and its been like 5 years

like sometimes u do just have to make urself miserable over mcrp from 5 years ago and that's fine

the older I get the more I think that 24 is very young to be married. and 24 is very young to be trapped in something that will haunt you for the rest of your career regardless of whether you embrace it or try to move past it

like does it bother him? has it, at any point? when combing through your footage and editing out the more overt examples of him flirting with you—the date he took you on, the flowers he’s given you, the saying he loves you—did you ever think about it? is it unreasonable, to resent one of your closest friends, for dragging you into something that will have hordes of children spamming your chat with ship names and inside jokes whenever the two of you interact in public, even five years after you said it was over, five years after you ended it? well, ended it the first time; you’re married again. your choice, this time. your choice, to say he should abandon his boyfriend and come hang out with you, to say he should be kissing you instead (later, later), to put on the exaggerated youtuber voice and say he’s yours now. and hasn’t he always been? you were there first. you play into it. it’s a joke; you like the attention. the accounts that tag you in fanart of your characters and his. the cosplayers who kiss in front of you. the constant reminders. it’s defined your career. is it unfair, to resent something that afforded you so many opportunities and helped grow your audience? you can’t put a monetary value on friendship but there’s no denying the way he treated you has been financially beneficial for you both. you were 24 when he decided you were married. do you remember you started it? you’re friends. and he’s always been more popular than you. what was it he said in that escape room video—you’re going to keep doing this for the rest of your lives? and you agreed with him, of course. yes and. just say yes. did you want to say no? could you say no, if you wanted? would he listen to you?