Frog Matriarch

So it’s after a partay at like 3 in the morning and, as you do, I’ve gotten fuuuuucked up on weed and booze and all that and consequently am x-tremely hungies. 

Only, I, like, go to college in the middle of nowhere so there’s nowhere to get food, and even if there, was, I’m the type ff person that’s so consistently broke it is pretty much my main personality trait.

Masochistically I stop at my school’s dining hall on my way back to my dorm to get me some juice (they leave the machine unlocked god bless ‘em)  and to fantasize about breaking into the kitchen. Suddenly, across the room, I spot my saving grace

They’ve left the compost bins out.... and brimming with half-eaten food. As fate my have it, there’s a single untainted hamburger bun lying oh-so-gracefully atop the pile. 

I eat that bun like Guy Fieri times ten and it is delicious. Just as I’m about to fish around for some other tasty delicacies someone walks in. So instead, I suspiciously dart away from the compost like a rabid raccoon and that’s that.

I think I fall asleep under my bed that night, in my coat. Like I said, I was fuuuuuucked up so cut me some slack.

As I am confident this one trip up won’t be enough to shatter my carefully crafted public persona, I tell everyone who will listen about how I so daringly ate trash.  Except I lie and say it was a bagel bun because I think that’s less embarrassing cuz the hamburger bun had stuff in it like old crusty meat I had to eat around (don’t tell anyone).