The soccer slave

I'm fed up with signing onto the BBC website each week and seeing that face. That boring, annoying face that could only belong to Mark Lawrenson, sitting just below the usual 'Lawro's Predictions' title that, for some reason I still read week in week out.

I have no idea why though. He only picks from around 4 different possible scores. 0-0, 1-0, 1-1 and 2-0. You radical, radical man Lawro. You must've been wild as a young boy.

I'm fed up with getting more servings of crap than a girl in a German porno, so I'm taking it upon myself to provide my own opinions, they're the only ones I care about. I'll do it every week, and If I beat that Lawro prick, then I'll die a happy man.

Tottenham V Man City 12.45- The first match of the Premiership season, and what a prospect. Potentially these two could decide who gets fourth spot this season, so this match could be tighter than Jamie Redknapp's grey suit. City of course have strengthened over the summer, bringing in the likes of David Silva, Jerome Boateng and Yaya Toure and now Mario Balotelli. Spurs have not had that luxury but Redknapp has built a very impressive team at Spurs. I'm going to put my neck on the line and suggest a 2-2 draw here. Both teams have goals in them, and will be pushing for the win, but I can't separate them.

Blackpool V Wigan 3.00- Newly promoted Blackpool have a real chance of making a mark on the Premier League today. Wigan have been hotly tipped by many to suffer relegation this season. They don't score many, and they love to concede. However they do have an uncanny ability to turn up once or twice throughout the season. Blackpool are not in the Premier League through luck. They deserve to be here, work hard, and can score goals. I'm tipping a momentous 3-1 win for Holloway's men.

Aston Villa V West Ham- 3.00- This could be an interesting one. Villa are notorious for starting the their season's well, and it's not normally until christmas time that you see them collapse. However they'll be in disarray after the departure of Martin O'Neill, and without James Milner, they'll be even more likely to struggle. They play alot of their football through him, and without him there, they might be lost for ideas. West Ham have a great manager in Avram Grant, and have bought in some exciting players, inclding the Mexican Barrera. I think they'll have a good season this season, and see them scraping this one 3-2.

Blackburn V Everton 3.00- Blackburn were resilient at home last season, and I'd expect nothing else under Sam Allardyce. However they do seem to struggle for goals and that's no doubt a problem they hope to solve with the signing of Mame Biram Diouf on loan from United. Everton, for once have no real injury concerns however. Arteta, Cahill and Jagielka are fit, and Jermaine Beckford has looked sharp during pre season. Everton to win 3-1.

Bolton V Fulham 3.00- Bolton, Like Blackburn have trouble scoring goals, especially if Kevin Davies isn't on form. On the flipside, Fulham have lost their influencial manager Roy Hodgson and it'll be interesting to see how they bounce back. I expect Bobby Zamora to maintain his good form, after looking lively for England on Wednesday night, and Gera is always getting in and around the goals. It won't be a great match, but I expect 1-1 will be a scoreline that both sides will take.

Chelsea V West Brom 3.00- The Premier League Champions start the season at home to newly promoted West Brom and there's only one result I can see here. West Brom have always tried to play attractive football, and do pose a threat on goal, but I don't see them getting anything here. Chelsea have home advantage, and their defence has been awful over the past 5 games. They'll want to hit back with a solid win, and I expect a few goals here. They will concede, but they'll put plenty past West Brom. 5-2 to Chelsea.

Sunderland V Birmingham 3.00- Birmingham finished in 9th last season, and were very impressive in defence. They've lost Joe Hart, but got a great shot stopper in Ben Foster, and I think he'll thrive this season with regular football. Sunderland are much like Wigan, and you never know which team's going to turn up. But i think Steve Bruce will have them fired up for today. Sunderland to scrape it 1-0.

Wolves V Stoke 3.00- Wolves did well to stay up last season, but I don't really believe they have strengthened much over the summer, and could struggle. Stoke are a great, solid team thanks to that man in the cap, but there's always that 0-0 game at the end of Match of the day we never bother to watch, and I fear this is it.

Liverpool V Arsenal Sunday 4.00- This is a huge match!, but I can't help but feel it'll be a disappointment. It's early in the season, and both sides will be playing not to lose, rather than playing to win. It'll be tense, but Liverpool will struggle not having Torres firing them in like they're used to, and Arsenal will be impressive as usual, but being away from home will make it tough. There's goals in it, but not many. 1-1.

Who doesn't love looking at Jamie Redknapp's fantasy football team each season, and knowing full well that he most probably hasnt even chosen it himself, but loving the idea of picking your own and thinking that yours is no doubt the best. Well I think the same, and mine's most definitely the best...got beef? then make your own and prove me wrong.I've gone for a 3-5-2, because I can.

Goalkeeper- Heurelho Gomez- The Brazilian was absolutely unbelieveable last season, and for me, was the most exciting goalkeeper to watch by far. Of course exciting saves are no substitution for clean sheets in fantasy football, but I'm backing this guy to have a top season this year. He'll pull out some fantastic saves and has a great defence infront of him.

Defence- Patrice Evra- The United fullback is always on form. I've rarely seen him put a put wrong in the last few seasons, and despite this coming from a biased United fan, few could argue with me there. He loves to get forward, and is a good bet to grab the odd assist. Many will wonder why I havent chosen Ashley Cole. Good question. It's because I'm certain Chelsea will concede more goals than United this season, therefore, less points for Cashley.

Gareth Bale- This won't come as a surprise to many. He has an outstanding second half to the last campaign, and I'm sure he'll continue that coming into this season. He's scored during pre season too, and looks to have found the best form of his life.

Glen Johnson- Yes, weird back 3 I know. But full-backs are all over the points system in fantasy football. It's a fact, so deal with it. We all know what Johnson's about. He scores the odd goal and picks up a lot of assists, so he's likely to get in the points this season. He's risky, given the amount of cards he can pick up, as is Patrice Evra for that matter,  but the pro's should outweigh the con's.

Midfield- Milan Jovanovic- From what I saw from this guy in the World Cup, he was outstanding, and impressed me alot. He got in and around goal, is great on the ball, and has an eye for goal. I see him playing a big part for Liverpool this season.

Joe Cole- Yet another Liverpool player. I never thought I'd end up with 3 in one of my teams. But this guy has always been a class act, and given some match time, should thrive for those deerty scoursers. He looked great in the Europa league qualifiers, and should continue that.

Antonio Valencia- The United winger had a brilliant season last season, and looks to have kept his sharpness upto scratch over the summer. He scored United's first in their Community Shield win against Chelsea, and is in line to pick up some serious assistage.

Zoltan Gera- The fulham midfielder was fantastic last season, and I was surprised to see how many goals he picked up. He loves getting involved, and is a vital part of the Fulham team, as well as being a consisten performer, which is why I choose him over the likes of Gerrard and Lampard, who have a habit of going quiet things things turn ugly.

Adam Johnson- Sure, I could've picked the stupidly expensive David Silva, but I Dont personally see him having a great season. I see him beign bullied off the ball easily, and not being given enough space to work his magic. Johnson however has shown he can do just that. He gets goals and assists, and is a joy to watch.

Forwards- Wayne Rooney- Obvious choice I know, but who wouldn't pick him? Even if he's not playing well, he plays every match an so will pick up points anyway. He gets assists and is a star player. He's always a great bet to rack up the points, as he's shown over the last few seasons.

Javier Hernandez- Alright, so I've got two United forwards, I'm biased, big woop, wanna fight about it? But I honestly think this is a great choice. Those of you who aren't United fans have no argument judging on his performances so far. He scored in each one of his pre season games, and then set himself up to score a fantastic header against Chelsea last week. He's quick, tough to handle, and knows where the net is. He'll hit the 20 mark this season.

Breaking news!...If you have a job then you may not have heard yet, but I'm unemployed and live my life through Sky Sports news. Martin O'Neill has resigned as Aston Villa manager in a move that has no doubt shocked many in the football world.

Sure, there was plenty of talk about him potentially leaving towards the end of last season, but only a week away from the new campaign, and having managed the side through pre-season, who cold have seen this happening?!

Early reports suggest he's left because of a disagreement with the club's transfer policy, and unhappiness at James Milner's potential transfer. Whilst It's unclear as to what's going on, all I can say is, if there was something the club could have done to keep him, then they've rele messed up this time.

Finally Aston Villa land a manager with some serious credibility, and keep him there for a number of years. Villa were starting to look like a solid club with real stability and a club that was on the verge of breaking into Champions League football.

Who knows what'll happen now. I personally see them having at least two new managers this season. Although thats just my worthless opinion, so no doubt you'll disagree.

Any football fan out there knows how much they'd give to be able to turn out for their country in a football shirt. That's why it's so frustrating to see professional players spit at the opportunity when it comes along.

That's exactly what goalkeeper Paul Robinson has done this morning. After being selected alongside Ben Foster and Joe Hart in Capello's 23-man squad to play Hungary on Wednesday, Robinson has now turned around and decided to retire from international football.

He remarked "Only now have I been able to make this decision as previously I haven't been in contention for selection,"

Oh, so, you probably already knew that you were going to retire, but you wanted to wait till you were picked again so you could fire a parting shot at the FA and England set up. You knew you'd get less coverage if you just retired at a random point when you weren't picked, but really all you've done is just shown that you're no more than a petulant child, throwing his toys out of the pram.

He went on to say "I don't see myself as a number three or four keeper and find that role very frustrating."

Well Paul, I've got some shocking news for you. You're not as good as you think. Sure you may be a great shot stopper, but I've never seen a keeper make more dramatic, and pointless saves for the cameras as you do. And there's certainly other keepers out there that deserve a place in the England team before you, Joe Hart certainly being one.

You have no real reason to retire from international football, being only 30 you have plenty of years ahead of you, but instead you decide to throw a tantrum and declare yourself out because you're not a team player.

Trying taking young Joe Hart as an example. He's sat on the bench for a long time throughout his career, but he waited for his chance, and when it came at Birmingham, he took it and impressed. He was picked in a SQUAD of players to go to the World Cup, and should without a doubt have been picked as first choice. he wasnt, but did he complain? no, because he was happy to be picked at all, as should you be.

It should be an honour to be picked for your country, let along play, and whilst it's never nice to be sitting on the bench, when it comes to England, it's not like you'd be sitting on the bench every week. These games only come round once in a while, and if you prove yourself, you'll be picked. Full stop.

So Capello announced his 23 man squad to play Hungary earlier tonight, and as we all suspected, it included a number of younger players as well as experienced individuals.

Regardless of what Capello thinks, we all know that we love our own opinions on who to pick, and we all think we could pick a much better side than someone who resembles a cross between the dog from the Churchill advert and your Aunt Mildred in a suit. 

here's who I'd pick for my starting XI against Hungary. Dont like it? Piss off...

GK- Ben Foster

RB- Wes Brown

CB- Gary Cahill

CB- Michael Dawson

LB- Kieran Gibbs

MR- James Milner

ML- Adam Johnson

MC- Frank Lampard

AM- Jack Wilshere

AM- Wayne Rooney

ST- Bobby Zamora

So let me briefly explain my choice whilst I hear you mutter 'Lampard LAMPARD?! YOUR NOT THINKING ABOUT THE BIGGER PICTURE!' or whatever pointless opinion you may be coming out with...

We all know about Paul Robinson in goal, we don't need to see him again, and we all know that Joe Hart's perfectly capable of performing well in an England shirt. However the jury's still out on Ben Foster, and I'd like to see more of him.

Wes Brown hasn't had the best of times in recent seasons, and deserves the chance to prove himself for England now that the RB spot is up for grabs. Both Cahill and Dawson impressed last season and I'm fed up with seeing terry and Ferdinand, so there... and who wouldn't pick Kieran Gibbs in this friendly? He should be given 90 minutes, but no doubt Ashley Cole will be given 45 minutes. Prick.

Milner is a bleeder, and I have no idea what I mean by that. But he gives everything for the team, and I thought he had a fairly good World Cup despite his poor performance against the USA. Wilshere, like Gibbs HAS to be given 90 minutes to prove himself worthy of a step into the first team, and what's the point of playing Gerrard and Barry? We know exactly what they're about!

Rooney shouldn't start up front, but he should have a role to play. He looked awful in the World Cup, but part of that was due to the lack of service he recieved up front. He hates not being involved in the play, and an AM role would suit him perfectly. He has some making up to do for England fans, and should be given te chance to do so on Wednesday.

Everyone knows and no doubt accepts the fact that summer tournaments are likely to take that edge of the start of the Premier League season. Players involved are going to be sluggish, tired, mentally drained, you name it they've got it.

That's all fine, but the moment you turn around and claim that it's having a particularly adverse affect on your team, you're just opening yourself up to abuse from all sides. Sir Alex Ferguson doesnt really need any more reasons for people to hate him, yet this morning he's claimed exactly that.

Fergie has claimed that United's title bid could be harmed at the beginning of the season because players such as Rooney, Evra and Vidic are tired after the World Cup. No doubt they are. But none of those players got past the last 16 of the competition. What about the players that did?

Let's look at United's closest title rivals, Chelsea. Lampard, Terry and both Cole's were involved for England in the last 16, so will they not also be just as tired? Anelka had a pretty devastating World Cup, and will no doubt be hurting after his shock exit. And what about Carvalho, and Alex? Already Chelsea have just as much cause and reason to complain as Sir Alex. And technically, if Chelsea are just as disadvatanged, then that would suggest to me that United's title challenge isn't really being affected, because their rivals have also been affected. Level playing field much?

What about Arsenal? Robin Van Persie made it all the way to the final, as did Cesc Fabregas. And sure they may have had less players involved in the latter stages of the tournament, but when you consider that half Wenger's side is French, then I can only think that his side came back from the tournament more confused and pissed off than any other side.

Finally Liverpool. Reina was involved all the way to the final. He may not have played, but he was out there, training everyday. Johnson and Carragher, Joe Cole and Gerrard were involved for England, and so just as disadvantaged as the likes of Rooney, Lampard and Terry. Maxi Rodriguez was away with Argentina until the quarters, and then you've got Torres and Kuyt and Babel who all stayed till the final for their respective teams.

So a few days ago I added a genius celebration from the Icelandic football league that I thought could never be bettered.