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The SysmedsAreSexist Flag

This is a flag to indicate that a user is secretly SysmedsAreSexist. Color meanings are below the cut. Coined by @/me.

My partner has been with us for ten years, and they've known about us for six of those years.

When he first found out, he went looking for resources, and one of the first ones he found was called The Significant Other's Guide to Dissociative Identity Disorder. It's a funny, honest guide written by another singlet partner. It talks about the good and the bad, insurance, therapy, hospitals, etc. Most importantly, it talks about what to expect from your system partner.

It wasn't until a few years later that he showed us this guide, and he explained that the brutally honest take on system behavior helped him become a better spouse for us. It talks bluntly about how systems are selfish by nature. Not in a negative way, just as a matter of fact. We have so much going on in our heads that sometimes it's really hard for us to keep our partners in mind, as well, and it comes across as selfishly absorbed, at times. It talks about how to handle that kind of behaviour, and the rewarding love you get in return.

But that REALLY struck me. It was true, and so was a lot of other, negative stuff (stereotypes?). It kind of put my partner in a new light for us-- we gained a huge amount of respect for him and appreciation for the things he put up with and tried to work with us on. Of how much work he put in and how much patience he had.

Singlets have an incredibly unique view on certain aspects of the disorder and of system life that is SO important to the conversation. I wish he had shown it to me earlier, but he said he didn't think I was in a place to hear it back then, and he was probably right. I wouldn't have taken it as positively and it wouldn't have had such a profound impact on us. Now we do our best to stay mindful of things-- so that we can be better, too.

Singlets tend be an unbiased, outside view. It's why anyone with half a brain encourages questioning systems to see a therapist. Traumatized, mentally ill individuals tend NOT to be good judges of... Much of anything, really. Themselves, situations, other people. I can't tell you how many times I was TEN THOUSAND PERCENT SURE I was a making a safe, smart decision, and he was behind me, rolling his eyes, waiting patiently for me to come to my senses, and then I'd run crying back to him when it all went to shit, because holy crap, that was dumb of me.

He also is VERY aware of the nuances of syscourse, he hears me talk about it daily. He engages with it through me. He's done enough of his own research to form his own opinions and thoughts so he can support me, and/or tell me when I'm being a proper little shit.

I talked recently about the unique perspectives of people who dipped their toes into plurality and DID/OSDD, and realized/admitted they weren't systems, and those who realized it was something else. Those perspectives are just as unique and useful in helping other systems figure their stuff out. They do understand syscourse. They've likely engaged in it before. They're allowed to, still.

Singlets who have never met a system in their life, but have a peer reviewed paper in have are goddamn allowed in syscourse to share it and talk about it.

They sure as fuck might be wrong, but they have every right to get involved, when and where they're welcome.

👏 Singlets 👏 have 👏 a 👏 place 👏 in 👏 syscourse 👏

User input trigger lists in big system servers are clunky, often full of random squicks and bullshit, and outright inhibit conversation.

if a pro-endo claims to experience something, we HAVE to believe them, no matter how impossible it is. forming DID without trauma? syshopping? fictives that literally were their source in a past life? even if it goes against science, we have to believe them. and we can't even bring up the possibility that they could be mistake about what they're experiencing - even after many dissociative systems come forward and say they were mistaken about the same thing.

but when we, a DID system, claim to have experiences that line up with medical views of systemhood? suddenly we can't be trusted to accurately judge our own experiences. we're just being brainwashed by Big Psych, or by our "sysmed" friends, we're probably an endo in denial and soon we'll figure it out.

[Text: This system is autistic and has ADHD.]

because of a combination of things:

polyfragmentation is a specific structure of DID where you have a few well defined parts and a large number of fragments. generally coupled with things like complex internal structures, such as subsystems, layers, alters with alters, etc, complex splitting patterns, such as iterative alters and fractal splitting, and large, complex immersive inner worlds, (if you have an inner world), polyfragmentation is understood as a very complex form of DID that is not your run of the mill case.

polyfragmentation is generally a specific experience caused often by severe forms of abuse. people misunderstanding its causes and just claiming it can happen because you're autistic and hyperfixate on medias and split a lot of fictives is not only incorrect, but also does a massive disservice to those who have gone through the abuses that can cause polyfragmentation.

there's also the fact that not understanding what polyfragmentation is, how it's structured and what causes it only shows a lack of understanding of DID, and under researching, which shows that the person is misinformed as it's at the very least mentioned and explained briefly in many books about DID.

so i am here to say that actually, finding comfort in sourcemates when you’ve just been plopped into an unfamiliar world is probably good. finding touchpoints and learning things from each other, good. awesome!

and these are people who will just treat you as a friend, because they know what it’s like to meet someone who knows your source and gets all weird about it. if they’ve been around a while they can help you acclimate to your new life.

you’re a person, and people grow and change over time. if you get a softer landing by finding old friends out there, there’s a decent chance of your growth happening sooner and you becoming more than who you were. at least that makes sense to me, and it certainly works for us internally with fictives from the same source. it’s grounding.

Encouraging looking for strangers to connect with memories that likely are a result of trauma is fucked up, too often have people been manipulated and kept in toxic relationships because of this mentality.

here’s some interesting stuff about child parts within DID that i think not enough people hear or talk about. especially that part that says “child alters are not packets of childness retained in a surrounding area of adult psyche. they are stylized packets of adult psyche”. child parts are not real children, and have the ability to do and understand things that real life children will not.

[image ID: text from the book “understanding and treating dissociative identity disorder” by elizabeth howell. the text reads as follows:

CHILD PARTS

Most people with DID have at least several child parts. Child parts tend to hold most of the abuse memories. As a result, they are often exiled in the system (Schwartz, 1997) and avoided (Van der Hart et al., 2006) by other parts in the system, including the host, who do not want to be bothered with their painful feelings. Although it may seem odd to say this, one should keep in mind that child alters are not real children. Even while speaking in child- like ways, child alters often understand abstract concepts and long words. As Shusta-Hochberg (2004) noted: “It is important to remember that the patient is an adult, despite the childlike ego-states. These parts are not actual children” (p. 16). This is in agreement with Ross’s (1997) statement that “child alters are not packets of childness retained in a surrounding sea of adult psyche. They are stylized packets of adult psyche” (p. 147). The ages of child parts often correspond to ages at which they were abused, yet they may also be younger or older. Some may mature and become older in the treatment, as well as in life, and some may stay the same age.

trans systems, whether one member is trans or many

systems who use neopronouns/xenogenders

systems who are all/majority queer

systems who only have a few queer members

systems with complicated relationships with sexuality/romance/gender

systems who all have different genders/sexualities/romantic orientations

systems who don’t know their gender/orientation

systems who use many labels/pronouns

systems who only use a few labels/pronouns

systems who identify solely as queer

systems who use the label queer among many others

systems who are gnc, whether it’s everyone or just one member

systems who don’t fit into any neat boxes of identity

systems who have one partner

systems who have multiple partners

systems who are aroace because they are, and that label fits

systems who are aroace because of trauma, you’re still valid for that!!

systems on HRT

systems who are not on/never want to be on HRT

systems who want top surgery/implants

systems who don’t want top surgery/implants

systems who want bottom surgery

systems who don’t want bottom surgery

systems with one majority orientation

systems who are confused on their orientation because of their systemhood

systems who don’t know what to label themselves yet, but are not cishetallo

systems who thought they were one gender/sexuality, which later changed

transmasc gnc systems, transfem gnc systems, and everyone in between and outside of those labels

systems whose label changes depending on who is hosting the system

basically, big big shout out to fellow queer systems, i love you and i hope you all have a very merry pride month!!

i originally made this explanation in response to this post, only to find out that the OP actually has me blocked. i’m still going to respond to parts of it regardless, to display why the sources it uses are wrong, and how this understanding of OSDD-1 is incorrect, because i am so tired of seeing this unsourced rumor and huge piece of misinformation being spread around. with that out of the way, here’s why OSDD-1 cannot be polyfragmented.

do NOT put whether an alter is an introject or not above them being a real person. as a singlet BY DEFAULT their source does not matter to you. treat them like you would anyone else until you know what they are and aren't okay with.

do NOT treat alters other than the host like they're lesser than them. everyone in a system is in the same boat, your host friend included. if you treat any other alter like shit the host (and everyone else in the system) WILL be affected.

do NOT trigger alters on purpose. i shouldn't even have to say this. we aren't fun little toys for you to play with, we're REAL FUCKING PEOPLE. i don't care how big of a fan of our sources you are or how stupid you think our triggers are. be a decent person and treat us like you would anyone else. it's dehumanizing to act otherwise.

do NOT make jokes about "waiting for [x] to split" to your system friends. this one really depends on the boundaries of whoever's in question, but joking about wanting us to split is insensitive. we don't split for fun or for you to interact with your favorite character. we split because it's how our brain knows how to cope. you're not in the place to make jokes about this unless you KNOW it's okay.

if you are:

- a system with psychosis

- a system with bpd

- a system who doesnt experience amnesia/experiences very little

- a system who experiences heavy amnesia

- a system who experiences maladaptive daydreaming

- a system who's body is neurodivergent in some way

- a system whos body has any disability

no mater what other things you experience on top of/with being a system, youre still loved, valid, appreciated, and damn it are we proud of all of you for making it this far. Things can be really hard especially right now while we're all healing from different things during a pandemic but I'm here to tell you that youre doing amazing. remember to drink water and eat when you can, dont force yourself to get out of your comfort zone too often. your safety an comfort matter so much and so do you, continue to take care of yourselves and the body

you don’t know all your system members, how many there are, or whether some system members actually are separate or are also you

you don’t know your system members’ roles, or your system doesn’t identify with roles

you can’t clearly differentiate between/see your system members in headspace, or you don’t have a headspace

you can’t clearly differentiate between members in front/tell who’s fronting or when you switch

you don’t have a system name

you use i/me pronouns

you don’t present differently or have distinct ways of talking/typing from each other

switching feels less like your body is being taken over and more like the state of who you “are” is changing into someone else

your system members feel more like different parts or versions of the host than entire people

you can’t tell whether a new system member split or you’re dealing with an unstable sense of identity

you can’t switch at will or communicate with your system members

you are unable to make a list, set up coherent profiles on tumblr or pluralkit for your whole system, or similar.

we’ve seen these expectations placed on systems online, and people dealing with impostor syndrome because their system doesn’t fit the expectations. but none of it is actually required to be a system. 

the main part of dissociative disorders, after all, is dissociation. many systems experience confusion, because the dissociation is part of what makes them a system. and since dissociative disorders develop as a trauma response, it’s actually extremely common that system members aren’t obviously distinct from each other, since splitting in the first place is the brain’s attempt at a survival tactic. it just usually isn’t as clear-cut as the online community makes it out to be.

it’s okay to not know. it’s okay to be unsure. having a disorder doesn’t mean you have to know everything about how it works and what’s going on in your head.

Y’all, stop, this isn’t how this works at all.

For the love of God, please, join a creative writing or roleplay group (there’s a million and one of these online between Jcink, Proboards, and Discord).

Stop appropriating a serious mental health disorder for “OMG I WANNA HAVE FUN CONVERSATIONS WITH MY ORIGINAL CHARACTERS”. This is spitting in the face of those who have DID/OSDD. It’s a DISORDER for a fucking reason, y’all.