fool

And it wasn’t that he’d forgotten to let you know he had to cancel, or that he was even ghosting you一which would have been bad enough, yes. He’d actually texted you.

Hey, babe, Zack had written, which made the rest of his message even worse and even more absurd. I know we’ve been enjoying seeing each other the last few months一six months, which was more than a few一but, honestly? Things have been going a little… fast for me. You’d narrowed your eyes at that one. It had been his idea to introduce you to his family. I think we should take a break.

You’d received that text outside the restaurant where you were supposed to meet, after you’d specifically taken a fucking Lyft to get there, because you hadn’t wanted to deal with public transportation in a dress and high heels. 

Then, the coup de grace: When you texted him back, it showed as Not delivered. Because he’d fucking blocked you.

And then, as you stormed away from the restaurant to the bus stop at the edge of the parking lot, the skies opened up and you were drenched within seconds. Your life had become, in the span of about two minutes, a comedy of errors.

So, back to Teacake.

“Where are you?” he asked, cluing in to the irritation evident in your tone.

“Bus stop,” you replied, clipped. Talking to your best friend usually made you feel better, but right now, it was grating on you. Which wasn’t his fault. Everything was grating on you. The sound of your own heels as they clicked across the sidewalk, the tree leaves rustling in the downpour, the quiet thrum of wet tires rolling by as cars drove past.

“What bus stop?” Teacake asked. “I’ll come pick you up.”

“I’m not at the one by work,” you said. You knew he’d remember why, even though he had never really been on board with Zack, for a variety of reasons. “I guess I’m single again.”

“Oh,” Teacake said, like he’d only just pieced it together. “Well, I’ll still come pick you up. What stop is it?”

Now, Teacake did this regularly. Even when it wasn’t raining. He offered to come pick you up from work every single night that he was off, and you took him up on it probably 80% of the time. Or, you had, until Zack. But for some reason (the reason was Zack), Teacake offering to come get you now had you choking up. And suddenly, riding the bus in your dress and high heels felt like a Herculean task. So一

“The one by the Olive Garden,” you said, knowing it was fully across town from Teacake’s apartment. You also suspected that he’d have something to say about Zack bringing you to the Olive Garden for Italian food rather than cooking it for you himself (even though Travis had never properly cooked pasta once and wouldn’t know how to make his own sauce if his life depended on it). Thankfully, he bit his tongue.

“Be there as soon as I can,” he said. “You stay dry.”

“Too late,” you replied, ready to be annoyed and indignant.

But you couldn’t be, not when he said, “I’ll bring ya somethin’ to change into, ok? I’ll see ya soon.”

He ended the call, thankfully, because if you’d thought the deluge from the sky was impressive, the floodgates that opened in your eyes at the tenderness in a handful of words from your best friend put the heavens to shame. He had always been the one who took care of you, just as you took care of him. You’d looked out for Teacake, always; but just the same, he’d looked out for you.

By the time he pulled up to the bus stop, you had a headache from sobbing for so long, and it didn’t exactly help that people who were genuinely waiting for the bus literally stood out in the rain to avoid being near the weird girl crying underneath the shelter, makeup streaking down her face, hiccups wracking her body every few moments.

Teacake parked right in the bus lane, scampering out of his car and rushing over to you with an umbrella, holding it above you as you rose from the bench and stepped over to him; he even held out his arm, letting you use his sleeve to wipe your tear-stained cheeks and (yeah…) even your runny nose. 

Once he’d ushered you over to his car, he pulled open the back door and gestured for you to get in, holding the umbrella over you even though it meant he was the one getting soaked by the torrential rain now.

“Why the一backseat?” you said, hiccuping in the middle of the question.

“‘Cause that’s where the dry clothes are,” he answered, not rushing you, just waiting, his hair getting flatter by the second as the rain doused him. 

A fresh wave of tears threatened to spill over your cheeks, but you just climbed into the backseat and Teacake shut the door behind you. He rounded the trunk of his car, opened the drivers’ side door and got in, closing the umbrella, dumping it into the well in front of the passenger seat, and then slammed the door behind him.

“A successful rescue mission,” he said, glancing at you in the rearview mirror. “You cold?”

“A little,” you said, examining the clothing he’d chosen to bring you. The sweats that he knew you loved, that you wore every time you went to his place after work and changed out of whatever you’d worn at the store that night; and a hoodie, because the weather was too shitty for an Atchison Security t-shirt, no matter how soft they were. 

“That should fix you right up,” he said, but you felt warm air start blowing out of the vents as he fiddled with the heat up front. “Go ‘head and change, though.”

Sighing, you first unbuckled your heels, letting them fall to the floor of the backseat, and wriggled your legs into the sweatpants, hiking them up as best you could beneath your skirt without flashing Teacake一but you noticed that he was pointedly not looking in any of his mirrors, just in case. Which was ridiculous. Because he’d been face first in your pussy on many occasions.

You shucked off your wet dress, letting it fall to the seat beside you with a wet plop, and then grabbed the hoodie. You rolled up the hem, put it on over your head, and then一just to keep the illusion of modesty一tugged it down just enough that you were able to unclasp your bra and slip that off your arms, before pulling the hoodie onto yourself properly, the fabric soft against your clammy skin, wet from the rain. You felt better, though, the comfortable clothes giving you a sense of safety; Teacake, too, contributed to that.

“Feel better?” he asked, and you sniffled but nodded even though it wasn’t necessarily true, meeting his eyes in the rearview mirror, like now that you had his clothes fully on, it was safe to look at you again. “I’ll hang up your dress when we get back,” he said.

“Thanks,” you mumbled, sliding over to the passenger side window and looking out, watching the trees and buildings pass by as Teacake drove you to his apartment, where you used to spend more of your time than at your own place, before Zack.

He let you sit the rest of the ride in quiet, but every time you happened to glance over, you saw him checking on you every now and then, his eyes flicking to you in the mirror. It didn’t make you uncomfortable一but it did make you feel seen, and that wasn’t something you wanted at the moment. You just wanted to vaporize and float away in the storm.

With your forehead against the window, eyes focused on the raindrops pelting the glass right beside your face, you didn’t realize that he’d even pulled into his parking spot until he shifted into park and cut the engine, turning to look back at you over the front seat.

“Ready to head inside, ba一” He cut himself off, clearing his throat, and you turned to look at him because you knew what he’d been about to say, because you’d bet it had been running through his mind since you’d told him you were, apparently, single. “Back, uh, into the一my place?” 

But you weren’t ready to broach the topic of him calling you babe again. Not this soon. Not when your mind was still racing, focused on one thing: Zack.

So you just replied with a simple, “Yeah,” and gathered up your dress, wrinkling your nose at the little puddle it had left on his seat, and how cold and unpleasant it felt in your hands; but then Teacake was waiting for you with the umbrella, a crooked little smile lilting up to one side, rounding his cheek and making the freckles there more apparent, and you let him hold it over your head as he walked you up to his front door.

It was awkward. You couldn’t even lie to yourself about it一it felt stilted and rigid and you’d never felt that way before, not around Teacake. Not even the first time he’d suggested you sitting on his face as a picker-upper.

Oh, god. What if he suggested that right now? What if, as soon as you headed up into his living room, he gave you that look and shifted his weight to the other foot and said, “I know what would cheer you up” and let his tongue flit out over his lower lip?

But when you tuned back in, just inside his door in the foyer, he wasn’t even anywhere near you. You heard him puttering around in the kitchen, some running water, and the clank of metal on metal, meaning he’d just put something filled with water on the stove. For gods’ sake, if he was cooking you pasta一

You padded into the kitchen, still holding your dripping wet dress, but when you rounded the corner all you saw was the teapot on the stove and Teacake reaching up into a cabinet to pull down the singular mug that he had, along with a small terracotta planter that had once held a succulent that a customer at his job forgot on the front desk. He’d brought it home and killed it almost immediately, but kept the little pot that it was in, and used it for hot drinks because it was free and worked pretty well even if it didn’t have a handle.

“What are you doing?” you asked, watching as he pushed open the corner cabinet, a lazy susan, that held Chips Ahoy cookies, Ritz crackers, and a variety of teabags.

“Making tea,” he said, gesturing to the stove while he rummaged around in the cabinet, looking for a specific kind of tea, obviously.

“Why?”

“Because you’re not hungry,” he said, and even though it was true, you had no idea how he knew that since you hadn’t said shit about losing your appetite. And before you could open your mouth to ask, he continued. “You’re never hungry when you get a huge shock like this. So I figured, some tea would warm you up. And also, you probably aren’t in the mood for pasta, since一Olive Garden.” He scoffed and you knew you’d been right about your earlier assumption. “I can make you a grilled cheese if you want, but I only have shredded pepper jack.”

“Oh,” you said, because that was all you could muster up. You just watched as Teacake continued digging through the veritable pile of teabags just… loose in the lazy susan, until he finally plucked out two specific ones.

“Thank goodness,” he said. “I thought I was out.” He flashed the little paper packets at you. “Hibiscus, just what the doctor ordered.” He glanced up at you, taking in your frown, your damp hair, your general displeased demeanor. “Why don’t you go get comfy and I’ll bring you your tea in a minute, ok?” He paused. “Well, a few minutes. Water gotta boil. And gimme that.”

“Ok,” you said, rubbing at your nose, handing him your dress, and then turning and walking deeper into his apartment. You bypassed the couch completely and went straight to his bedroom, settling right onto his bed beneath the blanket he had over the fitted sheet. You fluffed one of the pillows up behind you and sat, knees bent and head tipped back against the wall, waiting and staring at the ceiling.

It was longer than a few minutes, and it gave you time with your thoughts, of which there were too many一and they were the kind that you didn’t want to be alone with. By the time Teacake entered his bedroom carrying his planter-mug in one hand, with the handle of yours looped precariously around his fingers, and a plate bearing a shredded-pepper jack-grilled cheese, you were crying again, phone unlocked and open to Zack’s thread, rereading the texts there. But not the ones from today一no, you’d scrolled back weeks, trying to find something that indicated this was coming.

“Oh boy, ok,” Teacake said, first placing the plate at the foot of the bed, and then the mugs on the bedside table. “Let’s just…” He plucked your phone from your hand, peeked at the screen to confirm his suspicions, then locked it and tossed it gently to the floor, making sure it skidded into his open closet door. He grinned a little guiltily to himself in the mirror set on the interior of the door, but then picked up your mug of tea and held it out. “Added honey for ya.”

“I’m not hungry,” you said, kicking your foot at the grilled cheese, even though it was too far to reach.

“Who said I made it for you?” he asked, even though it was obvious that he had. “World don’t revolve around you, princess.”

You huffed a little laugh despite yourself, wiping the tears from your face onto his hoodie sleeves, smearing makeup over your cheeks and also the fabric. “You sure act like it does,” you countered.

“Yeah, well,” Teacake said, picking up his “mug” of tea and rounding the bed to settle onto it beside you. “Someone has to, might as well be me.”

You didn’t respond, just held the warm mug in both hands. On any other day, being cuddled up in bed with a mug of tea while it rained outside next to your best friend would have been ideal. But today, it sucked. Everything sucked, actually.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Teacake asked, sitting next to you but with enough space in between that there was no danger of either of you brushing against the other. You were thankful for that, but… well, you were just feeling some type of way. You just wanted to feel like someone gave a shit, that was all.

“Not sure what there is to say,” you said, sipping your tea and closing your eyes as the sweetness washed over your tongue. He was always a little heavy-handed with the honey but it never bothered you, not really. Especially not now.

“No problem,” he said, crossing his legs in front of him, tucking each foot beneath the opposite knee. He leaned back against the headboard just the same as you, then rested his makeshift mug on his knee and reached with his free hand for the beat up paperback on the other bedside table. “Just lemme know if ya change your mind.” He flipped the book open with one large hand, holding it with ease propped up between his fingers. You watched him, your eyes a little too watery still to see him clearly, and then一under the guise of wanting to read, too, which is what you’d say if he asked, and you knew he wouldn’t一shifted yourself over toward him, your legs pressed together and bent at the knee, resting on top of his thigh, as you laid your cheek on his shoulder.

He didn’t say anything, just adjusted his tea-holding arm to make sure you were comfortable, and when you felt him tip his head, just a little, just enough, so that his cheek was resting against the top of your head, you closed your eyes and sniffled, because it was just so Travis to do exactly what you needed without you asking for it. Just the barest touch of affection, the smallest hint of contact from him to you一

A thought flitted across your mind, one that you’d never entertained before, but one that you’d always wondered if he had.

Probably not. You were both always adamantly friends and nothing more.

It was after what you estimated to be at least three minutes of leaning on Teacake’s shoulder you realized: He wasn’t reading the book. He hadn’t moved other than to sip his tea, and he hadn’t turned a page since he’d opened the damn thing. In fact, he hadn’t even lifted his face from your head, not even to readjust where he was leaning.

“I am hungry,” you said, after this not-all-that-startling realization. Teacake just huffed a little laugh and, instead of moving, put his book down, switched his tea to his now-free hand, and pulled gently on the blanket to gather it up, until the plate was right beside you and within your reach.

The grilled cheese was still warm, and when you picked it up to take a bite, you saw it was cooked perfectly. Not at all like the pasta一it was crisp and golden brown, and you could see as you lifted one half, he’d put some hot sauce on top of the cheese before it had melted between the bread, mixing the flavors together as they cooked.

You took one small bite first, and then another, because you weren’t just hungry, you found you were ravenous, and the saltiness of the butter he’d spread on the bread helped cut the richness of the cheese and the spice of the hot sauce, and before you realized it, you were eating the sandwich and sobbing again. The plate, which had somehow found its way to Teacake’s lap, was your target to throw the uneaten piece of grilled cheese down, and then you had the heel of your one hand pressed to your face, absorbing your tears while Teacake placed first his tea onto the nightstand, and then yours, allowing you to cover your eyes with both hands.

“It’s ok,” he murmured, voice soft as he wrapped his arm around you, tucking you into his side rather than just letting you lean on him. “Let it all out, it’s all right.” His arm rubbed over your side as you turned, not quite climbing on top of him but facing him more, now, your face hiding against his chest. He lifted the arm wrapped around you, his hand on the back of your head, stroking his fingers through your hair as you cried against his chest, and with his other hand, he rested a hand on your bent knee, turning so his chin was atop your head.

“I just d-don’t get,” you managed to say between shuddering inhales, “why he’d b-block me.”

“I don’t either,” Teacake said, trying to keep his voice neutral.

“He asked me to meet his一folks,” you went on, feeling Teacake’s chin move against your head as he nodded along with your words. “Why would he do th-that if he一if he一if he was gonna do this?” A fresh wave of tears spilled out of your eyes, your mascara smearing across Teacake’s chest, leaving streaky black lines on the front of his Sublime t-shirt.

“I don’t know,” Teacake whispered, moving the plate off of his lap and turning toward you too. It ended with you pulling back from him, looking a mess, and he just leaned up from the headboard, tugging up the hem of his shirt to wipe under your eyes, your cheeks, his thumb brushing一accidentally, right?一your lower lip. “Look up.”

Through your tears, you considered the strange request, curling a lip up a little in confusion as he swiped over your upper lip, just beneath your nose, with his shirt.

“Cryin’ pretty hard there. Gotta check you for boogies,” he said, ducking down to look up your nostrils, and you batted him away, covering your mouth and nose with your other hand, laughing a little despite yourself.

“Get away,” you said, voice muffled by the sweater paw, and rolled away to lay flat on your back, looking up at the ceiling again. “Can I stay here tonight?”

“Why are you even asking?” Teacake asked. He placed the plate on your stomach, still with most of a grilled cheese on it, and then stretched out his legs beside you, though he was reclining rather than laying flat. “Mi casa es su casa, b一uh, bueno?”

That was the second time he’d almost done it. You kind of wanted him to, just to feel some sense of normalcy, but you wouldn’t ask for it, you couldn’t yet.

Did you even want it, or was your craving just residual from being dumped?

“Thanks,” you mumbled, sighing quietly as Teacake picked up his book again. This time, he really read it, turning pages every couple minutes. The calm that settled over you, listening to his breathing and the faint whisper of paper as he progressed through the book, let you focus on real things, physical things, the presence of your best friend beside you, the measurable distance between you, the sound of paper and the smack of his lips as he sipped his tea.

Time ticked on. Teacake got up from the bed, leaving his book and taking your plate, because you’d finished the grilled cheese after a few moments. 

“Want anything else?” he asked.

You shook your head, then rolled onto your side. “Aspirin?” Your head was pounding.

“I’ll bring you some,” he said, leaning over you on the bed and smoothing your hair back, leaning in and giving you a short kiss on your forehead before he stepped back. You could tell right away that it wasn’t something he’d planned or even thought about to any kind of extent, nor was he sure what to make of it, now that you were looking up at him with watery eyes and your brow furrowed. 

Before you could say anything一to put his mind at ease, or to brush it off一he had turned on his heel and left the room. He came back in after barely a minute, two aspirin in his hand and water in an old glass jelly jar featuring Jerry from Tom & Jerry clinging to a kite. He placed them on the nightstand, tilted his head to the side, and cleared his throat a little. You didn’t often see Teacake at a loss for words, and it didn’t help things.

“I’m gonna make somethin’ to eat for myself,” he said. “You just… get some rest, ok? Plenty’a books if you don’t feel like sleepin’ yet.” He gestured toward the milk crate he had tucked into the corner under the window, filled with waterstained old books he’d found at garage sales or secondhand stores. “I’ll leave ya alone for now, ‘less you change your mind. If you do, you know where to find me.”

“Yeah, I… think I’m gonna get some sleep.” You pushed yourself up to sit on the edge of the bed. “Just want to… straighten out my face first.”

“Your face wash is in the bottom drawer under the sink,” he said. “And, uh, aspirin’s behind the mirror if ya need more.” He scuffed his toes against the carpet. “Feel better, ok?”

“Ok,” you said, wondering if he would hold you to it.

“I’m on first shift tomorrow,” he said as you stood up from the bed and passed him, heading toward the door. “You’re… welcome to stay if you want. I’mma keep it real with you, though, my upstairs neighbor’s next of kin’s gotta be a bull in a china shop judgin’ by the way he sounds up there. He don’t know how to keep it down for anything. So he’ll prob’ly wake you up.” As he spoke, he crossed to his dresser, pulling out several pieces of clothing and then moved to his closet, grabbing a pair of cargo pants because, as he loved to remind you, they were the only thing with a pocket big enough to carry along a paperback book, like he needed to stash it in a pocket rather than just holding it in his hand.

“No, I’ll… I’ll leave when I wake up. You’re outta here by 7?”

“Yeah,” he said, crouching down and picking up your phone, holding it out to you. You smiled sadly, shook your head, and then smiled for real when he placed it gently back down onto the floor of his closet where he’d plucked it from. “Gotta be in by 8, ‘ll be home by 6. Like I said一you’re welcome to stay一”

“No, I’ll go,” you said. You crossed the threshold of his bedroom, making for the bathroom. “I need to go… pack up his shit sometime, might as well do it while I still feel awful so it’s just… done. And then I’ll feel better and not have to worry about it, right?”

You weren’t actually asking一or, well, you didn’t mean to actually ask一but it absolutely sounded like you were and like you did.

“Y-yeah,” he said, almost hesitating in his answer. “Yeah, of course. Of course you’re gonna feel better. Especially once you wash your face and take something for that headache. Get some sleep.” He did hesitate then一but just closed the distance between you anyway, wrapping his arms around you in a hug even with his clothes still clutched in one of his large hands, engulfing you in his strong hold, covering your form with his and sapping the pain from you. He couldn’t take it all, but that wouldn’t stop him from trying. “Feel better.” His voice was soft and tender, and you nodded, your cheek brushing against his chest.

“I will,” you said, making a promise you really hoped you could keep.

You parted ways at the bathroom, but as you eased the door open and flicked on the light, you looked down at the bottom drawer that he’d indicated and then looked around the doorjamb at Teacake’s back as he headed to the kitchen.

“Hey, wait,” you called, and he stopped, turned, didn’t approach again.

“Yeah?”

“You bought my… cleanser?” you asked. Teacake nodded. “Why?”

He shrugged. “Figured someday you might need it.”

You watched as he disappeared into his small kitchen, the metallic clang of something being placed onto the stove ringing out. You stood there for a long moment, then finally shut the bathroom door behind you, looking at yourself in the mirror before noticing, out of the corner of your eye, that Teacake had hung your dress up to dry just like he’d said he would, the hanger hooked on the shower curtain rod.

&&

True to his word, the next morning, you were awoken by Teacake’s upstairs neighbor clomping around like he really did have cloven feet. Your first instinct was to feel around on the bedsheets for your phone, and when you couldn’t find it, you rolled over, searching on the nightstand for it as well, but all you managed to do was knock over the jelly jar still holding a couple mouthfuls of water.

“Fuck,” you murmured, not wanting to wake Teacake if the thunk of the jar hitting the floor hadn’t already, before remembering that he’d slept out on the couch. 

With a short internal sigh, you pushed yourself up to sit, trying to ignore the heavy footsteps above you一they seemed concentrated directly above the bed you were occupying, but like… that couldn’t be, right? What a dick.

Anyway, you picked up the now-empty jar and stood up, making your way out to the kitchen quietly.

Not that it mattered. When you exited the hallway you saw the couch was empty, a towel一had he used a towel as a blanket?一half thrown over the back of the sofa and the succulent pot on the coffee table, half full of more hibiscus tea, left behind as he’d had to leave for work.

You were supposed to work today, too一an afternoon shift that you had absolutely no intention of showing up for. You’d have to text Ophelia soon to see if she would cover for you. She’d never liked Zack much either so you had a feeling she’d be sympathetic and switch shifts. But right now, you needed to get yourself together and head out. The bus stop wasn’t far from Teacake’s apartment, and even though it would be a little bit of a trek to get home, you had to do it. God, in your fucking heels and dress.

You continued on to the kitchen, snagging his cold tea on the way, and dumped it down the sink before grabbing some paper towels to try and sop up the water you’d spilled in his room. On the way back, you took the towel and draped it over the rack in the bathroom, straightening it with one hand while you lifted the hanger still holding your dress off the shower curtain rod. It had dried, you felt as you scrunched the garment a little in your free hand. So while you’d be suffering on the bus dressed up like you were still in a happy relationship and wearing heels that made your legs look fantastic but crushed your soul, at least you wouldn’t be wet. Wa-fucking-hoo.

Pausing by Teacake’s closet only to grab your phone, you crouched down to pick it up from the floor where he’d left it, then straightened up and caught sight of yourself in the mirror on the back of the door. You looked一tired. Worn out. Hair frizzy and tangled, eyes still puffy and tinged a little bit red even though you’d washed your face and splashed cool water before you slept.

Didn’t help that you’d woken up crying twice, but whatever.

Heaving a sigh, you studied yourself in the mirror, then turned away. You didn’t want to make your own self worth about Zack一and you never had before一but the way he’d done things had fucked with you. And if he didn’t even think you were worth an in-person break up…

“Nuh uh,” you imagined Teacake’s voice in your mind, because if he knew you were thinking this, he’d surely be saying that. “On’y worthless one in this situation is that guy. And I know you know that, babe.”

Eyes snapping to your face in your reflection, you took in the panic written across your features, as even your imaginary version of Travis called you babe.

You did an immediate about-face, rounded the foot of his bed, and dropped the paper towels onto the wet spot in the carpet, pushing them down into the fibers with your feet, soaking up as much water as you could while you checked your phone.

Two missed calls from your mom, which made sense, because she knew you were going out with Zack and you usually called her after. She had enjoyed meeting him, after all.

You also had about fifteen texts from your friends and一oh. Two from Teacake.

You opened the group chats and other threads just to get rid of the notifications, and then navigated to your thread with Travis, not bothering to read the preview before opening it.

T: hey! good morning. hope you slept ok. =) i left you a couple hibiscus tea bags on the counter if you want. again you’re welcome to stay, but i know you wanted to get home. T: if you need anything you know where to find me. any time. =)

You read over the texts several times, like you were searching for meaning that you knew wasn’t there. Then, you sat on the edge of his bed, turning to look at the expanse of his mattress, where he’d smiled at you and made you laugh and gotten you off probably more times than you really cared to count at this point, all for the sake of just making you feel better.

You were friends. He was being friendly一above and beyond friendly, maybe, but that’s what he did. That’s what you both did for each other.

if you need anything you know where to find me

Suddenly Teacake’s bed seemed like the safest place for you to stay, for you to ground yourself again, even if he wasn’t in it with you. So you did. He’d said you could stay, and you knew he’d meant it too, because he always did; with you, he never said something he didn’t mean, never had a hidden message beneath his words. His house may have been your house too, but you couldn’t shake the idea that in addition to that sentiment, Teacake… was also your home.

The day passed, you killing time in Teacake’s room and then his kitchen and then even outside, taking a short walk in his development just to get some fresh air and feel the sun on your skin, since of course the storm had blown over the night before.

You’d done a lot of thinking while you were alone in his apartment, and decided that, ultimately, whatever had caused Zack to decide to block you was something that was inherently his issue, but you played a role in it too. It couldn’t be all his fault. And besides, you were here wallowing in your best friend’s house, your best friend who had never really liked Zack, even though they’d spent a lot of time together, because you had a boy friend and you wanted him to meet your boyfriend. Your best friend who took up most of your free time, until you had met Zack, and even then, still took up a lot of your attention, because you’d had Teacake for years and Zack for only months. Your best friend, who had regularly performed oral sex on you. And you on him. And Zack had never, ever found that out, but it was still weird. 

Well, it was weird, if it was just friends.

And you didn’t think you and Teacake were just friends.

Not anymore.

Maybe… not ever.

You were exactly already where you needed to be. Teacake knew it. Now you did too.

&&

Teacake was whistling to himself when he arrived home at 6. You heard him stop short, though, confused一because something was off. Something… smelled.

His footsteps padded through the house一first to the kitchen, and then straight toward his bedroom in a beeline, his feet so determined to get him there that you thought he might give the guy upstairs a run for his money.

He burst into the bedroom, eyes wide and scanning for you, not that he needed to, because you were still in his bed, still under his blanket, a mug of tea in one hand while you held the paperback he’d been reading一The Pearl by John Steinbeck一in the other.

“This book is so sad,” you said, holding it up. “Why are you reading it?”

“It’s一” he started, stammering a little as he gestured at the book. “Profound.” He stepped into the room a bit further. “You’re still here.”

You put the book down, then lifted your hand to rub at your nose. “I’m still here.”

Teacake shrugged off his Atchison jacket to reveal an Atchison shirt below it, and you lowered your eyes, because you shouldn’t feel like smiling. You shouldn’t, after being dumped. But maybe after the revelation you’d had一

“Feel better?” he asked, interrupting your thoughts and crossing to his closet to hang up the jacket, then turning to you, taking you in. You were wearing一you’d changed.

“Yeah,” you said, shifting a little so that the blanket fell off of your lap, revealing your outfit. “I took a shower. Raided your dresser, sorry.”

He shook his head. “No worries,” he replied, untucking his collared shirt from his pants. “My stuff looks better on you anyway.” He gestured vaguely at you, where you were wearing an oversized t-shirt he’d thrifted of the Monstars team from Space Jam and a pair of blue Champion sweats, which were old enough that he’d gotten them back before the brand exploded and became streetwear.

“Well, I一” you started to say, but stopped yourself, moving to stand, facing him across the bed. “That’s… can we talk?”

Teacake’s brow furrowed and he stepped closer to his bed, eyes moving over you, from your face down to your rigid shoulders, your clenched fists.

“Y…yeah,” he said, and you could tell you were freaking him out, worrying him, so you just pushed on.

“Well I一I was thinking, when you weren’t here, I… I was just thinking about… Zack,” you said. You watched as Teacake’s lips pressed into a thin line, but he didn’t interrupt you. “And how he一you know, did what he did, and I, um, I realized some things.”

“Mm,” Teacake intoned, crossing his arms over his chest and shifting his weight. “Like?”

“That一ok. I was looking back at our texts and stuff一”

“Again?” Teacake did interrupt you this time. “Babe, that won’t help anything.”

Your eyes met his, and what he’d said sunk in for him a solid five seconds after it sunk in for you.

“Shit, fuck, I’m sorry. I一I didn’t, ok, that just slipped out, it’s just一it’s just a name, right? It’s not a thing. That’s just一like my little一nickname for you, y’know? Always has been, right?”

It had not always been. He’d only started calling you that when the face-sitting started and you both knew it. Because it made you feel special enough to let him eat you out, and it made him feel like you were his.

Not that either of you had ever told that to each other. But you felt just comfortable enough that you, at least, might be about to.

“That’s一actually why I…” You lifted your hands, holding them out to stop yourself, letting them fall back to your sides, because you needed to start from the beginning. “So. My texts with Zack.” This time, Teacake stayed silent, but you could tell he was still a little skittish from his slip-up. “I was trying to see if anything he said… explained why he did this.”

Teacake nodded a little, waiting for you to continue, but when you didn’t, he just prompted you. “Well, did it?”

“Not anything he said, no,” you explained, emphasizing he just a little in your statement. “But I… Talked about you. A lot. Like, I一” You huffed, not sure if you were going to laugh or cry. “If he talked about his girl best friend as much as I did, I’d probably ghost him too.”

And you could see, right away, that Teacake was taking it as though you were blaming him. The crestfallen look on his face, the way his eyebrows rose, concern etched across all of his features, shoulders slumping just enough to be noticeable.

“I’m一so sorry, I, I never thought一”

Fuck. “No, that’s not一”

“Something about him just rubbed me the wrong way, but I shouldn’t have said that to you, huh,” Teacake said.

“You were always一no, you were always一Travis,” you said as he spoke over you, sidestepping his bed and moving over to him.

“I can talk to’m if you think that’d help? Tell’im that we’re just friends, nothin’ else.” He gave you a look as your hands moved to his biceps, squeezing his arms through the bright orange work shirt. “You’ll never hear me say the b-word again.”

“Travis,” you said, and he looked at you, mouth open just slightly, expression pained now, because he thought he was the one who’d gotten you dumped. “That’s not what I meant.”

There was a quick, quiet beat. “Then what’d you mean?” he asked.

Your gaze dropped from his eyes to his lips, then lower, the collar of the white undershirt he wore beneath the button-down, back up to his mouth, and it was like your own body was refusing to look anywhere else even though you wanted to meet his eyes again.

“That we’re not friends.”

You could see out of your peripheral vision that it hurt him in the moment, his lips puckering a little, ready to question you with a “What” or a “Why” or even a “How” but before he could say anything, before he could feel worse about what you’d said without really comprehending what you’d meant, without knowing the realizations that you’d come to, you spoke again.

“That we’ve never been just friends.”

He shook his head, almost imperceptibly, like he heard what you were saying but didn’t want to agree with you, because you meant more to him than almost anyone else in his life ever had, and you knew that.

“That I don’t think you believe that either.”

This time, before he could even really react other than to lift his arms, put his hands on your elbows to hold you or push you away一it didn’t feel like he’d decided一you were leaning in to him, and your lips were on his and it felt like the entire world stopped around you.

But then it kickstarted into motion again, and the ferocity with which Teacake was kissing you eclipsed every other thing you were thinking and feeling and being一you didn’t have a heart or lungs or brain or stomach. Arms and legs, gone. Everything about you was entirely fixed on his lips connected with yours, his hands gripping your elbows, pulling you closer一he’d gone and decided一your hands moving to his front, flattening the shirt down over his chest as you pressed as close to him as you could, and then he was tipping his forehead against yours, breaking the kiss, looking down at you, and you felt the magic of it surge up all around you again as you met his eyes this time.

“That obvious?” he asked, and you laughed a little, tears pilling in the corner of your eyes for a significantly better reason than just a day ago.

“Apparently not,” you said. “You let me date Zack for six months.”

“Hey, I don’t believe in the friendzone, ok? I’m just happy ta see you happy.” He snapped his fingers, like he’d just gotten an idea. “And hey一I know just the way ta do that. And I’m pretty fuckin’ good at it, truth be told.”

“You think so?” you asked, sliding your hands up his chest to round his shoulders, letting your arms lock around his neck, your fingers playing with the hair at his nape.

“I have it on pretty good authority,” Teacake said, leaning down to just barely drag his lips over yours, not quite kissing you, but almost.

“Whose?”

He smirked, made a little amused noise in his throat, then took your mouth with his again in answer, kissing you deeply right away, not wasting a moment一he was kissing you like he was a drought and you were water he’d been longing for for a lifetime.

You let yourself wash over him then, the tide of what you felt for him flowing up and over, until he was tugging you toward his bed and pulling you onto his lap and holding you right against him, your legs spread wide over his thick thighs as he held you tight against him. And it was new it was still familiar, because while you’d just kissed him for the first time, the way he touched you, the way his hands cradled you with care and affection, reminded you that touching you was something he’d done pretty regularly until half a year ago.

“Travis,” you whispered against his lips, and he pulled away, but only to press his lips to the corner of your mouth, then your cheek, up to your temple, brushing your earlobe.

“Yeah?” he replied, his hands on your back, feeling your chest kick beneath them. “What is it?”

“I一” you tried to say, but couldn’t get the words out, instead just turning your head, searching for his mouth again, because you felt it and you wanted him to know it but the two words, the seven letters, the entirety of your psyche couldn’t make it past your lips, so your body redirected it. The tears that stuck to your lashes pooled just enough that one spilled from the corner of your eye, and Teacake noticed; he kissed it away.

“What is it?” he said, concern clouding his voice, and just like that, the roiling heat between you was turned down to a simmer. “Talk to me, babe.”

You gasped at the pet name, because it hit different now, and shifted your hips closer to his. “It’s not一bad, I promise,” you choked out. “I一” Again, you couldn’t speak the words because they meant too much, and he moved his hands to your face, cupping your cheeks, thumbs swiping beneath your eyes.

“Ok,” he said, believing you. He let you kiss him again, let you take the lead, let you suck at his lower lip while he kissed your upper one, his hands sliding back to card through your hair, curling his hips up against you as you rolled yours down onto his, wanting to get closer, wanting to be closer, but you were close enough to be joined already if not for the frustrating layers between you一there was nowhere else for you to go, and yet it didn’t keep you from trying.

“Travis,” you gasped, breath catching in your throat as he licked your lower lip.

“Shouldn’t think ya look so pretty when you cry, should I?” he asked, and you laughed, tears still rimming your lower lids. “Think you’d look pretty doin’ anything.”

“I’m all right,” you said, trying to play it off as a self-deprecating joke, but he only clicked his tongue, tsking at you and shaking his head.

“Ya gonna make me get stern with ya?” Teacake asked, and you gave him a bemused look, reaching up to wipe your own eyes.

“Maybe,” you answered, and then the next thing you knew, he’d fit his hands around your waist, pushed you back and guided you to your feet, and then turned you to sit on his lap again, just with your back to his front this time. Directly across from you was his open closet door, the mirror reflecting the both of you.

“Gonna make me prove it?” Teacake asked, his voice just bordering on a growl, and you met his eyes in the mirror, his face over your shoulder, and nodded.

“Maybe,” you repeated, and he smirked, his arms snaking around you, one making you startle a little as he moved his hand down between your legs, cupping your mound through his sweats一and then immediately looking at your face to make sure you were on board. Grinding up against his hand as you loosed a soft sigh was a clear enough sign to let him know that you were.

“No one knows you like me,” Teacake muttered, his lips against the nape of your neck. You weren’t even sure if he meant for you to hear, but it wasn’t said with possessiveness. He said it with a softness, a tenderness, one that made you feel seen in more ways than just having his eyes on yours in the mirror. He rubbed at your pussy through the sweatpants, and then pulled up the hem of his shirt over your stomach, just tucking it beneath your tits, leaving it there, not exposing you yet. He let his fingertips trail across your stomach and pressed a kiss to the side of your neck.

You turned a little toward him, enough that your nose brushed against his, and then you were kissing again, letting him claim your mouth with his soft, insistent tongue, begging entrance and you granted it to him, flexing your hips against his hand as he cupped you, rubbing over you with his whole palm, holding you easily with how big his hand was.

“Look,” he whispered against your mouth, jerking his chin toward the mirror, and you turned back as he pulled the shirt up, exposing your tits. You watched as his eyes roved over your reflection, then lifted your arms to let him pull the shirt off you easily, the garment landing in a pile on the floor, part of it caught on top of your toes where your foot hovered, your legs still tossed over Travis’ knees. 

“What are you doing?” you asked, your eyes still feeling watery, because you were starting to understand that you were truly known, truly understood, by another person, maybe even more than you knew or understood yourself.

“Want you ta see,” Teacake said, his lips against the shell of your ear, “how pretty ya look doin’ anything.”

“Doing what?” you countered, laughing a little, your eyes threatening to leak again, because you didn’t expect to be worshipped, and that was what you felt like was about to happen.

“Anything,” he repeated, “you just don’t listen to me, do ya?” He kissed the tip of your ear, then put his hands on you again, both this time, starting with your stomach and skimming upward to cup both of your tits, thumbs flicking over your nipples right away. You closed your eyes, but he hummed a quiet “Mm-mm” against the line of your jaw. “Open up.”

Blinking your eyes open, you watched Travis watch you in the mirror, his eyes fixed on your breasts, but every time he met your eyes in your reflection, your chest felt tight and you arched your back into his hands.

“See?” he asked. “You love lettin’ me make you feel good.” You did, but this was entirely separate from that. This was new, and you were learning how to react, still. You met Travis’ eyes in the mirror, and he winked at you. “Am I makin’ you feel good,” he asked, pausing for what felt like dramatic effect but you knew was actually calculation, “babe?”

“Travis,” you moaned, because he knew, he had to know, what that did to you. It had always worked before, and now that things were real一were they real? They felt real. He had to feel that it was real too一it was more than just a ploy to help improve your mood. “Travis, I一”

“It’s ok,” he said, “I know.” And you really, truly, believed that he did. “Feel good?” he asked you again.

“I like when you call me that,” you said. Confessed, really. “That’s一what makes me feel good.”

His fingers stilled on your chest before he started in again with just one, his left hand cupping your breast, his right making its way between your legs again, but this time, he slid his hands inside the waistband of his sweats, pushing them down a little where they were ringing your hips.

“Makes me feel good too,” he said, and then his fingers were pushing between your pussy lips, your bare cunt free and easy for him to access because you’d been wearing his clothes with no underwear at all, and when his fingertips slipped through your folds, you both felt exactly how wet he’d gotten you, just from some easy flirtation and supporting you and, of course, calling you the name that had made you feel like the center of his world, and then letting his actions back it up. “Makes me feel like… you’re mine.”

You gasped again as he said it, because of his words, not because of what he was doing to you, his middle finger slick on your clit, circling over it as he looked into your eyes in the mirror.

“I一am,” you said, because even though it was still flitting around at the back of your throat, it didn’t seem like the one thing you really wanted to say wasn’t ready to head toward the tip of your tongue yet.

“Yeah?” he asked, a touch of disbelief in his words. “You’re mine?”

“Yeah,” you sighed, moving your own hands to your waist and curling your thumbs into the sweats, lifting your hips just enough to push them down and baring yourself to him, sliding them down over your legs and dislodging the shirt from your foot as you kicked them off all the way. And as you settled yourself back down onto him, you felt it一the strain of his cock in his cargo pants, eager to be known, to have attention paid to it, so you pushed back, hoping the curve of your ass against it would give him some relief.

Travis groaned softly in your ear, sliding his hand down further between your legs and letting two fingers rub your slit, smoothing your wetness over it, around it, and then back inside it as he slid two digits into you, curling them into you and reveling in the feeling of you against him, your back fixed firmly to his front, his hand rubbing at you between your tits, wrist curved beneath your left breast as he stretched his arm across your body, giving your right one some attention now. You bit your lip but couldn’t hold back the quiet whine as he teased your nipple, pinching it gently between the sides of his straightened index and middle fingers, tugging at it just enough to stretch it out, feeling it peak in his hold; the combination of his hand working at your nipple with his other hand pressing fingers tight inside you had you squirming on his lap, legs still spread wide open, his lips kissing your back as he peeked over your shoulder, keeping his eyes on you in the mirror.

“Believe me yet?” he asked, rolling his hips up against you, searching for friction on his cock, that he wouldn’t ask for, because this was for you一not him. Not yet.

“Yes,” you said, nodding, squeezing down on his Teacake’s fingers inside you, your voice breaking into a shattered moan as he eased them further inside of you, the pads of his fingers hooking upward, trying to find your g-spot, and your body gave a kick as he released your nipple, his left hand moving down between your legs too.

“This ok?” he asked, circling your clit with his left hand now, working you over with both hands as you slid forward, the only thing keeping you from falling between his thighs were his legs still propping you up and his arms tight around you; even with all his ministrations, he was still making sure to hold you, sturdy and secure.

“Is一what ok?” you gasped, your orgasm inching ever closer and making your thoughts muddy, scattered.

“Making ya come like this,” Teacake clarified. “Like, not on my face.” He dared to part his legs a little further, letting your quivering thighs frame your cunt so beautifully in the mirror, even though most of your body was blocked by his arms.

“Your face?” you asked, then realized what he had actually said. “No, it’s fi一fuck, Travis一!”

He’d opened his legs even more, your hips flexing, pussy lips parted, your folds on display for both of you to see as he fingered you a little deeper but still moving just as slowly, as carefully, taking his time even though your body was very much in a hurry, in a rush, wanting to end so everything could begin all over again.

“Look how pretty you are,” Teacake said. “Everywhere.”

“I’m close,” you said, your voice low, “Travis一I一”

“Shh,” he said, pressing a little more firmly against your clit, “it’s ok.” Your little bead was flicking side to side beneath his touch, and when he crooked his fingers just right inside you, you were coming on his hands, his name on your lips as you tried in vain to squeeze your shaking thighs together; his own legs forced yours to stay open even as you trembled on top of him, naked and shivering, one hand of yours on his wrist, the other reaching back behind you to curl a fist into his hair. You pulled his face to yours to kiss him as you rode it out, hips bucking with his fingers still inside you, pulsing against your g-spot as your walls constricted around them, his thumb joining in rubbing over your clit. He alternated that with his other hand, and you felt yourself rising again, overstimulated but still so close that you half-sobbed, half-screamed against his mouth, your voice crackling with pleasure as you came again, your body spasming in his hold, lips on his as he swallowed every single noise you made, the little groans and the big cries. Your chest heaved, pert nipples begging for attention一your arousal dripping from his fingers and your thighs.

Teacake held you, laying back with you on top of him, your body splayed out over his, strong arms circling you like he didn’t want to let you go, nor did he even move his arms until you heaved out a sigh, finally relaxed again, your legs still weak, your heart still pounding.

But he didn’t actually lower his hands off of your stomach. He just slid them to different places on your front, his left moving down over you to tickle your abdomen as he went一you laughed, trying to bat at his hand as he groped at your thigh, his fingertips sinking into the plush flesh of your leg一and right moved up to your chest. Not to feel you up again, but to lay palm-flat over your heart, feeling it slowing gradually to a flutter beneath his hand. You stayed like that, laying on top of him as he rubbed a circle over your chest, massaging you a little with his large hand before you felt your eyes welling up again, because it was so intimate and so beautiful that you couldn’t stand it一you needed to just tell him.

“Travis,” you said, voice thick, and he arched his neck, lips grazing over the curve of your jaw beneath your ear.

“Lemme up, babe,” he said, and you did press your thighs together this time, a sigh emptying your lungs as you slid off of him, resting for a moment beside him on your bed, looking over as he turned to look at you just the same, and when a grin split his face, his pink tongue just visible between his barely parted lips, you couldn’t help but laugh, just a little, the tears spilling from the corners of your eyes again.

“Trav,” you started again, but he pushed himself up and leaned over you, kissing the trails of wetness on your cheeks, where the tears had rolled down into your hair.

“If you keep cryin’ I really don’t know what I’m gonna do with you,” he said, balancing on his left hand as he cupped your face with his right, thumb brushing over the apple of your cheek.

“They’re good tears,” you said, because they were, and yet you still felt like the unspoken words between you would keep you this emotional until you had a chance to actually say them. “I just一”

But he was up and moving, unbuttoning his shirt and letting that drop to the carpet as well, pulling the tee off with one hand at the back of the collar, removing it in one easy motion so from your perspective, one moment he was still shrouded in white cotton and then you blinked and he was bare-chested, his broad chest covered with the thick spattering of hair, his freckles, the slight stomach you found especially endearing when it spilled over the waistband of his pants. And then he made quick work of those, too, the button and fly undone, waistband pushed down so the loose legs of the pants fell off him. He stepped out of them, eyes on your face the whole time, even as you watched him remove his boxers too, his cock bobbing a little as it cleared the waistband, his balls heavy below it.

Your eyes carved a trail up his body, slow and meandering, taking in first his hard length, the soft roll of fat where his stomach met his thighs, the thick line of hair below his bellybutton, leading straight upward一but you deviated from it, instead following the constellations on his front, until you reached his chest, perked nipples, one pierced, nearly obscured by the denseness of the hair spread across him there. 

Further up still一and your gaze fell upon his face. He was already looking you right in the eyes, his lips curved in an adoring smile, eyes half-lidded as he took in your voracious exploration of his body. You saw it affect him too, even, the way his shoulders lifted and his chest gave a little kick, the intimacy of someone seeing you that way, taking you in一even for the two of you, who had tasted each other’s bodies before your mouths一it was a lot.

It was so much, it was everything.

“Travis,” you said, reaching out a hand to him, lifting yourself up a little on one elbow, and he stepped forward, taking your hand as he climbed back on top of you, lowering his mouth to yours, kissing you deep and rich and meaningful, not allowing your lips to part even as you scrambled together to situate yourselves properly on the bed instead of laying with your legs hanging off the sides.

He settled himself on top of you, his body slotting against yours, and it hit you that this was the first time the two of you had ever aligned like this, had ever actually felt the expanse of the other’s skin on your own. Normally一it was oral sex and nothing else, never his hips pressing down onto yours, your chest arching up into his, legs tangled together, arms coiled close. And he was looking at you, his eyes on yours, searching for the meaning to the entire world with a certainty that he was going to find it. Maybe he already had.

He kissed you, languid, eager, his tongue slipping between your lips and around your tongue, the quiet noises of your breath mixing with his, skin sliding together in whispers, your bodies speaking, suggesting, agreeing. He kept his fingers laced with yours even as his other hand moved down, below you, his palm up against your back to hold you as you parted your legs beneath him, his weight fully on you, firm, his pressure entirely welcome. Just like your first kiss一your first time being together still felt familiar, right, like it had been a matter of time before it happened and you had finally reached the end of the countdown.

Your free hand curled into his hair, your fingers catching on the tangles in his wild strands, and you felt him smile into your lips before he pulled away, but not to speak, only to kiss you elsewhere besides your mouth. He started with your cheeks, still a little damp from the tears that had been falling from your eyes, then down to your jaw, tongue flitting out over your skin to lick up the tears that collected in the hollow of your throat. He continued on一your collarbones, your sternum, the valley between your breasts before you shifted a little, and he followed you, leaning to your right to drag his lips over the swell of your chest.

Sighing softly as his lips closed over your pert nipple, you watched with heavy-lidded eyes as he sucked you softly, gently, tongue tracing over the tip in his mouth as he did, drawing you in with each pull of his lips. He was so careful and so tender that when his eyes flicked up to yours again, catching you watching, you saw his cheeks round up as he smiled with his lips still puckered around the pebbled nub, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he pulled off and switched to the other side. He clung to your fingers tighter, curling his around your own, and you lowered your hand from his hair to cup your breast for him, thumb flicking over your nipple even as he closed his mouth around it, sucking your tit and your thumb at once, tongue laving over both as you rubbed the pad of your finger against the wet muscle.

He sucked your thumb and your nipple, letting his mouth stimulate it at the same time as your finger, you moving back and forth over the hard little bud while he sucked at you, and the combination had you whining lowly, and then gasping as you felt him roll his hips against you, focusing on your chest but still wanting some friction for himself. His cock was pressed along the your thigh, leaving a sticky trail of precome on you he pulled back and then thrust forward, not mimicking fucking you but instead一it felt like he was trying to dig his way even closer to you, despite being on top of you, your skin stuck together with no space between. The heat between your front and his was sweltering, the hair of his chest tickling your stomach as he surged back up, face-to-face with you once more as his half-chubbed dick slid against your mound, the wetness from his tip mingling with your arousal, eking out of your seam to coat your lips and the underside of his prick as he moved over you.

The feeling of it, of the almost-connection of your most intimate places, drug a sharp gasp from Travis and a stuttered inhalation from you, your eyes meeting his as he gradually lowered his mouth to yours, your lips meeting in your favorite kiss so far, where you let him in and he took you back just the same, the kiss deep and fervid but liquid almost, flowing together so perfectly that you felt the intense need to break it, to finally say what you’d wanted to all goddamn day, but the idea of taking this from him when he was so reverently kissing your lips kept you from acting on the impulse. 

And still, without drawing his mouth away, he squeezed your hand even tighter, wanting the contact as his tongue licked your lower lip, the tip trailing the underside of your lower lip before locking them with yours again, kissing you anew, deepening it so he could taste your moans as he pulled his hand out from beneath you and bent one leg at the knee, rising up off of you just enough to give himself the room to work his hand between your bodies.

“Ah一nn,” you whimpered, because you knew what was about to happen, knew what was coming, and still, as his wrist pressed against the front of your hip, the backs of his fingertips pressing the stretch of skin below your bellybutton as he gathered his cock up in his hold, curling his hand around himself, you sucked at his upper lip. He didn’t let your mouths part, even still一he just flexed his hips, guiding his cock down between your legs, the head dragging against the seam of your lips, parting them around him as he stopped kissing you to concentrate, needing a moment to get himself right, to situate himself where he needed to be. His lips were still on yours, the tip of his nose pressing into the side of yours, eyes scouring yours, and you kept yours right on his, the understanding and gravity of what you were doing一something you couldn’t come back from, nor did you want to一draping itself over you both and making itself at home. There, and there to stay.

The wet tip of his cock nudged your clit and you whispered his name; you watched as his eyes closed, lips brushing yours in a half-hearted kiss, hesitating to move further forward, because this was a moment that he wanted to last forever一the anticipation of knowing what you both were about to do, the sweetness of the fruit before the first bite, the heady excitement coursing through you before the plunge一and then he angled his cock down, just enough to feel your body accept him, your slit so, so wet and so, so ready一

Your body stretched around him so beautifully, the finality in knowing that now you knew each other in all the ways one could know another person, and yet the hope that there was still more you could find after this. His knee pressed a point into the bed beneath your thigh as he shifted his weight into you, his cock breaching you and your walls sucking at him, urging him forward, wanting to feel him flush against you一and once he was in you fully, you couldn’t help yourself. You turned your face from his, finally breaking the kiss, only to lift his hand with yours, bringing it to your mouth and glancing kisses against his knuckles, your eyes wet again, and when Travis nosed in, not trying to interrupt you but kissing the tears from the corner of your eye, before they could even fall, you finally just said it.

“I love you一” you gasped out, voice breaking with how heavy the words felt on your tongue, and then your chest when they left your lips. “Travis, Travis一I love you一” You’d said them, not a whisper and not a shout, but concrete and steadfast, and it still sounded like they were ringing in the stillness of his bedroom, echoing, pinging back and forth between your mouth and his ears.

You felt his lower lip tremble for a moment against you before he pulled away, and then you saw his eyes, just as shiny as yours for the briefest moment before a teardrop rolled down the length of his nose, landing on your cheek before he tucked his face into the crook of your neck, breath warm as he barely managed to huff the words into your skin.

“I thought about it,” he said, muffled, but this close, you could understand him. “I thought about it but I一almost didn’t wanna risk believin’ that ya一might.”

“Travis,” you whispered, and because letting go of his hand was, at this point and for the foreseeable future, not an option, you wrapped your other hand around him, holding him, feeling the weight of him on top of you and between your legs but in your heart, too, and as his chest kicked against yours, the two of you feeling everything about the other, you turned to kiss his hair, and then he turned to kiss your mouth, salty with tears and sweet with spit and the superior mixture of both as he mumbled against your lips.

“I love you too,” he said, but it didn’t feel like enough, not to him. “I love一you so一so much, I一fuck,” he stammered, and then the way to show you, to explain himself best, finally occurred to him. He ground his front against yours for a moment before pulling back, letting his cock slip out from between your folds just to work right back in, and the feeling of him moving in you caught your breath in your chest. He was still murmuring “I love you” into your mouth, and you felt the smile curve your lips more and more each time he said it, until you were crying with a grin on your face, your cheeks wet with your tears but Travis’, too.

You flexed your hips up into his, greedily enticing him deeper into your cunt, wanting to feel him there now, and later, and tomorrow, and for the rest of your life, if he’d let you. Your thighs squeezed his sides, your knees bent alongside him as his legs tangled in the blanket below you, working himself into you over and over, your cunt pulsing on every side of him, his cock throbbing deep within you as your arousal intertwined with his, only making it stronger, thicker, needier.

“Say一say it again,” he said, leaning his forehead against yours and meeting your eyes. “Tell me it一again, babe, please一”

He didn’t even get the request out before you were nodding, your head rubbing back against the pillow, because it bore repeating: “I love you, Travis一”

He didn’t cut you off as much as make your words devolve into a moan, his hips snapping into yours quicker now, his cock entering you so fully you felt him everywhere, and then your hips jerked up against his as his hand, which had been resting on your hip, snaked its way between your bodies again, his fingers threading through the short, curled hair on your mound, pressing down and down until he felt his finger slip between your labia, smearing your arousal over your slick skin until he found your clit, and then you were repeating it like a mantra, professing how you felt along with his name, and then it was just his name, the only word you knew how to say.

“Travis, Travis, Travis,” you half-babbled, as he fucked into you, his cock so stiff and filling you in the best way, reaching every single tender little spot you had inside you, so thoroughly claiming every inch of you as his own, that when his eyes, still shiny, still wide, met yours, you turned your wrist, coiling your arms together to feel even closer, even more wrapped in him, and bowed your back, meeting every thrust of his with one of your own, until it was too much一his finger circling your hard clit, rubbing at it in just the most perfect pattern, the exact pressure you needed, the rhythm quick like your heart beating in your chest.

You fell first, your body snapping like a wire wound too tight, arching your front against Travis, and he followed you, his hips still rolling into yours, cock squeezed tight by your pussy, milking his orgasm from him, and he filled your cunt with spurt after hot thick spurt of his come, fucking it into you even after you’d both finished, your quivering lips still holding his cock between them, your body refusing to let him move away and leave you empty.

“Trav,” you whispered, sniffling a little as you felt his thumb move over yours, your hands still locked together.

“Took us long enough,” Teacake mused, and you laughed, tears back on your cheeks, but good tears, the best tears, actually.

“Not like you were that subtle about it,” you teased. “Babe.”

“Hey, that’s my line,” Teacake said, and even as he pulled out, lip curling a little at the loss of you, he kept his hand in yours, his forearm resting across your chest with his chin on your shoulder. “And it ain’t my fault if you ain’t that quick on the uptake.”

“Ok, rude,” you said, but you were smiling still. He leaned up, balancing on one elbow to kiss the tears away again.

“I know I said ya look pretty cryin’, but this is gettin’ ta be a little ridiculous,” he said. He was still smiling too.

“Stop makin’ me cry then,” you countered, closing your eyes as his lips moved over your cheek, stopping the tears in their tracks.

His nose brushed your temple and he pressed himself even closer to your side. “Long as they’re good tears…” he led you, and you nodded, because they were. Teacake gave you a lopsided smile. “Then no.”