Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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@smartassastronaut
I’m a period.
So my sister and I were fighting about absolute white and whether or not it was a color in and of itself or the absent of color. She was being like super annoying and shit and then I was all like “yo I’m on my period so I can like f*ck u up” and then she started laughing and then my other sister heard this and was like “your a period?” And I’m like yea I’m on it, and then she said with voice shaking “can I use you at the end of my sentence” and I fucking lost it.
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Whenever I’m on my phone or laptop looking at PJO fan fiction and I like gasp or squeal cuz like feels n stuff my brother will shriek really loud and then yell,”PERCY” and I just
*I’m wearing a Lake Michigan shirt that says “unsalted” on it*
My friend:[looks at my shirt] What no that’s not true your salty.
Me:What no it’s because Lake Michigan is unsalted. Like its freshwater.
My friend:[long pause where she looks down at my shirt then back at me] pfft yea I knew that...
Me:[dumbfounded at her stupidity] o mai gawd how did you not know that.
My friend: you can’t know that it doesn’t have salt.
Me: ...yes? I can? It’s a lake not an ocean or sea.
My friend: What no you can be who you wanna be and maybe Lake Michigan wants to be salty.
Me: WTF. NO
Oh the irony.
Look an Akuma
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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The Universe in a Nutshell
Sister #1: Wyoming is so weird.
Me: why?
1: It’s remembered because it’s forgotten.
Me: What?
1: Wyoming is remembered because it’s the one people usually forget.
Me: Oh.
1: The universe is so weird cuz Wyoming is remembered for being forgotten and people put a lot of effort into making their hair look effortless.
Me: yep.
1: What is wrong with the universe!?
*awkward pause*
Sister #2: ItS DyInG!

Ya'll remember the Alaskan Bull Worm from that one SpongeBob episode?

ITS A REAL THING. THAT FUCK NG THING IS ALIVE.
My mom keeps going on about how her generation is the best because they can "survive without the internet." Her actual words were "you guys can't go anywhere without Siri. You wouldn't be able to get from block A to block B even if block B was right in front of your nose."
Even the sky is done
A massive, infinite labyrinth appears one day. Those who fly overhead, after a few minutes, are returned to whence they came. Thousands flocked in. No one has returned.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
You arrive home to find your roommate on the ground, straddling an identical copy of themselves with a knife in hand.
The narrator was running late and just showed up to a story already in progress. He doesn’t know who the heroes or villains are or even what genre this is.
Alright guys, sorry I’m late, traffic was a nightmare, my dog was sick, and we were out of coffee.
“Umm… we’re already in the middle of this.” A young man wearing armor, covered in small wounds, held a bloody sword in his hand while looking confused. His opponent, a woman in a black cape holding a large staff, looking similarly startled.
Couldn’t you guys have held off for the narrator to arrive? Geez, what a mess. I haven’t even had a chance to check my schedule yet. What kind of story is this? Let’s see, dark dungeon, attractive characters… is this a romance scene?
The woman coughed uncomfortably. “No. We’re currently in a battle for the fate of the world.”
Hmm, seems like a waste… why?
“What do you mean why?” The hero threw up his hands in frustration. “I’m trying to save the world here!”
Oh, my bad… go ahead, I won’t stop you.
The two opponents readied to clash once more. They rushed forward screaming, weapons raised.
One last question!
The characters stopped. “WHAT NOW?!” The woman lost her temper, screaming.
Do you guys mind pausing for a moment? I was rushing so much that I didn’t have a chance to go to the bathroom. I really have to go badly.
“You’re joking.”
No I’m really serious. I really have to go.
The hero stared at the villainess. “Hey can we just… do this tomorrow? I’m seriously off my game here.”
She shrugged in reply. “Yeah, sounds good, the atmosphere is completely ruined anyways.”
Wait, where are you guys going? Hello? Guys? Fine, I’m going out for coffee, you two want any? No? Just me? Fine, see you guys tomorrow!
Honestly, this is me anytime I go out.
