I can't fucking read

you're telling me this guy's a bouncer? huh... and what does he bounce on, if you don't mind me asking...?

You have to listen to the basic melody a while before you start to improvise.

“what’s your five year plan” bro i wake up every day confused by the fact that i’m even alive

wake up in the morning. see picture of blorbo. im not dead and i can still look at pictures of blorbo. it'll be alright as long as i can still look at pictures of blorbo. you agree.

Oh my god i need to change my life NOW i need to be something else i CAN'T keep living like this (Does nothing) (Does nothing) (Sits there) (Does nothing) (Doesn't move) (Does nothing) (Does nothing) (Does nothing) (Does nothing)

the cool thing about this app is you’re never the craziest one here

it's called a ball python because it is a python(🐍) that ball(🟠)

that is supposed to say smile.

i think i'll fag out even though it's only monday

reblog this and in the tags, write the band that comes to mind first when you think back to being 13 years old

i can no longer tolerate the fallibility of language. let's all punch each other in the head

forgot to leave a note for my doordasher to bring a blunt weapon to get past the catacomb skeletons so congrats to whichever necromancer is about to get my banh mi i guess

I guarantee that Monica at the front desk has not been able to live this review down and her coworkers absolutely bring it up regularly.

If I were Monica I'd print this review out and frame it

i didn’t understand the black eyed peas when i was a child but as an adult they’re a very fascinating group to me. the way will i am talks about partying and the club is like he’s relaying information he received from secondary sources

every time I see extra virgin olive oil at work I think of that "lightly fucked?" olive oil meme. one sec let me find it