here's the way the world sits to me

“Okay, here we go,” Sam said, holding onto the handle as the two of them leaned over the mirror and looked in. The scene around them of the sidewalk and the festival seemed to shimmer and fade, until a new location took its place. Sam’s mother’s house, his childhood home. Sam looked around, trying to gauge the year or timeframe at least by the ages of his sisters. He spotted his younger sister, a teenager and being told to go upstairs and go to bed by their mother. The tone was one Sam recognized, the kind that booked no argument because something important was going on. 

Everything happened around them as if Sam and Sofia weren’t there. They were just observers in this memory. Sam was still trying to place which memory it was, until he saw himself as a teenager lurking around the corner, listening in on the argument his parents were having. 

“I think they call it ‘ghosting’ now,” Sofia commented quietly. She reached to stack up the nearly empty pizza boxes. Idle hands never suited her for too long. When Iann stopped talking the witch looked up to catch his inquisitive gaze. She had to wonder what was going through his mind or if she was going to like whatever rolled off his tongue next. “Uhm..” she started having to think about that. What a question. “It would be naive to say no. Too wishful, probably. For the most part I do tend to let others do the leaving, I guess.” Sofia was loyal to a fault and she liked it that way. Pain or strife felt better when you didn’t have to carry its burden completely — when you could write it off to a choice you didn’t necessarily make. “Aden..” she said the name somberly and let it hang in the air. “That counts. She counts. I mean, it was awful. I loved her. I never wanted her to leave. I know it was because of me. — But Juliet. I couldn’t ignore all that resurfaced when she showed up. To me, our relationship is worth a casualty or two.” Sofia stood to join Iann. She leaned over the railing looking down, getting a bit dizzy and then finding her friend as a focal point. “Is that horrible?” she asked in earnest.

At the offer of being taken home, Shivonne drunken heart flutter at the kindness, and she pulled a face somewhat a mixture of a smile and a frown, “Aw, thank you. I really need that, I really need that. Otherwise, I might just sleep on this bench”. Shivonne looked down at the cigarette in her hands, and then stubbed it out on the picnic table and put the stub back in the box. “Because you’re-you’re-you’re being such a good friend, imma just not smoke these,” she said, feeling like it was the kindest thing a person could ever do in their entire lives.

“Who’s watching Noel?” Sofia asked, not wanting to pry. She wondered only wondered because was considering taking Von to her place first and fixing some of that tonic and maybe a few other things too. She couldn’t help but chuckle at the other woman’s declaration. “That really means a lot to me,” she said when she was done. The witch had stifled her laugh as much as she could.

Sofia’s smirky grin grew into a purely sentimental expression. Drunk or not she loved listening to mothers talk about their kids. Women, mothers or not, were so amazing to her. Raising a child was such a beautiful responsibility. Sofia thought about all these things a lot and had for more than half a decade now.  “It’s different when you start young. Like anything else. It just *is* what the world is? Ya know?” Sofia talked to distract Von from thinking too much as she helped her too her feet. If she didn’t focus on it maybe she wouldn’t notice her level of inebriation. Sofia assumed it to be pretty great.

Sofia clarifying her idea of jealousy was all completely new to Iann, and he listened, intrigued.  A few years back, he probably would have dismissed any of this conversation, gotten bored.  Emotions ascribed to others, nothing to do with him.  Borderline-uncomfortable at the thought of actually having to deal with and be accountable for the the feelings of other people.  But now, of course, everything had changed.  Melissa changed everything, but Sumner had too.  Iann always had acquaintances, a mish-mash of people who he could refer to and pester and sometimes even rely on.  But he never had this: a living, breathing network.  In truth, it was all his Gemini heart wanted, even as it rejected the notion at the same time.

So now, Iann rolled over all of Sofia’s words, taking it seriously and contextualizing it with Melissa’s words in their argument.  ‘Her needing more somehow meant that I wasn’t enough’ stuck out to him, even though Sofia refuted it after and even justified Juliet’s actions.  Iann could appreciate that, Sofia’s ability to not just see multiple facets, but to accept them.  Seeing was one thing; accepting took a lot more strength and confidence. The second point Sofia made:  ‘I wanted to be right.’

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Planted on the wooden bench, Sofia felt right at home. The night air was becoming brisker with each brush of the breeze. She pulled a slice of pizza from the box and piled vegetables that had tried to escape back on top before folding up the sides to take a bite. Her belly was getting full and her mind was occupied but peaceful. She swallowed a second bite and in that tasty content meant realized Sumner finally felt like home. Maybe more so than ever before. Sitting here with someone who cared to hear her out. Iann trusted her with being invested in perhaps the most precious dynamic a person could foster. No matter how floaty she felt or how the ebb and flow of her thoughts was working — this notion would sit comfortably in the background for the rest of the evening and on to tomorrow morning.

“That’s a real skill, you know,” Sofia commented on Melissa. The more she learned about her from Iann here and now the more she wanted to know. The witch felt as though she had found her people now. There was nothing quite like it.

“You mean you don’t love “‘So, like, what are we?’ texts?” Sofia mimicked a vapid voice she didn’t know. It was odd to try and imagine the Iann she knew acting cruel. She could imagine him being harsh and blunt and hard to deal with. For as much as he protected Melissa now, she had a feeling he was equally hard on himself behind closed doors when nobody could see.  Less of an important thought was how Iann could go years without sex? That sounded like utter hell to her. While Sofia was bad with complete disconnect, she was incredibly skilled with keeping what relationships she wanted light and fun until it was time to part ways.  Moving states made it easier, too.

Sofia uncrossed her legs and sat properly on the bench. Her head tilted, lazily where she smiled at him. Stretching out her neck from a long day hunched over their work, she had to sigh quietly. Even with all their closeness, it was odd to feel so happy under Iann’s (or anyone’s) gaze from above. She’d spent so much of her life hiding herself in all ways, big and small. To let someone see her so completely with no efforts to shield herself, whether they be real or imagined, was something to get used to. 

He looked up.  “But I have you.  And everything is all about me, after all, right?” Iann said with a cocky brightness that didn’t quite diminish the vulnerability in his eyes when he gazed at Sofia.  She turned the topic so gracefully to alcohol and Iann recalled her drink of choice at that bar, when they’d had one particularly tense but ultimately rewarding talk.  Sofia had been so cautious, so private and so discerning.  She still was, but it was different now.  An open cautious, an intimate private.  A discerning that made Iann feel special to be included.

Iann would have taken whatever Sofia had to say in response, but the truth was he hadn’t expected her to…actually give him a response.  A meaty one that Iann could sink his teeth into and chew and ruminate.  He was, quite frankly, shocked.  It wasn’t that Iann wanted to be opaque or mysterious to people, but he had his own way of keeping himself guarded.  Maybe it was that, combined with Sofia’s age, that allowed her to just…grasp the scope of what he was trying to say, without misunderstanding or dismissal.  And christ almighty, was he glad she was comfortable enough with him to take the time and share.

If anything, this was a glimpse of normal - not the boring tedious normal that Iann discarded and loathed - but that normal that Iann had intrinsically craved, a type of normal that was about scenes like this: two pals, pizza, pot, and talk.  That was it.  Anyone’s scene.

The corners of Sofia’s mouth turned up when Iann said he had her, repeating her words from earlier that she figured he had missed for what she meant. “Yes,” she nodded. “You have me. Even when I’m being a weirdo and running away. As for the other thing,…maybe…— it is when I want it to be,” she teased him to let the vulnerability of the moment dissipate some.

When Iann looked to her with seemingly bated breath, clearly here in the moment but not quite following she elaborated. “People always say jealousy grows from distrust in your partner. I’m just saying I don’t think that’s always true. I never felt like I was being lied to. I never felt unloved. I felt the other things: the judgements you make on yourself that sit with you. Her needing more somehow meant that I wasn’t enough. — But that’s not it. I get that now, that you can love two people, be in love with them completely and keep it separate. And she wasn’t even doing that. She was mostly fucking as a perk of feeding. I was being a baby. I was being jealous and selfish and not looking at the picture from other available angles. Probably because I didn’t want to. I wanted to be right.”

The Origin is unknown, But appeares in the 16th century in The Three Books of Occult Philosophy by Cornelius Agrippa

Also called “The Witches Alphabet”

Agrippa states that an 13thcentury Italian magician attributes the alphabet to Honorius (  Western Roman Emperor )

Used today by Pagans, Witches, And Wiccans to write spells and other texts (Like Talismans)

And yet it took Iann a moment before he grabbed onto Sofia’s innuendo.  Did she actually say what he thought she’d said?  Was that a terrible, lowbrow joke?  From her?! He stared at her incredulously for a moment before bursting into laughter.  “Fuck off, Gwen!” Iann yelled happily, before he caught himself, realized he’d messed up.  Iann blinked rapidly for a moment and then guffawed, smacking his forehead and rolling his eyes.  “Prof.  I mean. Sof.  Sofia.  Ayyyy dios this is hitting me fucking harder than I thought it would.  I’m like a teenager sucking down my first fucking peach cooler.”

Iann nodded, happy to be chided by her about his choice of plant-person.  There were a few people who Iann allowed to reprimand him:  Melissa of course.  And Sofia, and Otto Leitner.  Maybe a couple others, but them first and foremost.   He trusted them with knowing him, knowing they weren’t out to ridicule him.  Well, perhaps Otto was sometimes, but Iann could handle that.  “Okay okay.  Floros resources only.  You two do have the best know-how and products in town, I can tell my customers that honestly now, having tried everyone else.  See?  I just spun it for the better for us all.”

He paused and looked over at Sofia when she cracked her little joke about female folk singers, and Iann didn’t say anything for a moment.  He finished up his slice, washing it down with some wine.  “Melissa and I had an argument the other day,” he said suddenly.  “Nothing bad, I mean.  Nothing we do is bad.  But she’s…she -” Iann tried to think of how to explain it without sounding negative, like he was complaining.  So he turned it on himself.  “She told me it made her uncomfortable, how much I flirt with other people.  Which is true, I mean - I do.  I just flirt by habit, because it’s fun and it gets me things I want, but.  It distresses her, so.  I told her I’d try and put a stop to it.”  

Iann realized that while he was rambling, he hadn’t explained how he’d jumped from Sofia’s off-the-cuff light-heartedness to a topic considerably more serious.  “Sometimes I think it might be good for her to flirt a little too, hm?  Just harmless stuff.  With someone she trusts…but.”  Iann tipped his head and shrugged.  “On the other hand, maybe I’m just thinking selfishly again.”

“Peach coolers! Ahhh. Those were what was up. Those were my fucking fave — until I manned up and found my true love. Tequila. — Wouldn’t mix very well with this bud though. I have another one for that.” It was sweet how Iann responded to her worry. He able to placate it so simply when he had no requirement whatsoever to do so. Even if he didn’t keep his word — they were on their way to pretty fucked up, after all — Sofia would remember this particular instance in the night fondly. An odd one to cherry pick, and important to her nonetheless. “I swear you can spin anything. I think that’s why we get along.” Sofia could do the same, but she often chose not to. That, and her methods and motivations for retelling were usually not exactly aligned.

When the silence between she an Iann seemed to rest for too long Sofia lightly began to backtrack from her joke. Her stuttering was soft like tiny coughs and her brow scrunched slightly with worry. Of course she knew Iann well enough to know how evolved he was and that no sexuality could be used as an insult. Maybe she had taken it too far though, when she brought Melissa into it. “Iann..I..” But he started speaking over her and she was grateful for that. So damn grateful.

The witch was silent now. She could have added prompting questions in between and with someone else she might have. She and Iann seemed to have an understanding though that all they would share was everything they wanted to in that moment. This had developed over time, blossoming into something Sofia appreciated so much she couldn’t put it into words. They were both the sort of people to get sidetracked when a conversation got too close to the heart. Letting each other talk until they were done was the best way to prove attentiveness and loyalty to the other’s struggle or sharing.

He lit and inhaled, and despite how surprisingly smooth it was, Iann still coughed once, then grinned, trying to hold the rest of the smoke in.  “Jesus,” he said, then after a few seconds, released it all in a rush.  “I’m a newb all over again.”

Iann handed it back, slumping a bit and sprawling his legs out in front of him, using his toe to push the swing gently back and forth.  “Look, I like doing everything the hard way!” Iann protested, in an easy joking way.  “Autobahn’s a dick but I can handle him.  Besides,” Iann looked over at Sofia with his eyebrow raised,  “You were gone for a while, hm?  Not trying to make you feel bad, but you know, you left me in a lurch, I cried for days, no big deal.”

Iann was ready for a second go, and this time it was much easier.  He held the smoke in, sighing it out before grabbing for some pizza.  “Sam Floros is a smartass and crabby and too clever for his own good.  I like him. I don’t know why I never realized you two were related.  You’re just….you.  And he’s him.  I don’t know,” Iann laughed, feeling himself relax a bit more, his brain feeling like a gentle blanket pressing down on it.  

“Melissa’s got a great voice.  And she writes her own songs.  They’re all about me,” Iann boasted, something he wouldn’t have done if he wasn’t high, or if it wasn’t Sofia.  “She has a voice like a folk singer, hm?  Like…like Judy Collins.”

“Tell me if you like this stuff. I’m still..uhm..adjusting. Cultivating. Whatever you want to call it, that’s what I’m doing.” She took a drink from the wine glass. The glass ticked against the table as she set it down and then she took the bong back. Suddenly smoke puffed out of Sofia in an ungraceful and entirely untimely fashion. She couldn’t hold back her stunted laugh. “You handle a lot of those?” It was so stupid and yet, she couldn’t stop herself. Sofia didn’t change much when she was high. She lost her filter in varying degrees was all. The first one was already gone — it censored those horrible innuendoes the Scorpio in her often conjured out of thin air.

One would think it would be difficult to pout and chew a bite of hot pizza in tandem. It would appear that Professor Floros was an expert. “You already said you basically didn’t notice.” She rolled her eyes before the words came out, having to wait to swallow to say them. “Juliet’s right to be annoyed by you. You are annoying. — But forreal.” She touched his leg emphatically “Iann, I would feel a lot better if you went to me or to Sam instead.” Sofia took another hit — smaller this time. She didn’t need Iann sneaking up on her again with his stupid words and talking.

“Folk. I love folk. She’s pretty like a folk singer too.” Sofia got a twinkle in her eye then. She peered at Iann from the side, little smirk appearing and taking over her face before she added, “But aren’t all the best female ones gay?” Her laugh was quiet then. Short and sweet. Like a happy whisper.

He took another sip of his iced coffee while she looked it over and asked all her questions. “It didn’t come with instructions, but the guy said whoever’s holding it gets their memory,” he said with a shrug. When she said she was nervous about what her own memory might show, Sam took the mirror back. 

“One way,” she parroted back at him with teasingly narrow eyes. She was tempted to put the mirror down. She didn’t. “If that’s any indication..” Sofia spoke more seriously now. “Oh..okay..” and then Sofia didn’t hesitate when Sam reached for his purchase. Her fingers unwrapped from the stem and she went back to the safety of her large coffee.

“Yes, Sam. I would like to come with you. Thanks for asking.” She enunciated every word to get her desired mocking cadence. It was all for show. They both knew that neither would get left behind regardless of what ill advised thing they might be doing.