One day at a time

White flag waving, a symbol of regret.

Head hung low, conscious of neglect

I stand before you, unwillingly, just because you suspect.

I am armed though not like you.

I am armed in some aspects that’s true.

I am armed, but believe me, not like you.

No bullets but insecurities

That can tear anyone to shreds. Sheer ambiguity.

Uncertainity; brewing anxiety.

I am armed though quite unlike you.

Deepest despair, tear gas woven

Into whispered secrets and rumours hand chosen.

No sharp edges but a mouth in motion.

Spreading dismal lies; wild fire. Distributing demise.

Cutting bonds and severing ties.

I may be armed, but not in the same way as you.

Not with howling hounds but conflicting voices

Taunting mockery and distorted noises.

The ability to see oneself from the eyes of another,

The curse of inability to differentiate a killer from a brother.

My weaponary may not be lustrous or brand new.

I dare you.

Undervalue my worth

Tell me I’m worthless

Show me how little you believe in me when you

Belittle me

When you walk on me

When you talk down to me

Laugh now

Look up at the ceiling and howl your amusement

Laugh

For now

But know that in my silence lies a storm

In my grief the rumblings of war

Bruises bestowed upon me smeared across my tear stained cheeks

Camouflage

Muffled cries unleash garish mutiny

Gritted teeth and tightened fists break free of univited scrutiny

So long surpressed

While hope regressed

Time to deconstruct the walls you built

To contain me

Solitary confinement

Unexpected enlightenment

I’ll take the weight you put on my shoulder,

The first one in the left corner: It’s a first communion rosary, and it’s not cheap.

The black one in the first line: That’s a widow rosary and it’s old.

The white one in the second line:  is a commemoration rosary. It has a miniature picture in the round part. I haven’t seen that since the 70′s.

In the third line, multicolor one: It’s an Anima mundi, I have only seen those in the hands of Rosary ministery’s old ladies. The oldest ones are from the 80′s after Juan Pablo II came to Mexico for the first time. It’s one of the old ones, I know because the crucifixes are different.  The third one on the fourth line: Red and gold. The style is old, the metal is dark, that’s a 50′s rosary, probably a quinceañera one (or it’s maybe older, from the 40′s when the brides carried red roses with their offerings).

The fifth one on the fourth line: It’s a quinceañera rosary with Ignatius’s tear. The style is old and in my part of Mexico is orphan girls who used it. At least it was when I was young. The third one of the fifth line: the blue one with the anchor. That one I have only seen in Veracruz and it doesn’t look new. The fifth one on the fifth line: That’s a 90′s wedding rosary. Black and white patterns were popular on that date. The fourth one on the last line: That’s a first communion rosary from the 30′s. It’s delicate and most probably silver. The rest wrench my heart too, the humble everyday rosaries with wooden beads and knots. Those are cheap and bear the wear and tear of their user handling. But those  I described are much more.

Those are mother’s rosaries.

Yes indeed no nudity but you can find all the discriminatory and hate speech you want!

But wait, the icing on the cake…

…really? Do i need even say anything.