Quiet pain.
summary: yn hides that she struggles with endometrisis because shes scared and embarrassed and when Jay finds out he comforts yn.
warnings: menstrual cycle, blood, endometriosis, pain medication, very little cussing,bad writing.
please let me know if I missed anything. I really hope you enjoy this I struggle with endometrisis so that's kinda where this came from please leave your feedback and thoughts just please be kind enjoy.
You were laying in bed. You were in so, so much pain you could barely move, and you definitely couldn’t sleep—you were in too much pain.
Jay was laying next to you in the bed, sleeping. You guys were partners in the intelligence unit and really good friends, and as of three months ago you became a couple. You guys finally confessed your feelings for one another and started dating. It had been an amazing three months full of cute, happy moments: late-night talks, going out on dates, or just staying in, watching movies and cuddling.
But beneath all those sweet moments, you were still hiding something—your endometriosis. You’d never told Jay, mostly because you were embarrassed and honestly a little scared of how he might react. You didn’t want to freak him out or be a burden for him, so you kept it to yourself.
Carefully, very slowly, you got out of bed, trying not to wake Jay. You didn’t want to get up, but you needed the bathroom and you also needed to grab some pain meds. So you took those first, taking the max dose and hoping they’d kick in as soon as possible. Then you went to the bathroom, and a really bad cramp hit, dropping you to your knees. It was so bad you couldn’t even breathe through it, and it wouldn’t stop.
So you decided to just lay there for a bit, hoping the meds would kick in. You started to cry, your shoulders shaking as you tried your best to muffle the sound. You just wanted the pain to go away.
You don’t even know how long you lay there, crying and sniffling, but out of nowhere you heard a soft knock on the bathroom door. Jay had still been asleep when he reached for you, only to find cold sheets instead, and that woke him up. He got up to look for you, worried, and then he saw the bathroom light glowing underneath the door. He knocked again, a little louder this time.
“Hey… you okay in there?”
His voice startled you, so you immediately wiped the tears off your face and steadied your voice as much as you could.Yeah, I’m good. Just… going to the bathroom.
You prayed he couldn’t hear the shakiness in your voice, but he could. You guys had been partners for years, plus dating for three months—he knew your voice better than anyone. Hell, he thought it was one of the most beautiful things about you, and you definitely did not sound okay to him.
His voice came out soft but worried. “Are you sure? You don’t sound like yourself.”
“Yes, Jay, I’m okay. Go back to bed. I will be there in a minute.”
You heard him sigh behind the door, not in annoyance or anger—just worry—but then you heard his footsteps move back toward the bedroom.
After a bit, you went back to bed. The pills were finally helping to just barely take the edge off—just barely—but at least it was something. You crawled in on your side and felt his arm wrap around you. It didn’t surprise you that he didn’t fall back asleep, but you were really hoping he hadn’t heard you, though.
“Are you positive you’re okay, baby? You were gone a while… you know you can tell me anything, right?”
For a moment, you considered telling him, letting him in, but your thoughts got the better of you. What if he thinks I’m gross? Or that I’m too much work? Or that I’m weak, a crybaby? He’s been through so much during his time in the Rangers, and you’re crying about your stupid cycle.
“Um, yeah. I know. Thank you, but I’m fine.”
Eventually, you were able to get a little sleep.
Morning came way too quickly. You moved slowly, getting ready for work, still in pain and trying so hard not to let it show. Jay was at the kitchen counter, watching you carefully, sipping on his morning coffee. His brow creased every single time you winced, no matter how subtle you tried to make it.
“Hey, you sure you’re good to go to work today?” he asked gently, but you could hear the worry in it.You nodded immediately, without any hesitation. “Yeah. Just tired.”
The meds were starting to make you really groggy, unfortunately. Jay didn’t believe a single word. You weren’t okay—he knew that—but he couldn’t figure out why. He let out a quiet sigh but didn’t push it right now.
The ride to the district was quiet, the silence only filled by the music playing through the radio that was hooked up to Jay’s phone.
When you and Jay walked through the doors of the district, you felt a warm blast of heat hit you, and you loved it compared to the freezing temperatures outside. You hated Chicago winters sometimes.
Trudy looked up from her paperwork and looked directly at Jay. “Oh wonderful, my morning headache has finally decided to show up.”
You snorted before you could stop yourself. She looked at you and immediately softened. “And you, my favorite detective in the whole building. Good morning, sweetheart.”
Your shoulders relaxed a little. “Good morning, Trudy.”
She leaned forward on the desk, lowering her voice. “So tell me… did he drive like a normal human today? Or were you two seconds away from filing for emotional damages?”
Jay blinked. “I can hear you, you know.”
“And I want you to,” Trudy shot back without missing a beat. Then she looked at you again. “So? Blink once for acceptable and twice for near-death experience.”
You laughed. “It wasn’t that bad.”
Jay pointed at you. “THANK YOU!” Then crossed his arms again.
Trudy patted his arm like she was consoling a child. “Relax. We all know you try your best.” She turned back to you with a genuine smile. “You need anything—tea, backup, a new partner to escape from Mr. Broody over here—you come see me and I will handle it for you.”
Jay scoffed. “Okay, why am I the villain today?”
You laughed a bit, shaking your head as you headed toward the stairs. Jay followed, muttering under his breath about how she adores you and hates him.
“She doesn’t hate you,” you responded.
Behind you, Trudy called out, chuckling, “Oh, and don’t stress her out today.”
Jay groaned, and you smiled. Then the day officially started.
You kept busy at your desk, diving into paperwork and avoiding walking. Anytime you got up, pain would shoot through you. After a little while, you got up and went to the break room to make some tea and also to take another pill, hoping maybe it would kick in quicker this time.
You thought you were doing a good job hiding taking the pain pills, but you weren’t. Jay had been watching you like a hawk, still thinking about last night and this morning. He saw you taking the pills out of your pocket and shaking another one into your hand, how your shoulders tensed, how you pressed your lips together like you were holding your breath through something, how shaky your legs seemed—almost like they wanted to give out.
By the time it hit noon, he counted three times you had taken pills. He’d had enough. He wanted to know what was going on.
On a break, he approached your desk and leaned against the corner, lowering his voice low enough so only you could hear. “Babe, that’s the third time today you’ve taken pills.” His voice wasn’t accusing, just soft and genuinely worried. “Talk to me. What’s going on? Let me help you.”
You kept your eyes locked on the file in front of you, afraid that if you looked at him you might break, so you did what you always do—hide it and lie.
“Jay, I’m fine. I just get bad headaches sometimes. It’s nothing.”
He crouched down and turned your chair so you would face him and look at him. “You barely slept last night. You locked yourself in the bathroom, and I swear I heard you crying. You’re really, really pale. You’re shaking, and you’re taking pain pills any time you get a chance.”
He reached for your hand and held it gently. “Baby, please. I want to help you, so let me help. What’s wrong?”
Your heart twisted, your throat tight. God, you wanted to tell him, to let him—but you were so embarrassed, and you were so scared of how he would react. You couldn’t look at him any longer. His eyes were pleading, like he was begging you to tell him what was going on.
So you stood quickly—too quickly. Your head spun from the migraine you had, but you ignored it. “I said I’m fine, Halstead. Now focus. We have a lot of work to get done.”
Then you walked off.
He stared after you as you walked away, worry eating at him. He could see you were in pain, but what was hurting you? Was it serious? And most of all, why weren’t you coming to him? You both always went to each other, even before you were dating.
He was determined to figure it out. He made a mental note to get you to talk to him later. He refused to let you go through something alone.
By the end of shift, the pain was eating through whatever pain meds you had left in your system. It felt like a knife twisting and stabbing, even traveling to your back. It was awful. Your head was throbbing; it hurt to even blink.
Luckily, it was a chill day—no big cases—so you didn’t have to go chase anyone down. You mostly just did paperwork and reports like everyone else, but still, you just wanted to go home, get a heating pad, and sleep.
Jay had been watching you like a hawk. He’d been waiting all day, hoping you would come to him on your own, but he looked like he was two seconds away from dragging the truth out of you one way or another.
Finally, Voight came and told everyone to go home. That was the best thing you heard all day.
You were getting ready to head out, but then you remembered—you rode with Jay, and you’d been staying with him while your apartment was being worked on. You completely spaced it out.
Just then, he came up and put his arm around you. “Hey, you ready to go?”
You gave a small nod.
The ride was tense, but you stayed quiet. When you made it to his apartment, you immediately went to the bathroom. When you came out, Jay was standing by the kitchen counter with a determined, stern look on his face.
“Okay, that’s it. Enough hiding. What’s going on?”
“Nothing. I’m fine.”
Just then, another hit came, and you couldn’t stop the wince that escaped. Jay shook his head. “See that? That’s not fine. So stop lying to me and tell me what’s wrong.”
Before you could argue, your whole body clenched, pain shooting down your legs and up your back. It was the worst one yet. You leaned forward, gripping the table hard. A choked sob left your throat, and your vision blurred.
Jay’s face fell instantly, replaced with worry. He rushed to your side. “Whoa, hey—Y/N.” He grabbed your shoulders gently to steady you. “Talk to me, baby. What’s going on?”
Your eyes were clamped shut, a tear slipping through. You were so humiliated. “Nothing. It—it’s stupid.”
“Sweetheart, look at you. You’re in pain,” Jay’s voice cracked a little. “Just tell me what hurts.”
You finally gave in. You weren’t getting out of this. You swallowed hard, your cheeks hot. “It’s my… cycle. I get super bad cramps.”
Another wave hit, and you curled in on yourself. Jay didn’t hesitate. He put one arm behind your back and the other under your knees and gently, slowly lifted you into his arms like you weighed nothing.
“Okay, c’mon. We’re getting you somewhere comfortable and off your feet.”
He set you gently on his couch, grabbed the softest blanket he knew was your favorite, and a pillow. Once he got you settled, he crouched in front of you.
“How long has this been going on for?”
“It started the other day,” you whispered. You sighed, finally coming clean. “I have endometriosis, and it gets really bad. It’s always like this… I just—I didn’t want to freak you out or gross you out or make you take care of me like I’m a burden. I know it’s stupid. You went through awful things overseas, and here I am crying over my stupid cycle.”
He stopped you right there. “Hey, whoa. Y/N, slow down. You’re spiraling.”
You stopped, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. He gripped your chin gently and made you look at him. He looked at you like you’d just said the most backwards thing ever.
“Okay, first—you are not a burden, and you never will be, baby. You don’t get to minimize your pain. What I went through over there doesn’t cancel out what you’re going through, or your pain—ever. Pain is not a competition. You are allowed to ask for help and feel pain.
“I didn’t start dating you because you’re invincible. I started dating you because I love you, Y/N. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I want to help you. I never want you to suffer alone—not when I’m here.”
You almost didn’t believe what he was saying. “I just didn’t want to gross you out.” Your voice was shaky, and you were crying.
Jay had a small smirk and reached up, wiping your tears away with the pad of his thumb. “Baby, I have seen blood. It doesn’t bother me.”
Before he could continue, you cut him off. “But it’s messy and painful. It gets so bad sometimes I can’t function. I didn’t want you to have to deal with that, Jay.”
Jay shook his head. “So you mean being human? Being a woman? Because that’s what this is, and it’s normal. I promise you, sweetheart, I’m not grossed out. None of that stuff bothers me. So please, just let me help you from here on out.”
You smiled and nodded, wondering how you ever got this lucky to have him as your boyfriend.
Jay smiled too. “There’s that beautiful smile I love. So, where do I start? What can I get you? What normally helps?”
You were hesitant at first, but you could see in his eyes that he truly wanted to help. “Well… a heating pad helps sometimes, and maybe some hot tea with honey, if you don’t mind.”
He was already up and moving. “I don’t mind at all.”
He got the heating pad, plugged it in, and placed it on your belly. Then he went to make some tea for both of you. When he came back, he set the mugs down and looked at you sweetly.
“What else can I get you, sweetheart?”
You shyly said, “Cuddles? And a movie?”
“Now that I can definitely do.”
He got on the couch, held you, cuddled you, and put on your favorite movie—the one Jay always said he hated, but you knew he loved and was just trying to tease you about.
After a little while, you looked at Jay. “I’m sorry for not telling you sooner.”
Jay looked down at you. “You don’t have to apologize. Just please promise me you won’t hide anymore and you come to me next time?”
“I promise.”
You fell asleep halfway through the movie and later felt Jay carefully and gently take you to bed, tuck you in, and crawl in with you. Half-awake, you mumbled, “Thank you.”
Jay barely understood you. “You never have to thank me for taking care of you. You felt him kiss your forehead. “Goodnight. Love you.”
“Love you, Jay.”
Hey I hope you all enjoyed! sorry it took me this long to put something out. I hope you have a good Day!
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