The meanwhile started at Camden Town Station and ended at Liverpool Street. I remember getting the train to the Stratford Centre, one night at the end of May, and being mystified by how eastward we were heading. When we stumbled through the 9-to-5-workers and the pub goers out of Stratford Station, Annie and I looked at each other and came to the same realisation: “This London doesn’t belong”. It was probably the other way around, but to live there you must think of the city as your creation. This way, instead of being the smallest piece in a matryoshka world, the city expands as much or as far as you want it to. We had four northern stars: the BFI as the great divider of the Thames, the ponds at Hampstead Heath as the edges of summer, Brick Lane as our East End Camden and Bloomsbury as the little blue dot on the map, next to our accommodation.
The meanwhile was also a matter of time, the bit we held and the bit we saw in front of us. Metaphors of waiting rooms and manifestation practices were lost on us; we knew our moment was then, and the only thing we successfully manifested were black americanos and 10-pound lottery tickets to Hamilton. But we were keenly aware that what we did we did for narration, so that some version of us – a version that would’ve conquered the meanwhile and tamed it to the future – could give meaning to our reality. Just like geography, time was ours to morph. That is, ultimately, the meaning of the meanwhile: not a limbo, not a journey and not really an in-between. I was in London and my destination was New York, but my destination was London as well, another city that expanded further than Aldgate and further than the Tate. I despised thinking of Italy, of humid countryside and words that couldn’t express now, and I longed for warm hugs and community. I loved my friends deeply and at the same time couldn’t stand their deep knowledge of me, the fact that I wouldn’t be able to swipe my personality clean and start on a new slate. My magical thinking was only as powerful as my sense of novelty.
gummygunk
kianamaiart
andulkaphoto
