Please don't have extremely BRIGHT/FAST flashing lights in your bio/pin, I have epilepsy and it's quite dangerous for me to see something bright as the sun flashing before my eyes. Which is the sole cause I have to lower the screen light for anything with bright flashing lights. Thank you.
🚫AI, do not repost, translate my works or feed them into AI
Not spoiler free about anything (just add a warning when discussing them so others can see it and avoid it if they don't want to see any)
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Tags: ✉️. marie - any asks i get and answer. Sometimes I forgot to add that tag though...
marie talks - just me talking about whatever in general.
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But. I'm going to assume that everything and everyone can be "fixed" or helped, rather, slowly within the circus.
I do agree that Jax abstracting is an allegory for suicide.
I also agree people who keep pushing help away are going to eventually give in to self harm and/or suicide. Hurt people hurt people.
You can only help a person as much as they want to be helped. And if they don't want to be, then it becomes a cycle of pushing and pulling.
I've had friends and family members like Jax. To the point I became depressed and in one case suicidal because I was worried 24/7 about whether or not she'd try something because she said she would so often. I thought I was a bad friend for not being able to change her mind. And because of that, I thought I'd be better off dead had she gone through with it.
She pushed and pushed and pushed to the point I had to leave. Because if I didn't, I would have become another her.
And I was suicidal at some point in my life, when I was younger, before I knew her. And going through that again...
So hearing about the ending kind of brought up some memories, ngl.
Jax needed help but refused it.
In my head, I can only hope that the cast can slowly help and heal the abstracted and that the abstracted will accept their help, if they're sentient enough to do so. Including Jax.
But that makes me wonder... Is every abstraction suicide?
And it gave me an idea for a fic that I'll never write (Jax angst goes brr. Caine angst goes brr. Pomni angst goes - you get the idea)
Guess who's been in the ER for 4+ hours because of chest pain that conveniently started 13 hours after I started a new med and hasn't eaten anything because they left for the ER after they woke up due to the sudden pain!!!????
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@ananeuvii, I'm tagging you directly since you have a history of ignoring things that require accountability.
I'm not someone who makes posts like this. I think callout posts can easily come across as dramatic or performative, and I've always avoided them for that reason. But this isn't drama. I'm going to lay everything out with receipts, and people can form their own opinions.
cw: mentions of self-harm/suicide, harassment, predatory behavior toward minors
There are more than 30 Ana's.
Ana runs multiple accounts and uses them in ways that range from embarrassing to genuinely harmful.
One that I do feel is a mix of both is the @lyneyhatersdni blog. Ana claims this is her ('ex') boyfriend… she's the boyfriend.
Someone told me that before the account was fully set up, the following list and recently liked posts were publicly visible (which is just a default setting Tumblr uses).
Every liked post was content from Ana, Lilac, and Karma.
The account types exactly like Ana's; she tries to switch her typing style on it, but she slips… a lot.
I always thought it was weird when I first found that account, that it's rarely active.
That only Ana responds/likes my comments if I interact with them??
And what made my assumption feel far too true is this post she made:
This is a self-report if I've ever seen one. And why does this matter beyond just being weird??
This account was used for publicly 'dating' Ana, complimenting her, calling her pet names, having entire conversations with her in the comments of her post. She is having a relationship with herself in front of everyone.
And here's the infamous conversation she had with herself when she posted "im gonna kms" on her main, where lyneyhatersdni shows up in the comments to comfort her. She is roleplaying emotional support from a person who does not exist.
He is only online when she needs him to be (like making that "ana won't be online" post or interacting with herself). He never used it outside of using it for ana. They always happen to be online at the same time, and now she's active on his account bc shes "going to be offline for a long while" and is addicted, so that's what she uses right now.
But it gets worse than just beyond fake dating.
'lyneyhatersdni' was the account behind the anonymous hate messages that Lilac received on her old blog. Lilac's old account (scaraobsession) is now deactivated, so those specific asks are gone, but they were horrible nonetheless.
Lilac had to turn off anonymous asks entirely because of the harassment, and Ana had the audacity to reblog Lilac's post about it, acting like she was defending her.
Ana sent anonymous hate to her own (ex) close friend. And then publicly positioned herself as the one protecting her from it.
That's fucked up.
What's more fucked up? If this 'boyfriend' is real, dating your friend's bully is fucked up.
She also very, very likely sends herself anonymous requests. Some requests are for engagement on her blog; others are hate-directed at her(self). She literally discovered the feature publicly on her blog, as seen in the image with the anonymous hate at the top. The proof is all there.
The vent account(s).
Ana has had multiple vent accounts in the past; her newest was leaked recently. What was on it was absolutely disturbing.
One of the very disgusting things that stood out on this account was the posts written as conversations between herself and what she frames as an internal 'voice,' using brackets to distinguish it. In these posts, "the voice" says things like 'i hope they die', 'i hope one of them dies', and other… odd things you'll see below.
Ana responds back to "the voice" as herself, pushing back mildly, but she's the one writing all of it. She typed every word, fantasizing about (ex) friends' deaths.
And in the tags? She writes things like "these r kinda just like the thoughts I don't agree with, but r still there" and "pls know that's not actually me." She tagged her own death wishes toward her friends with a disclaimer. As if that makes it fine. As if hitting post and putting it on the internet is somehow not a choice she made.
These are all directed towards both Karma and Lilac. Ana's always been jealous of Karma, hated them. When they were all a trio, Ana would constantly leave Karma out on purpose; she tried to kick Karma out of the friend group, but ended up kicking herself out instead.
She crashed out on Lilac once, called her a slutty b*tch, over Lilac saying "plsplspls" to Karma. This is exactly what this post is about, and this is on one of Ana's yapping side blogs' accounts.
She treats her own spiraling as a performance and then demands that other people warn her before they vent.
Both Lilac and Karma found her recent vent account and reblogged it. This also isn't the first time Ana's vent account got leaked; you'll see in the image below.
After being caught, Ana deactivated her recent vent account (belovedofbarbatos), and ranted on her main before deleting and then making an announcement post saying she'd be offline for a very long time. Her ass is too chronically online for that, and she's still active on her @windspokenwhispers sideblog.
She only cares that she got caught.
Ana and minors.
This is the part that made me decide I needed to post this.
Someone sent Ana an anonymous ask saying: "Am I allowed to join in on the flirting if I'm 16?" Her response: "YUHP!! Just clarify that at first and make sure it's nothing tooooo suggestive, ur still underage! however in some countries that's legal, and I don't mind harmless stuff."
When someone called her out for flirting with a minor while being almost 21, she defended herself by saying she's only ever said things like "IMMA KISS YOU" and "I WANNA CUDDLE" and that those are platonic. The tag's on the post don't help the accusations.
On her recently deactivated vent account, she interacted with an anonymous person who said they were 15. Ana's response? She doesn't mind.
She doesn't fucking mind that a 15-year-old is looking at a vent blog that talks about serious topics, including self-harm.
When she started getting called out for this, she posted: "no becuz why am i getting pedo allegations" with tags about how she's just showing "platonic affection."
Ana is nearing 21, and she posts content not safe for minors while actively seeking new mutuals with anyone of any age (unless they're under 11, because that's her minimum apparently).
Why am I posting this?? It's a community concern.
Because Ana is an extrovert. She's outgoing and chatty, and she comes across as friendly and fun at first. She reaches out to people in the Genshin writing community, and if you're new to the community or shy, that attention feels good. That's exactly why it's dangerous.
The people who chose to interact with her deserve to know that the person behind the friendly posts has a vent account where she wishes death on her once closest friends. That she sent her own ex-best friend anonymous hate and then pretended to protect her from it. That she tells minors she doesn't care about their age.
I also want to make something very clear: Lilac and Karma are the victims in this situation. Both of them are people Ana called her best friends, while privately writing about wanting them dead. Lilac was harassed by Ana's alt account. Both of them were targeted on the vent account. They've already dealt with enough, leave them alone.
If Ana wants to respond to this publicly, she's welcome to.
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While re-reading the Tapas version, I'm reminded of all the small mentions of Lari regarding marriage.
Even with the topic of "marriage", Lari's views go a drastic change throughout the series.
In the YM world, it's a very traditional, patriarchal, misogynist world.
Women have no rights and are treated as property of either the father, brother (if she is unmarried) or the husband. They are not allowed higher education, and their only use is to look pretty as the lady of the home. All the decision making goes to the men. ALL the women in the series suffer some sort of sexist discrimination.
Amanda Belois - Has no say in House Belois decisions (eventually leaves the Count)
Riche/Tris Gorten - married off to unhappy marriage
Amelia Belois - tried to marry into power, died for her ambitions
Eva - became a slave to the Emperor
In TL1, Lari was any normal noble girl. She loved reading poetry and romantic stories, and dreamed of a marriage of happiness and love. However, she knew that such stories were unrealistic; as a noble she would have to marry for the prestige and prosperity of the House.
However, even that bare minimum wasn't fulfilled: unbeknownst to her, she was the hidden Princess of the former Emperor, and was intentionally hidden away in the Southern Territory of the Belois manor. Count Belois intentionally blocked ANY suitors from approaching her. After she turned 15, she awaited letters from suitors but they never came. She was upset that Lehan was getting PLENTY of letters when he turned 15, and at age 18, she all had lost hope.
At age 16/17, House Belois intentionally sabotaged her with a pathetic debutante to ensure no one would be interested in her. no one in the Belois manor wanted to help her with it, so she sought the help of Amelia Belois who also gave the bare minimum - as a result, Lari was shunned, mocked, ridiculed for being so plain at the most important event of her life thus far. Recall, the debunte ball is the event to introduce a young lady into society as a new young adult - but she received no attention at all. She only got the courtesy greeting from Rupert, who only cared about her as a "Belois" and not as "Lari".
By the time she was 18, she lost all hope of ANY romance. After YEARS of mulling it over, she concluded she had a terrible personality, she was plain and unremarkable, and no one would ever want her. She had held hoped at age 16 that even if she was deficient, then some other noble would want her - but guess not.
Lari NEVER imagined that her own family was sabotaging her self esteem, because they had planned for her to marry her own BROTHER of all people. They never considered her their own daughter, just "someone who would become their daughter in law in the future." She may have learned perfect etiquette and all the skills required for a noble lady, but what was the point if she never married?
In the beginning, Lari pretends to not be bothered by the prospects of marriage - as she gave up already a long time ago - but she is still very much bothered by the concept. She often reminds herself she doesn't want it, doesn't need it, and unfortunately for Rupert, Lari is coping HARD regarding marriage.
At the end of the Belois vacation arc, she mentions again that she hopes for a marriage of love; but he reminds her how unrealistic it is, and she agrees. It's a nice thought, but utterly unrealistic and she knows that very well.
Years later, Lari's view on love literally breaks her: the 17yo Lari of TL2 is utterly uncapable of accepting Rupert's feelings. She spent almost 8 total years convincing herself no one will ever love her, no one wants her, no one wants her in their future, Rupert, the cold-hearted murderer would NEVER consider her a partner... yet here he is telling her point blank he loves her.
Throughout the series, Lari isn't an idiot, she notices his feelings, but she is in HARDCORE DENIAL about it. She makes every excuse under the sun to convince herself he doesn't like her in that way, that it's just because he's a nice, considerate guy.
Some readers may say it's because Lari's a cruel person, but I see it differently: Lari is so utterly broken and traumatized from the past, to her, the idea that "no one will love her" is her [truth].
To protect herself and her [truth], she pretended not to know, because she couldn't accept Rupert's feelings. She can't cope with it. For someone to be alone this whole time, to suddenly have someone tell her they loved her so much? it's too much for her. She can't suddenly undo 8 years of a belief just like that.
It takes her over a year during the separation, and a few months after they reunite, but eventually through patience and positive encouragement, Rupert does manage to change her thinking, and Lari does understand she's a person who is worthy of someone's love, someone does want to marry her and be with her forever, someone wants to protect and care for her.. :)
The look of "F u c k" on her face is honestly both funny and sad. Funny because I just find it so. Sad because she's so unsure of how she should go about telling him of her pregnancy.
Especially after the man said "I hate kids, they're noisy"
I love how... Quickly he folded once he acknowledged and accepted his feelings for her. I also like how he cried about her failed suicide attempt, her tearing herself away from him because had she stayed, it would have only dragged the both of them down. Especially her. Because of her state of mind.
And I also like how she was indecisive about her own feelings towards him for a while. While it's true [he's] not the one who killed her family, he still did the first timeline. That's not something that's going to leave her mind anytime soon, and it only makes sense she would be nervous when he finally became emperor.
Because he was emperor when he executed her entire family AND her in the 1st tl. How would she not get flashbacks?
I would be the same.
I like how she was unable to actually let go of her family name, even her father, until she finally snapped and only then did she realize, there was no hope for him.
Why should she care about him as a daughter when he never considered himself as her father?
The part when she finally told Rupert to do what he must, that he shouldn't worry about her when he finally imprisoned her dad.
But. I am. Confused.
Didn't he care about her in the beginning? Idk, maybe my reading compensation is ass.
I think Eva should be held accountable for what she did to Tori. In the comment section of this website, no one really did that.
But. At the same time, her entire existence was just.... She didn't deserve that. She deserved so much better... I'm sorry Eva...
At least Tori got a happy ending.
I haven't read the novel, but in the manhwa I wish Rupert cried while apologizing for what he did in tl 1. On the verge of a break down.
But that doesn't mean I dislike how it went in the manhwa.
Anyway, do you guys have any recommendations for any webtoons similar to this?
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