♡

Ya know I don't particularly talk about how depressed I really am because it just brings people's mood down and there's nothing anyone can do to fix it. Rather than allowing people to pity me, I pretend I'm okay with everything when in truth I'm not okay at all. I'm depressed to the point where if something were to happen to me I'd be completely okay with it, though, I'm too much of a pussy to do anything about it on my own. I think about jumping in front of a car a lot. I don't really care. I have anxiety because I think too much about something that doesn't require much thought to it. Evidently leading to a nonexistent, twisted conclusion to be created. Today I had argued with my mom about issues that could have been and should have been resolved but they aren't. As a person that likes to think more to it, I did just that and it distracted me of doing my job. I didn't ask the customer for their reward card and he yelled at me like I offended his mother, his children, and his entire being of existence. I was okay. I told him I'm sorry and was about to call for a manager but then... I felt it. That constriction in my chest that flows up to my throat restraining my flow of breath. Numbness that tingles in my cheeks limiting the sensation of the tears that are running down them. Being in a distorted perception that makes me feel that it isn't me that's having this attack but it is. Almost like I'm in a third person omniscient point of view. Fuck you, that was only 12 points you missed out on. Congrats on being the biggest asshole.