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things are okay right when the rain starts

it means more to have a boy with 10$ to spend buy me dinner than it does to have a boy with 1000$ buying me the same dinner.

you love me with what you can.

and i love you for that.

I will never be able to say enough about our love story that will encompass everything that needs to be said. Because it will all get lost in details others may find mundane.

But those moments I fall deeper for you seldom happen in the endless time you're around but in the moments I find myself alone in pensive states, growing fonder and fonder of you.

[12:35:07 AM] Jedd: thats why i dont like being dismissed cause people dont seem to understand what i have to contribute and they toss me off with some preconception of me that doesn't even hold up

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simply put, slut shamers are people who believe that slut/whore are valid insults or grounds to belittle someone.

I could have a million more boys than you, but I don't take them. I always told myself that I could choose only one. One boy to devote all my love, my time, my energy to. Well, now I'm choosing me.

#closet monogamist

"I want to conquer you."

"Physically?"

"Everywhere."

[8:00:11 PM] Jedd: you’re not losing anything by having sex [8:00:23 PM] Jedd: and if youre not happy with the sex afterward, that’d be your fault because you built it up so much in your head [8:00:34 PM] Jedd: and it couldnt live up to an impossible standard [8:00:38 PM] Jedd: sex exists in temporal space [8:00:43 PM] Jedd: it is ephemeral as is everything else in the world [8:00:47 PM] Jedd: it is quickly fleeting [8:00:53 PM] Jedd: so enjoy the fire while it burns [8:01:05 PM] Jedd: once its out you dont have to bother with a candle without any more wax to sustain it

I never remember getting any restful sleep around you.

I don’t know whether to think of it was good or bad. Often, I’d wake up in the middle of the night, sometimes to make sure you were still there — that I wasn’t making it up again like I have in so many of my dreams. Other days, my body would ache, lie awake, and notate every little tinge your body would make.

I remember every little twinge of every tick of your heartbeat, talking like the second hand on a clock. Tock talk tock. I remember the way you’d make movements to take blank stares at me, half awake, and how you’d rearrange me into the little pockets of your chest so I could get a better listen.

#I'll finish this later.

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initially i had no intention of leaving california

"Someone broke up with me. I wasn't allowed to protest; he didn't even hold me when I cried. All he said was 'It's not that you're not beautiful; you're just not beautiful to me.' What do you think that means?"

"It means you're not beautiful."

Writing is one of the most painful processes in the world. But having written is the most gratifying.

I see you and I feel cries come on like sneezes, While I force feigned cathartic releases.

I heave through quickening quivers caused by Thoughts I'll touch tearful on my tenderest parts.

I see you and suffer through shakes like You'd feel when you see rotating blades

And all you want to do is touch.

I had the good fortune of meeting mt soulmate while I was still young.

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You made me sleep in a bed not built for two — It was only capable of holding you.

My, how similarly my heart feels, too.

One pillow, one blanket — your headboard Coated in notches lacking names and barely holding numbers.

47. Ringing in my ears.

"It's better for this," you'll say as you cuddle me closer in. Now I feel you pry open my limbs, feeling you slowly seeping — Seeping through my skin.

"Stop," I stop to beg, while I pull you closer in. Closer. Deeper. Richer.

Like colors in a spectrum that quickly fade to black. I wish I could still say I love you, but even my vocal chords lack capacities for capabilities I

#unfinished

those who have not the experience those who have not the struggle do not have understanding and do not have a say

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