cupped Allen's face and kissed him deeply. He wiggled his brows. "Wait up for me?"

Allen rolled his eyes. "If you're lucky."

Lavi laughed and barely dodged a blade meant for his throat. Like the fool he was and before Kanda turned his focus on Allen he waved the ribbon dauntingly.

Things proceeded as one would expect.

Allen refused to pity Lavi once he made his way to his room, bruised and battered. After all, the whole thing was his idea.

Allen felt a spark of concern penetrating his numb mind. He moved away from his position and searched sluggishly for his coat and umbrella, shooting Lenalee a short smile that didn't reach his eyes at her questioning look. He has meant to reassure her a bit, instead tears gathered in her eyes and she turned more fully towards Miranda, hiding her face in the woman's shoulder.

The scene made him hesitate for a moment. He wanted to remind her that she wasn't to blame but knew from several tries that his words weren't getting through to her just yet.

Allen found his way outside and carefully made his way up to Lavi, who still hadn't moved an inch and still wouldn't even after he came to a stop right next to him, protecting him with his umbrella from the spraying rain.

Allen resolved to wait him out and stared ahead. An unfinished Chinese stone garden lay before them. He could see where holes were digged out for the small trees and plants resting against the small shed, the pond had still to be filled.

Like everything else today it was a pitiful sight.

"Help me finish?" Lavi spoke softly, still unwilling to look at him or maybe unable to take his gaze of the garden.

"Sure."

Allen had been right. He was soaked in minutes but he couldn't feel the rain - just a coldness that chilled him to his bones.

Silence reigned between them as it did over the world. It was poetic in a way.

He lost all sense of time and solely concentrated on his actions and found himself surprised when there was nothing left to do. Momentarily at a loss, he stared at the last plant and felt the memories of the day creeping up on him.

"I just need to activate the water system." Despite his words Lavi stayed rooted next to him.

"Do you want me to do it?"

He shook his head, "No. Just give me a minute."

A minute turned into half an hour, all the while Allen waited patiently.

They sat down on the terrace surrounding the Asian style house, waiting for the small waterfall to fill the pond.

"Komui wanted to put carp in it."

"I know where we can find some."

Lavi only nodded.

A gust of wind reminded Allen of their wet state and he felt himself torn between staying and grabbing them some towels or a blanket.

In the end he didn't need to choose. Miranda came to his rescue in the form of several blankets that, after some hesitation, she wrapped around them and an oil lamp that she put down between them.

This time his smile was honest. "Thank you." She returned his smile and left them alone again.

Next to him Lavi took a shuddering breath, pulling the blankets more firmly around him. "Lena must have finally fallen asleep."

"Yeah. I hope she finds a bit of rest."

Lavi sighed and rested his chin on his knees. "Do you think he would be happy with the result?"

"Yes."

A hand took hold on one of his. Allen intertwined their fingers. He was concerned about the coldness of Lavi's skin and started to rub slow circles with his thumb into it.

"I want to shake her." The sudden admission startled Allen. "I know... I understand. But." A frustrated growl left his lips. "Komui, he would be unhappy if he knew how much we fail his sister."

Allen closed his eyes and tightened his hold. They all have lost someone dear to them but he couldn't even begin to imagine how Lenalee was feeling. "She needs time." It was an overused phrase but true nonetheless. Lenalee was strong. She could overcome this. "And we need to give her that time and be there for her when she needs us."

"I know."

Allen took a deep breath and turned his head, kissing Lavi's cheek gently. "And it's alright for us to let us grieve, too." Lavi sucked in a breath of his own. "It's okay for us to cry and let us feel, too." He started to shake under him and Allen threw back. "He was our family, too."

Lavi didn't cry, Allen didn't expect him to, his eye was traitorously wet, though, and his breathing kept hitching up. "It's really cold."

"Yes, it is."

Carefully Allen led Lavi into the house towards their guestroom and took of their wet clothes. The shower stung at first but soon soothed their stiff muscles.

Lavi stayed silent.

Allen started to resent the silence.

Even with all his flaws in character, Link was simply doing what was requested of him, not what he wanted to do.

Which was probably baking more cakes.

How did he even find the time to bake at all? He never left Allen's side, going so far to even share a room with him.

Why was Allen so calm about everything?

Lavi pulled the pillow of his face and scrambled gracelessly out of his bed, putting on his clothes with more force than the action warranted. He needed air. He needed to get his mind off this topic. He needed sleep.

He wanted to do... something. He didn't know what but it made him restless. Any more sleepless nights and he would end up looking like Bookman without needing to apply the coal.

Lavi paused in his march to an unknown destination and looked back half expecting to see the Old Panda following him. Ever since the Ark he was kind of hovering, never too noticeable, yet still never far away, as if he didn't trust Lavi to handle himself.

Link should take a few pointers from the old man. He actually knew how to behave like a shadow.

Lavi hated it.

He wasn't a kid anymore. That Ark had been horrible but he was fine. He knew how to compartmentalize his memories and emotions. He has done it all his life. He wouldn't fail to become a bookman because of a few mind games.

He could handle it.

Lavi shoved his hand into his pockets and froze. With nearly stilted motions he freed the card resting in the left pocket to gaze at it. He has meant to return it to its rightful owner. Everyday his fingers would brush over it. Every day he found an excuse to keep it.

It was ridiculous.

Allen didn't miss the card. He could throw it way. No one would notice.

He shouldn't keep stuff like this.

"Lavi?" The sudden question startled him and he quickly shoved his hands and card back into his pockets like a small child getting caught stealing a cookie.

Ridiculous.

He made half a turn, plastering his trademark smile on, before the voice used caught up with him.

"Allen?" His eye darted around. "Where's the inspector?"

Allen made a face. Somehow it lifted Lavi's spirit just a bit. "I ditched him." The tone he used suggested to not ask, so Lavi stayed quiet. "Are you alright?"

Lavi blinked at the question. "Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?"

Allen tilted his head and squinted his eyes at him. It was hard to make out in the low light but it felt like his eyes were roaming all over his body. It made him feel warm, yet uncomfortable and suddenly Lavi was hit by the realization that this was the first time, since their adventure with Krory, that the two were completely alone with each other.

His hand pressed harder against the card, fingers itching to pull it out and hold on tight.

Absolutely ridiculous.

Allen stepped closer and let his fingers lightly brush against the skin under his good eye. Lavi wasn't sure why he stopped breathing at this. "It's not like you to walk around aimlessly when you could sleep instead." He frowned and let his hand sink back down. Lavi could breathe again. "Do you have nightmares of the Ark?"

He tried to find his laugh and brush the question aside. He had no nightmares. He would need to sleep for more than two hours at a time to have them. Lavi didn't voice the thought. "Should you really be worrying about me, 'sprout?"

Allen's frown deepened. Lavi couldn't read any displeasure in it. In fact he couldn't read his face at all. It unnerved him. He blamed the bad illumination of the halls. "Why shouldn't I be worrying about you?"

"You're the one under surveillance."

Something flickered across his face, his eyes growing distant before Allen simply shrugged. "Link grows on you."

Again Lavi wondered what he felt. Upset, irritated or annoyed? And why he was wondering in the first place. "You keep spacing out." Was he itching for a fight? Why? But it was true. Allen kept spacing out, especially when he saw his own reflection.

Were things already that bad?

Why then, was he so calm about everything?

"You're the one who looks like utter shit. I've seen prostitutes who had their fifteens fuck in a row more rested than you." Lavi blinked at the words. No matter how annoyed or angry Allen felt, he always only used formal and polite speech. This was new.

And a really strange comparison.

He opened his mouth for a retort but the words escaped him. He closed it and continued to stare wide-eyed at his friend.

Maybe he actually did fall asleep and was having a very strange dream.

Allen's gaze softened and he reached his hand out again to slightly stroke under Lavi's left eye. This time Lavi didn't stop breathing. He blushed instead and begged whoever listened that Allen wouldn't notice. "It really isn't a good look on you. If you can't share your troubles with me." Lavi probably imagined the hurt flashing in Allen's eyes."Talk with Bookman or Lenalee or even Kanda. Just, don't run yourself into the ground." Allen hesitated for a moment, swallowing thickly. "I can't keep losing you."

The thoughts inside Lavi's head chased each other and he couldn't grab a single hold on any of them.

"WALKER!"

The two of them jumped apart.

Lavi watched Link storming in, berating Allen. He couldn't hear a thing. Allen looked calm and collected.

He wanted to scream at him, to shake him. He wanted to do... something. He didn't know what but he had an inkling.

And it scared him.

His fingers curled as best they could around the card.

Allen still acted like nothing had just happened. Nothing had happened.

Bookman could never know about this.

Somehow he managed to wave them off with a smirk plastered firmly on his face. He even threw a few jokes around. All the while thinking that he needed to escape.

Bookman said nothing when he returned. He dove into his bed and pulled the pillow back over his head, promising himself that he would forget all of this, telling himself that one of Link's cakes must have gone bad or that the scientist had created some kind of invisible gas that influenced their hormones and Komui was laughing at their expense.

It was a more comforting thought than the truth creeping up on him.

Lavi took a deep breath. He was good at compartmentalization. He could act normal. He could focus on what was truly important.

Allen's calm face penetrated his thoughts.

Why was he so calm? It bothered him.

Tomorrow he would ask him. Maybe then he would be able to let go.

The Ace of Spades grew heavy, weighting him more firmly to the bed.