peri windsor

A breath of a moan pulled from him at the feeling of her nails and her sigh, his grip around her legs tightened. Nick was far too willing to lose himself in her, piteously so, to give her everything he could, what was left of him, until reality set in and came with it, a long list of fears — for both of them. It was strange, having her, while knowing he didn't really have her... and never would again. He was breathless as he broke away, just enough to lean back and speak, his eyes straying from her lips to meet her eyes, searching for the familiarity in them. Almost like he was reminding himself this was her, actually her, not someone else he'd brought back to his place as a distraction, only to imagine they were Peri the entire time, nauseous with guilt. "How long do we have?" He whispered into the quiet apartment, not ready to hear the answer. "When do you have to be home?"

peri couldn't help it, the sound coming from him accompanied by the tightening of his hold enough to almost have her whining in response. something between a sigh and a laugh blended in her throat and got caught in her teeth as she couldn't help the sad smile that ornamented her quickly swelling lips. the blonde's breaths were even heavier than before, weighted with knowing each one brought them a moment closer to having to separate again, time passing with each inhale and exhale, a ticking clock she was trying to drown out the sound of. how long did they have ?? a weighted question for sure, one that had the blonde drawing her lip between her teeth and putting enough pressure on it that it stung. ❛ i don't know, ❜ peri replied, knowing if she put a time limit on any of it she'd be filled with a deeper sense of dread than she already was.

per leaned forward to brush the tip of her nose against his, knowing for a fact it was cool to the touch. despite the fact every part of her felt like it was melting, peri knew there was no warmth to her skin; and sometimes she wondered why nick wanted to even touch her. if he knew who she was, what she was... would he still want this ?? would he have given up sooner ?? it was almost tempting to show him; to peel back the final layer he had yet to invade and see if the wounds that lied beneath the surface festered the way she feared they would. it was too scary, it was too frightening — if she was going to have nick, even if it was this one last time, she didn't want it to end with him looking at her like she was something to be feared. ❛ i don't have to be home, ❜ she finally answered, realizing she had taken too long a pause, too invested in her own thoughts and the flirting of the idea of tearing down that final wall. she couldn't bring herself to do it, but the thought was tempting.

The grip of another pair of hands stopped the fairy from completely falling on her ass. A breath of relief brushed past her lips before it was completely stolen away. As Zarina turned to thank her mysterious savior, any solace on her features was immediately replaced with a stupefied scorn. "Get off of me!" Her arms moved on instinct, pushing the familiar, unwanted blonde off of her harder than needed. The action sent Zarina falling backward into the fresh powder of snow, which only raised her irritation further. "You— ugh! Don't think that I ever, ever need help in any capacity from you, Talia," she seethed.

peri's face fell at the stranger's sudden change in tone, hands drawing back and flying up to resemble that of surrender as confusion interwove itself on her features. ❛ woah — sorry, i was... i was just trying to help.... ❜ peri stammered, unsure of what the hell the other woman was going on about but taking it incredibly personally that she had shoved her. what gives ??

then she called her talia, and all the pieces fell into place.

It wasn't that he didn't trust her. The irony of it, Peri had one of the warmest hearts he'd come across, and he should know that she wouldn't judge him. But he'd thought others had good intentions before, and he'd been proven wrong time and time again. And they were shifters. If he was hated so deeply by his own kind, feared by those that should understand him more than anyone else, what would a human think? Even if Peri accepted him as he was, which seemed impossible with his bias, if she didn't look at him with revolt, he would be a danger to her. If, when others found out, she would be at the center of questioning as well. It wasn't like it was a secret he could keep for the rest of his life. But he wouldn't allow himself to recall all of those reasons right now. All he wanted to dwell on was her freezing hands.

Taking the height problem into his own hands, literally, Nick didn't dare break the kiss as he swept her off of her feet, lifting her legs around his waist. All he had wanted for so long was in his grasp, and he would hold her there for as long as she would let him, until his arms ached. He refused to come up for oxygen, tugging her lip gently between his teeth, afraid that if he gave her even half a second to think this over, she would come to her senses, change her mind, and he wasn't ready to let her go again. Not tonight. He couldn't.

it was so hard to control her emotions around nick, which made it incredibly difficult to control her talents in turn. peri liked to think that she had kept a solid grasp on them, given as they had lied primarily dormant for the better half of her life. it was hard to fight the habitual instinct to cool herself down when blood pooled in her cheeks, pull back to flush from her face by combatting it with frost. around nick, she couldn't do that, so whenever peri felt like she was melting she ravished in it. warmth brought memories, however, memories brought pain. it was very peri-like to consider a moment still happening to be a memory in the making before it officially became one, but with nick, there was no telling when the timer would go off. when the sands in the hourglass would stop falling. it was hard to get lost in the moment when you were so fucking scared of it ending.

laughing into his mouth, peri responded in kind to his movements as her legs hooked around his waist, ankles locking as she molded herself into the familiar strength of his arms. a searing heat shot through her, pooling in her abdomen, swelling in her chest and staining her cheeks a dark scarlet — peri was burning so hot she thought she'd melt. the more he fed into it, the more feral she seemed to become, nails gently raking the back of his head as a small sigh of appreciation drifted from her lips as he drew the lower one between his teeth. peri smiled at the gesture, the feeling of him tugging on her lip making her head, heart, and stomach spin in violently fast circles that resulted in a mix of anticipation and impending doom. peri needed him in a way she didn't even understand, in a way that felt almost manic, and it didn't help that he had picked her up like she weighed nothing and was kissing her with a desire that mirrored her own.

Her words were both comforting and devastating, the way she whispered it, their little secret. If not in this life, then the next one. He liked to imagine it, a lifetime where they'd made it work. A lifetime in which he hadn't been cursed from the moment he was born, or at least brought up in a world that did not hate so strongly for what he was, a world where he didn't have to watch his back and she didn't have to worry about him keeping secrets from her every night when they settled into bed. Somewhere they could exist as they were, together, and weren't doomed from the very first word. He liked to imagine it was this one, if only for tonight.

He didn't respond, there was nothing else to say. It had all been said — and ignored. Time and time again, it seemed. And a part of him hoped it would continue, that they would be stuck in this endless loop of not being able to move on, this cycle of hellos and goodbyes, because otherwise he would lose her. They couldn't be friends. But how was he supposed to accept being nothing? Deepening the kiss, he did what he was best at and pushed all of those feelings down, focusing instead of the feeling of her against him and pretending it wouldn't all be over as quickly as it started.

if she hadn't been leaning in to kiss him, peri would be driving herself mad with his silence. nick's words hadn't fully sank in, neither had her responses to them, and it was hard to focus on the way her mind was spiraling when his mouth met hers with the same eagerness she presented it with. sighing into the embrace like she could breathe for the first time, peri melted into his touch ( a sensation she only seemed to enjoy when it was because of nick ), straining to meet his lips and wrapping her arms around his neck, she grasped at her elbows to try and keep her hold from slipping.

peri wasn't a leader, she wasn't a decision maker, she wasn't the head of the charge or the kind of person who was going to change the world with her own two hands... and she had forced herself to be okay with that. at the end of the day, all peri wanted was her longing to be accepted, to be seen, to have finally been worth something. all those days she spent wondering why she had been the one sent to evermore. twenty plus years spent doubting herself, doubting her talents, doubting her purpose; she didn't want them to have all been for nothing. she wanted them to mean something, and peri knew that deep down, nick wilde made them mean something. he made her feel like she meant something. she wasn't ready to let go of that. not yet. not ever.

And now here they were, a shattered example of what happened when he tried; he was nothing more than an overly rambunctious child, staring at a broken vase on the floor, trying to figure out how he had broken something more fragile than he'd even been capable of understanding. He continued to wipe away her tears, fighting the urge to kiss her until she forgot that she was sad, that this was an ending rather than the beginning he would do anything for. If he could go back... if only he could go back and do it all over again.

"What if I don't?" The words were coming out before he could stop them, before he could bite his tongue and save a little dignity. Maybe it was too late for dignity. Maybe it was too late for everything. His gaze flickered over her face, from her eyes to her lips and back to her eyes again, voicing a fear that he felt deep within his soul. "What if it's always you?" If time was supposed to heal, it was doing a terrible job at it. Nick wasn't known for his patience, but by now, surely it should be easier. By now it shouldn't cut so deeply to imagine them both with someone else, no matter how far apart they were. He could blame the secrets all he wanted but even with less of them, even with his next relationship where they had shared more honesty because she hadn't been human either, because she had told him first, it still fell apart. With Nick, he knew, it was always going to fall apart. And with Peri... "What if it's always gonna be you?"

there was something going on behind his eyes that the blonde couldn't quite place, and it was clear nick was having one of those moments when he just... went somewhere. peri had pried in the past, pleaded for him to open the door he kept sealed shut and let her in. peri of all people was the last to cast judgement upon anyone... the girl had been rejected from the moment she was literally born. sent here, to evermore, when every other fairy got to experience the magic and the wonder of pixie hollow and didn't spend their entire life not knowing who they were, what they were, and hiding away from the very people who would make a display of them if they caught wind of what they were capable of. what SHE was capable of. trembling palms found his face, thumbs smoothing over the surface of the stubble on his jaw, stopping just at the edge of his lips before the digits moved outwards again. back and forth, like windshield wipers, clearing up the debris that made it hard to look ahead.

he was wiping her tears, she was holding his face, it was all so sad. their relationship hadn't been anything like this, and when it had been, it was only glimpses into the puddles of darkness they mindlessly jumped over. those very puddles didn't even hold a candle to the oceans they'd be forced to cross once they finally called it quits. their relationship came easy at first, almost mindlessly, insta-love at its very literal definition. the blonde had been head over heels from the moment they met, and even now, she couldn't look at him for too long without a fluttering sensation making her stomach feel like it was infested with winged-insects. sometimes butterflies, sometimes bees, but she loved the buzz all the same. ❛ you will — ❜ peri started, but then nick continued, catching her off guard, her face melting into one of a devastation she herself had never known until this moment.

He didn't say anything, he only nodded. Tonight was enough. Tonight was all they were promised, wasn't it? Tomorrow was something he could worry about when it came, if it came. All he wanted to worry about right now was what was standing right in front of him, pretending their time wasn't already slipping trough the hourglass from the second he opened the door. He didn't want to waste another moment sad over what could have been, what would never be. He only wanted her.

"Don't cry, Peri," he pleaded softly, he couldn't stand to see her cry, to know it was his fault. If he could take the pain from her, if he could make her get over or forget him entirely... he liked to think he would, he liked to think he'd be strong enough to erase himself for her benefit, though deep down he wasn't sure he would be able to do it. He wasn't strong enough now, to just take a step back. "Everything's alright. I'm here." Lifting a gentle hand, he swiped his thumb underneath her eyes, removing the stray tears with it. "I'm not going anywhere." Not tonight.

peri thought it was common knowledge not to comment on someone crying when they were, well, crying because it was only known to make them cry more. when nick pointed out her tears, told her to stop, her lower lip wobbled, and a small pitiful squeak came from her as she lifted a hand to cover her mouth. her lips still stung, buzzing with a need she didn't want to satisfy because she new it was an insatiable one. peri would never be satisfied, there would never be a time where she could walk away from him and feel good about it. doubt clouded her mind and fogged her vision; what if they had been wrong ?? what if it was supposed to be nick and herself forever and they had misinterpreted a challenge for the end ?? peri was wishful in that regard, hopeful, wanting to feed into the delusions that this wasn't how things were supposed to be for them. a small sob, muffled by her hand came again, and her emotions only amplified when his hand found her cheek and his thumb brushed away the guilt that came in the form of salted moisture.

His mistake had been falling in the first place, for being selfish enough to think it could be different, for allowing her to, for not putting an end to it before it hurt, for imagining a future with her. Even now, long after it was over, imagining what they could have been, if he had just been... different.

He allowed himself to melt into the kiss, the familiar feeling of her lips against his and her arms around his neck. The last time they'd been here, had he kissed her like it was the last time? Had he appreciated the moment the way he should have? He wasn't sure that he could, that it would ever be enough. His hands coming to rest on her sides, Nick held her as close to him as he possibly could, kissing her back with the weight of all of the things he hadn't said. He wanted to live in the moment, a moment he wished would never end so they didn't have to face reality, until he eventually had to come up for air, telling himself it was time to let her go — pulling away to say the stupidest thing he could possibly say. "Don't go. I've missed you."

peri wanted to cry. she wanted to scream. she wanted to crawl into his chest and burrow into his heart and refuse to ever leave. she wanted him to push her away, throw her out the door, demand she NEVER see him again. peri wanted anything and everything all at once, and there was nothing she could do to stop herself as she grew more desperate. more frantic. a hiccup of a sob rose in her throat but she only allowed it to depart as a strained sigh, skin flush from tasting the memory of what once was on his tongue. more hot tears came from peri's eyes, cascading down her checks, melding into their kiss and filling it with salt, alongside a silent reminder of why this all ended in the first place.

he hadn't been honest, but neither had she, and that was part of the reason why this was something that would never work. god, did peri wish this was something that would work, especially when his hands found her waist and he made no effort to pull back from her... but as much as the two couldn't seem to leave one another, they couldn't leave their secrets either. peri felt the guilt rising in her throat, pressing her lips harder to nick's to try and will it back down into the parts of her she pretended didn't exist. some might call that willful ignorance, but peri saw it as a defense mechanism. what she chose to ignore, even if it was only temporary, couldn't hurt her.

when nick pulled back, peri's heavy set breaths and tear soddened cheeks became obvious as she had no means of distracting neither him nor her from them anymore. looking up at nick, eyes glacial and filled with emotions she couldn't name individually, peri tried to smile; it was soft, but it fell quickly, gaze flickering from his eyes to his lips then back to his eyes. god, she was in love with him, and peri wished that she felt as strongly about nick as she did about hiding who she was from him. sinking back onto her feet, peri slid her hands down from his shoulders so they were now resting atop his pecks, fisting and releasing the fabric of his shirt and dropping her gaze to his chest. ❛ i won't, ❜ peri reassured him, tongue swiping along her lower lip, swallowing hard as she brought her eyes back up to his; ❛ —not tonight. ❜

peri didn't understand why it didn't register sooner, her eyes meeting the others and feeling like she was looking right into her own. immediately, peri released the other's hands and took a step back, confusion ripe on her features and panic rising in her throat. ❛ woah, that's... that's freaky, ❜ peri breathed, speaking her thoughts aloud without thinking much about them. was someone playing a cruel joke on her ?? she had the same hair... same eyes... same nose... same everything. wait; was THIS the girl that everyone had been confusing peri for ?? it would make sene, given as the stranger looked EXACTLY like her, and the frost fairy didn't even know where to begin with questions of her own as she stammered over her own disbelief and undeniable discomfort. ❛ no but... but i think i know who you are, ❜ peri managed to get out despite the lack of air in her lungs, squinting her eyes as if testing to see if what- who- she was looking at was real. the blonde had touched the other girl, so she knew she wasn't imaginary, but for all peri knew... this could be some kind of trap.

If she had called, he could have told her not to come over. If there was distance between them still, he could have remembered why they'd ended things without wondering if it had been the right decision, the best thing for both of them. But how the hell was he supposed to listen to logic when she was staring at him like that, asking him what he wanted to know. Can we pretend? "Peri," he started, beginning to speak to tell her no, to tell her it would only make all of this so much worse. But the word refused to come out, her name tangling his tongue as he drank in the sight of her. She was beautiful, she was always beautiful, but she was prettier when she was smiling. He'd do anything to make her smile.

Stepping forward, his body seeming to be on an entirely different page than his mind, the pull to her almost magnetic. Before he could decide to be the responsible one, to do the right thing, Nick's hand cradled her face, pulling her lips into his.

peri should have regretted the request as soon as it left her lips, knowing it was stupid, knowing it was irresponsible, knowing she was just pulling the both of them deeper into something they should have never entertained in the first place... but she didn't. the fae wasn't weak, she wasn't unintelligent, but when it came to nick she couldn't make sense of why her brain couldn't accept that they had ended things for a reason. it was almost as if there was some invisible string tethering her to the man, and no matter how hard she pulled, the fibers didn't fray. in fact, the harder she fought, the stronger the tie seemed to become. nick said her name, and her lower lip wobbled, a part of her surprised he was appearing to be be the sensible one — the voice of reason. the blonde couldn't look away, despite the mist that veiled her eyes once more, despite the knot in her stomach that was begging with her to run out the front door and never look back; do what she should have done the night they agreed to end it all. not to give up, but to give in to the reality that was their situation.

but nick didn't say anything else, and the fae didn't know if that was better or worse than him speaking whatever words were on the tip of his tongue. cobalts shimmered like sun upon sheets of ice, eyes shiny like icicles as moisture hung heavy in her tear ducts, threatening to spill over onto warmth-infested cheeks. this was a bad idea, such a bad idea, but each step he took closer to her had her heart fluttering like the wings of a well-fed hummingbird. peri swallowed, but her mouth still felt dry, and when he was close enough to touch it took every ounce of willpower she had not to wrap herself up in him and never let go — even if she got hurt in the process.

Unfortunately for him, sometimes he also grew stir-crazy, especially on days he didn't work and had spent all afternoon in the same spot. Flipping the TV off, he collected his jacket from the coat rack, slipping it on rather reluctantly, almost dreading leaving but too antsy to stay home alone. He could shoot Tootie a text, see if she was busy, but there was always a chance Judy would be coming home soon. It was better he just go waste some time in town so he could return home, hopefully less down-in-the-dumps than he was leaving. That was the plan.

Caught completely off guard as he yanked open the door to come face to face with Peri, Nick had to blink a few times to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. "No, it's okay. I'm just... not busy," he managed to get out, waving his hand behind him into the empty room to showcase that. "What's going on?" His voice came out softer this time, concerned, his eyes searching her expression for an answer. "Are you okay?"