lauren

|TW: patient death, injury description|

The monotonous sound of the blaring flatline stung your ears. Sweat drenched your face, you stepped back from the patient, and rested your hands on top of your head. You were shaking, a whole bundle of emotions flooded your body. There wasn’t one reaction you would be able to express properly, so you seemed to go numb instead. You took a deep breath while tears pricked your eyes.

This was your first time losing a patient. A sudden loss, at that. It was an emergency trauma case that came in due to an unknown attack. It was violent: several lacerations scattered the body. Bruises began to form around the woman’s limbs and most notably around the neck. Blunt force trauma to the head, fractured bones, you name it, it was there. Her heart stopped several times, her brain hemorrhaged; there was no way she could make it.

But you tried. And tried, and tried.

But it wasn’t enough.

“Shit.” You mumbled, staring at the deceased patient. Nurses had already begun unhooking machines and stopping IVs. Just like that, it was over.

“Dr. (Y/L/N), go ahead.” Dr. Cullen said softly, looking down at you and examining your demeanor.

“What?” You looked up at him, quickly wiping your tears, but not quick enough for Dr. Cullen not to notice.

“Time of death, call it.”

“Right.” You said. You looked at the digital clock across the room, “Cynthia Kesh. Time of death: 1:34 am.”

You let out a shaky sigh and looked back at Dr. Cullen, his gaze still upon you. He nodded in approval, a soft sense of pride coming through. He understood this was difficult for you and let you process things at your own pace.

Death was something you knew you were going to have to deal with, throughout life and especially in this career. You understood it, you weren’t scared of it, but you couldn’t stand watching other people experiencing it.

The two of you left the room silently and headed to Dr. Cullen’s office. The tension from earlier still lingered in the air, you felt embarrassed about your reaction. A doctor shouldn’t be so affected by death.

You walked into the office and the door shut softly behind you, the only significant sound to materialize since you pronounced the time of death. You slumped down onto a small sofa that sat against the left wall. The seat next to you sunk down as Dr. Cullen sat beside you.

“Good work today. You’re a very talented doctor.” He reassured you, it was as if he knew what she was feeling, and what she needed to hear in that moment.

You looked up at him and furrowed your brow, “But-but we lost her.”

Dr. Cullen shook his head, “It was inevitable, but you did your best to stop it. You gave her more of a chance than most could.”

You faked a smile and slowly blinked, “Thanks.” You looked back down and played with your hands, a way to self soothe.

“I’m sorry for losing my composure earlier. It was just—hard.” You apologized.

Dr. Cullen shook his head, “No, no.” He gently laid a hand on your back, “Please, don’t be. It’s a difficult thing to experience. You’re still allowed to be human while being a doctor.”

The warmth of his words comforted you, his kind nature was something you needed. That you’ve always wanted.

“Thank you, Dr. Cullen.” You sighed.

He chuckled and took his hand off your back. “Please,” he began, locking eyes with you, “call me Carlisle. We’ve been partners long enough.”

“Sure.” You smiled and lifted your head up, getting a better look at his eyes. They were a deep black now. “Then call me (Y/N).”

“Will do.” He nodded, breaking eye contact with you. “Are you feeling alright?” He asked, a sound of concern leaving his voice.

“Uh, yeah, I’m okay.” You lied. Guilt still lingered in your body, a feeling you wouldn’t be able to shake for a while.

“It’ll get easier, I promise.” He spoke softly. Every time he spoke it felt like warm honey, sweet and comforting. You thought about this a lot.

You glanced at your watch and realizing the time, you spoke up, “I guess we should get going.” You stood up from the sofa, and Carlisle followed suit.

“I suppose we should.” He grabbed your jacket and handed it to you. This was new, but you didn’t think anything of it. Or at least, you tried not to. You walked together out to the parking lot, the sky was clear for once and the full moon shone bright upon you.

“Good night doctor, er, Carlisle.” You let out a soft laugh and began to open your car door.

“Goodnight, (Y/N).” He smiled at your correction.

You began to take a seat when Carlisle spoke again, “And please, (Y/N), remember, if you need anything, you can call me. At any time you need.” He then stepped inside his car, started the engine, and drove off.

You couldn’t help but smile to yourself.

Shit. Stop it.

You huffed and tried to physically shake off this feeling. Of course, you couldn’t.

•

You had almost immediately passed out the moment you got home. You were exhausted by the events of the day, no doubt, but you couldn’t say it ended that badly. You kept thinking about Carlisle. He and his words swirled around in your mind, especially those about calling him. You wanted to call him and talk, just about anything. You wanted to know who he was, about his family, his ideas, his likes and dislikes. Everything. You didn’t know why he pulled you in so intensely. It was a draw you had never felt before toward someone, especially someone you barely met.

Something awoke you. It wasn’t a noise or a bad dream. It was a feeling, a sense, like you were being watched. You slowly sat up and scanned your room, the pale moonlight shone through the opening of your curtains and gave you enough light to faintly see. You shook your head, realizing nothing was there, and laid your head back onto your pillow. You closed your eyes, trying to drift off again.

Fuck this.

You shot up, this feeling of being watched surged once more. You flicked on your bedside lamp and scanned the room again. Nothing.

“Hello?” You shouted out, not expecting an answer. Of course, you didn’t get one. You shook your head again, nothing was there, chill out.

But still, you couldn’t sleep, and before you knew it, it was time to start your shift at the hospital. You had only slept an hour but you had to get over it.

You sleepily dressed yourself, brushed your teeth, and headed out. It was extremely foggy and dark gray clouds loomed overhead, threatening downpour at any second.

When you arrived, it had started to thunder and lightning and of course, rain buckets. You walked inside and immediately went to the break room. You sat down at a table and folded your arms to rest your head, and despite the beaming fluorescent lights, you were able to sleep.

•

“Good morning, (Y/N).” A soft voice spoke. You raised your head and a pair of golden eyes met your own.

“Carlisle.” You grinned, sitting all the way up, “Good morning.”

“I thought you might need this today.” Carlisle placed a warm cup of coffee in front of you.

You puffed out a small laugh, “How did you know?” Your eyebrows slightly furrowed in confusion, but you took the coffee nonetheless. The warmth of it traveled from your fingertips to the rest of your body, a nice contrast from the weather.

Carlisle smiled back and shrugged, “Good intuition, I suppose.”

“No coffee for you?” You questioned, looking at the empty space in front of him. You took a sip.

He shook his head, “I already had mine.” His tone sounded awkward.

You nodded and took another sip, “I needed this, thank you. I barely slept at all.”

“How come?”

“It’s silly, but, I had this feeling. Like I was being watched. I don’t know-it was weird.” You shook your head, a little embarrassed to admit the reason.

Carlisle’s facial expression dropped and he turned his head away from you, then quickly snapped back. “How strange. Are you feeling alright? Safe?”

You nodded your head, “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. No worries.” A sheepish smile slipped onto your face.

You both sat in silence for a moment, but it was nice. Even just being near him was enough to make you feel comfortable.

You decided to break the quiet, “So...” you thought for a moment, deciding on what to say, “how is your family?” Fantastic small talk, but you honestly wanted to know about him more.

Carlisle smiled thinking about them, “Good, they’re good. They’re actually coming to the hospital’s charity banquet this weekend. I was hoping they would get to meet you.”

“Oh, really? I’d love to.” You nodded, taking another sip. This comment was quite surprising to you, he really wanted his family to meet you? Why? You were just a work partner after all. But nonetheless it made you feel good, warm.

“Fantastic. I’ll come by and we can go together.” He said, standing up, pushing his chair in and reviewed charts.

What.

“Like-my place? And pick me up?” You didn’t hide the shock in your voice.

Carlisle looked from the charts back to you, “Yes, is that alright with you?”

Everything was nonchalant with him, maybe it was you overreacting or wishful thinking, but it just sounded like he asked you to be his date to the banquet. Your mind spiraled.

“Yeah-Yeah, of course, yeah.” Your head was nodding like a bobble head, butterflies filled your stomach.

As quickly as he asked, he moved on, like it was no big deal. And maybe it wasn’t, to him. Maybe he really just wanted to go as coworkers, but that wasn’t as fun to think about.

•

The day went by quickly, everything went smoothly. Morning and evening rounds were swift, a meeting you and Carlisle attended was admittedly boring, but not awful, and the major surgery for the day was long, but fun. It helped that going as Carlisle’s date to the banquet occupied your mind the most.

It was midnight, and you and Carlisle were off for the night. The rain was still howling harder than ever. Lightning struck and thunder shook your surroundings.

You arrived to your car and went to turn on the engine. Then again, and once more.

“Shit!” You shouted, hitting the steering wheel. It wasn’t working. You stepped out of your car, and in another bit of rage, kicked your tire.

“Everything ok over there?” A voice shouted back. You turned your head and saw Carlisle, sitting in his drivers seat with the window down.

“Uh-no, not really.” You shouted once again, struggling to compete with the beating rain.

“Come on.” He tilted his head in his direction, beckoning you to join him. You did just that, not wanting to get soaked anymore. That didn’t help much, as you were already drenched and shivering.

“Thanks.” You said as you got adjusted and buckled yourself in. Carlisle quickly turned the heater on and pointed it toward you. Why didn’t he have it on before?

Without a word, he started the car and headed out.

“What’s your address?” He questioned, but it didn’t seem like he needed to. He had already made the first couple correct turns.

“You’re actually going the right way already.” You chuckled. Weird.

“Oh, really?” He said, but it was more of a statement than a question.

“Yeah.” You mumbled, hugging yourself for warmth.

It took a few minutes, but the two of you finally arrived in front of your apartment. Carlisle parked the car and turned to you, “Goodnight, (Y/N),” He hummed. His bright amber eyes glistened from the moonlight, they were enchanting. So enchanting, in fact, that you had forgot to respond. You were just sitting there, staring at him. But it wasn’t like he wasn’t gazing back.

“Goodnight, Carlisle.” You murmured, barely audible and not breaking eye contact.

A gentle smile crept onto his lips, and another minute of silence passed by. Neither of you could deny that the tension was thick.

“You should go inside.” Carlisle whispered, “You’re freezing.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right.” You snapped out of your trance and looked away. You opened the car door quickly, a bit embarrassed at your behavior, and stepped out.

“Hey, remember, Saturday, I’ll pick you up for the banquet.”

You turned around and looked back into his car.

“Saturday. Right. See you then.” You waved goodbye, and Carlisle began to leave.

!human fem reader x Carlisle Cullen | You’re new to Forks, Washington. You just moved after graduating a surgical internship from your hometown’s hospital, but now you’re on to study greater things as a surgical resident under Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Starting a career in a new town with strange people seems daunting, but soon you will find family. A family with secrets far beyond your comprehension, but also with love that will surely last.|

September 24, 2014, 6:24 p.m.

Light showers gently sprinkled down upon the tiny town of Forks, Washington. The fog made itself home around your car, blurring your windshield while you drove along Fork’s backroads towards Parkview Regional Hospital. The low hum of your car combined with the rain’s rhythmic beating hypnotized your brain; you were practically on autopilot for the past 20 minutes, letting the faint street lights and the little shops that lined the roads guide you through your drive. Until you looked at the clock, that is.

Late.

You are late.

Potentially the most important day of your young adult life, and you’re late. Not a couple minutes late, or even five- see, that could be fudged into some pathetic half-true excuse with a 75% acceptance rate when given with a friendly and somewhat apologetic disposition.

No, this was a whole 24 minutes late. A whole 24 minutes you had wasted while brain-dead, sitting in your car, daydreaming about the exact new life you’d be starting today, well, should have started 24 minutes ago.

A plethora of curses flew out from under your breath as your adrenaline pumped through your body, bunches of butterflies batted inside your stomach. Thankfully, you quickly identified the road you were on and got back on track, your destination only a few moments away from your current position. Now to make up an excuse.

•

Finding your way through the densely fogged road, the Parkview Regional Hospital eventually made itself visible. Another bout of adrenaline filled your body upon its sight, you quickly and clumsily parked your car, gathered your things, slammed the door, and ran into the entrance.

The bright fluorescent overhead lights delightfully highlighted your now soggy scrubs. Their original soft green color now splotched with dark wet spots truly added another level of lovely to this day.

Your first day of surgical residency.

You’re late.

And soggy.

Fucking fantastic.

But you can’t stop now. Your feet pick up pace before your brain registers your next decision, which should be to find a certain Dr. Cullen.

Your attending, Dr. Cullen, was the one who you would be working under for the next several years. The one you would look up to as a mentor and guide through your early medical career, showing you the ropes of hospital life. The one’s respect you hoped to earn throughout your time here, and you’ve already fucked up the first impression.

You made your way to ER and stumbled upon a group of doctors seemingly checking charts. You braved up, swallowed your pride, puffed up your chest, and trotted up to them.

“Hello.” You said firmly, fixing your posture and trying to ignore the fact you look like a disheveled buffoon.

The group turned to you, unanimously making a slightly concerned expression. This made your confidence shoot downward.

“Ehm..” you cleared your throat, “I am looking for a, uh, Dr. Cullen.” You nod.

One of the doctors let a grin appear on his face, then nodded, “Dr. Cullen.” He said in affirmation.

The doctor was quite tall, but that was definitely not the most prominent feature of his. He had strikingly pale skin which was only brightened under the fluorescent lights. His eyes were an incredible shade of amber which complimented his neatly styled blonde hair.

“Why don’t we move to a quieter place?” Dr. Cullen asked, beginning to walk away from the group, expecting you to follow.

You did so, following him in thick silence while you racked your brain for a decent excuse and apology. You both walked for a few more seconds before turning down another hallway, then stopping in front of a door with the label “DR. CULLEN” plastered on it. He opened the door for you, still softly smiling. You smiled and nodded in gratitude before walking into the office. He shut the door behind him and made his way to his desk chair. Before fully seating himself, he offered you to sit on the opposite side from him.

“Good evening, Doctor, I just want to apologize for being so late on my first day. It’s completely unacceptable, and I pro-“

His soft chuckle cut you off, “No need for apologies, Dr. (Y/L/N). I understand. I am just happy to see you’ve shown up.”

You breathe a sigh of relief and a smile creeps onto your face from his friendliness, “Thank you, Doctor. I extremely appreciate your understanding.”

Fuck, was that too formal? Or robotic sounding?

“Now,” he began to stand up and reach for his chart again, “we can begin evening rounds. I’ll stay with you these first few times, but you’ll get the hang of this quickly. Always ask questions, I’m here to guide you, teach you, not ridicule you. My door is always open, Dr. (Y/L/N).”

He smiles his sweet smile, gesturing you to get up once more and exit his office.

•

Rounds went by smoothly, you and Dr. Cullen had small conversations between patients and you could quickly tell you were going to like him. He was kind, always a gentle man with his patients, and to some extent, with you. He was extremely intelligent, he knew every patient and their ailment like the back of his hand. Medical terminology was a native language to him, you bet he could even draw and label human anatomy by memory, perfectly. Every movement he made was methodical and elegant. You admired him already.

Maybe it was the fact you were alone in this new town, or the weather was throwing you off, but you felt a connection to the doctor. Not in a dramatic, storybook sort of way, but in a “we were supposed to meet, for the better” kind of way. It’s a professional thing. Yeah.

I’m overthinking, it’s late. Don’t dwell.

•