Fucking shit may as well call this my diary. Feels refreshing to rant somewhere and have no one read it. Have been hating my guts so much the past few days it's driving me insane. Did my face always look that deformed ? Whenever I look in the mirror I still see my 4th grade self and honestly it makes me shiver whole bodily. I'm supposed to look like a beautiful young woman and not some goblin crawling out of its cave. The fact on how much I gained weight too, I can see my body changing looking all puffy and round on every edge and honestly it's so embarrassing. I don't even feel like wearing short clothes anymore, especially since I saw a picture of my legs who look like chubby cellulite legs from a 50 year old. Fucking hell aren't I supposed to look like the beginning of 20? What also has been driving me insane is the hell of my voice. I speak too loud, too much, I pronounce words weirdly and I cut people off to the point it gets embarrassing. Don't get me wrong, people have been pointing it out. But I just somehow don't notice how I speak too loud, it's embarrassing I wish I could speak more quietly. I have been noticing my cutting off and I will try to talk less, I don't want to be the annoying friend. What if people already talk behind my back? I'm so scared of that. I feel like my new friend group will gossip about me. That I acted weird the last time. I want to change. I want to stop being myself. I need to change. I can't do this anymore. If I'm not a new person by the end of this year then I don't know anymore.
theartofmadeline
areudirty
blakekathryn
