pisiderman

a little wondermagic for today c:

Dick, who's filling in for Bruce as Batman: I'll call him

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Hal: you've gained some muscles

Jason, dressed as Nightwing: I started working out

Hal: Damn. What's the routine cause I just saw you last week and you look completely different.

Jason: steroids

Dick, as batman: *chokes on coffee*

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Superman: We might need someone who's good with guns, hm... Hey Nightwing you're in contact with redhood, right? Could you have him come?

Jason, as Nightwing: ... I don't see why not

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Wonder woman: this security is an issue we need someone who can hack this system long enough for us to get pass

Superman: hey hood, any chance you can give red robin a call?

Tim, with 5 inches of padding, as redhood: on it

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Hal: isn't robin usually with you all?

Flash: yeah we could use him with this one

Superman: Red Robin, would you call in Robin for us?

unfortunately, Damian is also the youngest brother and is, in essence, a little fucking shit. so a couple months later when Red Robin has to meet up with Batman, Nightwing, and Robin to discuss the ring of illegal organ harvesters that Robin and Nightwing have just infiltrated, Damian hands over a gift bag with a clearly bitten-back grin and falsely-innocent expression.

Tim opens the back and genuinely bluescreens.

“I- I uh,” Damian chokes back a giggle. “I heard you needed one of these.”

Tim’s face is so uncomprehending that Dick snatches the bag away and moves to open it, complaining about how Damian had made them stop at a craft store on the way over to buy the bag and he still doesn’t fucking know why-

he looks in the bag and screams.

“WHY DID YOU TAKE- WHAT EVEN IS THAT?”

Tim stares forward blankly, in pure awe at the levels of comedy his little brother is bringing to the table. “It’s a spleen. He’s given me a spleen.”

Damian collapses into a fit of laughter to the point of crying while Dick, horrified, tries not to throw up over the mangled rotting organ Damian had stolen from the illegal-transplant ring. he doesn’t stop laughing for the better part of an hour and Bruce has to talk to Damian about the dangers of messing with case evidence, especially when that evidence is actual human remains.

he figures out he's gonna Keep Coming Back no matter what when Alfred asks him to help clean the roof and while alone scrubbing out gutters he fucks up and falls off the ladder; completely snaps his neck.

he wakes up like twenty minutes later all healed and instead of freaking out, he decides that he's been through so much shit and his life is already so goddamn weird that honestly? so what if he can't die.

still concerns the fuck out of the rest of the family when jason wanders in a few hours later rubbing out the crick in his neck and when bruce asks how the roof went he goes "yeah, gutters clean. also i think i fixed death?"

"...jason what could that possibly mean." dick asks from across the room. jason shrugs.

"I dunno. fixed it."

he continues to make vague-ass uncaring comments that baffle the fuck out of everybody for the next few weeks, and they don't figure out what the hell he's talking about until one patrol they get into one of those tricky 'locked in a room and have to pick one of you to die' situations and jason just whistles, goes "man this would suck if i hadn't already fixed death," and then proceeds to shoot himself in the face in front of all the horrified bats.

he wakes up fifteen minutes later to bruce and dick having a shared panic attack on the floor, tim desperately trying to calm them down, and damian standing over him looking supremely disappointed as he goes "fucking 'fixed death' todd?? that's the only way you could think of phrasing it? i thought your special interest was fucking literacy."

he figures out he's gonna Keep Coming Back no matter what when Alfred asks him to help clean the roof and while alone scrubbing out gutters he fucks up and falls off the ladder; completely snaps his neck.

he wakes up like twenty minutes later all healed and instead of freaking out, he decides that he's been through so much shit and his life is already so goddamn weird that honestly? so what if he can't die.

still concerns the fuck out of the rest of the family when jason wanders in a few hours later rubbing out the crick in his neck and when bruce asks how the roof went he goes "yeah, gutters clean. also i think i fixed death?"

"...jason what could that possibly mean." dick asks from across the room. jason shrugs.

"I dunno. fixed it."

he continues to make vague-ass uncaring comments that baffle the fuck out of everybody for the next few weeks, and they don't figure out what the hell he's talking about until one patrol they get into one of those tricky 'locked in a room and have to pick one of you to die' situations and jason just whistles, goes "man this would suck if i hadn't already fixed death," and then proceeds to shoot himself in the face in front of all the horrified bats.

he wakes up fifteen minutes later to bruce and dick having a shared panic attack on the floor, tim desperately trying to calm them down, and damian standing over him looking supremely disappointed as he goes "fucking 'fixed death' todd?? that's the only way you could think of phrasing it? i thought your special interest was fucking literacy."

Have you guys seen that clip