Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
This section is mostly from a class/economic standpoint and doesn't really focus on the demon attack on his family. It is also not only based on my little understanding based on the research I did about poverty and class in Edo/Late Meiji Japan but also based on my experiences as someone who grew up poverty-er-adjacent.
This blog here has an article that does a deep dive into Sanemi based on Japanese culture and history. Their work was what inspired me to do a deeper dive into Sanemi's poor backgoround. It's in Japanese but the translations are so worth it, and they have writeups on other characters!
Now lets get to it, this is post is going to be very long and very sappy, be warned.
His Background
We all know that Sanemi grew up poor, but it's poor in a way that's different from the other characters. We can attribute Gyomei's poverty to his religious faith in a way, Tanjiro and Muichiro are more modest than actually poor - at least they own their houses. The Shinazugawas had a shitty landlord whose son made fun of them for being 'the poor people with too many kids', they lived in these rundown, face-to-face, the-neighbors-know-all-your-business row houses.
Sanemi grew up in the slums with a population of citizens who were essentially 'left behind' during the rise of urbanization and industrialization. These citizens not only had to deal with characterizations that portray them as being ignorant, uneducated, boorish, dirty, aggressive, mannerless and ignorant, but also with being preyed upon by greedy landlords, merchants and businessmen. The government weren't of much help either because they would rather put in efforts into removing them as far as possible from the modern cities, away from the eyes of foreigners.
In my experience, slum dwellers rarely if ever rise above their station in life. Their lack of education and exposure prevents them from making a better life for themselves and even if they do move to the city, they are stuck doing menial or manual labor jobs with shitty pay. They spend their entire lives in perpetual poverty no matter how hard they work and how many jobs they take because they're ultimately fighting a system that has not only abandoned them but also creates policies that prevent them from moving higher in life.
Due to these frustrations, a lot of them take up gambling and drinking alcohol to cope with their sorrows. Frustrations with the system and with their situations lead to a lot of them taking up gambling and developing alcoholism to cope. There is also high rate of violence among them, especially domestic violence as heads of households who were usually the ones to go out into the world and deal with the discrimination and struggles while trying to pursue low class jobs would take out their anger on their wives and ultimately children. The children who grow up in this environment, where violence is all they know would eventually go on to become abusers themselves when they start families of their own, that is, if they don't die of illness or are killed before that.
You can read more about it here, here, here, here and here.
We can see that with Sanemi's dad, the piece of shit who took out all his anger and frustrations on his wife and children before ultimately becoming a victim of violence himself.
After his death, we see Sanemi having to take up the responsibility of taking care of the family as was culturally expected of the firstborn and the oldest boy - similar to Tanjiro. When Sanemi's dad died, he had to take up a job to take care of the family. In the scene where he talks with Genya about their dad's death and their promise to take care of their mother and siblings, we can see that Sanemi is pulling a rickshaw.
Rickshaw pullers were among the lowest classes of manual labor, they were referred to sometimes as 'Human horses' and while they were mostly known for transporting people, they were also hired by merchants and regular people to transport goods as well. We're not told of the work his mother did before she turned into a demon, but she might have been a domestic worker or a waitress of some sort. It's not hard to imagine that there were times when the kids had to go hungry.
So what's the point of all this story? Well because children who come from these backgrounds are not only often violent and aggressive in their language, conduct and personality but even if they do manage to make it to adulthood and by some miracle manage to break through the class barrier they often come out of the other side with a MASSIVE inferiority complex.
And our dear boy Sanemi has one, big time.
Now that we've talked about his background, let's talk about how all this contributes to his....
Relationships
In the fandom, the main complaints about Sanemi is his behavior towards Giyuu, Tanjiro, the demon slayer trainees and Genya, so I'm going to focus on just these.
Giyuu
Like I've mentioned before @roseameilatempest already posted a great write-up about Sanemi and his complicated relationship with Giyuu, so I'm just adding to it.
The two main things that create friction in their relationship, aside from Giyuu's inability to communicate are Sanemi's low self-esteem and his aggressive personality. The low self-esteem really showed itself when he questioned Giyuu at the Hashira meeting about his 'I'm not like you guys attitude'.
In this scene he asks
Which is a really interesting question because of all the Hashiras he's the only one who voices this sentiment. Obanai just talks about Giyuu wanting to get ahead, Shinobu just asks him to explain himself, Muichiro doesn't really care, but there's the thing about being the baby of the group so he may not want to butt-in to the 'adult' matters. Gyomei is praying.
Sanemi's the only one who stands up and confronts Giyuu about the matter but given his background as previously discussed it's almost as if he's asking "Are you looking down on me?".
From the little we know of Giyuu's backstory, he didn't grow up in poverty. After his family died, he went to go live with relatives before making the decision to leave and join the corps. He has fair skin and soft looking features in contrast to Sanemi's rough, scarred ones. He has slim, delicate-looking hands with piano-playing fingers compared to Sanemi large, knobby, rough-looking hands with early-onset-arthritis-ass fingers.
Even his conduct has a certain air of class to it. So when Giyuu says stuff like 'I'm not like other girls-I mean Hashira', the inferiority complex part of Sanemi is triggered, and he takes it as an attack on him thinking that Giyuu is looking down on him because of his poor background and his class.
But Sanemi deep down cares, even if he doesn't realize it. Instead of dismissing Giyuu as just being a dick, he tries to get an answer, an explanation, but because of his rough way of speaking and his aggressive personality it comes out confrontational. He doesn't know how to express himself in a non-aggressive way because nobody ever taught him how.
Tanjiro(bestest boy ❤)
Ah yes, Sanemi's BFF. I'm honestly surprised that some people don't understand why Sanemi does not vibe with Tanjiro. Tanjiro embarrassed him in their first meeting, only to escape the consequences for his actions because of the Master's benevolence. He questioned his worth as a Hashira which, as mentioned in the previous post, is the core of Sanemi's identity.
In their second encounter, Tanjiro(bestest boy ❤) talked back to him. Now, despite all the wacky and interesting characters, the fancy mods to their uniform with the haoris and stuff, the Demon Slayers Corps are still a military organization. They have a hierarchy, they have rules and punishments for those who break them and within the context of the military and cultural values: You don't talk back to your superiors, you don't disrespect them and you most certainly don't embarrass them no matter how in the right you feel you are. It's not fair, it just is. Some superiors may tolerate it like Tengen, Giyuu, Mitsuri and Shinobu but others, like Sanemi, Gyomei, Obanai and even Muichiro will not.
I mean, even Mitsuri complained about Genya's behavior when she first met him, even though his actions were because of him being shy.
The first time Tanjiro(bestest boy ❤) disrespected Sanemi, he was on neutral ground, the Master's mansion. Kagaya is a saint, so he understood Tanjiro's actions, but remember he also chided Tanjiro a bit, even if it was in a soft manner. Now in this second encounter, He's in Sanemi's house, in his domain, and you can't come about here disrespecting your senior in their own house. And If you do, be prepared to face the consequences.
Tanjiro(bestest boy ❤) then embarrassed Sanemi again by (rightfully) calling him out on his shitty behavior towards Genya, in public, in front of his other subordinates. He then proceeds to not only block Sanemi's punch but to counter it with an embarrassing kick to the neck, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE SCRUBS! Like what? In some organizations, you could be penalized and immediately kicked out, but like I said, Kagaya is a saint.
That's why Tanjiro(bestest boy ❤) was given the reprimand and Sanemi wasn't. Because he was in the wrong.
The concept may seem foreign to people who grew up in the west, but for those of us from home countries that have rigid power and class structures, we know this pain all too well.
That's why you talk and complain about your superiors BEHIND their backs, like Zenitsu does.
I swear, Zenitsu is probably the realest character in the series, I love him so much 😂.
Then in the last encounter they had, Tanjiro embarrassed Sanemi again, but this time it's worse because he did it RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS CRUSH!
Your senior's business is not your business, if you see them fighting, it's best just to leave them alone and pray it's the one you hate that gets his ass kicked.
So here's Sanemi trying to communicate with his crush, and he's about to get to the part where they get to put their hands on each other ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). Then Tanjiro comes up and gets between them, ignoring the restraining order and then asking if they were fighting over ohagi.
He then reveals Sanemi's biggest secret: That he's gay-I-mean-er likes ohagi. Neither Tanjiro(bestest boy ❤) nor Giyuu see any problem with this because soft boys but for a tough, scary man like Sanemi this is a problem. He's a man, he shouldn't be taking sweets! (which is like a real thing in Japan, so i learned. You can read about it here, here, here and here), also Sanemi loves ohagi becuase his mom used to make it; men shouldn't be thinking about their mommies! Men should be tough and only eat manly things like raw bull testicles and cement!
Then Tanjiro(bestest boy ❤) drives the knife even further by asking him about his ohagi preferences, while Giyuu (who unknown to Sanemi is glad to have found an opportunity to rizz him up) asks him to confirm but in Sanemi's mind he thinks Giyuu is making fun of him too.
So Tanjiro has, so far, called him a shitty Hashira, a shitty brother, and now a shitty man. All he wanted to do was smash and now he's getting pressed by a 16 year old. So yea, our boy is going to react in the only way he knows how - by giving Tanjiro a swift clock to the jaw.
At this point, you've gotta pity Sanemi, he's the real victim in this relationship. But let's move on.
The Trainees
This is another complaint that also confuses me because the answer is so obvious. Why is Sanemi hard on the trainees?
Because Sanemi's training is Infinite Strikes! Because his training is supposed to be hard! Because they're at war! Because Muzan might be coming soon! Because this is a military training! Because the Hashiras are basically Drill Sergeants! Because Sanemi says fuck you!
But seriously, I don't understand why Sanemi and Obanai are getting hate for their training methods when Tengen's was just as harsh, Mitsuri was basically ending family bloodlines, Muichiro deadass was about to sashimi someone's child.
And Gyomei? Gyomei's training basically qualifies as torture by the Geneva convention laws. You see these guys below? These boys are all dead! Dead, i tell you! You can't convince me otherwise!
Even Inosuke died!
The training is meant to be harsh because it's not just the trainees lives at stake, it's the people of Japan, it's the lives of their friends, families and loved ones. The Hashiras know this and Sanemi whose whole life revolves around being a demon slayer and killer, especially knows this.
He and Obanai don't have the luxury of sending the junior slayers back for their protection like they did in the mansion. Like we saw in the last episode of the season, Muzan came after everyone not just the Hashira. Despite his rough and harsh exterior, Sanemi actually cares about his colleagues and his subordinates and he doesn't want them to die needlessly. If that means he has to be the 'bad' Hashira, then that's fine with him.
Genya
There's no justification for the shit he pulled trying to poke Genya's eyes out. I've made like two posts regarding this before about how his actions were not only stupid but will ultimately be pointless because Genya is amazing!
Aside from wanting to keep Genya safe (whatever that means), I think one of the reasons Sanemi doesn't want to come in contact with Genya is because when he's around Genya he's reminded of the past and trauma that he's trying to repress. I don't think it was a random choice that older Genya is dressed in a way almost similar to baby Genya. So everytime Sanemi sees him, despite Genya's size and the awesome things he's done, all he can see is that little boy that he almost failed to protect, that called him a monster, that rejected him and seeing that reopens that old core wound. That he's a monster.
Sanemi isn't ready to face all that, so with the little understanding of his own emotions and the trappings of toxic masculinity, he pushes Genya away becuase doing so is way, way, way easier than talking to his brother. It's easier than revealing to Genya that Genya's words did hurt him, that he failed to protect their mom and siblings and that maybe Genya is right, he is a monster, that even though he saved Genya it doesn't change the fact that he used his very hands to kill the only person that loved and protected them in this world.
I think a lot of people really underestimate the gravity of what baby Sanemi did. Tanjiro couldn't kill Nezuko and I'm sure he himself would've rather died than raise a hand to his loved ones but Tanjiro was lucky in a sick way because Nezuko was not only the only survivor but encountered Giyuu who who gave him the opportunity to save Nezuko, essentially giving her a second life. Sanemi never had that chance. In order to protect his brother, he had to kill his beloved mother, and you can just imagine the amount of damage that can do to a child's psyche.
I read a comment on Youtube that said this was probably the reason why Sanemi was so feverently against the Master's defence of Nezuko and that when Nezuko rejected his blood, his whole worldview must have shattered because if Nezuko was able to overcome her demonic urges and still maintain her sanity, why couldn't his beloved mother?
But you might ask, how come Genya seems fine? Well, he wasn't at first, he was basically Sanemi 2.0 but he was able to make peace with himself, escape the trappings of toxic masculinity and the violence that they were raised in. Instead of bottling up his emotions, he wants to reach out, to apologize for his behavior, to mend their brotherhood because no matter how Sanemi is now, no matter how many times he tells him to get lost, no matter the harsh words he throws at him, to Genya he'll always be his Aniki.
The same Aniki who's been looking out for him, the same Aniki that sought him out and comforted him after he punched the landlord's shitty son, the same Aniki who gave him a piggyback ride despite them practically being the same height just to make Genya feel happy and loved, the same Aniki who let out that brilliant laugh after they made the promise to protect their family as he pulled the Rickshaw to make some money for the family, the same Aniki who is the sweetest, kindest person in the whole world.
While we see the rough, scarred, aggressive and scary Sanemi, Genya only sees this:
I'm sure a lot of us know what it's like to be angry, to lash out, to push people away and how difficult it is go through life in a world that doesn't care about you or your trauma. We know what it's like to be left behind and forgotten. We wander aimlessly through life hurting with a feeling of emptiness and we don't even know why. Some of us overcome, some of us don't. We just make do with the tools and little resources we have and Sanemi is a painful reminder of that.
In Conclusion, Sanemi is a complex character. He's not all star good, he's a dick, some of his actions are straightup unhinged, but that's what makes him human. He's not perfect, and for us to appreciate this character we have to accept him in all his wild, raging, scarred, petty-ass, little-brother-eye-poking, women's-size-7-feet-having, ohagi-loving glory.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I've always wondered why Sanemi made this statement. He could've said 'Why are you here?', 'What are you doing here?' and so on but he chooses to use the word 'spying'. It almost seems like Tanjiro (bestest boy ❤) walked in on something he wasn't supposed to see.
Unhinged theory: This wasn't just a normal spar or hashira training moment, this was a private conversation between Sanemi and Giyuu.
Let me explain:
We all know that Sanemi hates Giyuu's 'I'm not like you guys attitude' and it's also funny how he's the only one who addresses this and tries to get an explanation out of him. It's a way to show that he cares but his aggressive nature makes it seem commanding and angry.
So he goes (by his own volition, mind you!) to Giyuu's crib to talk to him. but how do the two emotionally-stunted men talk to each other? By fighting of course!
Even the fight itself seems more like a dance or a conversation rather than actual training, there's also the background music that mixes the themes of both guys.
This all culmulates to the final move which has Sanemi trying to break through and talk to Giyuu and Giyuu bless his heart unintentionally keeping up his barriers.
Another point that shows how it's more than a friendly hashira training session is the fact that Sanemi suggests that they brawl it out. There's nothing that will come out of this training-wise and it seems like it's just an excuse to get some kind of reaction out of Giyuu.
Then Tanjiro (bestest boy ❤) interrupts their conversation so Sanemi gets pissed. He even rants about it hours later!
Look at his dude, like why so angry my guy? 😂
It got me thinking, what would have happened if Tanjiro (bestest boy ❤) hadn't interrupted?
Summary: When a girl with a secret past joins the demons slayer corps what secrets hide behind the mask she wears? Literally and figuratively. What are her strange powers and how did she aquire them? But most of all why does she seem strangly familiar to an unlikely pair of hashira ; Like a ghost from the past who might have been better off staying buried.
《Shes the sister of Sanemi and Genya》
Warnings: slight angst, slight swearing
Masterlist~
~~~
A cold breeze brushed past you. The chimes that hung from the mask covering your face rung out a gentle song. It played for a long time, gracing the trees and the wild life in the field you stood in.
You were waiting.
What for? You didnt know. Your mind seemed hazy. But you were sure you would find out soon.
Destiny? Or the Dark?
The future? Or your past?
Which would you face and could you survive long enough to see its outcome, to see the end?
Your ending.
The play that was your life was cruel but never dull. Perhaps sometimes you wished that your life could have been dull. Could have been so painfully boring that at times you would wish for ritches or to live in the fanciest house, but you would be happy nontheless.
A family. With nice parents and your siblings. Your eldest brother would give you away on your wedding day, albet reluctantly, and the rest would cry with tears of joy ; because you would be marrying someone good, someone who was as far from the person your father was as you could get.
It was all a dream, you knew that, but just the thought comforted you nontheless. The wind was chilly but your heart felt warm and for a moment you felt free. Free of your past, free of your future, of your destiny and the darkness. You were just in the moment, in the now, the present.
But like all good things your peace of mind soon came to an abrupt end. Stopping in its tracks before you could fall any father into some sort of semblance of normality.
And you remebered where you were. Where you really were. And what you were doing.
Running.
Running away from the place that haunted you, that captured and tourtured you. And the blood on your hands became clearer, the way it splattered across your face and covered your body head to toe. Everything came all at once. Everything came back to you all at once.
And then nothing.
It went black.
A face of a person aproaching you was all you saw before your vision faded and then you were plunged into darkness. You had almost thought for a split second that it had been your eldest brother, that with the persons same white hair, but that would have been too lucky, too easy, for someone like you. Fate would not have allowed such a thing.
Voices of those you had met throughout your life played in your mind, rang in your ears as your body did what it could to keep you occupied while fighting to repare itself from the damage it had sustained.
Your body burned with heat and fever and you awoke in a layer of sweat that coated your whole body. You woke confused, in a place you did not recognise. A ceiling that did not resemble the dark grey one you knew so well was replaced with a plain white one. And what you were lying on was definitely far from the cold stone ground you were used to. A soft bed layered with mounds of blankets thrown over you and more pillows than you would ever need in a life time cushioning your head.
It was strange. You didnt know this place in the slightest, where were you? You werent sure if you could even move your body all that much to cheak, but soon that didnt matter as all your memories of what had happened before you passed out came rushing back to you and you shot straight up in the bed.
Turning quickly, you leaned over the side of it as your stomach lurched from the images that flashed through your mind in a blur. You retched and gaged until a few girls who seemed to be doctors or nurses of some sort came rushing into the room in a panic.
When you turned to look at the four who had just entered the room you recognised one to be the woman who you had seen approaching you before blacking out. You wanted to say something but your throat burned from the acid in your stomach after being sick. Even if it didnt, you knew you couldnt talk anyway, you hadnt been able to since you were very young. You also needed water desperately, having said that when one of the girls handed you a glass of water you were hesitant to take it.
You had had your fair share of trusting people you shouldnt have and you werent going to do it again. You had enough for one lifetime and now you would only rely on yourself. Your throat felt scratchy and continued to burn ever worse but you swatted the young girls hand away in retaliation. This was nothing, a little discomfort wouldnt get you to make a mistake like 'that' again.
You shuddered at the thought.
The white haired woman sat down on a chair next to your bed while the three young girls went about cleaning the mess you had made like they were used to it. The woman regarded you with a small bow. Something about her eyes made you nervous. Nevertheless she was probably the most beautiful woman you had seen in your life, that made you let your guard down ever so slightly. And when you caught yourself out for it, instead of making you more comfortable it just made you more stressed.
You didnt bow back but she didnt seem to be offened by it. If you did bow to her you somehow got the feeling that it would have made her uneasy aswell anyway. Then she spoke for the first time, in a silky smooth voice. It was soft like a lullaby and you couldnt help your mind from wandering to wondering what she would sound like if she sang.
"I know you must be very alarmed right now. But its alright you can relax, your safe now. Even if you dont fully trust me thats fine, i understand"
You stared in silence.
She continued with a sigh, bowning once again but this time lower, her hands rested on her knees, her head inches away
"Im so sorry that i did not arrive in time, if i had maybe i could have done something. I know nothing i say now will ease your pain, that all my words are just empty regrets but i pray you will be able to find comfort here and let go of any troubles you bare."
What the hell was this woman on about? She seemed to know your situation, what had happened to you, but how? Wouldnt the normal reaction be to accuse you from what she found? Was she in her right mind? Just who was this lady that she was fully on your side after seeing a bunch of dead bodies and solely you left alive running away from them? Covered in blood at that.
One of the three girls who looked like triplets lit a small candle on your bedside table and you were able to get a better look at the woman's face. It seemed that your earlier assumption was correct. Even in the dim light of the moon peaking through the windows it reflected off her snowy white hair and pale skin.
Now with the light of the candle it gave her a sence of warmth and familiarity rather than an aura of a cold and chilly woman with deep icey blue eyes. You subconsciously let your fingers run along some of the features of your own face wondering if anyone could ever see you that way. Of course, you wore a mask most of the time anyway so people would hardly know what you looked like underneath to even form an opinion. Even if they did you didnt know if you really wanted to know what it was.
Soon realising the fox mask you treasured was no longer covering your face, you looked around ferociously before noticing it layed out on the bedside table next to the now lit candle. You picked it up and traced your fingers along its groves before placing it back on your face once again, chimes clinking as you did so. Not feeling full without it.
Only then did you also realise that it was deep in the night. Dawn had just been breaking when you passed out so how long had you been asleep for? A day? Longer? And you still did not know where you were.
This all felt too familiar to a certain memory and it was starting to piss you off.
Seemingly reading your mind you got a few answers to your questions the next time the woman with the white hair spoke.
"You must be confused, i see that. I forgot to introduce myself, how rude of me. My name is Amane Ubuyashiki."
And then it clicked. You knew that name, you had heard it before from the man who had raised you, a retired hashira. Kagaya Ubuyashiki was the master of the demon slayer corps and Amane Ubuyashiki was his wife, or so he had said. So is that where you were, some base of the demon slayer corps? You now understood why she bowed to you like she did, she must have been feeling guilty about what happened to you but you didnt know how to feel.
Right now you couldnt feel much of anything. Or you felt so much that it all just blended together and you couldnt call it anything distinct. Maybe your mind was trying to conceal your true emotions for fear of what they would do to you. Lady Ubuyashiki continued as if seeing the cog wheels moving in your head and the information linking together.
"I see you know who i am. Thats good, then im sure you also know that my husband is the head of the demon slayer corps and that is where you are now. This is the Butterfly Masion." She then gestured to the three girls who had finished cleaning up, now layering more blankets across the end of the bed and fluffing pillows.
"Let me introduce you. These girls are Naho, Kiyo and Sumi, they, along with the caretaker Aoi, the insect Hashira owning this estate, Shinobu and her Tsuguko, Kanao, will be taking care of you until you fully recover. If you need anything just ask them."
She gently placed a quill and paper onto the bedside table as she said this. She must have already been told by one of the girls who treated you that you werent able to speak, if the deep scar that ran along your throat wasnt a tell-tale sign enough. You fiddled with the bandages that looped around some scrapes and gashes on one of your arms.
As you did this you couldnt help but wonder what she, Amane Ubuyashiki, was doing here. Couldnt one of the girls who was taking care of you explain all that? Was it guilt that was fueling all these actions of hers? You had heard that the leaders of the demon slayer corps were compassionate from the old hashira who took you in but you had never thought it was to this extent. You had some idea as to why you had been taken in by the demon slayer corps after they found you but where were you ment to go from here? Recover and then what?
"Become a demon slayer"
Your head shot up at her words.
Had you heard correctly? Become a demon slayer? You? You had always been told to stay away from becoming one. That you shouldnt because it was dangerous and you could be killed. But after what you had gone through it didnt sound as crazy any more. What really was the difference between humans and demons? To you they were all the same. Wheather it was humans you fought or demons, you would win.
Because your world was a world where it was either kill or be killed.
Live or die.
And you sure as hell had come too far, gone through too much shit to back down now. You couldnt take revenge on the world you were born into but you did take revenge on the ones who killed the people who called you family like you were of their own blood. Thats what the situation this woman, Amane Ubuyashiki, found you after. Passed out and covered in blood and wounds from head to toe.
But what about your family who was of your own blood? You had never gotten revenge for them. Back then you were far too weak to kill demons and most of all you were far too pure of heart back then to go killing anyone for that matter.
But now it was different.
Now your hands had been stained with blood and you were no longer the weak child you once were when you left that hut. When you left the safe confines of the second home you had been raised in by the old hashira. When you left full of hope on a warm spring day to find your own path in life but now you have ended up back on the path that you left and never dared go down because of that mans warning.
Only this time you were stained in the blood of those who wronged you and the light in your eyes had faded out completely once and for all, leaving only a retched heart and a hollow soul. This time you would dare yourself to go down that path.
But not for a noble reason or even a normal one.
There was only one thing you wanted now. Only one thing you had to know.
If killing makes you a monster.
Then demons must be monsters.
But if you kill a monster does that make you one as well?
Most people would call you a hero. But are there really such things as heros?
Those are all lies. The truth is...
Thats the price you have to pay.
For revenge.
Throw away your humanity and become a monster.
At the very least...
You wont become a demon.
Snapping out of your thoughts you noticed the three younger identical girls Naho, Kiyo and Sumi had all seemingly vacated the room by this point. You turned your attention back to the wife of the demon slayer corps master. Her facial expression remained composed but you could see her eyes filled with something akin to worry and or pity in the flickering of the candle light.
Dropping her head slightly and sighing once again she got up from where she was sat, turning to leave as she started "I apologise, that was abrupt of me. Please dont feel presured to respond right now, just focus on getting bet-"
Before she could make it too far out of reach you grabbed her hand. You could tell that you didnt need words for her to understand what you ment. Maybe it was the tightness of your grip on her or the unusual detemination in your usually lifeless eyes, but either way she returned your gesture with a small smile.
She didnt say anything else, other than patting your head as if in some sort of reasurance or comfort, before she got to the door of the room.
"I hope that sometime, even if its not soon, even if its in the distant future, you will be able to rely not only on me but also on our demon slayer corps."
With those last words she left you alone in the dark room that was only aluminated by the small candle light, which blew out curtly with the closing of the door.
~~~
A demon.
It was one of your earliest memories.
Not the first...but early enough.
How old had you been then? Maybe around seven?
You had always been chasing after your elder brothers back then. Wanting to help in any way you could. They had shielded you plenty times before when your father would get into one of his moods and take it out on you or your younger siblings in a fit. You couldnt shield your elder brothers like that but you could do other things to help. If they would just let you that is. Or rather, if your eldest brother would let you.
You were forever trying to carry and haul stuff to sell like they did but you had unfortunately inherited your mothers small frame which showed even as a child. Of course, that in no way ment you were weak, rather, you powered through out of spite, when they told you not to hurt yourself trying to lift something, just to make a point.
Your mother, despite her small stature, wasnt weak either. While you couldnt shield your elder brothers, she could and she did. She protected them, all of you, no matter the cost, even if it ment her getting hurt. Maybe she felt guilty for bringing you all into a world where you needed to be protected from your own father, raising you in a home that wasnt fully safe. She never let it show though, if she was sad or angry, she always wore a small smile donning her soft features.
You couldnt do what your mother did, couldnt protect your older brothers or wear a constant smile while hiding your own emotions, not back then at least. But still, you helped, although it couldnt have been said that you helped an awful lot. You would get tired afterwards and have to sit in the merchant cart full of things to sell pulled by your eldest brother. Maybe you could have done more, been more useful if your eldest brother hadnt been forever telling you not to help and to go play with your other, younger, siblings.
But of course you thought you had some sort of responsibility as the third oldest out of all your siblings. After all, the two eldest, Sanemi and Genya, were always looking after and protecting you all and your second brother was only a year older than you anyway. You did what you could but instead you ended up opting for cooking for everyone instead.
Since your father had been killed thanks to his own stupid personality, your mother, as well as your two eldest brothers, had to make the money instead. That ment your mother got back home late at night and was almost falling asleep while trying to cook for everyone. So you went around to anyone in the village who knew how to cook, house wives, shop owners of cafes or the nice old chef from the small restaurant on the corner and begged them to teach you how to cook.
It started off small, you wanted to learn how to at least cook well enough to make something edible. Soon with alot of hard work, for a seven year old, you got used to your own job in providing, taking care of and protecting your siblings and your mother.
Your family.
Those were some of your earliest memories.
But those ones arent the ones you were talking about. There was no such demon in those memories, unless you count your late father that is.
You wished that was true, you really did. He earned the title demon, not your mother. No matter what she did, no matter what happened to her, you would never call her a demon. Although you suposed others wouldnt agree with you, she had in fact been turned into one. One of those creatures. Slaughtering her own children, her own family against her will. Yes, against her will not the will of what she had become, what she had been driven to, turned into.
You all stayed inside the house, waiting for your eldest brother to return with her. That was when it happened, it was all so fast. One second everyone was rushing to welcome your mother home, the next red painted your vision and blood covered the room. You had run to welcome your mother as well but ended up stopping after hearing your second brother, Genyas, shouts to stop and stay put. Your siblings didnt.
It was probably thanks to him, Genya, that you ended up surviving, albet that didnt mean you hadnt gotten seriously injured. You remembered lying face down in a pool of blood, wheather it was yours or your siblings you couldnt tell. Looking back on it, it was probably a mix of both. The shock in your body stilled you from moving, moving to feel what the source of the pain in your neck was.
Instead you felt your brothers trembling hands press something akin to fabric against your neck. His cries and shouts faded away as he ran for help. You didnt want to be left alone then, you were scared but you couldnt say anything. When you tried the pain in your neck seared and an odd gurgling sound was produced instead of words.
Your head had started to feel fuzzy, you were probably loosing too much blood. But with the adrenaline now finally starting to course through your body, as it went into survival mode, you were able to push yourself onto your knees. Taking with you the piece of torn bedsheet your brother had placed on your neck to try and stifle the bleeding. Then you stood up fully.
Not only were you not in your right mind, your vision also started to fade and became tunnled. You dont remember most of what happened after that, it was probably the blood loss but you managed to haul yourself out of your house and into the woods, fading in and out of conciousness as you went. You wanted to leave the house to look for your brother, you didnt want to be left alone, but with the lack of blood you couldnt think properly.
Even if you could think straight you didnt think your body would have listened very well anyways. You only remember bits and pieces after that, while fading in and out, tredding through snow in the dark night. Even so, the moon shone down and eluminated the redness that trailed behind you. Holding the small piece of bedsheet fabric flush against your neck you could safely assume it was no longer the same colour as the snow that surrounded you.
A noise echoed in the near distance, but you didnt waver, you couldnt do a thing. You couldnt utter a sound never mind scream for help, you didnt even know where you were or where you were going never mind finding the source of the sound. You didnt even know if that was someone who could help or was a person at all. Nevertheless fragmented pieces of a figure not too far away in the distance from you stood still, regarding you cautiously.
Whatever it was seven year old you had plenty of fight, will, left but didnt have any strength in your body to back it up. A final ditch effort to take a few more steps forward towards whatever the hell that thing was was all it took before...nothing.
It wasnt the first time in your life that you had been met with darkness. You had often passed out after another of your fathers mood swings but this time felt different. This time felt more peaceful, a comforting sort of peace as if it was telling you that it was okay if you wanted to stay forever. That you didnt have to go back out into the harsh world anymore and endure. It sounded tempting, you wanted to stay, you really did but then you felt something, something familiar.
A hand.
Whose hand was it?
Your mothers?
One of your elder brothers?
That was it.
It felt like the warm touch of your eldest brother patting your head, or taking your temperature when you grew ill.
You had woken up to that touch every time you had passed out before and it was always a welcome feeling, a welcome sight. You wanted to feel that warmth again, see your brother again. See everyone again.
All you had to do was wake up.
You awoke once again to that hand on your forehead. You tried to snuggle further into it but it was quickly removed and you were instead met with the sound of furious shuffling. You opened your eyes to see a boy, quite a young one, he couldnt have been any older than your eldest brother. He regarded you with his shining deep blue eyes, his black hair falling over them, before pressing a cold wet cloth to your forehead.
"So shes awake" an elderly voice spoke from the corner of the room where the door was.
Two more people entered the room. One with orange hair and purple eyes who looked the same age as the boy next to you. The other man was much older. He reminded you of the old chef from your village who helped to teach you how to cook. Often times you had liked to pretend that he was your grandfather, even if that wasnt really true it was a nice thought, a comforting one. You guessed you never really grew out of that habit. The pretending. But you were afraid if you didnt reality would be too much to bear.
When you were young you would hear stories of demons from other children, from bedtime tales, and then when you couldnt sleep at night because of the monster in the closet and those scary tales, your mother would tell you it simply wasnt real.
But then you grow up. You find out that that was the lie. That they are real. And if theyre real, if theyre not pretend, then why should what you make up in your mind be any less real to you.
"She just woke up" the boy with blue eyes next to you answered the elderly man.
The elderly man kneeled down next to you on the oposite side of the blue eyed boy before swatting him away to get fresh water for the cloth on your forehead. The orange haired boy who had briefly left the room came back in with a pail of warm water and a bunch of fresh cloths, seemingly for any wounds you had sustained.
The elderly man wore a strange red mask and a blue haori with a cloud pattern. You couldnt see his face from underneath the mask but his voice was gruff and aged, sounding as if he had an answer to every question. You got the feeling he was somewhat of a wise old man.
You didnt know where you were, but you werent scared. Maybe you were too exhausted to be scared. Whatever the case you felt an unusual calm. Maybe it was the lingering ghostly feeling of a warm hand on your forehead or how the boy from before reminded you of your eldest brother. Or even how the elderly man reminded you of the old chef from your village.
You shouldnt have been feeling calm in this situation, it was as if your body woudnt let you remember all the bad stuff until it got well enough physically for you to be able to handle that reality mentally. The reality that everything you had ever known your whole life had been stripped away from you in one night, one second, one action.
Your body started to sweat more, you definitely had a fever, you could feel it coursing throughout your body now. You hadnt given the state of your body and how it felt any notice before due to the unknown environment you awoke in. Your head had probably been hurting the whole time as well but now it was pounding so hard it made you noticeably wince.
"Easy child...here" the old man took notice and ever so gently lifted a bamboo water ladel up to your mouth. The cold liquid sliped past your chapped lips slowly enough for you to be able to drink properly without choking on it. You realised how thirsty you actually were, you hadnt noticed that before either.
"Dont be afraid, your safe here, this is my house, nothing can get you here. My name is Sakonji Urokodaki, this is Sabito..." He gestured towards the boy with orange hair and purple eyes. His face contourted in a way that made his pretty features stand out even more, highlighting his beauty. He smiled in greeting with a little nod in your direction.
The boy with blue eyes and black hair from before entered the room once again, this time with more cold water for the cloth on your forehead. The man called Urokodaki gestured once again, this time towards that boy as he set the pail down near you.
"This is Tomioka Giyuu, hes the one who found you, or rather saved you. He found you walking alone in the snowy mountains, do you remember that?"
You didnt feel obligated to answer as the question sounded rather retorical, instead you opted to slightly move your head side to side from where you lay. You were instantly glad you hadnt tried to talk because after you shook your head a sharp pain originating from your throat shot through your nervous system. You flinched from the sensation and clutched your hand into a tight fist to try and relieve it somewhat. You now understood just why Mister Urokodaki had been so gentle when giving you water earlier.
Slowly you brought your hand up to where you felt the pain, gliding the tips of your fingers gently across your neck you became keenly aware of an unusual pattern across it. You felt as if you had just woken up fully since you had opened your eyes a few minutes ago. Running your fingers back along your neck once again you felt something prickly, almost sharp, running in a long line across it in a pattern of X's.
You hissed internally as it started to burn when you continued the motion after several times. The old man next to you watched from behind his mask for a long while before sending both of the younger boys out, leaving only you and him in the room now. Gently he coerced your hand away from your neck and back down to your side.
You looked up at him from where you lay, frightened for the first time since you awoke. Most of what happened the night before returned to you in fragmented pieces. Alot of it was foggy due to the blood loss. Had it only been one night since then? A day? Longer? It was bright outside from what you could tell, just how long had passed. Was everyone alright?
Your mother, elder brothers and younger siblings. Were they all okay, had they survived? You had seen with your own eyes how badly they had all been injured, all but your older brother Genya who ran for help. You didnt even know about your eldest brother, Sanemi, since he had gone after the thing that attacked you all. He was strong but could he have really survived that. Even if he did he would be gravely injured and could have succumbed to those injuries later on.
You started to hyperventilate, panicing now as the memories of seening your family slaughtered before your eyes returned. Along with wondering if there was an unlikely chance anyone was even left alive besides you. You tried to get up but your body felt like lead. You managed to push yourself up onto your forearms before you were stopped in your tracks by Mister Urokodaki, your efforts in vain.
"Breathe...breathe" he gathered up the cloth on your forehead, replacing it with a new one. As your mind slowly calmed down once again, you heard the quiet crackling of the fire from the hearth in the living room. It reminded you of home, when you used to sit everyday by that fire and cook meals over it for your family.
Glimpsing it just ouside the door to the room as you turned your head in its direction, you imagined yourself sitting by it, working away. A few of your siblings sat watching near you but not so close that they could get burned by the flames. The rest played farther behind you or outside just within your line of sight, waiting until you called them in for supper.
The family that you would never cook for again, never see again. It was like everything was normal, everything in the world was the same but they were gone and no one cared. You would live in that world knowing that the people who made the world worth living in were gone forever and you had no way of stopping it or getting them back. The fire would continue to crackle and burn brighter but it would never be used again. Never again would you look down on it with a smile, only quenching it with the tears that flowed down unto it from your eyes.
You were completely alone.
Your eyes streamed and poured and you wanted to hide your face in the pillow and scream your lungs out but even if you did you were afraid no sound would come out. All you could do was writhe in the old mans arms in agony until you were too tired to continue. He let you do so, patting your head so softly, so gently you would think you were something to be treasured and not just a now mute and orphaned child. A child who had no worth or value and no one who loved her any longer.
-
You lived to the best of your ability for the next year of your life and the memories slowly started to fade evermore. The pain remained but even that began to waver in time as you were showered in a new warmth, a new love. In time you learned about what it was that attacked your family that night. Mister Urokodaki called it a demon. You could only assume who it had been before it was turned, yet you refrained from doing so in spite of already knowing the answer deep down.
You got along with the two older boys, Giyuu and Sabito quite well as you all bonded over your unfortunate yet fortunate circumstances. It may have also helped with the fact that they were the same age as your eldest brother. You learned that when Giyuu found you he had been running away from some of his own village's people who branded him as mentally ill when he told them about his sister being killed by a demon.
It happened on the same night your family were killed and his village was only a short distance from yours as well. They were both connected by that mountain so it had been a lucky and coincidental meeting when he saved you. Although you just hoped the demon that had gotten your family hadnt been the same one that got his.
For a years time the two boys trained to become demon slayers guided by Mister Urokodaki. You often liked to observe some of their practice sessions. Although most of the time you were kept away as they took place in the harsh snowy mountains and you were still recovering.
You had been seen by quite a few doctors but none could say for certain that you would ever be able to talk again within your lifetime. Your voice box had been severed from the injury you sustained along your neck during the attack. You would be lying if you said you were surprised, if all the time you werent allowed to talk while recovering wasnt a good enough hint.
Soon Giyuu and Sabito left for their final exam, where if they passed they would get to become official demon slayers, part of the Demon Slayer Corps. You watched the both of them go, you remember it so vividly. Waving them off with Mister Urokodaki as Giyuu gave a polite wave back, his eyes still held a light of childhood innocence. Sabito waved as well before ruffling Giyuus hair harshly, both of them donned in Mister Urokodakis students signature warding fox masks, to protect them from harm.
A bit ironic, if you did say so yourself, considering you rarely ever removed yours in the years after this memory.
You wondered back then when you would get to wear one of those masks, when you would be the one waving goodbye to Mister Urokodaki as you set off to your own final exam instead of being the one left behind. Only what you didnt know then as you watched their backs fade away into the distance, as the sun set behind the hills, was that only one would return alive.
Giyuu returned not long after bearing the news, Sabitos signature patchwork haori in hand. It was like another of your siblings had been taken from you by demons. As if the first time hadnt been enough for one lifetime. Giyuu, Sabito and you had been together for a whole year, through thick and thin. You helped each other come to terms with what happened to you and they fervently took care of you as you recovered. They made you feel like you didnt need to be able to speak out loud to have someone understand you, as well as understand how you felt inside.
Now Sabito was gone and with him went the last of the light in Giyuu's eyes, the innocence and his childhood. Now instead of a sparkling blue they were dull, almost grey, like the cold sea after a storm. Giyuu had been deeply affected by Sabitos passing, to put it nicely. Sabito had been the strongest slayer in their final exam, he had gotten rid of every demon on that mountain except for one.
The one that kept killing all of Mister Urokodakis kids, his other students that came before them, your predecessors. But Sabito had been so horrified by what he found out that he had gotten killed. All the demon slayers survived and passed the exam because of him, Giyuu included, according to him.
Giyuu only came back to tell you both the unfortunate news, he now had to go out into the world and fulfill his duties as a demon slayer. You wanted to give him something before he left, now not knowing if you would ever see him again after he walked out that door. With what happened to Sabito, you didnt want to think about it but, you knew it was a very likely reality. Gathering the haori Giyuu had brought back with him you got to work.
Your stitching skills werent as good as your cooking but you thought they should suffice for something as simple as this. Back home, one of your other siblings or mother would always be the ones to fix any clothes that needed it but you had learned all the same.
Saying goodbye to someone is one of the hardest things to do. Especially when you cant be sure you'll ever see that person again in this lifetime. Hugs were shared and heads were patted, gifts exchanged and tears shed. You hugged Giyuu so tightly you thought your arms would break. You might not have let go if Mister Urokodaki hadnt persuaded you to let go to give him your present.
Out of a small undecorated box the blue eyed boy pulled out a half red, half patchwork haori. Half of the fabric being his sisters, the other, Sabitos. You werent sure if he'd like it but you thought he would want to keep both of them close in some way as a sign of remeberance. That was if you knew him well and having been with him for a year you were pretty sure you could safely say that you did.
In return you earned a small pat on the head and a soft smile that reminded you of your older brother, as well as a present of your own. A small silver windchime attached to a (f/c) ribbon. It sawyed back and forth in the slight wind and rung out a beautiful melody, one you wouldnt forget anytime soon.
~~~
You should have been nervous, echos ricocheted from the sound of your feet hitting the steps up to the entrance. You should have been terrified, with all you had gone through, with losing your family at a young age, to be entering this place. But you weren't. It was almost laughable, hysterical. You felt eerily calm, like when you first awoke in Mister Urokodakis house after your family was slaughtered and you were brought back from the brink of death.
The tips of your fingers ghosted over the scar that ran along your throat and you winced even though it had long since healed. As you ascended to the gates of the final examination of the demon slayer corps. You would finally quell the itch that was your constant crave for vengence.
For everything.
For what happened to you.
For what happened to your family.
For what happened to your friends.
It wasnt only that thought that calmed you though. The chimes that hung from your fox mask, the one that is suposed to ward off bad luck, as ironic as that sounded now, they sounded out through the air like they had done many a time before. They played the same tune they always did.
The tune they played when you first got them. The tune they played when you were at your lowest and when you decided your path in this life. It was always the same sound, the only thing that stayed consistent in this messed up box this world stuck you in. And it brought you back down to earth like it had done over and over repeatedly.
Only this time, hopefully, the path you wished to travel from the start, the path of vengence, for your family, would be wide open and finally ready for the taking.
☆☆☆
What mysterious past does Y/n have that we dont know about yet? 🤔
What situation did Amane Ubuyashiki find her in?
What happened to the people who treated her like she and they were blood related?
Come back for part 2 to find out🤗 (if i ever get around to making it that is)
one of a kind. @smallnerdypotatoe - Tumblr Blog | Tumlook
yousharknotpass
origamiaround
areudirty
ellievsbear
amandla
