Hello this is my #cancermanifesto should I mention some TV shows I enjoy like Christopher Dorner? Okay watch Last Chance U and The Rap Game also on August 17th I found out that I have breast cancer. First things first β Iβm gonna be fine. The lump I found in my right breast (I found it while I was in Hawaii Β on the 4th of July with Max because I really know how to ruin a vacation!!) was removed on August 22nd, so technically, Iβm currently cancer-free and my tits still look amazing, I know you were very nervous. In fact, they are more even now so I highly recommend breast cancer if you want to be physically perfect.
I also had a couple lymph nodes removed from my right armpit, and thankfully they were clear. The lump that was removed also had clean edges, which is great. Iβm basically the luckiest unlucky person.
My cancer is whatβs known as triple positive β it has estrogen, progesterone, and HER2 receptors. Β This is good for treatment but sounds like Iβm triple dying. The hardest part of the whole thing is still to come β I start a 6-part course of chemo on September 28th. What this means is I will get intravenous chemo 6 times, with 3 weeks between each course. Apparently the effect is cumulative and it gets worse towards the end. After my chemo is done, I will have to intravenously receive Herceptin for a year, every 3 weeks, at the same time as I receive radiation (but the radiation for a much shorter time). After that, I will officially be considered cured and will have to be on an oral medication called Tamoxifen for 10 years, which blocks my estrogen and progesterone receptors. All of this post-surgery treatment is to prevent the cancer from coming back in any other part of my body, including my breasts. Without it, the cancer has about a 26% chance of coming back which is considered high.
Because chemo and Tamoxifen damages lady sperms, I will also be undergoing surgery to get my eggs harvested so that I can have a baby in the future if I want one. β in fact, I just got back from the doctor and I start injecting myself with fertility drugs today. I will also be getting surgery to install a chemo port in my arm for easier drug administering.
I carefully considered whether I would be public about my cancer, and the reasons Iβm telling you all here are the following: 1. Iβm a comedian and I would like to make jokes about my cancer so if we all know I have cancer maybe we can laugh at my jokes quicker. By βweβ I mean βyouβ because I think Iβm hilarious and Iβm already laughing at my jokes. 2. If youβre reading this and you have a lump and you havenβt gone to the doctor, DO IT you may literally save your own life!!! 3. I donβt want you to be weird around me or to wonder if you know β I would rather assume everyone knows and move on. 4. Iβm gonna need help. I hate writing that word and I just erased it 5 times but Iβm very scared about what the treatment is going to do to my body and my mind. I would like to say here that if weβve shared a significant moment together and you like me, please keep me in your thoughts for the next 18 weeks. Hit me up, keep in touch, come watch TV at my house, treat me like a person. And after chemoβs over Iβll just go fuck myself and we donβt have to speak ever again.
There are some questions you might have and Iβve put the most common ones here in hopes that I donβt have to keep answering them over and over
A ductal carcinoma, stage I.
1.8 centimeters, but my body had encased it so the lump I was feeling was like 2 inches.
Are you gonna lose your hair?
I donβt know yet. Iβm hoping that with the use of a cool cap I wonβt lose all of it, but I donβt know. Please donβt ask me about this and treat whatever happens on my head as completely normal unless itβs a bird or I have a wig and my wig is sliding off then plz gently fix me.
Is cancer super-expensive, do you need financial help?
Yes, but luckily I trapped Max into marriage a year and a half ago, and he has that good-ass WGA insurance, so actually the $30,000+ it has cost so far has been mostly covered.
Youβre so nice, thank you for asking. This has been happening super fast and my emotions are all over the place, so Iβm not sure what I need exactly. Hereβs whatβs always appreciated: texts that check up on me, food, offers to visit, treating me without pity but with maybe a lil extra gentleness because Iβm not going to be my best self always in the next 18 weeks.
Also, please donβt tell me cancer stories about people you know. I just emotionally canβt handle it right now. However, if you yourself have gone through this and you wanna reach out, please do. Also, do not send me articles about cancer treatment, holistic or otherwise. I know your heart is in the right place but if you send me an article telling me to drink potato juice or albino baby urine I will fucking hit you in the face.
Also, please give me stage time! I donβt give a fuck how that sounds. Standup has been such a blessing through this whole ordeal, Iβm going to need it to make it through this. Iβm super happy I was on the road both times I got not so good news β LYAO and Out of Bounds. I got to be normal and do what I love the most in the middle of the world crashing down around me. Thank you to everyone who put those fests together, and got me up in Atlanta and Austin, what you did meant more to me than you know. I donβt yet know how I will react to the chemo, but I promise to not cancel unless Iβm physically unable to come. Iβm still going to try and do the last 2 festivals I have left for the year (if I can) so please believe Iβm not gonna stop comedy for cancer.
Ok thank you for reading I know this was so long it was almost as bad as getting cancer. <3
