Thoughts Of Today

I’ve been stalking you a bit, I don’t know if you did it too but honestly there’s not much I have to offer… Is there anything you’re not good at? I’m impressed… awestruck even! But I guess that’s always how I’ve viewed you. The perfect person, the Isabella of the world, if you get my meaning. I managed to live without you for a bit, but you, or maybe the idea of you, is coming back, stronger than ever, and I cannot cope with that. I really wish you the best. If i prayed, i would pray for you til the day I die. I don’t know what else to say. I won’t say that I love you because I don’t know anymore. I don’t know how I feel about you. I guess I feel like I’m missing a part of myself, it’s a very strange feeling.

I want to die E. I really, really want to die. But I can’t kill myself because it would impact others around me. People whom I love fondly, but to whom I have nothing to offer. I don’t even have anything to offer to myself.

This is weird, i am looking for things to say as if I wanted to sound even more miserable. But this is how I feel, miserable. It is the only thing that I’ve felt in weeks.

I envy you, too. I guess I’ve envied you since we met. I don’t know why, but I do. And I know how unhealthy this is, because in a way your life sucks. Even if it looks perfect from the outside.

Anyway, I am not dying tonight, unless the war starts and bombs start to blow, which is secretly hope they will, because I am done with life.

Forever yours,

The storm is getting stronger and stronger

She swirls and swirls

The rain is soaking her white gown, her hair is dripping, her fingers and her feet are blue from the cold and green from the grass.

She twirls and twirls.

Tears from her eyes blend with droplets inside her open mouth.

The cliff is high her foot slips

In one last turn she falls

Rain

Grass

Dress

Hair

What a way to finish a dance

Grand finale

The curtain falls.

I

My tears wet the firewood.

The light that guided me vanished.

I have no idea where to go.

I think I’ll just stop for the night.

In that dark wood of shadows.

Shadows of you, shadows of us.

My amber and your Snow White.

‘Each day’s the same

Call your name in the pouring rain

I wait outside

Even if it takes all night’

Everybody wants you — Red Hearse

~ Icarus ~

I’m at a point in my life when im drawn towards the edge of the cliff. It’s hard, but I’ll keep on fighting the urge to fly away... without wings.

———