ā hello! iāve compiled my ultimate favourite fics in this post to show appreciation to these wonderful writers for writing wonderful works! i know thereās a lack of variety with the members but i tend to just read ones of my biases :)
choi seungcheol
tomorrow tonight by cheolbooluvr (oneshot)
yoon jeonghan
pathetic by leejihoonownsmyheart (series 18+)
what kind of future by boowanie (oneshot)
pacman by viastro (oneshot)
angel by februaryflowers (oneshot)
drunken confession by wonwoonlight (oneshot)
illicit affairs by solarwonux (oneshot 18+)
we get along infamously by seungkwansphd (series)
of rainy nights and roses by chenfleur (oneshot)
worst neighbour ever (or is he?) by amateurasterism (oneshot)
twenty two days before we go out separate ways (twenty two days of not falling for you) by kwallanghae (oneshot)
holidate by onlymingyus (oneshot 18+)
joshua hong
on a thread by just-some-random-blogger (oneshot)
jeon wonwoo
not so cold hearted by mywonuderful (series)
nothing by bbugyu (oneshot)
love by shuajeong (oneshot)
game boi by sunflowergyeomie (oneshot 18+)
7:04 am by 3raaaachachacha (oneshot 18+)
i found love in your smile by wonlouvre (series)
all my love by wonlouvrle (series)
momentum by wonlouvre (series)
with wonwoo by wonlouvre (oneshot)
to my youth by viastro (smau)
in the spring by viastro (oneshot)
love in the rain by viastro (oneshot)
hi, wonwoo by wonwoonlight (oneshot)
sleep on the floor by beenbaanbuun (oneshot)
sabotaged by wonuism (oneshot)
knock on your door by 97-liners (oneshot)
everything i didnāt say by tonicandjins (oneshot)
right where you left me by tonicanjins (oneshot 18+)
pomegranates by idyllic-ghost (oneshot)
in front of me by wonustars (oneshot 18+)
lee dokyeom
show and tell by onlyseokmins (oneshot 18+)
kim mingyu
my daisy by wonwoonlight (series)
from winter to spring by viastro & sunlightwoo (series)
baby all i want is your attention by viastro (oneshot)
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ā¹ summary: jeon wonwoo has spent most of his adolesence and early adult hood unable to understand why he can't seem to stay in a relationship for more than a few months. as his best friend, you allowed him to vent about his worries without judgment. so what if you're in love with him? your friendship with wonwoo meant more to you than having your feelings reciprocated. that is until you hit your breaking point, while wonwoo finally realizes what has been in front of him this whole time.
ā¹ tags: non-idol!au, uni!au, unrequited love (for the most part), pining, toxic!wonwoo, toxic!reader, both in wonwoo and readers pov, questionable protagonists, mentions of other svt members, happy ending (?), emotionally constipated characters (wonwoo), flashbacks, slight seokmin x reader, a lot of emotions thrown everywhere. (content warnings under the cut)
ā¹ note: this story was meant to be posted for wonwoos bday, but if you know anything about me by now, i never really stick to my self made deadlines lol. thank you to my cutieful, big brained beta readers:
ā” @junkissed @chocosvt and @sunniques ā” everyone in @svthub and @highvern and @gyuswhore who helped me w this fic as well ! if u look closely this is pretty much just a sugar coated version of real life events lol... anyways i hope u enjoy and lmk what u think thru the replies and reblogs :) !
ā¹ masterlist, fic playlist.
ā¹ smut tags: no smut in this part :p
ā¹ warnings: alcohol, reader is downbad for wonwoo, stalking, slut-shaming, evasions of privacy, if i missed anything lmk! cuz ik i did i just can't think of what hehe :p
ā¹ what i would like to note about this story before you read it: you're not meant to like these characters (for most of the story at least lol), they are flawed in many ways, thats the whole point of this story tbh. tmi--but this story is pretty much my free therapy lol. and i love a messy plot! wonwoo and reader are just two normal people in this story and i wanted to write something a little more raw than i'm used to. so just take what i say with a grain of salt before reading ā” i still want you to enjoy this story because i poured my soul into it. so thank you for your support and kind asks and comments about the teaser!
prologue.Ā
Despite your age, youāve never been in a serious relationship. There was always something holding you back, or rather, someone.Ā
In all the years youāve known Wonwoo, youāve always thought maybe one day, he would look at you in a different light. Hoping that he could reciprocate the feelings youāve harboured for him since the eleventh grade.Ā
He was the one who constantly moved out of relationships. You couldnāt even count the amount of late-night calls where he asked you what his ānext stepā should be. The doting best friend that you are, youād gladly stay up all night trying to help him fix his girl problems.Ā
āI just, I donāt have feelings for her anymore. Is that wrong?ā he asked you over the phone.Ā
Tossing and turning in your bed you let out a deep sigh. One thing is always guaranteed with Wonwoo: in a relationship, he loses feelings quickly. No matter how much he likes the girl, no matter how obsessed or possessive he feels for them at the beginning of it all, it diminishes by the time the six-month mark hits.Ā
Although he may be a great friend to you, relationships were never his strong suit.Ā
āItās not wrong to fall out of love, but how many times are you going to break up with someone before you decide to stay?ā you ask him, and he pauses to think.Ā
āI donāt know, but I canāt stay, that would make things worse,ā he sighs. āItās better to just stop this whole thing now.āĀ
āI agree, but are you sure?ā you continue to ask him the same questions youāve been asking since you were sixteen.Ā
āIām sure,ā he replies with a heavy sigh.Ā
āOkay, then goodnight. Itās almost one in the morning,ā you try to cut the call, but he continues to speak.Ā
āIām not the bad guy, right?ā he asks you for reassurance.Ā
āNo, youāre just human Wonwoo. Thereās nothing wrong with losing feelings for someone,ā you affirmed.Ā
āAlright, thank you, good night and sweet dreams,ā he whispers listlessly.Ā
āGood night, Wonwoo.āĀ
Your phone beeps indicating that heās hung up and you can feel the heartstrings pull inside your chest. How many times will it take for Wonwoo to find someone he actually wants to be with? And why is it never you?Ā
act one, favorite crime.
chapter one.Ā
āWait, what? You and Wonwoo arenāt dating?ā Seungcheol asks you, forcing you into the hot seat.Ā
The rest of your friend group is boring holes into your face as they all sit around Jeonghanās living room. The blood rises in your cheeks, but you shake your head anyway.Ā
It feels like every time youāre with your friends, they ask you the same set of questions. Constantly wondering why you and Wonwoo havenāt thought about dating, or why you two havenāt decided to take the chance and just be together.Ā
āYou guys need to stop asking that. A guy can befriend someone of the opposite gender,ā Wonwoo defends the two of you.Ā
āYouāre telling me in all the years youāve known her, you havenāt developed feelings for her once?ā Cheol continues to instigate, and your eyes go wide.Ā
Looking over at Wonwoo, you anxiously wait for his answer, your chest blooming with hope, only for those buds to be washed away in a millisecond.Ā
āNo, cāmon, weāre just friends. Thatās it, right?ā Wonwoo turns to you, trying to get you to back him up.Ā
Your mouth runs dry as he stares at you, his eyebrows rising in anticipation.Ā
āU-uh yeah, Wonwooās right, weāre just friends,ā you blurt out, not being able to handle all the expectant eyes on you all at once.Ā
āSee? Now can you all just get off our backs?ā he chastises.Ā
The chatter starts up again, moving past the topic of you and Wonwooās friendship. But you sit there, with your heart crushed in your hands, lifeless and shrivelled. Like his words and actions had the power to tear the life out of you. The worst part was that he did all this without knowing. Heās completely oblivious to your feelings, and you only have yourself to blame.
You understand your relationship with Wonwoo is different from most peopleās, but at the same time, it should be normal for a girl and a guy to just be friends. And at least you respect Wonwooās feelings, and you also respect that whenever heās dating someone the dynamic between you two shifts.Ā
He becomes more detached when heās in a relationship, and youāre okay with that. His priorities change and youāre okay with that. Despite your feelings for him, you know that you canāt force him to feel the same way. And you should be okay with that.Ā
Youāve never tried to get in the way of his love life, or purposefully give him bad advice to ruin what he has with someone else. Not since you were seventeen, and at that time in your life your frontal lobe was a measly speck of dust, but it's different now. Now, your morals donāt change just because you love him, but that doesnāt mean it doesnāt hurt any less to see the person youāre in love with, fall in love with someone else.Ā
two.Ā
āHey, you okay?ā Seokmin approaches you, and you turn your head, acknowledging his presence.Ā
āHuh? Yeah, Iām alright,ā you mutter, but you know you donāt look that way.Ā
Seokmin has known you since high school and has seen you through everything, probably more than Wonwoo. He knows when youāre not feeling well. A sympathetic permanent on his lips as he continues to observe you play with the food on your plate, pushing around the food aimlessly but never taking a bite.Ā
The sounds of people conversing throughout the dining hall never die down. But luckily, the commotion keeps your thoughts of Wonwoo at bay, or at least thatās what you like to think. But your heart canāt seem to let go of that moment from the other day. Having Seungcheol confirm that Wonwoo has never felt anything romantically for you was like a stab in the stomach, and him getting you to back up his words was just him twisting the knife.Ā
āWhatās the matter, sweetheart? You can tell me,ā he sighs, pushing the hair covering your face and placing it behind your ear.Ā
You can feel the tears start to pool, but you try your damndest not to let them spillānot like this, not in front of so many people.Ā
āIt was just something Wonwoo said when we were all at Hannieās house,ā you mumble, refusing to make eye contact with your friend.Ā
āWhat did he say?āĀ
āThat heās never liked me before,ā you sigh, feeling a tear slip from your eye.Ā
Cursing yourself in your head, you hate how much your feelings for him affect you. You hate how he doesnāt have to even be in front of you, yet he can still cause your emotions to fluctuate.Ā
āItās alright,ā he coos, pulling you into his strong arms.Ā
It felt weird, to hug Seokmin so tightly in the middle of your universityās dining hall. But youāre thankful for how aware he is, how he actually cares about your feelings. You felt melodramatic sitting there crying in the fucking dining hall of all places, but you couldnāt help but let your tears flow as Seokmin comforts you with his soft voice.Ā
āYou deserve more than this, I hope you know that,ā he whispers in your ear.
three.Ā
Over the next few days, the words Seokmin had whispered to you kept replaying in your head. You did deserve better and looking at all of Wonwooās past relationships is the perfect example. Heās not exactly the ideal boyfriend, so why did you even have feelings for him in the first place?
You could feel a migraine coming on from how hard you were thinking, but Wonwoo still seems to be the only person you canāt let go of. No matter how many times youāve tried.Ā
A knock on your door brings you out of your thoughts. It was late, and you donāt remember anyone messaging you saying that they were going to come over, but you open the door anyway.Ā
āHey, sorry I didnāt text,ā Wonwoo moves past you, takes his shoes off, and plops on your couch.Ā
āItās okay, whatās up?ā you move to sit beside him.Ā
āI broke up with her,ā He says, shrugging.Ā
Taken aback by his nonchalance, your eyes widen. He seems calm for someone who has just broken up with his girlfriend. But you try not to think too hard about it, or you might just have to take another Advil to remedy your already growing headache.Ā
āWell, how did it go?ā you ask with a bit of apprehension.Ā
Knowing Wonwoo, you knew that he probably just dumped her over the phone or something. Heās never been bothered to really break up with someone.Ā
You have all these examples of why he would probably be the worst boyfriend ever, yet your heart still belongs to him. Itās pitiful, to say the least, people probably would think that youāre a masochist because you subject yourself to staying by his side when he has feelings for another.Ā
āShe was crying, but at least itās over now,ā Wonwoo informs you as he eats the snacks you had left on your coffee table.Ā
āOh.ā You could feel the guilt start to seep into your veins.Ā
It never felt good to hear Wonwoo talk about his breakups, but youāre not sure how to react. Thereās a part of you thatās happy to know that heās single again, but the majority of you pities the girl who had just gotten her heart broken.Ā
Wonwoo continues to munch on the snacks left on your table while your mind tries to process the information youāve been given. Hearing him talk so casually about his breakup leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, but you decide to switch topics instead of asking any more questions.Ā
āAre you still going to Seokminās thing this weekend, though?ā you ask him, trying to fill the air with something to drown out your rapid heartbeats.Ā
He shrugs his shoulders, āIf I feel like it. Are you?āĀ
The bottom of your stomach tightens. You were hoping that he would go, even looking forward to it. Is that pathetic? To want to see him everywhere you go? Maybe you were pathetic to the point where you only felt like hanging out with your friends if he was there.Ā
āI mean, I donāt have a ride soā¦ā you trail off, pretending to pay attention to whatever was playing on the T.V. screen.Ā
āIāll go since youāre going, that way you have a ride,ā he mumbles, adjusting his posture to lean back on your couch.Ā
He sighs as he sinks into the plush cushions, spreading his legs while he puts his arms up. Youāre very aware of his proximity, and you try not to let it show. But the smell of his cologne invades your senses, knocking the breath out of your chest.Ā
Wonwooās arm circles your shoulder, pulling you closer to him and forcing your head to rest delicately on his broad shoulder. Exhaling, you let yourself enjoy his way of showing affection. Although to him it means nothing, and to you, quite literally everything.Ā
āThank you for agreeing to go to Seokminās so I have a ride,ā you whisper but still avoid eye contact so he doesnāt notice your flustered expression.Ā
āThank you for letting me barge in here just so I can talk about my breakup,ā he whispers back, kissing the top of your head.Ā
āOf course, what are best friends for?āĀ
four.Ā
Most people fall in love gradually, slowly growing feelings for the person before they can even call it love. Like the way the seasons steadily turned from winter to spring. Green grass peeking from underneath the melting snow, or flowers gently blooming and unravelling their new set of stems and petals. For you, it was different.
Ā Falling in love with Wonwoo wasnāt gradual at all.Ā
If anything, falling in love with Wonwoo felt like a snowstorm in the middle of a sunny day. Your affection for him grew rapidly, and before you knew it, your mind was clouded with him and him only. It became hard to stay rational as if you were driving down a snow-filled road without any control over the steering wheel. Swerving into different lanes, your brakes malfunction, making it hard to bring your car to a full stop. Falling in love with Wonwoo was not gradual or easy.
You were like two peas in a pod that whole year, and the only time you and Wonwoo spent time apart was when he had to leave during summer break to visit family in Korea.Ā
When he returned for your senior year, you could barely recognize him. Suddenly the nerdy Wonwoo you knew was gone. His glasses complimented his face, his hair was styled differently, and most of all, he got hot. A lot of your classmates mustāve seemed to agree because now your best friend and the man youāre in love with gained attention from people who didnāt even bat an eyelash at him last year.Ā
It annoyed you to see all these people suddenly interested in him. You were angry that just because he grew a few inches and learned to do his hair didnāt mean he was that much different from how he was last year.Ā
Even though Wonwoo was in a relationship, he still stayed true to your friendship. He still hung out with you, ate lunch with you, you even came over on weekends to have dinner with his family. Day by day, your love for him strengthened, and you ignored that his attention had been divided between you and his girlfriend at the time.Ā
When their relationship hit three months, it seemed your friendship had come to an abrupt halt. He didnāt invite you for dinner as often, you two didnāt talk on the phone every other night. He started to invest more of his time into her until he decided she wasnāt worth his energy anymore. Then the calls would come, his contact name flashing across your phone screen to ask you for advice.Ā
āI feel like I need to break up with Haein,ā his deep voice flowed through your phone speaker. A sigh left his lips as he faced the truth.Ā
Haein was Wonwooās first girlfriend. She was nice, almost too nice. Wonwoo definitely had a type for girls with a bubbly personality. Ones that were effortlessly beautiful, reminiscent of a freshly made porcelain doll. That was Haein to you, unblemished in every way possible. Everything that you werenāt.
You couldnāt bring yourself to hate her. She was too nice to hate, but your younger self was so angry at how much of Wonwoo's time she took up that you envied her. Seokmin once jokingly mentioned that you looked especially green when she was around, and you remember how quickly you checked your appearance on the nearest reflective surface because of what he had said in passing. You remember vividly how nervous his words made you, was it that obvious?
Wonwooās first time calling you about his breakup plans was a delightful surprise, and you were too in shock to sputter out a proper response.
āOh. Why?ā was all you could say, still stunned that after a week of no contact, this was the first thing he said.Ā
āāDunno, I just donāt like her anymore,ā he admitted effortlessly.Ā
You didnāt know how to respond. Your heart was screaming at you to encourage him to break up with his girlfriend at the time, while your brain was telling you to think logically.Ā
āWell, if thatās what you think is right,ā you mumbled, trying to hide the fact that you felt a sense of relief at Wonwoo potentially being single again.Ā
Others may have tried to rationalize with Wonwoo, but you didnāt care. You wanted your friendship with him to turn back to normal. Your adolescent brain ignored that it was wrong to encourage him, as long as he was fully yours again.
History repeated itself over and over, and the older you got, you learnt to not be so selfish with his attention. Mostly out of guilt for the person he was going to break up with, but also because you didnāt want Wonwoo to realize your true feelings.Ā
Although being in love with Wonwoo was brutal, you constantly wished that things were different between you two, but they werenāt. Heās never seen you as more than a friend, and as your friendship with him progressed, you had begun to learn to mask your romantic feelings for platonic ones.Ā
five.Ā
By the time you entered university, you had mastered the art of pretending. As if your feelings for Wonwoo didnāt exist. You are quite meticulous in ensuring that he never realizes that you are profoundly in love with him. The mere thought of him finding out how you truly felt frightened you.Ā
Youāve already envisioned countless scenarios on how it could go. The idea of being rejected by the one you love most. It would change everything about your friendship with him.Ā The look of pity in his eyes, the apologies that would spill out of his mouth. You can't bear even the thought of rejection. Not from him.Ā
Two voices are constantly at war inside your mind. Your brain, acting as the voice of reason, constantly reminds you that itās better to preserve your friendship. To keep the dynamic youāve always had with Wonwoo guarded where it could last, thrive. While your heart persuaded you with deluded, fake scenarios.Ā
āWhat if he likes you back?āĀ
āYou never know until you try.āĀ
āTake the risk or lose the chance.āĀ
What if.Ā
Like a siren to a sailor, your heart sang with deep imagery. Filling your thoughts with illusions of you and Wonwoo finally together. But your mind doesnāt let you go without a fight. It knows that beyond the deep waters where your siren-voiced heart lies is nothing but a bottomless pit.Ā
The possibilities are endless, and youād rather stay safely grounded in your boat of rationality.Ā
A notification brings you out of your thoughts. Although you already knew that it was Wonwoo, you scramble to pick up your phone. Thereās excitement laced in your veins as you look down at the screen.Ā
7:06 p.m.
[wons <3]: be there in 5.Ā
There was no reason for you to be so ecstatic but you couldnāt help it. He had already texted you prior, notifying you that he was leaving his place to come pick you up, and yet every time your phone buzzes, you still hope that itās something completely different. But that was your heart talking; you knew that it wouldnāt be anything out of the ordinary.Ā
Everyone had planned to meet at Seokminās place today, just to have one last celebration before midterms began again. You had happily agreed, enthusiastic that you could spend more time with Wonwoo, although it wouldnāt be a one-on-one thing. You were more than elated to see him while also being able to hang out with the rest of your friends.Ā
Throwing your phone back on the bed, you change into an outfit that is both cute and comfortable. There wasnāt a reason to dress up when the vibe at Seokminās was just going to be sitting around his living room, drinking cocktails and eating pizza.Ā
Wonwoo texts you once more to let you know heās outside, causing you to race down to meet him. A lump in your throat arises, as he comes into your field of vision, appreciating how breathtakingly handsome he is.Ā
The chilled breeze brushes through the strands of his hair, glasses perched on his tall nose. He looked amazing, just like he always had, but you never get bored of admiring him. Even if itās just from afar.Ā
āHi! Sorry if I kept you waiting,ā your voice resounds into the night.Ā
āIt's never a problem if itās you,ā he chuckles as you dawdle over to the passenger side of his car.Ā
Trying not to read too deep into his words, you snort at his cheesy line instead of giving a response. Watching Wonwoo move to the side as he opens the car door for you. His actions make you blush, and you know youāll think about it for the rest of the night.Ā
āAre you ready to go?ā he asks, smiling at you.Ā
The ride to Seokminās house is fairly quiet, the sounds of music filling the silence instead. Your thoughts are overflowing with scenarios once again, wondering how different the car ride would be if you and Wonwoo were in a relationship. His fingers would probably be laced with yours, or rubbing soothingly against your thigh while his other hand gripped the steering wheel. Planting kisses on your cheeks at every red light. It seemed like heaven on the other side. But you knew reality would crush your delusions soon enough.Ā
ā¦
Ā The clock on Seokminās pale white wall is nearing midnight and you donāt want to be here anymore. Not when the only thing you could focus on was Wonwoo flirting with a girl whose name you didnāt catch. Sheās Joshuaās childhood friend and he only brought her along because sheās visiting from out of town. Whoever she was, it didnāt matter. The only thing that mattered to you was the fact that she was able to bring out Wonwooās deep laugh. The kind of laugh that only befalls upon your ears when he finds something genuinely funny.
The ugly swirl of jealousy sits in the pit of your stomach and you couldn't help but scoff at your wretched situation. It made you sick watching them, and you could throw up any minute now. At this point, you werenāt sure who to envy, Wonwoo or the girl he was flirting with. You find it unfair that he doesnāt realize how greatly he can impact your feelings.Ā
Just a few hours ago, you were in utter bliss. Sitting in the front seat of his car, listening to the music softly playing on the ride to Seokminās apartment. Making stupid jokes and pointing out the random sights that you had seen while driving down the bustling city streets. You envy how easy it is for Wonwoo to make all those feelings of delight vanish. And he doesnāt even know. He doesnāt know what heās doing to you, and thatās what hurts the most.Ā
āYou doing okay?ā Seokmin comes up to you, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder, squeezing it affectionately.Ā
āHuh? Oh. Yeah Iām okay,ā you chuckle, but thereās nothing humorous about your laugh at all.Ā
His eyes soften, he knows that youāre not okay. Seokmin always knew. After all these years, he can tell when youāre trying to save face. Thereās a lump in your throat, and if you didnāt have a drink to sip on to distract you, you probably wouldāve gone to the bathroom to cry.Ā
āYou wanna talk in my room?ā he offers, and youāre grateful.Ā
Seokmin knew he had to get you somewhere other than the living room. You were practically torturing yourself, sitting on the couch and watching Wonwoo talk to everyone but you.Ā
Instead of agreeing vocally, you nod your head before standing up to follow Seokmin to his room. The door shuts softly, muffling the sounds of laughter and allowing your uneasiness to finally subside.Ā
As you sit on Seokminās bed, you feel the tears starting to trickle down your cheeks. It feels pathetic, crying over something so trivial. Why does it have to be you who feels this way? Why canāt you just be a normal friend and see Wonwoo in a platonic light? The whole world could turn upside and heād be the first person you search for.Ā
Everything just seemed so unfair, how could you possibly be happy if your feelings for Wonwoo were constantly in the way of it all? Itās tiring, worrying about him, yearning for him. You could do so many other things with your time, and when you look toward the future, you know that youāll regret how much of your life you wasted loving someone who doesnāt love you back.Ā
āItās okay, just let it out,ā Seokmin whispers in your ear, embracing you in a tight hug.Ā
Crying felt good. You rarely cry over your situation despite how upsetting it is. For the first time in a while, you allowed yourself to finally indulge in your sadness and let go of everything you were too afraid to say or feel.Ā Ā
āI know it sucks right now, but honestly, it might be time to get over him,ā Seokmin continues to comfort you while trying to help you face the reality of your situation. āYouāre so hurt, and itās taking a toll on you. Please, I canāt bear to see you so sad.āĀ
His words hit you hard because you know it's true. But all you can do is apologize. Saying sorry for feeling this way, even though itās not your fault, you cannot control your feelings, you still apologize. To Seokmin, to your friends, but also yourself.Ā
āI-Iām sorry,ā you hiccup, tears staining Seokminās white shirt.Ā
āWhy are you sorry? You did nothing wrong,ā he mutters, his large hand patting your head, trying to soothe your fit of emotions.Ā
āBecause, if I was normal, you wouldnāt have to worry about me, about why Iām always upset, you and the others, my feelings are burdening all of you,ā you continue to weep softly in his arms, gripping onto his shoulders as his hands encircle your waist.Ā
āHey, look at meāā he grabs your face, gentle as a mouse, rubbing away the tears from your cheeks. āYou are not a burden. We care, thatās why we worry, and I just want to be there for you.āĀ
āThank you, Seokmin. Iām so happy that I have someone like you in my life,ā you pull him into a hug again, knocking the air out of his chest, but heās still somehow able to hug you even tighter.Ā
Seokmin is like your favourite childhood blanket, keeping you warm and away from everything that could possibly hurt you. Heās always willing to hear you rant about things that you know you could never tell Wonwoo.Ā
āIām so tired, Iām tired of feeling like this,ā you admit to him.Ā
Running his hands through your hair, he gives you a reassuring smile.Ā
āMaybe itās time to distance yourself from him a bit, you two have been glued to the hip for so long. Maybe that distance can help organize your feelings better,ā he mutters, catching the stray tears that pool at your chin, and wiping them away for you.Ā
āI want to feel better,ā you agree with him, still trying to recover from how hard you were sobbing into his chest.Ā
āI care about you, okay? We all do. Wonwoo cares about you, too, but thereās a point where youāll have to be okay with whatever outcome happens if you decide to tell him how you feel. Or you just have to find a way to get over him,ā he speaks softly, trying not to crush your heart with reality, but you know heās right. āIn the Future, you will thank yourself for making whatever decision you have to make, but trust me, holding all these feelings in wonāt do you any good.ā He ends his pep talk there, and you sigh, trying to process everything he said.Ā
āThank you, Minnie, Iām so thankful I have you,ā you sniffled.Ā
āAnd I you.āĀ
ā¦
Seokmin explained to Soonyoung and Jihoon that you needed to go home after your talk in his bedroom. They were more than happy to take you along with them before heading back to their place, not wanting to force you into a car with Wonwoo at the end of the night.Ā
āOf course, itās really no trouble at all,ā Soonyoung reassures you after you had asked about a million times if it was okay to ride home with them.Ā
The car ride is drastically different from the one you had taken on the way to Seokminās, Soonyoung being the number one reason why. Heās not the best at reading the room, although Jihoon is constantly telling him to shut up. He knows you are upset over something, but Soonyoungās way of cheering you up is getting you to laugh. While Jihoon believed that you may want a more peaceful environment after everything that happened.Ā
As Jihoon drove, Soonyoung sang along with the lyrics of the current song playing. Loud enough for anyone outside the car to hear him. You could tell he was a bit tipsy after the few beers he had earlier, but you didnāt mind the noise. Jihoon begged to differ.Ā
āSoon, can you tone it down? Please. People are looking at us,ā Jihoon grumbles, trying to focus on the road ahead.Ā
āBut you love it when I sing,ā Soonyoung whines, and you canāt help but laugh.Ā
āI do, but our friend has had a long night,ā Jihoon counters.Ā
Soonyoung turns to face you from the passenger seat. āIf you want me to be quiet, I will.āĀ
āNo, itās okay, Iām actually enjoying it, thank you very much,ā you giggle, and that was all the confirmation he needed, going back to his antics.Ā
Jihoon groans as Soonyoung practically breaks out into full song and dance, causing you to sing along with him. This distraction from all the conflicting thoughts gives you a refuge from the war inside your mind.Ā Ā
The whole way back to your place was filled with singing and laughter, allowing you to finally feel at ease for once. Albeit Jihoon pretended to act annoyed the whole time, you knew he secretly loved how Soonyoung tried to bring the mood back up to help you.Ā
Once you got home, you thanked the two before bidding them farewell. Apprehension flowed throughout you, and you didn't want to be alone with your thoughts after being around someone as cheerful as Soonyoung. But you didnāt know where else to go or what else to do.
Laying in your bed, you think about how today went from beginning to end, and youāre scared of what will happen in the future. Sighing to yourself, you allow yourself to at least get some rest instead of staying up all night thinking about the possibilities of tomorrow. Turning your phone on "do not disturb," the stillness in your apartment lulls you to sleep.Ā
1:09 a.m.
[wons <3]: seokmin said u went home early? u ok?Ā
ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?
chapter one.Ā
Wonwooās ride home was sombre, yet desolate. Your absence from his passenger seat irked him. Street lights whisk by his vision in a blur, but heās too lost in his thoughts as he drives on autopilot, wondering why you went home so early. You didnāt even say goodbye. Itās the first time you went home from Seokminās place without him.Ā
By the time he got home, his curiosity had started to claw at him, but he didnāt want to be irrational and assume the worst. So he texted you, hoping that there would be an explanation awaiting him in the morning.Ā
Not a single notification from you came that very next morning. No matter how many times his phone went off, no matter how many notifications popped up from his screen. None of them were you. Morning turned to afternoon, and afternoon slowly turned into night. Still nothing.Ā
He feels dejected. Everything seemed to be going okay just last night. That was until you abruptly left without telling him you were going home. What changed? Why did it feel like there was a shift between you two?Ā
Rejection is foreign to Wonwoo. Most times, itās him thatās doing the rejecting. He was the one to always initiate the breakup and lose feelings first; every decision he made was made by him. He has no control over whether youāre going to text him back or not, and to put it simply, he canāt stand that feeling.Ā
Wonwoo hates not being in control. Whether that be his future, his relationships, and especially his feelings. At least thatās what he forces himself to believe. That itās not fair of you to ignore him when heās worried about you, because heās your best friend. You should answer him when he texts you. When he calls you, and especially when he shows up at your door, seeking your comfort. In his mind, that is what he believes the foundation of your friendship is. To comfort each other, just like it always has been.Ā
Sure, maybe Wonwoo is entitled, perhaps heās conceited and selfish, but he doesnāt care. Because in his mind, youāre his best friend. There was no way in hell that you were ignoring him. His ego doesnāt even consider it a possibility. You were busy, thatās it. That has to be it.Ā
ā¦Ā
Less than forty-eight hours in, Wonwoo couldnāt stop himself from texting you once more. Nimble fingers practically itching to open your contact to update you about the most mundane things. Maybe if he pretended that this moment of silence was perfectly normal, then maybe you would eventually end up answering him.Ā
12:36 p.m
[wons <3]: class just finished. lunch at our usual place?
Nothing. Not even a thumbās up reaction. Wonwoo had become antsy, guilt and slight annoyance gnawing at the pit of his stomach. Where the hell are you? What are you doing thatās so important that you couldnāt even open his message let alone read them?Ā
1:27 p.m.Ā
[wons <3]: this random girl asked for my number after class lol. weird right? i didnāt give it to her though š
Cursing at himself, he regrets pressing the send button on that text. Double texting you is already out of the norm for him, but triple texting? He canāt believe how desperate he looks right now. He wishes he could bring himself to unsend it, but he just hopes itāll be the text that finally gets you to respond.Ā
2:10 p.m.
[wons <3]: saw a bunny running thru the oval today u shouldāve seen it! reminded me of u.Ā
[1 photo attachment]Ā
Absolute radio silence from your end. Wonwoo is starting to think that you had him blocked, but his messages are still delivering. Unsure of whatās worse, you ignoring him or blocking his number, Wonwoo still tries his best to remain calm.
4:00 p.m.
[wons <3]: im about to head home soon. r u riding w me today?Ā
The sight of you getting into Seokminās car made Wonwoo scoff. Since when did you start getting rides home from Seokmin? And why was he the one opening the door for you? Buckling your seatbelt instead of his own? Wonwoo is completely dumbfounded at what he has witnessed.Ā
4:30 p.m.Ā
[wons <3]: saw u get into seokminās car, lmk if u need a ride tmrw.Ā
Seeing you laugh and smile while walking to the student parking lot with Seokmin, of all people, solidified the fact that you are actively ignoring his texts. And he just canāt stand the thought of it. How dare he be ignored? Especially by his best friend, the one person who had always responded to him, no matter the time or how busy you were, you always texted him back.Ā
Wonwoo initially thought that even if the world ended, you would be there within arms reach, enough to hold you close, where he could keep you safe. You were predictable in that sense. But if the world decided to burst into flames, or swallow itself whole tomorrow, heās unsure if you would be there right next to him by the time he woke up.Ā
two, wonwooās summer before senior year.Ā
The school year flew by with the speed of light. And before Wonwoo knew it, he was home back in Korea for the summer. The dreaded fifteen-hour plane ride over was excruciating. There was an ache in his lower back, and his knees felt like they were being struck by a hammer with every step he took. But at least the worst part was over.Ā
Sixteen-year-old Wonwoo was quite naive, thinking that heād be welcomed into his home country with loving arms. That hadnāt been the case at all, and for the two months that he spent in Changwon, he couldnāt help but count the days till he could come back home. Where you had been patiently waiting for him.Ā
He despised being away from you, and he had yearned for you every moment he was gone. With you by his side, Wonwoo had finally understood the true meaning of solace, a peace of mind that couldnāt be replicated. Not even the fresh air that breezed through his fingers or the scent of the salty water misting its way onto the shore of his hometown could outweigh the feeling of tranquillity that he got when he was with you.
Every year that Wonwoo was dragged back to Korea by his parents was excruciating. Especially because he had a certain distaste for his relatives. Maybe it was disrespectful to loathe them the way he did, but he couldnāt care less. Their scathing comments would flow out of their mouths just to pierce daggers of judgement into his back. To insult Wonwoo was second nature to his aunts, and he couldnāt do much but sit back and listen.Ā Ā
Much to his dismay, his parents hadnāt even bothered to book an Airbnb for their stay, informing him and his brother that they would be staying with his aunt. He couldnāt stand his aunt Seo-Ah in particular, and he swore the feeling was mutual. Unsure of why he had to withstand her crude remarks in front of his family without much protest, he forced himself not to dish out rude rebuttals to everything she had to say.Ā
There was a time when Wonwoo tried to reason with himself on why his aunt was filled with so much bitterness, but he gave up on that long ago. He was about to be seventeen now, and he couldnāt bring himself to empathize with the older lady anymore.Ā
āWonwoo! Youāre all grown up now, and I canāt believe it,ā Seo-Ah forced him into a bone-crushing hug as he tried his best not to push her off of him. She pulled back to take a closer look at him and he could already see the scrutinizing gleam in her eyes, āYou know, youāre still so skinny for your age. Do your parents not feed you enough?āĀ
Wonwoo wanted to scoff at her, but he kept a neutral expression.Ā
āNo they do, I donāt know maybe itās my fast metabolism or something,ā he refuted her claims. He couldnāt wait to get out of her sight.Ā
āYou know, maybe you should start going to the gym, get some muscle on you or something,ā she patted his lanky arm and laughed that dreadful laugh. The ones that have no real humour behind it, just to cover up the obvious dig she took at his appearance.Ā
āYeah maybe,ā he dismisses her to head into the house. Setting his luggage down to check whether or not youāve texted him yet.Ā
It was about five in the evening in Changwon, but he knew you wouldnāt be asleep. Faintly recalling how you were planning to stay up late every night to watch BuzzFeed unsolved videos, or until your mom yelled at you to go to bed.Ā
[4:15 p.m. kst]Ā
[you: i stayed up all night watching buzzfeed unsolved]Ā
[you: im going crazy i keep getting paranoid to the point iāve turned all my mirrors backwards]Ā
[you: hope ur flight was ok tho!!! š«¶]
He chuckled to himself, remembering your wide eyes and elaborate plan to sneak snacks into your room in the early hours of the morning behind your parentsā backs. Wonwoo missed you, and your stupid obsession with horror podcasts and YouTube shows. He missed the way your smile would shine so bright as you talked about all the haunted places the hosts would visit.Ā
Wonwoo did not care for horror or anything scary, but if you were to ask him to stay up all night on Facetime binge-watching your little Buzzfeed videos, he would do so in a heartbeat.Ā
Two days down, about another 89 to go, Wonwoo thought to himself as he looked through your messages with him. You had already spammed the chat mercilessly about your first two days of summer break, and your intricate mission to stay up without accidentally falling asleep in the middle of it all.Ā
[6:00 p.m. kst]
[1 photo attachment]Ā
[you: currently trying to sneak snacks into my room without my mom knowing]Ā
[you: u better not snitch š¾]Ā
[you: its so boring w out u here btw SO COME BACK SOON PLSS]Ā
[you: ok thats enuffā¦txt me when u land!]
Wonwoo really missed you.Ā
ā¦
One more week and Wonwoo would finally get to see you again. The ability to talk to you in person, hug you, and spend time with you gave him something to look forward to, and thankfully, summer break went by fast because of it.Ā
He had spent most of his time in Korea eating at local food spots, going to the gym, and trying a lot of new things with his brother, Seongho, giving them time to bond before he went off to University again. Wonwoo had missed his brother dearly during the school year, but at least they were able to pass the time together during summer break.Ā
It was initially his brotherās convincing that got him to go to the gym for the very first time. The idea of going to a place with a lot of sweaty, adrenaline-filled people kind of frightened him, but the more he went, the more he started to like what he saw in the mirror. Wonwooās shoulders had broadened, and his lanky arms finally started to show signs of muscles. He was satisfied in knowing that all of his hard work, and Seonghoās encouragement had finally paid off.Ā
Seongho told him he looked a lot more carefree now that he wasnāt so worried about his appearance all the time. And it was then that Wonwoo realized that he wasnāt all that bad-looking, after all.Ā
Wonwoo had begun to take pride in his vanity. He searched for different ways to style his hair, bought glasses that better suited his face shape, and, most of all, did his best to act more confidently. The sudden change made him wonder how you would react. He had been anticipating your reaction, wanting to see the look on your face once he returned home.Ā
āYou got it. Just one more rep, and we can switch,ā Seongho encouraged Wonwoo as he tried to push the bar up from his chest.Ā
His muscles were aching in the most addictive and satisfying way. He almost wished he had started working out earlier because only good things seemed to have come ever since he stepped foot into the gym.Ā
āOkay! Youāre done, that was good,ā his older brother high-fived him, a proud smile dancing along his lips.Ā
āThanks, but my arms feel like jelly now,ā he huffed a chuckle before gulping down the contents of his water bottle.Ā
Seongho chuckled along with him before setting himself down on the workout bench. His actions faltered, and he slowly observed the mirror in front of him, raising his eyebrows in amusement.Ā
āUh, donāt look now, but I think that girl is staring at you,ā Seongho tilted his head in the girlās direction and Wonwoo couldnāt be more confused.Ā
āHuh? Are you sure it's me theyāre looking at and not you?āĀ
āIām serious! You should go talk to her,ā Seongho grinned, pushing his younger brother in the direction of the girl who was supposedly eyeing Wonwoo.Ā
āHyung!ā Wonwoo calls out but it falls on deaf ears as his older brother begins his bench presses.Ā
Wonwoo turns towards the girl in the most awkward way humanly possible. He was completely dumbfounded and not sure what to do in the situation heād been put in. The girl who was staring at him waved flirtatiously, and before he could even think about his next move, his feet had begun to move on their own accord.Ā
āHi, I saw you working out over there, are you new here?ā she asked him, batting her eyelashes.Ā
āUhm, I guess? Iām only here for the summer though,ā he spoke with apprehension, because what the hell was he even supposed to say?Ā
āOh! Me too. My name is Haein, by the way.ā Haeinās smile reached her eyes as she giggled, and her hand extended to shake Wonwooās.Ā
Wonwooās actions were practically robotic, rubbing his sweaty palms on his gym shorts before taking her hand in his. He remembers thinking about how soft her hands were, and how pretty she looked with her hair tied up in a messy bun.Ā
āIām Wonwoo.āĀ
āWonwoo, hmm, thatās a cute name. But I think I would like it more in my contacts,ā she flirted shamelessly, her fingers squeezing his sweaty bicep.Ā
Wonwooās mind short-circuited, and he took out his phone from his pocket so fast it almost slipped out of his grasp. Haein found it endearing though, and happily gave him her phone number.Ā
They talked for the rest of Wonwoo's time at the gym and promised to hang out more before they both went home at the end of the summer.Ā
To put it simply, Wonwoo was on cloud nine for the first time since heās been here. Suddenly his aunt Seo-Ahās words werenāt so hurtful, his confidence had skyrocketed, plus he had a beautiful girl to talk to for the rest of his vacation.Ā
By the end of summer, Wonwoo started to miss you less and less. Even though he still saw you as his best friend, he began to find peace in other things, like the fresh air that breezed through his fingers or the scent of the salty water misting its way onto the shore of his hometown. Finally, for the first time in his life, Wonwoo felt serene, and that made him a little more whole than he was when he first landed in Changwon.Ā
ā¦
The after-effects of Wonwooās surprisingly pleasant summer vacation hadnāt worn off just yet. The gift of Haein appearing in his life seemed to just keep on giving. Not only did she live overseas, she had told him that she was actually from the same city as him. It was a little hard to believe at first as if he was the main character in a cheesy rom-com, but he couldnāt find it in him to complain. Haein made him feel wanted, excited, and cared for.Ā
Wonwoo wasnāt entirely devoid of those feelings, especially with you as his best friend, but it was different coming from Haein. Every time he saw her, he felt like he was going to throw up, in a good way of course, but she also boosted his confidence. He liked that she made him feel like he was a man worth depending on.Ā
Haein was his first real relationship, and although he was still young, he could see himself being with her for a long time.Ā
ā¦
Quite like the seasons, Wonwooās feelings for Haein changed drastically by the time school was back in session. Although he and Haein lived in the same city, there was a lot more than just distance that separated them.Ā
Six months into their relationship, Wonwoo began to doubt himself. He was less eager to meet her or even text her. He could only blame himself for how things turned out with Haein. Despite his adolescence, he believed he loved her; he just got tired and disinterested.Ā
On a subconscious level, Wonwoo could not stop comparing Haein to you, and as fucked up as that was, it was completely out of his control. Why didnāt Haein ever want to talk about what Wonwoo was interested in? Why did she seem bored out of her mind when he would delve into his theories about his favourite shows? Or anything about himself and what he liked. As though she didnāt see him for the Wonwoo he was, the personality he had behind his looks.Ā
āIt all makes sense now! Eren had Zeke fooled!ā Wonwoo couldnāt contain his excitement about the newest episode, but Haein didnāt seem interested in hearing her boyfriend geek out.Ā
āI'm sorry babe, but I gave up after the first episode,ā Haein sighed into the phone, and if Wonwoo could guess, she was probably picking at her cuticles out of boredom. āI just didnāt get anything that was happening.āĀ
āWait, really?ā He was a little offended, how could she not be obsessing over the beautiful intricacies of his favourite anime? Wonwoo didnāt understand.Ā
He didnāt understand because when he introduced you to the show, you texted him the next day saying you were caught up to where he had left off. It amazed Wonwoo how fast you were at binge-watching shows, especially because he had told you about it on a weekday.Ā
You came into school the morning after with dark circles under your eyes, but even with that tired look on your face, you ran up to him with so much eagerness while thanking him for urging you to watch his favourite show. You two were obsessed and never missed out on watching the weekly episodes together.Ā It had become you and Wonwooās thing, and even though he wanted Haein to join in on the fun, he found himself more entertained by your theories than by talking on the phone with his girlfriend.Ā
It dawned on him that he wished that Haein acted a little more like you. And it made him feel guilty. He knew he shouldāve loved Haein no matter her interests, but he wanted someone who could understand his nerdy side. And that was only something that you were able to do.Ā
āHonestly, Iām really tired, Iām gonna go to bed now okay?ā Haeinās voice brought Wonwoo out of his thoughts.Ā
āOh okay. Night.ā He said before ending the call so quickly that Haeinās āI love youā was cut off mid-sentence.Ā
Haein probably had thought he had forgotten, but Wonwoo just didnāt want to say those words if he didnāt mean it. He had grown annoyed, and a little bored of practically talking to a wall all night.Ā Ā
Comparable to the light switching off in his bedroom, he decided to do the same thing with Haein. He pushed his guilt aside and decided it was probably best to leave Haein and Changwon in the past. The memories of his last week of summer with her would become something he would look back on in the future and smile. But he didnāt want to pretend any longer, it wouldāve just hurt her more if he stayed, he couldnāt help that he fell out of love with her. The least he could do was not lead her on.Ā
Wonwooās relationship with Haein was merely a catalyst and a peek into what the rest of his relationships were going to look like in adulthood. He was never able to comprehend why he couldnāt keep feelings for anyone after the six-month mark, and it almost frustrated him. Something was missing in every single relationship he had been in, and he wasnāt sure what that was. But he was determined to find an answer.Ā
three, present time.
The answer was you. But of course, Wonwoo didnāt know that.Ā
āAre you gonna keep checking your phone every five minutes or are you gonna do your homework?ā Mingyu lectures him.Ā
The two were studying in the library before their stats midterm, but Wonwooās mind couldnāt help but wonder. He hasnāt been acting like himself since the night of Seokminās party.Ā
āOh, right.ā Wonwoo clears his throat, putting his phone face down on the table.Ā
Wonwoo drags his palms against his face, trying to not let sleep overtake him. It is not his fault that every time he tries to close his eyes, your face comes into his mind. The memory of you smiling with Seokmin made his insides twist. He hasnāt seen you smile that hard in a while, and he almost misses how your eyes crinkle whenever you do so. You were practically haunting him and he had no idea how to make it stop.Ā
āNot to be rude, but youāve been looking like shit lately. Whatās wrong?ā Mingyu questions him with furrowed eyebrows.Ā
Wonwoo rolls his eyes at his friend, he didnāt have to be insulted to know how crappy he looked, but Mingyu seemed to only be telling the truth. Wonwoo did look and feel like shit. With the amount of near run-ins heās had with you and Seokmin on campus, heās begun to sense that itās some sort of karma. Whatever that karma may be for, he fully believes that itās completely unwarranted.Ā
Forcing a hand through his dark locks, Wonwoo contemplates whether or not he should just go up to you in person and demand answers. Itās uncommon for the two of you to fight, or ignore each other for that matter. But he canāt help but presume that if he were to confront you about your silence, there would be no rightful explanation. Or at least not the explanation that he wants from you.Ā
Every time he even fathoms the thought of barging into your apartment and asking what the hell is wrong, thereās a lingering nervousness that he wishes would dissipate, leading him to lay awake with his thoughts for hours on end.Ā
āThanks for that, asshole, I just havenāt been getting much sleep,ā Wonwoo huffs.Ā
āOkay, obviously. You practically look like a zombie with the way youāve been moping around. What has been keeping you up?ā Mingyu presses.Ā
Itās not every day that Wonwoo indulges in his problems with Mingyu, thatās what you were for. However, he canāt talk about his problems about you, to you, so heāll have to settle for the next best thing.Ā Ā
āY/N has been ignoring me since the night we all hung out at Seokminās,ā Wonwoo confesses, and it feels nice.Ā
For the past two weeks, heās been keeping his frustrations to himself, and now that he can freely speak about it lifts the weight off his chest.Ā
Mingyu snorts, obviously finding his friendās situation humorous. Wonwoo sneers at Mingyuās reaction, clearly not finding anything about you ignoring him funny.Ā
āServes you right, youāre a dick to her, man.ā Mingyu shrugs without any remorse to spare.Ā
āWhat?ā Wonwoo sputters, since when was he a dick to you? His best friend?Ā
āHow blind are you? You have glasses and everything but you canāt see how mean you are to her sometimes? Really?ā Mingyu almost sounds offended on your behalf as he stares at Wonwoo with an incredulous expression.Ā
āI am not a dick to her. She would definitely tell me if Iāve ever said something to hurt her feelings,ā Wonwoo defends himself.Ā
Attempting to rack his brain of all your moments together, he canāt seem to pick out a memory where he has been especially rude to you. Of course, you two teased each other from time to time, but he wasnāt a complete asshole. He knew when to not take a joke too far or purposely try to upset you.Ā
āYouāre a dumbass.ā Mingyu lets out a frustrated sigh which only aggravates Wonwoo even more.Ā
āCould you stop with the insults for one second and just tell me whatās going on?āĀ
Shutting his laptop, Mingyuās posture becomes serious, a deviation from his usual carefree and smiley self. He cares about you just as much as the next person, so if he had to reality-check his friend, then so be it.Ā
āShe cares about you a lot. And you treat her like shit. Itās not about what youāve said to her, itās your actions. Ever since we were in high school all youāve done is use her to solve your problems. I canāt even blame her for wanting to cut you off. I donāt know what happened at Seokminās place for her to realize that, but you donāt deserve her,ā Mingyu confesses.Ā
Soaking up each word that left Mingyuās mouth, Wonwoo sat in a pool of perplexity. There are so many questions flying through his mind, yet he canāt seem to utter a single word. Is that really how everyone perceives his friendship with you?Ā
Wonwoo is going to throw up. There's a tightness in his chest and a burning sensation behind his eyes. He wants nothing more than to hear all of this coming from you, not Mingyu. The frustration of wanting to talk to you about this is taking a toll on him, he doesnāt want to believe that Mingyu is telling the truth.Ā
Itās not fair. Itās not fair that Mingyu gets to know these things about you while Wonwoo is just left in the dark. Did he make you feel like you couldnāt tell him anything?Ā
Ever since Wonwoo met you, it was evident that he can be quite merciless when it comes to his relationships, but thatās romantic, not platonic. Wonwoo was convinced that he treated you equally because thatās how it's supposed to be.Ā
Hearing Mingyu talk about his friendship with you in that way caused Wonwooās whole world to crash down. And the only thing he can do in moments like these is seek out your comfort, except he canāt anymore. Not only has he been a terrible friend without realizing it, but heās pushed you so far to the brink that youād rather ignore him than attempt to hash out whatās been troubling you.
āI-I didnāt know that's how you guys saw our friendship,ā Wonwoo falters, clearly taken aback, and still attempting to fully comprehend whatās been said to him.Ā
āItās not that we see your friendship with her that way, it is that way. If I was her, I wouldāve cut you off a long time ago.āĀ
āWell, thanks, Gyu. I feel like this couldāve been said before she started ignoring me,ā Wonwoo huffs, trying to come up with the words to explain his side.
āIt was kinda obvious, man,ā Mingyu shrugs.Ā
āWas it, though? If I had known, I wouldāve at least tried to be better,ā Wonwoo attests, tired of feeling like the bad guy.Ā
āHow about you just talk to her about it instead of sulking,ā Mingyu suggests.Ā
Desperation hijacked his rational thinking, making Mingyuās advice sound plausible. Talking to you seemed out of the equation since you started ignoring him; he feared you wouldnāt even answer if he tried to call or show up at your door. But he canāt go on like this, especially now that he knows there is more to your friendship than he had initially thought.Ā
four.Ā
For the first time in Wonwooās life, heās unsure about what decision to make. Although he wants nothing more than to knock on your door, his feet stop him from even entering your building. So instead of mucking up the courage to talk to you face to face, he waits inside his car. Without a solid plan, he continues to sit there, biding his time.Ā
Never has he acted so pathetic in his life, not even for the sake of his relationships. He knows that nothing will come from sitting there, just watching, but before he can even comprehend what he is doing and where he is going, he is already across the street from your place.Ā
Gripping on the leather of his steering wheel, he just couldnāt help himself. He canāt help but watch your silhouette from your window. The curtains are drawn, but there are glimpses of you walking around. Heās such a fucking loser. What type of person has Wonwoo become that he resorts to stalking you from the front of your building?Ā
After all that Mingyu has enlightened him on, Wonwooās attitude has become less angry and more apologetic. There was a line he pondered crossing, and it practically mocked him. Stepping over that line would mean getting answers from you, demanding to be brought into the light that you had snuffed out from under him. But his uncertainty of the outcome outweighed his decision to do so.
That same apologetic attitude died a fiery death after watching Seokmin leave your apartment. There you were in all your glory, the tiny sleep set clinging onto your body as the wind forced its way into the door of your building. Then there was Seokmin, grinning like a fucking idiot as he waved goodbye.Ā
āShit!ā Wonwoo grunts as he ducks down, not wanting to blow his cover. His car was visible from where the two of you stood, hoping that you werenāt able to recognize it in the dead of night.Ā Ā
Boring holes into the back of Seokminās head, Wonwoo's guilt diminished, floating away with the cold night breeze. You were fine, and he shouldāve known that the root of all his problems started with the name Lee Seokmin.Ā
The shape of your figure had faded into the confines of your building. Yet Wonwoo can still make out your body through the glass window of your door. He canāt help but gawk at your skimpy attire, your ass practically on display for the whole world to see. The deathly twist in his gut intensifies the more he ponders on what may have happened during Seokminās visit. Wonwoo desperately wants to stop thinking about the possibilities, especially because your lack of clothing only fueled that inferno inside his mind.Ā
Heās never been more annoyed at Seokmin in his entire life, not until today.Ā
Wonwoo allowed himself to ignore the signs, but only for a moment. But this, this he canāt ignore. Not after what he witnessed. He allowed himself to stay ignorant when it came to your silence because he had been so naive to think that it was your decision. Now that he knows Seokmin had somehow weaselled his way closer to you, Wonwoo had to make sure this plan of his didnāt go on any longer.Ā
ā¦
There is a heat inside Wonwoo that, for some reason, he cannot extinguish. The curve and outlines of your body burn in the back of his retinas. No matter how many times heās tried to put himself to sleep, the image of you is clear as day in his mind.Ā Sparks crawl their way up his spine, and he desperately wishes that it would just go away.Ā
Thereās a point where Wonwoo gave up on trying to sleep altogether. Thoughts of you, your body, and the oh-so-painful reminder that youāre still ignoring him. How can he sleep with everything going on? What made things worse, was the fact that the one person he wanted to call most likely wouldnāt pick up.
Wonwoo wasnāt the type of person to let his emotions get the better of him, but this abrupt rift that has been torn between you two has him acting out in ways heās never acted before.Ā
The urge to grab his phone, to text you, to give it one more try, grows perpetually every second he lies awake.Ā
One more time. One more attempt. What does he have to lose?Ā
Wonwoo stands up, pacing around nonsensically, trying to think of what to say. For all he knows, you may not even answer, but there is the urge to hear your voice one more time and see your name pop up on his screen. Wonwoo yearns for you so much so that it supersedes any part of common sense he has left in him.Ā
[12:52 a.m.]Ā
[wons <3: darling. can we talk? please?]Ā
[not delivered]Ā
The silence within the four walls of Wonwooās bedroom is harrowing. Out of all the outcomes he had considered before he texted you, the outcome of you blocking him was not even on the list.Ā
Before jumping to some sort of conclusion, Wonwooās finger hovers over the call button with skepticism. If you donāt pick up, then thatās it. That would be the definitive answer to all his qualms.Ā
āThe number you have called is not available, please leave a message at the tone,ā an automated voice affirmed his suspicions.Ā
The notification is gut-wrenching, but he canāt just sit here and pretend like itās okay for you to do this. To decide without any of his input. What kind of friend were you to just drop him like he was nothing but an old toy? How unfair did you have to be to not even try to talk it out before you completely cut him off?Ā
five.Ā
Pacing outside the door of your apartment, Wonwoo hasnāt been this nervous in years. He has always been so sure of himself, but itās almost two in the morning and heās still continuing to weigh his options.Ā
Itās either youāll let him in, and talk for the first time in almost two weeks, or youāll kick him out before he can step a foot past the door. Desperately, he desires that it be the first option. Losing you over this would break him, and not in the way you would expect.Ā
Heās already lost his mind. This shouldnāt be the way you two break it off. It wonāt be the way you two break it off. Not if Wonwoo has a say in the situation.Ā
Sweaty palms and white knuckles rasp against the dark oak that barricades himself from you. Thereās nothing that Wonwoo wants more than to see your face glowing in front of him. And before he can even get a word out to you, the door whips open. The person on the other side is someone Wonwoo is starting to get really sick of seeing.Ā
āWhat the hell are you doing here?ā Both Wonwoo and Seokmin speak in unison.Ā
Scoffing, Wonwoo rolls his eyes at his so-called friend, āI think I should be asking you that. You clearly donāt live here.āĀ
āMinnie? Is someone at the door?ā your voice is as sweet as a glass of lemonade on a hot summerās day.Ā
Minnie. Wonwoo almost threw up in his mouth.Ā
Minnie. The nickname is parallel to nails scraping against a chalkboard.Ā
āYeah! Your neighbour just needed to borrow something,ā Seokmin goads through a sickly sweet smile, eyes never leaving Wonwooās. Without as much as a word of mockery, Seokminās expression had said more than his words ever could have.Ā
Despite his soft demeanour, Wonwoo knew there was something vile hiding under Seokminās thick skin.Ā
A rebuttal to his deception is on the tip of Wonwooās tongue, but your melodic voice echoes throughout your home once more. The refute dies within his throat, and he hopes you will come out and see what your āneighbourā is looking for.Ā
āOkay!ā is the only response you give out. The reverberation of the water hitting the shower tiles causes Wonwooās stomach to practically lurch out his abdomen.Ā
āWhatever youāre doing, sheās not gonna fall for it,ā Wonwoo jeered, staring at Seokmin with looks that should kill, if he could.Ā
There was no need for Wonwoo to put two and two together; he already knew what Seokmin was alluding to. It left a dreadful taste in his mouth.Ā
Puffing out his chest, Wonwoo takes a step closer towards the man he once considered a close friend. Sizing him up, he knew that Seokmin was the reason for the wedge in your friendship. And Wonwoo had no problem treating him as such.Ā
āYouāre fucking sick, you know that?ā Wonwoo practically spits in his face.Ā
āI could say the same thing for you,ā Seokmin mutters, unperturbed, āI didnāt have to do anything you know? Just a little push and she fell into my lap, voluntarily.āĀ
āIām not just going to let you get away with something like this. Sheās my best friend.āĀ
āI think the correct tense is was. She was your best friend,ā Seokmin taunted.Ā
He was wrong about Seokmin. Even though he had known about his friend's crush on you for years, Wonwoo didnāt expect the lengths Seokmin would go to in order to cut him out of the picture.Ā
Before a breath could even escape his lips, Seokmin cuts him off, āI think itās time for you to leave. She doesnāt want to see you.ā
The last few words that he heard come out of Seokminās mouth nearly fell on deaf ears. It was practically a whisper, laced with enough malice to almost kill the fighting spirit inside him. Almost.Ā
āBy the way, donāt text her anymore. Iāve made sure she wonāt get any more notifications from you.āĀ
The realization had struck Wonwoo hard. He knew you well enough that you wouldnāt just block him so carelessly, without a word no less. Yet he was no match for Seokmin, not after the fact that you allowed him into your home, your heart, so willingly.Ā
ā¦
Lying in wait, Wonwoo observes the door of your building once more. The distinct difference this time was that Wonwoo had no guilt left in him to care. Whether you see him or his car across the street didnāt matter to him anymore. The only thing Wonwoo wanted to make sure of was whether or not Seokmin would be leaving your place.Ā
After what had felt like hours, he watched the same scene from last night unfold in front of him once more. The abhorrent hug goodbye that is exchanged between you and Seokmin is nothing but a cue for Wonwoo to make his move.
With as much grace as a bull in a china shop, he slams the car door shut, not even bothering to lock it before he stalks his way to your apartment. The anticipation caused the hairs on his neck to stand straight up. As he presses the button to your floor, he can only deliberate whether any of Seokminās words hold any truth behind them.
Ā Certainly not, right? Not after all the years you spent together. His friendship with you couldnāt end on this vague note. You were always the sentimental type, holding onto trinkets, memories, and even people for far too long. It should be the same with Wonwoo; he believed it would be the same.Ā
If there is a chance, you should allow him to talk and voice his opinion. No, Wonwoo will voice his opinion; there has never been a time when you havenāt let him speak.Ā
As the elevator ascends to your floor, anxiety begins to weigh down his shoulders. The feeling is atypical and Wonwoo hates how his throat constricts. He hates how his clothes feel too tight and stuffy despite his casual attire. Is this how it feels? To actually care about someone and whether their decisions might affect him later on?Ā
Footsteps echo within the hallway, and with each step he takes, the illusion steadily becomes more vivid. Your front door almost looks like itāll take a mile before Wonwoo can reach it, rather than a few feet away.Ā
After what felt like years, Wonwoo stands before the entrance of your home once more. The foreboding tension wonāt vanish and itās starting to make him itch. Without another thought, Wonwoo forces himself to knock on the door knowing itāll be you who answers this time, not Seokmin.Ā
āMinnie? Did you leave something agaiā,ā Abrupt silence engulfs your words, leaving nothing but an echo to resonate within the expanse of your long hallway.
āWonwooā¦ā your voice falters, like you genuinely didnāt expect to see him, let alone have him standing outside your door.Ā
āDid you fuck him?ā Wonwoo cuts to the chase, not leaving any room for you to ask questions.Ā
His blunt words caused a frown to grace your soft pink lips, and Wonwoo almost felt bad for being so frank. But he doesnāt have time to beg for your forgiveness, the anger surmounting to nothing but harsh words and a push past you and into your home.Ā
āDid you fuck him? Yes or no?āĀ Wonwoo continues to press you for answers, agitated that you have the audacity to stand there dumbfounded. As if you donāt know who he's talking about. āCāmon, you know who Iām talking about,ā he can almost laugh at the situation in front of him.Ā
How is it that all the rage he built up for Seokmin is being taken out on you? Wonwoo had no clue, but the thought of his friend-now-enemy defiling you, tasting you, while Wonwoo desperately waited for your call caused him to direct all his anger to you. Perhaps itās undeserving to do so, but Wonwooās frustration spoke for him before his brain could even register what he was saying.Ā
āThe past two weeks youāve been ignoring me, spending your time with him, do you know where his true intentions lie?ā Wonwoo continues to rant with unpreparedness.Ā
He didnāt plan what he was going to say because there was a moment of doubt, he had expected you to open the door just to slam it right back in his face. The look you gave him almost brought him to his knees. Your doe-eyed expression couldāve broken down every wall heās built if only he hadnāt let his anger proceed him.Ā
Wonwoo shouldāve cried, to plead for you to take him back. To go back to the way things were. He knew he fucked up the moment he uttered a single word. The hurt flashed across your face as though Wonwoo turned your world upside down.Ā
āSeokmin doesnāt care about you, and Iāll tell you that now because you need to hear it. He just wants to fuck you! And you just gave that to him?ā He canāt stop talking.Ā
āStop. Just stop fucking talking Wonwoo. Do you hear yourself right now?ā You cut off his rant. āOut of all people, who gave you the right to tell me who I can and cannot fuck? Especially knowing the type of person that you are. It doesnāt matter if Seokmin and I had sex. What matters is the fact that you think you can barge in here at two-thirty in the morning interrogating me over a situation that doesnāt involve you.āĀ
āNo. Iām just trying to help you. Seokmin isnāt the person that you think he is,ā Wonwoo seethes, annoyed at how youāre twisting his words.Ā
The bile in his throat rose further, as you stood before him like he had just kicked your dog. Wonwooās extremely aware of the hole he had dug for himself, but he couldnāt stop. His urge to self-sabotage overrides his common sense.Ā
āThat is exactly what weāre not going to do right now. Seokmin has been a better friend to me than you have been in all the years weāve known each other. I have been by your side for years, bending over backwards. I was at your beck and call and Iām tired. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and warn myself about you. I fell in love with my best friend, and the worst part was that you didnāt care enough to notice.Ā
āI gave up so much for you, Wonwoo. I lost myself trying to please you. But I give up. I was drowning in my love for you. It consumed every part of me to the point I couldnāt even come up for air. And Iām just sick of it. I know thereās a part of you that cares about me too, but itāll never be equal. Iāll always love you more than you love me, and I donāt want to feel this way anymore.āĀ
āWhat hurts me the most, is that you thought it would be okay to accuse me of things I didnāt even do. I did not sleep with Seokmin, but why is that what you care about?Ā He respects me and just wants to be there for me. And thatās a lot more than I could ever say about you.āĀ
Your voice was terrifyingly calm, with neither a lilt nor a hiccup during your speech. The heft of your declaration crashed back down onto Wonwoo, leaving him at a loss for words.Ā
āIām sorry,ā is the first thing to come out of his mouth after a long pause.Ā
āPlease. Itās late, you should go home,ā you sigh, but Wonwoo couldnāt move an inch. He refused.Ā
āIām sorry,ā he repeats himself, looking into your eyes, searching for the look of endearment you had always given him.Ā
āWonwooā¦ā there it is. Your voice had broken for the first time since Wonwoo stepped foot in the place.Ā
āPlease. Iām so fucking sorry. For getting angry, for doubting you, for not realizing how badly you were hurting,ā Wonwoo resorted to pleading.Ā
A look of desperation mixed with agony was the only thing you could exchange for his apologies.
The stare of grief you had given him caused a shooting pain to swell throughout his limbs. The one that begins at his fingertips, creeping up to tug at the strings that held his heart together. He wanted this nightmare to end, and he was sure you did too.Ā
āItās time for you to go. Iām tired, Wonwoo.āĀ A single tear slips and trickles down your cheek.Ā
He regrets not wiping it away for you at that moment. It was the first time he had been so unsure of his actions. So, instead, he walked out of your apartment, leaving nothing but the lingering scent of his cologne and a piece of his heart.Ā
Wonwoo's world was crumbling underneath him, and there was only one person he refused to let go of. He shouldāve known.
He shouldāve known that you were in front of him this whole damn time.
end of act one.
ā¹ a/n: if you liked this story pls dont be afraid to let me know thru a reblog, comment or ask! also a big ty to my beshies forever @vapidlynn and @bunnyjjongie who i've texted multiple times in the wee hours of the morning for reassurance abt this thing hehe.
the last thing you expected when you volunteered at your cityās local animal shelter is to meet the hottest cat person in the world. now if only heād justĀ adoptĀ one of them so youād stop ogling him every time he drops by.
ā FEATURING; wonwoo x reader
ā Ā WORD COUNT;Ā 25.4k words
ā Ā TAGS;Ā meet cute, strangers to lovers, pining, discourse abt being an idol as a career, mild angst, smut
ā Ā NOTES;Ā it's finally done!! and it turned out to be the longest oneshot i've written ever T T i reaaally didn't mean it to become this long but i got overly self-indulgent so here we are :3c also psa that this story features a handful of other characters from the series, so if you find them familiar that's totally on purpose HEH
this is part of theĀ doting on you!Ā series.
ā Ā SMUT TAGS; unprotected sex, service top wonwoo, praise kink, voice kink, first time together, fingering, creampie, ofc they're grossly in love
P.S. i reserve the right to refuse to add you to my taglist if you don't have any age indicators in your profile :^)
There are a handful of things that a college student can do with their free time. Studying, hanging out with friends, and maybe even picking up a hobby of sorts. You, on the other hand, use up all the hours youāre not spending on your undergrad thesis or sleeping the day away at an animal shelter just a few minutes away from your apartment.Ā
Your friends constantly wonder how youāre still able to maintain a remarkable GPA with a part-time job thatās starting to look full-time, but you just laugh their questions off for the most partāsaying that other people have got it worse than you, but can still perform leagues better academically.Ā
You also tell them that most of your motivation comes from all the unadopted animals from the shelter. You started as a volunteer just to kill time on weekends when youāre free, but even if you knew better than to get attached to all those adorable faces, you eventually found yourself on the employee roster anyways.Ā
Now youāre rushing to finish your degree so you can get a neat sugar mommy job thatāll let you afford to adopt everyone thatās been stuck in the shelter for nearly a year or more.
Okay, maybe not everyone because youāre no fool with a savior complex. But just enough to give a few furry friends a new home, right?
āDonāt look now,ā your coworker, Mina whispers conspiratorially while youāre in the middle of snacking in the break room, ābut that cutie youāve been crushing on just walked inside. Heās checking out the cats out in the playroom as usual.ā
Right. Apart from your altruistic dream of adopting as many animals as your financial capabilities can allow, thereās another reason youāre always looking forward to your shifts at the shelter. A reason that youāre a bit too embarrassed to let your friends know about.
You nearly choke on a potato chip when Mina informs you of the news and she immediately breaks into a fit of laughter. Glaring at her, you compose yourself with a long gulp of water before saying, āI do not have a crush on him.ā
āSure,ā she plays along. āIf you consider making googly eyes at the guy every time he drops by as ānot having a crush on himā, then Iāll concur.āĀ
āI hate you.ā
āNo you donāt, sweetheart. Now get out there and sweet talk him into taking one of the kittens home! Pretty sure he wants one if heās been showing up as much as he did for the last two months.āĀ
While you wouldāve argued that the so-called cutie youāve been crushing on could just like seeing the cats play around in his free time, you donāt really have much energy to play mental gymnastics with Mina. Youāve had a long day of revisions and other nonsense materials you have to submit for your majors, so youāll let this one slide.
Your workplace is as bleak as every other shelter youāve seen a few times in your life. Gray walls, concrete floors, and steel cages stacked on top of each other. It looks more like a prison than anything, really, but itās the staff and those kind-hearted souls who rehome animals that have long been abandoned that give the entire place some life.
While Mister Cutie That Youāve Been Quote-Unquote Crushing On doesnāt exactly fall into either of those categories, you like to think he still leaves the building just a touch more colorful once he walks out of the front door.Ā
Speaking of color, heās wearing a loose, dark green shirt that falls just below his elbows. Cutieāas youāve deigned to call him not because you think heās cute but because youāre yet to get his nameāhas one palm flattened across the viewing glass of the playroom. Heās wearing his usual black face mask today, but from the way his eyes glint behind his glasses, youāre just going to assume heās having a good time just by watching the cats frolic inside.
āYouāre here pretty late,ā you state nonchalantly before standing a few feet away from him.Ā
āIs that so strange?ā he murmurs with a chuckle, surprisingly not startled with your sudden entrance before glancing your way. āI always show up here at this hour, donāt I?ā
God. No matter how many times you hear his voice, you just canāt get over how deep it is. But before any of your thoughts could show on your face, you get talking.
āTrue. Youāve sparked a debate among the volunteers about your line of work, actually.ā Not exactly. Youāre not sure if any of the volunteers have even seen this guy, since they mostly work day shifts. āAnyway, are you just here to check āem out or am I finally going to hand you the adoption papers?ā
His eyes crinkle a bit before he shifts his gaze towards the playroom again. Most of the older cats have already been put back in their respective cages. All thatās left inside are the kittens with way too much energy to spare. The director, A.K.A., your boss, believes that itās best to tire them out first before settling them into individual enclosures for the night. Keeps the place nice and quiet for the evening shift fellows like yourself.
āNot yet, sadly,ā Cutie says with a sigh before pointing at a small black kitten huddled up in a corner. āThat oneās new, isnāt it? I donāt think Iāve seen him around before.āĀ
āHer,ā you correct. āHer nameās Hani. Sheās a stray that someone from the university Iām attending brought in last week. It was pretty ugly, actually. Poor thing got into an accident and was bleeding everywhere. Good thing our usual vet was paying a visit when they came here.ā
āOh? Thatās a relief then. No wonder sheās got a little limp every time she walks around,ā he observes with a saddened tone. āBut I digress. You mentioned you were attending university?ā
ā¦Okay, whyād the topic of interest suddenly shift to you?Ā
But since itās a harmless enough question, you reply with, āYeah. The one thatās just a few blocks away. Itās kinda why the person who found Hani brought her here instead of a vet clinic. The nearest oneās like half an hour away.ā
āGood call, good call.ā He nods with a look of understanding. āI hope someone comes and adopts her. She deserves all the love she can get. Well, everyone here does of course.āĀ
You flash him a conniving smile, raising your brows a few times. āYou could give that to her.ā
Cutie shakes his head with another low-pitched laugh. āAs much as Iād love to, myā¦living conditions wonāt be suitable for her at all. Or any of the other animals for the matter.ā
āHm?ā You stare at him curiously. āYour landlord doesnāt allow pets or something?ā
āMmm⦠Not exactly.ā
The conversation pretty much ends there. Cutie excuses himselfāsaying that someone is waiting for him at home. You donāt know why your heart deflates a little at the very real possibility that he has a significant other. Then again, if youāre this whipped when you havenāt even seen his face, you could only imagine how easy it would be for him to settle down with someone who has.
Either way, itās none of your business. And correction: youāre not whipped. Justā¦hyper aware of his presence every time he stops by.
Despite the fact that youāre dead-set on filing this strange fascination you have for the guy, howeverā¦
āWait!ā
Cutie turns around to face you with an inquisitive look. āYes?ā
You swallow thickly, deciding to just bite the bullet before your nerves get the best of you. āWhatās your name? I canāt keep calling you CuāI mean, Glasses Guy in my head whenever you pay us a visit.ā
He blinks for a few seconds, obviously nonplussed by your forwardness but you donāt think your pride can take it anymore if you had to refer to him asā
āYou can call me Woo,ā he says warmly and you can almost see the smile that stretches behind that black face mask.
Shit. Did your heart just stutter?
āMister Wooāā
āJust Woo is fine.ā
āOkay, Woo,ā you start, kind of liking the way that something thatās obviously a nickname rolls off the tongue, ājust let me know if you ever want to take Hani home. Weāre open twenty four-seven, as you already know.ā
He nods. āSure thing. Is it okay if I can get your number for that?ā
Now you have to fight the urge to scowl at him after heās been so nice to you all nightāand every other night heās dropped by.Ā
This guy isnāt flirting with you. He said it himselfāsomeoneās waiting for him at home. Plus, heās expressed consistent interest in adopting a kitten for himself a handful of times before. Maybe he just connected with Hani on a level thatās above the others. Enough to ask for your number since the possibility of him bringing one of these angels home is becoming more and more real.Ā
Yeah, thatās definitely the reason!
So you give it to himāhastily scrawled behind an old flier gathering dust in one of the drawers on the front desk. Itās way too big to write just yours and the shelterās contact details on, but the other calling cards are nowhere in sight. Youāll have to ask Mina if sheās seen them onceā
āThanks. Iāll keep in touch,ā Woo tells you while folding the sheet of paper into a sleek black Louis Vuitton wallet.
Wait a minute.
Before you can even seriously ponder about what job heās got to be able to afford that, Woo is already out of the doorāheading into the evening streets without once looking back.Ā
āGosh, I swear that guyās an idol in disguise or something.ā
Thatās the first thing that Mina tells you when you find her doing a few rounds among the sleeping dogs in the far back. You havenāt even spoken a single word about your most recent exchange.Ā
āWhat makes you think that?āĀ
āHe just exudes idol vibes, yāknow? Shows up here when the place is deserted. Always acts subtle and inconspicuous. Oh and not to mention how hot he looks even with a face mask on! He could be that one idol your little sister is crazy about.āĀ
You roll your eyes at her odd ways of deduction. āMina, Iāve seen enough of Haewonās Mingyu merch to last a lifetime and Woo definitely does not look like him.ā
āOh?ā Your coworker perks up with a mischievous smile. āYou finally got his name, huh?ā
God. This is going to be a long shift.
The next time you see Woo is, surprisingly, not at an ungodly hour in the shelter.Ā
Well, itās still at an ungodly hour, but the change in venue is a little baffling. You were up all night studying (read: cramming) for a major exam that youāll take at eight in the morning the next day. When you were finally at your witās end, you decidedly hauled yourself away from your laptop and fluttered off to the only twenty four-hour coffee shop in the neighborhood.Ā
You donāt usually frequent this place because youāve tasted their shitty americanos firsthand, but youāre not in the mood to grind some beans yourself and youāre much too stubborn to drink anything instantāconvinced the powdered concoction would only make you sleepier.
So here you are, in line for an espresso because youāve decided to give them the benefit of the doubt that maybe not everything on the menu tastes less than itās worth. With how many other students are pulling all-nighters here, that should be testament enough that they tolerate the placeās drinks enough to linger.Ā
But, to your horror, when youāre right in front of the graveyard shift barista, he informs you that wireless payments have been temporarily disabled and that theyāre only accepting cash up front. You make a show of patting down the pockets of your hoodie to check for your wallet even if you know damn well that you left it back at your apartment on purpose. Just when youāre about to resign yourself to buying shitty instant coffee at a Seven Eleven instead, the person behind you in line clears his throat.Ā
āUh, I can pay for her drink.āĀ
You donāt think youāve ever whipped your head around to check for a personās identity faster than you did at that moment. Itās not that youāre particularly obsessed with the low timber of his voice or anything, but youād recognize the way the shelterās late night regular speaks in a goddamn heartbeat.
āWoo?ā you scowl as he maneuvers himself to the front of the line, bringing out that same Louis Vuitton wallet you were ogling the last time you saw him.Ā
He pulls out a few banknotes and places them on top of the counter with what you think is a smile behind his mask. āCouple that with four iced americanos please.ā
You purposely hold your tongue about your personal vendetta against that particular drink as the barista nods, punching in Wooās order and asking for a name. Just when you thought heād say the same one heād given when youād asked, howeverā
āSoonyoung. Oh, and Iāll get those drinks to go, please.āĀ
Your gaze is on him the entire time as the two of you shuffle to the end of the counter to wait for your drinks. Woo is doing a pretty okay job at playing it cool despite the fact that he lied about the names on his orders. Or maybe he lied when he told you his name was Woo.Ā
Either way, does it matter? Itās not strange for people to make up fake names for baristas to write on their coffeesāMina does it all the time. But something about the idea that the man standing in front of you doesnāt look like a Soonyoung bothers you more than it should. It makes you wonder what his actual name is and if itās weird to ask when he already gave you one to address him withā
āDidnāt think Iād see you here,ā he suddenly says and you nearly have a heart attack.
āUh,ā you start somewhat dumbly, before finally getting a hold of your brain. āI live around the area. Thought I could use a drink if I didnāt want to sleep through my lecture notes.ā
He lets out a low chuckle and at that moment, you let yourself observe him a little more closely. His hair is hidden behind a black beanie which he expertly paired with an equally black parka thatās zipped up all the way. Heās wearing a different pair of glasses todayāone with thick, black framesāand youāre starting to get an idea of what his favorite color might be.
āIs that why I havenāt seen you at the shelter these days?ā he wonders. āEvery time I dropped by last week, you werenāt on shift.ā
Oh. Shit, heās been visiting still? And he was looking for you?
āYup, I needed to take a few days off because if I wanna graduate, Iāve got to keep myself from failing any of my majors,ā you explain as briefly as you canānot wanting to go into detail about GPA requirements and your thesis. āHow about you? Whyāre you out and about at this hour, Soonyoung?ā
Itās kind of adorable, how the tips of his ears flush pink at your words. āSoonyoungās one of my friends. I actually went out tonight because I lost a bet and had to buy four of us coffee.ā
Youāre not sure how and why you feel a wave of relief wash over you, so instead, you brush the feeling aside before leaning against the counter. āLost a bet about what, pray tell?ā
Woo is quiet for a while, as if contemplating if he should unveil his losses to someone whoās virtually still a stranger before letting out a defeated sigh.
āMario Kart.ā
The snort you let out draws a few curious stares from other customers sitting near the counter and you force out an apology thatās underscored with a hiccup of laughter. Woo doesnāt seem at all offended by your reaction though. In fact, he seems even amused by it.
Not ten seconds later, the barista calls out hisārather, Soonyoungās name and he hands you your drink while he carries a takeout package in his other hand. You try not to think too much about the way his fingers brush against yours when he gives it to you, thanking him despite the obvious redness settling across your cheeks.
āI actually meant to text you last week but I didnāt know if you were comfortable with it,ā Woo admits as he opens the door to the coffee shop for youāthanking him as you step out of the air conditioned space and into the humid evening air. āI wanted to ask about the adoption requirements at the shelter.ā
Part of you is a little skeptical about his explanation because⦠If heās been dropping by your workplace as often as he claimed last week, then he couldāve just asked the other staff about the details. Why wait until he meets you again to bring it up?Ā
But of course, youāre way too polite to ask that to his face.
āI donāt mind you texting me about that orā¦anything, really,ā you say, turning up the flap on the lid of your espresso before taking a small sip. Bearable. āItās not like Iām too busy to respond to you. Well, I kinda am, but I can spare a few minutes.ā
Woo nods with a soft laugh. āOkay. Iāll just get into detail via text later. I gotta bring these coffees back or theyāll chew me out for the rest of the night for being late. Oh, but do you need someone to walk home with you?ā
The idea of having your not-work crush escorting you home flusters you more than it should and when you take another sip of your drink, it nearly goes down the wrong hole. Woo pats your back in comforting fashion when you sputter from your coffee, tears stinging your eyes as you attempt to breathe like a normal person. Fuck, you must look so fucking weird right now.
āI-I, um, sorry about that.ā You cough into your fist, laughing uneasily as you grip your drink a little too tightly. āNo, itās fine. I only live a few blocks away.ā
Now that you mention it, does that mean Woo is the same? If heās out here in this specific neighborhood at this specific hour, that would only mean he lives in the area, or is at least staying for the meantime, right? But before you could get swept up by your own curiosity, you immediately sweep any and all ideas under the rug.
āOh, thatāsāthatās good to know.ā
He sounds disappointed. Why does he sound disappointed?
āSo I guess this is goodbye? ā you start.Ā
Woo nods briskly. āYup. Iāll keep in touch.ā
You chuckle. āThatās what you said last time.ā
Whoa. Were you propositioning him or something? Sometimes, it baffles you how one minute, youāre choking on a cup of coffeeāseveral shades embarrassedāand the next, youāre practically daring him to text you like he said he would.
āAnd Iāll make good on that as soon as time permits.ā Woo shakes his head with a laugh. āIt was nice seeing you again, though. Good luck with your exams.ā
You canāt help the way your cheeks heat up yet again at the thought of him having remembered that you mentioned your exams. āThanks. I think I need all the luck I can get.ā
When Woo turns to look at you through those thick-rimmed glasses, you almost wish you could see the smile thatās undoubtedly spreading behind that pesky mask of his.Ā
āIāll be happy to give it to you every time then.ā
Today was probably the shittiest day of the week.
Not only did you spectacularly flunk the exam you took this morning whilst running on less than two hours of sleep, but your thesis adviser emailed you about several concerns regarding the latest version of your manuscript. Needless to say, you spent a good chunk of your day holed up in the university library, consulting new reference materials to back up your data since the ones you used were much too outdated for your adviserās liking.Ā
It shouldāve been something youād consider a walk in the park, given the many revisions that have preceded this one, but it just so happens that youāve got three more exams to worry about for the remainder of the week. Meaning, you had to squeeze in a few minutes of studying in between editing your newest draft and telling yourself that maybe it wouldnāt be too bad if you got held back for one semester before graduating.Ā
Youāve been so caught up with your piling academic responsibilities that youāve barely looked at your phone. You only deigned to dig it out of the deepest pit of your backpack when you got a little hungry and wondered if they still let food delivery guys past the school gates. To your surprise, youāre greeted with a few text messages that you immediately feel horrible for not replying to the moment they were delivered.Ā
Unknown Number [10:45]: So about those adoption requirementsā¦
Unknown Number [11:33]: Oh. Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. Itās Woo.
Ignoring the fact that youāre obviously famished, you hastily type in a response after marking down Wooās number with a black cat emoji right next to his name. It takes a moment because youāre so shaky, you end up suffering from a few typos here and there.
Me [13:10]: hey! sorry i was a bit busy and i just saw theseā¦
Me [13:10]: what do you wanna know? iām on a self-imposed lunch break rn
Woo šā⬠[13:15]: No worries, I figured you got a long day ahead. Hope lunch is good at least.
Me [13:16]: actually, i havenāt ordered anything yet ācause time got away from me but Anyways
Me [13:16]: you wanted details abt the adoption process?
Woo šā⬠[13:18]: What? You haven't eaten yet?
Me [13:18]: yeah, but itās no big deal. i could just have some food delivered.
Woo šā⬠[13:19]: Well, Iām out right now. I could just buy some food for you and drop it off.Ā
Your eyes practically bulge out of their sockets when you read each word of Wooās text message. Is he being serious right now? The guy just paid for your coffee last nightāa coffee that you forgot to pay back because of how surprising the circumstances were. Now heās offering to buy you lunch?
Me [13:20]: you really donāt have to, i swear!! iāve still got a few discount vouchers in baenim
Woo šā⬠[13:22]: I insist. Iāve got my bike with me anyway.
Me [13:22]: bike? like, a bicycle?
Woo šā⬠[13:23]: Mmm. Close. Anyway, what food do you want?Ā
Now what the hell does that mean?
Part of you feels like you should be freaked out with howā¦kind heās being to you. The world is full of weirdos who play the nice guy just to do something despicable to you in the end. Yet another part of youāa less reasonable one, admittedlyāinsists that Woo is nothing like that, despite the fact that you barely know the guy.Ā
Then again, youāre tired, stressed out, and barely slept a wink last night. If the hot guy youāve been quote-unquote crushing on is offering to buy you food, whereās the harm in accepting?
Me [13:25]: fine. i could use some yangnyeom chicken and tteokbokki.Ā
Woo šā⬠[13:26]: Nice. I know a good place.Ā
Woo šā⬠[13:27]: Iāll head out in a few, so just text me the address.
Right after sending your universityās pin location to Woo, you start to consider the chance of him being some sort of serial stalker. Could he be biding his time, trying to let your guard down and easing personal information out of you so he could do something nefarious when he gets you alone? Fuck. Maybe itās a good idea you didnāt let him walk you home yesterdayā¦
But despite the very real possibility of Woo being someone with bad intentions regardless of how nice he is, you see no problem in meeting him at the school gates when he arrives with your food. In fact, you donāt even feel apprehensive of him in spite of all the ideas you conjured in your head over the past hour.Ā Ā
Me [14:15]: where are you?
Woo šā⬠[14:16]: Parked by the curb in front of a bookstore. You canāt miss me.
Ā Me [14:16]: i donāt even know what you Look like today, genius
Woo šā⬠[14:17]: I told you, Iāve got my bike with me. I donāt see anyone else looking the same way within a twenty meter radius.Ā
You have to fight the urge to roll your eyes. For someone you deemed as āniceā, he can get pretty mouthy if he wants to.Ā
You head to the general direction of the bookstore that Woo was talking about as you try to ignore your growling stomach. Given that the lunch rush is more or less over, the usual crowd of pedestrians has considerably thinned out and it makes it easier for you to scan the vicinity for any bike-wielding impromptu delivery guys.Ā
However, the only person that does stand out to you is some dude wearing a black leather jacket, chilling next to an expensive looking motorcycle as he taps away on his phone with a matching pair of leather gloves and everything. His face is obscured by a black helmet and you wouldāve let your gaze go past him had it not been for a sudden realization that hits you right there.
Bike? Like, a bicycle?
Mmm. Close.
āWoo!āĀ
Of course the leather jacket-clad, expensive motorcycle-wielding man looks up at the sound of his name being called from across the street. The visor of his helmet is drawn all the way up and you could see that he isnāt wearing his glasses for good reason. He seems to perk up at the sight of you before grabbing something from the trunk of his motorcycle and jogging to meet you where you stood.
Youāve seen him sporting a spectrum of comfortable outfits during his late night visits, but this is the first time youāve witnessed Woo looking as dapper as he is now.
āLate lunch delivery?āĀ
You donāt even try to hide the way you roll your eyes as you accept the paper bag he hands to you. āThanks. How much do I owe you now? You already got me coffee and now lunch.ā
He shakes his head and you find it a little ridiculous, considering heās still wearing that huge helmet of his. āItās on me. Itās the least I could do to repay you for being so accommodating.ā
āWoo, I havenāt done shit for you ācause youāre yet to properly talk to me about the adoption process. What on earth are you talking about?āĀ
āBut you will do shit for me when we do talk about it. Iām just repaying the favor in advance,ā he rebuts cheekily before pulling back the sleeve of his jacket to check for the time. āThough as much as I want to do that now, I need to catch a flight in a few hours.ā
That makes your expression morph into disbelief. āYou need to catch a what?ā
āA flight. Gotta head to Japan for a few days,ā Woo tells you nonchalantly, as if heading to Japan for a few days is something people do on a regular basis. āCan you make sure no one else takes Hani home before I can settle everything on my end?ā
You tell yourself that youāve got time to mull over what this guy does for a living some other time. Clearing your throat, you manage an awkward smile. āUm, yeah, sure thing. Youāre really attached to her, arenāt you?āĀ
āYou can say that again,ā he laughs softly. āShe kinda reminds me of myself from a long time ago⦠But anyway, Iāve gotta go. Tell me what you think about the chicken when youāre done with it?ā
You nod. āIāll be as brutally honest with my review as possible.ā
āJust the way I like it,ā Woo replies, eyes crinkling with amusement.
When you head back to the library, the person you were sharing a table with looked after your stuff for you while you were gone. You thank her profusely before settling back into your seat, grabbing the takeout packages from the paper bag that Woo personally delivered to you.Ā
Before you can start wolfing down the delectable-smelling chicken he brought, however, you notice a cute sticky note plastered on the lidāa doodle of a cat with glasses and a speech bubble that says you can do it~ scribbled on the corner.
Donāt overwork yourself. Itās been ages since my last exam, but I know how hard it can be. Make sure to eat properly so you can absorb all the info you need.
When your head bangs against one of the many wooden tables in the library, the person seated at the far end stares at you with a concerned look. You canāt muster the energy to assure her that everythingās alright, though becauseā¦
That quote-unquote crush of yours?Ā
Itās starting to become a little too real.
Youāre in the middle of throwing out old files from the back room archive when Mina peeks her head into the doorway and says, āYouāve got a visitor again.ā
One glance at the old wall clock hung above the steel cabinets tells you that itās midnight, but you know for one that this mystery visitor isnāt Woo this time around.Ā
Youāve been keeping in touch with him through Kakao, since you canāt exactly afford to send international text messages to Japan and your new friend(?) has been keeping you posted about his shenanigans for the past week. He hasnāt replied to your last message from over three hours ago and youāre not so delusional to think he got on a plane back to Korea and is suddenly here to surprise you.
When you see who it is, though, your heart warms just a little.
āWhy havenāt you been texting me back?ā Haewon, your sister whoās two years younger, gets up from the seats lined up across the walls of the lobby. āI missed you!āĀ
You shake your head before pulling her into a hug. āI missed you, she says. But youāre really just looking for someone to show you around the city again, arenāt you?ā
āHey, missing you and needing a chaperone arenāt mutually exclusive,ā she huffs and you notice that sheās in full fangirl gear againāa lightstick hanging off a strap slung across her shoulder, a windbreaker with her favorite boybandās logo sewn on the front pocket, and of course, a photocard of Mingyu dangling from her little handbag.
Despite the fact that sheās also in college, Haewon chose to stay in your hometown in Jeju to pursue her studies there instead. The first few months since you left were the hardestāso unused to not having your little sister go on and on and on about how much she loves SEVENTEEN. But youāve also come to appreciate the peace and quiet that living alone in Seoul affords you.Ā
Besides, with how much money sheās raised for being one of the more well-known event organizers in her fandom, Haewon can pretty much come visit you in Seoul whenever she feels like it.Ā
āIām guessing your thirteen boyfriends have a thing going on?ā you ask before glancing over at the playroom to make sure there arenāt any kittens left inside.Ā
Haewon nods enthusiastically. āYup, theyāre having a mini fanmeet outside their company building in a few daysāā
āIn a few days?ā you parrot before gesturing for her to follow you in the break room so you can get changed. āWhatāre you doing out here all dressed up then?ā
While youāre not well-versed in fandom jargon, you have learned a few terms from Haewon here and there. Plus, she already took you to a cupsleeve event for another memberās birthday once. Youāre not really sure who it was because the only one you do consistently remember is Mingyuāyour sisterās ultimate bias, apparently.Ā
āWhat made you stop by then?ā you wonder as you exchanged your work uniform for a loose shirt. āYou didnāt tell me you were coming in advance. I couldāve fetched you from the airport.ā
āI did tell you in advance.ā She pouts. āBut you said you were busy working on your manuscript when I did, so it mustāve slipped your mind.ā
Oh. Okay, now you feel bad. āSorry. Iāll make it up to you this weekend with dinner?āĀ
Haewon whines. āUnnie, their fanmeet is on Saturday and I leave on Sunday.ā
āSo? How long is that going to be anyway?ā
āUh, all day?ā
You sigh. āFine. How about you crash in my place tonight and we can rewatch Hometown Cha Cha Cha while stuffing our faces with ramen?ā
āDeal.ā
After timing out for the evening, you say goodbye to Mina, whoās just waiting up for your other coworkers whoāll cover the next shift. Haewon talks your ear off about what happened in the event she attended as you both walked back to your apartment and, while only some of the things sheās saying makes sense to you, itās nice to be in your little sisterās company again.Ā
āOh, by the way, here.ā
You stare at her curiously as she rummages through her bag, handing you a photocard enclosed in a dainty-looking toploader.Ā
āWhatās this for?ā you ask.Ā
āYou told me back then that Wonwoo was your type,ā Haewon explains with a grin. āSo I did my best in one of the parlor games and won that extremely in-demand photocard just for you.ā
You scan the piece of idol merchandise in your hands for a few minutes moreāstaring at Wonwooās face as if waiting for him to speak. You never really understood the appeal of collecting photocards. As long as it makes Haewon happy, you wonāt bat an eyelash.
But now sheās giving you one to keep for yourself and the more you stare at the idol printed on the sturdy paper, the more you think that youāve seen him somewhere.
Then again, Haewon has been talking about these boys since they debuted years ago. The familiarity mustāve stemmed from those numerous fancams and music show performances that she forced you to sit down and watch with her.Ā
āYou better take care of him, okay?ā Haewon pouts. āIf I see him suddenly being sold for a high price, Iām never going to let you live it down.ā
āI barely know how the market for this works, so you donāt have to worry about that,ā you chuckle before carefully sliding the toploader inside your own bag. āSo what ramen are we eating? Shin Ramyun or something else?ā
Me [21:17]: btw, when are you coming back again?Ā
Me [21:20]: someone was asking about hani earlier and i feel like youāve gotta come back here to assert your dominance.
Woo šā⬠[02:35]: Shit, sorry. I forgot about the time.
Woo šā⬠[02:35]: My friends and I had a birthday celebration at the izakaya near our hotel. Itās been a while since we got to unwind like this.
Woo šā⬠[02:36]: Anyway, whoās the funny guy who thought he could have my cat?
Me [02:38]: wow. YOUR cat? š¤Øš¤Øš¤Ø
Woo šā⬠[02:40]: Youāre still awake?
Me [02:40]: yeah, my little sister is in seoul and weāre binging our favorite drama
Me [02:41]: how about you? why are You still awake?
Woo šā⬠[02:45]: Taking care of drunk friends. Remember Soonyoung?
Me [02:45]: what about him?
Woo šā⬠[02:47]: Pleading for forgiveness in the toilet while he retches his guts out.
Me [02:47]: huh. some birthday party. whoās the celebrant anyway?
Woo šā⬠[02:47]: Me.
āWhoa. You okay?ā Haewon asks when you suddenly lurch forward on the couch, choking on the ramen you were in the middle of slurping.Ā
You thank your sister when she offers you a glass of water and you gulp it down to soothe the burning sensation in your throat. āItās fine. I just received a surprising text is all.ā
āFrom a boyfriend?ā she teases.
You scowl. āNo. From a friend. Just a friend.ā
āBoo. But youāll tell me once you land yourself your very own Hong Dusik, right?ā
The look on your face only worsens at the reference sheās made to the drama thatās still playing on screen. āIād actually rather die than have someone like Dusik as a boyfriend. If the whole enemies to lovers thing works with Hyejin, it really won't with me.ā
āTrue, youāve always been a mellow lover,ā Haewon agrees and you roll your eyes. āThatās why Wonwoo would be perfect for you~ā
āI think me landing a Hong Dusik-esque boyfriend is more likely than me getting together with a world famous idol but okay.ā
Youāre momentarily distracted from your conversation when your phone vibrates in your lap again, andā Fuck.Ā
You forgot to reply to Woo.
Woo šā⬠[02:55]: Fell asleep on me already?
Me [02:56]: no, no. sorry. my sister was just talking to me.Ā
Me [02:56]: anyway, itās your BIRTHDAY?
Woo šā⬠[02:57]: Hahaha, yes. Itās been a while since I could sit down and actually celebrate it with my friends.Ā
Me [02:58]: is that why you went all the way to japan? for a little birthday getaway?
Woo šā⬠[02:58]: Hm⦠something like thatĀ
Me [03:00]: iāll give you haniās adoption papers as a gift
Me [03:01]: that or you let ME treat YOU to something nice for a change
Woo šā⬠[03:05]: Well, Iāll be back in Korea this Saturday, but wonāt be free until late at night.
Me [03:05]: back to regular programming, huh?
Me [03:06]: we can celebrate later if youāre busy, you know.Ā
Woo šā⬠[03:07]: Itās okay. I wanted to spend time with you anyways.
āYou sure thatās just a friend youāre talking to?ā Haewon asks with an unimpressed stare as you choke on your instant noodles for the second time. āThe only way Iād react like that to a text is if my friend told me one of our professors is fucking his TA despite being married. If thatās the case, you gotta let me in on the juicy details.ā
You make a face at her. āIsnāt that way too specific?ā
āIsnāt that way too specific?ā Haewon mocks. āWhatever youāve got going on with this friend of yours, promise Iāll be the first to know once you make it official?ā
āHaewon!ā
For the sake of your own sanity, you only reply to Wooās message once youāre tucked in bed and Haewon is comfortably dozing on the couch in the living room. Sheās a heavy sleeper that passes out quickly after a long day, so you donāt feel particularly worried about your little sister barging into your room when you type out a response.
Me [03:43]: gotcha. just meet me at the shelter after your thing.Ā
Me [03:45]: happy birthday, woo.
You donāt wait for him to type out a reply anymoreāeyes drooping into slumber as you let the screen of your phone fade into sleep mode.Ā
Unbeknownst to you, a man who just finished putting his intoxicated friends to bed an ocean away stares at your chat history with a fond smile, heart racing just a few beats faster at the prospect of what awaits him at home.
Youāre just about done cleaning up the big dog kennels when Woo drops by on a bright Saturday morning.Ā
The sound of his deep āhelloā nearly made you drop all the cleaning utensils you were about to put away. When you turn around to confirm that the shelterās nighttime regular has indeed switched things up and decided to visit during daylight hours, youāre too busy scowling at him to mind the fact that youāre all gross and sweaty from all the hard labor.Ā
Sure, you texted him about taking up a day shift today, but you definitely didnāt expect him to visit when he just got back to Korea a few hours ago.Ā
Surprisingly, Woo isnāt donned in all black this time around. Heās wearing a gray pullover with some muddled text you canāt quite read with the hood pulled all the way up, concealing the white cap resting on top of his head. Of course, his signature face mask is still in between you and his no doubt handsome countenance, but youāll take what you can get.
āWhatāre you doing here?ā you ask, a bit breathless before you notice that takeout bag heās setting down on one of the empty tables. āI thought youāre not gonna be free until tonight.ā
āThought you could use another lunch fix,ā he says nonchalantly. āWell that and I wanted to personally give you some cool trinkets from Japan.ā
The sentiment makes your heart stir a little, but you end up voicing out a dry laugh before stuffing the shelterās cleaning paraphernalia inside the broom closet. āKeep doing all these nice things and Iāll start thinking youāre in love with me.ā
Woo laughs but does absolutely nothing to deny the allegations.
āHere.ā Your brows arch a little when he fishes something from the pocket of his hoodie, handing it to you. āI wasnāt sure which one youād like so I just got all of them.ā
Youāre a bit reluctant to receive his gift in your current stateādirty hands, dirty clothes, dirty everythingābut Woo doesnāt seem to mind when he drops a small plastic package full ofā¦
āKitties!ā You coo out loud at the assortment of colorful enamel pins inside before gawking at him. āSeriously, Woo, youāre way too nice to me. Iām starting to feel indebted.ā
He shakes his head with an adorable laugh. āItās nothing. I swear. They just reminded me of you when my friends and I passed this one booth at a festival.ā
Shit. They reminded him of you?
āSo are you finally going to sit down and talk to me about adopting Hani or are you gonna keep skirting around again, mister?ā You place a hand on your hip, pointing an accusatory finger in his direction as you tuck his gift safely in the back pocket of your jeans.
āSurprise, I actually came here to do just that. I still have an hour free before I have to go to work,ā Woo admits and him mentioning work taps in on your innate curiosity about what he does for a living. āBut your coworker said something about rounding up the dogs and putting them back in the kennel?ā
Oh. Shit.Ā
As if on cue, Minaāalong with a few on shift volunteersāemerge down the hall, all of their hands gripping several leashes as an army of dogs fills the hallway with excited and agitated barking alike.Ā
āAre we good to go?ā Mina yells over the noise.
Trying not to look too disappointed that your time with Woo has been cut short, you give Mina a thumbs up before striding off to meet them halfway. You take it upon yourself to take a few of the dogs off one of the volunteersā hands and he looks at you with withering relief when you do.Ā
āYep. Everythingās as fresh as a daisy now,ā you inform them. āHope these guys didnāt make too big of a mess up in the front though. That would mean Kinoās turn for cleaning duty came a little early.ā
āHey!ā The volunteer in question complains. āIāve got a date later, noona. Donāt go saying weird stuff like that.ā
Youāre just about to tease him a little more but you suddenly feel the force of a couple of former strays tugging you forward disappear. Thatās when you notice that Woo made his way to your side, guiding the dogs silently as he helps lead the first of them to the kennel.
āOh, you donāt have to,ā you insist but your friend(?) merely shakes his head.Ā
āItās no big deal,ā Woo reassures.
It doesnāt help that this particular hallway is a little cramped. Youāre practically standing arm to arm as you all make it to the end. You can practically smell the expensive cologne wafting from his clothes amidst the scent of dog fur thatās starting to permeate the air. When Woo lets out another soft laugh when one of the dogs he has on a leash licks his hand, you know itās over for you.
It takes about half an hour to settle all fifteen big dogs into their respective cages and by the time itās over, youāre convinced that you need a shower now more than ever. As Mina and the rest of the volunteers head back to the reception room, you decide to take a break and help yourself to the takeout that Woo personally delivered yet again.
āThanks for your help. Cleaning day is really one of the toughest days of the month. Especially when we have to clean up the big dog kennels,ā you sigh before plopping into an empty seat in the break room.Ā
āDonāt mention it,ā he says and you find yourself imagining a smile behind his mask yet again. āI actually have a dog at home, too, so I would now. But sheās definitely more tame than these guys.ā
That makes you pause. āIs that why youāre beating around the bush so much about adopting Hani? You think she wonāt get along with your dog?ā
He hums a little before stuffing his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. āThatās one of the reasons, yes.ā
āWell, you wonāt know unless you try,ā you huff as you unseal the takeout packageāthe delectable scent of yangnyeom chicken pervading your senses. āAnyway, youāre going to sign the papers this time, right? Right?ā
You have a feeling that youāve finally got him cornered, but before Woo can even formulate a response, a ringtone that definitely isnāt yours starts going off inside the break room.Ā
Your friend(????) answers it with a wistful sigh.Ā
Itās so quiet that you can vaguely make out the voice at the other end of the line saying, āHyung. Everyoneās looking for you. Where are you?ā
You try not to stare at Woo as he takes the call out of pure decencyādistracting yourself with your food. But you canāt help but listen in when their conversation is the only thing you can hear at the moment.Ā
āYeah, Iāll be there soon. Tell everyone Iām sorry for the hold up, Mingyu.āĀ
The moment that name leaves Wooās mouth, you freeze mid-chew. Did he say Mingyu? Likeā¦the idol that Haewon is downright obsessed with? No⦠It was probably just someone with the same name. It is pretty common, after all.
When he ends the call, you flash him a tight-lipped smile that manages to conceal your momentary surprise. āRain check?ā
āRain check,ā Woo sighs in agreement.Ā
You nod. āItās okay. The more you keep delaying Haniās adoption, the more presents I get from you.ā
āAnd youāre absolutely right about that,ā he humors you before reaching out to ruffle your hair. You havenāt even recovered from that little gesture he just did when he asks, āHope our plans for later are still up though?ā
Woo mustāve caught the look on your face with the way he retracts the hand that was just on top of your head to snicker into his palm. āDonāt tell me you forgot. We were supposed to celebrate my birthday, remember?ā
Curse you and your habit of making plans at ass oāclock in the morning. You always forget them!
āUh, it kinda slipped my mind?ā you admit sheepishly as you pick at your food. āI ended up going for a day shift ācause I have to see my sister off at the airport tomorrow.āĀ
He nods in earnest and it kind of makes you feel bad about your short term memory. āItās alright. Iāll just drop by some other time to get the paperwork over with. Iāve disturbed you enough as it is.ā
āNo, itās fine!ā
Your sudden outburst makes Woo look up at you with a confused stare. āHm?ā
āI-I can still meet up with you later,ā you stammer and you have to force yourself not to bury your face in your hands out of sheer embarrassment. Pull yourself together, damn. āIf youāre not too tired from your plans for the day, of course.ā
He mentioned something about having to go to work, and while you canāt imagine what sort of work has to be urgently done on a Saturday, youāll still respect his time.Ā
Woo blinks for a few seconds, as if still digesting what you just said before his eyes disappear behind his glasses with a soft chuckle. Your brows cinch together, not getting whatās so funny.Ā
āNoted. Iāll come pick you up here later, still? If youāre not comfortable with sharing your address with me yet.āĀ
Heās so thoughtful, you might actually give him all your personal details at this point. But at the end of the day youāre actually a person with a head full of common sense, so you answer him with, āSure thing. Thanks for going out of your way to come hang out despite how busy you are.ā
āNo, thank you for always putting up with me,ā Woo insists with a shake of his head. āI swear Iām not hassling you with this whole adoption thing on purpose. Thereās justā¦a lot of things to consider on my end. I hope you understand.ā
You wave away his concerns with a laugh. āJust keep getting me more of this chicken and weāll call it quits.ā
āYouāve got yourself a deal.ā
When Woo sees himself out of the break room, you fumble for the plastic package in the back of your jeansātaking one of the adorable black cat enamels before pinning it in the front pocket of your uniform. You canāt help the smile that creeps up your face when you see your reflection on the small mirror sitting on the table.Ā
How could you be this down bad for someone whose entire face youāve never even seen before?Ā
Haewon šŖ· [17:20]: Are you suuure you donāt wanna come to the fan meet?
Haewon šŖ· [17:21]: Iāve still got a few extra passes :3c youād get to see wonwoo in the flesh!
MeĀ [17:30]: why do you want to set me up with wonwoo so badlyĀ
Haewon šŖ· [17:31]: Bc weāre sisters? And itād be cool if we stanned MinWon together?
MeĀ [17:32]: ā¦not even gonna ask you to elaborate on that
Haewon šŖ· [18:00]: Unnie ć ć
Me [18:00]: why? whatās wrong, hae?
Haewon šŖ·[ 18:05]: Mingyu looks sooooo much better than I remember
Haewon šŖ·[18:06]: The girlfriend allegations must be true
Haewon šŖ· [18:06]: Only a man in love can smile like that!
Me [18:07]: or: a man who relies on fanservice to get paid?
Haewon šŖ·[ 18:08]: RUDE!!!!
Haewon šŖ· [18:08]: Hereās a pic of Wonwoo to shut you up
Haewon šŖ· [18:09]: [Sent an attachment]
Me [18:10]: idk if i should find the fact that you think some kpop guy affects me in any capacity amusing or concerning
Haewon šŖ· [18:11]: !!!! Take that back wtf?? Wonwoo isnāt just āsome kpop guyā?????
Me [18:10]: sure he isnāt.
Haewon šŖ· [19:45]: Good news!!
Me [19:45]: youāre finally going to get off my back about the whole wonwoo thing?
Haewon šŖ· [19:46]: No ^_^ My Monday final got canceled so I can stay in Seoul for a day more!
Haewon šŖ· [19:46]: Aka you donāt have to wake up early to drag your ass to the airport w me
Me [19:47]: oh. thatās cool. whatāre your plans for tomorrow then?
Haewon šŖ· [19:48]: Gonna attend the pre-recording for a music show :3
Me [19:50]: ā¦Haewon i swear to god if you ask me to do what youāre about to ask me to do
Haewon šŖ· [19:50]: Come with me pretty pleaaaase?
Haewon šŖ· [19:51]: Iām using my adorable dongsaeng powers to get you to agree
Me [19:55]: thereās no talking my way out of this, is there?
Haewon šŖ· [19:55]: Nope <3
Me [19:56]: fine. just text me the details. i need to go out soon.Ā
Haewon šŖ· [19:56]: HEHE have fun !!
You werenāt lying when you texted Haewon that you had to go out soon. You agreed that youād meet up with Woo for his post-birthday celebration at 9 P.M. Hell, you even called a local bakery to have a personalized cake made for pick-up before you head over to the rendezvous point. Everything was already set right from the start.
But then you ended up falling asleep while scrolling through Twitter and now the clock reads 10:45 P.M., and youāre rushing to pull on a ratty sweater instead of the cute outfit you planned for the night as you rush out of your apartment.
Me [10:47]: FUCK IM SORRY
Me [10:47]: i was SUPPOSED to take a five minute nap but i didnāt realize how tired i was
Me [10:48]: are you still up to hang out? i totally get it if not though.
You immediately stuff your phone in the pocket of your jeansānot even bothering to glance at Wooās reply when it vibrates with a text notification. Your conscience is much too guild-ridden to read any sort of reassurance heād undoubtedly give to you despite how long youāve made him wait.Ā
Two hours, jeez. Youād be furious if someone was that late on you.
When you arrive at the shelter after doing a couple of quick detours, youāre panting like you just won first place in a marathon. Needless to say, itās a pitiful sight to behold when Woo is leaning across his motorcycleālooking much too attractive in that stupid leather jacket of his.Ā
āIs this what the kids call fashionably late these days?ā he chuckles.
If you werenāt so apologetic, you wouldāve rolled your eyes so instead, you give him a crumpled paper bag with a smile that borders on overcompensating.
āHappy birthday?ā
Woo looks like he was just about to say something until a quiet mewl interrupts him midway. You gaze at him with a puzzled look until he stifles a soft laugh, pulling the lapel of his jacket open to revealā
āHani?ā You scowl.
The black kitten is tucked away snugly in the inner pocket of Wooās jacketānearly blending in with the leather. Itās almost as if two pairs of big yellow eyes are staring at you from a void.Ā
āFinally got the papers over with when you fell asleep on me,ā Woo chuckles before scratching behind her ears. āSo I guess it wasnāt so bad that you made me wait for two hours.āĀ
āHey, I said I was sorry!ā
āYes, and I heard you,ā he insists before peering inside the paper bag you gave him. āWhatās this?ā
āNo peeking until we get to your good old thinking spot,ā you scold, smacking his hand away.Ā
A hand that you just noticed is also clad in a leather glove.Ā
He shakes his head playfully before putting his arms up in surrender. āFor someone whoās two hours late, youāre pretty demanding.ā
āWoo!ā
During his last few days in Japan, Woo told you about his favorite thinking spot thatās specifically located beneath Hannam Bridge. Thereās an old watchtower that was built before the bridge even existed. I go there when I want to clear my head.Ā
When he said he wanted to bring you there for his belated birthday bash, the ghastly possibility of him turning out to be a serial killer luring you to your doom crossed your mind for half a second before you ended up agreeing anyway.
Now here you are, drowning in the musk of his cologne as you press your cheek against the fabric of his jacket. Heās definitely going past the speed limit with how sharply the wind sings in your ears, but instead of complaining about it, you tighten your arms around his torsoāletting the warmth of his body seep into yours.Ā
āItās not so scary if you donāt think about it too much,ā you hear him shout from the front. āLook to your right! This is why Iāve always liked doing late night rides!ā
Easy for him to say. Heās brave enough to harbor a kitten inside his jacket and a person whoās never ridden a motorcycle before at a hundred kilometers per hour! But despite how terrified you are of falling off his bike, you do as he says anyways.
When you tilt your gaze in the direction of the Han River, youāre immediately greeted by the dazzling lights that glimmer across the water. You havenāt been to the districts on the other side of the river, but you think youāre content with getting to see them from afar.
With the roar of an engine ringing in your ears. With the summer evening breeze whipping past your face.
With your arms around someone whoās slowly but surely leaving his mark in your life.Ā
āAre you sure this is legal?ā
Your companion glances behind him as he makes his way to the aforementioned watch towerāa knapsack full of god-knows-what slung around his shoulder while he carries the paper bag with your āgiftā in his free hand. āIāve never seen a single āNo Trespassing' sign since Iāve started going here ages ago, so probably.ā
āProbably?ā you parrot and Hani, who youāve deigned to carry in your arms after that grueling motorcycle ride, meows as if sheās just as incredulous as you are. āSo itās still possible for us to get arrested?ā
āYeah, but whatās life without a little risk?āĀ
Unbelievable.
Yet, despite the common sense you were oh-so proud of this morning, you still follow him up the winding steps of the watchtower, which is hardly even a watchtower given that itās a few meters beneath the widest bridge in the city. Woo wasnāt lying about his strange description of it after all.
āWell, here we are,ā he announces when the two of you reach the platform on the very top. The edges are lined with metal rails that are beginning to rust with age, but seem sturdy enough to grant you some sense of securityāno matter how sparse. āIāll just set this up. You can go enjoy the view if you want.ā
Woo doesnāt even let you get a word in before he unzips his bag and brings out a checkered picnic blanket. He gently lays it across the dusty concrete, smoothing out the fabric before fishing some more stuff inside his gym-bag-turned-picnic-basket. You keep yourself from making any snide comments about his choice of venue because despite the unorthodox location, you actually get why heād find it peaceful here.
Itās far enough from the freeway that the sound of vehicles rushing through the night can barely reach your ears. If you listen closely enough, you can even hear the water flowing below much more clearly. You close your eyes to get a better feel of the placeāimagining a six-foot something guy leaning across the rusty railings as he watches the city lights sparkle across the Han River.
āThere we go.āĀ
You startle when you feel Wooās warm, leather-clad hand on your shoulderāprompting you to turn around and see his handiwork. In the middle of the picnic blanket is something that looks suspiciously like a portable emergency light. How he got his hands on something like that, youāre not entirely sure, so you decide to focus on the other details instead.Ā
Like the two unopened bottles of soju right next to a take-out package of your favorite yangnyeom chicken.Ā
āDidnāt we agree that I was treating you to something this time around?ā you grumble as you absentmindedly stroke Haniās fur.Ā
āWe did, but then you overslept andāā
āOkay, fine! Point taken!ā
Woo snickers as he hands you the paper bag you brought for the trip. It looks even worse than it was when you ran all the way to the shelter and you can only hope the package inside isnāt completely ruined.Ā
You decide to let Hani down inside the gym bag that Woo left unzipped. Surprisingly, the newly adopted kitten makes a home out of it quicklyācurling up into a ball as her tail swishes every now and again. Cute.
āDonāt judge, okay?ā You breathe out nervously as you take the plastic container out of the bag. āI had a legit cake custom-made and everything butā¦yeah. Overslept.ā
When Woo doesnāt respond a second too long, your gaze nervously rivets to his face to parse for a reaction. Was he disappointed? Should you have gotten a different design?
The moment you see the dazzled look in his eyes, however, you realize that isnāt the case.
He receives the little cupcake with open arms when you give it to him. Itās chocolate topped with bad fondant icing art, but you didnāt really have a choice. When you spotted it in the convenience store earlier, you grabbed the one that looked most like a kitten and dipped. Itās nice to know that he might actually like it after all.
āOh and uh, sorry, but I couldnāt bring any candles for you to blow,ā you add sheepishly. āYou can just make a wish and pretend.āĀ
Wooās gaze drifts to you for a moment before his eyes crinkle with laughter. āI donāt really have to do that though. My wish has already come true.ā
Huh?
To your chagrin, he doesnāt elaborate. Instead, Woo invites you to sit on the picnic blanketācarefully removing his boots so he wouldnāt track dirt all over the food and you follow suit.Ā
You fill the silence with your goings-on for the rest of the day and how exactly you ended up dozing off and heās kind enough to listen to every word. However, when you ask if he wants to do a toast, he shakes his head.
āI need to drive you back, remember?āĀ
You shoot him a dirty look. āSo you took me all the way out here just so I can have two bottles of soju all to myself while you sit there and listen to me talk about my day?ā
ā...Yes?ā
Men are so fucking infuriating sometimes, you can hardly believe it.
āNope.ā You firmly shake your headāplucking the bottle opener he set down on the blanket to pop the caps off. āYouāre drinking with me. Just quit driving past the speed limit so we wonāt die in a freak accident.āĀ
You immediately notice the stiffness in his shoulders as you shove the bottle of soju in his hands and part of you feels kind of bad for being pushy. For a moment, you allow yourself to scrutinize him for a bit longer. What could possibly be deterring him from drinking after going out of his way to do all this?Ā
Thatās when you realize he still has his mask on.
Does heā¦have issues about people seeing his face?
That would definitely explain why he hasnāt once taken it off in all the times youāve met him so far. With that in mind, you promptly decide to tell him that okay, he doesnāt have to if he really doesnāt want to, but then Woo is already reaching up to peel the blasted face mask off.Ā
Your chest seizes with panic, hands flying in front of you to keep him from doing something against his will. But the effort is futile because it only takes a second for him to remove andā¦Ā
Fuck.
Cue the choir of angels because goddamn does this man look like heaven.
Woo shifts somewhat uncomfortably under your stare, as if heās waiting for you to blow up all over his face or something. But youāre much too mesmerized by too many things to form any sort of response right away.Ā
The sharp cut of his jaw. The gentle curve of his Cupidās bow. The tinge of red spreading across his cheeks.
āI canāt believe youāve been gatekeeping yourself from me all this time,ā you whisper with a strained laughāpurposely peeling your gaze away for the sake of your own sanity. āI knew you were hot, butā¦God. I hate you.ā
āYouā¦donāt recognize me?āĀ
The question brings you out of your feelings for a moment, making you glance at him with a questioning stare. āAm I supposed to?ā
Woo gapes at the question like he didnāt expect that to be your response before shaking his head vigorously.Ā
āN-No. Anyway, you said I was hot but you hate me?ā
You narrow your eyes at him before taking your first swig of soju. āDonāt start getting all cocky with me, mister! Iāve got eyes and I canāt help that youāre objectively attractive. Just stating facts here.ā
When Woo smiles for the first time without the figurative cockblock that is his signature black face mask and honestly? If you died right now, youād die happily.Ā
The night presses on in a haze of soju, spicy chicken, and the occasional visit from Hani who uses either of your laps as her personal bed for about five minutes before switching to the other person.Ā
This is the longest youāve been with Woo and youāre starting to realize that he isnāt much of a talker, which you completely understand. You canāt imagine someone whoās hell-bent on keeping what he looks like a secret for so long being a chatterbox.
āOh, but you mentioned something to me at the shelter one time,ā you pipe up before scooping a forkful of chicken into your mouth.Ā
āYeah? What is it?ā Woo asks softly as he pets Haniās back.Ā
Feeling just a little bit tipsy from the alcohol, you try not to stare too hard at his handsome face or the way his lip curls at the edges with a tiny smile when Hani purrs from his touch.
āYou said Hani reminded you of yourself from before,ā you whisper as your gaze drifts to his leather-gloved hands. āIs it okay to ask what you meant by that?ā
The sound of the river flowing beneath the watchtower fills your ears as you bask in the silence. Itās a pretty personal question. Youād totally get it if he decides not to answer, but youāre much too curious to keep yourself from asking.Ā
āWell, I wasnāt a stray or anything, but there was a time in my life that I felt soā¦aimless. I lost someone near and dear to me, and I didnāt know how to deal with it for a very long time.ā
Hearing the earnest ring of Wooās voice, you force yourself to snap out of your subtle inebriationāscooting a little bit closer to him on the blanket to make sure you catch every word.Ā
āI didnāt get into a life-threatening accident like this one did either, butā¦ā He trails off for a moment, stroking the scar that you know runs along Haniās sternum but has long healed with his fingers.Ā
āI managed to get back on track when the people around me showed me their support. They didnāt leave even if all I wanted was to be left alone. If it werenāt for them, it mightāve taken me even longer to move past what happened. Worse, I might not have moved past it at all.
āWhen I saw Hani that day, she looked scared of all the other cats. Like she wasnāt ready to let anyone get close to her just yet.ā Woo breathes deeply before taking a small sip from his bottle. āI guess I was the same way, too. Healing isnāt linear. Sometimes, when I think Iām all better, one day, I just spiral back to where I started in the next one. Thatāsā¦kind of where you fit into the picture, actually.ā
The brief pause in his story makes you blink at him, surprised. āMe?ā
He nods. āYou used to feed the strays in your neighborhood, right? You even had a schedule and everything.ā
āThat was months ago,ā you mutter. āYou mean you already knew me back then? Because of that?ā
āIā¦actually live in that area, too.ā He clears his throat, that familiar blush settling across his cheeks once again. āI often saw you feeding the strays because thatās usually the time I got back from the cemetery. One day, things got a bit too much and I kind ofā¦broke down in the park instead of just doing that at home.ā
He says it like heās embarrassed and now that he mentioned it, you vaguely remember consoling a stranger during your days before volunteering at the shelter. You donāt recall much of it thoughājust the memory of awkwardly patting his back before sending him off feeling just a bit better because you saw him smile a little.
Other than that, youāre drawing blanks.
āHow exactly did I help you, though? If you donāt mind me asking.āĀ
āI wouldnāt say you helped me or anything, butā¦ā Woo pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose while slyly avoiding your eyes. āI distinctly remember you saying something likeāā
Hey, itās just a bad day. Or a bad week. Or a bad month. I donāt know. But itās not a bad life. Itāll get better soon. I promise.
Fuck. Maybe you do remember.
āIt didnāt really mean much to me at the time. Honestly, it kind of pissed me off at first,ā Woo admits with a guilty chuckle before taking another sip. āBut you were right. Sometimes, things got worse. Other times, it got better. But one day, I realized that I got to a point where it doesnāt hurt as much anymore.
āIām not usually this open about my problems, but I learned overtime that talking about them makes them less taxing to deal with. Almost like Iām just talking about the weather, you know?ā He smiles softly and you swear your heart melts at the sight of it. āAndā¦I also donāt want to be closed off from others anymore. Back then, I mostly just kept everything to myselfābottling it all up until it was just unbearable.āĀ
āNow youāre here spilling your guts out to some random college senior,ā you snicker before taking another swig of your soju. You pout when you realize the bottleās all empty before placing it back on the picnic blanket. āThatās some character development.ā
āIt really is.ā
The silence sets once more and your eyes wander off to the city so close yet so far away. The lights from the skyscrapers glimmer like stars across the calm waters of the Han River and you like to think it compensates for the fact that the sky is blocked out by the bridge stretched far and wide above you.Ā
This isnāt how you imagined your first stargazing date would be like, but itās a good start.
Although, the moment the idea crosses your mind, youāre quick to jolt at your own thoughts.Ā
This isnāt a date. Youāre just celebrating his birthday together. Alone. On a picnic blanket. With one of the loveliest sceneries youāve laid your eyes on. In a place where he claims that he never once showed to anyone else.Ā
āHey, is thisāā
Your breath hitches in your throat when you turn to look at Wooāonly to find his face mere inches from yours.Ā
āWhat?ā he whispers and despite the fact that youāre wearing a sweater, you feel goosebumps rise across the skin of your shoulders.Ā
āUh.ā Fuck. āIs this a date?ā
His mouth curves into a smile that you canāt quite get a read on. āIt can be what you want it to be.ā
āOkay,ā you breathe out, suddenly feeling hot all over as his eyes flicker to your lips. āJust so you know, I donāt kiss on the first date.ā
When Woo laughs again, itās a deep-seated noise that makes your insides tingle with an indescribable feeling. You donāt really want to give it a name.
āOkay,ā he repeats before pressing his forehead against yours. āWe can have our first date next time then.ā
Of course the sly fucker dives in for a kiss anyway.
āH-Hey,ā you whisper in between, trying not to get too distracted with how plump his lips are as you keep holding him still by his broad shoulders. āYouāre going to end up crushing Hani if you d-donāt cut it out!ā
Woo sighs against your lips before pulling away regretfully. For a moment, he stares at the sleepy kitten on his lap, gazing around cluelessly after being roused from slumber. His expression softens for a moment as he scoops her up with both hands, settling her down in the comfort of his gym bag. She lets out a satisfied mewl before curling into a ball once more.
āBetter?āĀ
Youāre not sure if heās asking you or the cat, butā¦
āBetter,ā you whisper before fisting the lapels of his jacket and crushing your lips with his.
You donāt know where youāre pulling all this pent-up frustration from. During the very brief period that youāve gotten closer to Woo, your general opinion about him never really deviated from heās cute and heās hot. Nothing more, nothing less.
Yet here you are, gasping into his mouth as he flattens his tongue against yours. A strong arm hooks around your waist, pressing your bodies infinitesimally closer and your skin is slowly hitting a fever pitch beneath your clothes. Something wild and all-consuming burns in your veins and you channel it into a moan that makes his grip on you grow tighter.Ā
You donāt know how exactly you wound up on top of his lapāknees planted on either side of his hips as he continues devouring you with no intention of leaving anything behind. You can feel the expensive material of his leather gloves when his fingers graze along the hem of your sweater. Your skin tingles like every nerve ending has been set alight and if you werenāt already rendered dizzy by his intoxicating cologne, youāre in for a ride with each second his touch hikes further up your torso.
Woo sighs against your lips before pulling away momentarilyāeyes aflame before he removes his fogged up glasses with one hand, tossing them somewhat carelessly on the picnic blanket.Ā
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.Ā
Why was that so hot?
Youāre too stunned to even draw a breath as he stares you down without the constant partition of his glasses. Has his gaze always been this sharp? Have those eyes always been transfixed on you?
āThisā¦This wasnāt part of the plan, if youāre wondering.ā Woo croons out the words huskily. Like an afterthought he only considered out of concern for you. Cute. āI swear I didnāt have any ulterior motives whenāā
You giggle, before pressing a kiss on his nose. Wooās eyes widen just a fraction.
āWhat made you cave then?āĀ
The way his Adamās apple bobs has no right to be that alluring, but it pulls you in anyway. āYou looked really cute tonight.ā
āIs that all?ā
āUm, I thought it was sweet that you still got me a cupcake after you overslept?ā
You groan, forehead bumping into the crook of his neck. Jesus Christ, he smells so fucking good. āHow long are you going to hold that over my head for?ā
You feel the vibrations of his laughter humming against your connected chests and your heart swells as Woo wraps his arms around your frameāpulling you into a firm embrace as the heat that engulfed the both of you slowly simmered into the cool evening air. You can feel him tracing idle shapes along your shoulder blades and the small of your back, and it does nothing to keep you from melting into his touch.
Itās so strange how easily you gave into him. Youāve formally known Woo for about three months and became legitimate friends(?) for less than three weeks. If you told Haewon about this whirlwind romance of yours, sheād hit you upside the head and tell you youāre being way too hasty for a man.Ā
But if itās a man with a black kitten taking a nap in his gym bag while he kisses you senseless underneath one of Seoulās busiest freeways, you suppose you can make an exception.
āWe should go,ā Woo murmurs softly. āYouāve still got to accompany your sister to the airport right?ā
āMmm. Nope. Sheās staying a day longer,ā you inform him with the same quiet tone, letting your fingers trail up to his hair so you can toy with the strands in your fingertips. āBut I do have some more edits to get over with in my final manuscript, soā¦yeah. We should go.ā
Despite wanting nothing but to stay there in Wooās little safe haven, the two of you manage to miraculously peel yourselves away from each other. Your face is hot the entire time you helped clean up his little picnic setup. When he shuts off the portable emergency light, you squint as you parse your way through the darkness.Ā
You kind of end up tripping on air like a complete idiot, but before you can tumble off the rails and into the river, Woo catches you by the waistānot so different from how he held you ten minutes prior.
āCareful,ā he mutters as he lets you go and you canāt help but silently mourn the loss of his touch again. āI donāt want to be accused of being a murderer.ā
You snicker as he gently scoops Hani out of the gym bag and back into the spacious compartment in the lapel of his leather jacket. For a sleepy kitten, sheās surprisingly compliant. āI actually thought all this time you were some sort of serial killer trying to lure me to my doom.ā
āYou thought that but you came with me anyway?ā
āWhy not? Youāre hot.ā
That night, you let Woo drive you back home now that heās more or less beaten the serial killer allegations. You tell him that he doesnāt have to walk you to your apartment, but he insistsāsaying that he can afford to leave Hani on his bike for a few minutes.Ā
Of course, it ends up with another heated makeout session against your front door. This time, those stupid leather-clad fingers hike high enough on your back to toy with the clasp of your bra while his other hand remains tangled in your hair to pull you impossibly closer.
āI have to go,ā he rasps before swiping his tongue along his bottom lipāgiving you a sudden itch to sink your teeth into it. āBut youāre making it really hard to leave.āĀ
Heās making it really hard to tell him to go home, too, but as much as you want to kiss the night away, you still have some of your wits about you.
You chuckle as you reluctantly extract his wandering hands away from your body. Woo sighs in surrender with a nearly inaudible laugh.
āYou already bent my I donāt kiss on the first date rule, genius,ā you remind him breathlessly. āDonāt push your luck just yet until weāve had that so-called first date next time.āĀ
He grins. āSo thereās going to be a next time?ā
Deciding to keep him on his toes, you bat your eyelashes coquettishly at him. āOnly if you want to.ā
Woo leans in to press his lips against the corner of your mouthātrying his best to suppress the grin on his face.Ā
āIāll hold you to it then.ā
Despite having lived in Seoul for four years and having a hardcore fangirl for a sister, todayās the first time youāll be attending the pre-recording session for a music show.Ā
Needless to say, you feel like an outsider amongst the fans armed with all sorts of idol merchandise and dressed in the prettiest outfits. Haewon managed to mooch a lightstick off one of her friends for you to use, but despite the fact that you know not a single soul would give two shits about you here, the alienating sensation remains.Ā
āHey, donāt be too nervous,ā your little sister chortles as the marshals usher the crowd into the studio. āAll you gotta do is wave that lightstick to the beat. Youāll blend right in, I promise.ā
You crack her a nervous smile. Oh, the things you do to make Haewon happy.
Itās a little bit of a blur from there. You squeeze past the throng of fans while simultaneously trying not to lose your sister in the crowd. Some of the staff are handing out photocards that you hear are exclusively given away at this specific broadcast and were worth hundreds of thousands of won. Youāre not sure which member Haewon got for you, but knowing your little sister, she mustāve snagged one of Wonwooās.
When the two of you are settled in your seats, you take the time to admire the set. You never imagined idol music show stages being this massive in person. In fact, you never really spared an active thought about them. Most of the info you do know about these kinds of things are secondhand accounts from Haewon from all the times sheās been to several broadcasting studios across the city.Ā
āDid you bring the PC I got you last time?ā she asks before taking out the broadcast ones out of their plastic package.Ā
You shake your head. āSorry. That Wonwooās sitting in a different bag.ā
āWell, at least you havenāt sold him,ā your little sister laughs before handing you one of the cards in her hands. āI told the staff to give us Mingyu and Wonwoo, but they gave me Hoshi and Wonwoo. Itās okay though, ācause Hoshiās my bias wrecker anyway.ā
Ah. More fandom jargon that youāre just now hearing about.
Just as the staff is starting to do the final preparations on stage, you decide to check out the broadcast PC that Haewon just gave to you. When your eyes land on Wonwooās face, however, you suddenly feel your blood freeze in your veins.Ā
Youā¦donāt recognize me?
One of the staff members announces that the boys will be out shortly to begin the pre-recording session but the words are all but muted in your ears.Ā
Because how the hell can you focus on anything else when the face of the man who drove you back home last nightāthe man who kissed you until you were lightheadedāis plastered on a photocard that could be exchanged for an entire fortune?
This canāt be right, you muse with a scowlāfishing your phone out of your bag as your trembling fingers make haste to open your messaging app. He canāt be the same guy.Ā
Woo šā⬠[09:35]: Good morning, I hope you got enough rest!
Woo šā⬠[09:36]: I have a schedule later this morning so I might be MIAĀ
Me [09:40]: itās cool. i just woke up actually hahaha
Me [09:40]: i also donāt mind! iām heading out with my sister in a while too
Me [09:41]: have fun at work(?)
Woo šā⬠[09:45]: Haha I will :) Have fun with your sister!
With a deep breath, you lock your phone just as the lights start to dim and the crowd cheers their hearts out. Haewon urges you to turn on your lightstick and the part of the studio thatās filled to the brim with an audience is lit up with hundreds of dazzling lights.Ā Ā
You wouldāve appreciated the sight if only a certain someone didnāt play you for a fucking fool.
Just as promised, the boys that your little sister has been crazy about since their debut all fill the stage gradually. Some of them greet the fans with wide grins and silly little gestures. The others are a little more reserved with their greetingsāall shy smiles and reserved movements.
Like Wonwoo, for example.
After several years of only knowing Mingyu thanks to Haewon, this is the first time you were able to pick out another one of them on stage with ease. Why wouldnāt you be able to recognize him?Ā
He had you pressed up against your front door only a few hours ago.
It all made sense now. The affinity for keeping a face mask on. The late night visits. The fact that he seems to make an exorbitant amount of money from a job he doesnāt want to disclose.
Woo is Wonwoo from SEVENTEEN.Ā
And he somehow forgot to let you know over the course of your time together.Ā
You try to keep down the frustration that burns in your throat, making you feel like the roof of your mouth is stuffed with cotton. Itās much easier to mask your feelings once the performers all get into position and the music starts. The loud beat blaring from the speakers coupled with the well-practiced fanchants from the audience easily overpower the sound of your hitched breathing. Even Haewon was too engrossed with the performance to notice your distress.
Still, thereās not much you can do about it now. Especially when Wonwooās the one who starts up the first verse of their newest song.Ā
He looks soā¦different from the gentle giant youāve come to know over the past few weeks. Thereās a dangerous look in his eyes that you know is all for show, but it makes your spine tingle at the sight of it nonetheless. The words to the song are raspily sung into the mic and if you werenāt convinced that he and Woo arenāt the same person, you most certainly are now.
After all, itās his fucking voice that got you so down bad in the first place.
Once his part is done, Wonwoo quickly heads over to the next formationāa complete professional by heart. He belts out each dance move with such perfect precision and you wouldnāt expect any less from an idol whoās spent years honing his talents. But despite how awe-struck you are to see this side of him in person, it just wasnāt enough to completely erase the feeling that youāve been betrayed.
It stings even more when the song ends and the studio is filled with deafening screams from the audience yet again. For once, Wonwooās stoic expression cracks with a handsome grin as he and the rest of his bandmates huddle together and exchange high fives.Ā
That person on stage is both the man you caught feelings for and a stranger at the same time. He easily smiles at the fans the same way he would smile at you, but the difference between Woo and Wonwoo is that only one of them is willing to show this part of his life to the rest of the world.Ā
Did he not trust you enough? Did he think youād act like some crazy fan if he told you the truth?
You love Haewon. You love your little sister more than anything in the world, but you canāt pretend that things are okay when the man who kept you in the dark is standing right in front of you, clueless of the revelation that occurred to you just now.
āWhere are you going?ā Haewon calls out when you make your way out of the rows of seatsāearning yourself a collection of glares from the other fans in the vicinity. āUnnie, hey!ā
The last thing you want to do is ditch her for something you promised youād see through until the end but youāre just so fucking done. You donāt want to see Wonwoo right now. Or hear him and his stupidly perfect voice through the studioās sound system.Ā
Right now, you justā¦want to be alone.
About two weeks after you stormed out of the first and last music show pre-recording youāll ever attend in your life, things have more or less mellowed out. Sort of.
Youāve been taking fewer and fewer shifts at the shelter as graduation draws ever-so near. But aside from wanting to focus on getting your academic backlogs over with, you also wanted to stay away from the one place that Wooāor should you say Wonwooācan easily find you and subsequently corner you to talk. Because you donāt want to talk to someone whoās basically been lying to your face the entire time youāve been friends.
Well, you suppose if you really donāt want to hear even a peep out of him, you shouldāve blocked his number altogether. But thatās not really the case.
Your phone buzzes while youāre in the middle of signing off adoption papers to a couple who wanted to adopt one of the shelter cats. You thought it was pretty adorable of them to make that decision since having a pet together is almost as good as having a kid together after all.
Thinking it was from your adviser, you snuck a glance towards the notifications in your homescreen. But when you see a familiar emoji plastered on the senderās nickname, youāre quick to put it face down on the wooden desk.
Woo šā⬠[09:35]: Good morning. Are you at the shelter today? Can I speak to you?
How he has it in him to keep texting you as if you havenāt given him nothing but radio silence for the past two weeks, youāre not sure. Wonwoo mustāve sensed that something was amiss the moment you stopped replying to him altogether, but he never tried to pester you about what was wrong. Instead, he simply continued sending all those messages to check in on you despite the fact that itās almost as if heās talking to a wall.
Well, itās not like you have time to entertain him now anyways.Ā
āAre you sure she doesnāt have a name yet?ā One of your clientsāthe boyfriendāasks as he smooths down his newly adopted Maine Coonās fur.Ā
The girlfriend rolls her eyes. āYou heard the nice shelter lady, Vern. This one just wouldnāt respond to any name they tried to give her.ā
You agree with a half-hearted laugh, trying your best to ignore the guilt thatās perpetually swelling in your heart the longer you ignore Wonwooās pleas. āYup. Our director said sheās got a bit of an attitude, but I think she just has high standards.ā
Vern the Boyfriend makes a funny face at that. āSo youāre saying that she doesnāt like the names sheās been given so far?ā
āMhmm. We tried Cupcake, Winter, Princess, and Lily, but she liked none of those. Try naming her something fancy. ā
āChairman Meow?ā
āVern.āĀ
āWhat? You gotta admit itās funny, Sohee.ā
Sohee the Girlfriend rolls her eyes. āYes, but itās an overused pun now! Think of something else.ā
āHmm. How aboutā¦Milana?ā
āIs that because Seokmin wouldnāt shut up about his trip to Milan?ā
āUgh, yeah. Two months later and he still wonāt stop talking aboutāā
āThe gorgonzola he had for dinner the night before he flew back to Korea. I know. You wonāt stop talking about it either.ā
āHey, Seokmin-hyung pays great attention to detail when it comes to food. You canāt help but want it, too.ā
As you observe the friendly banter between the couple, you canāt help the smile that spreads across your face. You donāt come across two people who complement each other as well as they do, and from the curious glint in their newly adopted catās eyes, you think she likes being in their company as well.
āFine, letās test it out first,ā Sohee huffs before scratching behind the Maine Coonās ears. āWeāre going to call you Milana. Does that sound good to you?ā
When the cat nuzzles her hand with a pleased meow, Sohee and Vern turn to glance at each other at the same timeātwo matching smiles plastered on their faces.
God. You can only wish to have what they do.
Once the rest of the documents have been finalized, you and Minaāwho just got back from updating the vaccination records for all the animals in the shelterāsee your most recent clients off. Vern the Boyfriend, Sohee the Girlfriend, and Milana the Child are off to the streets to start the next chapter of their lives or whatever.
When the door to the front entrance clicks shut, you let out the longest, deepest sigh known to mankind. Your coworker stifles a laugh.
āLooks like someoneās jealous,ā Mina comments.Ā
You whine. āHow could I not be jealous of that? Theyāre so in love, itās sickening. They even got a kid together!āĀ
āYou know, you could easily have that too if you just stopped avoidingāā
āOh, look at the time!ā You interrupt her a little too theatrically, stomping off to the direction of the break room. āGotta go meet my thesis adviser. Kino and the other volunteers should show up in the next hour, though!ā
You donāt catch the frustrated look on Minaās face as you make a hasty retreat, but it doesnāt make you any less guilty about trying to skirt around the topic every chance you get. Minaās always had your back during these past two weeks. Though you never told her why youāre avoiding your not-so-quote-unquote crush like the plague, sheād always come up with excuses and alibis to throw him off your trail.Ā
Which, coincidentally, happens again just as youāre changing out of your uniform.
āI donāt suppose youāre looking for a sibling for Hani?ā you hear Mina sigh from outside.
The person sheās talking to laughs softly. āNo. I think you know why Iām here again.ā
God. That fucking voice.
āWell, again, sheās not here,ā your coworker bluffs. āAnd uh, word of advice, I get that youāre hot shit and all, but if you keep trying to bother my friend who, for some reason, doesnāt want anything to do with you, I might have to call the authorities.ā
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a second.
Thatās a little too different from the typical āoh Iām sure sheāll come around one of these daysā spiel that Mina always feeds to Wonwoo every time he visits. Sure, youāre not yet ready to face him yet after everything thatās happened, but itās not like you want him thrown in jailā
āUh, right. I get it,ā he says awkwardly, clearing his throat in the process. āItās just that she hasnāt spoken to me in days and Iām a little worriedāā
āThatās clearly a sign for you to back off, buddy.ā You can almost see Mina with her arms crossed, rolling her eyes. āIāve been keeping myself from saying anything about it, but Iāve always found it strange how often you visit a goddamn animal shelter. And now that sheās clearly avoiding you, youāre still trying to corner her? Are you a stalker or something?ā
Fuck. This isnāt how the conversation is supposed to go!Ā
Minaās job is to just politely drive Wonwoo away so you can slip out of the building without having to talk to him. But your coworker mustāve misinterpreted your persistent reluctance to meet him as genuine fear andā¦while youāre glad you have a friend who looks out for you like that, sheās going about all of this the wrong way!
Wonwoo doesnāt speak for a long time and your heart squeezes at the notion that heās been called all those harsh words when all he wanted to do was talk to you. You didnāt even give him any reasons as to why you suddenly decided to cut him off. But instead of marching out there to face him and clear the air yourselfā¦
You stay hidden in the break room like a fucking coward.
āI understand why youād assume that, but I donāt have any ill intentionsāā
āThat's exactly what a guy with ill intentions would say,ā Mina scoffs. āDo both of us a favor and just leave, yeah? And stop trying to contact her when she obviously wants nothing to do with you anymore.ā
The silence hangs thick from outside and despite being in the break room, you swear you can almost choke on it yourself.Ā
Youāre not sure what expression Wonwoo is wearing. Actually, you donāt even know him well enough to know those kinds of things. The most youāve seen of his face was during that quiet night you spent together two weeks ago and youāve severed contact with him all because of something that he probably could have explained if only you gave him the chance to.
āOkay,ā he whispers so softly, you almost donāt catch it. āThanks for your time.ā
Fortunately, Mina doesnāt try to add any more fuel to the fire. All you hear is the sound of retreating footsteps and the sound of the front door clicking shut.Ā
Itās only when your coworker pokes her head inside the break room that you realize youāve been holding your breath.
āHeās gone now,ā she murmurs with a comforting smile. āAnd if he doesnāt stop bothering you even after that, Iāll raise the complaint to the director himself. Iām sure he can pull some legal strings to keep that guy out of the area for good.ā
You find it kind of ironic that a few minutes ago, Mina was teasing you about him and now things have escalated into restraining order territory. But you canāt really blame her for it.
Especially when youāve done nothing to clear up the misunderstanding.
āRight. Thanks, Mina.ā You manage a thin smile, fingers absentmindedly drifting to the black cat enamel you still pinned to your uniformās chest pocket.
āI really appreciate it.ā
Haewon šŖ· [10:30]: Unnie hiii
Haewon šŖ· [10:33]: Can you call me as soon as you read this? Xoxo
You get to check Haewonās message three hours late because finally, finally youāve managed to defend your thesis after innumerable sleepless nights and neverending changes to your manuscript draft. Your panelists and advisers had nothing but praises to sing about your workāeven going as far as to promise that your paper will definitely be published in the next volume of the academic journal youād been secretly hoping itāll get selected for.Ā
Itās still surreal that the only thing youāve got left on your university to-do list is to attend the commencement rites scheduled in three weeksā time. Four grueling years have really just gone by in a flash.Ā
After enjoying one of your last lunch breaks in the quad with some old classmates whoāve also conquered the figurative beast that is their undergrad thesis, you excuse yourself for a while to give your little sister a ring. Haewon picks up on the second ring.Ā
āAbout time you called,ā she huffs. āI thought you were sleeping in the day again.ā
You shake your head with a laugh despite the fact that she canāt see the gesture. āNo more sleeping in the day for me ācause Iām graduating.ā
Haewon gaspsāloud enough to create static across the line. āReally? Oh my god. Thatās good news then! Mom and dad were actually getting worried about you, you know? Youāve been throwing yourself into that stupid thesis of yours for a month now.āĀ
It takes a while for you to formulate a response, something akin to guilt creeping into your heart at the prospect of worrying your parents sick. But then again, whatās done is done. You can catch up on the several hours of sleep and countless brain cells youāve lost trying to make your final manuscript actually make sense.
āItās all good now,ā you reassure. āAll you guys have to do now is fly over to Seoul for my graduation and I can pack my bags and go back to the countryside as soon as I can.āĀ
You half-expect Haewon to laugh off your haste to travel back to your hometown and say something about how youāre better off in the city than this old dump.Ā
But youāre met with silence instead.
āUm,ā she starts nervously after a few moments. āI know most of the stuff thatās been stressing you out is gone now, but⦠Are you sure youāre okay?ā
The question makes you swallow thickly. āOf course. Why wouldnāt I be?ā
āUnnie, Iām your sister,ā Haewon says a-matter-of-factly and you can almost picture her scowling at you. āWe both know youāve been acting really weird ever since the pre-recording. I couldnāt pester you about it ācause I had to go back home the next day. And I didnāt want to bother you while you were finishing up your thesis.
āSo now that all those obstacles are out of the way, do you mind telling me whatās wrong?ā
The sound of the other students milling around the quad rings in your ears as you process Haewonās words. When you take a deep breath, the exhale is accompanied by defeated laughter.
Youāre an idiot to think you could ever escape your little sisterās scrutiny.
āI know youāre going to give me shit if I say itās nothing you should worry aboutāā
āYouāre right,ā she interjects. āI will give you shit.ā
āābut it really is nothing you should worry about,ā you continue anyway, toying with the hem of your sweater with a wistful sigh. āLong story short, itāsā¦boy problems. Boy problems that Iāve ignored long enough that they just went away all on their own.ā
At the other line, Haewon makes a strangled noise as if thatās not the answer she was expecting. āCome again?ā
āYeah, Hae. Your big sister actually has boy problems,ā you chortle. āWeird, right?ā
āYes and you didnāt even bother telling me about it at all?!ā She crows angrily. āYou have to give me the gist or Iām hanging up and booking the next flight to Seoul.āĀ
For a moment, you hesitate and give yourself a moment to think about what you can and canāt tell Haewon over a phone call when sheās a whole plane ride away from you.Ā
She absolutely cannot know that the boy in question is Wonwoo. Youāll probably spend more time trying to convince her that what youāre saying is true than avoiding a pity party. So instead, you tell her:
āWell, this boy and I hadā¦something good going for us, I think. I like him, you knowāreally, really like him. But then one day, I found out that heās been keeping this important thing about himself from me.ā A sigh. āLike, I know some stuff is none of my business, but itās so easy for him to let others know about thatā¦that thing, yet somehow he never bothered to tell me. I couldnāt help but feel like he didnāt trust me enough.ā
Surprisingly, Haewon lets out a hum of understanding. āYeah, thatās kind of a dick move on his part. Did you confront him about it?ā
You find yourself tongue-tied for a momentāa bit embarrassed to admit to your little sister that you chose the cowardās way out of this.Ā
āUm, thatās the thing. I kind of ghosted him when I found out,ā you tell her sheepishly. āI donāt think he knows the reason why I suddenly just dipped to this day. Havenāt spoken to him inā¦two months.āĀ
āUh-huh. So all this time, youāve been burying your guilt in schoolwork. Is that it?ā
The straightforward tone catches you off guard for a second. āThatās notāā
āUnnie,ā Haewon calls out firmly, making you close your mouth. āAgain, Iām your sister. I know things about you that others donātāthings that you donāt either, probably. And trust me when I say this, but you are not the confrontational type. Donāt worry though because itās perfectly fine to avoid the things you donāt want to deal with. Especially if youāre dealing with a person thatās more trouble than theyāre worth.
āButā¦you said that you really, really like him. Present tense.ā She pauses briefly, as if letting you digest what sheās saying a little better. āIf the circumstances were even slightly different, I wouldāve cheered you on for ghosting someone who hasnāt been one hundred percent honest with you because, duh? Deserved. But from the way youāve been coping with what happened, I canāt help but think that avoiding him like this isnāt what you wanted to do at all.āĀ
Haewonās words flow from the speaker and lance straight through your heart, and you start to wonder when she started sounding so reliable. Youāre used to looking out for her even with the distance separating you. But ironically, itās in your last year of college that your sister effortlessly dissected the dilemma thatās been plaguing you for weeks.
āLook, I think youāll feel much better about all this if you just talk to him,ā she continues when you donāt utter a word in response. āNot that Iām siding with some semi-lying jerk, but maybe he had his reasons for hidingā¦whatever he was hiding from you? If he gives you a bullshit excuse, then at least the ghosting will finally be justified, right?ā
Her frankness makes you snort. āI guess.ā
āGood. Now hang up and call him now.ā
ā...What?āĀ
āYou heard me.ā
āHaewon, I canāt just call him out of nowhere after ignoring him for so long.ā
āPfft. Of course you can! If he doesnāt answer, then that still justifies the ghosting because he obviously doesnāt want you enough. Men like that donāt deserve you, unnie.ā
ā...Fine. Point taken.ā
You end the call after Haewon makes you swear to keep her posted about the situation and your love life in general from now on. Sighing, you reluctantly scroll through your messaging appāfinding a conversation thatās long been buried by more recent texts from other people after he sent his final messages to you.
Woo šā⬠[02:35]: Itās been three weeks since you last replied. Hope youāre doing okay.Ā
Woo šā⬠[02:36]: Mina told me that you wanted nothing to do with me anymore but I really donāt understand why becauseā¦arenāt we good? Didnāt we have something back there? Or was I just reading you wrong the whole time?
Woo šā⬠[02:55]: Either way, she was right about one thing at least. Iāve probably made you uncomfortable with my texts. Kind of pathetic now that I think about it.Ā
Woo šā⬠[03:01]: Iām sorry for constantly bothering you like this. Itās just thatā¦I want to know what went wrong.
Woo šā⬠[03:05]: Itās getting harder for me to sleep at night knowing I fucked up something that couldāve been the start of something nice. I was already planning our first date, you know?
Woo šā⬠[03:10]: Fuck. Now it just sounds like Iām gaslighting haha.
Woo šā⬠[03:17]: Maybe I am. Maybe Iām not. I donāt even know anymore.
Woo šā⬠[04:25]: What I do know is that I miss you. So much.
Woo šā⬠[10:05]: Uh. Sorry about all of that. I had a few drinks andā¦you know how it goes.
Woo šā⬠[10:12]: Iāll stop texting you for real now.Ā
Woo šā⬠[10:15]: I hope your studies go well. Thank you for being part of my life, no matter how short our time together was.
Fuck.Ā
This is going to be much more difficult than you thought.
You donāt really blame yourself when it takes you a few days to decide whether or not you should call Wonwoo. The choice has been weighing on you like a cloud above your head and you had to decline several invites to go out from your friends because you simply cannot sit still, knowing that you have to do something aboutā¦whateverās going on with the two of you.
Part of you insists on just leaving it as it is. Wonwoo is an idol thatās almost a decade into his career and youāre much too certain that heās met enough people in his life to deem the loss of your company specifically a big deal. He has his members, his fans, and anything else a person could ever want.
So what if some college senior he doesnāt even know that well just ghosted him out of nowhere?
But even with that logic, you still end up holding your breath before pressing the call button one Tuesday afternoon.Ā
There are a total of five attempts made and all five lead you straight to voicemailāeach instance making your heart grow heavier and heavier once the prerecorded message comes to an end. You secretly fear that he mustāve blocked your number altogether. Why wouldnāt he after youāve wasted his time as much as you did?
Others wouldāve considered this as a sign to just give up. The universe is basically telling you that the brief time you shared together would yield nothing more. Wonwoo has his own career to worry about and as do you, now that youāre finally going to be ejected from university and into the life of an unemployed fresh grad. Youāre better off not chasing after the things youāve purposely run away from in the first place.
So why on earth are you looking up the exact address of his company building, making the long commute for the slim chance of running into him against all odds?
The security around the area might look lax but you can spot the assortment of security guards stationed both inside and outside of the company building pretty easily. Given the nature of the business theyāre running, it would make sense that theyād put up all possible countermeasures against people who might try to inconvenience their artists in any way.
Not wanting to be branded as a crazed fan, you decide to keep your distanceāpurposely lingering outside the shopping center just across the street as you brainstorm how exactly youāre going to meet up with Wonwoo.Ā
But as the minutes ticked past, your sense of reason is starting to overpower your desire to clear things up with him. For one, you donāt even know what his schedule looks like. How can you be so sure that heāll even be there today? Worse, would Wonwoo even want to speak with you after everything? Despite having kept the fact that heās an idol a secret to you all this time, he has all the right to refuse speaking with you when you never even gave him a chance to explain himself.
The noise of the busy district fades in the background as your eyes fall to Wonwooās final text message. You havenāt even thought of texting him since you considered reaching out. But with the fact that your earlier phone calls didnāt go through, you donāt think you can bear seeing your apologetic messages get denied in the very real chance that heās blacklisted your number altogether.
God. You feel so pathetic.
āHey, itās you!ā
You immediately blanche at the feeling of someone placing a hand on your shoulderāturning around to see who it is only to be met with the sight of two familiar faces.
āOh,ā you voice out somewhat dumbly. āMissā¦Sohee? And Vern?ā
The couple who adopted a cat from the shelter flashes you pretty smiles, the two of them carrying grocery bags in each arm. Sohee perks up when you recognize them. āYup! I didnāt expect to see the nice shelter lady around these parts. What brings you here?ā
āJustā¦stuff.ā The laugh you spare them is a little too forced, but if they notice, they donāt comment on it. āHow about you guys? How has Milana been?ā
āFeels right at home in either of our apartments,ā Vern chuckles. āYou were right about her having high standards. We always end up doing our grocery shopping here instead of the supermarket near my place ācause Lana refuses to eat any of the cheap cat food being sold there.ā
Sohee sighs in agreement. āMhmm. You wouldnāt even think she was a rescue with how high maintenance she is, but weāre idiots that dote on her all the time. Itās just a good thing we work right across the street from here.ā
Feeling endeared with how much they spoil their new child aside, the latter part of Soheeās statement catches your attention for a moment. āSorry? You work right across the street?ā
The moment the words leave your lips, the charming smiles on their faces falter before the couple before you share a look. A brief moment of telepathic communication mustāve occurred between the both of them, as if wordlessly discussing whether they should respond, but in the end Sohee relents.
āYeah. Vern and I work at HYBE,ā she chuckles. āIām actually surprised you donāt recognize him, since heāsāā
āA very loyal employee that the nice shelter lady canāt possibly recognize,ā Vern interjects with a cough into his fist and the immediate reaction makes it easier to put two and two together.
Heās an idol. One hundred percent an idol.
Deciding to play along, you offer up a nod in understanding. āI see. Guess you guys are heading back for the day?ā
āYep. We had one of the other membersāuh, I mean, one of our friends look after Milana while we had our grocery run,ā Vern explains not-so-smoothly.
āAs much as weād like to stay and chat for a while longer, our baby kind of needs us,ā Sohee tells you with an apologetic look. āI hope things at the shelter are running smoothly! Weāve seen how dedicated you guys are to taking care of those poor animals.ā
You nod. āOf course. Iāll see you guys around?ā
āAnytime!ā
You and the beautiful couple exchange quaint bows in farewell before the two of them start walking away. But with each footstep that they take further and further away from you, the itch to run after them and ask what youāve been dying to when they said they both worked at HYBE grows all the more unbearable.
Cut it out, you mentally hiss at yourself. You canāt bother other people about your issues with Wonwoo. Thatās just a whole new low.Ā
You shouldāve just gone the opposite direction when the conversation ended. You shouldāve just directed yourself to the nearest bus stop back to your apartmentāburied all of this in the past where it belongs.
But itās as if your body has a mind of its own. The next thing you know, youāre sprinting towards Sohee and Vern before they could cross the next intersectionāsurprising the couple with your sudden re-entry.
āDid you need something?ā Sohee asks, accommodating and confused all at once.
Now or never.
āYes, actually,ā you dole out breathlessly, pursing your lips before adding:
āDo you guys know where Wonwoo is?ā
Out of all the ways you thought this day could turn out, you never wouldāve imagined being in the backseat of one of HYBEās music producersābreezing through the cityās freeway as she interrogates you about just how exactly you know Jeon Wonwoo.
āSo youāre the reason heās being so off lately,ā Sohee chuckles before switching lanes. āWonwooās always been the quiet type, but sometimes you can just tell when thereās a lot on his mind. Isnāt that right, Vernon?ā
Vernon, who you come to realize is part of the same group as Wonwoo, glances at you from the rearview mirror with a shake of his head. āI can vouch. Wonwoo-hyungās been working on sharing stuff with us, but of course thereās still some things heād like to keep to himself.ā
I also donāt want to be closed off from others anymore. Back then, I mostly just kept everything to myselfābottling it all up until it was just unbearable.
Great. Now you feel twice as horrible.
āHonestly, I was kind of scared that you guys would think Iām a sasaeng,ā you admit with a dry laugh before settling further into the carās plush upholstery.Ā
āWhile we have no reason not to think that with all the weirdos popping up these days,ā Sohee starts before her lips curve into a smile, āit just so happens that Soonyoung also canāt keep his mouth shut about Wonwooās little crush.ā
That makes your face heat up a little. āSoonyoung likeā¦Wonwooās friend?ā
āYou might know him better as Hoshi,ā Vernon explains.Ā
Hoshi, Hoshi, Hoshiā¦
You snap your fingers once you figure it out. āYeah. Heās my sisterās bias wrecker.ā
āNow we learn that your sister is a fan, too? Huh. Small world.ā
āAnyway,ā Sohee interjects. āThe reason why we believed your explanation was because Soonyoung described Wonwooās crush as an animal lover. Heās not so much of a blabbermouth that he gave us more details aside from that, but Vernon here told me about how Wonwoo always comes late to their unit meetings because he keeps making all these detours first.ā
Vernon stifles a laugh. āI actually found out about the shelter because Coups-hyung insisted that we follow him around to figure out where heās been going. It didnāt occur to me at the time that his animal lover crush and the nice shelter lady could be the same person.ā
At this point, you can honestly get used to being called a nice shelter lady. But that aside, you canāt help but flush even further at all the things being revealed to you right now.Ā
Itāsā¦a lot to unpack.Ā
First, Wonwoo has a crush on you? A complete nobody? Then again, from how often heās been seeking you out before things went to shit, you could infer that heās at least a little bit interested from how he kept going out of his way to see you. Heās even late to meetings because of his little visits. This so-called crush was quite obvious, you just donāt like how flustered hearing it out loud makes you feel.
āBut then Wonwoo-hyung just started showing up on time to our meetings during our comeback promotions,ā Vernon continues. āWe were glad we didnāt have to keep waiting for him to start, butā¦we also noticed that heās been kind of down lately. The first time it happened, I assumed it was just an off day for him, though now that we met you like this, thatās definitely not the case.ā
Wonwooās been feeling down? Because of you?
If the roles were reversed, you can say that youād feel the same if he just stopped talking to you when you thought you were already growing closer. It doesnāt help that the last time you were together, you shared far too many kisses that mere friends should indulge each other with.Ā
You sigh, leaning your head against the headrest.
Youāre such an idiot. A selfish, inconsiderateā
āWell, here we are.ā
When the car pulls over, you donāt even realize that Sohee already left the freeway and drove into one of the roads overlooking the Han River. You can barely keep yourself from choking on your own breath when you spot a very familiar motorcycle parked in front of the vehicle. It doesnāt help that Sohee pulled over a certain spot underneath the elevated highway that youāre very much certain youāve already been to once before.
āHyung doesnāt know that we know about this place. He never brings anyone else here,ā Vernon informs you with a small smile. āFrom the look on your face, we can assume that heās already brought you here though, right?ā
You canāt even deny it at this point. āYeahā¦ā
Sohee moves to unlock the doors before glancing behind the driverās seat with an encouraging look. āWell, how about you clear things upso we can start going on double dates and stuff.ā
āSohee,ā her boyfriend groans.
āWhat? I think itād be a great idea.ā She pouts. āWe can even rope Nari and Mingyu into tagging along. Then itāll be a triple date.ā
āWhat she means to say is,ā Vernon cuts in before Sohee can get another word out. āNo pressure. You go sort out the stuff you need to with Wonwoo-hyung. Iām sure the two of you can make the best decision for each other once you get to talk properly.ā
The best decision, huhā¦
Your new friends watch you with wordless encouragement as you open the door to your left, letting out a long-winded breath so you wouldnāt be too psyched out by the circumstances. You thank them both with a subtle nod as you gather enough courage to see the person youāve been longing to meet again for a while now.
Now or never, you repeat to yourself before finally stepping out of the car.
Wonwooās thinking spot looks much different in the day than it does at night.
You had a pretty hard time navigating the short terrain from the road to the old, weathered steps of the watchtower because of the lack of proper illumination. If it werenāt for Wonwoo guiding you the entire time, you wouldāve face planted into the pebbled pathway on the first few steps.Ā
The sun is already setting when you make it to your destinationāred orange rays splintering through the high rise buildings on the other side of the river bank. Itās not difficult to spot Wonwooās tall figure leaning across the rusty railing of the watchtower, a gentle smile gracing his handsome face as he plays with the growing kitten in his arms.Ā
He doesnāt notice you at the foot of the concrete steps right away, too engrossed with playing with Hani to take in the rest of his surroundings. But the longer you watch them from afar, the more your chest twists with guilt.
All this time, you never really thought about how Wonwoo mustāve been faring since you ghosted him. You merely assumed that heād still be living his best life despite what happened between the two of you. The thought that heāll still be better off without you in his life spurred you on to solely focus on the things youāve got going on your end. You didnāt consider just how your actions would affect him. Not even once.Ā
But now, despite having such an adorable cat to keep him company, it isnāt hard to tell that heās not in the most stellar of moods.
Itās not like youāve seen Wonwoo smile a lot when you still knew him as Wooāno thanks to his silly little face masks. But you always liked how his eyes crinkled behind his glasses whenever you said something he finds funny or amusing. The easygoing body language he always seemed to have around you.
Thereās none of that now.
āWonwoo.ā
He visibly stiffens at the sound of someone calling his name. Cautiously, Wonwoo tucks Hani closer to his chestāglancing around for anyone who could have infiltrated his safe haven.
When his eyes land on you, you can almost hear his breath hitch from where youāre standing.
Seeing no indication that he doesnāt want you here, you swallow the lump in your throat before climbing up the stairs. Each step you take is familiar yet foreign at the same time and you can hear your heart pounding in your ears the closer you get to him. The startled expression on Wonwooās face doesnāt falter even when youāre mere feet in front of him on top of the watchtowerālike heās having a hard time grasping your existence.
Hani, however, doesnāt seem all that fazed. The black kitten mewls in delight at the sight of you, squirming around in Wonwooās arms, which seems to snap her owner out of his stupor.
His throat bobs. āYou know my name.ā
You laugh softly. āIt isnāt hard to figure it out when youāre as famous as you are.ā
Silence permeates the air by the riverside as Wonwoo processes the words you just told him. He sucks in a breath through his teeth, hands absentmindedly running across Haniās fur.
āSo thatās why,ā he chuckles with a shake of his head. āI shouldāve knownā¦ā
You mirror the gesture somewhat vigorously, your throat closing up from all the things you want to say. He doesnāt deserve to be left hanging all because of that stupid reason alone. He doesnāt deserve those hurtful words from Mina.
Most of all, he doesnāt deserve to feel this shitty all because you were too much of a coward to communicate with him.
āIām sorry.āĀ
He startles at your apologyāobviously not expecting that to be the first thing you say to him after two months of radio silence. āW-Why are you sorry? I should beāā
āIt was unfair of me to just ghost you like that when you havenāt explained yourself,ā you murmur, tucking your hands behind your back as you stare down at your shoes in shame. āIām sure you had your reasons for not telling me right away, but⦠I selfishly thought you didnāt trust me enough to let me know.ā
āNo,ā he quickly clarifies. āItās not like that at all. I trust youāso much.ā
āI know,ā you sigh. āIt took me a while, but I realized that along the way. The last time we were here, you entrusted me with the story of how you coped with losing someone. You entrusted me with your thoughts, your feelings, your secrets. And I took all that for granted because you didnāt tell me you were an idol.ā
Wonwoo falls silent for only a moment as if considering what words to say next. Hani seems to sense his distress, cuddling up to his chest in an attempt to soothe him. He notices what sheās doing right away and Wonwoo scratches behind her ears with a breathless chuckle.
āIf itās any consolation, I didnāt plan on hiding it forever. I knew you would find out eventuallyājust not as soon as you did,ā he murmurs. āIt was also unfair of me to take advantage of the fact that you didnāt know me as Wonwoo. Butā¦I wanted to keep my career out of the equation first because itās nice being treated like a normal person. You never put me on a pedestal or looked at me like I was some sort of god.
āYou treated me like I was human.ā
This time, youāre the one whoās at a loss for words.Ā
Having Haewon as a sister, you have this preconceived notion about idols where they have the world in the palm of their hands. You thought for the longest time that all they had to do was go up the stage to sing and dance and look beautiful and the rest will follow.Ā
Hearing Wonwoo tell you this easily subverted all those assumptions.Ā
Youāve never been good at telling people the things they need to hear. Thatās Haewonās area of expertise, not yours. So instead of offering up any words of comfort, you quickly close the distance thatās been keeping you apart to throw your arms around his broad shoulders.
Wonwoo freezes up when you pull him into a hug and he loathes the fact that he canāt even reciprocate it given that he has his hands full. Itās kind of adorable how careful youāre being to make sure you donāt accidentally squish Hani between your bodies.Ā
Suddenly, all that heaviness thatās been lingering in his heart for weeks dissipates in a flash. Wonwoo relishes in the feeling of your warmth seeping into his, resting his forehead on your shoulder as he holds back his emotions.
āCan we start over again?ā you murmur. āWe still havenāt had our first date, right?ā
When you feel the sound of his laughter rumbling in his chest, you canāt help the goosebumps that rise across your skin. āWow. I didnāt expect you to forgive me that fast.ā
Pulling away for a moment, you shoot him a dirty look. āJeon Wonwoo, are you saying Iām easy?ā
āNot at all.ā Wonwoo grins and you can barely look at him without recoiling at how good he looks.Ā
His hair has grown much longer than you remember and seeing the smile that oh-so easily hooked you in deeper than you already were, you already know that you canāt ever hope to put up a fight.Ā
Not when heās so love-of-your-life-shaped.
āSince weāre at the point of catching up, Iām actually graduating in three weeks.ā
Wonwoo sharply turns to look at you with a scowl as he puts Hani in a little cat backpack he got for her. āThree weeks? Shit⦠I think weāre going to have a concert at that time.ā
You wave away his concern with a smile. āI didnāt mean I was expecting you to show up at the venue, doofus. Canāt have any weird rumors about you going around by attending my graduation.ā
āRumors about what?ā he challenges.
āYou know.ā
āI actually donāt.ā
āWe just made up ten minutes ago, Do you really want me to bail on you again?ā
āHey, I just thought that if you ever want to spark some dating rumors, we can make it happen any time.āĀ
āWeāre not even dating!ā
āNot yet.ā
āWhat?ā
āItās just like you saidāI still owe you that first date, donāt I?ā
ā...Have I told you that youāre insufferable?ā
āIām actually surprised you didnāt start calling me that when I kept visiting the shelter too often to be considered normal.ā
āThat reminds me, why were you visiting the shelter so much?ā
When Wonwoo hands you Haniās cat backpack, you take it as an invitation to hitch a ride on his motorcycle. After all, it would be uncomfortable to have it sitting between the two of you. However, he takes you completely by surprise by answering you with:
āI like you. Thatās why.ā
It takes you about five whole seconds to recover from what he just said but itās five seconds too late because Wonwoo is already chuckling to himself as if he deserves to have the last laugh.
āYouāre lucky that I like you too,ā you mumble as you carefully hop on his rideāsitting comfortably behind him while making sure Hani is strapped securely behind you. āIf I didnāt, Mina wouldāve made our boss file a restraining order against you.ā
Wonwoo hands you a spare helmet before putting on his own, laughing again as he clicks the lock in place. āDating rumors and stalking rumors? Being with you sounds like such a big hassle now.ā
āAre we going on that first date or not?!ā
Two months after graduating and four weeks into officially dating Jeon Wonwoo, you find out the real reason he was taking so damn long to make up his mind about adopting Hani.
The landlord doesnāt prohibit petsāhe loves them, actually.Ā
His dog, Seol, is a little shy, but she gets along with Hani just fine.
But then his old roommate, Mingyu, dropped by to visit Wonwooās apartment one day, sneezing all over the place like itās pollen season. Except the pollen in question is cat fur and it just so happens that he didnāt bring any of his allergy meds for the trip.
āAs much as I want to cuddle on the couch catching up on the Marvel Cinematic Universe with you guys, I gotta go,ā Mingyu explains while blowing his nose into a tissue. āIāll die if I spend even a second longer here.ā
Wonwoo throws a piece of popcorn at him. āDidnāt you say that youāre going on a date with Nari?ā
āOh. That, too.ā
āIf she finds out that you just remembered as an afterthought, sheās going to kill you,ā you tease while shoving a handful of your movie snacks into your mouth. āAt least, thatās what Iād do if Wonwoo did the same thing.ā
āOh, she will. Thatās why neither of you are going to tattle on me,ā the beefy idol huffs before tossing the soiled tissue in the trash bin. āAnyway, Wonwoo-hyung, you should totally keep in touch with this pet sitter that Seungcheol-hyung discovered recently. A bunch of other artists leave their pets with her whenever they have tight schedules.ā
Your boyfriend merely looks at him with an unimpressed look. āAre you saying that just so I can leave Hani there when you come over to play video games with me?ā
āYes.ā
Mingyu leaves shortly after receiving a phone call from his girlfriend, Nari, who sounded nothing short of furious when she asked where on earth he is and why heās late for their date again. Wonwoo tells you that his best friend has a thing for pissing off Nari just so he has an excuse to do grand gestures for her without his girlfriend complaining about it. You tell him that he should start doing the same too.
āBy the way, youāre flying back to Jeju for a while, right?ā Wonwoo asks once the credits start rolling in the film playing on his TVāthe loose grip he has around your waist tightening ever-so slightly.
You shift your weight on the couch to cuddle closer to him. āYeah. I havenāt seen my parents and Haewon since I graduated. Plus, I donāt have to start working until next month, so I can afford a last-minute getaway.ā
He nods. āI still think itās funny you havenāt told your sister about me. Are you ashamed of me or something?ā
āQuit saying weird stuff, Jeon Wonwoo,ā you huff before hitting him in the chest. Damn those firm pecs. āI just want to see the look on her face when she finds out Iām dating the person she ships with Mingyu for fun.ā
āAnd I still canāt believe my future sister-in-law is a Gyuldaengie.ā
You try not to think about how he said Haewon is his future in-law. You really do.
Once the last of the end credits pans on-screen, the bonus scene at the end of every Marvel movie starts playing and you canāt help but snort when Eddy gets snapped back to his own universe before he can even pay off his tab to the bartender. Just when youāre about to ask Wonwoo if he wants to watch the next movie, you realize heās had his eyes on you the entire time.
āWhat?ā you laugh.
āNothing,ā he whispers. āI just thought you were really pretty.ā
āWonwoo, you tell me that every thirty minutes. Donāt you get tired of it?ā
You yelp when he abruptly pulls you onto his lap, steadying you by the hips so you wouldnāt accidentally topple to the floor. He flashes you a lazy grin as he traces circles along the curve of your thighs and you can barely suppress a groan when you look down at him.
He might look like some otherworldly creature every time he kills it on stage, but you love this Wonwoo just the sameādressed down with his glasses sitting all crooked on the bridge of his nose, hair falling across his eyes.Ā
āNever,ā he says simply.Ā
Thereās something oddly sensual about the way he says it and at that moment, you catch on to the half-lidded look in his eyes. You gulp, gaze instinctively wandering around his apartment to look for Hani and Seol, who you spot dozing next to each other in the kitchen.Ā
Now that youāre sure none of the kids are watching, you let out a defeated sigh before lacing your arms around his neck and leaning down to kiss him.
Wonwoo is a guy you caved and kissed before the first date, so itās pretty natural for the two of you to fall into this degree of intimacy every now and again. His effect on you is especially lethal whenever you spend several days apart because of the nature of his career.Ā
But even if youāre yet to cross that line with your boyfriend, the possibility of it finally coming into fruition becomes more and more real every time his hot tongue slides against yours.Ā
āWonā¦wooāā you gasp when you feel his cold fingers sneak up your shirt, hands firmly grabbing your waist to keep you in place.Ā
Your boyfriend chuckles and the low vibrations that come from his chest shoot straight to your core. āI know tonight was supposed to be movie night, but youāre making it really hard to keep my hands off of you.āĀ
āThatās what you say all the time,ā you groan as he takes your bottom lip between his teeth and tugs. Fuck. āAlways blaming me for your lack of self-control.ā
āI canāt help it when youāre so fucking beautiful,ā he murmurs against your lips before tugging you back down for another heated kiss.
Youāve fooled around with Wonwoo a handful of times and during said times, youāve gotten an idea of howā¦into it he gets when pleasuring you. Itās almost as if he delights in seeing you come undone for him even if itās just with his mouth and fingers.Ā
Itās during those moments that you canāt help but imagine how he would be once the two of you finally take things all the way. But for all your teasing about how he has questionable self-control, Wonwoo has done nothing but respect the boundaries youāve clearly set when you started dating.Ā
āFuck,ā he rasps when he pulls away briefly, resting his head against the cushions of the sofa as he closes his eyes. āBaby, weāve gotta stop or else I might just cave and fuck you.ā
You simper. āYouāre the one who started this.ā
āYeah, and thatās why Iām putting a stop to it before I end up doing something you donāt like!ā
You shift around on his lap for a moment and Wonwoo is convinced that youāll give him some reprieve and get off of him before he loses his mind. But then he realizes youāre grinding your hips against the hard-on heās sporting in his sweats.Ā
Chuckling to yourself, you pull him by the front of his shirtāpressing a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth before leaning into his ear to whisper:
āWhat if I want you to fuck me, Woo?ā
The deep growl that resonates in his throat sounds so fucking hot, you can feel a gush of slick surge between your thighs. He doesnāt say a wordāmerely opting to keep his hard stare on yours as he wraps your legs around his waist. You immediately get the gist and hold on tight to him as he carries you out of the living room and into his bedroom.
āIām giving you a chance to back out again, sweetheart,ā he sighs as he kicks the door shut behind him. āThink you can handle it when I get serious about fucking you until you canāt walk?ā
The mental image he conjures in your head has you mewling in his arms, prompting you to pepper his neck with sloppy kisses as he gropes your ass like itās always belonged to him.Ā
āThink you can actually make good on that though?ā you challenge with a soft chuckle, grazing your teeth just below his collarbone. You wonāt biteāknowing that his stylists will give him hell for it if he shows up to work with hickeys. āWe both know you like to talk big sometimes.ā
Wonwoo breathes out a condescending chuckle before gently easing you on top of the mattress. You didnāt think it was possible, but you swear you get even wetter when he takes off his glasses and licks his lips at the sight of you.
āOh, baby, youāre in for a fucking ride.ā
Thatās how you find yourself with your back pressed against Wonwooās insanely sculpted chestāboth your mouth and pussy stuffed with his thick fingers as he works you open enough to take his cock. He slides those thick digits in and out of your wet channel, making sure you get used to the stretch all while he muffles your noises at the same time.Ā
Normally, he likes hearing you get whiney and desperate for him, but thereās a charm to seeing you slobber all over his fingers as you clench up around the ones buried in your pussy.Ā
āFuck, baby. So goddamn tight for me,ā he whispers huskily in your ear and the sound of his rough voice layered with the lewd squelch of your cunt makes your insides tingle. āBeen thinking about having this pretty pussy all to myself for a while now. You gonna let me have it now, baby? Let me wreck you on my cock?ā
Wonwoo easily has the hottest voice youāve ever heard in your entire life. While you often think about how you can fall asleep happily just listening to him talk about anything under the sun, itās an entirely different story when heās spouting all this filth into your ear as he prepares you for an overdue dicking down.Ā
āYes, pleaseāā You sob pathetically when he takes his fingers out of your mouth, curling your arm behind you so you can blindly grab his hair and mend your lips into a messy kiss. āWonwoo, I need you so bad.ā
āDesperate little thing,ā your boyfriend chuckles before withdrawing his fingers from your needy hole. The loss has you writhing in his lap, one hand shooting out to keep him where you want him but Wonwoo coos into your ear as if to pacify you. āShhh, baby, I need you to come first before I fuck you. Youāll be good for me and let me make you come, right?āĀ
Shit. Who are you to refuse when he propositions you like that?
āI need an answer, sweetheart.ā
āIāll be good,ā you gasp almost immediately as your boyfriend starts parting your pussy lips with the hand that was muffling your cute noises. āIāll be so good for you, please justāā
āJust what, baby?ā Wonwoo teases and you nearly cry.
āM-Make me come on your fingersā¦ā
He hums, slick fingers gliding along your slit. āNot if you donāt sayāā
āPlease,ā you whimper before grinding your pussy against his hand. āWonwoo, I wanna come. Wanna come so bad. Want you to stuff me full of your cock. Want you toāāĀ
Itās almost like he tapped in on every single nerve ending in your body when his dexterous fingers find your clitārubbing the puffy bud in fast, tight circles as you start twitching in his arms. Wonwoo lets out another evil laugh as he forcibly pries your legs apart. The firmness of his grip leaves you no choice but to thrash around as he builds your orgasm from the ground up, trailing wet kisses along the column of your throat as he teases an orgasm out of you with the sound of his voice coupled with his sinful ministrations.
āSo wet and ready for me. Have you thought about taking me inside this sweet little pussy? Do you think you can even fit me when youāre this tight?ā he breathes into your ear and you donāt even have the dignity to bite down your moans anymore. āYouāre so close, sweetheart. Let yourself go and Iāll give you what you want. Iāll blow your pretty back out over and over until youāre sick of me.ā
Never, you want to tell him. Iāll never get sick of you, stupid Wonwoo.
Funnily enough, that silent jab at him is quickly followed by a mind-numbing release. It washes over you like a storm surging into a calm shoreāoverloading every cell in your body with pleasure until the only thing that comes out of your mouth is a broken rendition of your loverās name.Ā
Wonwoo talks you through your high because he knows youāve got a thing for his voice. Knows just how much tighter you get when he whispers filthy words with a sultry sweet tone.Ā
And when he growls, āGood fucking girl,ā into your ear, youāre convinced he just made you come again while still riding the waves of your first orgasm.Ā
For all his vigor, Wonwoo is surprisingly patient with you as you recover from what he just put you through. He plants brief kisses all over your neck and face until your breathing finally evens out and you stop seeing stars in the seams of your vision. Your boyfriend offers up a gentle smile when you finally come toāleaning in to kiss your nose.
āYou still want more?ā he whispers, exercising enough restraint to be revered despite the fact that you can feel his hard, leaking cock pressed against the small of your back.Ā
A soft, somewhat weak laugh makes its way past your lips as you turn around to peck his lips. Wonwoo smiles against your mouth and you canāt help but do the same.
Then, you issue another challenge.
āDo your worst.ā
Youāre grateful now more than ever that Wonwoo is the easiest person to talk to in the entire world. You can practically count the things that he wouldnāt want to discuss with you on one hand alone.Ā
In other words, youāve already had the necessary conversations about sex, should you ever have it with him in the future (A.K.A., right now). Wonwoo knows youāve been on birth control ever since you moved to Seoul all those years ago. He knows that you get yourself tested at least once every month if you can and assures you that he does the same.
On the other hand, youāre well aware that your boyfriend has a thing for coming inside, and now that youāve gone this far with him, youāll gladly let Wonwoo make his fantasies a reality.Ā
He only agreed to it once you promised to tell him whenever you feel like heās going too far or if heās doing something you donāt like. You swear you wouldāve married him on the spot, if it werenāt for that tiny voice in your head that suspiciously sounds like Haewon telling you off for losing it over a man whoās doing the bare minimum.
With those measures in place, you feel safe enough to let Wonwoo press your face down onto the mattress as his free hand grips your assāfucking into your tight cunt as he tries (and fails) to keep himself from being too rough with you.Ā
He really, really wanted to be gentle, considering itās your first time to lie together like this. But your unfiltered reactions do nothing but test both his patience and self-control in more ways than one. All his plans on making love to you in good old missionary have been tossed out of the window now that youāve given him the green light to actually fuck you until you canāt walk.
āWonwoo,ā you moan, fists curling into the sheets as he cants his hips deeper and deeperāthe head of his cock hitting spots your own fingers could never hope to reach. āS-So fucking goodā¦ā
āYeah?ā he breathes raspily before leaning down to press his chest against your back, wanting to engulf you in the heat of his body until itās all youāll ever know. āMy pretty baby loves my cock that much? You want me to fuck you all the time now?ā
āUh huh.ā You nod before letting out a high pitched keen when he amps up the speed of his thrustsāslamming his hips harder against your ass.
Wonwoo thinks he could really get used to the sight of your pretty pussy sucking him in like this. Youāre so greedyāclamping down on him as tightly as you do as you moan his name like itās the only word in your vocabulary. But how could you not when each vein that runs along the underside of his perfect cock drags so deliciously across your velvet walls? When his ballsāhot and heavy and full of enough cum to fill you to the brimākeep clapping against your pussy with each powerful thrust?
Itās the first time that you got to get a taste of what your boyfriend is capable of in bed and you can only imagine every instance that will follow once allās said and done.
When he feels your walls start to spasm around his length every now and again, Wonwoo presses a sloppy kiss across the cut of your jawāa hand sliding between your thighs so he can find that little bundle of nerves that made you fall apart only several minutes ago. Your reaction is immediateācrying and squirming below him even when youāre helpless against his massive frame pressing you down into the bed.Ā
āIām so close, baby,ā he groans into your ear, holding out for as long as he can just so he can feel the sensation of you coming around his cock. āYouāre almost there, too, arenāt you? My good girlātaking my dick like itās always been yours. Can you come with me? You can do that for me, right, sweetheart?ā
The fondness in his voice strings you even further apart and youāre nothing but a mess of pleasure and delirium as Wonwoo continues his assault on your poor, abused clit. He knows just the right amount of pressure to use and manages to time his thrusts with each delicious pass on that oversensitive bud.Ā Ā
Itās all over before you know it.Ā
You let out a long-winded moan that will definitely earn him a couple of noise complaints from the neighbors but Wonwoo doesnāt have it in him to fucking care at the moment. Not when your walls are clamping down so tightly around his cockāmaking each stroke all the more tantalizing as your pussy milks him for everything heās got to give you.Ā
You mindlessly babble a string of I love yous against the sheets, a trail of drool dripping onto the mattress as Wonwoo fucks into you with heightened ferocity. He catches every single word you say and he tilts your head to the side so he can kiss you. Your boyfriend forces your tongue into a dance with his own until his hips stutter and stopāwhite hot emission surging into your cunt in thick spurts that he hopes would stay inside you for days if he can help himself.
Youāre a messāface painted with a fucked out expression as your pussy leaks with a mixture of yours and Wonwooās cum. The mere sight of it is almost enough to make him hard again, but he tells himself that he can take you up on marathon sex next time.
For now, he just wants to clean you up and tuck you back into bed.
āWoo?ā
He turns to face you with a questioning look. Your boyfriend just finished with your mandatory aftercare session and is in the middle of making the bed comfortable enough for some post-sex cuddles. āHmm?ā
āYouāre still free next week right?ā you ask, drawing silly shapes on his chest with your finger once he finally lays down next to you.
āYeah. I donāt have any major schedules untilā¦ā He pauses before conjuring up an imaginary calendar in his mind. āNext month. Why?ā
Despite all the debauchery youāve subjected each other to in a single night, your face still flushes as you consider what youāre about to ask him. Wonwoo smiles at that. Cute.
āHow do you feel about flying to Jeju with me so I can introduce you to my family?ā you ask shyly, gulping with a nervous laugh. āI totally get it if your management wonāt allow it though. Itās hard to keep the media off your back when youāre so famous andāā
He doesnāt do this often, but Wonwoo shuts you up with a firm kiss.
āWhat are you talking about?ā he murmurs, caressing your face tenderly. āOf course I want to meet them.ā
When your eyes light up at his confirmation, Wonwoo swears that he couldnāt be more in love.
Me [11:23]: hae, iāve got good news~
Haewon šŖ· [11:24]: Youāre bringing Mingyu with you to Jeju so we can get married?
Me [11:26]: very funny
Me [11:26]: not to spoil your delusions or anything but iām bringing my boyfriend
Haewon šŖ· [11:30]: Omgā¦Ā
Haewon šŖ· [11:30]: Rudeness aside, is it the same guy from before?Ā
Me [11:31]: yep
Ā Haewon šŖ· [11:32]: AAAAAAAAA
Ā Haewon šŖ· [11:32]: I canāt wait to meet him!
Ā Haewon šŖ· [11:34]: He better be treating you right or Iāll drop kick him off Jusangjeollidae
Me [11:40]: youāve already met him though~
Haewon šŖ· [11:41]: ?
Haewon šŖ· [11:45]: Unnie, what do you meanā¦
Haewon šŖ· [12:32]: Hey!!!!
⢠end notes: if you've made it til the end, congrats! this is the last of the doting on you! series (for now~) and i really hope you enjoyed reading through it as much as i enjoyed writing it!! special thanks to all the friends that read through this for me T T i wouldn't have done it without any of you ueueue
and to everyone that has been patiently waiting for me to put up the last installment for the series, thank you for waiting <3 i hope you guys continue to support me with my future work as well!
WHEN OUR PATHS CROSS AGAIN ā A YOON JEONGHAN SOCIAL MEDIA AU.
plot: y/n is a business student, living the peaceful lifeāexcept from the odd chaos from their group of friends. however, the peace is interrupted when their professor pairs them up for a project with their arch nemesis from high school; yoon jeonghan. can they put their differences behind them and work together or will they bicker like old times?
pairing: yoon jeonghan x gender neutral reader
genre: enemies to lovers, uni au, a slight love triangle, fluff, angst, comedy, my terrible jokes, some written parts
warnings: swearing, lots & lots of bickering, friendly insults, mentions of heartbreak, y/n and their friends pick on each other (affectionately of course!), jeonghan and y/n annoy tf out of each other
starring: members of seventeen
release date: early october.
schedule updates: every one to three days.
status: ongoing
a/n: my first svt sm au!!! and actually the first time i'm writing for seventeen which is baffling because i've loved them for six years :(( i hope you guys enjoy this one š±
# genres & pairings: jeon wonwoo x reader, childhood best friends to lovers, weāve been dating all this time and didnāt realize it vibes, some flashbacks to their past, wonwooās nickname for reader is āloveā (when you find out why itās kinda cheesy)
# warnings: brief mention of being each otherās first time having sex in high school (there is no actual smut written though)Ā # word count: ~3,200
# a glimpse: for as long as you could remember, wonwooās always been your best friend to the point where you both even live together now. over the years, when you were invited to certain events or public appearances were needed you and wonwoo always attended as each otherās date because itās just āeasier that way.ā when your parents start talking to wonwoo about marriage, and wonwooās parents to you, it seems that everyone around you has assumed that youāve been dating. while talking, you end up turning to wikihow and... all the signs point to yes?Ā
It happens on a technically Saturday morning given that itās long past midnight. Youāre in the kitchen of your and Wonwooās shared apartment with low music playing on the bluetooth speaker cleaning up after having put your famous chocolate-chocolate chip cookies in the oven, the scent now wafting throughout the apartment.Ā
āHey,ā you hear. With how close the sudden voice is to you, you nearly drop the spatula and a familiar hand settles on the small of your back to settle you, and immediately, you relax into his touch. āItās just me,ā Wonwoo mumbles out.Ā
āMaybe give me some warning next time?āĀ
āWhy are you up, love?ā your best friend asks. Even while you were in elementary school, āloveā was the nickname Wonwoo used to refer to you. Heās never really grown out of it even after all these years.Ā
āI couldnāt sleep,ā you reply. Thereās been something on your mind lately after having lunch with Wonwooās mom. Given the contents of the conversation, youāre not quite sure how to bring it up to the man currently standing so close to you so youāve been avoiding him (the best that you can despite living together) all week.Ā
āCan we talk?ā he asks, voice laced with sleepiness.Ā
āNow?ā
āNo time like the present, right?ā
āLetās talk tomorrow.ā
āIt is tomorrow.ā
āIs it that important?ā
āI need to tell you something.ā It seems that thereās no escaping this so you figure it might well be a conversation held in a comfortable spot.Ā
āI need to tell you something too,ā you admit.Ā
āIāll set up the living room.ā It doesnāt take long for Wonwoo to bring your favorite blanket to the couch and you figure you might as well make some hot chocolate while talking and waiting for the cookies to finish baking. You both settle on the living room couch, sitting on opposite ends yet still facing each other. Normally, youād be directly next to him but you canāt quite bring yourself to sit there right now.Ā
āWho should go first?ā you ask. Wonwoo grows quiet, thinking it over until finally.
āYou can.ā Youāre not entirely sure how to express all the thoughts running through your mind right now nor do you know just how much this is going to affect your friendship. Thereās not exactly a right way to say things given that this was surprisingly sprung up you.Ā
āYou know how your cousin invited me to lunch on Tuesday?āĀ
āYeah?ā
āShe⦠well, I mean. She kinda, I donāt know it was- sheaskedmewhenweāregettingmarried.ā The words come out all rushed and mumbled from you.Ā
āHuh?ā Taking in a deep breath, now that youāve said it once it doesnāt feel so weird saying it again.Ā
āYour cousin asked me when weāre getting married.ā Wonwooās reaction is one that you donāt quite expect. With the Wonwoo you know, you wouldāve thought heād roll his eyes and say something along the lines of āas if Iād marry youā or maybe even āhow about when weāre 30 and singleā which wouldāve led to the two of you laughing it off but instead, he lets out out sigh of relief.Ā
āOk, Iām glad.ā
āHuh?ā Now youāre the one confused.
āLast Friday, your parents came to my work.ā
āWhat, why? Did they bother you? They didnāt tell me, I-āĀ
āItās ok, you know theyāre always welcome to see me. If anything, I think they like me better than you.ā You canāt help but roll your eyes at Wonwooās second statement. Heās not entirely wrong given how your mom tends to come over with Wonwooās favorite homemade meals rather than yours.Ā
āWhat did you guys talk about?ā Wonwoo clears his throat, eyes averting from yours as he feels heat rising to his cheeks.Ā
āThey, uhh. They gave me their permission to marry you.ā It takes a moment for Wonwooās words to process in your head,
āMy parents gave you permission to marry me?ā
āYeah.ā
āWait isnāt it- isnāt it, supposed to be the other way around? Like you asking them for permission to marry me.ā Thereās a light chuckle that escapes Wonwoo with a slight nod.Ā
āUsually, yeah, I think? But they kinda just said that weāve been taking things far too slow at this point.ā
āWeāre not even dating!āĀ
āEveryone thinks we are.ā
āWho the hell is everyone?ā
āAfter I talked with your parents, I texted my group chat with the guys and they all kinda called me out for not having realized it earlier on.āĀ
āSo all this time weāve been dating but didnāt know it?ā
āAccording to everyone else, yeah.ā At that, thereās a chime that comes from the kitchen signifying that the cookies are ready to be taken out. Youāre just about to get up when Wonwoo tells you that heāll get it for you. With you left in the kitchen, you turn to Google for some advice searching up: signs youāre dating someone and didnāt know it.
A wikiHow link titled ā19 Signs You Are Unofficially Datingā appears and you decide to read it. Wonwoo comes back with the cookies on the plate for you both. You move closer to him so that the two of you can read the article together.Ā
NUMBER ONE: YOUāVE BOTH RECOGNIZED THAT YOUāVE GOT CHEMISTRY
āWhat is this chemistry referring to?ā he asks while munching on a cookie.Ā
āLogically, itād mean liking each other.ā
āSorry, all these years Iāve hated you,ā he says sarcastically.Ā
āHave you ever felt like- I donāt know? Butterflies in your stomach when I get close to you or tingles or something?ā
āAre you supposed to be carrying electricity with you?ā
āJust answer the question!āĀ
āYeah, I have.ā
āReally?ā
āOf course I have, itād be impossible not to.āĀ
āLike when?ā
āLike now. The way youāre cuddled up so close to me like you always do and thereās this feeling in my chest almost like I canāt breathe because of how close we are together.ā You wonder if youād be able to hear Wonwooās heartbeat if you rested your head on his chest.Ā
āOh.ā
āHave you?ā
āHave I?ā
āFelt something around me, I mean.ā With the conversation shifting to you, you figure now is as good of a time to be honest if any.Ā
āIn the mornings when one of us is making breakfast and you talk in your morning voice and wear your glasses it just feels kinda so domestic and I like it.ā
NUMBER TWO: YOU TALK ABOUT YOURSELF AS THOUGH YOUāRE A COUPLE
āIāve done this,ā Wonwoo admits.Ā
āMe too, weāre kind of like a package deal at this point.āĀ
āWeāve always been a package deal.ā Thereās something deeper to Wonwoo's words but you donāt allow yourself to dwell on it for too long.Ā
NUMBER THREE: YOU CALL OR TEXT EACH OTHER CONSTANTLY
āWe live together, itās only natural for us to have frequent communication,ā you say.Ā
āValid.ā You glance up at Wonwoo, the two of you now laying down on the couch together to be more comfortable and you reach out to fix part of his hair.Ā
āYouāre my emergency contact.ā Thereās a smile that graces his lips, a little sleepy but youāve got 16 more things to go through.Ā
āYouāre mine too.āĀ
NUMBER FOUR: YOU CANāT KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF EACH OTHER
For a moment, you freeze and realize just what position you and Wonwoo have taken. Youāve both settled to laying down on the couch with you on top of him with your phone in your hand. Itās almost second nature for you two to be like this with movie or game nights together. Or even in the kitchen when you cook together.
Neither of you say a word about this one.Ā
Nor do you make an attempt to move.
NUMBER FIVE: YOU SHARE PICTURES OF EACH OTHER ON SOCIAL MEDIAĀ
āYouāve taken most of the photos that Iāve posted,ā Wonwoo says.Ā
āWe go out together a lot.āĀ
āBecause youāre always sending me links to new places you want to try.ā
āMore like places I want you to get me free food from,ā you tease.
āMoving onā¦āĀ
NUMBER SIX: YOU SPEND ALL YOUR TIME TOGETHER
āWe literally just established this is true.ā
āMhm,ā Wonwoo chimes in agreement.Ā
NUMBER SEVEN: YOU GET MISTAKEN FOR A COUPLE
āAlso true,ā he adds, āwith our parents and all.āĀ
NUMBER EIGHT: YOU WONDER ABOUT THEIR OPINION
āDo you care about anyoneās opinion?ā you ask curiously. For as long as youāve known Wonwoo, heās always been indifferent about things. Thereās a quiet confidence heās always carried with him and he tends to blaze through life on his own terms.Ā
āI care about yours.ā
āReally?āĀ
āSometimes I think about whether or not youād like my glasses frames or my outfit for the day.āĀ
āYou look good in anything, Wonu.āĀ
āItād be nice to hear it from time to time,ā he says with a huff. Smiling at your best friend, you offer a slight nod.
āIāll tell you more often then.āĀ Ā
NUMBER NINE: YOU HAVE PET NAMES FOR EACH OTHER
āYouāve always called me love but I never learned why.ā Wonwooās gaze is settled on you an eyebrow raised slightly.
āI never told you?ā
āNo.āĀ
The first time you met Jeon Wonwoo was when you were only 6 years old at the neighborhood palyground. You were standing at the top of the slides, not quite ready to go down because of how tall everything was. Wonwoo was right behind you and despite how often he frequented the playground, heād never seen you before.Ā
āWhatās your name?ā he asks. You stare at the boyāheās a little shorter than you and heās almost kind of cute. After telling him your name, you learn that he is,
āWonu?ā you ask.
āWon-woo,ā he repeats.Ā
āWonu!ā Wonwoo lets it slide (unaware that the nickname will follow him for the rest of his life).Ā
āLove!ā he says excitedly as he looks at you. At only 6 years old, neither you nor Jeon Wonwoo actually know what the four worded concept entails (you will one day, just not today). In Wonwooās mind, itās how his father refers to his mother and something in him wants to use the word in reference to you.
NUMBER TEN: YOU STOP THINKING ABOUT OLD EXES
Reading this causes you and Wonwoo to go silent. When you think about your love life, youāve never actually had an ex. Sure youāve been on your fair share of dates here and there and have even gone through a few situationships but things were never serious enough for you to consider or even want to enter a relationship with someone. Aside from Wonwoo as your best friend, your focus has always been on academics or work and you never had time for much else. Youāre not entirely sure about things on Wonwooās endāthere was a period of time when you were separated from each other due to attending different colleges and Wonwoo joined a frat (which led him to the friendships he has even until today).Ā
āIāve never been in a relationship,ā Wonwoo admits.Ā
āNot even in college?āĀ
āEspecially not in college. I was too busy missing you.āĀ
NUMBER ELEVEN: YOU LEAVE YOUR THINGS OVER AT THEIR PLACE
āWe live together now,ā you say.Ā
āWhat about when we didnāt?ā he asks.Ā
āYou always had a pair of your glasses at my place back all throughout middle school and high school.ā
āYou hoard all your damn plushies in my room right now.ā
āExcuse me, theyāre our children!āĀ Ā
NUMBER TWELVE: YOUāRE EACH OTHERāS GO-TO PERSON
āI think the most recent case of this was my brotherās wedding last month,ā Wonwoo says.Ā
Earlier this year, Wonwoo asked you a question while you were making dinner together.
āDo you want meat, fish, or vegetarian for your dish?āĀ
āIām literally making us dinner right now,ā you reply.Ā
āFor my brotherās wedding, I mean. He just sent out the invites and youāre my plus one, he put your name and everything.āĀ
āSince when?ā
āWeāve always been each otherās plus one.ā Heās not entirely wrong, whenever there was an event coming up whether it be family or work-related, you usually invite the other to come with.
āFish,ā you answer. āYou choose meat and then we can try each otherās.āĀ
Just last month, the wedding took place. It was a fun event where you and Wonwoo got all dressed up and took photos together at a fancy venue. The event was filled with catching up with Wonwooās family and lots of good food (you mightāve not so subtly stolen a few bites from Wonwooās plate). There was also a lot of dancing and as the night was coming to a close, the host announced that the final dance of the night would be a slow dance. You look around and find your best friend sitting down at your table.Ā
āWanna dance?ā you ask once youāre standing in front of him. He takes in the sight of you, hair a little messy from all the dancing youāve participated in throughout the night yet thereās still that smile onĀ your face heāll never grow tired of. A part of him wonders how you still have the energy to ask him to dance.Ā
āNot really,ā comes his reply. Rolling your eyes at your best friend, you sigh.Ā
āFine, if you donāt dance with me then Iāll find someone who will.ā Before you can even make it one step away, a familiar hand intertwines with your own and Wonwoo brings you closer to him. With how heās still seated, you end up between his legs and watch as he looks up at you.Ā
āLike hell, you will, love,ā he mutters. Thereās a certain possessiveness to his tone, one that you find yourself welcoming.Ā
āYou just said you donāt wanna dance.ā
āDoesnāt mean that I wonāt if itās with you.ā Perhaps thatās one of the things that makes Wonwoo so different from everyone. Thereās this push and pull between the two of you and youāve always had a soft spot for the other. You reach out to fix part of his hair.
āDonāt make me ask twice, Wonu.ā At that, thereās a smile that graces his lips as he stands up.Ā
āThen, letās dance.āĀ
The last song of the night begins to play, couples make their way to the dance floor. Slow dancing isnāt your forte and quite honestly, youāve never really understood the appeal of just swaying with a person. Wonwoo holds one hand in yours while the other rests on your lower back with a gentleness you werenāt aware he possessed. Youāre not entirely sure where to lookāstaring straight ahead right into his chest seems awkward so the only choice you really do have is to look up andāoh.
Wonwooās already looking at you, behind those black-rimmed frames is a fond gaze.Ā
āTired?ā he asks. The words are spoken in a low tone, careful not to break away from the ambiance of the song and quartet.Ā
āA little. But at least we got to dance.ā
NUMBER THIRTEEN: YOUāVE MET THEIR FRIENDS OR FAMILY
āYouāre practically family at this point, my nieces and nephews consider you their uncle.āĀ
āYou made them call me Uncle Wonu!āĀ
āIt suits you well and itās easier to pronounce.āĀ
NUMBER FOURTEEN: YOU WAIT TO SEE MOVIES OR GO TO EVENTS TOGETHER
āWe tend to have movie nights together,ā you say before shifting a little to be more comfortable.Ā
āPoint number twelve also applies.āĀ
NUMBER SIXTEEN: YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH ONE ANOTHERĀ
āIād say this is pretty comfortable,ā Wonwoo mumbles into your hair.Ā
āBeing with you always is.āĀ
NUMBER SEVENTEEN: YOU CAN TELL SEX IS MORE THAN JUST PHYSICAL
This point of the article causes you to think back to a time you and Wonwoo never actually addressed after it happened.Ā
Your senior year of high school was full of both hardships and good memories. It was the year youād become an adult and the year youād truly have to think about the future. Also, it was the year you and Wonwoo lost your virginities to each other. It was a bit of a spur-of-the-moment kind of thingācaught up in desire and each other and one thing led to another. Wonwooās touches were laced with gentleness, constantly asking you if things were ok and that it could stop any moment should you just say the word. You were both a little inexperienced both in love and life but thereās no one else youād rather have your first time with.
āWe never talked about it after it happened,ā Wonwoo breathes out.Ā
āDo you regret it?ā
āNo,ā Wonwoo answers without hesitation. āDo you?āĀ
āNo,ā you answer with a shake of your head.Ā
āIām glad my first time was with you.ā
āCan I ask you something?ā
āYou just did,ā he teases. Rolling your eyes,
āYou know what I meant.ā
āAsk away.āĀ
āI know you said you havenāt been in a relationship but what about hookups?āĀ
āI- I wonāt, I wonāt lie. Not recently but I did have a few hookups here and there during my frat boy phase.ā Wonwooās admission hurts your heart more than you expect it to but you canāt exactly blame him since youāve always been just friends to each other. āDoes it bother you?āĀ
āNo. Itās all the past.ā Youāre honest about it, snuggling in closer to Wonwoo whose hand rests on your waist and youāre nearing the end of the article.
NUMBER EIGHTEEN: YOU KNOW IF YOU HAVE THE āDEFINE THE RELATIONSHIPā TALK, THEYāD BE COOL
āWeāre kinda having that talk right now,ā you hear Wonwoo say.Ā Ā
āTo be honest, I was kinda scared to talk about the whole marriage thing.ā
āWhy?āĀ
āBecause it would mean changing things between us.ā
āHas it?ā
āIt means putting a label on things.āĀ
āWhether weāre romantically together or not, youāll always be my best friend.āĀ
NUMBER NINETEEN: YOU MAKE PLANS FOR THE FUTURE
āI canāt imagine a future without you in it.ā You didnāt think you could love your best friend more until he uttered such words. Now that youāre in your 20s, youāve reached the stage of your life where everyone around you is falling in love and settling down.
āI guess we have been dating all these years, huh?ā Thereās a laugh that escapes you at the thought but youāre not entirely opposed to spending the rest of your life with the man who's always been by your side.Ā
āIn the eyes of an outsider yes, but for us Iām gonna do this right.āĀ
āWhat does that mean?āĀ
āWeāre gonna go through the whole dating process, you deserved to be wooed and officially asked things. We shouldnāt just put a label on us because of assumptions.āĀ
āOfficially?ā
āMhm, and I am officially asking you to go on a date with me tomorrow night.āĀ
āSeems a little backward, Wonu.āĀ
āPlease, just let me Won-woo you,ā he mutters.Ā
āWhatever you say. Just donāt make me wait too long, yeah?ā he nods, arms wrapping around you tighter.Ā
āWe were planning on going out for the day. Let's make it our first official date.ā
āI look forward to officially going out with you then.ā
Soon enough, you and Wonwoo fall asleep together on the living room couch.Ā
# author's note: i honestly did not intend for this to be so long but i'm so soft for this couple now aksjdlfhs if you've made it this far then thank you for reading !
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jeonghan has been in your life for as long as you can remember.
he was in the playground when you were kids, he was in the school cafeteria in high school and now here he was in the lecture hall next to you in college.
jeonghan was notorious for his playfulness. you're all too familiar with his constant teasing, the light-hearted back and forth that makes up most of the conversations you have with him and the occasional flirtatious words and actions he'd slip in here and there.
he's always been a physically affectionate person. holding your hand, giving you cuddles, lots and lots of hugs, placing one hand on the small of your back and pressing fleeting kisses to the top of your head after walking you to your classes ā all platonic of course. or at least you'd thought.
because that's just how he is and you don't want to read too much into it. you try your hardest not to assume, too afraid of what the outcome will be once you allow yourself to fall.
but you'd never let anyone know that you do get flustered on the days where he gets more affectionate than he normally was.
you'd never let anyone know that you'd spent one too many nights lying on your bed awake as you let your thoughts run wild, allowing yourself to imagine what the two of you could be and thinking about all the 'what ifs'.
butterflies form in the pit of your tummy when he jokingly calls you "babe" and pulls on your hands as he whines and tries to coax you into joining one of his many outrageous bets.
"what's in it for me?" you question, raising a brow at him.
"i'll give you a kiss."
there's that smirk. the one that you absolutely hate because all it does is makes you wonder if he's actually being serious or if this is just another one of his never-ending jokes.
"who said i wanted your kiss?" you roll your eyes at him and try to pry him off you.
you don't try too hard though, knowing you'll miss his touch when he does actually move away from you.
"come on." he pushes again, snuggling into your side and his face is now next to your flushed one.
and you give in because of course you do, you always do.
the day everything changes begins like any other monday for you.
you go to your classes then head back to jeonghan's place to hang out.
laying on the couch with your legs hanging over his thighs, a box of cold pizza on the table before you, you munch on a slice as you search for something to watch on the tv.
"why aren't we dating?" he ponders out loud while looking straight ahead at the tv as if the question isn't even directed at you.
you choke on your food and jeonghan starts laughing.
your eyes are wide, mouth hanging open when you turn to him. "excuse me? what did you say?"
"i asked why aren't we dating?" he repeats with a straight face.
"are you being serious right now?"
he shrugs, expression unchanging. "i mean i like you and i thinkā no i know you like me too, so why aren't we dating?"
"you like me?" your voice suddenly a pitch higher as you sit up.
"mmhmm," he hums then chuckles softly and continues chewing on his pizza as if he hadn't just dropped a bomb on you.
his confession catches you so off guard, which in hindsight is on you because you should have known better than to let your guard down around someone like him. you freeze and are at a loss for words as you try to process the information and in true jeonghan fashion, he moves onto the next topic, pointing out something silly that was playing on the tv.
neither of you bring up the conversation again for the rest of the night.
jeonghan finds himself outside the hall waiting for your last class of the day to end and he jogs toward you when he spots you among the crowd of people exiting the place.
you feel his fingers curl around your hand before you even notice him there.
"what are you doing here? you don't even have classes today." you move your arm to keep the stack of books from sliding off.
"i'm fulfilling my boyfriend duties," he reaches over to take the books from you before leading you out of the hallway.
you squint your eyes at him, "when did you become my boyfriend?"
jeonghan sighs, "are you really that forgetful?"
"are you delusional?" you counter with a head tilt.
he stops the both of you in your tracks before locking eyes with you, a teasing look on his face, "did you forget about last night when we were on my couch?"
"i didn't forget but please remind me which part specifically was it that made you my boyfriend?"
and there's that smirk again. the smirk you used to despise but have now grown so fond of even if it always makes you doubt whatever comes after.
summary:Ā your mother calls one day, asking if youāre bringing mingyu along for chuseok this year. in your panic, you end up giving her an affirmativeānever mind the fact that you and mingyu have stopped seeing each other over half a year ago.
warnings: medical jargon, mentions of shots (for pets), mentions of snake bites, graphic sexual content (minors dni!!)
notes:Ā i wrote this with bss' 7pm on loop for two straight days. nothing like the sweet taste of yearning <3 this also wasn't extensively proofread, so if you spot a few mistakes, i implore you to ignore them EJWHJHSDF
smut tags: vanilla, mingyu is super whipped, praise kink, service top gyu, dirty talk, nicknames (babygirl, sweetheart, sweet thing), overstimulation, multiple rounds, unprotected sex, creampie, heads up that the filth is at the very end tho
additional notes: you might want to check your visibility settings if you can't be tagged!
When you hear the telltale ring as the call connects to its intended recipient, you wonder why you even considered this idea in the first place. Not to mention, youāre getting a nasty case of phone call anxietyāone that you havenāt felt in god knows how long. Maybe itās because of the identity of the person youāre calling that your nerves are all over the place.Ā
In fact, youāre not sure if heās even going to answer. There are a million and a half reasons why famous superstar Kim Mingyu wonāt be able to pick up your call. He could be shooting for a music video or some fashion magazine. He could be in the middle of an interview. Or he could be out spending time with his members like tends to these days if his recent Instagram posts are anything to go by.Ā
But you try anyway because your mother sounded so hopeful in the phone call you just hung up on five minutes ago (The rice wine he got for us last Christmas was splendid! Heāll bring some again for Chuseok, wonāt he?), that you just didnāt have the heart to tell her the truth.
So, because you canāt take back the pretty white lies you uttered (Uh, of course he will. Gyu told me he missed everyone back at home, too. Especially Namja), youāre attempting to rope Mingyu into the charade even if the odds are against you.
The first call doesnāt go through. Neither does the second.Ā
By your third try, youāre about to accept the fact that youāre going to have to make some due corrections to what you told your mother until you hear a groggy, āHello?ā on the other line.Ā
You nearly fall off your seat at the throaty sound of Mingyuās voice, but youād rather not get weird looks from your receptionist, so you breathe in as deeply (and quietly) as you can before mustering a smile that he wonāt even be able to see.
āHey, Mingyu, itās me,ā you begin, a bit proud of how your voice didnāt even falter. āItās been a while. Did I catch you at a bad time?ā
He doesnāt respond for a while, and the prolonged silence makes you bite the inside of your cheek. Did the call fall through? Did he not hear what you said? But just when youāre about to repeat the wordsā
āKind of,ā Mingyu grumbles, and you try not to think about how sexy his morning voice sounds despite it being two in the afternoon. āWe finished taping a variety show today and I figured Iād get some sleep. Itās midnight right now.ā
Well thatās news to you.
āOh. Youāre not in Korea?ā
āNah. Weāre in New York for some brand collaborations,ā he says, and you hear some rustling in the background, followed by a yawn. āThough I doubt youāve been keeping tabs on us.āĀ
Okay, he doesnāt have to call you out like that.
Sure, you still catch posts from Mingyu, as well as the other twelve members of SEVENTEEN from time to time, butā¦after breaking up with him (on good terms, promise!), you thought itās best if you didnāt see too much of them anymore. The block and mute buttons are your best friends, and while you didnāt use them on the members directly, gossip outlets were your regular targets.
So to speak, itās been a peaceful six months since your break up with Mingyu.Ā
Until now.
āDo you need something?ā he asks, and you realize you didnāt respond to what he said last. āWhatever it is, I might not be able to help you out right away. Weāre holed up here until next month.ā
Wellā¦thatās all the confirmation you needed.
āI see,ā you sigh, trying not to sound too disappointed. āItāsā Itās okay.ā
āSo you do need something,ā Mingyu points out, voice much clearer now than it was two minutes ago. Like he was more awake. āWhat is it?ā
āNothing you should worry about, Gyu,ā you reassure before making a face, not realizing how easily the old nickname just slipped out. āIām sorry for waking you up. You should go back toāā
The sound of him whining at the other end sends another rush of vertigo through your entire being. āCome on, Iām awake anyways right? You know how hard it is for me to fall asleep again.ā
āIf Iād known we werenāt in the same continent, I wouldnāt have called altogether,ā you say before quaintly adding, āShit. This counts as an international call, doesnāt it?ā
Thereās someone else in the room with him, you thinkāa quiet drawl of Mingyu-hyung, what time is it? You immediately recognize it as Seungkwan.Ā
āFive minutes past midnight,ā Mingyu says, and Seungkwan asks another question that you arenāt able to catch. āWho am I talking to? Bookkeu and Bobpulās worst enemy.ā
āHey!ā You scowl at him. āThey never even whined when you and Seungkwan brought them to me for their shots!ā
āNoona? Why are you calling this guy?ā Seungkwan says a bit more loudly for you to hear. āDidnāt you dump him already? Good choice, by the way.āĀ
This time itās Mingyuās turn to utter out a semi-offended, āHey! Mind your own business, Seungkwan-ah.ā
A few minutes of bickering with his dongsaeng later, you figure that Mingyu mustāve gone outside of their hotel room for some privacy. You can vaguely hear the sound of the wind blowing on his end before he heaves a deep sigh.
āSorry about that.ā He coughs awkwardly. āAnyway, if youāre not going to tell me about what you needed help with, how are you? Is the clinic doing well? Did your receptionist finally ditch her shitty boyfriend? Does that one guy with a husky still hit on you?ā
Youāre a little overwhelmed by the sudden influx of questions. Last you checked, you havenāt spoken to Mingyu since you greeted him on his birthday over a quick text message. But then again, your ex does have a talent for completely ignoring the time that exists in between interactions. Mingyuās always been amicable for conversation, idol or not, boyfriend or not.Ā
The mere thought that he hasnāt changed at all makes your heart ache in more ways than one.
You manage a quiet laugh. āIām fine. The clinicās fine. Chae has a new boyfriend now. He even helps us sort out new products on the shelves sometimes.ā
At the mention of her name, your receptionist whips her head in your direction, one brow raised. You shake your head with a smile, gesturing that this is nothing she should even be remotely concerned about.Ā
Itās just Mingyu after all.
āOkay, how about the guy whoāā
āI turned him down when he asked me out for lunch last week.ā
He whistles. āOuch. And heās been trying to get with you all this time.ā
āI donāt usually date my clients, you know.ā
āYeah? I must be special then.ā
Then comes the silenceāso thick, you can cut through it with a knife.Ā
āUh, so I have a patient coming in an hour for a castration procedure,ā you tell him a bit awkwardly. āGotta prepare everything before the owner arrives.ā
Mingyu sighs, and you can almost imagine him pouting. āYouāre really not gonna tell me? I can still help you with whatever you need even when Iām out here. Unless it requires me to, you know, physically be there.ā
You chuckle. āThatās the thing, Gyu. You canāt help me because I need you to actually be here.ā
āOh. Why? What for?ā
You inhale sharp breath through your nose, closing your eyes as your face warms with embarrassment. Chae is definitely looking at you funnily from her station now, but you tell yourself not to give it too much thought.
āMom asked if I was bringing you with me for Chuseok,ā you admit. āI havenāt been home since Christmas, so⦠They kind of have no idea that we arenāt together anymore.ā
Mingyu falls silent for a while yet again, and you realize that your anxiousness spikes whenever he isnāt talking like thereās no tomorrow. You wonder if heās figured out what youāre trying to insinuate and is silently berating you for the lapse in judgment. But when Mingyu bursts out laughing on the other end, you suddenly don't mind being on the receiving end of his silence after all.
āNo way,ā he gasps between chuckles. āYou were going to ask me to pretend to be your boyfriend over the holidays, werenāt you?! One of the fans wrote a story about the exact same thing once, except itās between me and Wonwoo-hyung. It was in English though, but Vernon translated it pretty well.ā
ā¦Kim Mingyu admitting to reading fanfiction about himself and Wonwoo aside, you groan. āWhat am I supposed to do? My family loves you. Iād rather not dampen the Chuseok spirit by saying their favorite son has unfortunately made his unannounced exit half a year ago.ā
āSo youāre willing to pretend weāre still together just to keep them happy?ā
āWell, yeah. Itās not like youāre an ex I should be ashamed of, Gyu.ā
āBecause Iām an idol that millions are vying for?āĀ
You roll your eyes. āNo. Itās because out of all my exes, youāre the only one that Namja actually likes. Thatās pretty much the highest honor you can receive in your entire life.ā
Your heart does a little flip when Mingyu barks out another light-hearted laugh. You tell yourself that youāre only reacting that way becauseā¦it has been a while since you talked to him. That, and Mingyu was always so smiley whenever you brought up your ten year-old retriever.
āPoint taken,ā he says. āIād totally be down to help you out, butā¦yeah.ā
āI knew you would be,ā you reply, a sad smile ghosting your features. āThatās why I called.ā
Silence settles over the line once again, but itās, by no means, awkward. Itās moreā¦sentimental. Like two old friends reminiscing about the good memories you shared.Ā
Huh. Youāre friends with Mingyuā¦
āAnyway, thanks for catching up with me, Mingyu,ā you tell him before you end up saying something youāre not supposed to. āIāll get going now. Good night.ā
āHeyāā
You end the call before he can have the chance to make you falter.
Right behind her desk, Chae looks up at you with a knowing look. You flash her a smile that silently pleads for her not to say a word, but your receptionist has always been on the frank side.
āSomethingās telling me youāre still hung up on him, boss.ā
Sighing, you push yourself back to your feet, tugging on the lapels of your crisp white coat. That might be true to some degree, but itās not like you can do anything about it.
You and Mingyu live in two completely different worlds. Itās something that you both came to terms with when you broke up. You just had to accept the fact that thereās simply no efficient way to work around his busy schedules and the appointments you need to attend to at the clinic.Ā
It was the most unproblematic breakup youāve ever had, and itās with a famous idol. Who wouldāve thought.Ā
āAnyway,ā you tell Chae before nudging the door to the operating room open. āCare to help me look for the anesthetics? I canāt remember where I put them away last timeā¦ā
Your receptionist is most definitely judging you inside your head, but despite how straightforward she can be, Chae still knows when to drop it. After a few clicks on the clinicās desktop computer, she joins you on the hunt for that pesky bottle of anesthesia without asking any intrusive questions.
You make a mental note to treat her to some coffee tomorrow.
ā¦
One of the reasons you seldomly paid your hometown a visit is the hassle that comes with the entire commute.
First you have to endure the long queue to get tickets before sitting through an eight-hour train ride to the seaside town of Haenam. Then comes navigating the local bus routes and schedules that always seem to change every time you go home.Ā
When you made it out of the train station for this yearās Chuseok celebration, you didnāt even bother stressing yourself out with taking the bus back to your parentsā houseāflagging down a taxi that definitely charged you a ridiculous rate in exchange for your utmost comfort instead.Ā
You try not to think about how easier it was last Christmas, when you and Mingyu took turns driving one of his companyās cars on the way hereālaughing and singing along to their songs on the road like nothing else mattered.
The scent of salt hangs heavy in the breeze when you unload your baggage from the trunk of the taxi. You had the foresight to make the trip before midnight, so youāre rewarded with the sight of the sunrise breaking through the nearby oceanālight glittering across the horizon like it means to say welcome home.Ā
Thatās what you should feel; like youāre at home. But the fact that youāre about to bring some disappointing news to the table regarding your breakup with Mingyu isnāt doing your peace of mind any favors.Ā
You contemplated coming clean about it to your parents over a phone call, but it seemed tooā¦impersonal with how attached theyāve gotten to your ex-boyfriend. Having a significant other that your family absolutely adores seems like a double-edged sword now that you think about it.
Once the cab hits the road again, you stand in front of your family home with a wistful sigh. Itās barely past seven in the morning, but your father must already be at the pierāsorting out todayās catch with the other fishermen in town.
Your mother loves taking walks in the market even if she doesnāt have anything in particular to purchase for the day. Theyāre early risers by default.Ā
You canāt really say the same for your younger brother, Haneul, though. That one likes to sleep until noon.Ā
When you ring the doorbell outside, you expect to hear the sound of excited barking from the other side of the gate. Namja was always the first to welcome you back whenever youāre in town, and just thinking about reuniting with him quells your anxiousness a little. But surprisingly, you donāt hear the telltale noise of your family dogās excitement.Ā
What you do hear is the sound of the screen door opening and slamming back shutāslippers being hastily slid on before the gate creaks open, revealing Haneul still sporting a bedhead as he rubs his eyes.
āYouāre back,ā he says a-matter-of-factly, like he isnāt even thrilled to see you, but youāre too surprised to see him up so early to quip about it. āMom said you wouldnāt arrive until noon.ā
āI wanted to make the most of my vacation leave,ā you explain before looking around the garden inside. āWhereās Namja? Did Mom take him for a walk, too?ā
Haneul hums before taking your luggage. āHm. You can say that.ā
āWhat does that even mean?ā
As if on cue, your ears perk up at the sound of a familiar bark resounding from the end of the road. You quickly whip your head around to see your beloved golden retriever, Namja, wagging his tail excitedly at the sight of you before letting out another woof when you call out his name in glee.
However, the moment you realize whoās holding his leash, you suddenly feel like you got struck by lightning.
Itās Kim fucking Mingyu.
The sight of your ex-boyfriend just...standing there when he told you he was on the other side of the world sends a million thoughts surging through your head all at once.
You try not to think about how gorgeous he looks in the early morning light. Loose, long sleeved shirt that still emphasizes his muscular build despite. Hair having grown past his chin, curling slightly at the tips. And those stupid fucking canines that peek from his lips every time he grins.Ā
The bastard is just standing there with zero disguises, as if his existence in this place, at this point in time, doesn't throw a wrench in all of your plans.
What the hell is he even doing here?!
āOh, sweetie, youāre back!ā
The sound of your motherās voice is, thankfully, enough to snap you out of your impending mental breakdown. You were so taken aback by Mingyuās presence that you didnāt notice her standing next to him, carrying the bag she usually brings for her early market visits as she flashes you a warm smile.Ā
You can only stand there in shocked silence as your mother makes her way back to the house with your dog and ex-boyfriend in tow. Haneul was already inside, so you canāt exactly glare at him for not giving you a headās up. But given that you still have no idea what on earth is going on, youāll play along. For now.
āAre you surprised?ā your mother giggles before patting Mingyuās shoulder. āMingyu here said he got off work for a while so he could celebrate with us!ā
āGee, I didnāt know about that,ā you say dryly, unsure of what expression you should even wear. āI thought he was going to be in New York until next month.ā
She laughs again. āOh, he told me and your father to keep it a secret that heās going back to Korea anyways. Seems like the surprise worked, didnāt it, Mingyu-ah?ā
The culprit himself agrees with a minute nod before loosening his grip on Namjaās leash.Ā
Your goldie immediately bounds towards you at the first sign of freedom, bracing his paws on your stomach as he attempts to lick your neck. Itās enough to distract you from the current predicament at hand, making you sigh in defeat as you sink to your knees and receive Namjaās slobbery affection in its entirety.Ā
As you snuggle up to the family dog, Mingyu says, āWhat can I say? I missed Haenam a lot. The scenery, the family, Namja, but of courseā¦ā
You can only sit there in growing disbelief as Mingyu mirrors your movements. He crouches low enough so that your gazes are leveled before caressing your face with a tenderness thatās both familiar and foreign at the same time.Ā
āI missed her the most.ā
This is all a charadeāthatās what you can confirm from the limited clues heās dropping for you to pick up on. You can try to figure out why heās suddenly here in your hometownāhaving arrived earlier than you, from the looks of itāa little later.
Whatās important is that Mingyu, ever-so helpful, is actually playing along with the act you not-so-jokingly told him about on the phone.
You should be glad.Ā
ā¦But why do those words make your heart ache anyways?
āOf course you do,ā you sigh before peeling yourself away from his touch, carrying Namja in your arms as if he doesnāt easily weigh thirty kilograms. āCome on. Letās get back inside and help Mom prepare whatever sheās planning on cooking for lunch.ā
Mingyuās smile doesnāt falter despite your obvious dismissal of his affection. You remind yourself that heās racked up a lot of acting gigs throughout his career, so itās normal for him to be a natural at this.Ā
But even if you know that this is all an act, you canāt help the way your heart lurches when Mingyu scoops Namja out of your graspāthe mere brush of his skin on yours more electrifying than it should be.
Namja whines in your exās arms, pawing at his chest before licking a long stripe across his cheek. Mingyu bursts out laughing as he coos at him, and your chest burns with an indescribable feeling.
A few moments later, your mother starts gushing about how excited she is to have both of you in the kitchen with her again as she leads you back inside the house. But all that rings in your head is a broken mantra of Mingyu saying I missed her the most.
As if repeating the words enough times will make them come true.
...
Itās one thing to know that Mingyu is in Haenam when heās supposed to be overseas.
Itās another thing to see his usual overnight bag at the foot of your unmade bed, making you realize that he definitely came here much earlier than you anticipated.
Mingyu is currently in the kitchen, helping your mother out with lunch prep while she insists that you get some sleep first. Though the trains that led to the southern provinces were designed to be more comfortable than the ones contained in Seoul, nothing defeats the comfort of your old childhood bed.Ā
Except when youāre made aware of the fact that your ex-boyfriend probably slept in it after making the trip all the way here.Ā
The sheets even smell like him. A hint of that expensive fragrance he never seems to get tired of laces your pillows, and warmth rushes to your face when you realize youāre breathing it in a bit too much.Ā
So what if Mingyu slept here, right? Your parentsā house doesnāt have a guest room, and this was probably the only room available.
Oh, and in your familyās eyes, Mingyu is still your boyfriend. There shouldnāt be anything weird about your boyfriend, who went out of his way to quote-unquote surprise you, sleeping in your room, on your bed, without your knowledge.
And there definitely isnāt an issue with having to sleep next to him on said bed come nightfall.
You totally got this.
An attempt to dissuade all these intrusive thoughts is made as you unload the contents of your luggage into your old cabinet. It works for a while because all the old clothes you still kept tickled some memories from way back in high school, when becoming a vet was nothing but a pipe dream you came up with after Namja became sick on the day of his first birthday.Ā
In fact, as you look around further, youāre reminded of just how much time has passed since you moved out. The paint on the walls is starting to chip, and the floorboards creakier than you remember. Even the bed that was too spacious for your liking seems to shrink when you imagine Mingyu sprawled all over it with a blanket thrown over his large form.Ā
But when you recall how you two somehow made the sleeping arrangement work last Christmas, you figure that there isnāt much to worry about.
Aside from the fact that youāre not together anymore. Fuck.
āHey. Are you awake?ā
You jolt at the sound of a soft voice coming from the door. Mingyuās handsome face peeks from the crack before he opens it all the way, lips pressed together in a hesitant smile.
āYour mom asked if I could fetch your father at the pier in a few,ā he says. āDo you want to come with me or do you want to get some sleep first?ā
āDo I want toāā you cut yourself off, throwing your hands up in disbelief. āMingyu, what I want is for you to explain what youāre doing here.ā
He cranes his head. āYou said you needed help.ā
āYeah, but I was going to be honest about the breakup anyway!ā you whisper, not wanting to attract unwanted attention from outside. God knows this house has paper-thin walls. āBut then youāre suddenly here, cozying up to my family like we havenāt been ignoring each other for months already.ā
āHey, Iād never ignore you.ā Mingyu pouts. āI even picked up when you called me at ass oāclock in the morning, remember? If someoneās ignoring anyone here, itās you, sweetheart.ā
You hate how you bristle at that little pet name. Mingyu doesnāt seem to notice how you react to it, so you steel yourself insteadārefusing to give into his unintentional charms. āThatās not the point and you know it, Mingyu. You canāt blame me for reacting this way when you told me that you wouldnāt be able to help me out.ā
āBut Iām here, right? I thought youād be a little happier to see me, but I might have been overestimating myself.ā
You are. You are happy to see him.Ā
But having to live with the knowledge that Mingyu is right here, close enough for you to touch, yet canāt because your relationship has long expired?Ā
You werenāt ready for that. You donāt think youāll ever be.
āLook,ā he starts with a tone thatās meant to placate you, āyou were right about not wanting to ruin the holidays with the breakup. Iām just here to help you out since youāre obviously not ready to break the news to your family. Itās not a big deal.ā
You scowl at him. āMingyu, it is a big deal. You are literally an idol with a packed fucking schedule. You canāt just play house with me here when youāre expected to be somewhere else.ā
Mingyu shakes his head. āListen to me first, okay? We were all given the weekend off because of Chuseok on short notice. You donāt have to worry about you unknowingly stealing me away from work because there is no work. Besides, I told you Iād still be here when you need me, right?ā
How can he say all that with a straight face? Like he still thinks of you as anything but an old flame thatās long been snuffed out?
The problem with Mingyu is that heās too earnest for his own good. Always wearing a spectrum of emotions on his sleeve. Always so honest about what he feels about certain things. Itās so fucking difficult to stand your ground against someone whoās nothing but forthcoming about every aspect of his life.Ā
But itās not like you could ever resist him to begin with, right?
āFine,ā you grumble. āGive me a few minutes to prep. I donāt want to go out in the docks wearing this many layers anyways.ā
You hate how your chest warms when Mingyuās eyes light up at that. Fight back, maybe?!
He looks like heās about to say something when an abrupt knock disturbs the quiet atmosphere of your room. From how annoyingly long it lasts, you single out your younger brother as the perpetrator.
āYou better not be making your firstborn in there,ā Haneul drawls from the other side.Ā
Mingyu flashes you a mischievous smile before cupping the sides of his hands over his mouth. āWe might be making our second born for all you know.ā
You wonāt survive this weekend. You really wonāt.
ā¦
āRemember when we used to eat ice cream by the Han River?āĀ
You flash Mingyu a perplexed look as you climb out of the car he used to drive all the way to your hometown. Itās a mystery how his manager allows him to go places with their company car with no supervision, but itās not like Mingyu has done anything in the past to warrant that kind of surveillance anyway.
Besides, if heās spending the entirety of Chuseok with a bunch of bodyguards lingering around your house, you might actually force him to go back to Seoul altogether.
āWhyād you bring it up?ā you ask. āI thought you didnāt like those kinds of dates ācause you had to amp up the disguises and everything.ā
Mingyu pockets the keys to the car before leaning against the metal railings installed along the pier. Your father is yet to show up at your rendezvous point, so you figure it wouldnāt do anyone harm to entertain Mingyuās attempt at small talk.Ā
āHmm. While I did prefer just cuddling in the dorms and at your place, it always felt a little different whenever we went out together,ā he muses, the wind tossing his hair around slightly before turning to look at you. āHow about you? Do you have any favorite date of ours in particular?ā
You sigh, unsure why heās even asking you all of this. Yet you indulge him anyway with, āI donāt think it classifies as a ādateā, but I kinda liked it whenever you hung out with me in the clinic while I tended to some patients. Even if your presence there is an occupational hazard in itself.ā
He snickers to himself, and you know damn well he still remembers the flock of fangirls that ran into him in the waiting room when Mingyu paid you a visit out of boredom. Thankfully, they were the respectful kind, and promised not to divulge information about Mingyuās whereabouts whenever they catch him at your clinic.
āThe dogs are always happy to see me,ā he chuckles. āThe cats, not so much. Oh, but remember when someone brought in their pet snake? I think that one had a crush on me.ā
You do, in fact, remember the day Mingyu got bitten by a boa constrictor named Yujin. Her owner is one of your regulars, since other vets in the city donāt have reptiles under their area of expertise. Yujin hasnāt bitten anyone since she first came for a checkup, so you figure that Mingyu must have done something pretty stupid to provoke the aggression.Ā
āYou better be glad constrictor bites arenāt venomous,ā you point out with an airy laugh. āNot even a true loveās kiss can cure a venomous snake bite.āĀ
āIt can cure a handful of other things though.ā
You turn to glance at Mingyu with a miffed look at his attempt at smooth-talk. Heās always been this way, so it doesnāt particularly faze you. But it still feels surreal to be talking with him right next to the open sea in your hometown as you both wait for your father to arrive.
āI never really got to ask,ā you murmur, eyes still trained on a flock of seagulls huddling together near the docks. āHow are you? Youāre not burning yourself out again, are you?ā
You donāt see it, but Mingyu smiles to himself. āItās in our job description to push ourselves past the limit, you know. Butā¦honestly? Itās been pretty lonely.ā
You make a face at that. āLonely? Youāre literally with twelve other guys, like, eighty percent of the time. How does it ever get lonely?ā
Mingyu hums before leaning further over the railing. He looks up at the clear blue sky, breathing deeply with his eyes closed, and for a moment, youāre a bit taken aback by how breathtaking he looks under the spill of morning sunlight.Ā
āYou can still get lonely in the middle of all the noise,ā he murmurs. āThatās why I was kind of glad I got to go back here for a while. I know I said I meant to help you out, but there mightāve been some selfish reasoning behind the choice, too.ā
Your gaze softens at his words. Mingyu is one of the most intensely passionate members of their group, so itās not hard to believe that heās also one of those that ends up feeling this way. You remember having a similar conversation with him during a quiet night in your apartment, limbs tangled together under the sheets as he wonders if your lives would be different if he wasnāt an idol.
But of course, itās your job to remind him that, even if it could become exhausting at times, he once dreamed of being where he is now.Ā
āThey probably miss you already,ā you say. āDonāt you guys usually film content for Chuseok?ā
āYeah, but all of thatās prerecorded. Theyāre all with their families right now, too.āĀ
āReally? What are you doing here then?ā you tease.
Mingyu tilts his head to the side, lips curved into a lopsided smile that reminds you how it felt to catch feelings for him the first time.
āWho ever said you arenāt family?ā
Unfair. Heās being so fucking unfair right now.
But you canāt even think about pushing him into the sea because your father has already made his entrance, waving at the two of you despite his hands being full of fishing paraphernalia.Ā
He sulks about how it took you so long to go back home, and you had to explain that things have been extra hectic at your clinic, especially when you inevitably earned the reputation of being āSEVENTEEN Mingyu and Seungkwanās trusted veterinarianā despite neither of them having dropped by since the breakup.
You donāt tell them that last part though. The last thing you need is for Mingyu to have something to gloat about.
āItās a miracle how those nasty paparazzi folks from Dispatch havenāt caught on yet,ā your dad says before climbing into the backseat of Mingyuās company car. āUnless youāre already in cahoots with them? Remember, Kim Mingyu, leave my daughter out of any celebrity gossip! Sheās already built a good name for herself.āĀ
A throaty laugh rumbles in Mingyuās chest as he pulls out into the street. āYou donāt have to worry about that, sir. Protecting her has always been my top priority.ā
Your father nods, seemingly pleased with his response. āDamn straight.āĀ
You donāt express any outward reaction to what Mingyu just told your dad, but you donāt resist when he reaches for your hand over the center console.Ā
The moment you he squeezes your fingers, you squeeze back.Ā
ā¦
The rest of the day is packed with preparing lunch and dinner options for your other relatives in town. Having Mingyu on board is an undeniable asset, since the man knows his way around the kitchen even better than you do. Itās a little endearing to think that, even if itās the first time heās meeting your aunts and uncles and cousins, his personality makes him fit right in.Ā
Turns out, one of your cousinsā daughters is a huge fan, and she couldnāt believe her eyes when she saw Kim Mingyu smoking fish in the backyard of your parentsā house. She made him promise to sign one of her photocards before they leaveāa request that your ex is all too happy to oblige.Ā
By dinnertime, most of the guests have already left, and itās just you, Mingyu, and Haneul sharing the rice wine Mingyu brought for the occasion, with your parents having already retired for the night. You didnāt even tell him that your Mom wanted another taste of it, yet he delivered anyway.Ā
āHow are you guys doing it?ā Haneul whines, a bit red in the face since heās already had a few beers before your cousins all left. āWhen my ex-girlfriend moved to another city, it only took two weeks for us to break up. Long distance is the bane of everyoneās existence.ā
āEveryone but ours,ā Mingyu says before clinking his glass with yours. āYou just have to communicate with each other constantly. If youāre honest about everything both of you are feeling, then itāll be easier to work things out together.ā
Itās so easy for him to say these kinds of things. As if your relationship didnāt go to ruin because of the long distance that always kept the two of you apart. You feel a bit bad for having Mingyu lie to your brother right in his face, but you tell yourself that youāre already here anyway.Ā
Youāll just have to fake it until you make it.
āBut what if the other party doesnāt want to talk about it?ā Haneul sighs, tracing the rim of his own glass with his finger. āI wanted to make it work. I really did. But she⦠She didnāt even want to try anymore. Lost faith in us so quickly, I could hardly believe she even loved me.ā
You know Haneul is just drunkenly rambling about his grievances with his ex. He called you about it a few years ago, long before you even met Mingyu, and you consoled him by saying that his ex-girlfriend never deserved his love in the first place.
But even if you know the circumstances that led to your split with Mingyu are completely different, you canāt help but find similarities between the stories.Ā
You broke up with Mingyu on the first day of spring. When the snow was just beginning to thaw, and the wind started to bring in a warmer climate. Theyād just gone back from tour, and you know youāre not the only one feeling the tightly-wound strings of your relationship beginning to fray at the seams.Ā
āIāve been thinking about it for a while now, but I donāt think weāre going to work, Gyu,ā you murmured, not having the guts to meet his eyes. āI think itās best if we just focused on our careers.ā
You thought heād throw a fit. Or at least ask you a bunch of questions. Did he do something wrong? Is he not enough? Yet Mingyu simply flashed you a sad smile before nodding right back at you.
āOkay,ā he said with a kind of resignation that breaks your heart to hear. āThank you for being with me all this time.ā
In the present, Mingyu shifts beside you on the tableāabruptly startling you out of that impromptu trip down memory lane.Ā
āThen, youāll just have to take it in stride, Haneul-ah,ā he murmurs before throwing back the rest of his drink. Mingyu manages a tight-lipped smile that pains you to look at. āIf you really love her, youāll respect whatever choice sheās come to make in the end. Even if that choice doesnāt involve you anymore. Even if it hurts to see her walk away after everything youāve built together.ā
When Mingyu turns to look at you, you feel like thereās cotton sticking to the roof of your mouth.
āItās a good thing I never have to experience that with your sister, though. She loves me too much to let me go.ā
Haneul huffs from across the table before rising to his feet. āYou two are so in love itās actually disgusting. You know what, letās just go to sleep.ā
Half an hour later, you find yourself standing in the middle of your bedroom as Mingyu gets ready to sleep. He seems to be talking to someone on the phone inside your bathroom, but you purposely decide not to listen in. It was probably his manager or one of the other boys checking in on him.
You donāt wait for him to finish when you climb under the sheets, leaving enough space for him to occupy on the mattress, should he decide to share it with you tonight. Thereās also an extra blanket folded on his side of the bed, since Mingyuās a notorious blanket hogger, and youād rather not wrestle that six-foot hunk of muscle for warmth.Ā
Mingyu takes so long on that phone call of his that by the time he finishes, youāre already fast asleep, curled up while facing the wall so you wouldnāt have to face him. He chuckles, lingering just a few seconds longer by the doorframe of the bathroom. How long has it been since heās last seen your face under the peaceful guise of slumber?Ā
Itās been too long, and he isnāt about to pass up on the opportunity to commit the sight into memory.
ā¦
Sometime in the middle of the night, youāre rudely roused by the sudden drop in temperature.
Itās only the beginning of autumn, but you noticed that itās a lot colder than usual. Even if you already have a cozy blanket draped right on top of you. You sigh, shifting on the bed to get more comfortable before realizing that youāre not exactly alone.Ā
Much like yourself, Mingyu is blinking out the drowsiness in his eyes as he turns to look at you with a question in his sleepy gaze. You shake your head in a wordless attempt to tell him not to worry.Ā
āYouāve been tossing and turning for thirty minutes now,ā he says, and hearing his throaty voice in person doesnāt even compare to that phone call you shared a week ago. āWhatās wrong?ā
You sigh. āItās cold, and it isnāt even winter yet.ā
He looks at you for a while, as if thinking of what to say before he reaches out for you and tugs you into his arms. Even if youāre practically half-asleep, the sudden action kickstarts your brain into motion, and you struggle against his grip all while whispering, āWhat the hell are you doing?!ā
āYou told me back then Iām as good as a furnace on cold days,ā he mumbles as he tucks you into his chestāmaking you hyper aware of every ridge of his toned chest through his shirt. āIf it bothers you so much, just think of it as a favor from one friend to another. Howās that sound?ā
Friend. You know thatās all that Mingyu is to you these days, and all you are to him, but even in this drowsy haze youāre in, the word still feels like an insult. A word meant to scorn the time youāve spent as lovers.Ā
Just thinking about Mingyu as a friend leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, so instead of answering him, you cave and burrow yourself into his warmthāsomething that he seems pleased with, if the satisfied sound that rumbles in his chest is anything to go by.Ā
He holds you in his arms the same way he did last Christmas, but thereās an unfamiliar sense of possessiveness sinking uncomfortably in the pit of your stomach. You know you shouldnāt think of what heās doing as anything but a favor between friends. Youāre perfectly aware that, as the person who officially ended things between the both of you, you have no right to yearn for something you already gave up on.
But when Mingyu tilts your head up so you can meet his sleepy eyes, you donāt even put up a fight when he presses his lips to yours.
It doesnāt seem like he planned on doing anything beyond that. In fact, you donāt think he meant to do it at all. Just a heat-of-the-moment decision that the two of you could just forget about come morning.Ā
However, the moment he starts to pull away, you force a hand across the back of his head, crushing your lips back together as you hook one of your thighs across his hips. Mingyu groans into the kiss, large hands migrating to your waist as he reciprocates your newfound hunger like you knew he would. His touch leaves trails of fire tingling across your skin, and every time his canines graze your bottom lip, you quietly moan into his mouth.
This is stupid. Youāre both being incredibly stupid. The walls are anything but soundproof, and your parents are sleeping just across the hall.
Yet you canāt bring yourself to care. Not when Mingyu is making your body remember what it feels like to have him all over you like this.
You missed him. His heat. His touch. His kiss. Everything. You missed him so much that it hurts. You missed him so much that when Mingyuās fingers start to glide along the exposed flesh of your thighs, you detach your lips from his before pushing him away.
You missed Kim Mingyu with the intensity of a dying star collapsing in on itself, of black holes tearing through reality, but this isnāt how you should go about it.
āLetāsā¦ā you whisper, not quite trusting your voice to carry out your message. āLetās just sleep.ā
Mingyu doesnāt argue. He rarely does. But neither do you when he tugs you back in the caging embrace of his warmth.Ā
For the first time in weeks, you find yourself drifting off into undisturbed slumber.
ā¦
The next morning, youāre set to go back to Seoul, and by some stroke of luck, so is Mingyu. Still, the two of you decide to stick around until lunch timeāneither of you breathing a word about what just happened last night.
But while Mingyu starts to load both of your things into the trunk of his car, your mother asks you for a favor at the last minute.
āCan you bring Namja along with you back to the city?ā she asks. āHeās been really listless before you and Mingyu arrived. Your father and I were starting to get worried, and figured you might have to do a check up first.ā
You raise an eyebrow at her claim, not really noticing anything amiss about your retrieverās health, aside from the usual signs of age. Heās ten years old, turning eleven this year, so it isnāt such a mystery to see that Namja isnāt as hyperactive as he was as a puppy. But then again, your mother has spot-on intuition about all the strangest things, so you indulge her request in the end.Ā
Besides, having a pet of your own to keep you company doesnāt sound so bad.
Fortunately, Mingyu is more than hospitable when you ask if you could bring Namja along for the rideāpromising that heās car-trained, and wonāt make a mess as long as you pull over from time to time. In fact, your ex seems more elated with the idea of your goldie joining the road trip than you are.
āI can come visit Namja in Seoul whenever I want now, right?ā he asks with a soft laugh, and you wanted to reply with, Yeah, if you arenāt always so far away, that is, but choose not to.Ā
The two of you take shifts in driving as usual. Whoever isnāt behind the wheel is in charge of entertaining Namja in the backseat so he wouldnāt end up whining for attention the whole drive back. Itās a setup that youāre pretty okay with, since it minimizes any sort of window for you and Mingyu to have a conversation. God knows youāre not exactly ready to talk aboutā¦whatever happened last night.Ā
So instead, you ask him about a bunch of trivial things so he doesnāt get any ideas.
āYou sure your manager is okay with you returning the car while it reeks of Namja?ā you laugh before switching lanes on the freeway. āHe might not take the news that he sheds very lightly.āĀ
Mingyu chuckles before scratching behind Namjaās ears. āI promised Iād have it cleaned before I returned it to the office building. Donāt worry about it.ā
āHm. Whatever you say.ā
By your third stop-over, you decide to give Namja some food and water while Mingyu gets takeout for the both of you at a nearby fast food chain. You stretch out your limbs while your retriever happily laps from his water bowl, wondering how much longer itās going to take before you reach Seoul.Ā
Before you have to part ways with Mingyu again.
Youāre startled out of your train of thought when you see Mingyu practically sprinting back to the car, his sunglasses nearly falling off the bridge of his nose. Namja glances up at him quizzically, and you have to stifle a laugh.
āYeah, a bunch of fans spotted me in line, so we might have to get food back in the city instead,ā he explains hurriedly as he helps tidy up Namjaās food and water bowls. āLetās go. Iāll drive.ā
After his meal, Namja is sated and sleepyācontent with resting his head on your thigh as you watch the streetlights blur past the windows. Mingyu is a much faster driver than you are, so heās able to cut the travel time shorter than it would have been had it been you behind the wheel. But the lack of anything to do has you quietly staring at Mingyu from the backseat while his eyes are glued to the road.
You canāt help but let your gaze linger on his strong arms, and the fact that you were tucked safely between them the night prior. But thatās your first mistake because now, youāre thinking about those desperate kisses you shared in the privacy of your room. Touching each other like you both feared the other would disappear if you didnāt pull them close enough.
You shake your head. No. This isnāt how friends should think about each other.Ā
Whatever happened back in Haenam, youāre just going to have to leave it there.
Itās already past eight in the evening when Mingyu eases the car into your neighborhood, and you try not to think much of the fact that he still knows where you live.Ā
āGuess that concludes our weekend getaway,ā Mingyu says the moment he finishes helping you carry your stuff back inside your apartment. āThough it seems that someoneās getting pretty cozy really quickly.ā
Namja is already familiarizing himself with his new home, wandering around the living room all while sniffing everything in his path. You stifle a soft laugh.
āYeah. I guess it is,ā you murmur before managing a kind smile. āThanks for having my back, Mingyu. Itā¦means a lot. Really, it does.ā
He laughs softly, eyes trailing around the living room with a curiosity that isnāt so different from Namjaās. āYou have your first boyfriend with you now. I can rest easy knowing youāre in good company.ā
Your face flushes at the thought that Mingyu still remembers the reasoning behind Namjaās namesake. Namjachingu. When he was still a puppy, you said Namja was your first boyfriend, and that you didnāt need anyone else.Ā
He lived up to his title for years, tooāalways acting hostile around past boyfriends that you did end up bringing to your parentsā house despite coming from a friendly breed. The only boyfriend that your first boyfriend seemed to approve of is the man standing right in front of you, just when you thought you would never see him again within the four corners of your house.
āYou know,ā Mingyu begins, hesitation crossing his face for a split second before he meets your eyes. āMy familyās in Seoul for Chuseok, too. I told Minseo to bring Bobpul and Baptori, and you might want to schedule a little playdate between my kids and yours.āĀ
You raise an eyebrow. āWhereās Aji?ā
āToo old to travel around,ā he chuckles. āBut Iām sure the other two can keep Namja company just fine. Join us tomorrow for dinner. What do you say?āĀ
You hesitate. This shouldāve been where you drew the line. Mingyu has already helped you out of your initial predicament. You really shouldnāt create any more problems for yourself by joining his family for a late Chuseok dinner. In factā¦
āWhat, you havenāt told your family that we split either?ā you ask, half-jokingly, half-seriously.
āNo, they know.ā Mingyu shakes his head. āBut theyāve always liked you too, so I see no harm in getting everyone to hang out in one place.ā
You shoot him a pointed look. āYou know this is just going to make things more complicated, right?ā
When he flashes you that toothy grin, you already know that this is a losing battle.Ā
āIt does, but itās still going to be fun,ā he says. āSo, are you coming?āĀ
Sometimes, you wish you never met Mingyu at all. Maybe your life wouldnāt be so fucking difficult.
āFine.ā
ā¦
The next day, you bring Namja to the clinic, and Chae is more than happy to see the brand new addition to the workforce. But while sheās giving your goldie more pets than he probably deserves, you ask if you have any clients coming this morning that called in advance.
āOh, thereās this one guy whoās bringing in a maltese today,ā she says, laughing a little when Namja whines at the fact that her attention is divided. āI think his name was⦠Seungkwan? Something like that. He has some records from last year, but he hasnāt been back since.ā
Seungkwanās coming today? Huh. Talk about coincidence.
You tell Chae about how Seungkwan and Mingyu belong to the same group, and your receptionist is adept enough to catch on to what youāre trying to say. Sheās all too quick to suggest plans on how to mitigate the fans from flocking the entrance to the clinic, like that one time when Mingyu was too lax in disguising himself from anyone who could recognize him.Ā
But when Seungkwan arrives at your door, you remember that heās one of the members that doesnāt particularly like being crowded by people, even if they are his fans.
Heās dressed discreetlyādark shades, a beanie, and a black face maskāwhile carrying an adorable pet carrier thatās probably worth half your monthly salary. Seungkwan is so straight-to-the-point with carrying out his business with you, that itās hard to believe you and him used to joke around like old friends a year ago.Ā
But for some reason, when Chae excuses herself to answer a phone call, the faƧade he puts up falls apart in seconds.
āNoona, you have no idea how much I missed you!ā he wails before throwing his arms around you. āOther vets just donāt cut it for Bookkeu! Theyāre always either too mean or too lax with her. You handled her just right today. Canāt believe Mingyu-hyung always calls you her worst enemy.ā
You chuckle before patting his back, and Seungkwan pulls away with a pout on his face. āHey, you guys are the ones who ghosted me after Mingyu and I broke up. Youāre always welcome to come back to have your pets checkedānon-showbiz girlfriend or not.āĀ
āThat hyung of mine is stupid,ā Seungkwan scoffs as he scoops Bookkeu into his arms. āWell, youāre kind of the same way, but I canāt exactly call you stupid or you might take it out on Bookkeuāā
āI would do no such thing, Seungkwan-ah,ā you complain.Ā
āOkay, itās just my personal opinion that maybe you two didnāt have to split up at all,ā he huffs. āMingyu-hyung has become more and more listless since you broke up with him. He might look like his usual self on camera, but when weāre not recording anything? Heās always so lost in thought! It gets on Coups-hyungās nerves sometimes.ā
Listless, huhā¦Ā
Your mother said the exact same thing about Namja. Speaking of, your gaze drifts over to your goldie whoās staring outside the door to your clinic, like heās waiting for Chae to come back and shower him with attention again.Ā
Is Seungkwan insinuating that he and Mingyu arenāt so different?
āMaybe heās just going through a blue period,ā you suggest before writing up a prescription for the vitamins that Bookkeu will have to take for the next two weeks. āItās been so long since we broke up. I doubt heās acting that way because of me.ā
Seungkwan breathes in deeply, like heās just barely able to contain the urge to slap some sense into you. āNoona, listen to me. Kim Mingyu is catastrophically in love with you. When you called that night when we were sharing a hotel room in New York, it was the first time I saw him look so genuinely happy for reasons that arenāt related to our music. But that hyung of mine is too selfless for his own good.ā
You startle a bit when he suddenly lifts Bookkeu closer to you and points her adorable face in your line of sight.Ā
āHe wants you back, but heāll never admit it, especially when you made your choice clear all those months ago,ā Seungkwan says before pushing his maltese even closer to you. āBut now, something tells me that youāre still hung up on him, just as much as heās hung up on youāif all the things he told me about your trip to Haenam are true, that is.ā
Huh. That time he took so long in the bathroom⦠He mustāve been talking to Seungkwan.
āOkay, but why does it feel like youāre using Bookkeu to threaten me into doing something?ā You laugh softly. āSeungkwan, our time is up. And itās not something we can just take back whenever we feel like it.ā
āWhā! Donāt you think things are only that way because both of you are making it more complicated than it should be?ā He sighs, exasperated. āAlso, yes I am using Bookkeu to threaten you. Promise that youāll at least talk to Mingyu-hyung about this? We canāt stand seeing him so out of it anymore. Come on, you canāt resist those cute puppy eyes, right?ā
You sigh, half-considering pointing out that Bookkeu is, by no means, a puppy anymore, but then again, you still call Namja that despite being more than a decade old.
āAlright, alright,ā you relent. āIām meeting his family tonight for dinner anyways. Might as well clear the air.ā
Seungkwan gasps, a comical expression rooting itself on his face. āSee! Youāre having dinner with his family, too?! If youāre not back together by the time we fly back to the U.S., I'm never talking to either of you ever again.ā
Now, itās your turn to pout. āWho are you going to go to for Bookkeuās check-ups then?ā
He opens his mouth, closes it, then opens it again before letting out a petulant huff. You canāt help the snicker that bubbles in your chest as Seungkwan tilts his chin up with indignance.Ā
āPoint taken,ā he says before narrowing his eyes and pointing his index finger at you. āBut Iām expecting Kim Mingyu to come back to the dorms later, happy and not heartbroken. Okay?āĀ
You raise your hands before handing him your written prescription. āNo promises.ā
When Chae returns inside the clinic, you physically have to hold Namja down just so she can give Seungkwan a receipt for todayās visit. Your mother was right, he definitely was growing lonely back in Haenam. You havenāt seen him this excited in years.Ā
Seungkwan bids you another, more formal goodbye, now that you're not alone anymore. He doesnāt need to reiterate what he asked of you out loudāthe look in his eyes is already telling enough.Ā
Given that today is a bit of a slow day, you decide to run a few diagnostic tests on Namja just to confirm whether or not heās silently carrying some sort of disease. But all his results came out normal, except for a clinically insignificant but still noticeable increase in his body sodium levels. Might have to cut down the treats for a few days.Ā
Otherwise, heās happy and healthy tenāgoing elevenāyears into his lifespan. The reason for his lethargy back home must have something to do with innate loneliness after all.
Then you remember what Seungkwan told you about Mingyu. How he hasnāt really been himself since the breakup. You never really felt that during your time together in your hometown. Heās still the effortless charmer that you once fell in love with. The big softie that can get along with anyone and everyone, given the right circumstances.
Mingyu has always been a people pleaser. The last thing he wants to do is inconvenience others. So itās kind of hard to believe that heās been so out of it that even Seungcheol is starting to get pissed with his behavior.Ā
The sound of Namja barking jolts you out of your thoughts before your goldie pads over to where youāre seated behind your desk, whining as he nuzzles your hands as if he knows youāre thinking a bit too hard about something distressful. You let out a quiet laugh, scratching behind his ears just like you know he likes.
āI wonder what Iām supposed to do,ā you chuckle. āMaybe I shouldāve been born as a dog instead. Thinking about all of this is giving me a headache.ā
Namja growls before barking again. Like he doesnāt approve of the idea of not having you as his fur parent. You let out another laugh thatās a lot less quiet before you decide to pull out your phone and shoot Mingyu a text.
Are you picking me up later or not?
ā¦
Dinner with Mingyuās family is splendid
The outdoor restaurant his mother booked in advance probably serves the best songpyeon youāve ever tasted in your life. Add that to the fact that they accommodate pets in their alfresco area, this could easily be one of the next places youāll take your own parents for a meal when you bring them to Seoul for a quick getaway.Ā
Namja is a bit shy around other animalsāa result of being around no one but your family for so long. But when Minseo introduces him to both Bobpul and Baptori at the same time, the two little rascals easily coaxed your senior citizen goldie out of his shell. Next thing you know, theyāre running around the outdoor dining area like a bunch of energetic pups.
āUnnie, are you back together with this guy?ā Minseo asks in the middle of dessert, pointing her spoon accusingly at Mingyu. āYou can do so much better than him, though.ā
Their father laughs at their youngestās comment, and their mother rubs Mingyuās back as if she agrees, yet still wishes to console her son regardless. Mingyu is simply scowling at his family for how quick they are to throw him under the bus.
āShut up, you sound just like Seungkwan,ā he whines.Ā
āWell, weāre both right.ā
You let out a laugh of your own before scooping some ice cream into your mouth. Then, tentatively, you say, āDonāt say that. Gyu wasnāt that terrible of a boyfriend, you know?āĀ
āHeās always so busy though. Doesnāt even have time to come visit Bobpul and our other dogs anymore,ā Minseo sulks. āHe even missed my graduation! Can you believe it?ā
Mingyu pouts. āI said I was sorry, didnāt I?āĀ
She huffs. āNot sorry enough!ā
āWell, for starters, even if he is ridiculously busy, he still makes sure to call me before he goes to bed after a particularly tough schedule,ā you say. āHe also answers my calls even if our time zones are different, and itās an ungodly hour where he currently is. Then when he finally comes back to Korea, heāll give a bunch of gifts that reminded him of me on his trip overseas.ā
You donāt know what compelled you to do so, but the words just gush out naturally. It was a little difficult the first time Mingyu had to hop on a plane to some other country to film some content with the boys, but you eventually got used to it, and managed to make a couple work-arounds.
Now that you think about it, if you were so used to it, whyād you decide it was best for you to part ways when he got back from tour? Itās been so long that you donāt even know the logic behind the reasoning anymore. You just remember feeling like it was the best decision at the time. And you were rightāyour careers have definitely thrived even after the breakup.
As you continue telling Minseo and their parents about how much of a catch the eldest son of the Kim family really is, you fail to notice the way Mingyuās eyes never leave you the entire time. Soft, with just a hint of yearning that youāll only be able to notice if you knew what you were looking for.Ā
āUgh, fine,ā Minseo huffs, and you donāt think she and Seungkwan are all that different from each other. āThis is the first time Iāve seen a couple thatās broken up months ago talk about each other so fondly, still. You sure you two arenāt secretly dating again?ā
āMinseo,ā their mother scolds before flashing you an apologetic look. āIām sorry about her. Minseoās just been really snappy lately. Must be because she missed Mingyu here very much.ā
She rolls her eyes. āAs if Iāll miss that credit-grabbing punk. He didnāt even acknowledge me in his latest Instagram post!ā
āSpeaking of dating again,ā their father interjects before taking a sip of his wine. āMinseoās right about one thing at least. You and Mingyu still have chemistry after so long. Whatās stopping you from getting back together again?ā
At your side, Mingyu flashes his father a cautionary look. āDad, thatās a really inappropriate question, donāt you think?ā
āOh, yes, of course. My apologies. This old man is really justā¦curious, so to speak.āĀ
He bows his head slightly, and you make a little gesture that insists you took no offense. But the inquiry definitely made you think for a moment.
Itās like everyone you know completely supports the idea of you and Mingyu just burying the hatchet and rekindling your relationship. But didnāt they consider the logistics of it? Youāre a full-time vet and Mingyuās a full-time idol that travels out of Korea at least once a month. Though youāre a bit unsure of it now, that still played a part in why you called it quits in the first place.
Even when Mingyu took it upon himself to drive you and Namja back to your apartment, his fatherās question still lingers in the back of your mind.Ā
Whatās stopping you from getting back together again?Ā
The answer is pretty simple, but itās not something youāre ready to face just yet.
Itās you. Youāre the only one keeping yourselves from reigniting what you once thought was already lost. Your guilt. Your regrets. Your fears. You didnāt need a verbal confirmation to know that Mingyu would drop everything in a heartbeat if it meant youāll take him back again. But as much as your friends joke about how you deserve better than Mingyu, youāre convinced itās the other way around.
Mingyu deserves someone who can reciprocate the love heās so willing to give tenfold. Someone who doesnāt flake out when he needs them most.Ā
Someone who isnāt you.
When he pulls over a red light, he lets out a sigh as he checks the text messages that popped up on his phone. After a few scrolls he says, āOh. Jeonghan-hyung texted about some party in Gangnam. Do you want toāā
āGyu,ā you whisper, eyes riveted on the busy street. āWhat are we doing?ā
He blinks. āCelebrating Chuseok together?ā
āBut weāre friends right?ā You laugh somewhat bitterly. āFriends donāt normally celebrate the entirety of their Chuseok weekend bonding with each otherās families. Friends donāt make out with each other in the middle of the night. Andā¦ā
You let out a shuddering sigh before adding, āFriends donāt look at each other the way you look at me.ā
You can clearly hear the sound of his breath hitching even if you donāt turn to look at him. It seems like he was about to say something in return, but the stoplight turns green, and heās back to pulling his focus on the road instead of you.
In the backseat, you can hear Namja whiningāever the empath, that one. You immediately feel him pawing against your seat, as if silently asking whatās wrong. Turning around, you give him a few reassuring pats, not wanting to get claw marks all over Mingyuās borrowed car.
The two of you are completely silent as he walks you back to the front door of your apartment. You know he didnāt have to, yet he did anyway. How Mingyu of him.
When you finally muster the courage to look up at him and bid him good night, Mingyu grabs your wristāforcing you to meet his desperate gaze.Ā
āIf I told you I wanted you back, would anything change? No, right?ā he whispers, voice tinged with so much emotion, you can feel your own heart ache at the sound of it. āSo Iām sorry if Iām being selfish for inviting you to every place I could think of. If I want to spend as much time with you as I can because I know I wonāt ever get the chance to do so if I let this pass.ā
When he presses your foreheads together, the look in his eyes is so smoldering, you canāt bear to look away. This is what a man thatās been yearning for you for months looks like, it seems.Ā
And you donāt think you can keep resisting him for long.
āBefore I get thrown back into that haywire of a schedule again,ā he whispers, and you feel every breath fan across your skin, ācanāt you at least let me have this? Let me have you?āĀ
You donāt even know who it is that lunges in for the kiss. The next thing you know, Mingyu has you pressed up against your front door, devouring your lips where all your neighbors can see. But you donāt care. Not when heās desperately holding your body flush against his as you reclaim whatās always been yours.
He whispers a bunch of things along the column of your neck as he loosens the strings holding your dress together from behind. Some sweet, some endearing, and others a touch too filthy for others to hear aloud. You stifle your little gasps when he wraps a strong arm around your waist, nudging your thighs apart with his knees so you can feel the hardness straining against his middle.
āItās you,ā he murmurs against your feverish skin, teeth grazing across your flesh ever-so lightly. āItās always been you. And it will always be you.āĀ
You know Mingyu is a good actor. But itās so earth-shatteringly different to hear the raw desperation in his voice. How earnest he is in telling you just how much he still loves you without saying the words outright. You can only dream of being as honest with your true feelings as he is.Ā
But tonight, you donāt think thereās anything wrong with letting yourself fall.
In the midst of your mounting desire for each other, though, a lone whine in the night snaps both you and Mingyu out of your newfound vigor. You nearly forgot about Namja, whoās impatiently waiting for either of you to open the front door so he can finally take a nap. You glance at Mingyu, and he glances right back, before the two of you burst out laughing like a couple of teenagers without a care in the world.
Once youāve gotten your needy retriever settled outside, Mingyu practically tosses you on the bed the moment the door to your room clicks shutāall too eager to cage you between his arms as he continues where you left off.Ā
The suit he wore tonight looked a bit too good on his frame, but now you want nothing more than to claw it off him. He chuckles, sensing your desperation as he shrugs off his coat and unbuttons his dress shirt along the way.
āI donāt remember you being this desperate for me, sweetheart,ā he murmurs, leaning down to grasp your face as he strokes your heated skin with his thumb. āI canāt say I hate the development though.ā
āMingyu,ā you whimper as you guide his thumb to your lips, suckling on it in a way that you know makes him lose his mind every time. āPlease. I want you.āĀ
Itās so easy to be honest with yourself. You wonder why youāve struggled with doing that for so long, but then you remember that your brain is fogged with desire for the man thatās currently staring you down like heās doing everything in his power not to fuck you into the mattress right away.Ā
But at that moment, you throw all logic and caution in the wind in exchange for taking even more of Mingyuās thick fingers into your mouth.
āSo good for me,ā he whispers when he sees you inch your knees apart to welcome him in between. The hand thatās not being fellated by your tongue finds its way to the apex of your thighsācupping your clothed heat in a way that makes you moan around his fingers. āHow badly do you want me, sweet thing?ā
āSo, so badly,ā you manage to wrench out despite your mouth being full, rutting your hips to introduce some friction between your aching pussy and his hand. āPlease, Gyuā¦ā
When heās satisfied, his free hand migrates to your thighs, spreading you further apart as he brings his lubricated fingers to your sopping core. Thereās something so fucking hot in the way he just nudges your panties to the sideāgroaning when he finds you already soaked for him.Ā
āYou need something to stretch out this pretty little pussy, donāt you?ā he murmurs into your ear, nipping at the lobe just the way you like it. āYou want my fingers or my cock, babygirl? Better choose wisely.ā
You want to say that youāre too fucking horny for foreplay, but also remember that each time you had sex with Mingyu in the past, the stretch of his massive cock can be quite uncomfortable if he doesnāt prep you. With how long itās been since youāve laid in bed together, you donāt want to rush into it without thinking of the consequences after.
So, you mewl, āFingers first. Then your cock.ā
Mingyu laughsāa deep, sexy soundābefore planting a kiss on your nose. āThatās my girl.ā
He carefully eases one digit into your hole, eyes never leaving your face as he gauges your reactions. Part of you wishes to tell him that he doesnāt have to worry so much. That you still trust him with your own body even after all this time. You donāt say anything aloud, but Mingyu seems to get the gist from the look in your eyes either way, surging forward so he can press his lips back onto yours as he loosens you up.
āYouāre always so quick to get wet for me, baby,ā he sighs, stifling the noise that escapes you when he slides in a second finger to test the resistance of your walls. āYouāve no idea how much I missed this. Missed you .ā
āGyu, Iāā Your breath hitches once he curls his fingers just so, making your legs rise involuntarily off the mattress, but Mingyu pins one of your thighs down with his free hand.Ā
āWhat was that?ā
Heās teasing. He rarely ever does that. You shoot him a petulant look before taking his bottom lip between your teeth, tugging hard enough to coax a groan out of him.Ā
āI missed you, too,ā you whisper. āYouāre the only one who can make me feel this good.ā
A dozen emotions flit through Mingyuās face in the span of a millisecond, but the one that remains is something not so different from longing. You hear him sigh a couple of words that you donāt quite catch before heās taking his fingers out of your sopping cunt and pulling away from you. Just when youāre about to voice out a complaint, he starts undoing his trousers, kicking them away to some uncharted part of your bedroom before working on the rest of his dress shirt.
Not-so-newsflash: your ex-boyfriend is still fucking hot.Ā
But he doesnāt seem to notice the way youāre reacting to the sultry way in which he peels his clothes offādark eyes still trained on your pliant form on the bed. As Mingyu palms himself through his boxers, you canāt help but press your thighs together in anticipation of whatās to come.Ā
There was a time when he railed you so good, you legitimately couldnāt walk straight the next day. You wonder if he plans on reenacting the whole thing tonight.
āLetās get you out of that dress, sweetheart,ā he breathes before gently guiding you back into a seated position, tugging at the hem of your dress before tossing it to the side.Ā
You feel your cheeks warm when he stares at the underwear set you have on tonight. Plain cotton panties and plain cotton bra. In your defense, you really didnāt expect to get laid tonight.Ā
āDoesnāt matter,ā Mingyu chuckles. Itās either he can read minds or he still knows you well enough to figure out what youāre thinking. āIām taking everything off anyways.ā
As he makes quick work of whatās left of your clothing, you distantly remember the last conversation you had with Seungkwan. How you told him youād āclear the airā with Mingyu right after having dinner with his family.
Youāre pretty sure what youāre doing right now is only blurring the lines even more, but you donāt really fucking care right now.
You let out a hushed moan when Mingyu latches his mouth onto your nipple, massaging your other breast as he swirls the appendage across your sensitive skin. His free arm snakes itself behind the curve of your waist, pressing you against his firm body while rutting his hips against the bed.Ā
Heās just as desperate for you as you are for him, and it fills you with a heady sort of hunger that only Mingyu can alleviate.
āCan I?ā he whispers.
You feel his teeth graze across the skin of your chest, making your toes curl with anticipation. Itās been a while, but you canāt easily forget how much of a biter Mingyu is in bed. He loves leaving his marks on your body, and even if you always complain about how hard it is to cover them up, you let him do as he pleases every single time.
āYes,ā you whimper, rubbing your bare pussy against the ridge of his abs. āDo whatever you want with me, Gyu.ā
The sound you let out once he finally bites down is caught between a yelp and a moan, your fingers threading across his hair as he suckles on your skin. Heās such a talker in bed, tooāwhispering all sorts of endearments that are too soft for you to hear, but add fuel to your growing desire regardless.
āSo fucking pretty,ā he says once he detaches himself from your breasts and marvels at his own work. The fruit of his effort is yet to become visible, but heās left enough angry red marks on your skin to guarantee the lovebites theyāll turn into come morning. āAnd itās all for me.ā
Lacing your fingers around his nape, you mold your lips together in another kiss, tongues dancing to the rhythm of your erratic heartbeat as you grind yourself against his toned stomach.Ā
āMingyu,ā you whimper against his mouthāhot and heavy. āI need you inside me. Need to get stretched on your cock.ā
He groans again, fisting your hair so that he can kiss you even deeper. As he busies you with his mind-numbing kisses, Mingyu gets rid of his boxers in a flashāpositioning himself between your thighs. You nearly cry out when you feel the fat head of his cock sliding against your soaking slit. When he grazes your sensitive clit, you couldāve sworn tears started together in the corners of your eyes.
āFuck, babygirl, so fucking wet for me,ā he sighs as he lays you back down on the bed and eases your knees further apart.Ā
You bite your lip at the sight of his cock, still as long and girthy as you remember. Mingyu pumps his length all while sliding the head across your cunt, but you let out another desperate mewl to just fuck you already.Ā
āShhh,ā he says, leaning down to plant a chaste kiss on your forehead. āLet me take my time with you, sweetheart. I want you to commit all of this to memory. Gonna have you feeling me inside you for days.ā
And you donāt doubt that. Kim Mingyu has a knack for making it hard for people to forget about him, and if he plans to fuck the shape of his cock into your pussy, who are you to complain?
When you feel his cock catch across your entrance, you genuinely wonder if itās going to hurt. Mingyuās attempt at foreplay was cut halfway through because he got distracted by his sudden desire to leave a trail of love bites all over your breasts. But the thing about having sex with Mingyu is that your comfort is his top priority.Ā
He would never do anything that he knows can hurt you.
āIāll go slow, alright?ā he whispers, and all you can manage is a nod. āWords, baby. You have to talk to me so Iāll know if you really want it.ā
āGyu,ā you whine, arching your hips in a feeble attempt to get him to fuck into you. āIām alright. Anything you do is alright with me, justā Please. Please fuck me full.ā
He sighs, staring down like he doesnāt know what to do with you before finally, finally, you feel his dick breach your entranceāpushing inch by delicious inch inside you with restrained hunger. You fist the sheets at the familiar stretch, but itās not so uncomfortable that the sensation burns. Youāve taken Mingyuās cock dozens of times before, and it seems that your body still knows how to accommodate his ridiculous size.
āPretty pussyās happy to see me again,ā he chuckles, his grip on your thighs tightening ever-so slightly. āStill made to fit me so snuggly. Did you miss my cock, sweet thing? I can feel you pulsing around me.ā
āYes,ā you drawl. āMissed your cock so fucking much, Gyu. Fuckāā
You feel so hot, so full. Itās like Mingyuās the only thing youāve ever knownāsurrounding you in every direction until all that floats in your lust-addled mind are the letters of his name. Once he buries himself to the hilt, Mingyu doesnāt move right away, still so attentive to your reactions that even if you want nothing more than for him to rail you into the mattress, he wonāt press forward until heās sure youāre ready.
āIs it too much?ā he whispers, tucking your hair behind your ear. āDo you need more time to get used to me?ā
Something similar to a growl reverberates in your chest as you stare at Mingyu hard. āWhat I need isā¦for you to fuck me until I black out.ā
Mingyuās lips turn up into a grin as he shakes his head. āBaby, the last thing I want to be is some sex-deprived savage after weāve been apart for so long. I donāt want to hurt you.ā
Then, he leans forward on the bed again, bringing his lips right next to your ear.
āBut I can still make you feel good.ā
He prefaces the words with a powerful thrust that you donāt expect, splaying your thighs further until theyāre flat against the mattress. The slide of his cock still feels so unbelievably good that even if the sudden stretch shouldāve been uncomfortable, youāre too blindsided by the pleasure to notice.Ā
Your eyes trail across the beautiful man above you as he fucks you in his favorite position. Mingyu has always had a thing for missionaryāsomething about wanting to see your face as he wrecks you. You think youāre starting to share the same sentiment because not only do you get to see his fat cock slide in and out of your sopping cunt, but you can admire all of him at once, as well.
The exertion in those toned arms with every forward thrust. The conspicuous outline of his pecs. That toned fucking stomach. That gorgeous fucking face, so lost in the velvet heat of your pussyā
Why did you ever think letting someone like this go was a good idea?
āYouāre going to laugh at me for this but,ā Mingyu breathes, chuckling to himself. āI think Iām kinda close.āĀ
You do laugh, but itās quickly silenced when one of his fingers finds your clit, rubbing it in quick, precise circles like he hasnāt forgotten how to get you off after all this time.
āI am, too,ā you tell him. āCock so fucking good, you can make me come in minutes.ā
Mingyu lets out another guttural noise as he presses your knees to your chest, throwing your legs over his shoulder with a look in his eyes that promises nothing but pleasure. Though his fingers have departed your puffy clit, the angle he has you bent in has his cock easily grazing your g-spot with every thrustāreducing you into a pathetic, mewling mess underneath him.
āYour pussyās a fucking drug, babygirl,ā he sighs. āHavenāt wanted anyone else after you.ā
Even in your cock-drunk haze, those words bring forth some semblance of clarity within you. But itās immediately snuffed out when Mingyu amps up the cadence of his thrusts, fucking into you with the intention of bringing you to completion at the same time he achieves it. Your eyes are screwed shut, fingers finding purchase across the ripping muscles of his back as you babble an incoherent mantra of yes, yes, so close, so fucking close, love how you fuck me, love how you make me feel fullā
And then, itās overāa white hot flash like stars bursting behind your eyelids. You curl into Mingyuās embrace as your orgasm washes over you like a tidal wave, and heās all too glad to help you ride it out, pistoning inside your spasming walls with a rhythm thatās starting to stagger.Ā
āSo goddamn tight,ā he growls. āWhere do you want my cum, sweetheart?ā
Youāre still too blissed out to give him a proper response, but from the way your legs tighten themselves around his waist, Mingyu figures that thatās the green light he needs to make a mess out of you. Mingyu sighs, burying his face in the crook of your neck before biting downāhis cock twitching in the heat of your cunt as his release gushes into you in thick globs.
He comes so much that when Mingyu does pull out of your abused pussy, his essence trickles out of your hole as you do your best to catch your breath. The world is just starting to return to its normal axis in your vision, and the first thing that your eyes focus on is the sight of Mingyu smiling at you so fondly, it makes your heart hurt.
The look scares you. Like heās about to say something that you donāt know how to respond to.Ā
So instead of giving him any leeway for conversation, you tug him back down into a tongue-filled kiss, rubbing your ruined pussy across his still hard length as you mewl against his lips.
āMore,ā you whimper. āI need more, Gyu.ā
And heās all too happy to oblige.
Mingyu slides himself back inside you with an ease that wasnāt present earlierāyour mixed arousal acting as a good enough lubricant to accommodate him. His erratic breathing as he fucks his cum deeper inside you only serves to turn you on even more, making another orgasm creep ever-so slightly beneath your skin.Ā
āBabygirl canāt get enough of this cock, can you?ā he sighs. āSeems to me like your pussy never wants me to leave.ā
āYes!ā you hiss, moving your hips in time with his as you desperately claw at his back. āLove your cock so much, pleaseāā
āCome for me again, sweet thing, I know you can do it.ā
Itās unbelievable how a few choice words can get your body to submit to his whims without much thought. Unlike your first orgasm, the second one that Mingyu coaxes out of you singes through every functional nerve-ending in your bodyāsending you into a flurry of overstimulation that has you twitching under his touch.Ā
Just when you thought Mingyuās finally done with you, however, he suddenly flips you onto your stomachāpressing your chest against the mattress while your ass is high in the air. The sudden change in positions makes your head spin, but youāre too dazed to protest.
When you glance over your shoulder, heās showing you that same smile you fell in love with a lifetime ago.
āYou can give me a few more orgasms, right, baby?āĀ
When he slides his still hard cock along your swollen cunt, you groan into the sheetsāhaving momentarily forgotten that Mingyuās stamina can go until morning. If you donāt stop him now, he might actually fuck you until you black out, despite his earlier refutal.
But honestly? Youāre not against the idea. Not one bit.
ā¦
When you wake up the following day, itās to cold sheets and the startling clarity of Mingyuās absence.
You never minded living alone. Youāve been doing it since your first year of college here in Seoul. Youāre used to waking up with nothing but the silence of your room to keep you company.
Even when you eventually got together with Mingyu, lonely mornings have always been a staple, especially on days where he has early schedules. It fills you with a sinking feeling to see that he isnāt with you, but youāve learned to take it in stride.Ā
Besidesā¦itās not like youāre together anymore now.
This is what you wanted, right? For him to not treatā¦whatever this is as if itās a relationship thing. The two of you were just heavily pent up, and caved into your mutual desires last night. Thereās nothing more to it.
However, when you pad outside the bedroom after shrugging on a flimsy oversized shirt, the scent of pancakes and frying eggs fills your nose. When you see Namja sitting right next to a tall figure hunched over your stove, you can hardly believe your eyes.
He doesnāt notice you right awayātoo preoccupied with making the perfect breakfast to pick up on your presence. Namja, however, is more perceptive, glancing behind and perking up at the sight of you. He lets out an excited bark before skidding over to where youāre standing, and you crouch down to the floor so you can give him a tight hug.
āOh, youāre awake!ā
Mingyu faces you with a smile thatās nearly blinding in the morning light, a spatula in one hand and a kitchen mitt in the other. Itās the exact same scene that youāre greeted with during lazy weekends where he doesnāt have any work to do, and your chest twists yet again at the memory.
āYeah, I am.ā You smile, rubbing Namjaās belly when he sprawls himself on the floor. āWhat are you still doing here? Donāt you have to go back to New York tonight?ā
āYes, but itās still morning,ā he points out, and you roll your eyes.
A few minutes later, Mingyu starts to set the table while you wash your hands. He tells you about how Seungkwan doesnāt want to room with him anymore over breakfast because Mingyu takes so long to close the lights when heās binging a new drama. You tell him to be more considerate of his roommates or they might just dropkick him off the hotel room balcony in his sleep.
When you help him put away the dishes, the sight is soā¦domestic, it gives you whiplash. Bumping shoulders, splashing water, stifling mutual laughter... Being with him like this, tucked in your own little pocket of happiness makes your heart soar in ways that not even mind-blowing sex can help you attain.
You pray that Mingyu doesnāt breathe a word about it, but of course things donāt always go your way.
Just when youāre about to turn around to give Namja her morning fix of dog food, you find yourself trapped between the sink and Mingyuās armsāunable to escape the fondness in his eyes even if you tried.
āI think,ā he whispers, āwe can still make this work. You and me.ā
You bite the inside of your cheek. āGyuā¦ā
You think so, too. With someone as understanding and compassionate as Mingyu, you know nothingās impossible if you just quit being so stubborn. You were so afraid of him attempting to bring your relationship back to life last night, butā¦
Seeing him bathing under the sunlight in your kitchen after months of getting used to being alone againā¦Ā
Maybe it isnāt so bad to let him back inside your heart.
āO-Of course, you donāt have to answer right away,ā he says, turning red in the face. Cute. āYou can tell me when I get back from New York. Howās that sound?ā
Youāre about to open your mouth to respond, but the moment is quickly shattered by the sound of Mingyuās phone going off. He sighs, releasing you from the figurative cage of his arms as he leans against the sink right next to youāfishing his phone from his pocket before answering it in loudspeaker.
āKim Mingyu, where the hell are you?!ā
āGood morning to you, too, Seungkwan-ah,ā he chuckles. āWhy? Whatās wrong? I told Jeonghan-hyung I wonāt be coming back to the dorms until noon.ā
āWell, Jeonghan-hyung mustāve forgotten to tell everyone else because the entire dorm panicked when we realized you didnāt make it home!ā the younger man squawks. āWe thought something bad happened! You werenāt answering your phone last night either!āĀ
You and Mingyu exchanged knowing looks, and you have to stifle your laughter if you didnāt want to be on the receiving end of Seungkwanās rage, too.
āSorry about that, I was a littleā¦busy,ā Mingyu supplies.Ā
āWell, whatever youāve been ābusyā with, you better get your ass back here! Manager-hyung is looking for the car you borrowed, and if you donāt bring it back soon, heās going to give all of us an earful.ā
āFine, fine. Iāll be back in thirty. Bye, Seungkwan.ā
āHeyā!āĀ
Mingyu ends the call with little remorse before letting out a long sigh. When his eyes dart back to yours, they flicker momentarily to your lips before he leans forward. You meet him halfway this time, pressing your mouths together in a firm kiss.
āIāll be back,ā he murmurs. āI hope youāll still be willing to accommodate me when I do.ā
Though it pains you, he peels himself away from your touch, leaning down to kiss Namjaās head as he gathers his coat in his arms. It just occurred to you that heās been eating breakfast with you donned with the outfit he wore last night while youāre dressed in nothing but a loose, oversized shirt. The knowledge makes you blush a little.
When you hear Mingyuās car drive away, you sigh, running your hands through your messy hair. Namja pads over to you, tail wagging as he anticipates another round of petting. Of course you indulge him.
āKim Mingyu is such an idiot, isnāt he?ā you tell your goldie, and you like to think the small huff he lets out means heās agreeing with you. āWhy wait until he comes back when I already have an answer for him?ā
This time, Namja actually barks out loud, making you shake your head with a laugh.
You donāt mind waiting for Mingyu, really. He obviously doesnāt mind waiting for you. At this point, youāre at peace with the fact that you might still love him. Maybe, you never stopped loving him at all. Once he lands back in Korea and comes home to you, you promise yourself that youāll definitely show him.
Again and again.
⢠end notes: pHEW i'm so glad to have the mingyu brain rot out of my system (OR IS IT?!) i've been wanting to write this trope for sooooo long and i'm really glad i finally got to bring it to life! there's just something so endearing about mingyu that i thought he'd be perfect for this hehe :3c
if you've made it this far, thank you so much for reading through my love letter to our resident 97 line babygirl. this honestly would've just been 5k words long if the reader just wasn't so in denial LOL ++ lmk what you think in the tags + reblogs MWAH
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twenty two days before we go our separate ways (twenty two days of not falling for you) | yoon jeonghan
content: fluff; angst (because ofc); fake dating; friends to lovers; some joshua x reader; adults who are in their 30s and have jobs;
word count: 20.3k
summary: thereās a special bond between you and jeonghan, and no one was surprised when you announced you were together. to you, itās a surpriseĀ no one realised it wasnāt real.
warnings: language; allusions to sex and suggestive language; (brief) descriptions of vomiting; jealousy and possessiveness;
after a five month hiatus i have returned with a HOLY WHY IS THIS SO LONG fic hope you enjoy :)
also iāve decided i want to label my fics the same way fob write song titles
D-1
āYou have got to be kidding me.ā
His eyes widened, then slowly closed in embarrassment. āLook, youāre the only person I could askā¦ā
āThere is no way Iām going to fake date you, Jeonghan!ā
In all the years that you had spent knowing Jeonghan, you had never gotten fully used to the shenanigans and plots, half of which you were a pawn in, half were levied against you. Right now, it was easy to say you preferred the latter. Especially given that unlike your mutual friend Soonyoung, he never went too far. Jeonghan had a perfect skill for being outlandish but never unacceptable. Although, this time felt too far. This time felt ridiculous.
āItās only for three weeks!ā
āTwenty two days! Three weeks! Thats three separate, wait no FOUR separate Saturdays Iāll have to spend cozied up to you, pretending to- ugh.ā
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request from anon: prompt #10 with wonwoo? some very fluffy stuff, but the reader and wonu aren't a thing yet. there's something between them, and everyone can see it but they just haven't taken that step. basically like friends to lovers. and so the reader calls him late at night, and he's up gaming or something and then i'll let you figure out the rest!
prompt: "i can't sleep."
synopsis: it's late at night and you can't sleep, so you decide to visit your close friend wonwoo. the two of you end up playing games all night, and the winner gets to ask for a wish.
the rain made a pitter-patter sound against your windows. usually you enjoyed the sound, but now it was one of the factors keeping you from your much needed sleep. despite being incredibly tired you couldn't seem to rest. you had been laying in your bed, doing nothing, for at least an hour. the lights were off, the blinds were closed, and you were nicely tucked under the covers. there was only one thing keeping you awake; wonwoo. just this afternoon the two of you had been walking together, side by side, close enough for your hands to touch a few times. you felt like a teenager again, the smallest things about him would make your heart ache. you wanted to call him. he should still be up by now, he was always staying up late. you looked over at your phone which was laying on your bedside table. if he weren't awake then he simply wouldn't answer. what's the hurt in calling? you picked up your phone and clicked on wonwoo's contact. it rang once, then twice, and then-
"hello? y/n?", his voice was raspy, but not as if he had just woken up which meant you hadn't woken him.
"i can't sleep.", you sighed.
there was a pause on the other side, you could hear him taking off his glasses and putting them down on a table. he must've been by his computer.
"i'm playing some games right now, you could come over and play with me if you want to.", he said casually
"that sounds nice.", you nodded, "i'll be there in half an hour."
"i'll leave the door unlocked for you. just make sure to lock it after you get inside okay?", he said.
.āļ½”āāĖļ½”āļ½”Ėā½Ėļ½”ā.
your apartment was right next to the bus stop, so you could easily avoid the rain. however, on your way there you faced some problems. there had been a car accident on the road, making the bus take a different route. you would still be able to get off at the bus stop that was a block away from wonwoo's apartment, but it would take longer to get there. the seats were weirdly comfortable, and you were starting to feel sleepy. of course, when you actually get out of bed is when you'd be able to fall asleep. to keep yourself awake you took out your phone to text wonwoo.
the bus had to take a different route due to an accident on the road :/
the three dots, indicating that wonwoo was typing, appeared quickly after your message was sent. he was always quick to answer your text, and tonight you were especially thankful for it.
damn.. are you okay?
his concern struck you as odd. it wasn't as if you had said that you were in the accident. nevertheless, you decided to not question it.
yeah, just annoyed. i'll be at your place 10 minutes later than expected, okay?
he responded with an "ok" and a thumbs up emoji. you smiled. with him, messages were alway short and to the point. in the beginning of your friendship, maybe six or seven years ago, you would constantly complain about the lack of emojis in his texts. since then he started using them consistently, even going overboard sometimes to annoy you. with a sigh, you put your phone down and looked out the window. the rain was still pouring, and you were still thinking of best friend in ways that one wouldn't normally do. you thought about when the two of you would sit right next to each other on the couch while having a movie night. at the end of the movie the two of you always ended up laying snuggled up together somehow. you thought about how he would sometimes grab your hand when crossing the road, because you hadn't noticed the lights turning green. you thought about him being your main source of comfort, and how you're not sure you could live without him. that's why you hadn't told him about your feelings, what if he wouldn't reciprocate them. instead you kept your emotions deep inside you, under lock and key. now you were beginning to be afraid, what if they came pouring out one day much like the rain was still pouring down outside. the bus called out your bus stop, bringing you out of your daydreams.
.āļ½”āāĖļ½”āļ½”Ėā½Ėļ½”ā.
the walk to wonwoo's apartment from the bus stop was quick, but you still managed to get soaked. when you got to his door you swung it open, he had left it unlocked like he said he would - and you locked it after you like you promised. after taking off your shoes you walked to wonwoo's gaming room, where the only light in the apartment was coming from.
"hey, i'm here.", you said, "where do you keep your towels now again?"
"why do you need a towel?", he turned around to look at you and noticed you were completely soaked, "oh.. is it raining?"
you laughed at his aloofness, while he walked up to the window to peek through the blinds.
"shit, sorry.", he sighed and took off his glasses to pinch his nose bridge, "i was wearing headphones so i couldn't hear the rain... i would've come and gotten you if i knew it was raining. do you want to take a shower or something?"
"that'd be nice actually.", you nodded, "do i still have some of my clothes left here?"
"i can look.. you can just borrow mine while i throw those clothes in the wash otherwise.", he went to pause his game before walking out of the room, "ugh, why is it so dark?"
you let out another laugh and followed him to the bathroom.
.āļ½”āāĖļ½”āļ½”Ėā½Ėļ½”ā.
after a warm shower you put on the clothes wonwoo had left for you. finally, you knew where your favorite pair of sweatpants had gone - you didn't even remember leaving them here. there was one of your old laundry day shirts, along with one of wonwoo's zip-up hoodies. you quickly put it on and walked out of the room
"i made tea.", wonwoo said as he heard the door creak open.
he was in the kitchen, with two cups in front of him.
"thanks.", you said, "... i'm really happy you're still up."
he nodded in acknowledgement, but didn't say much else. he didn't have to, because there wasn't much else to say. you took your tea cup and went to sit down on the couch by his TV.
"what game were you playing before?", you asked.
"well, that was a single player game so it doesn't matter.", he sat down next to you, "let's find something else."
he picked up a controller and turned the console and TV on. the two of you looked through his assortment of games, and suddenly you gasped.
"let's play mario kart!", you said excitedly, "i've gotten so good, please!"
"alright.", he grinned, "i'm still gonna beat you, though, so don't get your hopes up."
.āļ½”āāĖļ½”āļ½”Ėā½Ėļ½”ā.
"aha! i'm winning!", you shouted.
the cups of tea were only half empty, and long forgotten on the coffee table. wonwoo let out a groan as he watch you cross the finish line in first place. his promises of beating you had been broken a few times tonight. both of you had played around five times already, with you winning three rounds. it was very late, and you were actually starting to get sleepy again.
"it's because of the blue shell! if you hadn't gotten that blue shell i would've won! i was in first!", wonwoo exclaimed as he passed the finish line in fourth place.
"but i did get it!", you faked an evil laugh, "i told you i had gotten better at this!"
"let's play another round!", he said, "one more and then we should sleep."
"hm.. alright. don't get your hopes up, though", you mocked what he had told you before.
he let out a sarcastic laugh, and was about to press play for a new round when you stopped him.
"wait, let's make this fun.", you grinned, "winner gets to wish something from the loser!"
"fine with me!", he started the game.
much to your dismay, you ended up losing. let's just say that wonwoo's lucky he has very thick walls, otherwise his neighbors would've hated him by now. you sat down on the couch with your arms crossed over your chest. after a screaming-fest the two of you realized how tired you were, and everything went quiet. you looked over at wonwoo, who was grinning.
"so, what's your wish then?", you asked, annoyed.
his big grin turned into a soft smile, filled with a warmth that you couldn't quite place. he put away his controller.
"kiss me...", he said, "... if you don't mind, i'll wish for you to kiss me."
your eyes widened in shock, which he noticed quickly. his smile never faded, but there was a glimmer of something sad in his eyes.
"it's alright, i know that was a weird request.", he didn't break eye contact, "forget i said anything if it makes you uncomfortable."
instead of listening to anything else he had to say, you leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss to his lips, which were so soft you could've mistaken them for clouds. as you pulled away you saw his smile grow wider. you moved a bit closer to him and put your hand on his knee, so that you could lean forward once again. this time he welcomed you by cupping your face in his palm and bringing you closer. you kissed again, and you hand moved from his knee to his shoulder. everything else was drowned out, there was only you two. without breaking the kiss, you used his shoulder to lift yourself up and swing one of your legs over his lap so that you were straddling him. wonwoo's hands went to your hips as his tongue swiped across your bottom lip. the kiss started getting heated, and was quickly turning into a full on make out session. the tension that had built up between the two of you for the past six years was finally released. however, it was all interrupted by the mario kart theme song replaying on the TV behind you. you broke the kiss by smiling, and eventually pulling away to laugh at the soundtrack that had been playing whilst the two of you were eating off each other's faces. when you turned your attention back to wonwoo he was staring at you with a soft, amused, smile, and adoration in his eyes.
"should i turn the game off?", you asked, and he nodded.
.āļ½”āāĖļ½”āļ½”Ėā½Ėļ½”ā.
the next morning you woke up in a softly lit room. the blinds had softened the bright glow of the sun, leaving the room coated in a golden hue. laying next to you was, a still fast asleep, wonwoo. the covers were pulled up to his mid-torso, leaving his upper torso exposed. much like everything else in the room, his bare skin was tinted golden. your hand reached out to his collarbone, gently running your fingers over his skin. when your hands reached his shoulders you slowly pulled yourself a bit closer to him, and put your head against his chest. he was warm, and you could hear his heartbeat beating slowly.
"good morning.", he said in a low morning voice.
"did i wake you up?", you asked tenderly.
he rubbed soothing circles on your bare back and hummed in response to your question. you apologized, to which he responded with kissing the top of your head.
"... do you regret it?", he asked, with a worried tone in his voice.
"not at all.", you looked up at him, "but let's talk about it later, okay? i don't want to ruin half a decade worth of friendship."
you giggled, and he let out a scoff. his hair was messy, and so you reached up to fix it. as your fingers ran through his hair, he closed his eyes in bliss.
"have i ever told you that i've dreamt of this..?", he let out a content sigh.
"no, you haven't.", you breathed out a laugh, "did your dream continue after this?"
"yeah.", he nodded with his eyes still closed, "we made breakfast together... and you kissed me while i was making coffee."
"hm..", your hands went back to his shoulders, "it sounds nice. do you want to try it?"
"sure.", he looked at you, leaned down and placed a short and sweet kiss to your lips, "could you get me my glasses?"
request: Really craving to read angsty. No ideas in mind but I want to see betrayal and kill my insides (and cry inside) Can you surprise me? My favorite member is Wonwoo :)
synopsis: you, a princess from a doomed kingdom, have been arranged to be married to an heir of a much more prosperous kingdom. however, when you first visit them, you realize that you would much rather be with the heir's younger brother.
a/n: the ending was @strawberryya's idea, so you have to blame her for that pain... the rest is my fault
cw: nudity, implied smut, cheating, puking, eating, mentions of not eating, slut shaming (if you find any more, please let me know!!)
The castle halls were empty, and the furniture was covered with white sheets. Your heeled shoes echoed through the tall roof as you walked across the marble floors. A kingdom once beautiful, once prosperous, now turned into dust in front of your very eyes. While growing up, your father always spoke of how his kingdom will one time be yours. But you no longer wanted this.
"Your Majesty, your carriage is here.", your chambermaid came up beside you.
"Do I have to go?", you said, only half sarcastically.
"I'm afraid so, my Lady.", she nodded, "But I will be with you every step of the way."
Most of the servants in the castle had left because you simply did not have the means to keep them around. You had insisted on keeping Eunji around. She was the closest thing you had to a best friend, after all.
"I wish my father could be here...", you sighed as you followed after Eunji.
"We all wish he could be here.", she nodded, "I think he would be very proud of your decision."
The Prince of the neighboring kingdom had offered his hand in marriage, despite your empire being in ruins after your father's sudden death. Everyone was joyous over the occasion, except you. There had never been enough time for you to think of marriage or love in any capacity, but you knew that you didn't just want to do it for an advantage. However, Eunji was right - your father would have been proud. He had repeatedly told you that he trusted you to be a good ruler and to do what is right for the people. This was right for the people, so at least you had one reason you could justify the situation with.
The ride there was long and treacherous, nothing like you had ever experienced before. You frequently used to ride horseback with your father, much to your mother's dismay. To see you sitting pretty in one of your finest gowns in a carriage brought her the utmost delight.
"You really do look lovely, darling.", she said.
She was a kind soul, your mother, but she never understood you much. It wasn't her fault, of course, and after your father's passing, she had tried to accommodate more to your needs, as had you to her.
"You've said that already, mother.", you said whilst giving her a small smile.
"Oh, I know...", she sighed, "I'm just restless..."
Of course, she was restless. If she weren't restless it would provoke you even further. However, you knew she wasn't solely restless. She was excited. She was excited because you had picked your clothes yourself without her having to ask you to wear something nice. That only happened on extraordinarily special occasions, although you must admit it felt nice to look pretty.
"... thank you.", you looked out the window to avoid her sympathetic smile.
The moment you told her of your plans to marry, she cried tears of joy. Partly because she was so happy for you. Furthermore, because she knew the kingdom would be saved. Outside the window, autumn had begun to take its toll on the poor trees. No longer green, they had taken on an orange color. Although it was beautiful, you knew that in a few weeks the orange would turn brown and that the trees' destinies were to turn into lifeless husks of the beautiful bloom that spring had brought them. Nobody questions the cruel cycle of the seasons because we have grown attached to them, it is the natural way of things. However, the seasons are purely a transaction. If it is true, as the ancients say, that every spring Persephone leaves Hades' side in the Underworld, then it is a trade between the King of the Underworld and the human race. We get to live with Persephone's beauty for half a year, and then we experience the same cold that Hades feels once his Queen leaves his side. The tale is tragic and has been adapted into many forms of storytelling. But, nobody ever asks how Persephone feels. Her body is used by both the people and the man she loves as pristine goods. She is torn: should she stay with the man she loves or should she help her people? This compromise between Hades and the people may seem like an acceptable prospect, however, every winter people are still hurting, and every spring Hades cries tears of sorrow and loneliness. The agreement brings equal pleasure for both parties, but it also brings equal pain. And let's not forget the Queen, who hurts no matter what she does.
"We're almost here, darling.", your mother interrupts your thoughts, and you are forced to drag your attention away from the trees.
"Indeed we are.", you hummed as you saw the castle, your new home, in the distance.
.āļ½”āāĖļ½”āļ½”Ėā½Ėļ½”ā.
The castle had a homely look with many rounded corners. It gave you the impression that it wanted to look less intimidating. Your new family was inside, waiting for you in the King's throne room.
"Are you ready, my darling?", your mother came up beside you.
"Certainly.", you nodded, keeping your gaze fixated on the mesmerizing marble structure.
The large wooden doors opened for you as you walked up the steps, and, even inside, it seemed lovely. If you could, you would've taken a moment to appreciate the amount of art on the walls, not to mention the mural on the roof. There was no time. You could only walk past it. You came to a second large wooden door. You heard your name being presented on the other side. When the doors opened, you were almost blinded. Not only did the room have big ceiling windows decorated with golden arches, but the room was also almost entirely filled with mirrors on the walls. Instinctively, you straightened your back as soon as you saw your reflection. In front of you sat King Jeon, lonely on his golden throne. You thought of Hades again and that maybe this is just what he looked like. The man was huge, much bigger than you had ever imagined, and had a large grey beard. His crown sat perfectly on his head. From it, his grey hair was cascading down his shoulders. Once you were just a few feet away from him, you courtesied and bowed in respect. The King stood up from his throne and walked toward you. Never had you imagined that he would reach his hand out for you to try to shake it. Yet, he did, and you took his hand in yours. His hand was calloused and felt as if it was as large as your entire forearm.
"My condolences for your father“s passing, Princess.", he said.
His voice was deep and burly, and it reminded you of thunder. As you peered up at him, you couldn't believe his size. You had never seen a person this tall before.
"Thank you, your Majesty.", you said, trying to keep your voice strong.
"I am glad that such a strong woman could take over his place.", he said, "Your father spoke very highly of you whenever we met."
"He spoke highly of you as well, your Majesty.", you smiled at him.
"That's very kind of you to say.", his smile was surprisingly kind, "Now, I'm sure that you're hungry, and then I'll have the servants show you to your rooms. We can talk of business tomorrow."
The King gave you another warm smile and nodded to your mother as a greeting. You had never gotten to experience what it was like to live as a ruler. Instead, you had always found yourself in the position your mother was in now - ignored until the last seconds of the meeting. Still, your mother's smile shined brightly at you when you turned to follow the King out of his throne room. As you left you caught a glimpse of yourself in one of the mirrors that surrounded you. Deep dark circles framed your eyes, you could hardly recognize yourself. Now you understood why the King wanted to take the business in the morning.
You and your mother ate by yourselves. The rest of the Jeon family was already fast asleep, the King told you. As soon as you finished eating you were led to your room. When you tried asking for Eunji, they told you that she had taken her place in the servants' quarters already. They asked if they should wake her for you, but you declined and let another servant undress you for the night.
Your room was round, much like the architecture outside. The bed was in the middle of the room, and there was a small vanity table prepared for you, as well as a wardrobe and a partition wall for you to get dressed behind. The room's wallpaper gave the illusion of looking like velvet, and the dark red color accommodates nicely with the golden details. Most importantly, at one end of the room, there was a door leading to a balcony that overlooked the garden. The servant took off your outer layers for you and was about to leave you to take care of the rest yourself, leaving your nightgown on the bed.
"Excuse me...", you said before they could leave, "How can there be flowers in bloom in the garden? It's late autumn already."
"These flowers last until the frost starts to come in. The Queen likes to keep as much color in her garden for as long as she can.", the servant explained.
"Oh... thank you.", you said, "You may leave now."
The servant bowed and left you alone. You approached the glass doors, more of the flowers appearing in front of you. They had a vibrant purple and magenta color. It was late, but you just had to take a closer look. You opened the doors to the balcony and stepped out. It was cold, and the wind flew right through the thin material of your dress. Without the extra layers, the cold was much more prominent. But you didn't mind, instead, you leaned a bit further over the edge of the balcony to look closer at the flowers.
"Maybe Persephone left a piece of herself in this garden...", you sighed.
"You should go back inside.", you heard a voice from below you.
You quickly backed away from the balcony with a small shriek. It had merely surprised you to hear a voice in the dark, you weren't necessarily scared. In fact, you were intrigued - so you approached the edge again. In the garden stood a tall man with dark black hair. He was wearing all black: black pants, a black nightshirt, and black shoes. Of course, you hadn't seen him.
"Who are you?", you asked, "Why are you outside my window?"
"I didn't mean to be outside your window.", he said, ignoring your first question, "I like to visit the garden when the moon is out."
You looked up, seeing a slither of a moon there. A new moon. Looking back at the man, you smiled.
"So you visit the garden every night?", you asked.
"Only when there is a moon.", he answered.
"Then I will see you again soon.", you said.
"You might.", he spoke wearily, "Is that something you would like?"
"You seem mysterious. I like mysteries."
He let out a laugh, and you thought that you could hear the bells ringing. Like a silver spoon softly striking a crystal glass, that's what his laugh made you feel. Elegant and light. You wanted oh so desperately to hear it again.
"I heard you speak of Persephone before. Are you interested in Greek mythology?", he asked.
"Only a little.", you said truthfully, "I had a few books about it as a child. The story of Persephone stuck out to me."
"It's a bit romantic, I suppose."
"It's tragic.", you corrected him.
"How is it tragic?", he asked with an amused smile, "Because of the kidnapping?"
"Well, even if we look past the kidnapping it is still tragic.", you said, "She doesn't get to choose. Ever. The most she got to choose was when she ate the pomegranate. Other than that, it is decided for her that she has to travel between worlds. It is tragic because every autumn and spring she has to leave something important to her."
"Isn't it the best option, though?"
"No.", you shake your head, "I would've wanted to choose one of the two. Either having to give up my dearest, or to give up my people. Otherwise, I would have to go through the same pain every time I have to leave. While also, may I add, knowing that they are in pain as well."
"You would damn the world to an eternal winter to be with someone you love? Or break someone's heart to give the people eternal spring?", his eyebrows furrowed, "Isn't it selfish?"
"What isn't selfish?", you laughed, "Every action we take is selfish, whether we realize it or not."
"How depressing of a thought.", he said, "You don't think people can do selfless good?"
"I think people can try.", you said, "Trying is wonderful, in fact, but I don't think anyone can ever succeed."
"You have a peculiar mind.", the man muttered.
"So I have been told.", you said, "... do you know the name of these flowers?"
"It's Phlox.", he leaned down and picked a flower from the bushes, "It's a Greek word, actually. It means flame."
You watched as he looked around, and then took a sprung up your balcony. It wasn't high up from the ground, so he easily climbed up just enough to hand you the flower he had picked. Now that you could see him better, you took time to appreciate his sculpted features and piercing eyes.
"Thank you.", you mumbled.
"My Lady.", he bowed his head slightly before jumping down, "I wish you a good night's sleep."
"Goodnight.", you said and watched as he walked away, back into the castle.
When you woke up the morning after it was because someone was pulling your blinds aside.
"Good morning, Princess.", Eunji greeted.
"Good morning...", you sigh, "Did you sleep well?"
"I slept very well, my Lady.", she smiled brightly at you, "They are all so nice here. We had a wonderful time at breakfast. Oh, and speaking of breakfast. The King has called you to come eat breakfast with them. The entire family will be there this time."
"Right...", you groaned and sat up, "Did I bring any good gowns for this occasion?"
"You certainly did, my Lady.", Eunji happily walked over to your dresser and pulled out a light blue dress with poofy sleeves, "This is quite romantic, is it not? Perfect for your first time meeting the Prince."
The Prince. Prince Jeon Sungho. Your future husband. A sigh escaped your lips at the thought... and your mind couldn't help but drift to the man from the other night. What if it was Sungho? He never said his name, and with his beauty, he could definitely be a prince.
"I'll use that one then.", you said and got out of bed.
Seeing the castle in the daylight further gave you the impression that it was built to look welcoming. The windows were big, and the walls were light in color. It was such a drastic difference from the man you had seen last night. If it truly was the Prince, then he was a walking contradiction.
Eunji only left your side once you made it to the door of the dining room. When the doors open your nose was flooded with an amazing smell. Fresh bread, vanilla, all kinds of fruity smells, anything that would make your mouth water. You were starving.
"Ah, Princess Y/N, you made it.", the King said from his place at the end of the table.
"I'm sorry for my late arrival.", you said and made your way to an empty seat.
Before you could sit down, a man in front of you stood up. For a moment you thought it was the man from last night, but his eyes were different and he had a wider jaw.
"I am Prince Sungho, my Princess.", he said softly, "I am pleased to make your acquaintance."
"It is very good to meet you, Prince Sungho.", you said and tried your best not to seem disappointed.
The two of you bowed your heads as you sat down. His eyes were constantly on you, you could feel them practically burning into your skin. You didn't return his gaze. It wasn't because he wasn't handsome enough, he was in fact very handsome, but he wasn't the man from last night. It made you question who he truly was.
"Sungho has suggested that we go out for a ride after breakfast.", the Queen piped up, "Hopefully, my other son will be able to join us then."
"You have another son?", your mother, who was seated next to you, asked.
"Oh yes, we do.", the King said with a smile, "He's a bit more bashful than his brother, so he didn't join us for breakfast. Although, if you ask him - he will say that he was feeling sick."
"Do you think that a ride would be agreeable, Lady Y/N?", Sungho asked you.
His eyes were still burning into you, and it was almost difficult to return his gaze.
"Oh, yes. I think that sounds lovely.", you nodded with a timid smile.
The second son of the Jeon family was nowhere to be seen when you got to the stables. You had changed into more appropriate clothing for riding, which Sungho took note of.
"So it's not just the clothes that make my Lady so beautiful.", he said with a charming smile.
"I guess not.", you looked down at your clothes and then back up at him, "Thank you."
The Prince was handsome, kind, and loved to hear your opinion on many different topics. You found yourself drawn to him because of this. During the ride he showed great gentlemanship, helping you on and off your horse, and he matched his riding pace to fit yours. He was all a woman could ever dream of... yet you found yourself thinking of the mystery man from last night. The way his piercing gaze seemed to look into your soul, or the way his fingertips touched your hand when he gave you that flower that was still on your bedside table. You had thoroughly enjoyed the banter the two of you made, and not in the same way you could appreciate the way the Prince spoke.
Once the evening came you were excited to see him again. However, during the day dark clouds had started coming in over the horizon. It was raining heavily and the moon was nowhere in sight. You remembered his words: "I like to visit the garden when the moon is out". A sigh escaped your lips as you sat down on your bed.
"Is everything alright, my Lady?", Eunji asked.
"Oh, I'm just fine...", you turned to her, "Could you... perhaps keep a secret for me, Eunji?"
"Of course, my Lady."
She sat down on the bed beside you, as she had many nights before this. Eunji was as close as you had to a friend, and you always told her everything. You trusted her, and you had to tell someone of the man.
"Yesterday evening I was out on the balcony...", you paused and looked at her, "I saw this man there... dark hair, tall... handsome."
The rain started pouring outside as you told Eunji of the man. A constant smile was on Eunji's lips, clearly happy about you speaking of a potential love interest. It wasn't something you had done in the past, as you never bothered with it before. You thought you had your whole life ahead of you to deal with romance.
"I thought it might be the Prince.", you said which only made Eunji's smile grow wider, "... but it wasn't. While they were similar, he just... it wasn't the same."
"Oh...", her smile quickly faded, "I shouldn't advise you to have affections toward anyone but the Prince... but you seem very intrigued by this mysterious gentleman."
"I am, but it won't get in the way of my marriage. I promise.", you let out a breath that you hadn't realized you had been holding in, "I have gone too far to screw this up for a man I met once."
Your eyes wandered to the window, where the rain was still falling heavily. Eunji put her hand on top of yours, showing her support silently.
"I just needed to tell someone of what had happened.", you look back at her with a warm smile, "I cannot tell you how happy I am that you would listen."
"Of course, my Lady.", she said.
"I probably just got excited to talk to someone.", you reassured yourself, "There's not much else to it."
Eunji left your side to blow out all the candles in your room. You thanked her and bid her goodnight before she left. Laying in your bed, listening to the rainfall, and praying that you would never see the man again.
The doors to the dining room opened and you stepped inside. Unlike the day before, you were fairly early. Only the King, the Queen, and your mother were in the room.
"Good morning.", you said as you walked inside, "If I may, I would like to start presenting ideas of what we could do for the kingdom's-"
Your mouth fell into a small "o" shape as you looked between the two. Without hesitation, Wonwoo's face fell into a polite smile as he reached to shake your hand.
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, my Lady.", he said and kissed the back of your hand, "I'm sorry I wasn't here to greet you before, I wasn't feeling well. Although, I am in much better condition now."
You could hear the King chuckle behind you, supposedly at the fact that Wonwoo claimed that he was ill. His hand was warm in yours, and you wish he hadn't let go just yet.
"The pleasure's all mine, your Majesty.", you said and hoped that you didn't look all too flustered, "You missed a very nice ride yesterday."
"So I have heard.", he said, "My brother told me all about it."
As if on cue, the door opened again and Prince Sungho stepped in. Everyone greeted him a good morning, and you sadly had to watch Wonwoo walk away. He sat on the other side of the table, diagonally from you.
"So you wanted to speak of plans, Y/N.", the King said suddenly, "Please, do enlighten me."
During breakfast you told the King of the plans you had to make your kingdom blossom once again, which would in turn help their kingdom after your marriage was set in stone. Wonwoo's eyes were on you at all times, and whenever you would glance over at him you would stumble over your words. You didn't mean to, there was just something about him that made you incredibly nervous.
As soon as breakfast ended, Wonwoo was out the door. You didn't even have time to say goodbye. Sungho was quick to step in front of you, hindering you from following the younger prince.
"I heard nobody's given you a tour of the castle yet.", he held out his arm to you, "May I have the honor of doing so myself?"
You looked back at your mother, who was giving you a supportive smile, then back at Sungho. His eyes were much warmer than his brother's. At the thought of Wonwoo, you glanced over to the door he left through. Maybe you would see him again if you took this tour.
"You may.", you nodded and met his eyes once again.
"You've seen the throne room.", he said as you walked through the mirror-filled room.
"Why the mirrors, if I may ask?", you say.
"It makes the room look bigger.", he looked around, "I suppose one could also always know who's behind one's back with these mirrors."
A hum echoed from your mouth as you looked around. Sungho had been showing you around the castle. A quick visit to the servant's quarters, a look into the kitchen, the garden, the King's study, the drawing room, and many many staircases. Now you were back where you had started your story in this castle.
"Would you like to see the ballroom?", he asked and placed his hand over yours, which was still hanging on his arm.
"I would love to.", you gave him a polite smile.
The two of you walked across the King's throne room and through a grand door. In there was a big round room, the biggest room in the castle you were sure. The roof was tall and painted with beautiful images of angels and knights and other such things that one would paint on a ceiling. Surrounding the area were big pillars, on which leaned a smaller balcony of sorts. There was a small staircase to go up there.
"It's gorgeous.", you said.
"Does my Lady like dancing?"
"I do.", you nodded, "Although I won't say I'm very good at it."
"Nonsense.", Sungho chuckled, "I'm sure you're as good as you are beautiful."
You only smiled at him, for you had nothing to say back.
"This is the room furthest from the garden and your room in the West wing.", he commented, "So if there is a ball you can be sure that you will get the least amount of disturbance."
"What else is in the West wing?", you asked.
"Well, there's the library.", he pondered for a bit, "There's not much else going on in the West wing. We call it the quiet wing for a reason. That's why it's the best bedroom in the castle."
"You have a library in the West wing?", you almost gaped at him.
"Yes of course.", he nodded, "Would you like me to show you?"
"I would like that very much, your Majesty."
As you walked through the corridors together you tried mapping all the rooms out in your head. On one end there was your room, and this supposed library you had only just heard about, and on the other end was the ballroom. Outside the ballroom seemed to be another garden or a labyrinth of sorts, which you were told could lead you to the West wing's garden. How you couldn't understand quite yet. The servants' hall lay under the dining room area, which was accessed with a well-hidden door. The King's throne room was quite central to the castle, and in the North wing lay most of the bedrooms.
When you reached the library, Sungho opened the door for you. You basically flew into the room. Books were filling all of the bookshelves, which were as tall as the entire walls.
"I take it that you like this room.", he said with a chuckle.
"Oh, more than any other room.", you said silently and walked up to one of the bookshelves to look at the books.
Rustling was heard from beside you, and you snapped your head in the direction of the noise. Wonwoo walked out from behind one of the bookshelves. He bowed his head at you.
"It's my favorite room too.", he said quietly with a peculiar smile, "Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you, I was just looking for a book."
He held up a purple book. You could only stare at him with wide eyes, at a loss for all words. Surely he must find you absolutely idiotic.
"It's alright, brother.", Sungho answered for you, "We are just looking around the castle."
"Ah... then you've been in the ballroom, I suppose.", he looked back at you, "It's really beautiful."
"It certainly is.", you managed to get out.
Wonwoo was smiling at you, but his eyes were still so piercing. You couldn't read him whatsoever.
Later that evening, you got ready for bed. When Eunji had left, you practically leaped out on the balcony in nothing but your silky, pale pink, nightgown. The moon was out, and you could hear someone whistling.
"The Lady returns.", he said as you walked out, "I thought I had frightened you the other night."
"The moon wasn't out yesterday.", you replied, "I thought you wouldn't be here."
"I left once the rain started pouring down.", he said casually, "So you're the Princess, huh..."
"I would have told you, but you wouldn't tell me who you were.", you said, "Prince Wonwoo."
He finally looked at you, only to quickly look away again.
"You should put something else on.", he took a deep breath, "It's not proper... and you're going to catch a cold."
"I'm not staying out here for long.", you shrugged.
"You're not?", he glanced at you, a slightly worried tone in his voice.
Oh. This isn't good.
"I mean...", you sighed, "I shouldn't be out here so late at night anyway. You should go inside too."
He looked at you, really looked at you. Everything around you just seemed to disappear. Only he was still there, and as he started approaching the balcony, much like the other night, you didn't utter a word to stop him. In fact, as he neared you hoped that he could finally close the gap filled with meaningless air between you. His hands gripped the edge of the balcony, right in between where your hands were resting. When he pulled himself up you stood face to face. You had never been this close to him before. He smelled of lavender and something dark and woody. His eyes were still strictly looking into yours, piercing through your soul. He opened his mouth to speak, and you looked down at his lips.
"I do not wish to cause you mental turmoil, but I must tell you that the moment I laid eyes on you that night I thought you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.", he spoke quietly and sincerely, "And if the situation had been different I wouldn't hesitate to try to win your affection. I waited for you in the rain last night, wishing that I could get another glimpse of you, to hear your voice again."
You sucked in a sharp breath and looked back into his eyes. His beautiful brown eyes. There was something so thrilling about having him so near, about him confessing his undying attraction to you. Your head was completely fogged up, you didn't know what you were doing, but your hands cupped his face and kissed him. He tasted sweet and reinvigorated, it reminded you of a lemon pie. His lips were soft and moved against yours with a slow, burning passion. Your hands traveled down to his collar, just to try to bring him a bit closer. But Wonwoo pulled away, his face one of horror as if he had just found something so very wrong.
"We shouldn't be doing this...", he suddenly said, "I am so terribly sorry."
You tried to stop him, to grab him, and tell him that no one had to know; anything to get him close to you again. He didn't listen. With fleeting footsteps, he left the garden. You looked over at the flowers. The weather had started growing colder, and with it came the frost. Much like you, the purple flowers in the garden had started withering away.
The next morning you asked Eunji to get you breakfast in bed and to tell the household that you weren't feeling well. You couldn't bare to come across Wonwoo again. You had never felt something so strong for another person, and you could never have him.
After breakfast, you put on a robe over your nightgown and made your way to the library. The weather was beautiful today, and you heard from Eunji that the family was going out for a walk in the nearby forest. That meant the castle was yours to wander, but you only wanted the library. As you walked in there, your eyes immediately landed on a singular book laying on a table. There was a couch near the table, and you took a seat and started reading. It wasn't anything interesting, only a book about some old war, but it was enough to distract you.
The door to the library opened and you locked eyes with Wonwoo. Your eyes widened as you quickly pulled your robe tighter around your chest. One of his hands was still on the door handle, the other one hanging by his side. You watched his hand grip around nothing before letting his fingers fall. Neither of you spoke, you only watched each other. Footsteps echoed outside the door, and you heard your name being called by someone. Wonwoo ran to you, pulling you aside and in between two bookshelves. You were shielded from the view from the door. Wonwoo's arms were tightly wrapped around your waist, your chest pressed against his. Still, neither of you spoke. You looked up at him with big, worried eyes. He swallowed and looked away from you. The library door opened.
"My Lady? Are you in there?", it was Sungho, "... strange. Brother? Are you in here?"
Wonwoo shut his eyes tightly in annoyance. Of course, his brother had seen him walk in here. He motioned for you to stay quiet, and left you alone to greet his brother.
"I'm right here.", he cleared his throat, "But I haven't seen the Princess."
"He chambermaid said she would be here...", Sungho trailed off, "Maybe she was mistaken. If you see her, please come get me."
"Of course."
The library door shut. You were left feeling breathless. When you turned around Wonwoo was right in front of you again.
"Do you always parade yourself around in such indecent clothing?", he hissed at you.
"Excuse me?", your eyebrows furrowed.
"What? Did you think I would walk in here and take you on the couch? Is that what you wanted?", Wonwoo's eyes were burning, but you couldn't tell if it was with anger or lust.
"I was informed that everyone had left the castle.", you said, "I wouldn't go out of my room otherwise."
Wonwoo quieted down, clearly flustered by his earlier assumption. You were left feeling like your heart would beat out of your chest. Truly, you didn't know what had happened to you. Any logic left in you had flown out the window, now replaced with attraction for the man in front of you.
"... about last night-", you started.
"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.", he grabbed your hands, "As I said if the situation was different..."
His eyes trailed down your face to your lips, then down your neck, to your collar bones, until they ended at your exposed chest when he reminded himself to look you back in the eye.
"My Lord-"
"I am not a Lord.", he murmured and cradled your cheek in his palm.
"My Prince...", you leaned into his touch.
"Just call me Wonwoo.", he said, "Let's stop with the formalities."
His hand was so warm and soft. You pressed your hand to the back of his, just to bring it even closer to your cheek. As you peered up at him through your lashes you saw how his breathing hitched. Sadly, you had to let go of him. Your hands removed the one that he held to your cheek, and you dropped your arms back to your sides.
"Prince Wonwoo...", you said despite his request, "I think you're right. This can't be. Besides, isn't it foolish to act on feelings toward a person you've only just met?"
"I suppose...", Wonwoo looked away from you to hide his disappointment, "But I do not feel like I have only just met you, Princess."
"It does not make it any less wrong.", you murmured.
His gaze returned to meet yours. Fireworks set off in your stomach, and you wanted to touch him again. You wished you had never made him let go. This couldn't possibly be wrong if it felt so good.
"Let's be good friends.", you managed to say.
"I think I can manage.", he smiled.
Oh, his smile was so wonderful. It made you feel like you were taking in a fresh breath of air during a chilly summer morning. You wanted to reach up and touch his face, cup his cheek, and gently swipe your thumb over his cheekbone.
"To good friends.", you held out your hand for him to shake.
"Good friends.", he took it.
Autumn passed, and in came winter. Most nights you would sit by a big fireplace in the drawing room. The only big problem with the Quiet wing was its lack of places to put fires. Whenever you would go to sleep, you would put on at least two layers of clothing and have extra blankets. The balcony was always closed now, though you had many times thought of visiting Wonwoo out there. He was acting normally around you, although you could feel him watching you when he thought you weren't looking. Your method was working out just fine.
Snowy days pass and you grow closer to Prince Sungho. One evening you're sitting in the drawing room, in front of the fireplace, when he walks in. You watch as he approaches you. It's only the two of you in the room. He seems nervous.
"I really am embarrassed that your room doesn't have proper heating.", he said for what must have been the hundredth time, "The offer of changing rooms still stands, whenever you want to."
"You're too kind, Prince Sungho.", you smile at him before turning back to the fire, "But I quite like my room, and it's not all that horrible... I also have a reason to come in here every evening, where I may see you."
The Prince was surprised by your flirtatious advances, as he always was. You patted on the couch right next to you, asking him to sit down. At this point, you know just what to say and do to make him weak in the knees. Which you had been using to your advantage. With the attention of a man such as Prince Sungho, you cannot possibly begin to think about Wonwoo.
"I have loved to have you here.", the Prince says as he sits down, "Truly, it has been a gift."
"I have loved to be here.", you responded.
"... but I have yet to do the thing that I promised.", he pulled out a small box from his pocket, "I know that I've offered my hand in marriage for you already, but I want it to be official. I want everyone to know."
He opens the box and reveals a diamond ring. With his slim fingers, he picks it up. You smile widely and put your hand in his. His eyes ask you for your permission, and you nod. Slowly, he pushes the ring onto your left ring finger.
"It's beautiful.", you hum and watch the diamond sparkle in the light of the fire.
"It's one of a kind.", he muses, "Just like you."
You can't help but think of Wonwoo. How his eyes sparkled just like this diamond the night he had kissed you. When you look up at the man in front of you, it's not Wonwoo, and you have to face reality.
"We should start planning for the wedding.", you mutter.
"Soon, my love.", he holds your face in his hands, "I want to celebrate you first. We shall throw a ball in your honor."
"My honor?"
"In honor of our official engagement, then.", he gave you a toothy smile, "After that, I will give you all the resources to plan a wedding... I'll find the best people in the land."
You wondered what Sungho truly knew about you. How could he be so infatuated with a person whom he's only spoken to in person for a few months? How can he promise you everything when you still see a stranger when you look at him?
"I think I will go to my chambers, it's late.", you say and stand up.
"Sleep well, my Lady.", Sungho watches you as you leave.
After a few weeks, an entire ball had been planned and executed. It was the day of the big night. The evening would start with the King announcing your official engagement, and let the guests celebrate with a night full of dancing and wine. A group of maids had brought you a dress, a present from the Queen. The corset top sat tightly on your torso. The sweetheart neckline accentuated your collarbone area and the puffy, short sleeves gave it a romantic look. Flower prints in lace covered the top elegantly and subtly, which contrasted the many chiffon layers of the skirt. At first glance, the dress looked white, but it was in fact a light lilac color. As the maids helped you put it on, one of them gave you a note from the Queen herself.
I heard you like the purple flowers in my garden, so this will suit you well.
Your body froze. Only two people knew of your fondness of the garden: Eunji and Wonwoo. If Eunji had told her, she would've asked you first. Maybe the Queen had asked her not to tell, to make it a surprise... but if Wonwoo had said something it would be suspicious. You couldn't be worrying about this now.
"Everything is done, Princess.", one of the maids said in a soft-spoken tone.
"Thank you.", you did your best to smile at her.
When you looked at yourself in the mirror, you felt like crying. You should be jumping with glee at this moment in your life, but you couldn't bring yourself to do it. A night which was supposed to be about your engagement to the Prince, and so far you had spent most of it worrying about another man. You knew he would be there, and your mind had immediately wandered to what he would think of you - if he would find you beautiful. This was all so wrong.
They announced your name before you entered the ballroom. Whispers and gasps echoed through the large room as you walked towards the Kind and his oldest son. The King offered you his hand, which you took, and let him guide you to hold Sungho's hand. You looked out over the crowd, meeting star-struck and emotional faces. More importantly, you met Wonwoo's piercing gaze. As the King held a short speech in the engagement's honor, you never looked away from Wonwoo. Unlike his brother, he was wearing all black. His suit was lined with golden details, and a few golden rings adorned his fingers. He had a cape hanging over one shoulder, and a pair of well-polished boots. In a crowd full of white-clad folks, he stood out like a sore thumb. You wanted to tease him about dressing wrong for the occasion, but that would be too close to flirting.
"That is why I am happy to announce the engagement of my oldest son, Prince Sungho, and the lovely Princess Y/N. You have my blessing, and I know that this union will be a wonderful one.", the King brought you back to your senses, "To the happy couple! Let's celebrate!"
"Would you like to dance, my Lady?", Sungho whispered in your ear as the two of you walked out on the dancefloor.
You're already leading me there, it would just be awkward to say no now...
"I would love to.", you put on your best smile and got into position.
The crowd watched as you danced. After a minute, others joined in but you saw Wonwoo still leaning against one of the pillars. You locked eyes, and you couldn't look away.
"You seem distracted, my Lady.", Sungho said.
"Oh, I'm just... as I've told you, I'm not very good at dancing. I guess I'm just nervous.", you looked back at him.
"Don't worry, when you're in my hands you're safe."
"I'm sure.", you nodded and looked past him again, but now Wonwoo was gone.
The song ended, and Sungho eventually left your side to talk to some of his friends. You were left standing alone in a corner. Now that the announcement had been made and people had paraded you around, nobody seemed to care where you went. A sigh escaped your lips as you relaxed against the cold wall.
"Tired already?", a voice appeared beside you.
When you saw him your eyes widened, and you felt your cheeks grow warm. Wonwoo had looked good from afar, but this close he was truly a sight to behold.
"It's alright, I also usually keep to myself at these kinds of things.", he added.
"You can talk to me.", he gave you a delicate smile.
"... it's not weird for you?", you murmured.
"Of course it is. But not a day goes by where my life is normal or goes my way. You get used to it.", he held out his hand to you, "Am I worthy enough to dance with you, Princess?"
"People will see.", you looked out over the ballroom, nobody had seen you just yet.
"Then they will see two people dancing, nothing more.", he took your hand and put it on his shoulder, "You just think so because you want there to be more to it."
Wonwoo's put his hand on your waist, and with his other hand, he grabbed yours. The two of you swayed in the shadows, out of view from anyone else. Being in his arms made you feel safe like you could truly rest. When the song ended he let go of you but kept holding your hand. He bent down and placed a gentle kiss on the back of your hand.
"Thank you, Princess.", he said and took a step away from you.
"You're a wonderful dancer.", you let out a giggle, "You must be a favorite amongst the ladies."
"Oh, definitely...", he said sarcastically, "Especially the married ones."
"I'm glad you two get along so well.", Sungho placed an arm around your waist.
"Oh, he's a swell conversationalist.", you said and internally cringed at your words of choice.
"Really?", Sungho's eyebrows shot up, "I've never thought of you as the chatty type, brother."
"I have my moments.", Wonwoo replied, "But I should go. I hope you have a good rest of your night."
The rest of the night went rather smoothly. You were introduced to many people and danced with even more. From time to time you would catch a glimpse of Wonwoo, but not nearly enough for your liking. When the clock struck midnight, you realized that people weren't leaving yet. You asked Sungho when it was time to end, and he responded that it usually goes on until dawn. When you heard that you excused yourself and said that you would be leaving for your chambers early. You took the shortcut through the King's throne room, knowing that everyone else would be trying to leave through the ballroom's main entrance.
In the mirror-filled room, you caught your reflection. Your hair was in complete disarray, and your face had taken on a flustered color. Slowly, you approached one of the many mirrors. The door behind you opened, and when you looked through the mirror's reflection you saw Wonwoo.
"It's only me.", he said and closed the door.
His footsteps were slow, almost cautious. It was as if he was giving you time to tell him to stop. You didn't say a word. Wonwoo approached you. He had the same flustered look on his face as you did. It must have been the wine. It must have also been the wine that made you want him so bad. And, yes, it must have been the wine that made Wonwoo wrap his arms around your waist from behind. His large figure easily engulfed you, and you leaned into it. Wonwoo put his head on your shoulder and looked into your eyes through the reflection.
"I have been watching you all night, my love.", he whispered.
One of his hands pushed away the hair from the shoulder his chin was leaning on. His fingertips grazed your neck, making you shudder.
"I have seen you watching.", you hummed, "I was looking for you as well."
In a moment of pure bliss, his lips met your neck. A peck, that turned into two and then three. They were leading up from the crook of your neck to your jaw.
"You must be the most intoxicating goddess I have ever had the honor of being in the presence of.", he mumbled against your skin, "Have you seduced me, my princess?"
His princess.
"What if I have?", you smile at him through the mirror.
"I would have to tell your husband.", he took his lips away from your skin, much to your dismay.
"He's not my husband yet.", you sighed, "Let me take part in my freedom for a while longer."
"I wish to have a taste of you, my love.", he turned your head to face him with his hand, "Will you allow me the delight of feeling your lips against mine again?"
You didn't respond, instead, you pressed your lips to his greedily. Your body turned around to fully face him, and you pressed your chest against his. He pulled away to look around the room, and a paranoid feeling entered your chest.
"Someone could see us.", he said.
"My chambers are far away from the ballroom.", you take his face in his hands and place another kiss on his lips.
"I have heard that your chambers are freezing during this time of year.", he muttered against your lips.
"Don't worry, I will warm you up.", you smiled and grabbed his hand.
The two of you ran as fast as you could through the castle halls. His hand never left yours. You were lucky that nobody seemed to be around because you had a hard time keeping quiet. Laughs spilled out of your lips every other second.
When you reached your chambers, you locked the door behind you. Wonwoo's hands stayed on you every second and you loved the attention. With every step toward your bed, he placed another kiss on your skin. You were utterly drunk off of his contact with your body. Which is why a groan escaped your lips when he let you go. You sat down on the bed, both sleeves of your dress having slipped down.
"Tell me to leave now if you truly do not want me, my love.". he breathed out, "I will not hold myself back if we go any further."
"Please...", you grab his hand, "Have your way with me."
The very next morning you woke up to a sharp knock on your door. You stirred in your sleep, your hand touching a naked body beside you. Wonwoo was fast asleep beside you. A gasp escaped your lips as you pulled the covers up to cover your bare chest.
"Your Majesty!", another sharp knock, "I have to get you ready for breakfast!"
"Just give me a second, Eunji!", you shouted back.
Your voice woke up Wonwoo, who grabbed your waist to hold you closer. He was completely unaware of the situation you were in. In a hushed voice, you whispered to him that he had to get out of bed. With a grumpy look, he got up and gathered his clothes off the floor. Another knock scared you, and you ended up pushing him behind the partition wall. You put on your nightgown and walked over to the door, hoping that you didn't look like a flustered mess.
"My apologies, Eunji.", you smiled at her when you opened the door, "I was very tired from the ball last night..."
"I understand that my Lady, but you shouldn't lock your door when you know I don't have a key.", she explained with a worried look.
"I know, I know... I just wanted to be safe, you know with so many people around.", you lied right through your teeth.
"Well, we don't have time to chat. Let's get you ready!", Eunji pushed inside your room and walked over to the wardrobe.
You could see Wonwoo's feet under the small gap in the partition wall. Eunji handed you your slip dress and told you to put it on. In a state of panic, you went behind the partition wall and stood in front of Wonwoo so that his feet wouldn't be visible from under the partition wall. A sleepy smile was painted on his lips. He had only managed to put on his pants, his shirt still hanging from his hands. With an annoyed sigh, you took it from him and started pushing it over his head.
"Are you okay back there, my Lady?", Eunji asked as Wonwoo put his arms through the sleeves.
"Oh, I'm just... feeling a bit sick from the wine.", you stammered out.
"Well, if you need help I can-"
"No!", you yelled, "No, thank you. I don't need help."
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm just feeling... self-conscious.", you shut your eyes tight, "Could you please put the dress on the bed for me? I'll try to do the rest by myself."
"Oh, my Lady, you have nothing to be embarrassed about.", Eunji assured you, "But if you wish for me to leave, then I shall. I'll be outside the door in case you do end up needing my services."
"Thank you, Eunji.", your breath hitched as you felt Wonwoo's hands on your waist.
The door opened and closed, and as soon as it shut Wonwoo pressed his lips to yours. You put your hands on his chest and smiled against the kiss.
"You're impossible.", you murmured softly.
He leaned his forehead against yours and looked deep into your eyes. A chill sent down your spine as Wonwoo started caressing your back. The warm glow of the morning sun filled the room and you found yourself feeling so unbelievably lucky.
"Last night...", he whispered, "Do you regret it?"
"I wish I would have done it sooner.", you admitted, "But now I must force you to leave, I'm sure people are looking for you."
"They can keep searching forever...", he muttered and kissed you again.
"People will grow suspicious.", you pulled away with a chuckle, "And as much as I'd love to keep kissing you forever, I have enough common sense to know it won't last."
"Let me at least help you get dressed.", his hands went to the hem of your short nightgown, "We don't want to keep your maid waiting."
"I'll let you help with the dress she picked out for me.", you said and pushed him out of the partition wall.
Your hands worked quickly to take off the nightgown and put on the slip dress. When you walked out you caught Wonwoo feeling the blue velvet material of your dress between his fingers. He handed you the dress carefully. The buttons in the back had already been undone, so all you had to do was step into it and pull the long sleeves over your arms. He motioned for you to turn around. Once your back faced him, Wonwoo slowly worked on buttoning the back of your dress. His lips pressed to the still bare skin where your neck met your back. The dress' collar was high, hiding whatever blemishes that were left from last night's activities.
"Leave the last few unbuttoned...", you whispered, "It'll be more believable that I couldn't reach."
Wonwoo hummed and took his hands away from you. Turning around, you stood face to face with the most lovestruck man you have ever seen. His smile was warm and inviting, creating small lines by his nose, and despite how wonderful this smile was you wanted to kiss it off his lips so badly. And in the beautiful morning glow, his eyes resembled portals of light that you would gladly dive into without questioning what could be on the other side.
"I'll miss you every second you aren't by my side.", he said.
"Can we see each other tonight again?", you asked.
"Of course."
Another harsh knock on the door, followed by a kind yet alarming voice that told you to please hurry up.
"Sorry, I got lost in my thoughts.", you responded but didn't look away from Wonwoo.
He walked over to the balcony door and opened it. You followed closer, leaning over the railing of the balcony as he climbed down. Before he could leave, he pulled himself up just enough to kiss you again.
"Goodbye, my love.", he whispered.
"I'll see you soon."
Yet another knock on your door. It made you laugh this time. You hurried inside and closed the door. As you straightened out your dress, the door was impatiently pushed open.
"I'm terribly sorry, Eunji.", you said, "I couldn't get the last few buttons done."
"You should've called for my help.", she sighed, "The Queen has asked for your presence at breakfast to discuss wedding plans."
The wedding. You felt your heart sink. How could you have forgotten about the wedding? One of your hands steadied you against your bedframe, while you held the other one to your stomach.
"Are you alright, my Lady?", Eunji asked as she finished buttoning you up.
"Just nervous...", you breathed out.
The wedding had a date. A month after the first day of spring, just to give enough time for preparations. You wished for winter to never end. Persephone could gladly stay by Hades' side, you didn't care. Even though the wedding was all anyone talked about, you hadn't accepted fate just yet. That's why, every night, you would drown your sorrows with the kisses of your lover. Every morning you woke up at dawn to spend more time with him before he had to leave. And when he eventually did have to leave, you could feel your heart getting ripped apart inside your chest. The constant ache only worsened when you were around Prince Sungho, as guilt had started plaguing you whenever you saw him. The Prince would take you out on rides in the forest, on promenades in the gardens, and he even took you on a boat ride once or twice. All of these exceptional experiences, and yet your favorite moments in the castle were those in your bed laying next to Wonwoo.
As spring approached, you grew more reckless. The constant need of being near Wonwoo only grew stronger, and you did everything you could to keep him by your side.
One evening, when you knew that Wonwoo would be going out for a ride, you walked all alone to the stables to meet him. The snow had started melting away, but you tried not to think about it. Nevertheless, it was still very cold outside and not warm enough for anything to have grown. The warmth of the stables welcomed you quickly, as you walked across the floors to where Wonwoo's favorite horse stood. Just as you were about to turn the corner, Wonwoo peeked out from the small room. A smile spread across his lips as soon as he laid his eyes on you.
"Is anyone else here?", you whispered and looked around.
"Only me.", he said and put his arms around your waist, "You must be freezing. Why would you walk outside without a coat?"
"I didn't think to get it.", your arms wrapped around his neck, "And I was in a hurry to see you before you left."
"I was going to go see you tonight, after my ride.", he explained.
"It would be too long of a wait."
"You're so impatient."
One of his hands cupped your cheek and brought you in for a loving kiss. He was so warm. You wanted to melt into him and nest in his chest, to always keep his warmth around you.
"We could run away, you know.", he murmured against your lips, "Spring is approaching, there's not much time left..."
"I don't want to think about it...", you put your hands on his chest to create some distance between him and you.
"Y/N, this is the first time we've ever been alone outside of your chambers.", he sighed, "When you share your chambers with... someone else, we won't be able to see each other like that."
"We can find a way.", you sighed.
"We could run away, my love.", he argued, "We would only bring what was necessary, and we could take two horses. Then we wouldn't have to worry about hiding anymore."
You took a deep breath, leaning your forehead against Wonwoo's chest. While part of you wanted to run away, there was still a big part of you that knew that you had a duty to your people. And that part needed to stay.
"No.", you shook your head, "I can't just abandon my kingdom."
Tears pricked the corners of your eyes. You grabbed at his shirt, partly because you were trying to make him stay close to you, but you also didn't want him to see you cry. As your first sob rocked through your body he didn't try to pull you away, he only held you closer. One of his hands soothingly caressed your back, while the other held onto the back of your head.
"I hate it.", you sobbed, "I hate it so much."
Wonwoo kept quiet but held you even closer. The stables were so unbelievably quiet, that you had forgotten you were even there. But the door opened, making the two of you quickly separate. Tears were still streaming down your face, and there was nothing Wonwoo could do to comfort you. You whispered goodbye and quickly made your way out of the stables.
After that encounter, you didn't stop meeting in public. Whenever no one else was around, you would take the chance to embrace each other. On this particular day, it was the library. This wretched, cursed day.
"Your chambers are just around the corner.", Wonwoo mumbled against your lips, "We could go there."
The two of you were laying on the couch, you on top of him. Your heart felt so full, that you didn't want to move. So, you shook your head at his suggestion and only kissed him again. His strong arms held you tightly against his body. Your hands were in his hair, trying to pull him closer to you. It was dark outside, so a few candles were lit around you.
"I love you.", you murmured, "I really do."
"I love you too.", he smiled at your confession.
"I wish spring never comes...", you sighed and put your head on his chest.
Wonwoo put his hand along your jawline and brought you back up to face him.
"Don't mention spring.", he said, "Just forget about it for a moment. For me, my love."
"For you? I'll do anything.", you grinned and pressed your lips to his again.
"What is this?", Sungho said angrily, "Your chambermaid was worried sick about you, and here you are whoring yourself out for my brother!"
"It's not what it looks like, please-", you tried to plea but he interrupted you.
"I invite you into my home, I promise you all the riches in the land, and this is what you do to me?", he gasped.
"Brother, it's not her fault-"
"Oh, so this is your doing?", Sungho scoffed, "You can't have the throne so you decide to steal my future wife?"
"Please, forgive me, my Prince.", you got down on your knees in front of him, "I promise you, this will never happen again. I will marry you when spring comes, we can just forget about all of this."
Sungho only looked down at you, with so much hatred in his eyes. He looked between you and Wonwoo, studying the situation. Suddenly, you felt him grab your hair and pull you up to your feet. You could hear Wonwoo's protests behind you, but you tried not to think of it.
"Don't beg for me.", he hissed, "I want you to beg him to never come near you again. Show me that you're only loyal to me."
He turned you around to face Wonwoo. His eyes were full of tears and he seemed to be completely speechless. Your bottom lip quivered. What if you had just run away with him? Everything would've been okay now. You could've lived your life out with him in a small cottage in the middle of nowhere, where no one knew who you were.
"Please, never come near me again.", you sobbed out, "I don't ever want to see you again."
"Do you hear that brother?", Sungho taunted, "She doesn't want to see you again. So I suggest you pack up and go on a little trip. If you don't want this... mistake to go public, you will leave the castle until the wedding. You will not see her again until we are married."
Wonwoo didn't break eye contact with you. It felt like his eyes were telling you that it was all okay. That, despite having said a most horrible thing to him, he still loved you and that he understood your situation. He stood up and walked out of the room, bumping into his older brother's shoulder as he did so. Sungho let go of the grip on your hair and you fell to your knees once again.
"Get her to her chambers, maid.", he said to Eunji, "I have other business to attend to."
Eunji rushed to your side and held your trembling body in your arms the best she could. She kept on whispering apologies between her cursing about how you could have been so reckless.
"Princess Y/N.", Sungho said from the doorway, "I am doing you a favor. Do not forget this, as I will not forget what you have done."
He walked out of the library and slammed the door behind him. As his footsteps faded, you felt your body lose its strength. You could no longer sit, let alone stand. Eunji had to bring in more maids to help carry you to your bed.
Heartbreak comes in many forms, sometimes physical. You were sick in bed for days, not eating a thing. People grew worried, asking how the wedding would take place if the Princess wasn't well. They only thought you had an illness, not that your heart had been broken into a billion pieces. So they treated it like any other illness. Only Eunji was allowed to visit you, that is what you had requested. Although you heard voices outside of your room many times. Most of the time it was your mother, she was usually crying. Eunji tried to reassure everyone that you just needed to rest and that the sickness would leave your body eventually. One night, she was sitting by your bedside and washing your body with a cloth. You hadn't been able to move, which meant you couldn't bathe.
"I'm hungry.", you breathed out between chapped lips.
Eunji went into a frenzy as soon as she heard the words. You had pushed away any food that she had brought you, so your hunger was very welcomed. She put you back down against the pillows and put away her rag and bucket.
"What would you like to eat, my Lady?", she asked with happy tears in her eyes.
"Pomegranates.", you whispered and looked over to the balcony, "I want pomegranates."
"Oh... then I shall get you pomegranates, my Lady.", she hurried out the room and shouted down the corridor about the news.
The people were static, and people from all over brought you pomegranates. It was hard to get ahold of at this time of year, but people managed. If anyone knew what you had done, you wondered if they would be so keen on trying to please you. It didn't matter now. Soon enough, Eunji brought you a platter of pomegranates. They were displayed nicely, why you didn't know. There were a few sliced pomegranates, as well as a few whole ones, but most importantly there was a bowl of only pomegranate seeds.
"Here you go, my Lady.", Eunji sat the platter down in front of you.
"Leave.", you whispered.
Eunji nodded and quickly gathered herself and left. You stared at the red fruit in front of you. Persephone ate six of the twelve pomegranate seeds she was given and it gave her six months in the Underworld. With a trembling hand, you took the wooden spoon in the bowl and pushed many pomegranate seeds past your lips. It wasn't enough. You put the spoon away and grabbed a handful of pomegranate seeds from the bowl and shoved them into your mouth. The fruit's juices poured down from the corners of your lips, but you did nothing to stop it. You took more of the seeds and kept shoving them down your throat. The noises that came out of you were disgusting. Gasps and gulps and gargles, but it was drowned out by your thoughts. If you ate many enough it would give you an eternity with Wonwoo. The bowl was empty and, with desperate hands, you clawed at the sliced pomegranates. You ate the white meat around it if you couldn't get the seeds out, and when you finished those you tried to open the whole fruits. You were too weak to even try. He had to be by the balcony now, he had to. You pushed the platter away from you and ripped off the bed sheets. Delirious and quivering, you walked over to the balcony and pulled aside the blinds that were covering the glass door. It was day, but he had to be there already. You opened the door and felt the cold wind against your sweaty body. After finally getting out, you leaned over the railing. He was nowhere to be seen. You desperately looked around, feeling warm tears stream down your face. Eventually, your eyes fell on the tree beside the balcony. Small little green buds had started growing on the otherwise brows twigs. Spring is here.
"No...", your voice was hoarse, "No, no, no..."
You walked over to the tree and tried to pull all of the buds off, getting your hand completely cut open on the sharp branches. A sob came out of your throat as you kept repeating that one word. No. This couldn't be happening. It couldn't be spring already. You stumbled back and looked down at your scathing hand. Blood poured out of all the cuts and you felt sick. You hurled forward, blood-red vomit spewing out of you. All of the pomegranates escaped your stomach. They were rejecting you. There was no savior who could help you now. Everything around you went dark.
When you woke up you were in bed again, and your body felt much lighter. A man you had never seen before was sitting beside you. Eunji, who was sitting on your other side, explained that he was a physician and was treating you for your illness. He had been feeding you liquids to get your strength back, which was why you felt so much better.
"You are allergic to pomegranates.", he explained in an emotionless tone, "I'm guessing you've had one before, but because of the large intake you had a much bigger reaction. If you eat just a little it wouldn't be very noticeable, maybe a slight itch."
"How...", you had to clear your throat, "How long was I out?"
"A few days.", Eunji said, "Since you've been rapidly getting better, preparations for the wedding have started. They want your opinion on a lot of things... but if you would rather not see anyone, you can tell me and I'll deliver the message."
All hope was out. You had given up.
"No... I'll meet them..."
In a matter of weeks, the wedding was upon you. It was the night before, and you were in your bed. Preparing for your wedding had kept you so preoccupied that you hadn't thought of anything else. The knock on your balcony door, therefore, surprised you. When you looked over you met the eyes of Wonwoo, and your heart broke all over again. You pushed aside your blanket and walked over to the door. Wonwoo embraced you as soon as he could, but you didn't reciprocate.
"I've missed you.", he whispered.
"When did you get back?", you asked.
"About an hour ago.", he replied, "Listen, I know that last time I asked this of you, you declined... but this time I have a plan."
"Are you asking me to run away with you?", you murmured as he pulled away from you.
"Tomorrow night.", he said, "There's a boat by the docks, I'm supposed to go alone. We'll be on a different continent."
"You're leaving? Why now?", you cupped his face in his hands.
"My brother convinced my father that I should try being on my own for a while.", he sighed, "He gave me a chance to visit another kingdom we have a treaty with. Once we're there, we can go wherever we want - and nobody will know until it's too late."
"... I don't know if I can choose.", you admit softly.
You blamed everyone in the story of Persephone and Hades for giving her such a horrible fate, but maybe it wasn't so bad after all. Oh, how you wished for a compromise now.
"The boat leaves tomorrow night.", Wonwoo cupped your cheek in his hand, "I won't force you to do anything, and I'm not trying to convince you to go with me... I'm just giving you another chance."
With that, he leaned down and kissed you. It was soft and sweet. You had longed to kiss him again, but still, you felt so heartbroken. He whispered goodbye before disappearing into the night, you knew you wouldn't get another chance to see him before the ceremony.
On the day of the wedding, you could help but cry. Out of anger, sadness, and out of uncertainty. Anger because your father left you to take care of his mess all by yourself. Sadness because you didn't love the man you were about to marry. And uncertainty because you had no idea what choices you would make tonight.
People around you comforted you by saying that it was normal to feel nervous on the big day. You asked to be left alone with Eunji, and for her to do the rest of the preparations for you. She was silent as she was dressing you, and she only spoke up when she had started taking care of your hair.
"I feel guilty, my Lady.", she said.
"About what?", you said between sniffles.
"About that day in the library.", she frowned at you in the mirror, "I truly just thought you had gone missing."
"It's my fault as well.", you assured her, "I guess I should have told you."
She laughed and put a comforting hand on your shoulder, you put your hand on top of hers. The two of you looked at each other with warm smiles, like old friends do.
"I would have liked to know.", she eventually said.
"And I was dying to tell someone.", you admitted, "I'm sorry for not telling you."
"No, no... you did what you thought was best.", she argued, "... was he good to you, my Lady?"
You turned around in your chair and gave her a mischievous smile. Eunji raised her eyebrows and you nodded. Without speaking a single word, the two of you had told so much. Both of you busted out laughing.
"How did you do it?", she asked between giggles.
"He snuck in through the balcony most nights.", you admitted, "Oh, and he was so nice... I've never met anyone like him. He's quiet and reserved, but when he does speak he always knows what to say."
"Not to mention, he's very handsome.", Eunji added, and the two of you broke out into fits of giggles again.
This is what you wanted your wedding to be. You wanted to be able to giggle about what a handsome and charming man your future husband was. In the midst of your laughter, you broke out crying again.
"Oh, my Lady-", Eunji quickly grabbed tissues from the table, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have spoken about it."
"He asked me to run away with him.", you whispered, "Tonight. By boat."
"But the wedding-"
"I know, I know!", you whaled, "I don't know what to do!"
"My Lady, I don't know much about love.", Eunji crouched down in front of you, "But I can see it on your face, you truly love that man. That is something that no one can take away from you. If you decide to go or not... I won't judge you for it. I just hope you follow your heart. Do what you think is right."
You nodded and took the tissue she offered to wipe away your tears.
The ceremony went fairly quickly. You were lucky you had a veil because you couldn't help but cry once again, even if Eunji had given you a good speech beforehand. Wonwoo was in the crowd, you knew that, but you had no idea where since you didn't dare look. You had made up your mind, or so you thought.
You weren't going to leave with him, not at first at least. During the festivities held afterward, you watched as your now husband held speeches and talked to his peers. He wasn't your person. You knew that, and you were sure that the entire world could see that as well. So, when no one was looking you snuck out into the night. It was already late, and Wonwoo had left an hour earlier. But you just had to take this chance. You couldn't stay with Sungho for the rest of your life.
The white dress turned green and brown from you running through the mud. You had fallen down many times, and you were sure your legs were entirely scratched up. It didn't matter now, you would be with your love forever.
When you reached the docks there was no boat. If you squinted enough, you could see a ship in the distance - it was sailing away from you. You screamed, shouted, yelled, and ran as far as the coast would let you. But to no avail. The boat was gone. Wonwoo was gone. For how long, you didn't know. It was time to accept fate. Betrayed and tired, you made your way back to the castle. You had to ask Eunji for another dress.
Years flew by, and you got along rather well with your husband. You didn't love him, and you never learned to, but you did love the children he gave you. Three children: two boys and the youngest was a girl. They lived in ignorance, along with everyone else in the castle. Only you, Eunji, and Sungho knew of what happened in the past. You tried to forget. But when the King died one night while in his bed, you knew that you had to face your history.
He came in a boat, just like he had left. The years had taken a toll on him, but he wasn't any less beautiful. You wanted to embrace him but held yourself back by holding your arms so hard that your nails dug into your flesh. Wonwoo was only there for the funeral, then he would leave again. You tried not to think about it, or to see him as a stranger, but it was much too difficult.
The children loved him. Wonwoo was great with kids, reminding you that there was so much that you hadn't had the chance to find out about him.
After dinner, you excused yourself to go to the garden. The Queen had let you have it, knowing how much you loved to spend your free time there. Even if you hadn't expected it, you were very pleased when Wonwoo had come after you. Without a word, the two of you embraced, hidden by a large tree and the many purple Phlox. It was the middle of summer, so the green leaves obscured you well.
"I've missed you, so much.", he breathed out.
"Wonwoo...", you pulled away from him, "I want you to know that I tried to go with you that night. I was prepared to leave my life here for you... but I can't do that anymore."
"I know... I know, my love.", he cupped your cheek in his palm, "It's okay. I'm happy for you. You've done so well."
You put your hand on top of his and leaned into his touch. In the distance, you heard a child shouting for you. Another sigh escaped your lips, and you did your best to hold back the tears that threatened to spill out of the corner of your eye.
"I have to go.", you whispered out with a sob stuck in your throat, "But you should know that a day never passes where I don't think of you."
You walked away from him, stopping mid-step when he called your name.
"I never married.", he admitted, "I haven't been able to move on from you."
His words broke you, and a cry escaped your lips. You didn't turn around, you couldn't turn around now. Instead, you wiped away your tears and followed the voice of your child.