stupid pisces bitch

me, talking to a dog: you’re soft. are you even aware of your mortality? of course ur not. u pure, wholesome and sentient unselfish being. do u feel that? that’s my heart. i love you. look at those ears. here take my wallet

one time i was in a pub in london and saw lemonade on the menu and i was like mmmm lemonade!!! but i’ve been to australia and been tricked before so i was like hey is this actual lemonade lemonade or is it just sprite and she was like it’s actual lemonade so i ordered some and she brought it back and it was sprite. i hate england

Why don't you darken your clothes and strike a violent pose and maybe you'll calm down

Not one but twooo bitch💅🏽

lord of the flies is a depressing and violent book but its also so fucking funny when you think about it like. in a meta way. the author was a teacher at an all-boys school that hated every kid he taught and was SO sick of the ‘brit kids go on adventures’ genre that he wrote a full-length novel about them absolutely LOSING it and also every kid in the book was based off a kid in his class. like if that isnt the most hilarious shit ever

wanna be cuddled for like 4 or 5 days