me: *says a dumb joke*
someone who has never had a creative thought before: how high are you?
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Sade Olutola
TMBGareOK. The Official They Might Be Giants tumblr
Cosmic Funnies

if i look back, i am lost
Claire Keane

Andulka
Show & Tell

blake kathryn
art blog(derogatory)
Misplaced Lens Cap

oozey mess
Jules of Nature
🪼

pixel skylines
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
seen from Serbia
seen from Türkiye
seen from Indonesia
seen from United Kingdom

seen from Belgium
seen from Costa Rica

seen from Australia
seen from Philippines

seen from United States

seen from Canada

seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Venezuela

seen from Mexico

seen from Argentina
seen from Vietnam
seen from Jamaica
seen from Singapore

seen from Kazakhstan
seen from Paraguay
@snake-ears
me: *says a dumb joke*
someone who has never had a creative thought before: how high are you?

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Food Network shows are fake because when they drop food into hot oil they don’t run away when the grease starts popping
car boys, baby
The Midnight Screecher from What Shall We Do To-Night? by Leger D. Mayne, 1873.
if armed thugs had cornered me, i would simply disarm them and use their weapons against them. it’s that simple.

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did I ever mention that I know someone whose family owned a zombie dog because that’s some real shit that I get to delight with at parties
Tell us that story?
okay here is the story of the zombie dog
this dog’s name was John. they found him half drowned in a bag of puppies that were not so fortunate as he was, and was taken in immediately. he was a runt and not quite right (most likely from the whole half drowned thing), but a very loving dog. the problem with John was that he smelled like death, and no one knew why. vets couldn’t figure it out. it was obviously some kind of skin problem, but they had no idea what kind. all anyone knew was that if you touched him, you would smell like death too, so you couldn’t pet him, and that for some reason, the only thing that made the smell go away was being around other dogs. so they got another dog and the death smell stopped and John lived a very happy life
when he was getting old, maybe about 15 years, part of his skull caved in. just like that! suddenly had a huge dent in his head! and he was totally fine. didn’t notice it, didn’t affect him at all. just this massive dent right there in his head where his skull had collapsed in on his brain, and he was still the happiest and most loving dog. the skull cave in, for whatever reason, caused the ear on that side of his head to just fall off entirely, but again, perfectly happy dog who did not know he was down an ear and a fully formed skull. they took him to the vet, thinking maybe they should put him down. I mean, wouldn’t you think so? but the vet said that the dog was eating, and pooping, and happy, so there was no reason to put him down, so they didn’t
but that’s not even the weird part. the weird part is the area of the brain that got caved in on was apparently the area that registers pain, so this one-eared, collapsed skull dog could no longer feel any pain. he got old, his joints got stiff, his teeth rotted out of his head, his tongue hung out of his mouth and got black and hard, and he felt none of it! in fact, he was happier than he’d ever been feeling no pain, and the fact that he didn’t feel how much he was falling apart somehow made him live until he was 23. that’s right, the collapsed skull, one eared, zero teeth, smells like literal death when alone dog lived to be 23 years old. they used to joke that he’d been dead for years, but was too stupid to realize it yet
and that’s the story about the literal zombie dog my friend’s family owned
I'n simultaneously delighted, alarmed, a little horrified and impressed all at once.
Me and my a_hole friends have booked up the fancy french restaurant on valentine’s day, we’re all arriving staggered every twenty minutes, asking in our most mournful tones, for “a table… For one”
I’m going to be blunt with you Mr. Car Salesman, may I call you Mr. Car Salesman? I don’t care how fast it goes, or how many horse souls you encased in the engine, I only care about the horn. Now please stop talking so I can hear this bad boy beep.

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Are you fucking kidding me
The one where Ross fails Tʜᴇ Hᴏʟᴇ
I can’t even read what this says

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So with voting do you cum when a person get bitten into or when a person is swallowed or does it depend on the moment
usually you just mark a ballot with a pen or you select the candidate you want on a screen. sometimes you hole punch the ballot though
Drama in the worm fandom