haha snaa go brrr

kuroe being the example for iroha to learn from here is like

i just hate the trope of a character who struggles with helplessness and worthlessness and imposter syndrome... being given impact and helpfulness AFTER they choose to die?

as a real person who has been struggling with helplessness and worthlessness and imposter syndrome, just, you know

“kuroe died as a stepping stone for someone else to accept themselves”

don’t like that!

in the game, the doppel system is hinted to have less-than-good consequences but doesn’t really deliver on it. but it gives these girls, who have been taken advantage of by the incubators and their magical girl system, a chance to face their emotions without it literally ending them. and because it doesn’t end them, they get a chance to connect to other girls who are in the same situation as them, who can understand them in ways that other people in their lives can’t. it gives them a shot at finding community and a support structure

(the magius also take advantage of this. all the typical cult shit goes here, and that’s why it was so appealing to so many girls: it gave them something resembling a community even if they typically knew, or learned fast, that it was fucked up)

in the anime, the doppel system has very distinct less-than-good consequences and they deliver on it. it takes the hints tucked away in the corners of the game lore and went, “what if we did more with this?” which is a classic cornerstone of puella spin-offs. every spin-off does this -- it takes an aspect of the setting and asks, “what if we did more with this?”

the anime asked, “what is the cost to the girls themselves?” which is an understandable, and i think, reasonable lore question to ask

but the anime’s answer was something that ultimately robbed the girls of the opportunities it gives them in the game. and it doesn’t... give them anything in return? it gives them more time, which touka argues is a good thing, and she speaks from the perspective of a little kid who was told she wouldn’t have much time to exist. but it still paints the feathers in particular into a horrible corner, one where their extra time... doesn’t feel like it mattered? as epitomized by kuroe

i’ll admit i have a particular weak spot for the characters who are insecure, indecisive, and trend towards being paralyzed into inaction. the ones that people like to say don’t do anything, the ones that look especially cowardly and weak. (i also have a weak spot for the “bland” and mild and ignorable personality types, like iroha.) so it’s not really a surprise that i was rooting for a satisfying narrative for kuroe -- a happy ending would’ve been nice, but i didn’t necessarily expect one. i just wanted something satisfying

kuroe’s choice, in the end, was to stop existing

she wasn’t trying to break alina’s barrier to help anyone. it’s questionable how much she even knew about it. but she didn’t want to exist as she was any more, and she took the only avenue she could think of. this, after ui told iroha she needed to save kuroe, like... she chose not to be saved. she couldn’t see another way out. she couldn’t see a way to change herself. she didn’t want to be a burden to anyone, and she didn’t want to feel more pathetic by being saved. she didn’t want to exist as a failure

i keep thinking, and thinking, and thinking about what kuroe’s narrative is supposed to be here. what we’re supposed to take from this. and i keep thinking about how she had been painted into a corner, and iroha was trying to give her a hand up, but iroha is one person. one person isn’t always enough, and in particular, kuroe kept comparing herself to iroha and demonizing herself for failing to match up to her

visually, there are some parallels to akumura, but really, i think kuroe is supposed to parallel sayaka. a tragic loss that serves as a catalyst. but i can’t shake the feeling that where sayaka’s loss matters narratively, i can’t figure out why kuroe’s loss matters narratively. what does it add to the story aside from shock value? her grief seed isn’t even necessary to the magical girl spirit bomb. iroha added it to make her death matter, but how much of a difference did it really make?

you can’t save everyone, sure. and kuroe’s screentime could have been put to better use on other characters, i don’t think i can argue that at this point, which feels like an extra slap to the face. and sometimes death is meaningless and that is the point of it, like with ryo in arc 2