you drank a few sips from your tea, letting the warmth of the drink spread across your body. you shifted your position a bit and pulled your legs in to your body, to try to fit all of your body underneath the soft blanket. you were currently sitting on the couch in juyeon and hyunjae’s shared apartment, a big cup of chamomile tea in your hands as you gaze out through the big window in front of you. the apartment was at the second to top floor, and the building was quite tall, so you had a nice view of the entire city. one could say that you were up very early, considering the fact that it was currently 4am, but you would say that it was late - since you had not yet fallen asleep.

you had gotten out of bed just a mere half hour ago, when you had finally admitted to yourself that you wouldn’t be able to fall asleep without doing something. your mind was too crowded, and your thoughts too messy. so you once again found yourself sneaking out of juyeon’s bed and coming here to overlook the city just pre-sunrise.

you heard a sound behind you, and instantly turned your head to the direction where it had come from - right outside the door leading to juyeon’s bedroom. and there he stood, in his usual pyjama pants, rubbing his eyes while letting a yawn escape from his lips. “did i wake you up? i’m so sorry,” you say, voice low to not accidentally wake hyunjae. 

“it’s fine,” he answers, walking over to you and sitting down on the other side of the couch. “how are you feeling?”

you shrug, looking away from him and out through the window again. “not sure.”

“you’ve been crying again, haven’t you?”

your eyes dart back at him. you’re not wearing any makeup, so you know he couldn’t tell it from a messy mascara, and it’s been a while since you stopped crying now so your eyes are likely not red any longer. you don’t know how he does it, but he reads you so well. it’s like you’re an open book, even though everyone has always told you that you are the exact opposite. it’s like he understands every single thought you have, and many people would just blame it on the fact that you’ve been dating for so long now - except, you haven’t. you’ve been fake dating.

you and juyeon have been good friends for a couple of years now, having met when you first started college, and there had never been any romantic feelings between you two. not even the flirty kind of banter friends can have that makes their other friends sure they’re gonna get together; which is why all your friends were shocked to hear that you were dating all of the sudden.

juyeon’s best friend hyunjae had made fun of him once, telling him that he would never be able to have the same partner for over a year - so the boys made a bet. and you had for as long as you could remember been nagged on by your parents about never finding a partner. so you and juyeon came together, and made a deal; you would fake date each other for one year, so juyeon could win his bet, and so you could have someone to bring to family gatherings to please your parents.

you just hadn’t expected to fall for juyeon in the meantime, and you never thought you’d end up wishing those 12 months went by slower.

just a few months into the deal, you had started noticing the smaller things about juyeon. like how he acts towards his younger brother, how he treats his friends, how he takes care of you even though there’s nothing between you other than a deal. it made you grow fonder of him - and you started to like him for real.

you didn’t answer, and you didn’t need to - he already knew the answer. “is it me?”

you tilted your head, your eyebrows furrowed. “what?”

“am i the reason you cry at night? when you think i’m asleep?”

you sighed, taking a sip from your tea to calm your nerves. “i...” you pause. “i don’t know, i guess so.”

juyeon’s gaze was worried, and he pulled a hand through his hair. “please, talk to me. tell me how you feel.”

you were sure you wouldn’t get anything out of this situation if you told the truth. he’d only laugh at you, or feel bad for you, before leaving you once again. yet, something inside of you urged you to tell the truth. “i wish we didn’t have to end this next month.”

you were surprised at your own honesty, and seemingly so was juyeon. but he didn’t laugh, and he didn’t look like he felt bad for you. “neither do i.”

your jaw dropped in surprise and your eyes widened. “what?”

“are you really that oblivious?” you rolled your eyes at him, but there was a grin slowly creeping up over his lips. “i’ve been giving you hints for such a long time now.”

you paused for a moment, not sure what to say. “i- you’re not as easy to read as i apparently am!”

“okay, okay,” he laughed, moving a bit closer to you and cupping your cheek with one of his hands. “i like you. i don’t want our relationship to be fake anymore.” you closed your eyes, not daring to look at him. “was that clear enough?”

you nodded, your lips curving upwards into a smile. “yeah.”

he took you by surprise as he leaned forward, pressing his lips onto yours. you had kissed before, when trying to prove yourselves to be a real couple to other people, but this was different. this was a kiss shared between two people who liked each other, who also knew that the other liked them, and it felt so much better. when you pulled away, you were both grinning like idiots.

“you think you’ll be able to sleep now, then?” he asked, and you faked a gasp.

“oh, you only did this so that you could go back to sleep?” you mocked, still smiling. juyeon stuck out his tongue at you.

“yes. so can we, please?”

you knock on the door in front of you, holding your other hand over your head in hopes of protecting yourself from some of the rain which was currently pouring down over you. your entire body feels sore, your head is extremely heavy today, and you have a really bad headache - so the rain is maybe the least of your problems, after all. but you could’ve still brought an umbrella, you think to yourself.

finally, the door opens, and on the other side of it stands jeno, gasping out of surprise at your dripping wet state. “oh my god, you didn’t bring an umbrella?”

he walks to the side to let you in, and you join him inside the apartment. “no i did, i just didn’t feel like using it,” you tease, and jeno sticks out his tongue at you as an answer. “is jaemin around?”

jeno nods as you peel off your jacket, holding it out through the door frame and squeezing it to release some of the water, before closing the door. “he’s in our room.” 

you thank him as you pull off your shoes, before making your way to the door you know leads into jeno and jaemin’s room, giving a quick wave to jisung and renjun as you pass the living room where they’re sitting, watching some movie on the tv. when you arrive by the door, you let your hand knock on it before pushing down the handle slowly and looking into the room.

on his bed lay jaemin on his side, mindlessly scrolling and swiping on his phone. he jerks up at the sound of your knocks, and smiles when he sees you standing in the doorway. “hey,” he says, sitting up on the edge of the bed and reaching out with his arms towards you.

you close the door behind you and strut over to him, taking his hands in yours. “hello there,” you hum back. “how did promotions go?”

“good! how did your practice go?”

you let go of his hands and instead plop onto the bed, landing on your stomach. burying your face into the soft duvet, you mumble, “it went okay.”

jaemin chuckles and moves over to place a hand on your lower back, letting his thumb stroke over the material of your hoodie. “you don’t look very okay, sweetheart.”

you sigh, moving your face out of the duvet to look at him. “i’m just sore,” you let out. “and my head hurts, and our dance teacher wants me to come in extra early tomorrow to-” you’re cut off when jaemin suddenly moves both of his hands to your back, his fingers working their way into your tense muscles as he gives your back a massage. you sigh again, instinctively, though this time out of pleasure.

“go on.”

“i- i don’t even remember what i was talking about.” jaemin laughs but lets his fingers continue moving through every tiny bit of your back. you turn around and take both his hands in yours, holding them up from your body. “aren’t you tired too? you shouldn’t have to waste your energy on helping me feel better-”

he shushes you, shaking his head. “let me take care of you.”

after a moment of consideration, you smile up at him and he returns the action. you turn around again to let him start over, and once you feel his hands on your back once again, you say, “jaemin.”

“hm?”

“thank you.” you feel him lean down and place a soft kiss to your temple.

today hasn’t been your best day. in fact, you have felt bad for a longer period of time now, but it hasn’t all come crashing down over you until today. you hadn’t felt like doing anything at all, and that included answering any of your boyfriend’s texts.

this wasn’t the first time this had happened, so heeseung wasn’t particularly surprised - but he still was extremely worried, and to say that his heart broke a bit as he stepped into your dark apartment soon after the clock had struck 11 would be an understatement.

as soon as he finds you, he realizes what you’re doing. he isn’t sure if you had heard him enter through the front door, so he very softly, in hopes of not scaring you, fakes a cough before moving slowly towards you. you don’t react, and he hadn’t expected you to either, but instead sit exactly still in your position, eyes gazing out through the window. heeseung sits down on the opposite side of the sill, and he too looks up at the sky, letting the silence engulf you both for a couple of moments before he speaks up.

“orion is very clear tonight,” he hums, voice low enough to make sure you wouldn’t be startled, yet loud enough for you to hear every word clearly. your head nods slightly, and you move your eyes to scan over the said constellation. he continues, “ursa major looks good too.”

a couple more seconds pass in silence, and heeseung is surprised to hear your voice. “do you see cassiopeia?” he searches the night sky and when he doesn’t answer soon after your question, you speak up again. “a bit above orion.” it takes him a few moments to focus his gaze enough to see the stars of cassiopeia, but when he does, a smile spreads over his lips.

“it’s pretty.” he looks over at you and, almost unwillingly, takes in your appearance. your red, swollen eyes and the tear stains on the sleeves of your gray hoodie make him feel completely crushed over the fact that he doesn’t know what to do to help you. he wants to do something, he feels like he needs to do something, but he is scared. he knows that usually, on any other day, you would curl up next to him and pinch his cheeks and call him cute, and he would kiss your cheek and hold you close, but he understands that today wouldn’t be like one of those days. and even though he understands and respects your feelings, it tears him apart to not be able to fix it.

“have you eaten?” he asks, although he thinks he knows the answer already. and he finds himself correct, though not victorious, when you shake your head slowly, shifting your position slightly to be able to see more of the constellations to your left. heeseung lets out a quiet and downhearted, but not disappointed, sigh before he stands up. you still don’t react, but when he gets closer to you and leans down to give your temple a soft kiss, he can see your eyelids flutter closed and the corners of your lips almost twitch upwards into a smile. “i’ll make some ramen, okay?”

you nod, and when heeseung turns around to walk into the kitchen, he feels like there’s been a slight change for the better in the atmosphere since he first walked into the apartment. he hopes you feel it too.

“heeseung?”

he stops in his tracks at your light voice, and shoots a glance over his shoulder to see you look back at him. he hums as a response, and you look down at your fingers which are now fiddling with the hem of your hoodie.

“thank you,” you mumble, and heeseung’s heart fills with affection. it’s such a small act of his to cook some noodles, but it symbolizes something much bigger. it means that he cares about you, even when you’re at your worst, and that means a lot to you. you make a mental note to make sure, when you’re feeling better, that he understands just how thankful you are.

“of course,” he answers, not able to force back a smile. you turn back towards the window, and he continues his way to the kitchen.

you heard the voice from behind you and managed to leap to your side to avoid the spell just in time, letting the red light instead hit the wall in front of you. you turned around, and instantly noticed the death eater who was standing many meters away, his wand by his head and ready to strike. “petrificus totalus!”

“protego!”

the beams shooting from his wand met the shield yours had produced, blocking it and letting its light die out. closing the distance between you, he lunged forwards and kept casting a variety of spells, which you, with great difficulty, blocked. you couldn’t hold your protection much longer, it was getting too tough - so instead, you turned around and made a run for it. a green beam of light missed your head by only a few centimeters, as you turned around a corner and kept running. you knew he was following you, and you knew you couldn’t keep this up; just as he rounded the corner, you pointed your wand to the roof above of him. “bombarda maxima!” you tried your best to keep your voice as steady and strong as possible, despite your wild nerves. the spell worked; soon, the death eater lay buried underneath the heavy stones that had just fallen.

you let out a sigh as you determined that he wasn’t going to rise, but you remembered to not let down your guard. there were perhaps hundreds of others inside and around the castle, and you knew from this little incident that they weren’t afraid to attack. so as you ran ahead, on towards the great hall where you hoped to find the people you were looking for, it was with your wand raised high and your eyes listening for every small sound in your vicinity.

you had been taken aback at first when that death eater had arrived; you hadn’t expected to meet anyone the moment you stepped out of the room of requirement. you thought everyone ought to be in the great hall, or perhaps outside of the castle - not lurking around on the top floors of the building. but none of that was what was going through your mind at the moment. you were focused on finding-

“jake, watch out!” you could recognize his voice from miles away, and especially when he was calling out for his best friend, but you don’t think you’ve ever heard such desperation in his voice ever before. at the end of the hallway, you spotted him - jay’s wand was shooting rays of all colors as he leaped forward, shooting down the woman in black, long robes who had just a second ago had a good grip around jake’s neck. she lay still on the floor, and for a few moments the boys stand as if frozen, until jake crouches down next to her and declares that she’s still alive, just fainted, to which both boys seem to calm down for a second. that is, until a scream is heard from a bit away, and the both of them run to where it came from, out of sight from you.

you were surprised that you had stopped in your tracks to watch the scene ahead of you, and you shake yourself before starting to run forwards again. reaching the end of the hallway, you turn to the way jay and jake had just gone. through the big entrance to the great hall, your eyes scanned over your two friends who were helping a ravenclaw girl, who you recognized to have been in your charms last year, fight off two death eaters. sprinting towards them, you watched as the girl, who you now remembered is called yewon, got hit by a spell right in the stomach, launching her into the wall behind her with great force.

as the wizard cheered his own accomplishment and was left unfocused on the other students, jake used the opportunity to strike. “expelliarmus!” he yelled, and the death eater’s wand flew out of his grip and onto the floor, close to where jay was currently standing, fighting the other death eater. as jake stunned the wandless wizard, jay did something he shouldn’t have - he bowed down to pick up the wand from the floor, but in that exact moment, the witch in front of him aimed towards him and was surely about to jinx him-

“levicorpus!” you yelled with all your might, now only standing a few meters away from them both, and the witch too dropped her wand, now hanging in the air upside down. 

jay turned his head to where your voice had come from, and his jaw dropped once he saw your face. “y/n?!”

“petrificus totalus.” the witch now dropped down onto the floor, head first, and you almost felt bad for her for a moment before you started thinking about what she could’ve done to jay if you hadn’t jumped in.

“what are you doing here?” jay exclaimed, coming closer to you. “are you completely crazy?”

“a small 'thanks' would’ve been nice,” you scoffed, and before he had the opportunity to say anything else, you turned your head to where your former classmate had crashed into the wall, and spoke again. “yewon? are you still there?”

you didn’t hear an answer, and you ran over to where you suspected she was - and she was right by the wall, lying on the floor and sobbing as she held an arm to her chest.

“hey, are you alright?” you crouched down next to her, placing a hand on her trembling shoulder.

“my arm...” she managed to get out in-between sobs. “it hurts...”

when you looked at it, it wasn’t bleeding nor did it have any visible curses on the skin. you turned your head around to jake, who was now standing behind you. “do you think it’s broken?”

“likely. with that force, i’m surprised more isn’t,” he said, and you nodded agreeingly, pulling out your wand and tapping it to her forearm.

“brackium emendo.”

yewon gave out another cry, but this time it wasn't out of pain. “thank you! thank you so much-”

“y/n,” you heard jay’s stern voice from behind you and you turned around once again. his arms were crossed over his chest, and if you had been anyone else, you likely would’ve crumbled under his gaze. but you couldn’t, not now, there were much more important things to do, people were still screaming on the other side of the castle walls and- “please, can’t we talk?”

you stood up, dusting off your knees with your hands before speaking to jake. “make sure she’s okay, please? and pick up that witch’s wand from the floor, and make sure neither of the death eaters get up.” jake nodded at you, flashing you a small smile, before you walked over to where jay was now standing, two tables away from the others.

the great hall was completely empty now, except for the four of you and the two stunned death eaters, and the atmosphere was almost tranquil, even though there was a full-on war going on just a small distance away.

“what are you doing here?” he asked, the desperation clear in his voice. “i thought they made it clear that-”

“i didn’t get to choose what i wanted to do, i was just forced into the room of requirement like everyone else, and-” you took a deep breath. “of course, i escaped. did you really expect me to just follow the others?”

“yes, because you’re underage, y/n!”

“by two months,” you spat, having a hard time controlling your anger at jay’s stubbornness. “i’m two months too young to fight? that doesn’t make any sense, you know i’m better at charms than most of your classmates!”

he shook his head, his eyes wandering around the room. “they were the rules, y/n. i can’t believe you-”

“can’t believe what? that i would want to fight for my school? fight for my friends? fight for this world to not go under-” you let a few tears fall down your cheeks, and you weren’t sure if it was out of exhaustion, frustration, or despair; likely a combination of them all. but you didn’t bother wiping them away. “fight for you. did you expect that i would just sit at home, just hoping that my friends, family, and boyfriend would all survive? not knowing anything and not being able to affect it would’ve killed me, i think you know-”

you were cut off as he pushed his lips onto yours. your eyes fluttered closed instinctively, and your hand that wasn’t currently holding your wand went up to cup his cheek. he tasted of blood from a small cut on his bottom lip and you tasted of salt from your tears, but neither of you minded. kissing jay felt so familiar; it felt like you were home again. it felt like you were back in your common room with him like you’d been a year ago, when no war had been going on and no dark lord was preparing for his final battle. jay’s lips smoothed over yours with such ease and such softness that if you hadn’t been standing, you could’ve fallen asleep from it.

“hey guys,” jake’s voice made you jump into reality again, and you moved your hand from jay’s cheek to his chest to push him away from you far enough for your lips to part from his again. “i hate to be the one to interrupt your moment, but uh... we should really get going.”

you nodded towards him, before looking back over at jay again, who did not look like he had wanted to stop his previous actions, a tiny pout on his lips. now that you were standing so close to him, you could study his face; there were several smaller wounds all over it, and he winced slightly when you reached up to remove a small piece of glass that had been stuck in a cut below his right eye. you used your thumb to wipe away the blood which had leaked down from a bigger wound by his jaw. “episkey,” you whispered, watching as the skin melted together and soon looked as if nothing had ever happened to it.

there was a loud bang, and the glass of the windows behind the staff table shattered everywhere - and in through the hole ran at least a dozen new death eaters, followed by students, teachers, parents, and other adults who were fighting for your side. and amongst them, you spotted none other than your brother - sunghoon was dueling a death eater, whom you’d seen before in the newspapers, all alone, but as he struck the other wizard with a jinx that seemed to have an extreme force, the death eater flew and slammed into a wall just like yewon had done.

in the few moments that you had stood watching your brother, the people around you hadn’t stopped like you, but instead started helping out in battles. you instantly joined jay’s side again, helping him battle a tall and broad man whose wand was producing beams of light at a faster speed than you had ever seen before. “incarcerous!” jay roared, and ropes appeared out of thin air which wrapped around the death eater and held his limbs tightly together.

“good one,” you told him, and turned around to find someone else to help - but standing right behind you was none other than sunghoon. 

“jay, are you dumb?!” he screamed at the boy standing next to you. beads of sweat were rolling down his face and his dark eyes made him look of a mixture between exasperated and exhausted. “forcing my baby sister into a war?!”

“he didn’t force me, you idiot!” you frowned up at him, groaning. “i chose it myself. and what part of me is baby, sunghoon? i’m almost of age, start treating me like it!”

“either way, you can’t be here! you have to get back to the room of requirement!”

you shook your head and took a step closer to him. “in case you haven’t noticed, they’re fighting in here. if we don’t help out soon, we will all be dead. i’d rather die helping out than die arguing about this!”

you walked past him and raised your wand, ready to strike at a witch jake was taking on at the moment, but sunghoon grabbed your arm and pulled you back. you were about to shake him off and complain when he pulled you into a hug. holding you close, he muttered, “i can’t lose you. please, please, take care. never battle alone.” you squeezed him back and nodded into his chest, before pulling away from him. you heard how he told jay to protect you, and the two of them were just about to hug when a red light missed the tops of their heads by just a few centimeters, almost as if it was a signal that you all needed to get back to the war.

you and jay took on one death eater each, throwing spells and shooting colored jets through the air as quickly as you could. but after stunning your opponent, and helping jay do the same to his, you overlooked the room and realized just how many people there were. it was extremely crowded, with injured people crying for help while lying on the floor and voldemort’s helpers assaulting other wizards and witches with both their wands and their bodies. it was overwhelming, there were too many of them, how would you ever win this? your breath became uneven, and you felt like you weren’t getting any air. your head was spinning, and the ground felt like it was shaking below you - it likely was, to be honest - and you couldn’t stay in your place a second longer.

you turned around slowly, before moving towards the opening of the main hall and looked for the best place to go. to your left, your defense against the dark arts teacher was fighting two robed, tall men all by himself, though he seemed to have no problem doing so; to your right, the hallway was empty, so that’s where you went. you found a hole in the wall a bit away, and you could almost hear the fresh air of the night calling for you, so you climbed out through it. instantly, your lungs were filled with the cold air, making you close your eyes in satisfaction and sit down on the ground, relaxing fully. you instantly felt better, and you felt like you wouldn’t have to be out here for a lot longer before you could back inside, just-

“look at who we have here,” said a female voice from beside you, and you opened your eyes and flew up to stand on the stone debris from what had formerly been the wall. you recognized her instantly - she was one of voldemort’s most faithful followers, and you had read about her and her escape from azkaban in the newspapers before. “isn’t it the little mudblood who’s been helping lee heeseung in his plans against the dark lord?” you raised your wand to attack, but she was quicker. “expelliarmus!” your wand flew up into the air and landed right by her feet. you didn’t even bother trying to fetch it, you knew it would be to no avail. “tell me where the boy is hiding, and i shall spare your life.”

“i don’t know!” you cried out.

she raised her eyebrows. “hmm. maybe this will make you remember. crucio!”

you had never experienced pain like this in your life. you crashed down onto the ground, unable to control anything in your body. the pain was obliterating, intense, all-consuming. you screamed, but you couldn’t hear yourself, all your senses being dulled out by the pain. 

and suddenly, she broke off the curse, though your muscles were still throbbing from the curse. “do you know where he is now, then?” she sneered.

“no-” just as you had managed to whimperingly utter the word, she flicked her wand once again. the second hit of the spell felt a lot like the first, but this time she held it for much longer. your bones were on fire, a million knives were pushing into your skin, boiling water was being poured over your body, your head was about to explode-

the relief you felt when she stopped the curse for the second time was indescribable. high-pitched, horrifying laughs were flowing from the death eater’s mouth before she once again spoke. “i think you know now.”

you wanted to slap the grin off her dark lips, but you had no energy to even stand up. instead, you gathered your last bits of power, and said, “i don’t. and even if i had known, i wouldn’t have told you.”

she chuckled, before shaking her head at you. “you silly girl... you deserve this.”

the third time the spell hit you, it was much worse than the other two times; she must’ve gone extremely angry by now. it felt as if you were in space, there was no air for you to breathe. your lungs weren’t working properly. you wished to do anything to make this extreme pain go away, anything... even disappear or... die...

though it had felt like an eternity for you, there were only a few moments after she’d cursed you that the curse was interrupted once again. you couldn’t even look up; you were curled into a ball on the ground, eyes shut tight, wishing that everything would just be over...

soon, there was a shuffle beside you, and soon a hand lay on your shoulder, shaking it gently. “y/n? are you alive? please, be alive...”

by now, you were just barely breathing; it was too hard, it took too much energy from you and you already had very little left.

“hey, it’s all fine now,” a voice told you, as a hand caressed your cheek. “she’s gone. you’ll be fine. please, just-” the voice paused, and when it returned, you could tell that the person by you had turned around and was now yelling towards the entrance of the castle. “jake! get some water, quick!”

you were too exhausted to listen clearly to his voice and try to recognize it, but from his wording, you could easily tell who it was. slowly, you opened your eyes, looking up at jay who sat crouched next to you. he had more bruises and wounds all over his face now than he had had when you had left him, and he was looking down at you with eyes of such panic that you’d never seen before. “fuck, y/n,” he mumbled. “you can’t just go off like that. do you realize how-”

he stopped in his tracks when you reached up with a hand to thread your fingers through his hair, pushing his fringe back and out of his eyes. “i’m fine.”

“a-are you sure?”

you nodded slowly at him, closing your eyes once again and letting your arm fall to your side. “i just need to...rest a bit...” jay let out a sigh of relief, and his hand went from your shoulder and up to your face, letting his thumb wipe away a few tears that you hadn’t noticed shedding. “what happened to her?” you hummed, voice low.

“oh, you didn’t hear it?” you furrowed your eyebrows. “i stunned her at first, but then voldemort spoke over the grounds and told his forces to retreat, to give us one hour to treat to everyone’s wounds and to say our goodbyes to those who are leaving us. he said that heeseung has an hour to give himself in, or else the war is on again.” 

you were surprised that you hadn't heard voldemort's voice, but then again, you even now had to put in all your force to hear jay properly. you looked up at him. “he’s not going to, is he?” you questioned, to which jay merely shrugged. “he can’t, that’s-”

“y/n, are you okay?! someone told me what happened,” said jake as he came up to you two, an empty plastic bottle in his hand. “i only found this, it’s empty, i know, but i mean you can always-”

“aguamenti,” jay said to cut off his friend’s rambling, filling the bottle quickly before handing it to you. thanking them both, you sat up straight, although every muscle and every ligament in your body screamed as you did, and drank a couple of sips.

deciding that you wouldn’t get anything done sitting there all night, you put away the bottle and pressed your hands into the ground, trying to push yourself up, but instantly failed. jay saw your struggling and bolted up, offering his hand down to you and helping you stand up once you took it in yours. “how’s your balance?” jake asked as you froze for a few seconds when you were trying to figure out if you were blacking out due to the stinging feeling in your head or due to your blood pressure dropping from standing up too quickly.

“not good enough,” you chuckled. “will you guys help me?” they both nodded, and soon they were by your sides, letting you throw your arms across their shoulders to steady you.

as you walked into the castle again through the hole you had come out from a while ago, you couldn’t help but to think about what jay had said earlier. say our goodbyes to those who are leaving us... he made it seem like there are many who were too injured to bring back. there couldn’t be a lot, could there?

“where is heeseung?” you asked, moving your head between them to look at their faces. “he knows we are fighting, right? he can’t give up!”

jake stopped in his tracks, which made you jump back too even though you all were just a few meters from the main hall by now, and he gave jay a very specific look. “you haven’t told her, have you?”

jay rubbed his hand that wasn’t holding you up against the back of his neck. “i- i haven’t found a good moment to do it!”

“wha-” was all you could let out before jake spoke again.

“and you think this is a good moment?!” he almost yelled, shaking his head at jay.

“i don’t think we’ll find a better one, nor that we have any choice,” jay groaned, and just as your confusion and frustration of not being allowed into the conversation peaked, someone ran into your view.

“oh my god, y/n!” cried yewon, running up to you. “i’m so sorry for your loss, i wish there was something i could’ve done-”

and that’s when it hit you. you realized what jay and jake had been referring to, but you refused to believe it. she must’ve been confused, it can’t have been true, nothing was wrong-

you pulled away your arms from the boys and ignored their calls of your name when you sprinted forwards, past yewon and into the hall. you pushed away your thoughts of your aching muscles and how it was likely unwise to do this; nothing was more important right now than making it all the way to where the dead bodies lay in the middle of the room. they had removed the tables by now, and people were gathering in groups around the wizards and witches on the floor, though you couldn’t see anything other than the one body you were aiming towards. and as you reached him, the world turned black.

“sunghoon,” you whispered, crouching down to the floor and shaking him by his shoulders. “please, sunghoon. you’re not dead, you can’t die, not now, you...” before you knew it, your sobs were uncontrollable, your face buried in his dusty cloak. this couldn’t be real. there was no way. “wake up... i beg of you...”

you felt someone sit down next to you, and then a hand on your back. you instantly turned around and threw yourself into jay’s embrace, crying out loud. your hands clutched at the material covering his chest and once again you had trouble breathing, your breaths unnaturally short and rapid. jay held your trembling body to him as tightly as he could, hoping that if you felt that he was there with you he’d be able to hold you down in reality, to make sure your mind wasn’t floating away.